i just wanted to see more of them in general i think

The Dozens of Times Eddie Kapbrak Came Home, and the One Time He Didn’t

(A Story in Sonia’s POV)


–There was the one time Eddie came home angry. Slamming doors, cursing under his breath. I was upset at the language, but more worried he’d catch a little finger, or a toe in the cabinets or doors. I asked why and he pushed me away. He had always been doing that lately. Am I being too much of a worrier? Maybe I am. He’s older now, and doesn’t need me as much. As much as that hurts to admit, seventeen is old enough to be independent. 


–He came home crying again. He’d been doing a lot of that, too. Something was different. He came to me for once. I was selfishly happy, but that left me when I saw him. He had a bruise under his left eye. His lip was cut, and his hands were shaking and red, a sign that he’d had a panic attack again. Those signs used to be foreign to me until he told me those weren’t asthma like I had thought for years. I’d like to think of myself as an almost expert on them now. The only thing hard for me to tell anymore is what might cause them. He has them so often. Eddie comes to me, and sits down, panting. He looks worn down and sad and resigned, as if he’s accepted a heavy fate, or like he was waiting for a piano to fall on him. 

This time when I ask him what’s wrong, he crumbles and starts to cry again. He tells me Henry and his psychopath friends cornered him in the locker room, and roughed him up. He shows me his ribs, and I see red. Partly the dried blood, partly rage. That little freak carved the word “Fag” into Eddie’s little side. It takes everything in me not to take him to the hospital, but Eddie insists he cleaned and dressed it as much as it needed, and it wasn’t deep, no stitches needed. I prayed with everything in me that it wouldn’t scar. When I asked him why they would choose that word, he becomes silent again. He seems to be trying to find the right words to say, and eventually he does. He tells me, stuttering more than the elder Denbrough boy, that it’s because they saw him kissing Richard Tozier. I had nothing to say, and he goes to his room before I could find the right words. I did eventually, over dinner. I tried to make a lighthearted joke, and said he could do better than little Richie Tozier, and that I loved him. He did laugh, but he also cried. This time it was the good way. 


–One time he came home excited, his feet barely touching the ground as he ran upstairs. I called out to him to get the door, but he was down just as fast heading out again. His cheeks are pink and his eyes are bright, and I can’t help but to think that just a few months ago this same boy was crying in shame over what had happened. He was a lot happier in general, due in part I suppose to coming out, but mostly Richard. Richie, Richie this, and Richie that. I almost wanted to tell him I was tired of hearing it, but his happiness wasn’t something I could get tired of. Despite being a trouble maker and a bad mouth, he did take care of Eddie. I did tell him to stop coming home with love marks- unsanitary and shameless little things. I tried not to think about the fact that he still probably got them where I couldn’t see them. He may be an adult next month but he’s still my little angel.

He tells me he’s finally going out on a real date, just the two of them. That they’re going to see a movie, and he tells me not to wait up. I know I’ll try to, but he always manages to come home after I fall asleep. Sneaky little boy. He tells me he’s already left the name, address, and number of the movie theatre on the counter, and that he’ll be with Richie who can be reached as well. I have his number in my Rolodex, as I do his parents, and the rest of his friends- you never know when you might need them. He kisses my cheek and practically skips out to the beat up truck Richard drives. It has a bench seat and the driver seatbelt doesn’t work most of the time, and I cringe thinking about Richie just sitting on it so he doesn’t get a ticket for not actually wearing it. Eddie promised me he’d never drive it, so at least there’s that. 


–He came home today, silent. It’s almost worse when he does that instead of crying. Eddie was pale, and he had dark circles under his eyes. I asked if he was okay, and he just stares at me. It feels like an eternity when he opens and says “The school won’t let Richie and I go to prom together… They said if we showed up they’d kick us out.” His voice sounds so fragile and small, like he doesn’t feel like a real person. I’m furious. I tell him I’ll call the school, but he begs me not to. He says it’s okay, he knew it would happen, that this is just the way things are. I, however, will not stand this. As soon as he goes to his room, I call his principle. I can’t remember exactly what I said, though I am equal parts embarrassed and proud to have used foul language in place of his name. “Mr. Shitstain” and I came to an agreement that they may attend as long as they are within a larger group. He will not allow them to have couple’s pictures, but he did reluctantly allow that they dance together. I tell Eddie in the morning and he cries and hugs me. He goes to Richie to give him good news. 


–He comes home after prom with a photo- the whole group is in it, all holding a sign that says “Loser’s Club”. I cringed at the name, but they chose it for themselves years ago. Eddie and Richie are next to each other, and I suppress an eye roll that Richard had ripped open his shirt to reveal an exclamation point painted on his pale abdomen at the last moment. The picture is slightly blurred, and Eddie confirms my theory when he laughs and says the camera guy was startled and tried to lunge at Richard to put all of his clothes back on. Despite this, I see the stars in his eyes. He is happy, so I am happy. 


–Lately he’s been coming home with heaps of papers, college letters, essays, SATs, tests. I try not to think about him leaving. I turn up the volume on the TV or the radio when he uses the phone to talk to his friends about it. It hurts and he knows it hurts. I’ve never been good at not worrying. This goes on for weeks. I fail to keep my tears in when he’s at school or out with friends, but at the same time, I’m immensely proud. He’s such a good boy. 


–This time he comes home, and he doesn’t say a word, and I can’t see him from the kitchen but I know something is wrong. His feet are dragging and his breathing sounds funny. I drop the spoon into the soup when I hear a crash. He’s laying on the floor and crying. Despite him being curled up in a ball I can see he’s covered in bruises and cuts, and bleeding badly. I try not to scream but when I rush to him I can’t hold it, he’s been cut up badly again, more words carved into his soft belly and his thighs. I can see the word “Queer” seeping through his khaki pantleg as he sobs. This time, he does need stitches. In many places. The only thing he says to me from the hospital bed is that he is oh so tired of this town. Richard never leaves his side, growling at anyone who causes him pain or wakes him up, like a wild animal. I’ve decided that I am incredibly grateful that he is who he is. 

He’s in the hospital for three days. Night one was cleaning and stitching and recounting what happened. The police had been called to file a report. He hesitantly confesses that Henry, Patrick, and the other cretins did this to him. Chief Bowers is red with rage. I hear him in the hallway calling my son a “flamer” but that his boy was “going to get it”. This is the first and only time I’ve yelled at a cop. Richie laughs and holds up his hand for a high five, something I wouldn’t usually reciprocate, but tonight is a night of firsts. Night two was observation and tests to see how bad the internal injuries might be. He has a concussion, but they found no internal damage aside from bruises and a cracked rib. They send him home wrapped in Ace bandages and taped up like Richard’s glasses. That night he tells me he needs to leave, that he can’t take this anymore. I’m angry, and admittedly irrational. We do not speak to each other for a week. 


–When we speak again, he walks in the door with Richie, William, and Michael. Out of his friends, Michael is my favorite despite where he lives being so messy. He brings me flowers and fresh fruits and vegetables. He washes them himself, but only once he gets here so I can see it. He’s a very well mannered and intelligent man. William is wonderful too, but I feel guilt in having trouble understanding him, and he has a habit of talking with his mouth full. He’s not as messy as Richard, so at least there is that. Eddie has healed nicely so far, most of the stitches are out already, and the scars he has, though sadly legible, are hidden under clothes. His lip and eyebrow have small scars, but they are hard to notice. The boys have folded boxes in their hands. I knew this was coming, but I still couldn’t bear it. I stubbornly told him I wouldn’t help him, and that I wouldn’t watch him either. He only nods his head, looking down. 

They pack up his belongings, and I step out into the yard, smoking my first cigarette in years. I swiped one from the Marsh girl months ago, when Eddie was starting to talk about college. I thought that was the worst, but this hurts more. He’s leaving too soon, and I can’t stop him. He promised me he’d finish high school, and go to college, but that he would not live here, in Derry. Because we weren’t completely speaking, I have no idea where he’s moving, and now I’m too embarrassed to ask. When I go back inside, William hands me a piece of paper, his handwriting surprisingly neat, with Eddie’s address, and number. He was moving just outside of the city, into the matchbox apartments. With Richard. I can’t help it. When he walks out of the front door with his things, he kisses my cheek. I can’t help it. When the car drives away, their silhouettes in the windshield. I can’t help it. I sit down on the porch, and I begin to cry. I can’t help it. 


–He doesn’t come in the door anymore. Not the way he used to. No angry slams, no excited pops as the door hits the wall. No silent entries when he’s tired. No little footsteps. He doesn’t come home. He visits, sometimes with Richard, and with his friends. He calls frequently, too. He’s a good boy. Time passes, and he came to visit after graduation. He got accepted to a college in Maine. I try to hide how happy that makes me. I promise I won’t go to the dorms too much. He and Richie talk about their lease ending and moving on campus. His little group of friends are trying their best to stick together. They all got accepted to the same school, and will try to attend until their majors take them elsewhere. It’s nice knowing that he’ll have so many friends. 

He doesn’t come home, but he visits. Holidays he even stays in his old room. Sometimes. Other times he stays with William in his new house, just down the street from mine. Sometimes they visit Richie’s parents, or Michael’s farm. It’s a lot like it used to be, but it isn’t the same. I know it never will be, and while I’m sad, I’m happy too. He doesn’t come home, but he gets married in the same church I was married in. They make the paper as the first same sex couple to get married in Derry. Someone booed them as they walked to their car, but before anyone said anything, Richard flipped them off. I don’t tell Eddie, but I caught it on camera. It’s framed in my room, shameful but endearing. He doesn’t come home, but he visits often, asking for advice. We’ll have lunch together and talk about stain removal, and he’s picked up cross stitching for Richard’s anniversary gift. He’s going to make a sign that says “Tozier-Kaspbrak” for their sitting room. 


He doesn’t come home, but he visits often. Many times with Richard, and even more happily with their new daughter. I’ve always wanted a daughter, so I spoil her rotten. I try not to be so overbearing as I was with Eddie. I know it had the wrong impression on him, and I don’t want her to feel the same. I give her sweets when they aren’t looking, and I teach her all about keeping a good home, and let her watch football with me when they need a babysitter. Eddie doesn’t know, but sports are a guilty pleasure of mine. I want her well rounded, too- to know that girls can like whatever they please. Her name is Amelia Isabelle, and she grows so fast. He doesn’t come home anymore, not like he used to. And I’m so, so grateful. He’s leading a good and proud life, and I’ve never been more proud to be the mother of Edward Tozier-Kaspbrak. He doesn’t come anymore, but when he visits, it’s like he never left at all. I’ve lived a good little life, I feel.



“Sonia Kaspbrak, 65, passed in her sleep in her home of Derry, Maine. Natural causes. She leaves her son, son-in-law, and granddaughter. Funeral to be held this Saturday, July 17th at the First Church of Derry. She will be fondly remembered by all who knew her. Everyone is welcome to attend the open service ceremony being held to celebrate her life. 
Thank you, 
Richard Tozier-Kaspbrak”

Plant Care 101: The Basics

It’s kind of hard to give a super basic guide to plant care because plants are super diverse and have varying care requirements BUT there are some things that every plant needs and that you can apply pretty broadly to caring for plants. This is going to be focused on container plants and houseplants more than plants in the ground/garden because that’s a whole other can of worms, but yeah, anyway, here’s some quick tips for beginner plant ownership.

1. LIGHTING - Think about where you’re actually going to put your plants

… before you get them (ideally). All plants need light. No plant will live in a windowless bathroom or basement (I mean unless you have grow lights BUT that’s another story). Very few plants will survive in a dark, dim corner.

Figure out which direction your house faces! Different plants do best in different light exposures.  Afternoon sun (west) is hotter than morning sun (east) and can dehydrate plants faster or cause sunburn. Southern exposures get the most direct sun, and northern exposures get mostly indirect sun or no sun. And obstacles like trees or awnings will potentially block light as well.

