i know he's a jerk

i was telling my friend about the time i saw shatner at wizard world comic con last year and he told us how he used to prank DeForest Kelley on the set of one of the star trek movies. every day, Kelley would make a bagel and he’d put the bagel in the toaster and then leave it, and so Shatner would go and eat it before it finished toasting, and when De came back he’d be like “um… I thought I made a bagel” and Shatner would say “um no, I don’t think you did?” and he would do this multiple times in a row to make him think he was losing his memory.

based on this post where lardo and shitty are accidentally pregnant

She was five weeks in and nothing was showing, but she’d been puking almost everyday and had refused Bitty’s pumpkin pie yesterday. Lardo hadn’t told her mom yet, and Shitty refuses to tell anything to his father, but she knows that his mother knew. Jack had called her immediately after Shitty freaked and told him a week ago, before freaking out himself and telling Bitty, who had broken into their apartment in order to make sure she was okay.

“I’m okay, people should stop asking me if I was okay, I’m pregnant, not sick.” She complained to Jack, who only answered by giving a silent nod.

“Shitty’s freaking out,” Jack said instead.

“I know.” She groaned and put her face in her hands. A moment of silence passed between the two before she lifted her head again. “I don’t want to chain him down like this or jerk him around emotionally. I know he wants me to keep it.”

“He wants whatever you want,” Jack said.

She knew that, but she could also read Shitty well enough to know that he was ecstatic and wanted nothing more than to have her keep it. And the scary thing was, she could also feel herself being as excited as he is.

“How are the two of us even remotely qualified to be parents? He’s just starting his job, and I have my job.” And Lardo wasn’t sure that her bosses would let her take a maternity leave. And even more terrifyingly, she just realized that she wasn’t on the life track that she had envisioned for herself with this job. Sports management paid a lot, and Lardo knew she was on the fast track to a good promotion, but now this forced her to look at her life, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to spend it all on picking up after athletes. But she wasn’t sure if she could provide proper care if she didn’t have this high paying position. And it was a downward spiraling mess of disaster.

It was as if Jack could read her mind, or at least the mood in her mind, because he puts a hand on her shoulder and leaned back on the sofa that they were sitting at.

“Maybe you’re thinking too much,” he said. “Just concentrate on whether or not you want to keep it, and trust in your friends to help you no matter which choice it is. We’re a team.”

She sniffed, and suddenly Jack found himself with an armful of Lardo. She let her tears and snot stain his sweater, and he held her through her trembling. When the two of them extricated themselves from their situation, Jack extended a fist, and Lardo bumped it.

“Got your back,” they said together.

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heartbeat pt. III

Title: Heartbeat Pt. III
Pairing: Josh Dun/Reader, Tyler Joseph/Reader
Rating: Very mature.
Warnings: Daddy kink, roughness, name-calling, drama, fluff. All kinds of chaos.
A/N: This stupid chapter is 8.3k words, and I’m so worn out because this has been driving me bonkers. I hope you’re ready for some drama, because this is where things start to get real. Let me know what you think, because this one was obviously very difficult to write.

Originally posted by giffingtop

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Hookup

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Word Count: 5,531

Warnings: smut, oral (female receiving) fingering, this is PWP

Prompt: Sam meets up with the reader at a bar, and neither of them want to go home alone. Both their jobs require them to move around a lot, and sometimes, they get a little antsy and crave the affection of another person. That leads them to Sam’s motel room for one night of pure fun.

You didn’t want, or even need a partner to settle down with. You had grown used to being alone and working alone and doing just about everything alone. But, a girl gets antsy from time to time.

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Stereotypical (6) second date

Bucky Barnes x reader AU (short series)

Notes: angst, mentions of abuse, swearing, flirting, fluff, Bucky is a hopeless romantic.

A/N: Second date with heartfelt conversations.

“So, you didn’t tell her where you’re taking her? Or should I say, how?” Steve snickers and rolls his eyes when he sees Bucky’s mischievous grin.

How I’m taking her? Really, the mouth on you, Rogers..” Bucky grins triumphantly when Steve’s cheeks turn pink and he rolls his eyes again.

