i just wanted it out of my drafts

Okay here’s the deal… I’m going to be dropping the majority of draft/replies because I feel their weighing down my muse at the moment. I really want to start some fresh threads to help bring back Stiles but I always feel guilty with the amount of drafts I owe. So to the people below, this doesn’t mean I don’t want to continue rping with you, it just means we need something new. 

@staticsense - we talked about this! 

@bansheeintuition x2

@parkershomecomings

@bowdriven

@controlledmagic

@undeciided

Please like this if you’d still like to plot as I will come to you with some fresh ideas!

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Persona 5 Protagonist - Habits & Mannerisms

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Look, Kimmy, I know you took a test or whatever, but you don’t have to be a crossing guard. You could be a unicorn, if you want.

Writing advice you're not going to like.

People sometimes send me Asks wanting writing advice.  I suck at it.  I don’t really know how I do the writing, or how one should do the writing, or what one should do to get better at the writing.  All I can ever think to say is “write a lot of stuff and you will get better at the writing.”  Which is true, but hardly a bolt from the sky.

Well, as it turns out, I do have one piece of Legit Writing Advice, and I am going to share it with you, right now.  If you were in any of my writing workshop groups at a con, you’ve heard this advice already.

Warning: you’re going to fucking hate it.  But if you do it, you will thank me.

If you have a piece of fiction you’re serious about, something you might want to actually shop around, or just something you really are into and want to make it as good as you can…do NOT edit it.

Repeat.  DO NOT EDIT.

REWRITE.

As in, print out the whole fucking thing and re-enter it, every word (or use two screens).  Retype the whole thing.  Recreate it from the ground up using your first draft as a template.  Start with a blank page and re-enter every. single. word.

I hear you screaming.  OH MY GOD THAT’S INSANE.

Yes.  Yes, it is.

It is also the most powerful thing you will ever do for a piece of fiction that you are serious about.

Now, let’s get real.  I don’t do this for most things.  I don’t do it for my fanfiction.  But if it’s something original, something I might like to get to a professional level - I do it.  You absolutely COULD do it for fanfiction.  It’s just up to you and how much time you want to sink into a piece.

You can edit, sure.  But you WILL NOT get down to the level of change that needs to happen in a second draft.  You will let things slide.  Your eyes will miss things.  You will say “eh, good enough.”

The first time I did this, on someone else’s advice, I was dubious.  Within two pages, I was saying WHY HAVE I NOT BEEN DOING THIS ALL THE TIME.  I was amazed at how much change was happening.  By the time I got to the end, I had an entirely different novel than the one I’d started with.  When you’re already re-entering every single word, it’s easy to make deep changes.  You’ll reformat sentences, you’ll switch phrases around, you’ll massage your word choice.  You’ll discover whole paragraphs that don’t need to be there at all because they became redundant.  You’ll find dialogue exchanges that need reimagining.  Whole plot points will suddenly be different, whole story arcs will reveal their flaws and get re-drawn.

You cannot get down to the fundamental level of change that’s required just by editing an existing document.  You have to rebuild it if you really want your story to evolve.  You will be AMAZED at the difference it will make.

It will take time.  It will seem like a huge, Herculean task.  I’m not saying it’s easy.  It isn’t.  But it is absolutely revolutionary.

Try it.  I promise, you will see what I mean.

*PSA: Tipsy!Lori wrote this post.  In case you couldn’t tell.

Drafting: The Theory of Shitty First Drafts

Writing books often exhort you to “write a shitty first draft,” but I always resisted this advice. After all,

  1. I was already writing shitty drafts, even when I tried to write good ones. Why go out of my way to make them shittier?
  2. A shitty first draft just kicks the can down the road, doesn’t it? Sooner or later, I’d have to write a good draft—why put it off?
  3. If I wrote without judging what I wrote, how would I make any creative choices at all?
  4. That first draft inevitably obscured my original vision, so I wanted it to be at least slightly good.
  5. Writing something shitty meant I was shitty.

So for years, I kept writing careful, cramped, painstaking first drafts—when I managed to write at all. At last, writing became so joyless, so draining, so agonizing for me that I got desperate: I either needed to quit writing altogether or give the shitty-first-draft thing a try.

Turns out everything I believed about drafting was wrong.

For the last six months, I’ve written all my first drafts in full-on don’t-give-a-fuck mode. Here’s what I’ve learned so far:

“Shitty first draft” is a misnomer

A rough draft isn’t just a shitty story, any more than a painter’s preparatory sketch is just a shitty painting. Like a sketch, a draft is its own kind of thing: not a lesser version of the finished story, but a guide for making the finished story.