Full sun is considered 6+ hours of direct sun, part sun is 2-4 hours of direct sun, and shade is less than two hours of direct sun. Keep in mind the sun intensity will vary depending on your location and the time of year.

A lot of houseplants prefer “bright, indirect light”. In a window that gets hot, direct sunlight like a south or west window, this could mean putting up a sheer curtain or keeping the plants farther away from the window. East windows generally get bright indirect light all year and north windows may not be bright enough for most except the lowest light plants.

Get plants to suit your space! Do some research! If you have trouble identifying the plants that you already have, try google image searching using various details about it. Sometimes that works.

2. POTS AND SOIL - Think about your plant’s house

Your plant’s house is its pot. When you bring it home from the store or nursery, it’s a good idea to replant it. The soil that’s best for keeping the plant alive in the store is usually different than the soil that’s best for it in your house. Especially if you’re getting your plants from stores like Home Depot, Lowes, Wal-mart, etc (it’s gross). Taking a look at a plant’s roots is important! A lot can hide under the surface of the soil…

I can’t really recommend a specific soil brand because everything varies regionally and every plant is going to have different soil needs, so really this is just trial and error. Try out different soils! Experiment with perlite which will make your soil looser and drain better. For succulents, I use a mix of topsoil (not potting soil), sand, and perlite.

You generally want your generic potting soil to A) absorb some moisture but B) drain well. Which may seem contradictory, but it isn’t, I promise.

As for your pot….. DRAINAGE HOLES ARE A MUST. If your pot doesn’t drain, you can put your plant in a plastic insert and remove that to water it, you can attempt to add your own drainage holes, or you can doom your plant to slow and inevitable death. If your pot does have drainage holes, test it first to see if it actually drains.

Increase the size of your plant’s pot only a few inches at a time. Tiny plants in giant pots aren’t ideal, mainly because the soil dries down inconsistently. The soil around the edges may be dry but soil at the roots may still be wet. Also, don’t plant your plants too low! The soil should stop about an inch or so below the top of the pot. Planting too low can cause issues with air circulation to the stem/soil which can cause rot issues. (tbh I’ll probably make a specific post about repotting plants because there are a lot of things to know and a lot of tips and tricks)

As for the type of pot, that’s up to you. Plain terracotta pots are helpful for plants that like to dry down between waterings because they wick moisture from the soil…  not as ideal for plants that love lots of water. Also, there’s no shame in plain, plastic pots. None.

3. WATERING - please don’t drown your thirsty boys

This one’s the hardest to do an overview of because different plants and even the same plants in different locations have vastly different watering needs.

Plants (usually) only take up water when the photosynthesize. Less light = less photosynthesizing = less water taken up. Cloudy day? Less water taken up. In the greenhouse, we generally don’t water on cloudy days because the plants don’t take up as much water and because water sitting on the leaves/soil doesn’t evaporate as quickly potentially leading to rot issues.

You can usually visually tell if the soil is dry. To be more sure that the soil is really dry, poke your finger in about an inch. To be more, more sure, you can wiggle a wooden chopstick in the soil and if it comes out dry, the soil is dry. Some plants prefer to dry down almost completely before watering again, some prefer about 30-50%, some like to stay moist but not drowning.



If your plant appears to be wilting, check the soil. If it’s wet, it may be overwatered or sick. Don’t water for a bit and check the stem/roots for rot. If it’s dry, it’s likely underwatered. Very dry soil can take a few repeat waterings to actually absorb moisture again.



It is better to water deeply infrequently than to water in small amounts more frequently. Your goal when watering is to dump in enough water that it flows vigorously out of the drainage holes. When I first started watering plants I thought it was way too much but seriously, dump that water in there. No trickles allowed.



4. PLANT ISSUES - wtf is wrong with my plant

You’re going to run into plant issues when keeping plants, that’s just how it is. Diseases, bugs, rot, etc.

There are WAY too many issues to get into in a basic post like this, but in general…. pay attention to your plant! Look at the undersides of the leaves and leaf tips and the stem. Take lots of pictures! Touch your plant and the soil! Keep an eye out for changes.

If your plant does develop what you think is an issue, google is your friend. I’ve googled so much of the stuff I know about plants, even when I’m working with very experienced growers. Google is good. Don’t rely solely on one source of info.

And if your plant unfortunately kicks the bucket? No, you don’t have a black thumb. There is no such thing. That’s especially a time to google the shit out of that plant and re-evaluate your growing conditions. I’ve killed LOADS of plants and that was usually because I put a plant in a less than ideal location and then didn’t give it the right care. Or because of bad luck.

There is NO SUCH THING as a black thumb.

I think that’s about it really for the basics. There’s also stuff like pH and humidity and temperature, etc etc to consider but that’s way too much to get into in just one post. Hopefully this makes some kind of sense and isn’t just a wall of text? And is helpful? If you have any other questions, feel free to message me if you’d like. Or add onto this post with other tips if you have them.

Things that frustrate me in the SPN fandom:

Not in any particular order

1) Shipper “wars” (which seem to be declared only by Destiel shippers of a certain ilk…but I could be missing a few others admittedly)

2) Sam-stans who think Dean is always wrong and completely belittle everything about Dean no matter how many times Dean is proven right. Even if you point out to them “Sam is wrong to say X to Dean in this scene” (which is not vilifying Sam or hating on Sam) they immediately make approximately a dozen excuses for why Dean was so out of line that he made Sam treat him like shit. Their arguments just make people dislike Sam (equal and opposite reaction), so it annoys the fuck out of me.

3) Dean-stans who think Sam is abusive. Sam can be a total shit to Dean, and he completely disregards Dean’s intellect and instincts regularly (see 13.02 for most recent example) in favor of portraying Dean as essentially feeling things wrong simply because he disagrees with Sam, but there is no one and nothing on the planet that Sam loves more than he loves Dean, and aside from S4 (my least favorite Sam season) and a pretty well-deserved middle of S9 he has never intentionally hurt Dean. Being dismissive too often is still not abusive. Also, I love that Sam is completely blind to his own flaws in how he treats/relates to Dean because it is so very real. I love Sam for his flaws. Also, sometimes Dean really is the one at fault or who hurt Sam first. Don’t make the Sam-girls hate Dean (see the above), it annoys me.

4) Castiel fans who haven’t apparently been watching the same show as everyone else since his second episode. He’s pretty much universally been an asshole to Dean since S4. It’s not always been intentional, and sometimes it’s even understandable, but he’s still been a total fuck and regularly a betrayer.

5) Lucifer apologists. HE’S FUCKING EVIL! Also, HE LIES! It’s what he does! 

6) Having a conversation with someone and thinking “fuck, haven’t you ever had a literature class and discussed complicated narratives and unreliable narrators” and realizing no, she hasn’t because she’s fucking 15 years old and too young (and possibly too dumb) to have had proper literature courses.

7) People who hate on Jared and Jensen for being normal guys. I love that they are normal guys, hell, it’s what I love most about them.

8) People who hate on Jared and Jensen at all.

9) “Fans” who think that “interpretation” is more important than fact/canon.

10) Stupid people. If your IQ is below 100, please vacate my corner of the universe. We cannot see eye to eye because I can’t lower myself that far. Not even sorry.

11) Shallow people. If you’re only here because Jensen and Jared are gorgeous (which, obviously, they are) I’m not interested.

12) Blind people. If you’re only here because you think Misha is gorgeous…well, enough said. He’s far from ugly, but really?

13) “Fans” who dislike both Winchester brothers and all the brothers’ scenes. What are you even watching - approximately 45 seconds of each episode?

14) People who police others and say “you can’t be in the fandom if you don’t like my favorite”. I’m not saying anywhere in the above you can’t be in the fandom, I’m just saying fuck off out of my corner of it. The two are entirely different things. Even the Destihellers are fine, if they’d just tag their shit with ONLY the ship tags not the general tags so the rest of us don’t have to be exposed to the homophobic bullshit, the rest of us wouldn’t care that they exist.

15) People who go into anti tags of things they love. Why? Do you just want to be upset or are you looking for a fight? 

16) The stans who try to pass off as BiBros. Uhm…no. If you only ever have good things to say about one brother, you’re a stan, or at least a Dean/Sam girl (or guy). Admit it. Stop lying to others and/or yourself.

17) Idiots who think criticizing a character’s actions in a particular scene, episode, or season equals “hate”. Every character on the show has been a jackass at least a few times. Saying that he/she was a jackass in X scene or Y episode is not “hate”. 

18) People who can’t or worse won’t tag properly. 

19) Ageism. This is my fandom, you stupid little teenie, I was here first (trust me, 12 years ago you weren’t even in school yet, let alone a fan of SPN) so it’s really annoying to have you try to claim the fandom from “old people” who are younger than most of the cast (except Alex…he’s young). 

20) The creepy girls who think the cast are actually interested in them, that way. Jensen is nearly 40, Misha is well clear of 40, and Jared is 35 - your age ends in teen. Even if they wanted to step out on their wives, normal men at that age are well past their “teenage girls” phase. There’s a reason people find it skeezy, because it is.

21) Everyone who wants to act like the “bad guys” aren’t bad. Aside from the Darkness/Amara, there is no canon to support this interpretation. 

22) Anyone who says that I can’t be a feminist and not want to watch the Wayward spin-off. Sorry, a show about teenage girls is not that appealing to a woman in her thirties. Wait, no, I’m not sorry. There’s a reason that SPN is the only WB/CW show I’ve ever watched more than one season. 

23) People who use the LGBTQ+ rights campaign to “defend” their bullshit which violates every single tenet of the LGBTQ+ movement. 

Harvey Weinsten sexually Harassed Lupita Nyong’o

Lupita: “I have been following the news and reading the accounts of women coming forward to talk about being assaulted by Harvey Weinstein and others. I had shelved my experience with Harvey far in the recesses of my mind, joining in the conspiracy of silence that has allowed this predator to prowl for so many years. I had felt very much alone when these things happened, and I had blamed myself for a lot of it, quite like many of the other women who have shared their stories.

But now that this is being discussed openly, I have not been able to avoid the memories resurfacing. I have felt sick in the pit of my stomach. I have felt such a flare of rage that the experience I recount below was not a unique incident with me, but rather part of a sinister pattern of behavior.

I met Harvey Weinstein in 2011 at an awards ceremony in Berlin, while I was still a student at the Yale School of Drama. An intermediary introduced him to me as “the most powerful producer in Hollywood.” As an aspiring actress, I was of course eager to meet people in the industry but cautious about strangers, and the intentions of men in general. So I tried to vet this famous producer by asking my dinner-table companions what they knew of him. A woman who was a producer herself cautiously advised me to “keep Harvey in your corner.” She said: “He is a good man to know in the business, but just be careful around him. He can be a bully.” And so I exchanged contacts with him in the hopes that I would be of consideration for one of his projects. I wanted to keep things professional, so I made a point of referring to him as “Mr. Weinstein.” But he insisted that I call him by his first name. In this first encounter, I found him to be very direct and authoritative, but also charming. He didn’t quite put me at ease, but he didn’t alarm me, either.

Not long after we met in Berlin, Harvey wrote to me inviting me to attend a screening of a film — a competitor’s film similar to one he had produced. He said we would be watching it with his family at his home in Westport, Conn., which was not far away from New Haven, where I was living at the time. He would send a car to pick me up. I accepted the invitation.

