i know an old lady who swallowed a fly

Like I know that people think that ‘liberals’ (or whatever they’re calling us these days) get upset about anything that mildly offends our worldview, but every year I have to listen to people say how ‘political correctness has gone too far’ because they see a book on our shelves. 

The book is “There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Snowball.”

This offends them because they presume that they changed it from “….Swallowed a Fly” because people overreacted in fear that children will follow example and make themselves sick and sued. “When will the censorship end!?”

When in reality, there are versions of this book for literally every season because the books make money. (Swallowed a fly, a snowball, a shamrock, a jack-o-lantern)

No one got sued over anything. 

The answer is literally capitalism. 

Starters meme! Horror movie edition
  • “A boy’s best friend is his mother." 
  • "A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.”
  • “Do you like scary movies?”
  • “Evil against evil." 
  • "Have you checked the children?" 
  • "I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil’s work." 
  • "I am your number one fan.”
  • “I can always smell a graveyard." 
  • "I like to dissect girls. Did you know I’m utterly insane?" 
  • "I said I’m not gonna hurt ya. I’m just gonna bash your brains in." 
  • "I see dead people." 
  • "I wanna hear you scream." 
  • "It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again." 
  • "It’s all true. The boogeyman is real, and you found him." 
  • "Look what you did to him!" 
  • "Oh yes, there will be blood." 
  • "Sometimes dead is better." 
  • "There’s a monster outside my room. Can I have a glass of water?" 
  • "There was an old lady who swallowed a fly, perhaps she’ll die.”
  • “They will say I have shed innocent blood. What’s blood for, if not for shedding?" 
  • "They’re all gonna laugh at you!" 
  • "They’re here!" 
  • "To die. To be really dead, that must be glorious!" 
  • "We all go a little mad sometimes." 
  • "What an excellent day for an exorcism." 
  • "What ever you do, don’t fall asleep." 
  • "What have you done to its eyes? What have you done to him? You maniacs!" 
  • "When there’s no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth.”
  • “Who’s laughing now?" 
  • "You gotta be fucking kidding." 
  • "You wanna know what happens to an eyeball when it gets punctured?" 
  • "You’re going to die up there." 
  • "You’re going to meet death now. The living dead!" 
  • "You’re gonna need a bigger boat.”
  • “You’re telling me that I should take my daughter to a witch doctor. Is that it?" 
  • "Your suffering will be legendary. Even in hell.”
I Knew

I knew a boy who liked to draw. He drew pictures that nobody saw.

I knew a girl. Her name was Truth. She was a horrible liar.

I knew an old lady who swallowed a fly. I don’t know why she swallowed the fly, I guess she’ll die.

I knew every raindrop by its name. I sensed everything before it happened.

I knew exactly what love looks like—in seventh grade. Even though I hadn’t met love yet, if love had wandered into my homeroom, I would’ve recognized him at first glance.

I knew exactly what to do but in a much more real sense I had no idea what to do.

I knew I belonged to the public and to the world, not because I was talented or even beautiful, but because I had never belonged to anything or anyone else.

I knew I didn’t see what you thought you saw in me. I jumped the gun—so sure you’d split and run. Ready for the worst before the damage was done.

I knew I had to leave the world behind me to find out who I was. I knew that love would never search for me; I had to search for it.

I knew I loved you when I farted and you didn’t run away.

I knew I matured when I realized every situation doesn’t need a reaction. I just accept shit for what it is, learn from it and move on.

I knew I needed you the first time you were gone.

I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started making sense.

I knew love before I left my nursery. Left alone with big fat Fanny. She was such a naughty nanny.

I knew no good would come from city folk and their flying machines!

I knew nothing about love. She knew everything.

I knew nothing but shadows and I thought them to be real.

I knew nothing of romance but it was love at second sight. I swear when I grow up I won’t just buy you a rose. I will buy the flower shop, and you will never be lonely.

I knew oh, I knew you’ve got green eyes. I feel oh, I feel the way it was when we were compromised.

I knew something was going to happen before it did.

I knew that I found a home for my heart beats fast. Colors and promises how to be brave. How can I love when I’m afraid to fall? But watching you stand alone all of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow.

I knew the bride when she used to rock and roll.

I knew the dog before it came to class.

I knew the second I met you that there was something about you I needed. Turns out it wasn’t something about you at all. It was just you.

I knew this day would come oh, but we sure gave love a whirl. Now the age that made no difference makes all the difference in the world but i can’t hold back the seasons. I curse the rising sun. I already know your reasons for i knew this day would come.

I knew when I met you an adventure was going to happen.

I knew who I was this morning but I’ve changed a few times since then.

I knew you were trouble when you walked in. So shame on me now, flew me to places I’d never been. Till you put me down.

—Mark Dimaisip

note: a little experiment with Google Search. Can you identify where they were lifted from?