Once I started thinking of my rough drafts as preparatory sketches, I stopped fretting over how “bad” they were. Is a sketch “bad”? And actually, a rough draft can be beautiful the same way a sketch is beautiful: it has its own messy energy.

Don’t try to do everything at once

People who make complex things need to solve one kind of problem before they can solve others. A painter might need to work out where the big shapes go before they can paint the details. A writer might need to decide what two people are saying to each other before they can describe the light in the room or what those people are doing with their hands.

I’d always embraced this principle up to a point. In the early stages, I’d speculate and daydream and make messy notes. But that freedom would end as soon as I started drafting. When you write a scene, I thought, you have to start with the first word and write the rest in order. Then it dawned on me: nobody would ever see this! I could write the dialogue first and the action later; or the action first and the dialogue later; or some dialogue and action first and then interior monologue later; or I could write the whole thing like I was explaining the plot to my friend over the phone. The draft was just one very long, very detailed note to myself. Not a story, but a preparatory sketch for a story. Why not do it in whatever weird order made sense to me?

Get all your thoughts onto the page

Here’s how I used to write: I’d sit there staring at the screen and I’d think of something—then judge it, reject it, and reach for something else, which I’d most likely reject as well—all without ever fully knowing what those things were. And once you start rejecting thoughts, it’s hard to stop. If you don’t write down the first one, or the second, or the third, eventually your thought-generating mechanism jams up. You become convinced you have no thoughts at all.

When I compare my old drafts with my new ones, the old ones look coherent enough. They’re presentable as stories. But they suck as drafts, because I can’t see myself thinking in them. I have no idea what I wanted that story to be. These drafts are opaque and airless, inscrutable even to me, because a good 90% of what I was thinking while I wrote them never made it onto the page.

These days, most of my thoughts go onto the page, in one form or another. I don’t waste time figuring out how to say something, I just ask, “what are you trying to say here?” and write that down. Because this isn’t a story, it’s a plan for a story, so I just need the words to be clear, not beautiful. The drafts I write now are full of placeholders and weird meta notes, but when I read them, I can see where my mind is going. I can see what I’m trying to do. Consequently, I no longer feel like my drafts obscure my original vision. In fact, their whole purpose is to describe that vision.

Drafts are memos to future-you

To draft effectively, you need a personal drafting style or “language” to communicate with your future self (who is, of course, the author of your second draft). This language needs to record your ideas quickly so it can keep up with the pace of your imagination, but it needs to do so in a form that will make sense to you later. That’s why everyone’s drafts look different: your drafting style has to fit the way your mind works.

I’m still working mine out. Honestly, it might take a while. But recently, I started writing in fragments. That’s just how my mind works: I get pieces of sentences before I understand how to fit them together. Wrestling with syntax was slowing me down, so now I just generate the pieces and save their logical relationships for later. Drafting effectively means learning these things about yourself. And to do that, you can’t get all judgmental. You can’t fret over how you should be writing, you just gotta get it done.

Messy drafts are easier to revise

I find that drafting quickly and messily keeps the story from prematurely “hardening” into a mute, opaque object I’m afraid to change. I no longer do that thing, for instance, where I endlessly polish the first few paragraphs of a draft without moving on. Because how do you polish a bunch of fragments taped together with dashes? A draft that looks patently “unfinished” stays malleable, makes me want to dig my hands in and move stuff around.

You already have ideas

Sitting down to write a story, I used to feel this awful responsibility to create something good. Now I treat drafting simply as documenting ideas I already have—not as creation at all, but as observation and description. I don’t wait around for good words or good ideas. I just skim off whatever’s floating on the surface and write it down. It’s that which allows other, potentially better ideas to surface.

As a younger writer, my misery and frustration perpetuated themselves: suppressing so many thoughts made my writing cramped and inhibited, which convinced me I had no ideas, which made me even more afraid to write lest I discover how empty inside I really was. That was my fear, I guess: if I looked squarely at my innocent, unvetted, unvarnished ideas, I’d see how bad they truly were, and then I’d have to—what, pack up and go home? Never write again? I don’t know. But when I stopped rejecting ideas and started dumping them onto the page, the worst didn’t happen. In fact, it was a huge relief.


Next post: the practice of shitty first drafts

Ask me a question or send me feedback!