The driver and I met Harvey in the little town of Westport, where he informed me that we would be having lunch at a restaurant before getting to his home. I did not think much of this. It was a busy restaurant, and as soon as we sat down he ordered a vodka and diet soda for himself. I asked for a juice. Harvey was unimpressed with my choice and told the waiter to bring me a vodka and diet soda instead. I declined and said I wanted the juice. We went back and forth until finally he turned to the waiter and said, “Get her what I tell you to get her. I’m the one paying the bill.” I smiled and remained silent. The waiter left and returned with a vodka and diet soda for me. He placed it on the table beside my water. I drank the water. Harvey told me that I needed to drink the vodka and diet soda. I informed him that I would not.

“Why not?” I remember him asking. “Because I don’t like vodka, and I don’t like diet soda, and I don’t like them together,” I said. “You are going to drink that,” he insisted. I smiled again and said that I wouldn’t. He gave up and called me stubborn. I said, “I know.” And the meal proceeded without much further ado. In this second encounter with Harvey, I found him to be pushy and idiosyncratic more than anything.

We got to his home after lunch and I met his domestic staff and his young children. He took me on a brief tour of the house before he rounded us all up in the screening room to watch the film. He had just produced a similar film of his own, but everyone was raving about this rival version.

I settled in for the film, but about 15 minutes in, Harvey came for me, saying he wanted to show me something. I protested that I wanted to finish the film first, but he insisted I go with him, laying down the law as though I too was one of his children. I did not want another back-and-forth in front of his kids, so I complied and left the room with him. I explained that I really wanted to see the film. He said we’d go back shortly.

Harvey led me into a bedroom — his bedroom — and announced that he wanted to give me a massage. I thought he was joking at first. He was not. For the first time since I met him, I felt unsafe. I panicked a little and thought quickly to offer to give him one instead: It would allow me to be in control physically, to know exactly where his hands were at all times.

Part of our drama school curriculum at Yale included body work, using massage techniques on one another to understand the connection between body, mind and emotion, and so I felt I could rationalize giving him one and keep a semblance of professionalism in spite of the bizarre circumstance. He agreed to this and lay on the bed. I began to massage his back to buy myself time to figure out how to extricate myself from this undesirable situation. Before long he said he wanted to take off his pants. I told him not to do that and informed him that it would make me extremely uncomfortable. He got up anyway to do so and I headed for the door, saying that I was not at all comfortable with that. “If we’re not going to watch the film, I really should head back to school,” I said.

I opened the door and stood by the frame. He put his shirt on and again mentioned how stubborn I was. I agreed with an easy laugh, trying to get myself out of the situation safely. I was after all on his premises, and the members of his household, the potential witnesses, were all (strategically, it seems to me now) in a soundproof room.

Earlier Harvey had sent the driver to the store to buy a boxed collection of “The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency,” an HBO show that he had produced. This was the project he thought I would be right for, he said. (I later found out that the show had not been on the air for some time.) As I prepared to leave his home, he presented it to me. He wanted me to check it out and let him know what I thought. He would be in touch about it. I left for New Haven with his driver.

I didn’t quite know how to process the massage incident. I reasoned that it had been inappropriate and uncalled-for, but not overtly sexual. I was entering into a business where the intimate is often professional and so the lines are blurred. I was in an educational program where I was giving massages to my classmates and colleagues every day. Though the incident with Harvey had made me uncomfortable, I was able to explain and justify it to myself, and shelve it as an awkward moment. His offer to me to be a part of the HBO show was a very attractive one and I was excited about it, especially as I would be graduating in another year. I didn’t know how to proceed without jeopardizing my future. But I knew I would not be accepting any more visits to private spaces with Harvey Weinstein.

I decided to invite Harvey to come to a production I was in at school. Perhaps that way he would really see what I had to offer, and he would see my colleagues, too. He accepted the invitation, but the night of the production, he sent a message saying he had been caught up in New York and would be unable to attend. He would make it up to me. So when I received an official invitation to a staged reading of his new Broadway show, “Finding Neverland,” I was not surprised. I was still debating whether I should accept his invitation, and so I responded saying I was not certain that I could make it because of my school schedule. He responded with exactly the words I needed to hear: Come with whomever you want to come with. And so I invited two of my trusted male friends.

We attended the reading, and afterward Harvey invited us all to a restaurant for dinner with his comrades and collaborators. He sat me next to him, and another actress sat across from me. He had my friends sit at a different table. The talk was shop the whole time and Harvey held court with ease. He was charming and funny once more, and I felt confused about the discomfort I had previously experienced. I looked at the actress who I was informed had just worked with him on a project, searching her face for any sort of indication that she too had been made to feel uncomfortable by this powerful man, but of course I saw nothing. We did not stay very long because we had to catch a train back to New Haven. My friends had been equally charmed by Harvey. He knew when to turn it on if he wanted something. He was definitely a bully, but he could be really charming, which was disarming and confusing. I left feeling that perhaps he had learned my boundaries and was going to respect them.

A couple of months later, I received an email from Harvey, inviting me again to New York for a screening of “W.E.” After the screening, we would have drinks in TriBeCa. I then received a phone call from one of his male assistants to arrange my transportation. Feeling more confident about the new sense of boundaries that we had established in our last meeting, I attended the screening on my own this time. Afterward, as planned, his male assistant arranged for me to get to the Tribeca Grill, where Harvey would be joining us. I met a female assistant when I arrived there. I was expecting that it would be a group of us, as it had been for the reading, but she informed me it would just be Mr. Weinstein. She would sit with me until he arrived. She seemed on edge, but I could only imagine how stressful it was to work for a man who had so much going on.

Harvey arrived and the assistant immediately disappeared. We ordered drinks and starters. Again he was offended by my nonalcoholic beverage choice but he didn’t fight me on it as hard. Before the starters arrived, he announced: “Let’s cut to the chase. I have a private room upstairs where we can have the rest of our meal.” I was stunned. I told him I preferred to eat in the restaurant. He told me not to be so naïve. If I wanted to be an actress, then I had to be willing to do this sort of thing. He said he had dated Famous Actress X and Y and look where that had gotten them.

I was silent for a while before I mustered up the courage to politely decline his offer. “You have no idea what you are passing up,” he said. “With all due respect, I would not be able to sleep at night if I did what you are asking, so I must pass,” I replied.

His whole demeanor changed at that point. “Then I guess we are two ships passing in the night.” I had never heard that saying before, so I remember asking him what it meant. “It means just that,” he said. “We are two ships going in two different directions.”

“Yes, I guess we are.”

“So we are done here,” he said. “You can leave.”

We got up, having not eaten anything, and he led me out of the restaurant. My heart was beating very fast. A cab was hailed for me. I said I would take the subway (I could not afford a cab at the time), but he handed me some money and told me not to be silly, take the cab. Before I got in, I needed to make sure that I had not awakened a beast that would go on to ruin my name and destroy my chances in the business even before I got there.

“I just want to know that we are good,” I said.

“I don’t know about your career, but you’ll be fine,” he said. It felt like both a threat and a reassurance at the same time; of what, I couldn’t be sure.

I did not see Harvey again until September 2013 when I was in Toronto for the premiere of “12 Years a Slave,” the first feature film I was in. At an after-party, he found me and evicted whoever was sitting next to me to sit beside me. He said he couldn’t believe how fast I had gotten to where I was, and that he had treated me so badly in the past. He was ashamed of his actions and he promised to respect me moving forward. I said thank you and left it at that. But I made a quiet promise to myself to never ever work with Harvey Weinstein.

Not long after I won the Academy Award in 2014, I received an offer to play a role in one of the Weinstein Company’s forthcoming films. I knew I would not do it simply because it was the Weinstein Company, but I did not feel comfortable telling this to anybody. I turned down the role, but Harvey would not take no for an answer. While at Cannes, he insisted on meeting with me in person. I agreed to do it only because my agent would be present. In the meeting, he was honest about intending to persuade me to do his movie. I told him I simply did not feel it was a role I needed to play. He said he was open to making it bigger, more significant, maybe they could add a love scene. He said if I did this one for him, he would do another one for me — basically guaranteeing backing a star-vehicle film for me. I ran out of ways of politely saying no and so did my agent. I was so exasperated by the end that I just kept quiet. Harvey finally accepted my position and expressed that he still wanted to work with me at some point. “Thank you, I hope so,” I lied.

And that was the last of my personal encounters with Harvey Weinstein. I share all of this now because I know now what I did not know then. I was part of a growing community of women who were secretly dealing with harassment by Harvey Weinstein. But I also did not know that there was a world in which anybody would care about my experience with him. You see, I was entering into a community that Harvey Weinstein had been in, and even shaped, long before I got there. He was one of the first people I met in the industry, and he told me, “This is the way it is.” And wherever I looked, everyone seemed to be bracing themselves and dealing with him, unchallenged. I did not know that things could change. I did not know that anybody wanted things to change. So my survival plan was to avoid Harvey and men like him at all costs, and I did not know that I had allies in this.

Fortunately for me, I have not dealt with any such incidents in the business since. And I think it is because all the projects I have been a part of have had women in positions of power, along with men who are feminists in their own right who have not abused their power. What I am most interested in now is combating the shame we go through that keeps us isolated and allows for harm to continue to be done. I wish I had known that there were women in the business I could have talked to. I wish I had known that there were ears to hear me. That justice could be served. There is clearly power in numbers. I thank the women who have spoken up and given me the strength to revisit this unfortunate moment in my past.

Our business is complicated because intimacy is part and parcel of our profession; as actors we are paid to do very intimate things in public. That’s why someone can have the audacity to invite you to their home or hotel and you show up. Precisely because of this we must stay vigilant and ensure that the professional intimacy is not abused. I hope we are in a pivotal moment where a sisterhood — and brotherhood of allies — is being formed in our industry. I hope we can form a community where a woman can speak up about abuse and not suffer another abuse by not being believed and instead being ridiculed. That’s why we don’t speak up — for fear of suffering twice, and for fear of being labeled and characterized by our moment of powerlessness. Though we may have endured powerlessness at the hands of Harvey Weinstein, by speaking up, speaking out and speaking together, we regain that power. And we hopefully ensure that this kind of rampant predatory behavior as an accepted feature of our industry dies here and now.

Now that we are speaking, let us never shut up about this kind of thing. I speak up to make certain that this is not the kind of misconduct that deserves a second chance. I speak up to contribute to the end of the conspiracy of silence.”


I’m so happy Lupita shared her story and I have so much more respect for her and commend her for sticking by her morals. It’s disgusting that Harvey would even try something with her while his kids were in the other room, what a sick bastard

WKM - What happened?

I’m going to cover all of this mess in this post. It’s just what I think could be the truly amazing story behind this amazing video series. 

There are LOTS of questions in my own head and I’m gonna try answering (hopefully) most of them! Here we go!

WHO KILLED HIM NOW?

The biggest question raised is, obviously, who killed Markiplier? From what we could gather throughout the series, demons are likely to exist in this scenario.

Even the newspaper gives a hint that the mayor might have been a “demon in disguise”. So there are spiritual, supernatural things happening here. I, for one, can not answer the biggest question out of all, how he died and who he was killed by. I can only make one assumption; here’s my theory.

We know that Mark’s body went missing at some point. Where exactly is never shown or hinted at, but I have a likely theory that Mark himself was the one to hide his own body in form of his spirit. Or just, behind all that was happening in general. However, what we do know is that Mark, I quote (Damien): “(He) trapped us here in this broken shell and we had no way out.” 

It seems established that, during the time we were outside to talk to the gardener, Damien and Celine tried to reach out to Mark(’s ghost), hence she wanted to “talk to the dead”. During that time, Mark took the chance to inhabit Damien’s body and trap him inside his own, dead shell that could not be used anymore. Whilst doing so he either accidentally killed Celine by possessing her first, her not being able to hold the soul inside her body, OR Celine did not die and let Damien inside her body to save him from being thrown into the corpse, which would explain why she was red and blue in the end sequence of Chapter 3. She also appears to be having two pairs of eyes above her head at one point. Possibly a hint that she’s two in one at that point?

