i just word vomitted

“me too” is bothering me on a gut level I currently am unable to understand just yet, so I just need to word vomit right now

i am friends with guys on facebook who my “me too” would be about, but they have no idea because they don’t understand that the things they do are harrassment.

sexual assault is not always (and not usually) a hulking stranger emerging from the shadows and pulling you into a dark alley. sexual harassment is not always (but sometimes is) a middle aged man screaming “nice tits” out his truck window.

it’s the guy you meet at a party and have interesting conversation with, but gets handsy when you drink too much, even after you told him you have a boyfriend

it’s the fuck buddy who begs for sex when you’re not in the mood and you finally just give in after saying no a million times, and lay there quietly while he uses your body to get himself off, because he’s so much bigger than you and you know how hard he can hit

it’s the man in his 30s who you’re volunteering with, who makes jokes about the age of consent. “don’t want the cops to come knocking on my door!” you are 16 and you know, even at that age, to laugh it off because there is nothing scarier than a man who feels slighted by a female

it is the two men who follow you through the mall and out to the street because your ass looks good in leggings. they stop you in a secluded area and ask if you have a husband. you forget to lie, and it takes nearly five minutes to extract yourself from the conversation, your heart pounding the whole time, a smile plastered to your face. walking away, you can’t stop thinking “they could’ve hurt me, they could’ve hurt me, they could’ve hurt me”

dear men: assume every female you know has experienced sexual harassment or assault in some form or another. we should not have to stand here, bleeding and raw and exposed, for you to believe that there is a problem. and do not assume that you, yourself, are not part of it.

I haven’t animated in so long??

[Major Spoilers] “Follow your true feelings!”: My Musings on P5′s Wildcard Couple

Can we talk about Morgana’s astute observations regarding Akechi’s true feelings for Akira? Can we talk about how (Morgana’s words–not mine) Akechi’s smile when he was hanging out with Akira had been genuine? This boy– who had distanced himself from everyone, who had wrapped himself up in layers upon layers of lies that he wears like a second skin, who had made revenge his one and only goal in life – had also, in spite of himself, serendipitously found kinship in the one boy whom he has decided that he has to kill. 

Keep reading

Ok so in Cherry Bomb Mark said something really,,, interesting:
‘’hater, hater, talk, talk, whatever i hear from you, i can digest easily. take a fist or a stone or a gunshot. Strong nine, take it, a cherry bomb’‘ 
Which, in my opinion, clearly stands for the hate Donghyuck has been getting for his ‘’scandal’’ + the hate Johnny and Doyoung got for being added to NCT 127 and let me tell you i’m so proud of Mark for always addressing such things just like in Mad City with the iconic line ‘’Why are they doubting TY?’’
He’s truly an angel that wants the best for his members.💖

2

#we don’t talk about this beautiful boy’s insecurity enough #and we should #because isak valtersen blames himself for things that are out of his control #and he’s so blinded by this misplaced guilt that he can’t see #that bad things don’t necessarily happen because of him #(and that maybe he’s worth a small ounce of regret once in a while) #but he doesn’t need to apologize for something that is not his fault #and this small parallel was so important to me #because it’s just that #just a small little detail #but i was so glad someone finally told him that it’s not his fault #it’s not always his fault #and maybe from here on out #after everything he’s been through #after everything he’s accepted about himself #he’ll finally start loving himself enough to start believing that

actual confession: the Low Budget Anime men, aka hetalia, helped me get a distinction for my history a-levels. by that, i don’t mean ‘oh em gee i read all the comic strips and watched the episodes!! ww1 is about a man hiding in a tomato box’ or ‘who needs history textbooks when you have hetalia X3 c’

by that, i do mean that i had 5 billion topics, dates, events and important figures to memorise, understand and argue about if i wanted to meet my conditional offer to a Certain University. it was an overload of information, not to mention all the other subjects i had to study for at the same time, including maths, which lol, had been a trainwreck. so, to make it interesting and memorable because i’m a very visual person memory-wise —i produced what was basically an entire comic strip of my notes :^) rewrote facts about the potsdam and yalta conferences as alfred and ivan sniping while arthur sat in a wheelchair in the background (shrinking britannia! make way for the american century!). the berlin blockade was ivan attempting to throttle ludwig. the marshall plan was alfred smugly hooking europe up to an IV and raining dollar bills down on them. they were sloppy and snappy doodles that weren’t always presented in the most tasteful manner— but this was just for my own consumption—and it did the job, which was to make the huge volume of information i had to absorb and synthesise stick in my memory. 

and i guess, it’s sort of a metaphor for why i engage with the series and fandom. it’s not about being uncritical of the original canon (far from it. fandom is so often about rewriting and reinterpretations, yeah?), but about taking and running with the concept of national personifications to humanise history. the idea of national personifications is ancient (there’s a roman carving of the emperor claudius manhandling britannia in some sort of dramatic and rather crass metaphor for Pax Romana, which is like, the first time britannia ever appears in world art). the idea of putting a human face to the large, amorphous mass of the nation- an imagined community- is something many people have found compelling for a very long time. it’s completely understandable that some do not want to engage with the series at all. it is undeniable fandom has problems that we all try to work on. but i certainly feel that for a number of us? the reason we’re still here in low budget anime men hell? because of the template it gives us to put a human face to large, chaotic grand narratives and thereby make them comprehensible. (and the bonus of getting to draw historical fashion, i mean. fascinating.)

lgbt+ (ya/mg) books read in 2016!

so a lot of people still reblog my “60+ queer books” post from 2014. ngl, i was barely 16 at the time and had not read a lot of books on that list (it was def intended to be more a listing than pure recommendation), mostly because adult fiction was and remains far from my favorite literary category. this list isn’t as intensely detailed, but i just thought that since the year is over i might jot down some of the lgbt+ books i loved or at least moderately enjoyed this year, in case anyone was interested! happy reading!