“You know what I mean, jerk”

“Yeah, yeah, punk” Bucky snickers. “No, I haven’t told her that I’m picking her up on my motorcycle. But I told her to not bother with her hair and I texted her earlier to wear pants, just in case she was planning to wear a skirt or somethin’”

Steve snorts when Bucky makes a disappointed sigh.

“What?” he chuckles and takes a sip of his own drink, “I like her in skirts”

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Babysitter-Ashton Irwin

Originally posted by loserxhemmo96

Warning: obviously smut and language

Rating: R


Your phone buzzed next to you on your bedside table. Groaning, you rolled over in your bed and unplugged your phone. Your phone read 8:30am which made you whimper in exhaustion. Below the time was a text from your only babysitting client at the time, Ms. Irwin. You had only acquired the job because your mom had been childhood friends with her, but she was a kind woman nonetheless.

Ms. Irwin was probably the sweetest woman to have ever walked the earth, despite the hardships she had overcame such as her husband leaving her with three kids a couple years ago. But what puzzled you to no extent was the fact that such a kind woman could have the literal spawn on satan as her eldest child.

Ashton Irwin, also known as Hades by yourself and your best friend (Y/BFF/N), was probably the rude human being you have encountered. Despite his stunning looks and musical talent, he was probably the one person you admittedly hated. Although he was a kind child when the two of you where in lower school, right when he hit his teens he pushed you away and never explained his reasons for doing so.

Now, in high school, he never even spared you a glance. It wasn’t as if you were still mad at him, he had pushed you away so long ago but he only angered you when you were babysitting his two younger siblings, Lauren and Harry. It seemed funny how Ms. Irwin always had you babysit even though Ashton was right upstairs in his room playing on his drums, but you both knew he wasn’t capable of taking care of two young children. 

From: Ms. Irwin-8:30am

Hey (Y/n), I’m so sorry to be an inconvenience to you but I was wondering if you can possibly watch the kids starting from 11am today to 7pm tomorrow? Sorry my boss just told me I have to come for a conference this weekend.

You groaned and sat up, running your hand through your hair before responding.

To: Ms. Irwin-8:34am

I’d be happy to (: I’ll see you at 11.

Since you had already woken up you knew attempting to go back to sleep was going to be useless. Hesitantly, you placed your bare feet on the cold wooden floor and quickly scampered to the bathroom to brush your teeth and you went to your kitchen to eat something for breakfast.

Time seemed to fly by and before you knew it you were approaching the front door of the Irwin household with your small overnight bag by your side.

You knocked once and the door flew open seconds later. Instead of the bright and smiling face of Ms. Irwin, you were greeted by the irritated look on Ashton’s face. “Hey Ash,” you smiled, despite the uncomfortable look on his face.

He closed the door behind you, “Don’t call me that,” he mumbled before walking past you to climb up his stairs and probably sulk in his room.

“(Y/n)!” Lauren yelled before wrapping her arms around your legs, followed by Harry.

“Hey guys! Are you excited about this weekend?” you asked, ruffling Harry’s hair.

They nodded in unison and you detached yourself from them to find Ms. Irwin who was in the kitchen making them their lunch. “Hi Ms. Irwin, how are you?” you asked, leaning against the counter.

She jumped in surprise, “Oh hi dear! I’m great, how are you?”

“I’m okay,” you responded.

“Thank you so much for coming on short notice. I really appreciate it.”

You smiled, grabbing the plates from her that held the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches she had made for them. “Of course, anytime. And don’t you have a plane to catch?” I asked.

Her eyes widened, “You’re right!” she rushed to grab her bags, “Again, thank you and I hope Ashton isn’t too much of a bother. He probably won’t leave his room anyways. Text me if there’s an emergency!” she yelled before running out to her car.

You let out a long breath before turning back to the two kids standing behind me. “So, what do you two wanna do?”

—————–

“That movie was so good!” Lauren yelled from the backseat of your car. The three of you had just went to the theater to see Moana and the kids were ecstatic about it.

You nodded and smiled, “Yeah it was great! What do you guys say? Ice cream when we get home?” They all nodded in excitement at your offer and practically bounced in their chairs until you arrived home.