Either way, we know that Damien represents BLUE and Celine represents RED thanks to the ending of Chapter 4:

Which is why it could very well be that She kept Damien’s soul inside her body for a short while to save his life. And of course Damien was PISSED after that, betrayed by whom he cared for, who he fought Will for and whom he thought was a good, a childhood friend he could trust. That’s for the angry step towards us, the angry stare. He looks at us, knowingly. He chooses his victim that very moment.

We are told to run. The door closes and Celine does not come out. Her shell possibly broke and both souls were set free without a shell, or she kept it up and waited for the right moment to talk to us. 

The right moment being the time Will shot us.

And here is the thing; We did NOT die. If you listen closely, you can hear a faint heartbeat in the background during this very scene. They both tell you to believe them, tell you stories to make you feel sorry for them. Which, of course, you do. Damien seems pissed and loses his temper once more, like he did with the Colonel before, and shouts angrily that Mark walks around in his body. Which is why I think that part is true. He couldn’t take his anger in. He can’t, he has a low temper, that’s just it.

But Celine reminds him that he “can’t do this right now”. Reminds us to believe them. What you’re told is that Mark trapped both of them inside his old, dead body and that they brought you there so you have a chance to survive. Damien tells you that you can’t survive on your own and Celine says she can bring you back the same way she brought you there. But what Damien says afterwards is the most important clue.

He says: “But you can’t survive on your own. You’re .. dead, after all. (…) I know this all sounds crazy. Honestly, I don’t know what the fuck is going on. But I know that I trust Celine. And if you trust us … let me in. We can fix this.”

Gathered: Damien lies to you after all this time of actually being genuine. He was betrayed by Mark, knows that you trust him, wants revenge and is angry. He lures you into a false sense of security, tells you you can fix this together. He makes you feel like a friend by telling you that he feels the same way about all of this. And then, he mentions that oh so beloved trust of his. That one thing he completely lost thanks to Mark. 

Also important to note; It is ONLY DAMIEN that inhabits your body after all of this. Why is that?
Celine states that she can send “you” back, not “us”. She says “you” have a choice. And Damien ends his sentence with “let me in.” Not let us in.

You trust Damien and he tells you that it will work, he promises.

And it does work! You wake up in your own body, get up, meet the Colonel who is completely out of it by now.

He does not recognize us as a “Dark” or “Damien” because we don’t look like Damien yet and Dark doesn’t exist yet either. Damien, at this point, is inside our body and trying to take over. 

We listen to what Will says and see him, in desperation and utter confusion, try to find his dear friends he lost.

Once he’s away, only THEN do we walk over to the mirror. And here is where it gets interesting.

We take Damien’s cane: Take a look at the hands.

A thin, female and young looking hand (possibly Amy wee i love her), but then something happens.

The hand changes, transforms into a different one. Into a hand similar to Damien’s. Because Damien is inhabiting your body by himself. Celine is likely still in Mark’s body or, as I mentioned earlier, never died to begin with. It’s Damien who was so fed up, he had to use you to get what he wants. And he gets it alright:

A body. A shell to use as a puppet. He transformed your body into a copy of his own. Mark likely still uses actual Damien’s body, but Damien had to make you look like him to finish this with you. 

Then this happens.

And sad music plays in the background all throughout this scene and it broke my heart - but why did it break my heart? Because that right there is a representation of broken trust, my friends. Damien threw us out of the body he stole from us and trapped us either behind our screens or in that mirror (hence the weird noise light inside the crack). He used us. He manipulated us. We were his first victim.

And he feels bad about it at first. Note how Dark’s look changes after he throws us out? Because now we can see what he truly is; a broken man. He had so much trust in Mark, in us. He was a genuine, good and kind hearted man. He neglected his other friends for Mark only to then find himself betrayed by Mark or whatever he had unleashed that day. He is troubled, his emotions are a whirlwind and all the while he has to keep his anger inside. After all, Damien has a short and low temper. Guilty about what happened, he looks up at you.

Reminds himself that he has a goal now; take revenge. Looks at you now with almost disgust to make you feel even worse. This is a reflection of his own emotions that very moment. We are supposed to feel exactly what Damien felt. Betrayal, fear, loneliness. An end. The mirror itself is a genius metaphor for this.

He then leaves us. Clearly guided by rage and hatred and you can FEEL that, I get goosebumps just thinking about this. (@markiplier frickin amazing acting, dude!) Anyway, here he makes up his mind to take back control over what is rightfully his. Mark; his own body.

We are then left in darkness, questioning and clueless, sad and quite literally broken. 

Dark’s origin, ladies and gentlemen.

(just my take on this. It’s probably, like, super wrong lmao also sorry for the long post ilyall)

10

James, a deeply feeling man who began his working life as an auxiliary psychiatric nurse, shakes his head.

Many of the younger people who present at gender clinics have a history of mental health issues such as self-harming, social anxiety, eating disorders and so on. They see transitioning as their panacea.’

In addition, James says that the proportion of people attending gender clinics who are on the autistic spectrum is approximately six times higher than the general population.

‘The activist line is, 'Oh that’s because they’re trans so if they weren’t discriminated against and could just be themselves and transition they wouldn’t have mental health issues.’ That’s far too simplistic. I wanted to try to find the truth.’

In November 2015, James submitted his first proposed Masters Research title, 'An examination of the experiences of people who have undergone reverse gender reassignment surgery’, which was accepted.

'I had some people contacting me who said, 'Yes we’ve reversed our gender reassignment, but we’re so traumatised we don’t want to talk about it.’ It made me realise how very important the research is.

'Then a group of young women in the U.S. contacted me. They’d transitioned from female to male, had double mastectomies, then re-transitioned back to female.

'They’d stopped the hormone treatment that had been suppressing their menstrual cycles, but didn’t want reconstructive surgery to rebuild their breasts.

'I wanted to include them in my research, particularly as some of the women said they thought their original decision to transition to male had come from social and political pressure, not for psychological reasons.’

He submitted a revised title in October 2016: 'An examination of the experience of people who have undergone Gender Reassignment Procedure and/or have reversed a gender transition.’

James accepted the research might not be 'politically correct’, but felt it was important.

The next month the university rejected his proposal on the basis that 'the posting of unpleasant material on blogs or social media may be detrimental to the reputation of the University’.

'All I wanted to do with my research was listen to what people were saying and report it,’ James says.

'Society is changing so rapidly that a lot of people feel uncertain of their place in it and they’re looking for something. The fact is, the idea of trans identities is now being brought into the classroom and is all over the internet.

'I really think it’s good people who have transitioned have rights and they’re legally recognised in their gender. People fought for years for that and it’s very important.

'Some people need to transition and benefit from it. It’s a complex field, which is why we need to be able to have a healthy discussion about it and not feel afraid to do so.

This has all become a kind of Kafkaesque weird tangle. Somebody needs to call it out.’


Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4979498/James-Caspian-attacked-transgender-children-comments.html#ixzz4vXKDo9Xz

me being (very) brutally honest with the signs

Aries- You’re such a goddamn hothead all the goddamn time. Not everyone likes to be constantly doing something every second of every day. You get angry with people for the smallest and most trivial reasons but god forbid someone take a dig at you. You’re such a hypocrite and it’s annoying as fuck. You act like an edgy teenager that’s constantly throwing a tantrum. You also boss people around and expect everyone to just follow your lead and if they don’t, you get pissed at them for having a mind of their own. You seriously need to take a look at your life and stop seeing everything as a fucking challenge that’s rigged against you. My god, I get tired just being in your presence. 

Taurus- You’re a lazy fuck and way too materialistic and possessive. You literally have no desire to do anything because you love to sit on your ass. You take “treat yourself” to a whole new level and not in a healthy way whatsoever. It seems like every chance you get you cause arguments and then you contradict whatever the other person is saying just because you can’t look at anything from a different point of view. Even if you get to the point where you realize you’re in the wrong and the other person is right, you’ll just continue to argue for the sake of arguing and god forbid your ego take even the slightest blow. It’s irritating as shit like you really think you know best when in reality you’re just a stubborn bitch. What a bore.

Gemini- Look, I know you guys get a lot of flak. But take this into consideration…… it’s because most if not all of it is FUCKING TRUE. You have so many different personalities I don’t know which one is even real. You gossip 24/7 and flip-flop between who you talk to and who you talk about. You’re completely unreliable and unpredictable and also clingy as fuck. Seriously, I feel like I can’t get away from you. I just want to go to the bathroom, I don’t need to hear the story right now about how Sarah said that Dylan said that Kimberly found a sock in the dryer that wasn’t hers. Literally no one cares. Another thing that you do is once you get tired of someone, you just throw them away like garbage. (Also Trump is a gemini, and I know you guys can’t control that but like come on. Of course he’s a gemini.)

Cancer- You really need to stop being so whiny or I’m actually going to lose it. Everyone has problems so stop acting like such a victim all the goddamn time. You’re so moody all the time and you act like a small child that needs to have their diaper changed. You also cling onto people as soon as you meet them and cry if someone doesn’t answer your text within 5 fucking minutes. Don’t you have your own life to live? Oh wait, I forgot you spend every second in a dark room and refuse to come outside unless it’s to answer the door because you ordered shitty takeout. You consider changing your clothes adventurous and honestly it’s so boring. Introverted doesn’t even describe you, you’re more like a complete hermit (CRAB. HA!)

Leo- Hey leo, wow, are you actually reading this? I’m kind of shocked because I never thought you’d ever stop looking at yourself in the mirror. Seriously, you’re probably the most vain sign out of all of us. So much so that if someone criticizes you in even the smallest way, you get so offended and act like you’ve been shot in the chest. You think so highly of yourself, and while it’s great to have confidence, you take it to the next level, which is extreme arrogance. You love to have the conversation focused around you. You’re the type of friend that if someone is telling you about their problem or just their day in general, you’ll interrupt them and start talking about yourself and it’s DAMN ANNOYING. How do you still have friends?

Virgo- I’m gonna tell you right now, you’re not as perfect as you think you are. You’re so quick to critique other people that you write them off as not good enough before even getting to know them. You’re the type of person that would tell their friend that they were breathing too loudly. For fucks sake, you’re such an over analyzing pedant it makes me want to slap you in the face with my fucking asymmetrical hand. Your pessimism is damn near blinding, I probably wouldn’t want to hang around you for more than 10 minutes or you’d make me feel self conscious about how I fucking walk or some shit. You can’t take or make a joke. You’re skeptical about everything and you’re completely inflexible. You like to think of yourself as an intellectual but really you’re stuck up, narrow minded and someone I constantly find myself rolling my eyes at.

Libra- You are manipulative as shit. You’ll tell someone they look good without even looking up from your phone. You lie all the time and don’t really give a fuck if you hurt other people’s feelings because you really only look out for yourself. You’re also a huge fucking coward. When your friends need you to have their back and actually be there for them, you run and hide and say, “Oh sorry I just didn’t want to get involved!”. What a lame fucking excuse for ditching your friend in their time of need. You’re also extremely indecisive to the point where it’ll take you 3 hours just to choose where you want to go eat. It’s tiring as fuck. Just MAKE A CHOICE FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE. Have your own fucking opinion. You’re like a goddamn sheep.

Scorpio- Why the FUCK are you so aggressive for no fucking reason? You manipulate people just for the fun of it. You get jealous so easily and usually you don’t even have a reason to be jealous. You just are. It’s pathetic. You like to think that you’re so cool and mysterious but in reality people just see you as a moody and brooding asshole that no one really wants to bother getting to know. I mean, why would they? What’s the point? Every time someone even tries to get close to you, you completely brush them off and act like you don’t care about them because keeping your “mystifying” aura is soo important to you. And if you do let someone in, you treat them like they’re your possession and it’s creepy as hell. You obsess over them and you want to control them. God forbid they hang out with someone that isn’t you and then you resent them for no goddamn reason other than having a life of their own. Do me a favor scorpio and don’t talk to me.