(and in advance, excuse my commentary o<-<)

ya favorites

  • i’ll give you the sun by jandy nelson — m/m. HEART-WRENCHING. GUTTING. EARTH-SHATTERING. 
  • we are the ants by shaun david hutchinson m/m (suicide cw) 
  • my most excellent year by steve kugler m/m. gay asam main character and the best character dynamics ❤️____❤️
  • the flywheel by erin gough f/f
  • gives light (6-part series) by rose christo — m/m. centered around a mute main character on an indian reservation (written by a native author!), features one of the most uplifting romances of recent media (cw for csa mention later in the series)

other ya books 
ordered approximately by rating

  • far from you by tess sharpe — f/f. bisexual protagonist (drug addiction, murder cw) a book on recovery, love, trust, justice, understanding… gut punch!!!!!
  • into the blue by pene henson — m/m
  • not your sidekick by c.b. lee — f/f. DOES THE TITLE NOT MAKE UR HEART SQUEEZE ALREADY? features half-chinese & half-vietnamese bisexual protagonist in futuristic superheroic universe! the second book will be about a trans black side character *___*
  • starting from here by lisa jenn bigelow — f/f. you will cry and be made a better person for it. 
  • almost like being in love by steve kugler — m/m
  • tell me again how a crush should feel by sara farizan— f/f. sometimes this book is like :|||| but sometimes it’s like :DDDD! persian american protagonist. 
  • the darkest part of the forest by holly black — both m/f and m/m (like i’ll give you the sun). for your slightly more indulgent ya needs!
  • you know me well by nina lacour, david levithan — f/f, m/m
  • the great american whatever by tim federle — m/m. if you enjoy mg or find its lgbt+ subsection especially important (or both, like me!), definitely make sure you check out federle’s better nate than ever series!
  • last seen leaving by caleb roehrig — m/m
  • wonders of the invisible world by christopher barzak — m/m. magical realism fix may be found here 👍
  • true letters from a fictional life by kenneth logan — m/m. tbh people call it the “male version of ‘to all the boys i’ve loved before’” but also neglect mentioning that it’s a lot whiter, too. where’s that supportive covey family goodness… that precocious but caring lara jean spirit? it’s just not there…
  • colorblind by siera maley — f/f
  • her name in the sky by kelly quindlen — f/f
  • radio silence by alice oseman — f/f, m/m, not hugely romance-focused

middle grade
there were very few releases this year that i was aware of, unfortunately! my old list’s selection remains a good place to look. here are 3 that i would recommend though:

(i think i might have read george in 2015, but i felt that i might as well put them all together!)

  • george by alex gino — follows the story of a trans girl. its storyline is similar to gracefully grayson, but unlike gg it is written by a trans author!
  • the other boy by m.g. hennessey — follows the story of a trans boy. pretty solid story except… uncalled for random racist comment in the middle of the book… wyd (waiting for the mg genre to grow more inclusive of lgbt+ children of color! not being racially hostile is the FIRST STEP.)
  • gracefully grayson by ami polansky 

+ A GRAPHIC NOVEL MOST OF U HAVE PROBABLY READ ALREADY: LUMBERJANES!! love it breathe it read it

if you want some mg books that have casually gay side/main-ish characters, i can name the wolf wilder and the thing about jellyfish, although… you have to kind of dig for it, so i wouldn’t call these revolutionary moments of representation, but! it’s just a nice addition to separate stories that remind you that the middle grade genre can be inclusive w/o becoming entirely issue-based (which i find sometimes more inaccessible for children? i ramble!). i do believe it’s good for young children to read this kind of fiction, too! 

__

finally, some lgbt+ books i did not enjoy or care for in any capacity, for posterity: highly illogical behavior (gross narrative surrounding mental health, sexuality), symptoms of being human (ya book abt a nonbinary character; written by cis author who bscly uses sexual assault as plot device & doesn’t acknowledge neutral pronouns?), know not why (really unapologetically homophobic tbh), whatever.: or how junior year became totally f$@ked, more happy than not (so… bleak…), see you at harry’s, and lily and dunkin (this is the fourth mg book about a trans character that i’m aware of; i found its message hugely alarming and invalidating). that doesn’t mean you won’t enjoy them, though! 

10

happy 28th birthday kim minseok! I’ve only be lucky enough to celebrate your special day 4 times, but I hope that in the future that you’ll always be happy and healthy. it’s hard to express the unbound affection I have for you, but I’ll try my best! I hope that when you face hardship, you continue to persevere; to work hard no matter what and to never give up your dreams. regardless of your success or failures, I will always look at you with kind eyes. no matter what you decide to do in life, I will try to support you to the best of my abilities. you have so much time ahead of you, I’m certain that you’ll be able to touch even more hearts like you have with mine and so many others already. thank you for being my sunshine on a cloudy day. thank you for always inspiring me, for always giving me a reason to try harder, and helping to better myself as a person. I’m glad we are able to grow together like this, following our own respective paths. I hope that you only have to walk the flower road, but I do understand that every person must face obstacles and hardship to grow and improve as a person. no matter what, I hope that everything you face help shape you into the person you will be tomorrow and way into the future. while I don’t know everything you have gone through, I do know that whatever most of it was, it has helped mold you into the person I see you now. far from perfect, since we’re all human, I still adore you anyways. your flaws that you might nitpick about, the haters who try to bring you down, please know that me and so many others will be here to support you and to lift you up from those painful times. your family, your members and your friends are there for you and that brings comfort to me to know that you’re not alone. regardless of what the future may bring, be unabashedly yourself and don’t be afraid to show the world just how amazing you are.

Lance dropping casual observations about Keith is a pure and good thing.