Once you parked your car in the driveway they ran out of the car towards the house and flung themselves on the couch, awaiting their ice cream. You smiled at their excitement and went into the kitchen and pulled out the chocolate ice cream. 

You groaned when you realized the bowls where just about five centimeters from your reach even while you were on your toes. Suddenly, a body was pressed flush against yours. “You’re too damn short,” a voice said gruffly from behind you. You turned your head slightly to see Ashton’s bare, broad chest.

Before you knew it he had pulled down three bowls and placed them in front of you. “Thank you,” you whispered for no apparent reason, just because of the close proximity. 

His body lingered behind you for only a couple of seconds before he disappeared. You felt your face heat up but you quickly dismissed any thoughts of Ashton before scooping ice cream into the bowls.

“Who wants ice cream?” you asked, walking into the living room but you stopped in your tracks when the two toddlers were passed out on the couch. A soft smile spread across your face at the two softly sleeping. You set the bowls on the coffee table and picked up Harry to bring him to his room. 

After tucking both of them in you started walking down the hall to get to the stairs but you stopped in your tracks when you heard All Time Low blasting loudly from Ashton’s room.

You approached his door and opened it slightly, “Ashton can you please turn down your music? The kids are sleep-oh my god what are you doing!” you screeched when you saw Ashton laying naked on his bed, slowing pumping his length.

His face morphed into his signature angry expression and he pulled on his boxers before slamming the door in your face. You stood in front of his door, shell shocked for minutes until you finally processed what had actually happened and you ran downstairs to grab your bag and you shut the door to the guestroom down stairs.

Trying to get what you saw out of your head, you pulled out the book you brought with you and started to read. As you flipped through the pages you couldn’t seem to focus on what the story was telling you but rather on how hot Ashton looked, panting and grabbing his thick length in his hand.

A hard knock on your door interrupted your thoughts and you stood up from your bed, expecting one of the kids to be asking for the ice cream you promised them earlier.

But instead of the faces of one of the kids, when you opened the door you were faced with Ashton, and he looked more pissed then ever.

“Hey Ashton, I’m really sorry, I should’ve knocked-” your sentence was cut short yet again when Ashton flipped the two of you around and pushed you up against the door. 

You gasped when you felt his hot lips press hard kisses down the base of your throat. “Do you know what I was thinking about when I was jerking off?” he asked as he brought his face up to yours.

“What?” you asked.

His breath fanned against your face in uneven pants. “You,” he said before pressing his lips against yours.

It took you less than a minute to respond and you started moving your lips in sync with his. “Fuck I need you so bad,” he mumbled against your lips. All you could do was whimper in desperation.

“Where did this come from?” you panted, tangling your hands in his sandy curls.

He groaned when you tugged at his hair, “Fuck, I’ve liked you since we were crib mates.” With that his pressed his lips feverishly to yours again. You moaned when he shoved his tongue in your mouth.

His fingers slowly crept from your hips to your butt. He squeezed it lightly and pulled your body closer to his hips. He ground his rock hard erection against your clothed heat. “Fuck,” he drawled out. “I want to taste you so bad princess,” he mumbled against your lips.

He didn’t give you time to respond before he swiftly picked you up and sat down on the bed. With you straddling him, you pushed his chest back so you were on top of him. You tugged at his shirt, indicating you wanted it removed and he soon lifted it over his head. As he removed his shirt, you pulled yours over your head as well and you reached to unclasp your bra.

As soon as you had no clothes remaining on your top half, Ashton flipped you over so he hovered over you. “What do you want baby girl?” he asked, latching himself to one of your breasts. His tongue flicked over the sensitive bud and he grazed his teeth over it causing you to tug at his hair. 

“Anything, Ash. Please, I’m so wet.” 

A whimper escaped his lips as he left a trail of kisses down in between the valley of your breasts and he stopped right at the band of your sweatpants. He looked up at you for approval you merely nodded in response to his silent question.

Quickly, he pulled down your pants and continued kissing up your thighs from your knees. He kept stopping right where you needed him most so eventually you sighed in frustration, “Ash, please don’t tease-oh motherfucking shit!” you yelled wen he licked a long strip up your clothed heat.

He pulled down your underwear and left a kiss on your clit. “I love it when you call me that,” he mumbled before completely diving in.

