i was telling my friend about the time i saw shatner at wizard world comic con last year and he told us how he used to prank DeForest Kelley on the set of one of the star trek movies. every day, Kelley would make a bagel and he’d put the bagel in the toaster and then leave it, and so Shatner would go and eat it before it finished toasting, and when De came back he’d be like “um… I thought I made a bagel” and Shatner would say “um no, I don’t think you did?” and he would do this multiple times in a row to make him think he was losing his memory.
based on this post where lardo and shitty are accidentally pregnant
She was five weeks in and nothing was showing, but she’d been puking almost everyday and had refused Bitty’s pumpkin pie yesterday. Lardo hadn’t told her mom yet, and Shitty refuses to tell anything to his father, but she knows that his mother knew. Jack had called her immediately after Shitty freaked and told him a week ago, before freaking out himself and telling Bitty, who had broken into their apartment in order to make sure she was okay.
“I’m okay, people should stop asking me if I was okay, I’m pregnant, not sick.” She complained to Jack, who only answered by giving a silent nod.
“Shitty’s freaking out,” Jack said instead.
“I know.” She groaned and put her face in her hands. A moment of silence passed between the two before she lifted her head again. “I don’t want to chain him down like this or jerk him around emotionally. I know he wants me to keep it.”
“He wants whatever you want,” Jack said.
She knew that, but she could also read Shitty well enough to know that he was ecstatic and wanted nothing more than to have her keep it. And the scary thing was, she could also feel herself being as excited as he is.
“How are the two of us even remotely qualified to be parents? He’s just starting his job, and I have my job.” And Lardo wasn’t sure that her bosses would let her take a maternity leave. And even more terrifyingly, she just realized that she wasn’t on the life track that she had envisioned for herself with this job. Sports management paid a lot, and Lardo knew she was on the fast track to a good promotion, but now this forced her to look at her life, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to spend it all on picking up after athletes. But she wasn’t sure if she could provide proper care if she didn’t have this high paying position. And it was a downward spiraling mess of disaster.
It was as if Jack could read her mind, or at least the mood in her mind, because he puts a hand on her shoulder and leaned back on the sofa that they were sitting at.
“Maybe you’re thinking too much,” he said. “Just concentrate on whether or not you want to keep it, and trust in your friends to help you no matter which choice it is. We’re a team.”
She sniffed, and suddenly Jack found himself with an armful of Lardo. She let her tears and snot stain his sweater, and he held her through her trembling. When the two of them extricated themselves from their situation, Jack extended a fist, and Lardo bumped it.
Warnings: smut, oral (female receiving) fingering, this is PWP
Prompt: Sam meets up with the reader at a bar, and neither of them want to go home alone. Both their jobs require them to move around a lot, and sometimes, they get a little antsy and crave the affection of another person. That leads them to Sam’s motel room for one night of pure fun.
You didn’t want, or even need a partner to settle down with. You had grown used to being alone and working alone and doing just about everything alone. But, a girl gets antsy from time to time.
Title: Heartbeat Pt. III Pairing: Josh Dun/Reader, Tyler Joseph/Reader Rating: Very mature. Warnings: Daddy kink, roughness, name-calling, drama, fluff. All kinds of chaos. A/N: This stupid chapter is 8.3k words, and I’m so worn out because this has been driving me bonkers. I hope you’re ready for some drama, because this is where things start to get real. Let me know what you think, because this one was obviously very difficult to write.
Your phone buzzed next to you on your bedside table. Groaning, you rolled over in your bed and unplugged your phone. Your phone read 8:30am which made you whimper in exhaustion. Below the time was a text from your only babysitting client at the time, Ms. Irwin. You had only acquired the job because your mom had been childhood friends with her, but she was a kind woman nonetheless.
Ms. Irwin was probably the sweetest woman to have ever walked the earth, despite the hardships she had overcame such as her husband leaving her with three kids a couple years ago. But what puzzled you to no extent was the fact that such a kind woman could have the literal spawn on satan as her eldest child.
Ashton Irwin, also known as Hades by yourself and your best friend (Y/BFF/N), was probably the rude human being you have encountered. Despite his stunning looks and musical talent, he was probably the one person you admittedly hated. Although he was a kind child when the two of you where in lower school, right when he hit his teens he pushed you away and never explained his reasons for doing so.