They’re on a new planet and Lance is trying out the food at a local festival. He’s thankful for the green goop and Hunk has done wonders in experimenting with the flavor, but sometimes a guy needs a little more variety. Or at least something that tastes like coconut. He grabs some sort of kabob looking thing and takes a small bite. As soon as the flavor hits him, he’s bounding across the room waving the dish excitedly in Keith’s face shouting, “Dude you HAVE to try this, you’re gonna love it.”

It’s hot pink with green stripes an….fuzzy? Keith raises an eyebrow at the striped mammalian horror for a moment, then narrows his eyes at Lance. “It’s not going to turn me green or make me throw up is it?”

Lance rolls his eyes. “That was one time, get over it already. Nothing weird is going to happen, I just know you have a sweet tooth so I think you’ll like it.”

Keith is blindsided by the statement. How does Lance even know that? What the quiznak? He doesn’t realize he’s silently staring at Lance until the blue paladin is waving the food in his face once again. “Are you gonna try it or what?”

Keith brushes the surprise off; he’ll think about it later. “Um… yeah, sure. Stop trying to stab me in the face with it, jeez.”

Keith ends up eating 11 of the seussian skewers before they go back to the castle for the night.



“What are you nervous about?”

Keith’s posture stiffens. He didn’t even hear Lance enter the common room. “What makes you think I’m nervous?”

Lance climbs over the back of the couch to seat himself on it - because he can’t just be normal and walk around to sit like a normal person - before answering. “You’re staring off into space, ha, and messing with the Velcro on your gloves. You only do that when you’re nervous about something.”

“How do you even know that?!” The question tumbles out of Keith’s mouth without explicit permission.

Lance pulls his legs up to cross them and raises an eyebrow. “I pay attention, obviously.” He looks away before adding “So….what’s wrong.”

They talk for a while. It’s not a magic cure, but Keith doesn’t feel like the universe is completely falling apart afterwards. It’s…nice.

Pidge finds the t-shirt on one of their trips to the space mall. It says something along the lines of “Edge Lord” on it in an alien tongue and Pidge thought it was the most hilarious thing they had ever seen an immediately bought it. Keith wrinkles his nose at it, but leaves the room to pull it on anyways. He’s never really had a family, but Pidge is so much like a younger sibling and they looked so proud of the gift. He doesn’t want to let them down. So, he slips it on and marches back into the training deck, determined to not be embarrassed. Which meant that Lance had made his way into the room just before Keith returned, of course.

Lance actually does a double take before he’s consumed with laughter. Keith pouts. When the full body howling finally dies down to more of a giggle, Lance looks over at Pidge. “Is THAT the shirt you bought him?”

They grin, “Yup.”

“God bless you Pidge. I can’t believe you got him to wear it though, Keith hates the color orange.” There’s no time for Keith to wonder how it is that Lance became privy to that information because Lance gives him another look over and grins. “With good reason too. It’s definitely not your color dude.”

Keith immediately pulls the boot off of his left foot and chucks it at Lance’s head. He doesn’t actually throw it hard, but he also doesn’t miss. 

Hunk finds a shop that sells space candy on another trip to the space mall a few weeks after the t-shit incident. They look and taste like jelly beans and even come in a myriad of assorted colors. Everyone on the ship is basically obsessed with them. No one brings it up, but the space jellies, as lance loving calls them, remind everyone on the team of home. It’s bittersweet and Coran makes sure the kitchen is well stocked with them. 

It’s the middle of the night and Keith can’t sleep, so he drags himself to the kitchen for a midnight snack. Lo and behold, he notices a certain Cuban boy sitting on the counter tossing space jellies in the air and trying to catch them with his mouth. Lance’s antics are ridiculous, but they’re also kind of…. endearing? Keith shakes the thought from his head and rolls his eyes for good measure before making his way to the pantry. 

If it had been anyone else, there would have been at least three boxes left and a cold juice sitting there waiting for the taking. BUT it’s Keith, so that means the last box of space jellies is currently being consumed by Lance who rattles a half finished box and says, “Looking for these?”

When Keith turns to face him, Lance is grinning from ear to ear. It’s definitely not cute. “You took the last one.”

Lance’s smile doesn’t falter at Keith’s grumpy tone. “Sure did.”

Keith huffs and turns back to the pantry, resigns himself to grabbing a bag of little pea shaped things that taste like banana at first, but leave a burnt toast aftertaste. Pidge is obsessed with them, Keith doesn’t really get it but he needs something to snack on so he sits a the table and tears opens the bag.

A few minutes go by and the silence is only broken up by Lace humming a few bars of some song Keith has never heard before. He likes it though and he’ s almost tempted to ask Lance to hum it a little louder. But that’s weird. So he just stares at his pea things and occasionally places one in his mouth.

A box is suddenly placed in front of Keith as Lance slides onto the seat directly across from him smiling. “You like the black ones, right?” He says it with an air of confidence that only Lance possesses but there’s some sort of undertone to it that Keith can’t quite identify. Fondness maybe?

Keith shifts his gaze from the boy in front of him back down to the box of space jellies. There are quite a few of Keith’s preferred jellies in there and it almost seems like Lance had planned on saving all of them for Keith before he even came into the kitchen. Keith pushes the thought away and looks back up at Lance to mutter a thank you. When Lance smiles this time it’s blinding and genuine. Keith has to avert his gaze yet again, because when Lance gives him that specific brand of smile… his heart starts to do weird things.

The humming starts again and when Keith is done with his jellies they clean up and Lance walks him to his room. The “Goodnight” Lace utters before heading to his room is accompanied with a small wave and a soft smile. Keith falls back to sleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. 

They’re sitting side by side on the floor of the bridge staring upwards at the holographic image of Earth’s sun and all of the stars surrounding it. It doesn’t happen every night, not that there’s really a night or a day in space, either way they should both be asleep at these time none the less, but it’s not uncommon for one of them to find the other sitting by a window looking out at the endless space that surrounds them at all times now.