Sagittarius- Honestly if a sag is reading this, you’re just straight up getting a taste of your own medicine. You’re tactless as shit and it makes me not want to be around you, ever. You’re inconsiderate of others and impatient with everyone. If someone isn’t moving up to your standards you will become agitated and aggressive and then you take it out on the person. You constantly need to be doing something else because your attention span lasts about 2 fucking seconds. You act like an 8 year old. You’re also really superficial. You don’t bother getting to know the deeper layers of a person because, like I said, you’re impatient and also just plain lazy. You take people for granted and are careless when handling the feelings of people closest to you. You’re also a really self-obsessed know-it-all. Go climb a fucking tree, sag.

Capricorn- Four words. Lighten. The fuck. Up. You are by far the most power-hungry of all the signs. You take everything so completely seriously that I don’t even know if you understand what “fun” even is. You always have to have two feet on the ground at all times and you can never ever be spontaneous and it’s so fucking dull. You’re conservative and disdainful nature can be so overbearing at times that even your friends need to get away from you. That is, if you have friends. You’re a complete pessimist so who knows if anyone can actually tolerate that. You constantly have to be the most successful person in a room, and you make sure you reach this level of success through abusive and controlling behavior towards the people around you. Your selfishness grosses me out.

Aquarius- I asked you what time it was. I didn’t ask you if I was afraid of time passing or the fact that it’s a manmade construct. For fucks sake, just shut the fuck up about this deep shit for once. I don’t want to contemplate how large the universe really is at fuckin 8:30 am on a Monday. You’re rebellious even when it doesn’t matter and honestly all it does is piss people off. You’re constantly trying to deviate from the norm that you make the same fucking mistakes that other people already made, but you don’t fucking learn from other people’s mistakes because you always have to go your own way. Maybe listen to other people for once? You’re the most detached sign out of all of them and you hurt people by acting aloof all the fucking time but you don’t care because you chalk it up to “this is who I am!!! I need my freedom!!!!”. You need to actually think about how your actions affect people you care about because if you don’t, you’re REALLY gonna end up alone and you won’t be able to do a damn thing about it. 

Pisces- You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself all the time and get it through your head that you’re not always the damn victim. You don’t take responsibility for your actions and you always find a way to blame it on someone else because you’re NEVER in the wrong, are you? Poor little pisces. You’re not as innocent as you want everyone to believe. You’re constantly daydreaming and it becomes really annoying when I’m trying to talk to you and you just completely zone out because you love living in your little imaginary world. You’re the WORST at solving your own problems and conflicts because instead of dealing with them you just avoid it all together and end up leaving the mess for someone else to clean up. You’re really nosy- you love to get in other people’s business. But you don’t go to the person directly, you have to be sneaky about it and gather rumors from other people. You’re also very over-sensitive. Out of all the signs, you’re by far the most likely to respond to this post saying how this isn’t true and that I’m just a “big fat meany!!!” and then add a bunch of angry/crying emojis.


(disclaimer: Don’t worry, I don’t really hate your sign (unless you’re a  * * * * * * … lmao). This was just for fun and I know it’s harsh. Don’t take it too personally. You’re an individual and ultimately you determine who you really are. Except for you, * * * * * * . Fuck you.) 

The Dos and Don’ts of Beginning a Novel:  An Illustrated Guide

I’ve had a lot of asks lately for how to begin a book (or how not to), so here’s a post on my general rules of thumb for story openers and first chapters!  

Please note, these are incredibly broad generalizations;  if you think an opener is right for you, and your beta readers like it, there’s a good chance it’s A-OK.  When it comes to writing, one size does not fit all.  (Also note that this is for serious writers who are interested in improving their craft and/or professional publication, so kindly refrain from the obligatory handful of comments saying “umm, screw this, write however you want!!”)

So without further ado, let’s jump into it!

Don’t: 

1.  Open with a dream. 

“Just when Mary Sue was sure she’d disappear down the gullet of the monstrous, winged pig, she woke up bathed in sweat in her own bedroom.”

What?  So that entire winged pig confrontation took place in a dream and amounts to nothing?  I feel so cheated! 

Okay, not too many people open their novels with monstrous swine, but you get the idea:  false openings of any kind tend to make the reader feel as though you’ve wasted their time, and don’t usually jump into more meaty action of the story quickly enough.  It makes your opening feel lethargic and can leave your audience yawning.

Speaking of… 

2.  Open with a character waking up.  

This feels familiar to most of us, but unless your character is waking up to a zombie attack or an alien invasion, it’s generally a pretty easy recipe to get your story to drag.

No one picks a book to hear how your character brushes their teeth in the morning or what they’d like to have for dinner.  As a general rule of thumb, we read to explore things we wouldn’t otherwise get to experience.  And cussing out the alarm clock is not one of them.  

Granted, there are exceptions if your writing is exceptionally engaging, but in most cases it just sets a slow pace that will bore you and your reader to death and probably cause you to lose interest in your book within the first ten pages.  

3.  Bombard with exposition.  

Literary characters aren’t DeviantArt OCs.  And the best way to convey a character is not, in my experience, to devote the first ten pages to describing their physical appearance, personality, and backstory.  Develop your characters, and make sure their fully fleshed out – my tips on how to do so here – but you don’t need to dump all that on the reader before they have any reason to care about them.  Let the reader get to know the character gradually, learn about them, and fall in love with them as they would a person:  a little bit at a time.   

This is iffy when world building is involved, but even then it works best when the delivery feels organic and in tune with the book’s overall tone.  Think the opening of the Hobbit or Good Omens.

4.  Take yourself too seriously.

Your opener (and your novel in general) doesn’t need to be intellectually pretentious, nor is intellectual pretense the hallmark of good literature.  Good literature is, generally speaking, engaging, well-written, and enjoyable.  That’s it.  

So don’t concern yourself with creating a poetic masterpiece of an opening line/first chapter.  Just make one that’s – you guessed it – engaging, well-written, and enjoyable. 

5.  Be unintentionally hilarious.

Utilizing humor in your opening line is awesome, but check yourself to make sure your readers aren’t laughing for all the wrong reasons (this is another reason why betas are important.)  

These examples of the worst opening lines in published literature will show you what I mean – and possibly serve as a pleasant confidence booster as well: 

“As the dark and mysterious stranger approached, Angela bit her lip anxiously, hoping with every nerve, cell, and fiber of her being that this would be the one man who would understand – who would take her away from all this – and who would not just squeeze her boob and make a loud honking noise, as all the others had.”

– Ali Kawashima

“She sipped her latte gracefully, unaware of the milk foam droplets building on her mustache, which was not the peachy-fine baby fuzz that Nordic girls might have, but a really dense, dark, hirsute lip-lining row of fur common to southern Mediterranean ladies nearing menopause, and winked at the obviously charmed Spaniard at the next table.”

– Jeanne Villa

“As I gardened, gazing towards the autumnal sky, I longed to run my finger through the trail of mucus left by a single speckled slug – innocuously thrusting past my rhododendrons – and in feeling that warm slime, be swept back to planet Alderon, back into the tentacles of the alien who loved me.”

– Mary E. Patrick

“Before they met, his heart was a frozen block of ice, scarred by the skate blades of broken relationships, then she came along and like a beautiful Zamboni flooded his heart with warmth, scraped away the ugly slushy bits, and dumped them in the empty parking lot of his soul.”

– Howie McClennon

If these can get published, so can you.

Do:

1.  You know that one really interesting scene you’re itching to write?  Start with that.

Momentum is an important thing in storytelling.  If you set a fast, infectious beat, you and your reader will be itching to dance along with it.  

Similarly, slow, drowsy openers tend to lead to slow, drowsy stories that will put you both to sleep.

I see a lot of posts joking about “that awkward moment when you sit down to write but don’t know how to get to that one scene you actually wanted to write about.”  Write that scene!  If it’s at all possible, start off with it.  If not, there are still ways you can build your story around the scenes you actually want to write.

Keep in mind:  if you’re bored, your reader will almost certainly be bored as well.  So write what you want to write.  Write what makes you excited.  Don’t hold off until later, when it “really gets good.”  Odds are, the reader will not wait around that long, and you’re way more likely to become disillusioned with your story and quit.  If a scene is dragging, cut it out.  Burn bridges, find a way around.  Live, dammit. 

2.  Engage the reader.

There are several ways to go about this.  You can use wit and levity, you can present a question, and you can immerse the reader into the world you’ve created.  Just remember to do so with subtlety, and don’t try too hard;  believe me, it shows.  

Here are some of my personal favorite examples of engaging opening lines: 

“In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." 

– Douglas Adams, the Restaurant at the End of the Universe.

"It was the day my grandmother exploded.”

– Iain Banks, Crow Road.

“A white Pomeranian named Fluffy flew out of the a fifth-floor window in Panna, which was a grand-new building with the painter’s scaffolding still around it. Fluffy screamed.”

– Vikram Chandra, Sacred Games.

See what I’m saying?  They pull you in and do not let go.

3.  Introduce us to a main character (but do it right.)

“Shadow had done three years in prison. He was big enough and looked don’t-fuck-with-me enough that his biggest problem was killing time. So he kept himself in shape, and taught himself coin tricks, and thought a lot about how much he loved his wife.”

– Neil Gaiman, American Gods.

This is one of my favorite literary openings of all time, because right off the bat we know almost everything we need to know about Shadow’s character (i.e. that he’s rugged, pragmatic, and loving.)   

Also note that it doesn’t tell us everything about Shadow:  it presents questions that make us want to read more.  How did Shadow get into prison?  When will he get out?  Will he reunite with his wife?  There’s also more details about Shadow slowly sprinkled in throughout the book, about his past, personality, and physical appearance.  This makes him feel more real and rounded as a character, and doesn’t pull the reader out of the story.

Obviously, I’m not saying you should rip off American Gods.  You don’t even need to include a hooker eating a guy with her cooch if you don’t want to.  

But this, and other successful openers, will give you just enough information about the main character to get the story started;  rarely any good comes from infodumping, and allowing your reader to get to know your character gradually will make them feel more real.   

4.  Learn from the greats.

My list of my favorite opening lines (and why I love them) is right here.

5.  Keep moving.  

The toughest part of being a writer is that it’s a rare and glorious occasion when you’re actually satisfied with something you write.  And to add another layer of complication, what you like best probably won’t be what your readers will like best. 

If you refuse to keep moving until you have the perfect first chapter, you will never write anything beyond your first chapter.  

Set a plan, and stick to it:  having a daily/weekly word or page goal can be extremely helpful, especially when you’re starting out.  Plotting is a lifesaver (some of my favorite posts on how to do so here, here, and here.)

Keep writing, keep moving, and rewrite later.  If you stay in one place for too long, you’ll never keep going. 

Best of luck, and happy writing.  <3

Why I Quit German

WARNINGS: This story is really gross and/or horrifying but also hilarious imho.  Your health always comes first, so mind the tags:  Violence, Cannibalism Mention, Suicidal Ideation, Feces, Sleep Deprivation, Airplanes, I generally had a really bad time but now it’s hysterical.  Most of the story is under the cut because it’s eight miles long.


In August of 2009 I flew back to Honolulu to do my sophomore year of college with the intention of entering 400-level german. What happened instead is the closest I’ve ever come to personally dying or actually murdering someone.

The problem started the day before my flight, when I attended a birthday party for a very dear cousin in Denver, and due to be in 1 of 2 adults present, ended up driving a bunch of teenagers home and didn’t get home until 12:30 that night.  Oh well, my flight’s at 6AM anyway, I’ll just stay up. I can sleep on the plane, I thought, like a complete fucking fool.