Now, in high school, he never even spared you a glance. It wasn’t as if you were still mad at him, he had pushed you away so long ago but he only angered you when you were babysitting his two younger siblings, Lauren and Harry. It seemed funny how Ms. Irwin always had you babysit even though Ashton was right upstairs in his room playing on his drums, but you both knew he wasn’t capable of taking care of two young children.
From: Ms. Irwin-8:30am
Hey (Y/n), I’m so sorry to be an inconvenience to you but I was wondering if you can possibly watch the kids starting from 11am today to 7pm tomorrow? Sorry my boss just told me I have to come for a conference this weekend.
You groaned and sat up, running your hand through your hair before responding.
To: Ms. Irwin-8:34am
I’d be happy to (: I’ll see you at 11.
Since you had already woken up you knew attempting to go back to sleep was going to be useless. Hesitantly, you placed your bare feet on the cold wooden floor and quickly scampered to the bathroom to brush your teeth and you went to your kitchen to eat something for breakfast.
Time seemed to fly by and before you knew it you were approaching the front door of the Irwin household with your small overnight bag by your side.
You knocked once and the door flew open seconds later. Instead of the bright and smiling face of Ms. Irwin, you were greeted by the irritated look on Ashton’s face. “Hey Ash,” you smiled, despite the uncomfortable look on his face.
He closed the door behind you, “Don’t call me that,” he mumbled before walking past you to climb up his stairs and probably sulk in his room.
“(Y/n)!” Lauren yelled before wrapping her arms around your legs, followed by Harry.
“Hey guys! Are you excited about this weekend?” you asked, ruffling Harry’s hair.
They nodded in unison and you detached yourself from them to find Ms. Irwin who was in the kitchen making them their lunch. “Hi Ms. Irwin, how are you?” you asked, leaning against the counter.
She jumped in surprise, “Oh hi dear! I’m great, how are you?”
“I’m okay,” you responded.
“Thank you so much for coming on short notice. I really appreciate it.”
You smiled, grabbing the plates from her that held the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches she had made for them. “Of course, anytime. And don’t you have a plane to catch?” I asked.
Her eyes widened, “You’re right!” she rushed to grab her bags, “Again, thank you and I hope Ashton isn’t too much of a bother. He probably won’t leave his room anyways. Text me if there’s an emergency!” she yelled before running out to her car.
You let out a long breath before turning back to the two kids standing behind me. “So, what do you two wanna do?”
“That movie was so good!” Lauren yelled from the backseat of your car. The three of you had just went to the theater to see Moana and the kids were ecstatic about it.
You nodded and smiled, “Yeah it was great! What do you guys say? Ice cream when we get home?” They all nodded in excitement at your offer and practically bounced in their chairs until you arrived home.
Once you parked your car in the driveway they ran out of the car towards the house and flung themselves on the couch, awaiting their ice cream. You smiled at their excitement and went into the kitchen and pulled out the chocolate ice cream.
You groaned when you realized the bowls where just about five centimeters from your reach even while you were on your toes. Suddenly, a body was pressed flush against yours. “You’re too damn short,” a voice said gruffly from behind you. You turned your head slightly to see Ashton’s bare, broad chest.
Before you knew it he had pulled down three bowls and placed them in front of you. “Thank you,” you whispered for no apparent reason, just because of the close proximity.
His body lingered behind you for only a couple of seconds before he disappeared. You felt your face heat up but you quickly dismissed any thoughts of Ashton before scooping ice cream into the bowls.
“Who wants ice cream?” you asked, walking into the living room but you stopped in your tracks when the two toddlers were passed out on the couch. A soft smile spread across your face at the two softly sleeping. You set the bowls on the coffee table and picked up Harry to bring him to his room.
After tucking both of them in you started walking down the hall to get to the stairs but you stopped in your tracks when you heard All Time Low blasting loudly from Ashton’s room.
You approached his door and opened it slightly, “Ashton can you please turn down your music? The kids are sleep-oh my god what are you doing!” you screeched when you saw Ashton laying naked on his bed, slowing pumping his length.
His face morphed into his signature angry expression and he pulled on his boxers before slamming the door in your face. You stood in front of his door, shell shocked for minutes until you finally processed what had actually happened and you ran downstairs to grab your bag and you shut the door to the guestroom down stairs.