Sometimes they just sit together in comfortable silence. Sometimes they make up stupid constellations to make one another laugh. Occasionally they’ll both lay down next to each other as they look out a window at an unfamiliar planet and talk about all kinds of things in muted tones. 

Tonight though, there was something about the look in Lance’s eyes that made Keith take him by the wrist and lead him to the bridge to look at the familiar stars they’d both grown up staring at. 

Keith smiles as he points to another cluster and says, “That’s Lyra.”

Lace looks up. “It’s small.”

“Yep.” The red paladin nods. “It’s the 52nd constellation in order from largest to smallest, but Vega is part of the constellation and that’s the fifth brightest star in Earth’ s night sky.”

Lance pulls his legs to his chest and rests his chin on his knees. “Isn’t there a myth behind it about a musician or something?”

“Yeah, Orpheus. The story is pretty sad actually.”

Lance spares Keith a glance paired with a smirk before looking back at the hologram. A half smile shouldn’t twist Keith’s stomach like that, but it does. “Greek mythology usually is Keith.” There’s a brief pause before Lance turns back to Keith again and asks “Will you tell me the story?” 

This time Lance doesn’t look away. His gaze is fixed on Keith and the expression he’s making and the tone of voice he’s using isn’t quite as unfamiliar to Keith anymore as it was four months back. In fact, he gives Keith that look every night they sit together under the stars, and sometimes throughout the day when he thinks no one is looking, or when he catches Keith laughing at one of his jokes. Lance looks at Keith like precious, like he’s the most beautiful thing in the universe and it never fails to make Keith’s mouth go dry or increase his heartrate.

“You don’t want to hear me ramble about some random Greek tragedy.” He can’t look away from those eyes. Who awarded Lance the right to have such perfect blue eyes? They’re the pools of water you land in when you’ve followed the river down the waterfall and Keith has never been a strong swimmer. It’s not fair.

“I do.” Lance sounds so sincere. Why does he have to sound like that? Why is his voice so soft and fond? Two syllables came out of that mouth. Simple words, three letters, one space between the first and the last two when written down, and they still manage to knock the breath from Keith’ s lungs. 

When it’s just him and Keith, Lance is different. The obnoxious jokes, and the issuing of lame little competitions between the two of them, and the occasional bickering are all still there even when they’re alone. Keith just feels like there’s something…extra. Like bonus content you only get when you’ve purchased the collector’s edition of a game or something. Lance’s edges get softer and he’s more honest about what he’s feeling when no one else is in the room. He’s  a little more sincere, more prone to being serious, and it’s stunning.

“Please? I like to hear your voice.” Keith still can’t manage to tear his eyes away from the boy sitting next to him, and he knows. He knows that he’s beat red. It’s so, so embarrassing, but he still takes a deep breath when his lungs figure out how they’re supposed to work again and he starts telling the story. 

“So, you were right. Orpheus was a musician, but not like any run of the mill musician, he was the best harpist in all of Greece, even the gods acknowledged his talents.” Lance whistles and Keith tries very hard to not be distracted by the way his lips pucker to make the sound. “Umm…. So, on his wedding day his wife, Eurydice, got separated from the wedding party and got bit on the heel by a snake while she was running away from a Satyr with… less that pure intentions and died.”

“That’s awful.” It’ s almost a whisper.

“Yeah, it really is.” Keith pauses for a moment to silently mourn a fictional nymph. Which, okay yeah it’s probably dumb, but whatever. If Keith had learned anything in the last six months of constant warfare, it’s that patience yields focus and you should always respect the dead. He continues, “Anyways, Orpheus was so heartbroken that he decided to take a journey to the underworld to strike a bargain with Hades to get her back. So when he got there he just started playing this song, and it was so beautiful that even the stones around them start crying and it moved both Hades and his wife Persephone’s hearts or whatever, so Hades cut him a deal.”

“He told Orpheus that if he started walking to the gates of Hell Eurydice would follow behind him and be returned to the world of the living, but only if he didn’t look back at her until they were both out of Hades’ domain. So he walked and walked and had to keep reminding himself that no matter how much his heart told him to, he couldn’t look back. So, when he reached the upperworld he finally looked back, except he forgot to account for the fact that Eurydice could be farther than a foot behind him. She hadn’t reached the entry yet, so she was dragged back down to stay in the world of the dead.”

Lance makes a small sound, whining sound. It’s the same sound Lance always makes when he hears something sad or sees wounds on a comrade after a battle. Keith reaches a hand out to push Lance’s bangs back partly because he knows it’s the easiest way to sooth the blue paladin, and partly because it was an excuse to touch him.

He pulls his hand back, not without reluctance but he still has the rest of the story to tell and being mesmerized by Lance melting under his fingertips would be a little too distracting for Keith to remember how words work. “After that he only ever played sad music. There are a few different versions of how the myth ends, but the one that’s told most often is that in his grief he didn’t pay tribute to the god of wine and he was torn limb from limb as punishment. The muses carried his harp into the sky to form Lyra and immortalize Orphus’s tragedy in the night sky.”

All at once there’s a weight on Keith’s side that was not previously there. Lance had closed the small space between them so that he could rest his head against Keith’s should and lean into him. 

Lance makes an amused sound. “Of course your favorite constellation in the sky would be the one with the with the most depressing love story behind it.”

Keith furrows his brow. He’s been pointing out different constellations all night and he just doesn’t get how Lance picked out his favorite one so easily. His heart does something weird again. It’s painful and also…  pleasant? warm? nice? 

Keith does it too, though. Off of the top of his head he could tell you that Lance hates everything remotely flavored like cooked carrots, but will eat anything that tastes like raw ones. He could write poems about how Lance always worries his bottom lip with his teeth when he’s not quite sure what to say. He could almost list all of the names of the people in Lance’s absurdly large family in alphabetical order and tell you at least two facts about each one of them. Keith could tell you all about how Lance mumbles under his breath in Spanish when he’s scared or exhausted. It wouldn’t sound as pretty, but he could hum you all of the songs Lance sings when he’s happy.