His lips wrapped around your clit, sucking harshly causing your back to arch. When he added two fingers you almost lost it, “A-Ash, I c-can’t hold on much longer,” you whimpered, pulling his head closer.

He hummed against you sending vibrations that sent you over the edge. You let out a long moan as the knot inside of you exploded and you chanted his name repeatedly.

When he finally came up for air you pulled towards you and attached your lips to his. A hint of you could be tasted on his tongue which only made you more excited.

You dropped one of your hands down and slid it beneath his boxers. Grabbing his length, you slowly pumped it and with your thumb, you spread his precum around his tip.

He shivered, “As hot as you are doing this, can you please save this for next time because I’m literally about to burst and I really want to be inside of you when I do so.”

You didn’t stop pumping him which caused him to growl and grab both of your hands in one of his and he held them above your head. “Fuck you’re such a bad girl,” he groaned, pulling down his boxers with his other hand.

Out of anticipation, you rubbed your thighs together to try and create friction but he placed a hand in between them and spread them so wide you already knew walking would be an issue in the morning.

You felt his pulsing tip at your entrance and your mouth opened wide when he pushed his length all the way in. “Oh my-holy shit Ash,” you moaned, struggling against his grip because you ached to touch him.

“You’re so tight, princess,” he let out shakily.

You begged him to move and when he finally brought his length out and snapped his hips back into yours you could’ve sworn you saw stars. “Ashton, you’re so thick-fuck!” you arched your chest into his when he hit your g-spot.

He finally released your hands from his and brought his hand down to rub your clit. Instantly you brought your nails to his back and slowly dragged them down his soft skin. “Faster,” you moaned and tugged his lips down to yours.

He obeyed your wish and started snapping his hips harder and faster against yours. When he hit you g-spot again you clenched around him and he let out a strangled moan. “Fuck princess, please do that again.”

You clenched around him and without warning, he shot his load into you, making you cum around him as well. “(Y/n)!” he chanted as his thrusts got sloppy as he milked out both of your orgasms. 

Once the two of you had come down from your highs he turned and slowly pulled out and leaned on his side to face you. “I meant what I said.”

“And what was that?” you asked with a raised eyebrow.

“That I actually have really like you since we were crib buddies,” he laughed lightly. “I just didn’t know how to talk to a girl I really like and I didn’t wanna fuck it up.”

You smiled and pressed your lips to his. “I like you too.”

A wide smile spread across his face as he pulled you closer so that your head was resting on his chest. He turned off the bedside table lamp next to him and he left a kiss on your forehead. “Goodnight princess.”

anonymous asked:

can you write a small fic about clarke moving in to bellamy's room in arkadia? love your writing <3

a teensy little soft fic with my good friends bed sharing and cuddling

read on ao3!

They come to the realisation a mere ten minutes after breaching Arkadia’s gates.

Or, that is, Clarke comes to the realisation first, and alerts him to it when she mutters a soft, “Fuck,” under her breath.

“What? What’s wrong?” he asks, hand going straight to his rifle as his eyes immediately scan their surroundings.

She presses a hand to his shoulder. “Nothing’s wrong,” she says in an easy voice that soothes away his worries, “It’s just that I realised I no longer have a room here.”

He blinks. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” she says, flashing him a wry smile. “I used to room with my mom but that was before… everything. And I would have asked Raven, but, well…”

Raven threatened them with bodily harm before they even set foot in the lab, saying that if anyone distracted her from her work, she’d do more than just string them to a tree.

Bellamy shifts his rifle again, scruffing his toe at the dirt. They’d stopped underneath one of awnings outside on their way to the apartments.

“Well, you can always stay with me,” he says, staring hard at the line he made in the ground. He can feel her eyes on him, and it makes his ears pink.

The silence draws on long enough that he’s just about to tell her to forget about it, when Clarke says, “Actually, that doesn’t seem like a bad idea.”

“Yeah?” he asks, glancing up at her from beneath his lashes to find her gnawing on her bottom lip.

She gently nudges him with her hip. “Yeah.”

“Alright then,” he says, trying to bite a back a pleased smile.