Trying to get what you saw out of your head, you pulled out the book you brought with you and started to read. As you flipped through the pages you couldn’t seem to focus on what the story was telling you but rather on how hot Ashton looked, panting and grabbing his thick length in his hand.
A hard knock on your door interrupted your thoughts and you stood up from your bed, expecting one of the kids to be asking for the ice cream you promised them earlier.
But instead of the faces of one of the kids, when you opened the door you were faced with Ashton, and he looked more pissed then ever.
“Hey Ashton, I’m really sorry, I should’ve knocked-” your sentence was cut short yet again when Ashton flipped the two of you around and pushed you up against the door.
You gasped when you felt his hot lips press hard kisses down the base of your throat. “Do you know what I was thinking about when I was jerking off?” he asked as he brought his face up to yours.
“What?” you asked.
His breath fanned against your face in uneven pants. “You,” he said before pressing his lips against yours.
It took you less than a minute to respond and you started moving your lips in sync with his. “Fuck I need you so bad,” he mumbled against your lips. All you could do was whimper in desperation.
“Where did this come from?” you panted, tangling your hands in his sandy curls.
He groaned when you tugged at his hair, “Fuck, I’ve liked you since we were crib mates.” With that his pressed his lips feverishly to yours again. You moaned when he shoved his tongue in your mouth.
His fingers slowly crept from your hips to your butt. He squeezed it lightly and pulled your body closer to his hips. He ground his rock hard erection against your clothed heat. “Fuck,” he drawled out. “I want to taste you so bad princess,” he mumbled against your lips.
He didn’t give you time to respond before he swiftly picked you up and sat down on the bed. With you straddling him, you pushed his chest back so you were on top of him. You tugged at his shirt, indicating you wanted it removed and he soon lifted it over his head. As he removed his shirt, you pulled yours over your head as well and you reached to unclasp your bra.
As soon as you had no clothes remaining on your top half, Ashton flipped you over so he hovered over you. “What do you want baby girl?” he asked, latching himself to one of your breasts. His tongue flicked over the sensitive bud and he grazed his teeth over it causing you to tug at his hair.
“Anything, Ash. Please, I’m so wet.”
A whimper escaped his lips as he left a trail of kisses down in between the valley of your breasts and he stopped right at the band of your sweatpants. He looked up at you for approval you merely nodded in response to his silent question.
Quickly, he pulled down your pants and continued kissing up your thighs from your knees. He kept stopping right where you needed him most so eventually you sighed in frustration, “Ash, please don’t tease-oh motherfucking shit!” you yelled wen he licked a long strip up your clothed heat.
He pulled down your underwear and left a kiss on your clit. “I love it when you call me that,” he mumbled before completely diving in.
His lips wrapped around your clit, sucking harshly causing your back to arch. When he added two fingers you almost lost it, “A-Ash, I c-can’t hold on much longer,” you whimpered, pulling his head closer.
He hummed against you sending vibrations that sent you over the edge. You let out a long moan as the knot inside of you exploded and you chanted his name repeatedly.
When he finally came up for air you pulled towards you and attached your lips to his. A hint of you could be tasted on his tongue which only made you more excited.
You dropped one of your hands down and slid it beneath his boxers. Grabbing his length, you slowly pumped it and with your thumb, you spread his precum around his tip.
He shivered, “As hot as you are doing this, can you please save this for next time because I’m literally about to burst and I really want to be inside of you when I do so.”
You didn’t stop pumping him which caused him to growl and grab both of your hands in one of his and he held them above your head. “Fuck you’re such a bad girl,” he groaned, pulling down his boxers with his other hand.
Out of anticipation, you rubbed your thighs together to try and create friction but he placed a hand in between them and spread them so wide you already knew walking would be an issue in the morning.
You felt his pulsing tip at your entrance and your mouth opened wide when he pushed his length all the way in. “Oh my-holy shit Ash,” you moaned, struggling against his grip because you ached to touch him.
“You’re so tight, princess,” he let out shakily.
You begged him to move and when he finally brought his length out and snapped his hips back into yours you could’ve sworn you saw stars. “Ashton, you’re so thick-fuck!” you arched your chest into his when he hit your g-spot.
He finally released your hands from his and brought his hand down to rub your clit. Instantly you brought your nails to his back and slowly dragged them down his soft skin. “Faster,” you moaned and tugged his lips down to yours.