Keith know without a shadow of a doubt why he remembers every tiny detail that Lance has ever revealed to him. There wasn’t a specific moment he realized he was in love with Lance, it had been happening slowly for a long time now. And, yeah, Keith thinks he has an idea as to  why Lance knows so many small truths about him too. He’s just… never asked for confirmation. So he plays with the velcro on his gloves for split second before deciding to take them off completely and setting them aside. He burns a hole in the projected image of Earth’s sun and bites the bullet.

“Why do you keep doing that?”

Lance lifts his head from Keith’s should and settles his chin in it’s place so that he gets a better view of Keith’s profile. “Doing what?”

Keith musters up the courage to turn his face and look directly into Lance’s eyes. Their noses are almost touching now. “Noticing all of these… I don’t know, these like, obscure little things about me that no one else notices. Like knowing I like black space jellies when I’ve never actually vocalized anything about that, or remember when Hunk tried to shove that plant in my face so I could smell it and you swatted it out of his hands because it looked like a tulip and you remembered I was allergic to them. Or knowing that my favorite color is blue and that my least favorite is burnt orange.”

“To be fair burnt orange is an awful color in general.”

“Okay, yeah, but you always know when I’m upset, or nervous, or happy because of some weird hand gesture that I usually don’t even know I’m doing until you point it out. Why do you know all of those things Lance? Why do you remember them?”

One of Lance’s eyebrows quirks up and he teases, “Do you really want to know?”

Keith let’s out an exasperated breath. “Well, I asked didn’t I? So yeah Lance, I want to know.”

The smirk falls off of Lace’s face and he shifts himself to sit on his feet so that his body is facing Keith’s. Lace keeps his eyes trained on the floor, looking like he’s waging some sort of internal battle, and when he finally looks back up at Keith there’s determination burning in his expression and maybe a little fear. 

Lance opens his mouth to speak…and then he closes it. He does this four times before bringing his folded hands up from his lap to cover his face. Lance complains into his hands in hushed Spanish. 

When he peaks out from between his fingers and then drops them uselessly back in his lap, his cheeks and ears are an adorable shade of red and he smiles at Keith sheepishly. “You know, for someone who talks so much, I’m really not all that great with words when it comes to stuff like this.” 

The words are accompanied by a self deprecating laugh. Keith frowns and tries to make his voice sound encouraging when he says “Take your time.”

Lance smiles, but there’s a bitter edge to it. “That’s the thing though, all I’ve been doing is taking my time. I’m kind of sick of it honestly. I keep trying to find the exact right words to say to you and I practice in my head and then as soon as I consider opening my mouth to say it, I just forget how to talk or I say something dumb. And it’s just so ridiculous, you know? Because it doesn’t have to be some drawn out dramatic speech like I keep telling myself. It’s actually just so stupidly simple and I don’t get why I’m so scared to mess it up. But really, how hard is it to say “because” and follow it up with three words? I look at you an I just…” Lance stares at him. “I just…” Lance lifts his hands and places them on either side of Keith’s face. 

Keith’s heart is trying to make its great escape by bludgeoning it’s way out of his chest. He’s pretty sure his entire rib cage is turning to dust and his body is down a set of lungs. They’ve just ceased existing. What are lungs? No clue, never heard of them.

“Keith.” Lance’s voice cracks just a little when he says the name and he swallows and starts again. “Keith. Keith Kogane. My buddy, my pal. I know that you have a sweet tooth, and that you love a good hug but don’t know how to ask for one when you need it. I know that you’re smart, and talented, and think butterscotch candies are the sole creation of the devil himself.”

Keith can’t help the laughter that escapes him and it makes Lance smile the way he always does when Keith so much as chuckles.

“I know that you have the best laugh I’ve ever heard. You have no idea how much I love that laugh. Seriously. I know you collect snow globes, and love conspiracy theories-”

“They’re not all just theories Lance, there’s a lot of evidence out -”

“Shhhhhh, you asked me a question and I’m trying to answer it and I’m kind of on a roll after mumbling for five minutes about how this wasn’t going to be some drawn out thing. But I’m just focusing on you instead of some practiced speech and I’m actually forming mildly coherent sentences, so be quiet. I haven’t even gotten to the best part yet.”

“I know a bunch of tiny little facts about you, and yeah sure part of that is because I’m super observant and totally cool,” he winks, “but I notice all of those things specially about you because…” Lance swallows hard and takes a calming breath. “I lo-”

Keith has been told many times that he gives into impulses too quickly, that he’s too impatient. And…yeah, it’s true, absolutely, and he’s working on it. No, really, he is! Try as he might though, he couldn’t handle another second of wanting to kiss Lance and not doing it when the opportunity clearly presented itself. 

It’s not the smoothest first kiss, but it’s not all teeth and bumping noses either, and it leads into soft drawn out kisses, and kisses that can barely even be called that because the two of them are grinning so wide. 

When Keith pulls away a faux pouty expression take over Lance’s face. “You didn’t even let me finish.” He starts to waggle his eyebrows in the most obnoxious way possible and says “These lips were just irresistible huh? I guess I’m just too smoochable.”

How the hell does Keith find this so cute? 

“Hey, Keith?” 

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Cringe (Reddie) Chapter Two

Summary: “I WILL NOT HAVE A FAGGOT AS A SON.” Mrs Kaspbrak’s palm struck Eddie across the face, silencing him.

I guess you don’t have a son then.” And with that Eddie, hand pressed to his burning cheek, walked past her, out the front door and into the night.