There’s the barest hint of a smirk tugging at her lips as he leads them to his quarters, so he glances sidelong at her and says, “It’s a good thing we sorted that out quickly. You’re in dire need of a bath.”

It gets the desired result when she shoves him into the wall, and he laughs. “Fuck off, Bellamy,” she says succinctly, but she’s doing a poor job of hiding her laughter too.

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Auston Matthews - Safe

Prompt: Auston finds out about your violent ex boyfriend

A/N: This wasn’t requested but I was dying to write a protective Auston imagine. I tried to make this happier than anything  

Warning/s: This imagine is based off of abuse and violence, but a super supportive and cuddly Auston. Please read at your own risk. If you need to talk, please reach out to someone, and my ask box is always open. 

Word count: 1,347

Song/s: Give Me Love - Ed Sheeran, Mess Is Mine - Vance Joy, Remedy - Adele, Past Lives - BORNS, and finally, fragile - gnash

Originally posted by calgaryinferno

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12x12 Coda: Watching Over You

I think this is the fastest I’ve ever written a coda.  Dean takes Cas to a motel to recover.  For the second coda this season, someone loses their shirt and there’s some bed sharing.  Sort of.

Cas isn’t stupid, not by a long shot.  Even through a haze of growing pain, he could watch.  He could listen.  And he didn’t miss how Mary’s eyes dropped for a fraction of a second when Ramiel demanded a stolen object returned.

He’d filed it away for later.  Well. That is, if there was a later, which at the moment, hadn’t seemed that likely.

Now that later is a reality, he can’t bring himself to impart the knowledge to Dean.  It’s been too stressful of an hour to add that.  So Cas quietly allows Dean to lead him, slowly, to the car Mary had taken to get them here.

He’s also not unobservant.  He doesn’t miss the way Dean’s hand is trembling, however minutely, on his arm.

“Only a few more steps,” Dean says in his ear.  Gentle. Soothing.  Like Cas imagines a hospice nurse would speak.  Dean’s still afraid he’s going to shatter into a million pieces, dissolve into oozing black goo. (Again.  Which recalls a few memories that Cas would rather forget.). “Take it easy, Cas.  This isn’t a race.”

“We’re crawling,” Cas points out, but he doesn’t argue.

Technically, he shouldn’t be tired at all, but there’s a certain lethargy to his bones that he can’t quite shake.  He suspects that there will be some time before he feels normal again.

“Shut up.” It’s said teasingly, but Cas can feel Dean’s eyes lingering on the back of his head a few beats longer than they normally would.

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deserving.

Fandom: Fairy Tail

Pairing: Nalu

Rated: T

Summary: Natsu finally came back after a year, and he knew he screwed up royally. And Lucy made sure to tell him. “You’re sorry?” She questioned, voice raising at the word sorry. “You’re sorry.” It was a statement, one filled with anger.

Word count:1133

HAPPY BIRTHDAY @x-benihime !!! You’re so old now omg ;) I hope this surprises you but I fucked up and told you I was writing but anyways, I hope you have a superb day my lovely <3 

I’m thinking of turning this into a series of one-shots, all sort of relating to a poem in my new book milk and honey by Rupi Kaur, but I’m not sure yet!

how do you turn
a forest fire like me
so soft i turn into
running water

{rupi kaur}


He fucked up.

The minute he saw that look in her eyes, one that he didn’t recognize, he knew it. He screwed up.

He missed out on a whole year with her. He missed her growing her hair out, her new stories, her new job.

But all of that didn’t matter when it got down to the main point.

He left her alone for a whole year.

He didn’t think the guild would dissolve. He thought she’d be surrounded by their family. But he was wrong and he knew it was a mistake he could never make right.

So when he saw her wall filled with their friends locations, Natsu felt his heart shatter. His gazed fell to her sleeping form, knowing that the smile she wore was only for when she dreamed of a better life.

His quickly came to a decision and quietly left her room, putting his clothes on and packing a few small items.

“Natsu?” He heard Happy say from behind him. Natsu turned to his partner, giving him a small, pained smile. Happy looked worried and not sure what to say to him and Natsu didn’t blame him. There wasn’t much to say.