He obeyed your wish and started snapping his hips harder and faster against yours. When he hit you g-spot again you clenched around him and he let out a strangled moan. “Fuck princess, please do that again.”
You clenched around him and without warning, he shot his load into you, making you cum around him as well. “(Y/n)!” he chanted as his thrusts got sloppy as he milked out both of your orgasms.
Once the two of you had come down from your highs he turned and slowly pulled out and leaned on his side to face you. “I meant what I said.”
“And what was that?” you asked with a raised eyebrow.
“That I actually have really like you since we were crib buddies,” he laughed lightly. “I just didn’t know how to talk to a girl I really like and I didn’t wanna fuck it up.”
You smiled and pressed your lips to his. “I like you too.”
A wide smile spread across his face as he pulled you closer so that your head was resting on his chest. He turned off the bedside table lamp next to him and he left a kiss on your forehead. “Goodnight princess.”
Albus Dumbledore and Ron Weasley have to be THE most unfairly shitted on characters in the whole fandom. I mean those are the two that fandom will not give any slack whatsoever. Poor Dumbledore doesn’t even get hated for things he did, but gets blamed for things that aren’t even his fault: the Potters’ deaths, Peter, Voldemort’s rise, the way nonhumans in his society are treated (but when he tries to help its abusive. EVERYTHING this man ever does with and for another person is always considered abusive. Every interaction ever.) That man gets the most hate for shit that he had JACK to do with. And poor Ron. My poor precious baby, he’s considered abusive, stupid and gluttonous all the time. When he has a teen insecurity it’s abusive like teenagers have never been dicks before sometimes. And because he likes to eat? Who doesn’t, I know I do. He’s abusive? Why,because sometimes he could be a jerk like every other teenage boy?! And he’s constantly demonized for it just like Dumbledore is. They are not allowed to be human. Even Voldemort gets more sympathy than these two. Look, if it was between Voldy and Dumbledore I’m picking Dumbledore any day. Some people say they’d trust Snape more than Dumbledore which is cool, forgetting that Snape was loyal to this man and respected him.
PS: He didn’t “plan Harry’s death.” Harry was fucked from the get-go, the night he became a Horcrux. Oh look, something that isn’t Dumbledore’s fault.h
Notes: angst, mentions of abuse, swearing, flirting, fluff, Bucky is a hopeless romantic.
A/N: Second date with heartfelt conversations.
“So, you didn’t tell her where you’re taking her? Or should I say, how?” Steve snickers and rolls his eyes when he sees Bucky’s mischievous grin.
“How I’m taking her? Really, the mouth on you, Rogers..” Bucky grins triumphantly when Steve’s cheeks turn pink and he rolls his eyes again.
“You know what I mean, jerk”
“Yeah, yeah, punk” Bucky snickers. “No, I haven’t told her that I’m picking her up on my motorcycle. But I told her to not bother with her hair and I texted her earlier to wear pants, just in case she was planning to wear a skirt or somethin’”
Steve snorts when Bucky makes a disappointed sigh.
“What?” he chuckles and takes a sip of his own drink, “I like her in skirts”
Now, as you know I'm a stickler for pukey Mori, I don't supose you could do a little something where he doesn't come in to school? Honey gets really worried and head to his house after school only the find Mori curled up in bed with his arms around his stomach and an empty bowl on the floor, refusing to be sick. He keeps apologising for worrying Honey, for being too week to go into school, but Honey keeps telling him it's okay and then he needs to be sick or he'll just keep feeling worse.
Worrying was a waste of energy, in his opinion. Energy that could be put to better use planning things like strawberry shortcake eating contests or pranking the twins.
But when Mori didn’t show up for their first class together - on a Monday - he couldn’t help feeling a little concerned. He was also confused. Two very unpleasant, unfamiliar emotions coiling into a little anxious ball in the pit of his stomach.
It wasn’t like his cousin to abandon him. And it certainly wasn’t like Mori to neglect to inform Honey of his whereabouts. Or, at least he didn’t think it was. His cousin was always just…there. Honey had never been forced to wonder before.
He hadn’t realized how accustomed he’d grown to having Mori’s constant, infallible presence by his side. And now he wasn’t answering any of Honey’s texts. He wasn’t even answering his phone calls.
When the bell rang signaling the beginning of his second class, Honey decided that nothing was more important than making sure Mori was all right. Besides, he really hated Physics.