Warning(s): Self Harm, Sad Boys, suicidal thoughts, period typical homophobia, abuse of alcohol, (I will add more for later chapters)

Authors Note: This is my first offical fic! The title is from the song ‘Cringe’ by Matt Maeson. The characters are aged up, probably around 16? Feedback is much appreciated  ❤ 

P.S. I’M REALLY SORRY I MADE THEM BOTH SO SAD. ALSO I DIDN’T EDIT THIS AT ALL SO SORRY IF IT’S SHITTY

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  • Emma: I love you.
  • Cristina: I love you too, best friend.
  • Emma: No, like I really fucking love you.
  • Cristina: yes... you said that. I love you too.
  • Emma: No! I love you as in I would marry you.
  • Cristina: Emma... you're straight.
  • Emma: I know. I don't care. I would give up my straightness to marry you. That's how much I love you.
  • Cristina:
  • Cristina: Alright how many shots in are you?
  • Emma: dunno what you're talkin' about. My love for you has nothing to do with intoxication.
  • Cristina:
  • Emma:
  • Emma: Four.
  • Cristina: Yeah we're going home now.
Prompt: dialogue only

Sorry I’m behind on it, I didn’t see this one where I started my other fic with the prompt: “did you just__” So I figured I’m going to do a continuation of the Ballet! AU seeing as though so many people asked me to!

@inunanna @grapefruitwannabe @mustardyellowsunshine


“Sorry..”

“Why are you apologizing?”

“For bein’ dumb earlier i guess.”

“Dumb?”

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I keep thinking about Flint’s transformation from what felt like a realist when he met Thomas, to the idealist he was at the end of the show. It seemed such a drastic view change, but when you dissect it, it actually makes a ton of sense. 

Part of it, a large portion, definitely had to do with Thomas. At first, James was the one to hold Thomas back when he flew too high, the one to point out when things would not work out. He was the one that kept their endeavor grounded. 

“Thomas, he sees only the principle. The right. It’s inspiring. It can be intoxicating. It’s why I love him. But you, you see the world as it is, you see its truths and how to navigate them, how to bend them to your will. It’s why I love you. Men like Thomas need men like you, to protect them from the world and that is what I am asking you to do.” 

But then he fell, and he fell hard. Or rather, what’s even more than that, he came to believe in Thomas. And perhaps at first, it was just that. But I think in time, he genuinely came to believe in the cause, through that belief. 

And I think that’s where the second part comes in; James McGraw/Flint may not have had faith in the world, or England and its system, but the one thing he continually exhibits is his faith in people at their core, as individuals apart from the system. I think that’s where his weakness lies, the loophole to his often somber view of the world. 

“But I cannot believe that that is all there is. I cannot believe we are so poorly made as that, incapable of surviving in the state in which we were born, grown so used to the yoke that there can be no progress without it.”

Thomas, Miranda, Gates, Eleanor, Madi, John Silver. Probably others I’m neglecting to mention. It’s what kept him going all this time, time and time again when things got out of control. His belief in them, and the fact that there are good people out there, ones that could do better if given the chance.

“I think you’re a good man. More people should say that. And someone should be willing to defend it.”

“I think that you are the best of us. The two of you together hold the world in balance.”

I think that right there is the ultimate comparison that shows this particular concept connecting James McGraw and Captain Flint. It explains how someone with so little faith in the world, someone that the world has let down so many times, could have such immense faith in people still. And I just think that’s such a beautiful character concept.

To The Moon And Back

A while back @carrie11 tagged me asking if I could write something for this pic. So here you go. Nothing but flufff ahead. 

Mulder is hiding in the kitchen, not touching anything, not even the dirty dishes. With his luck he’d shatter Scully’s favorite plate, or flood the whole apartment. He wishes he could just leave, disappear, but that would be selfish and cowardly. Or would it? He glances at the kitchen table where a bunch of diapers, unused, lie scattered. Scully didn’t say it, never says it, but he’s useless here. Instead of being a father, he is a second baby in need of attention and supervision. Scully doesn’t need this. Or him.

“Mulder?” She walks into the kitchen gently rocking William, who is wearing a diaper three sizes too big for his small form. He’s cooing happily, at least. Scully, hair and clothes disheveled, looks anything but. It’s his fault, of course, and he’d do anything for her right now. “I know I said it was all right but… could you maybe go and buy the right sized diapers after all? It doesn’t really work.” He sees it now on Scully’s shirt. It’s white. Or rather it’s supposed to be. Right now it’s dotted with yellow and brown spots.

“Of course.” He swallows hard.

“I found this,” Scully stops him momentarily in his haste to get away from here. She hands him a piece of cardboard. “Just… these are the diapers. If you can’t find them yourself ask someone.” Mulder takes it and nods solemnly. He considers kissing her, but she turns away from him again before he can. With a sigh, he leaves, closing the door quietly behind him.

Before he puts the three bags of diapers into his cart, Mulder makes sure they are the right size this time. Ten times. It’s the right one, he is certain. He quickly maneuvers through the aisles, trying not to get distracted again. Who knew it was this difficult to buy diapers. They should use bigger letters and numbers on their front, he thinks. Not cute babies. None of the babies are as cute as William, of course. Yet, staring at these toothless, smiling faces he’d been reminded of his own son back home, safe in his mother’s arms. So no, he hadn’t noticed the age indicator in the corner. All Mulder had seen was a baby that resembled William and he’d bought those diapers without even thinking. Not this time, though. He stops for a moment, checks the size once more, just to be sure. He doesn’t want to face Scully again, see the confusion in her eyes, hear the disappointment in her voice. He can do this. If he can do nothing else, but damn it, he can buy diapers for his son.

When Mulder lifts his head again, he notices that he’s surrounded by baby clothes. Oh oh. He tries not to look at the cute little outfits, but his legs feel like lead as he tries to leave as quickly as possible. Then he sees it, stops without even wanting to. It’s a bib, nothing more. They have plenty of those already. They don’t need any more. They don’t have a bib like this, though. Mulder picks it up, the fabric soft under his fingers, and stares at it. The longer he contemplates buying it, he figures, the later he’ll be back at Scully’s. So he throws it atop the diapers, decision made, and hurries to get back home.