“How could I have done that Happy?” His voice cracked at the end, on the verge of losing control of his emotions. “How could I have hurt her like that?” Natsu collapsed onto the couch, hands coming up to rest on his face as he beat himself up over it.

Happy jumped up onto the couch beside him, not saying anything for a few minutes. Natsu knew Happy was probably blaming himself for this a little bit as well, which wasn’t true and Natsu made a mental note to remind him of that later when he’s calmed down a bit.

“We couldn’t have known this would happen.” Happy broke the silence, voice shaking and tears threatening to spill.

“That doesn’t make it okay.”


They set up camp for the night on their way to find Wendy, pretending that everything was okay and that they could easily go back to how things were. Happy was sound asleep, muttering something about fish and Charle every now and then, causing Lucy to smile fondly at the exceed. Natsu was happy to see her smile; he really had missed it. The way it lit up her eyes and made the skin around her eyes crinkle the slightest bit.

She was beautiful.

“Lucy,” he started, but trailed off, not knowing how to say what he wanted to.

The smile faded from her face as she took in his expression, and she folded her hands on her lap in front of her. “What is it, Natsu?” She voiced softly. Kindly. He didn’t deserve her kindness.

“I just- I’m sorry.” He cursed to himself; he should have phrased that better.

He avoided her eyes- he didn’t want to see what she was thinking. He was selfish, he didn’t want to see her hurt or mad because of him, not anymore. He didn’t want the guilt.

But he deserved it.

“You’re sorry?” She questioned a few moments later, voice raising at the word sorry. “You’re sorry.” It was a statement, one filled with anger.

“Look at me.” He heard her stand up, and knowing that Lucy was scarier than Erza when she was angry, Natsu raised his head. She towered above him, hands formed into fists and resting on her hips. “I was completely alone for a year. You left me.” Shaking her head, she moved her arms to cross them over her chest, and it was only then that he noticed her eyes were shining from the tears she was holding back. “And all you have to say is that you’re sorry?” She started to yell, and a single tear fell down her cheek, shoulders shaking.

And he realized that she wasn’t crying because she was sad; she was crying because she was angry.

He winced, slowly getting to his feet while maintaining eye contact. “I know,” he moved closer to her as she jerked back a step, hands falling flat at her sides. “And I can’t think of the words to say how sorry I am Lucy, you know I was never good with them.” He reached out, grabbing her right hand with his left, gently entangling his fingers through hers. When she didn’t pull away he grabbed her left, doing the same thing. “All I can say right now is how sorry I am, and how much I missed you. I still miss you.”

Her lip quivered, tears falling more freely now as she ripped her hands out of his, causing him to stumble back in slight shock. She balled her hands into fists, and without warning she started to pound them against his chest, a sob ripping through her throat.

“A letter!” She screamed, hitting him over and over with anger, pain, defeat, and a million other emotions reflected in her eyes. “A letter.” She whispered, collapsing against him as she let the sobs take over. He quickly wrapped his arms around her, guiding them to the ground as he brought one hand up to stroke her hair, letting her cry without saying a word.

“I hated you.”

Lucy didn’t move from him as she started to speak, her sobs gone and replaced with silent tears falling down her cheek.

“At least, I thought I did for the longest time. I didn’t understand how you could just leave like that without saying goodbye. I still don’t get it.” She took a deep breath, hands curling up against him. “But then I realized I didn’t hate you, even though you’re a major ass,” she let out a breathy laugh before continuing, “I just can’t help it. I love you too much.”

Natsu felt his heart stop. He didn’t know what kind of love she meant, but it didn’t matter. God, how he wanted to hear her say it again. He smiled, tilting his head to kiss the top of her head.

“You deserve better than me.”

“I don’t want better.” She said it so softly he almost didn’t hear it.

His eyes went wide, heart beating faster as he rested his chin on top of her head, mind going blank. She was too good for him, she made him feel things he never thought he would. He loved her, down to the deepest parts of his heart, and he wasn’t never going to leave her again. He didn’t think he could bare it.

“I don’t deserve you.”

“But I need you.”

And without another word he listened to her breath deepen and her heartbeat steady as she fell asleep in his arms, and he couldn’t help but feel like everything would finally be okay.

That they would be okay.