i just wish they actually had a shot but i don't think the writers are that brave

Bernie, we hardly know ye...

I don’t know about you but I spend a vast majority of my time thinking about my favourite fictional characters and Berenice Griselda Wolfe is currently has been for a long time the leading lady of my pondering. I mean there’s SO much we don’t know about her..

{welcome to my thoughts aka I clearly have too much time on my hands and/or I’m just totes obsessed}

  • Why the military? did Bernie follow generations of Wolfe family members into service, or is it a career she’s pursued without any of that influence? 
  • Speaking of family, has she got any siblings, are her parents still alive and what are they all like?
  • What’s Charlotte like? 
  • What was young B-Griz like at school? nerd, sport junkie, popular princess, intense emo who everyone crushed on, class clown?
  • What University did she go to? 
  • Did she do all of her medical training under the military or did she get a degree in medicine, work in hospitals and join the army later in life? 
  • Just with WHOM has she had so many friendships she believes she’s destroyed? are there a list of women who Bernie has gotten really close to over the years which I’m sure she ultimately ran away from because she just wasn’t quite brave enough *sobs for our soft baby*
  • Which brings me to..Keeley, the registrar who was cougaring Cam and had Serena more than a tad jealous if you ask me..was that someone else Bernie felt quite close to? 
  • Is her divorce to Marcus well under way/ near finalised?
  • Did she ever follow up with Alex. Maybe she wrote her a letter or called her to say a proper goodbye, even told her about Serena? 
  • Is she fully healed?!?! girl got blown up and apart from putting her back out hefting a mattress a sly trick to get Serena Campbell’s hands on her she seems like totally okay? 
  • Does she know *sob* is she’ll ever *sob* get to see Serena Campbell again?? Has she heard from her..*sobs*
  • Did she intentionally buy louder shoes because Serena asked her to?
  • After getting together with Serena, did she immediately buy herself some 600 Egyptian thread cotton sheets because a) luxury and b) she just really wants Serena Campbell in her bed and Serena won’t settle for anything less.
  • Where did she buy that bottle of apology plonk? duty free or a Kiev speciality?
  • Does she like Serena’s horribly expensive shirt? 
  • Did she and Serena resort to quadruple shot coffees to get them through their shifts during the ‘shagged to tatters’ phase?
  • Has she met Serena’s friend Sian? and just how awkward was Bernie in the face of Sian being super flirty and teasing at both of their expense..50 shades of scarlett am I right? 
  • Has she ever been to a gay bar/ pride event?
  • Would she win a sprint race against Henrik Hanssen? 
  • Was the dress blue & black..or yellow & white when she looked at it? 

and finally, this one may be a little bit more about Jemma Redgrave but after seeing the fake typing on the computer which gets me EVERYtime..what’s she like in the supermarket when someone is in the way of the product she’s real hungry for..does she pretend to be interested in something else until they walk away like most of us awkward brits ? ? ? 

I think about her way too much. I love her way too much. I wish there were idk a team of writers who could maybe cover some things on the list!?!?! LIKE PLZ WRITE FOR THIS CHARACTER. She’s such a mystery and there’s so much potential and Bernie is our precious bmam and we just wanna know more about her okay? Also Jemma Redgrave is the purest of souls on this earth and I’d actually go into battle for her. 

anonymous asked:

Yuri couldn't skate alone after all ;_;

Ah, but he did. More than he realized. Yuuri is his own worst enemy sometimes, as it’s usually the case with people suffering from anxiety and low self-esteem like he does.

It gets easily lost amidst all the other wonderful things this episode gave us (Yurio’s Free skate, Yurio and Yuuri friendship, Victuuri reunion) but I actually really, really loved Yuuri’s skating scene, I found it very touching (and somehow not sad, I expected to feel very sad but I didn’t). Yuuri is in a bad place in this episode, he is, but he also showed tremendous strength and I felt such a great sense of pride as I watched him.

So Yuuri, our darling Yuuri, is nine episodes into this wonderful journey of self-improvement and he’s still relapsing into a panicky ball of anxiety and low self-esteem. I love that. I’m very grateful that the creators of the show are portraying this so realistically, how gaining confidence, especially for someone like Yuuri, is a slow progress and it will have ups and downs and certain thoughts and feelings won’t go away just like that, they linger and haunt you and torment you.