Mulder hears William babbling the minutes he unlocks the door. He grins; the sound his favorite these days. He doesn’t know how he’s lived without it, before.

“Hey.” Scully sits in the rocking chair in the nursery, William against her chest. Her hand is on their restless son’s back.

“Oh hey,” her voice sounds exhausted, as if far away, “you’re back.” Her eyes wander to the bag he’s holding and Mulder shows her that this time, this once, he didn’t screw it up.

“The right ones.” He tries not to sound proud. He should have bought the right ones the first time.

“Can you take him?” Scully gets up with difficulty and hands Mulder the baby.

“Hey buddy.” William’s eyes grow big and he starts kicking his tiny feet joyfully. At least someone’s glad he is around, Mulder thinks.

“I’d like to take a shower,” Scully says shrugging off her robe right there in the middle of the nursery, “can you watch him for ten minutes? Maybe change him into a fitting diaper.” To his greatest surprise, Scully smiles at him. It’s tired and small, but it’s there.

“Sure, we’ll be fine.” He isn’t sure that’s the truth, but Scully believes him, and shuffles off into the bathroom. A few moments later he hears the shower come on.

“All right, buddy. Your mom says you need a new diaper,” Mulder tells William in a gentle voice, quickly undressing him and taking off the diaper. The boy hates the changing table, is much rather upright where he can see the world, his curious eyes always finding something new. “You’ll grow into these one day, Willy boy,” his son squeaks and Mulder nods at him, “I hope your mom lets me stay around long enough to see it. I’m not exactly father of the year, huh?” Mulder quickly puts one of the new diapers on his son, fastens it, and marvels at his accomplishment until William reminds him that he’s still there, too.

“Right. Let’s put your clothes back on. You know, I bought you something today that you’ll love. I hope you do, anyway. You’re half Scully, so I guess skepticism is part of your genetic make-up. But you’re also part me,” Mulder whispers and grins at William, who seems to have forgotten that he’s on the hated changing table, staring up at his father, listening intently to his words, “so I thought you’d like something that’s a bit more out there. I know your mom prefers these plain things saying you don’t know the difference yet anyway, but it’s never too early to start, right?” With one hand on his son’s stomach, Mulder rummages through his shopping bag. He takes out the bib he bought earlier, shows it to William who pushes his tiny arms into the air, trying to grab it.

“No, no. It’s something you wear.” Carefully, Mulder puts the bib around William’s neck. The boy gurgles, kicks his arms and legs. “You like it, huh? Yeah, me too. Looks good on you. I may not be the best, most organized dad around, Will. But I love you so much. More than I ever thought possible. I love you to the moon and back,” Mulder says, leaving kisses on his son’s stomach, who squeals in delight. “I might send you to school without lunch, but I’ll never not answer any of your questions. If your mom lets me, I’ll tell you all about these planets here, the moon and the stars. All of it, William.”

“Even about the aliens, Mulder?” Scully joins them and Will grins when he sees his mother, gurgling his own version of hello. She sneaks an arm around Mulder’s waist, leaning heavily against him. Her hair is still wet, but she smells great and he leans down, kisses her head.

“If you let me.” He whispers into her hair, closing his eyes.

“Why wouldn’t I, Mulder?”

“I’m not exactly good at this, Scully. If you haven’t noticed.” She leans away from him, picks up William. She straightens the bib, smiles at it, and Mulder just watches the two people who mean the world to him. Scully looks up at him a moment later and hands their son to him.

“Mulder, you bought the wrong diapers. It’s not the end of the world.” She tells him as she puts on a new pair of pajamas.

“Don’t you remember when I tried to do laundry the other day?” He’d rather not think about it.

“So what? Mulder, you were tired. We’ll be tired for a while. We’ll both make mistakes.”

“You won’t.” She chuckles without looking at him.

“Mulder, you’re the only one who can calm William down when he gets into one of his crying fits. Look at him,” they both glance at their son, asleep in Mulder’s arms, “this only happens when you hold him. You might not be good at shopping, but Mulder you’ve never been good at that. I don’t expect you to be anyone else. You’re a wonderful father.”

“I am?”

“Yes,” Scully whispers, stroking the arms that hold William, “you are. I love the bib you bought, Mulder.” Her fingers trace the symbols on the fabric, the smile never leaving her face.

“You know what, Scully?” He waits until she lifts her eyes, looks at him. “I love you to the moon and back, too.”

She grins, gets on tiptoe, and her lips against his, answers his sentiment with a kiss.  

there are a lot of people accusingly asking ‘what are the good Muslims doing about this’. here’s the thing. you don’t see what happens behind the scenes here. There have been many more plots by IS-inspired people disrupted, and many rely on informants or other people in the british muslim community. Like the man arrested at whitehall whose family reported him to the police before that, which is why they managed to stop him before he could hurt anyone. there are also many people running anti-radicalisation initiatives. Dealing with a dispersed threat like terrorism is always more difficult than conventional military threats; the police have to deal with a huge amount of information and it’s challenging to figure out which are credible threats. the fact that someone unfortunately got through doesn’t mean the entire country has its head in the sand or that british muslims have been passively letting this go on. 

these terrorist attacks are a new phenomenon relative to how long the british muslim community has been here. this wasn’t always our image of terrorism. it is not a dramatic clash of civilisations or inherent cultural incompatibility, but a distinctly modern phenomenon spawned by 20th & 21st century geopolitical dynamics and developments. this mentality that it comes down to the inherent nature of islam being inimical to ‘western’ culture completely ignores how this type of extremism can be traced to modern developments. IS may proclaim itself a ‘caliphate’ ostensibly in homage to those of old, but they are distinctly modern in their ideological origins, manipulation of technology and tactics of violence. 