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stuck on you. (m) | 01

“I want you to take my virginity.”
“What the fuck did you just ask me, Kim Taehyung?”

or, alternatively:

you’re not actually supposed to take your bestfriend’s virginity when he asks, right?

pairing: kim taehyung x reader 
genre: attempt at crack, eventual smut, college au
warnings: sexual jokes (like a cringe-worthy amount)
words: 9,582k
part: 01/03

out of context quote:
[9:52 am] Taehyung:  ___\o/___ me drowning in ur pussy lol 




“I want you to take my virginity.”



You’ve just taken a gulp of your pulp-included orange juice when Taehyung says this. He’s sitting across from you in the cafeteria of the University you both attend - have attended for the past two years.



His brown coffee coated eyes are staring directly into yours - a serious expression written across his features that tells you what he’s just spoken was said in nothing but pure seriousness.



And he says it so nonchalantly - so earnestly, that you do the only thing you can think of.



A perfectly reasonable reaction after hearing that your best friend, the boy you’ve been in love with for over two years - wants you to take his virginity.



You spit your orange juice out all over him.


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When did Lucy fall in love with Natsu?

There’s been so many essay-like posts around tumblr talking about when and where Natsu first realised he was in love with Lucy, but I’ve never actually seen any regarding when Lucy’s feelings started. So I thought I’d share my own opinionated theory!

I feel as though Lucy’s feelings for Natsu took a lot longer for her to realise than Natsu’s, so let’s start from the beginning:

Episodes 1-50:

At this point, the story as well as Natsu and Lucy’s relationship is very much in the starting stages; there simply isn’t a whole lot to it. Neither of them have even considered a relationship, especially not with each other. Lucy may have her “knight in shining armour” fantasies, (as we see in ending 1 of the anime), but that is the most we get.

Episode 50:

Episode 50 is where things start to get more interesting.

After the hilarious scenario of Lucy believing Natsu has a crush on her because of Mira’s meddling, she has now become self aware of the fact people mistake her and Natsu as a couple. Because of this, she starts to picture it in her mind and perhaps imagine what it would be like if they were in a relationship.

Again, though, this is still very early stages in their development, so she will continue to deny any sort of feelings for Natsu.

Episode 122:

The Tenrou Island arc in general was a huge step for NaLu’s relationship, especially on Natsu’s part as that was when (as many of us have speculated) he first realised he was in love with Lucy. Sadly, though, Lucy is nowhere near the love stage at this point.

During Acnologia’s attack in episode 122, Lucy is crying because she thinks it’s all over. Naturally Natsu overhears this, and of course the first thing he does is reassure her that it isn’t the end.

Now, I think the look Lucy gives Natsu after saying this is really significant:

This isn’t a look of love or anything, as I said earlier we’re still far from Lucy being in love with Natsu. Rather, this is her beginning to toy with the idea of liking Natsu. In this moment she cannot confidently say “I like Natsu”, but she is far more aware of it, and knows deep down that there is a slight possibility it could happen. However, at this stage she will still continue to deny any feelings for him.

Episode 123-End of Tartaros Arc

I know this is a really big time jump, but the end of Tartaros is where things start to pick up. Throughout this time, Natsu and Lucy’s characters and relationship develops immensely. I’m not going to dish out every example otherwise we’d be here for weeks, but it’s safe to say Lucy’s feelings have begun to develop, although she is still on the fence of “Do I like him” or “Is he just a friend”.

Chapter 468:

I’m going to skip the beginning of the Alvarez arc, because I know we’ve all heard the theories and opinions on Lucy’s angst a million times, and although their relationship does develop, it’s not enough for me to talk about. After all, a lot of those chapters illustrated Natsu’s feelings more than Lucy’s.

Chapter 468 is when Lucy’s feelings take a huge step forward. For those unaware, Natsu had gone off on his own, (with Happy), to try and defeat Zeref, and Lucy has basically spent most of her time worrying about him.

A few chapters later, (Chapter 468), Happy returns to the guild, but Natsu is unconscious, and Lucy’s face says it all:

Then she realises that Natsu’s heart isn’t beating:

And begs Brandish to save him:

Natsu being faced with death is the last thing Lucy would expect from a war. After all, he’s one of the strongest wizards she knows. So for him to be lying there in front of her, unconscious and his heart not beating, Lucy is absolutely terrified.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is the point where Lucy realises that she likes Natsu, because she cannot picture a world without him in it. After over a year of contemplation, she has finally reached the conclusion that she likes her best friend, meaning she would gladly consider a relationship with him, if it weren’t for the current circumstances, of course.

She isn’t in love with him yet, she simply wouldn’t mind the idea of a relationship. Of course she will still deny her feelings because she doesn’t want people to know, after all she’s only just figured it out herself, however you will notice she is definitely less upfront about it:

Of course she gets flustered and blushes over it, however she doesn’t explicitly deny it. Now, this could just be a translation error, I don’t have access to official translations, so please don’t quote me on it, but in this frame she’s simply saying that wasn’t what she meant, not that she isn’t, (as quoted by Ever), “head over heels for him”. See, she isn’t denying that she likes him, but she isn’t exactly singing on the rooftops that she has feelings for him. Remember, this is all still very new to her.

Now, throughout the rest of the Alvarez arc, you can see that Lucy is incredibly protective over Natsu:

This protectiveness is Lucy’s feelings developing more and more. She knows that she likes Natsu, and therefore will now be even more worried about the possibility of losing him, and wants to continuously protect him at all costs, as we can see from the screenshots.

Chapter 545:

Like I said at the beginning of this opinion/theory, Lucy takes a lot longer to comprehend her feelings for Natsu, which is why I believe that she only realises that she is in love with him in the final chapter.

I did a whole other opinion/theory explaining what each NaLu panel in the final chapter means, so I’m not gonna go into loads of detail here. (If you want to read that theory click here #shamelessselfpromo)

ANYWAY, I think the moment Lucy finally realises she loves Natsu is here:

Memories come flooding back to her old jobs with Natsu. All these memories cause this sudden realisation that her feelings for Natsu are far more than just “I like him”. She loves him. She’s spent such a long time toying with her feelings and throwing them back and forth, that shes finally figured out that she can’t keep throwing them around forever. She needs to come to that conclusion and she finally has.

Granted, she has only come to this realisation, so she’s not just going to burst out and say “I love you”, but she does do something equally as meaningful:

She hugs him. I touched on what this hug means in my other theory, so again I’m not going to go into heaps of detail, but I will say this. Lucy is new to romance. As is Natsu. Neither of them are just going to say “I love you” because it just isn’t like them to do something that stereotypical of two people in love. This hug is her way of expressing her love for Natsu.

What happens next is controversial. Every single person has a different opinion on it but I’m just going to say it how I believe it.

Natsu was going to kiss Lucy. You may be asking “well if Lucy loves Natsu why did she stutter and say wait?”. You have to remember and keep in mind that Lucy has only just realised that she is in love with him. Her feelings are all over the place and it is all so new to her. It’s all a big shock and a lot to take in, so of course she’s going to stutter and be all nervous; this is her first time feeling this way about anyone. However, because she is aware that she is in love with him, she doesn’t push him away, she doesn’t try to get out of his grip. Instead, she closes her eyes and opens her mouth. She wants Natsu to kiss her.

Of course we know that there was no kiss, but I think the most important thing here is that she would have gladly accepted the kiss and would not have regretted it, because she is in love with Natsu.

So that’s it! It’s annoying to think that Lucy took painfully longer to realise her feelings than Natsu did, but I truly believe that this was the moment she knew that she was in love with him.

As I said before I’ve never really seen any posts regarding Lucy’s feelings towards Natsu, or if I have they haven’t been in immense detail, so this was really fun to write and figure out!

Let me know what you all think <3

Steam (M)

WARNINGS: graphic smut, very angsty, vulgar words, riding, overstimulation, kitten kink, friends with benefits

genre: smut / angst

Summary: He had a tough day at work, and needs you to help him blow off some steam. But maybe being friends with benefits was never a good idea.

Originally posted by professional-fangirling


There was something off.

You couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was, but you knew there was something wrong. By the way Yoongi called you at an odd hour of the day, his voice laced with anger. You did your best to talk to him, and calm him down. But he just wasn’t budging. And you weren’t sure what happened.

You bit your lip, anticipating for him to walk through the door.

He abruptly hung up on you, muttering a loud ‘I’m coming over, wait for me’. You weren’t sure what he meant, or what he was going to do. But you knew it was going to be exciting.

This was how Yoongi was.

Whenever he had a stressful day, he went to you and blew off some steam. You didn’t mind, in fact, you enjoyed it. It proved that he saw you as someone he trusted.

Yoongi didn’t just have sex with anyone. He chose his partners very carefully, and you knew that. So when he first kissed you, you found it quite a surprise. But, over time, you both turned into friends with benefits. You said you wouldn’t catch feelings, and neither would he.

But time changes, right?

You never imagined yourself with someone like Yoongi. Someone so self-collected on the outside, but dying on the inside. You knew how much he was hurting himself over the small things, how much he stressed himself out just to make others happy. But, over time, he really started to grow on you.

You saw the small things in him. The way he would scratch the back of his ear when he got nervous. The way he would would scrunch his nose when he did something embarrassing. The way his laugh was cut into pieces, and only sometimes let out a sound.

Just thinking about him made your heart hurt.

Yoongi never imagined being with someone like you either. Someone so kind-hearted, and honest. He always thought he would end up with someone cold, just like him. But, instead, he found you. Someone so warm on the inside, and someone so beautiful that he swore it hurt his own heart when he saw you.

You saw things in him that no one else could, and that’s why he chose you out of everyone else. You understood him, even during his worst times. You got where he came from, and respected him as, not only an idol but also, a human being in general. You understood his passion for music, and you supported him through everything. You were there when he fell apart, or when he was stressing over small, or big, things.

He envied you.

On how you could be so understanding of everyone around you, and still keep yourself sane.

But one thing he didn’t know was that you were actually driving yourself towards the edge. You were suffering in more ways than one. You had no one to support you the way you support everyone else. Sure, you had Yoongi. But he was never around. But you knew how much music meant to him, so you painted a smile on your face. You couldn’t take away the one thing keeping him sane for your own selfish reasons.

You sat on your bed, letting out a sigh as the thought of Yoongi barging through the door filled your mind. As you still remembered how he felt against your skin. As you still knew just the exact way he smelt when he held you.

You weren’t sure you could do it anymore.

You couldn’t be friends with benefits with a man you were in love with.

You heard the door swing open, and your eyes shot open as you sat up in your bed. His eyes were dark, and he looked absolutely angered. But, even then, you still saw the beauty in him. You still saw a man you knew you loved.

You swore to yourself that this was it.

This would be the last time you would ever be with him, or even see him for that matter.

He ushered towards you, kissing you roughly as your back hit the bed. His hands were roaming over your body, lifting up his loose shirt that you were wearing that you found in your closet. He loved it when you wore his t-shirts, he thought you looked absolutely wonderful in them.

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it’s happened to all of us: we’ve failed that test, forgot to hand in an assignment, or just seemed to be horrible at a subject, and in doing so, found ourselves with a less-than-desirable grade. so how do we fix that?

this is the method i’ve used in the past, and i hope it helps you out! they work really well for me, but obviously your mileage may vary.