Yuuri was alone during this episode. I’m reminded of his remark in episode 8 about how he’s not on friendly terms with anyone at the Rostelecom Cup. The writer making Victor leave here was particularly deliberate. Had this been the China Cup, Yuuri would have had a support system in the absence of Victor, but in Russia, Victor was the only thing he had. Yakov is following through with Victor’s request but keeping his distance, not even exchanging a single word with Yuuri during practice. Yurio, the only other character who could have offered some kind of support, is too focused on his own performance (as he should be) to even notice something wrong with Yuuri until it’s too late for him to intervene. So when Yuuri steps on the ice, he is truly alone, for the first time since the series started. He is skating while being very close to having full blown out anxiety attack. We’ve seen this shot before:

Back in episode 3 right before he has to perform at the Hot Springs on Ice competition. Similar feelings are fueling Yuuri on both shots: he’s thinking about the possibility of Victor leaving him, and how much he wants to win to stop it from happening. Yuuri’s first thoughts as he skates is that he doesn’t want people to think the time Victor spent teaching him was wasted. This is similar to episode 7, when Yuuri’s anxiety is at its peak as he doesn’t want to mess up because it would reflect badly on Victor more than on himself.

In episode 3, Victor’s presence grounds him, brings him back from the clutches of his anxiety. In episode 7, the confrontation in the garage allowed Yuuri to let out some of his stress enough that he was feeling relaxed by the time he had to skate. He has no outlets for his anxiety during this episode. He has to consciously make an effort to calm himself down while he skates.

He is struggling with his fears of abandonment, of not being good enough for Victor. He thinks about Victor throughout his performance, yes, but he also thinks of two things I found particularly interesting: one is that he has never before admitted to himself that he wants to win the gold. He never allowed himself to truly want that. Because this is something Yuuri wants for his own benefit and with his lack of self-esteem he just didn’t allow himself to truly want things before Victor came along and actually pushed him to start being more selfish, admit to what he wants and fight for his own desires. The other thing, is that Yuuri remarks that even if Victor was there at that time, skating his free program right then would feel just as tough. I can believe that, considering the sort of things going through his mind at the time. He would have been more focused with Victor’s presence, but his performance would still have been flawed. Yuuri fumbles when he thinks too much.

Yuuri is allowed to feel vulnerable and scared. The whole world gets to watch him unleash something very personal every time he performs, and this time he is utterly without any support system and struggling with very deeply rooted fears. And yet despite all that, Yuuri pulls himself together enough to nail almost all of his jumps in the second half  and give a really great presentation. If Yakov is giving you an approving smile, you know you’re doing something right. Also, just look at the faces of all the other characters watching during the second half. Even the commentator pointed it out - Yuuri was perfectly expressing the love he felt through his skating, and people were honestly entranced with it, even though he fumbled, even though he missed jumps. It was flawed, but so brave. 

Yuuri thinks of himself as mentally weak a lot but I’m forced to disagree with him (and in turn, agree with Victor). Yuuri isn’t weak. What Yuuri did during this episode took a tremendous amount of strength. I don’t think he even realizes it. It was painful, difficult and utterly draining for him, but he made it.

I did expect him to get bronze here, but that was mostly because I thought that was the only way for Phichit to qualify to the top 6 and I knew he would. So Yuuri took fourth. That’s alright. He did very well, considering the circumstances. It will only make his performance at the Grand Prix even more glorious. Can’t wait to see him skate a perfect rendition of Yuri on Ice.

In the end, I think I got what I wanted from this episode. Yuuri did come out stronger from this, mentally. It would have been so easy to make Yuuri self-destruct here, but he managed. He even managed to gather up the courage to express what he wanted to Victor. He wants Victor to stay at his side. Until he retires. Because, classic Yuuri, at this point he is still giving Victor an out, he still believes his time with Victor is a limited gift. That’s why Victor’s words “I wish you would never retire” are so important because it’s a reaffirmation of his feelings, of Yuuri’s own feelings, that they want to stay together beyond the Grand Prix, beyond skating. Yuuri needed to hear that. Victor needed to hear Yuuri say he wanted him to stay. Now they’re even stronger together.

Ultimately, this episode wasn’t about Yuuri needing Victor. He wants Victor there, but he doesn’t need Victor to be present to actually function, not as a skater, not as an individual. It was about Yuuri making the decision that he wants to be with Victor despite everything, finding the strength to express that want towards Victor, and about how distance just made their bond stronger.