after all, ‘terrorism’ in the united kingdom used to make everyone think ‘IRA’, not IS or Al-Qaeda. and as we saw from the murder of MP Jo Cox, it also comes in the far right nationalist variant. it is definitely the responsibility of all of everyone to be vigilant and report anything suspicious. it’s definitely true IS markets itself as the ‘true’ Islam and tries to recruit disaffected people from the british muslim community. but apart from that? innocent until proven guilty applies. unless we want to throw out our entire system of laws and way of life. there is a problem, but knee-jerk prejudice isn’t going to solve it. precisely when the cooperation and good ties between law enforcement and communities has been very crucial to disrupting past attacks & is exactly what we need now. 

yes, i’ll freely admit i think this way because i live in a very multicultural part of south england & i was born in majority muslim seasia where my family was a minority (they’re christians). maybe people think this attitude is naivete, from being sheltered and ignorant. but you know what? it’s people in the multicultural cities of europe that are themselves at the biggest risk of terrorism in the first place- compared to the more suburban, rural parts of europe that also tend to be more ethnically homogeneous. (IS terrorists don’t check to see that all their targets are only non-muslims do they, when they decide to walk in with a bomb or mow people down?) we live it and we know it. far from being sheltered, it’s often on your mind when you go to a crowded event or step onto public transport- that what if. but we try our best to carry on because we’re not going to change our way of life because of this tiny minority. 

imo, jungkook seems like the type of person who will not be forced to do things. i think there have been a number of instances whereby he has said “no” to being told to do something bc he doesn’t want to do it. 

just take the recent bv behind the scenes as an e.g., jinmin wanted jjj (jin-jimin-jungkook) to play the “throw their shoe as far as possible” game to see who would go into the sea. but jungkook was adamant on not playing it. in fact, i’m not even sure how many times he said “no” to his hyungs regarding it. he just does. not. want.

there was also this bangtan bomb in which jungkook was saying how he knows that fans don’t really like his fashion sense aka baggy pants?

do you guys see? “but i like baggy pants”

i’m not saying he doesn’t care for the fans’ opinions. but it’s more like… he seems like someone who wouldn’t go so far as to please someone. he likes what he likes, he dislikes what he dislikes.

in fact, he has said it himself that he isn’t one to bother about what other people say. and i find to be really important actually.

which brings me to mY NEXT POINT.

this honestly makes all the jikook moments (not saying that other ship moments are not genuine, i’m only talking about jikook bc i am well… a jikook shipper sO) more believable to me. it doesn’t necessarily mean that there aren’t any fanservice involved when it comes to their moments. but i can say that at least 97% of their moments are genuine. 

let me just bring up the fact that jungkook does not like sharing his clothes. bUT WELL HEY, who do we always see him sharing clothes with? [eye emoji]

or how jungkook is always complaining about how slow jimin is and it drives him crazy, but yET [drum rolls] he is always the one who waits for him and ends up walking together with him.

- during bv1, when everyone was waiting for jimin outside the hotel so jk turned around to look for him back in the hotel

- during bv2, when jm and jk were the last 2 to leave the plane together 

- you know what? jUST THE MANY (and i mean m a n y) INSTANCES WHERE WE SEE JK AND JM BEING THE LAST TWO TO WALK TOGETHER (I’m too lazy to screenshot I’m sorry)

- in fact, jimin himself has ever asked the qn during one of the bangtan bombs:

yea jimin…. i wonder why.

(let’s not forget that this goes both ways. the iconic: pjm waited for hours for jjk to finish his shoot)

lastly, how transparent jungkook actually is with his feelings (at least to me, he is a pretty transparent person)

Originally posted by jiminiemini

yea okay.. whats that smile for kook?

Originally posted by spankpjm

^ iconic!!! but never forget how HAPPY he was when jimin entered his room a second time bc he thought jimin wasn’t gonna come back again and was actually disappointed

Originally posted by blvampyre

^another important moment!!! did he really have to back hug jimin and close his eyes in a crowded place full of idols and mind you, they were actually taking a group photo. he should be posing or something but no, that isn’t his priority. his priority was embracing jimin and just… enjoying the moment. even if for just a short while.

also lbr, even if a moment was “fanservice”, does it make the moment any less…important? bc back to my first point - jk wouldn’t do something he doesn’t want/like to do

so if a moment is fanservice, i doubt jk would Do It if he actually doesn’t want to do it. 

like the 21cg choreo. it was found out thru a fansign that both jk & jm choreographed the jikook parts together. see, this is a fanservice moment BUT it is also something that they both mutually discussed it together, that they want to do together.

also back up a little, this does not mean jungkook does not respect other people’s opinion/feelings. he does. i think we have seen many instances, not just with jimin but the other hyungs too, whereby he knows his boundaries and when to stop.

one familiar e.g., when jimin lost his phone during bv1 and they wanted to do a hidden camera but jk was the first to end it and give the phone back to jimin.

honestly…i don’t know what this whole post is for. it’s just word vomit and i guess i just wanted to say how much i love jikook? and how i appreciate every little moment between them. whether it may be big or small.

tl;dr jungkook does What He Wants

(btw, these are all just my opinions and thoughts. not everyone will fully agree with me ^^)

I started thinking about how it must be for Gil, sitting in engineering, knowing Ryder is out there fighting and constantly in danger. No wonder Gil has been known to work on the ship for days at a time without sleeping. He can’t do anything for his boyfriend while he’s out in the field so Gil’s gonna make damn sure the ship and all their equipment will never let him down. 

anonymous asked:

Why is it that even tho Dany clearly has feelings for Jon she seems reluctant to let her walls down and let him get close to her?

All right let me just *cracks knuckles* Okay. This is going to be a long one, so get comfy. 

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