  1. don’t panic! this doesn’t mean you’re stupid or a failure. even if you end up with a bad grade, it probably won’t matter in the long run. get some perspective. obviously this is much easier said than done, and i’m particularly bad about this haha
  2. find the root cause. why are you stuck with this grade? did you do badly on an important test, paper, or essay? or is it more consistent in that you seem to get mediocre grades on everything? figure out what’s bogging you down so you can fix it.
  3. talk to your teacher. it’s more than likely that your teacher will understand if you talk to them – it shows that you are driven, and care about the class. don’t worry if you’re nervous, just go to them after class or during a study hall, and say that you wanted to talk about a certain test/your grade in the class. if the root cause of your grade is an important assignment, go through what you missed, and if you don’t understand why you missed something, ask them about it!!!! if you just can’t understand the subject, you should let you teacher know as well. obviously, if your teacher is rude or if you don’t feel comfortable talking to them, you don’t need to do this. try asking a parent or friend for help instead.
  4. find your problem areas. now you need to go through all your assignments and see what you tend to get wrong! if it’s more detail-oriented (i.e. dates, percentages, formulas), try using flashcards or repetition to memorize these. if it’s the other way around, and you seem to have issues fitting the big picture together, lighten up on memorization and try drawing diagrams or mind maps.
  5. study smarter. find a well-lit, comfortable place to sit that fits your preferences, and get to work! using the strategies to fix your problem areas detailed in #4, take a look at your material. if you find yourself getting distracted, try to move on to a different subject, find a different study area, or just take a break.
  6. if you are still having problems, talk to someone! tell your teacher/parent/friend that you looked over what you missed and tried harder, but you still aren’t seeing a change. from there, you can get more tips on how to improve.

and that’s basically a general strategy to use! a few miscellaneous tips:

  • if you tend to not do well on exams but do well on your homework, try to go over the big picture more. also, to make up for them, try really hard not to miss points anywhere else. so you may not do great on the test, but if you do well in assignments, reviews, homework, etc. you can really bring your grade up! not the healthiest tip, but it got me through geometry with an a!
  • if you have a midterm/final, study really hard for it!! this goes without saying but it can really make or break your grade
  • try having a snack before you study! it helps if you aren’t thinking about food when you need to study for that final!
  • listen to music!! i love lofi hip-hop, try one of these livestreams!

so yeah! i hope these tips help you out!! this is my first ever resource post, so please give me tips and let me know how i can improve haha!

- amulya ♡

Countdown

BACK WITH ANOTHER ONE-SHOT!!! I told you guys I’d have some canonverse klangst, so here it is! Longer than my usual one-shots, and while I don’t want to give a vague summary… there’s a bomb involved. So. Yeah, that’s a thing.

This one is actually inspired by this absolutely gorgeous, angsty art/mini-comic by @littlecofiegirl who is an amazing artist that you should definitely check out!!

I saw this comic on my dash and I loved it so much that I was immediately inclined to write for it? Anyway, here it is! I hope you enjoy!


The plan had been going flawlessly.

Key word being had.

Shiro and Lance were both searching opposite sides of the base for their captured teammate, and Pidge and Hunk were too occupied giving Shiro directions through the maze-like corridors that they neglected to warn Lance of the approaching Galra heat signature.

A cat blocked his path in the hall, staring at him with large, yellow eyes. It didn’t move to attack, but it also didn’t run away.

“Um… guys?” Lance tried over the coms, lowering his gun just a bit. He wasn’t about to shoot a cat, but he still wanted to be on guard.

He didn’t hear the Galra behind him until her hand was on his shoulder.

That was mistake number one.

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anonymous asked:

What do you think about NISAmerica's localization of Ouma's lines in general, especially in chapter 5?

Both of these questions deal with pretty much the same issue, so I’ll be answering them both together. Also, Ouma’s localization in particular is something I’ve been wanting to discuss ever since I got to about midway through Chapter 4 in particular, so now that I’m finally finished playing the localization in general, I’m glad to have a chance to talk about it specifically. I’ll be saving my thoughts on the rest of the localization for other posts, but for this one in particular, I really do want to talk about what happened to Ouma’s characterization in particular.

First and foremost, I want to say: these are my personal thoughts on the matter. I’m not here to bash on other people’s translation work, moreso with the amount of effort and detail that’s required for translation. Some of the errors that occurred throughout the course of the localization were not, in fact, due to any one translator but were instead the natural result of what happens when you have four translators working on different characters—that is to say, a simple lack of context and communication. Several lines were drastically mistranslated simply because the translators didn’t know what the character immediately beforehand had said, and this caused some confusion in the process.

However, it is a fact that much of Ouma’s characterization, particularly in Chapter 5, suffered as a result of this localization and the translation choices that were taken. In fact, some of the most important, plot-relevant scenes concerning Ouma were translated in a way that I believe makes it much more difficult for people who have only played the localization (and therefore had no access to the original lines) to understand his motivations, his thought process, or his character in general.

This entire post is going to be very, very long, namely because I tried to go in-depth and double-check all the original Japanese text before writing. I’ve bolded some of the points I felt were most pivotal to what the localization messed up. Huge spoilers for the whole game are under the read more, so be careful if you’re trying to stay spoiler-free!

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

So how would one differentiate between autistic people who are more "severe" than others? I don't mean to say that they have any less of a right to live than anyone else. But there is obviously a spectrum. How do you do you describe people as being closer to one side of the spectrum or the other? I'm not trying to be offensive or dehumanizing, I'm just wondering..

The autism spectrum really isn’t a better-to-worse spectrum; think of it more like this sort of spectrum:

(Taken from this post, which is itself a great explanation of autism.)

None of us are “more autistic” or “less autistic” than each other, but we do have more of an issue or less of an issue with the above subjects. Some autistics are nonverbal, while others have very little problem with language. Pretty much all autistics have sensory issues, but they can be wildly different sensory issues, and therefore cause different levels of difficulty making it through everyday life.

The issue really isn’t severe versus mild, it’s which traits make it easier or harder to pass as neurotypical. There are a ton of traits that aren’t as glaringly noticeable as being nonverbal or having a meltdown over being touched, and many autistics have spent their whole lives learning to suppress themselves and learning how to ‘script’, to mimic allistic behavior so that we don’t stick out as abnormal. Some traits can be suppressed or mitigated (at least for a while), others can’t, but being able to blend in better doesn’t mean your brain isn’t autistic.

So generally, you might say something like “[person] is an autistic who is nonverbal” or “[person] is an autistic who has difficulty with their motor skills” or “[person]’s autism causes such a sensitivity to sound that loud noises cause them severe pain” or “[person] is autistic and needs help remembering to eat”, and so on. 

We’re all autistic, but the nature of our specific struggles differ, so it’s better to describe a person’s specific issues without making it about “more” or “less” autism. It’s okay to say something general like, “[person] requires a lot of assistance because of their autism” or “[person] has special needs because of their autism”, but try to make it simply a fact, rather than a label that carries some judgment to it, like ‘low-functioning’. 

And at the same time, if you know an autistic who would be deemed ‘high-functioning’, don’t assume that they aren’t struggling just because you can’t easily see it, or expect them to behave “normally” because they’re “not *that* autistic”. They’re having trouble with something, they’re just trying to hide it. Give them room to be different and need help.

Hopefully that all makes sense and you can get what I mean. Thanks for wanting to understand!

anonymous asked:

Your thoughts on Matt???

I had to find an appropriate picture of Matt to express my undying adoration for this person because oh my fucking god.

The Holts are confirmed for, first, an entire family of unbelievable goddamn nerds and I say this with the greatest and warmest love in my heart. They are also confirmed for an entire dang family of Slytherins, jesus Matt.

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Part 6 of my Studyblr University Orientation Week

I see a lot of people on studyblr talking about dealing with stress and anxiety over grades and perfectionism, but not a lot of discussion of being mentally ill and in university/college. So if you’re looking for stress reduction stuff, this post is not for you. This is for my mentally ill peeps. 

I just want to preface this with a little disclaimer. This is based on my own experience. I have depression, anxiety, ADD and OCD. I don’t know everything. I still have a lot of trouble coping, particularly with the last two as they were only recently diagnosed. This is just meant to be a few useful tips that might help a little bit. 

  • Go see a therapist. Even if you think you’re doing okay, it’s still good to have that support system there if you need it. Your therapist can also give you coping mechanisms that are tailored to your specific needs. They may also suggest you go on medication or refer you to a doctor who can prescribe it. 

  • If you are taking medication, set a reminder on your phone so that you take it at the same time every day. 

  • Set about sixteen alarms in the morning, starting half an hour before you want to wake up and spread about five to ten minutes apart. If you’re anything like me and have a lot of trouble getting to sleep, you probably have a lot of trouble getting up in the morning. This technique is a lifesaver. Also change up the alarm ~once a month. I find that my body gets used to it after a while and I just sleep right through it. 

  • Register with your school’s disability services. Yes, your mental illness is a disability. They’ll be able to help with accommodations (this could be anything from extra time on exams to extensions on your assignments). 

  • If you think that you might be handing in a paper late because depression is kicking your ass, message your professor at least a week in advance. If you tell them two days before, they’re not going to care. And if you end up not needing the extension, that’s okay. It’s better for it to be there if you need it. 

  • Headphones. Everywhere. People are stupid and loud and it’s overwhelming as fuck. Wear them right up until the prof starts lecturing. Do NOT wear them during the lecture though, your prof will hate you - though you may be able to discuss it with your prof the first week. idk, maybe you have cool profs who get it. 

  • Make a friend in your class that you can get notes from in case you can’t get out of bed. I mean this is good for anyone in case of illness in general, but yeah. Depression. Woohoo. 

  • It’s okay if you need to take a lighter course load because of your mental health. Loads of people do it. 

  • Related: It’s okay if you take 5+ years to complete your degree. You’ll get there. 

  • AD(H)D friends who stim: That’s super great and you totally should. But please do not leg bounce when you’re at a desk that has all the chairs connected to it. You will shake everybody’s seat and distract them. I get the urge to leg bounce (fuck, I’m leg bouncing rn) but please try a different stim if you could. Or bounce gently. Just no earthquakes (no joke, I literally thought it was an earthquake once and was super confused why no one else was panicking. i learned nothing that day, I was so distracted). 

  • Fidget toys are the best things ever and you can use them in lecture (provided they don’t make too much noise because your prof might yell at you for that). 

  • Bathrooms are your new best friend for panic attacks. Hide in a stall and take a few deep breaths to calm down. There’s a lot less noise there and you’re less likely to be disturbed than if you go to a stairwell. 

  • Breathe in for 5, hold for 5, out for 7. 

  • 5-4-3-2-1: Find five things in the room that are blue. Four things that are yellow. Three that are pink. Two that are purple. One that is green. You can substitute this with any colours you like. You can also do ones like “think of five things that start with f (and so on)” or “five tv shows that you like, four books, etc.” if you’re somewhere without a lot of colours (or in your handy bathroom stall). Repeat with new criteria or new answers until calm. 

  • If you’ve been crying and don’t want people to know: grab some paper towels, run some cold water on them. Wipe your eyes with them. Pat your cheeks with them. It makes less of a mess than splashing your face will and I find that it helps me a lot more. 

  • Schedule the shit out of your life. You won’t forget important meetings or things like eating dinner (whoops). 

  • Make sure that you give yourself plenty of breaks during the day. Gotta conserve that energy, yo. 

  • Find out when the library’s quietest and grab your books then. Same deal with the bookstore at the beginning of the year and buying your books. Please, the bookstore is scary when it’s busy. Save yourself. 

  • Frozen dinners are cheap, easy to make, and require next to no energy. Same with cereal, ramen, and most pasta. And egg sandwiches (two eggs, hot sauce, and mayonnaise. Best thing ever.). 

  • Great questions to ask the people who sit next to you in class: What’s your name (preface this with “Hi, I’m *blank*”)? What are you studying? Where are you from? How are you liking the class? 

  • If you’re having trouble getting started, try for ten minutes. You may find that it’s easy to keep going after that. Or maybe you’ll need to stop but at least you’ll have gotten ten minutes of work in. 

  • You’re doing great. This is a really hard thing that you’re doing right now, but you’ve got it. 

anonymous asked:

can we get some hcs for soft boy richie??

YESS HES SUCH A FUCKING SOFT BOY

(thank you @eddiesbadbreak and @stanleyuriis for some of the HCs ily)

- God, Richie is such a hopeless romantic underneath all the bullshit he spews.

- Richie is starved for attention and affection at home, which often makes him question whether he deserves that at all. So he craves attention so much, especially from Eddie.

- When they’re not bickering or joking around, Richie is so sweet with Eddie. But he definitely has to be in that mood. When Eddie is affectionate with him, calls him pet names or says that he loves Richie, Richie pretty much crumbles.

- Tbh the first time Eddie says “I love you”, Richie almost tears up because like… no one says that to him. It means more than anything because someone actually loves him and he loves them back and it’s all so amazing.

- He’s pretty sensitive, especially when it comes to his insecurities and his family situation. He totally does not show it often though, and the only people that know the true extent of how he’s feeling inside are Eddie and Bev.

- Richie is SUCH a cuddler, and often likes to be the one cuddled. He loves being the little spoon or being the one to rest his head on Eddie’s chest instead of the other way around. He loves laying with his head on Eddie’s lap when they’re with the other Losers.

- If Eddie runs his fingers through his hair, he melts instantly. He loves that shit.

- In general, he loves being taken care of by Eddie. He’s never had anyone take care of him before, so if Eddie ever acts that way it makes Richie so happy. It makes Eddie happy too because he’s always the one being babied, so he loves being on the other side especially because he just… cares so much and has so much love to give to Richie?

- Like one time Eddie packs Richie lunch for school and Richie’s like !!! This is what true bliss is. He’s smiling all day from this small gesture.

- It’s so canon that Richie keeps a spare inhaler for Eddie.

- Any time anyone laughs at his jokes it makes him SO happy. He feels awesome if people actually think he’s funny.

- Also if anyone compliments him, he’ll brush it off or make a joke out of it but everyone can always see how happy and mushy that makes him as well. He feels so valid when he feels like the people he loves love him back.

- Secretly when no one’s there, Richie and Eddie are SO fucking cheesy with each other omg. They call each other pet names. Besides the typical “Eds” or “Eddie Spaghetti” that Richie calls Eddie, he also very often calls him “babe” (which Eddie loves), or he’ll get real creative and call him absurd things like “Snicker Doodle” or “Cuddle Muffin” (which Eddie hates)

- Eddie will often call Richie “Rich”, “Red” or “Sweetie” and Richie dies every time he always gets butterflies in his stomach

- They go on cheesy dates a lot of the time: Stargazing, Rollerblading, even sharing a milkshake with two straws. A lot of the time though, the two like spending the whole day being lazy and staying in bed and eating junk food.

- Richie is super gentle with Eddie, but Eddie is also super gentle with Richie? Especially if Richie is upset, Eddie is so patient with him and will stay up comforting him all night if that’s what he wants. They’re just really careful with each other.

- Bev sometimes paints his nails and Richie really likes the way they look. He usually only lets her do one hand, though.

- Richie also loves when Bev puts hair clips in his hair to push his bangs back. She did it for the first time when making Richie do a face mask with her, but after Richie said he thought it looked really cute she continued.

- He even started doing it to keep his bangs out of his eyes when he was doing work at home. Eddie thinks it’s the cutest thing ever. Richie also loves headbands.

- Richie has THE LONGEST LASHES and SO MANY FRECKLES HE’S JUST SO PRETTY

- In general, Richie is actually so caring with his friends? I mean of course, he’ll roast and make fun of them to the moon and back but in reality they’re the most important people in his life and he would die for any one of them any day.

- No one would expect it, but he always remembers birthdays and anniversaries. He writes such long cards for all the Losers whenever it’s their birthday, talking about why he thinks each of them individually is awesome and making long lists of all the inside jokes they have together.

- He also is the best gift giver. His gifts are so thoughtful even if they’re small. He remembers what people told him they wanted months ago, or he gives them gifts that have to do with inside jokes. Things that only he could gift.

- Richie always stands up for any of the Losers without even a second thought. After Henry and his gang are gone, it’s rare for them to get bullied, especially in High School. If they ever do, it’s all verbal. They don’t really get beat up anymore. But if anyone is being a dick to any of his friends, he ALWAYS stands up to them and isn’t afraid to cuss them out, even if it means him getting detention.

- He also comforts them after they get picked on. Even underclassmen he doesn’t know. If he sees a freshman getting picked on, he’ll tell the bully to fuck off and smile so wide at the kid, telling them they’re okay!

- Tbh everyone in High School LOVES him. They think he can be kinda annoying sometimes, but he’s a genuinely good guy and he’s super funny.

- Richie is that cheesy boyfriend that picks flowers to give to Eddie. They also put flowers in each other’s long hair and Richie takes a million pictures.

- Richie saves and pressed into a book the flowers that Eddie got him after the opening night of the school musical he was starring in. His heart skipped a beat when Eddie brought him flowers and told him how amazing he was.

- As adults, Richie is so caring about Eddie especially after dealing with losing his arm. He’s so accommodating and supporting and just loves Eddie so much. After he knows Eddie is okay, all he wants is to have a happy life with him.

- As an adult, Eddie also calls Richie “Reggie” because of one time where another radio host introduced him as “Reggie Tozier.” Like you don’t even know how funny this was to Eddie. It made him tear up from laughter for like a full week after it happened, so to tease him sometimes Eddie will call him that. Richie acts like it pisses him off but he thinks it’s pretty funny himself.

- Richie’s the type of husband that comes home with flowers and is like “BAAAABE I GOT YOU FLOWERS AREN’T I THE BEST HUSBAND EVER”

- Holy shit Richie is SUCH a softie when it comes to him marrying Eddie and later when they adopt/surrogate children. Richie cries for half the wedding and then after they get their kids he tears up like EVERY damn day about it.

- He’s just so happy to actually have a family? For once in his life? Like HE built this. It’s HIS family. He gets to come home every day to such happiness it’s like unreal to him it makes him get choked up.

- BEFORE THEIR FIRST KID ARRIVES RICHIE CANNOT STOP TALKING ABOUT HOW CUTE BABY SHOES ARE.

- HE BUYS SO MANY PAIRS OF BABY SHOES THEY’RE SO SMALL THERES NO WAY THEIR CHILD’S FOOT WILL BE THAT SMALL CAN ANYTHING EVEN BE THAT SMALL??

- BUT THEN IT IS THAT SMALL AND ITS AMAZING HE LOVES IT.

- Even as adults Richie and Eddie always go on such nice dates. They never get sick of being together, especially since they feel like they have to make up for so much lost time. When they’re back together as adults it feels like falling in love all over again except this time they can actually be together and it makes Richie thank God for real.

- It’s so fucking important for Richie to be a good dad since he knows what it’s like to have horrible parents. He just wants to do what’s right.

- Overall Richie is such a sweetheart under all those dick jokes. He’s so fucking soft and good. That’s all.

V’s feelings

So, I just finished another Day 9 chatroom, and I really felt like I needed to pour my thoughts into this and create another analysis.


First and foremost, I would like to willingly admit my bias towards V, so that the rest of you can point out flaws in my argument if you feel I was using more emotion and less practicality. This is an open discussion where we can all come together to share our opinions, so please feel free to!!!


Now, as for V’s feelings. ..It seemed that today, I couldn’t stop thinking about what V had said regarding his love being obsession. Of course, I was incredibly pleased with Cheritz for adressing this and making sure the fans know that V’s idea of love is unhealthy and should not be romanticised!!!


But I, like many before me, assumed that he and Rika started out loving one another like any regular couple before everything descended into the seventh circle of hell. We had no reason to think otherwise.


However, the route seems to indicate that V was that infatuated with Rika from a very early stage, though the tendencies perhaps didn’t show up until later on.


I sat back for a moment and had to remember how to breathe as my brain started to peice together the implications.


V, someone most of the fandom has marvelled at for his unconditional love, doesn’t know how to love.


V doesn’t understand love as much as Rika doesn’t. The only people who truly loved him were his deceased mother and Jumin before the RFA.


It took a while for this to sink in, because before this, no one in the fandom knew how utterly and completely lost in the world V actually is.


We had assumed that everything was due to the common side effects of being a domestic abuse victim. And while partially true, we now know that V is much, MUCH more complicated.



V does not understand the world or himself. I have made SEVERAL previous points touching on the fact that V’s infatuation with Rika can’t possibly be regarded anywhere near what a mentally stable person should feel. The fact that he’s not OK and probably never was, even going as far as to theorise about his familial life.


Basically; V, head of RFA, does not know who is and what the hell he’s doing. He stumbles upon Rika, and immediately decides that his life is for her; that loving her wholly and devoting himself to her is the purpose of his entire existence.


Let me rephrase that, for those that do not understand just how intense this is: V literally thought that his purpose in life was to love Rika and give himself completely to her; to let her hurt and destroy him, to let her pick him apart and ruin him whenever it was she wishes.


This isn’t even because Rika implied something- he was always this way. And when the implications came up, he seemed absolutely unphased and accepting of it. That’s… That’s so fucking heartbreaking.


Rika fed into that part of V; she longed for someone to “save” her from the devil within, which even “God” could not save her from, in her words. This encouraged V’s unhealthy infatuation and solidified the idea that, yes; his purpose in life was to be her sun until she wished to extinguish him completely.


This went on going until Rika’s “devil” finally became suffocated by V’s “love”, and she had to flee. (Important to note that she left V because of this, but she did not start Mint Eye due to this. Mint Eye had already been in progression far before this! I’ll link to the post describing that soon.)



Now, V obviously regrets it. He goes into this state of depressing self contemplation and tells the MC that he regrets attempting to love anyone. He regrets allowing himself to share in the joy of love. I had never felt so heartbroken from a VN like this since Seven’s Route. ..


Anyway. MC goes on to say this;


In the first picture, we can see that V and Rika are similar in that way; both wished desperately to experience love, but it was a love that was false and ended in agony. V fell in love with the idea of love so pure and selfless like the sun, something he longed to experience himself- Rika fell in love with the idea of being loved and understood by someone. To me, at least, both fell in love with their wishes and ideals, and they lived that through one another.


And I think the MC is right when she says that their love was tragic. Remember, neither of them ever loved anyone else before, as far as we all know. And this first experience for them was DISASTROUS and damaging. V’s sense of self is even lesser than before



Here we see V wallowing in guilt and self hatred. He scolds himself for ever thinking that he could love someone properly. He scolds himself for ever thinking he deserves love.


He is a broken man- peices of a puzzle that refuse to fit with one another, photographs that tell a disconnected story and incomplete paintings riddled with tear drops.


For all the innocence of character Yoosung and Rika portray, according to Cheritz… V seems pretty innocent as well. He tries to build his way up- tries to fill a void in his soul and tries to save others because he’s too afraid of the idea of saving himself.


I believe Rika when she says that V’s love only made her worse because it “threathened [her] devil” , even though I firmly believe she fed into it continuously and that her actions (hurting V and starting Mint Eye, brainwashing vulnerable people into it) are her own and hers alone. However; I don’t believe her at all when she says that V only wants to sacrifice himself for the sake of nobility. I believe that she believes it, but I don’t agree with it myself.


Because here we see a V that’s so willing to figure out just why he was born in this world- a V who knows not who is nor why he is there, and who cares less about himself than Jaehee does about Elizabeth the Third. He truly wants to put an end to what he believes he started.


And I’m going to end this post on that note. I might make another couple of posts regarding Rika, Ray, and V in general because there’s a lot to sort through in this route. Thank you for reading and I hope you guys are enjoying this route as much as I do!


-Phil