Voltron actor AU where everything’s the same but Voltron is a live-action TV show and the paladins are actors:

  • Their names are the same in real life. They go by different names in the show. 
  • Keith and Lance still have a “rivalry.” Red and Blue didn’t originally have it, but when the cast first met and the directors saw how Keith and Lance interacted, they wanted to write it in. 
  • Shiro’s arm is still a prosthetic, although the scar is fake.
    • sometimes the makeup crew forgets the scar. literally no one notices until it’s the end of filming
    • “Shiro…” “Huh?” “…they forgot the sca–” “are yOU FUC–”
  •  Shiro, Keith, Lance, Hunk, and Allura all do their own stunts. 
    • Pidge is only 17 and their mom won’t sign the waiver for them to do their own stunts. 
  • No one really knows how their little production company was able to afford hiring Allura, who’s a big time actress and super talented.
    • they eventually find out that she’s a giant mecha/space nerd and came to /them/ asking for a role and willing to do it for free
  • No one really knows if Coran has a script or if he was told to just say whatever
  • Lance calls Keith “Red” so often that Keith thinks Lance has forgotten his name
    • he hasn’t.
  • The paladins, Allura, Coran, and basically all the actors boycott after season 2, demanding retribution for the way they wrote Hunk and Lance’s characters. 
  • Hunk has an engineering degree in real life.  
  • Matt isn’t Pidge’s real life brother, but when they first meet it goes something like: “baby sister!” “big brother!” and they end up inseparable.
    • Pidge’s mother is known for calling Pidge at work just to talk to her son, Matt 
  • Hunk and Shay’s on-screen chemistry was actually a real thing. Shay was cast at the same time that she was working in the costume/design department, so they’d known each other since the show started. 
    • they’re dating now
  • Every time Lance’s character hits on Allura’s on-screen Lance spends five minutes defending Blue’s character after filming 
    • “he just craves attention, okay? he just wants love!! he’s smart and beautiful and wants to belonG”
    • despite this, Lance is basically his character minus that shoddy writing in season 2
  • Keith and Lance have their own shipping fanbase. It starts out with just their characters, but then Some Mysterious Person starts taking candids between sets and posting them online and klance is born
    • it’s Pidge. Pidge runs five fan accounts. 
    • the pictures are super incriminating, but no one shows them to Lance or Keith
    • there’s a betting pool on when they’ll get together
  • Keith gets super into his roles and ends up genuinely upset after filming the scenes where the princess reacts badly to Red being part Galra. 
    • Allura gives him a 15 minute hug after
  • Bonding Moment Discourse is actually a thing. There was a prop malfunction on set while they were filming and the directors told them to stay put, so Lance ended up being Cradled for a solid half hour.
    • later, they find out that they could’ve moved and just chilled for that time, instead of actually holding each other.
    • “I get it Keith, I get it. You just wanted to hold me. Who doesn’t amiright??”   

my entire life i was told that boys are violent but girls are worse because we’re “catty.” i was told that a catty girl was my enemy, that they used whip tongues in place of fists to start things i couldn’t erase of out my skin. i saw this cattiness wherever i was told it would live. it was in pretty girls with nice lipstick and it was in the girls who studied too much to ever come to the parties and it was in my own group of friends. when i came home crying about something, i was often reminded that girls are catty bitches and if we were boys we’d just punch each other and be done with it. 

but it was boys who first started making fun of how i looked, of what mess my face was like, of the fat on my thighs. and it was girls who showed me how to apply makeup, patiently waiting with me in the bathroom mirror to show how not to cry while i applied it to the waterline. they agreed to go on diets with me even when they hated salad. they agreed to scoop buckets of ice cream into our bellies at midnight when i was upset about something minor.

it was boys who were snippy about my grades, it was a man who first said that because i was a girl i was bad at math and i’d stay that way. it was boys who started making fun of the one time i got a 34 on a math test when my mother had been in the hospital the night before. it was girls who held my hand during this, who stayed with me through hours of library studies, who explained over and over in gel pens and pretty handwriting exactly what i was missing. it was girls who taught me to color-code and to highlight and how to stay up all night, it was girls who cheered with me when i got nothing lower than a B. 

it was a boy who taught my friend that she could talk down to me like i was trash. it was a boy who started drama between us. it was a boy who wouldn’t listen or talk it out or find a solution. he’d say angry hurtful things and expect us to listen. it was girls who fixed me after this. they taught me how to make good and positive friends. how to stay away from the girls who really are toxic ones. how to be proud of others and not competitive. how to give genuine compliments, how to accept them, how to be comfortable with who i am and what has happened.

i was told all my life that there was a “type” of girl to avoid. she was probably wearing ugg boots and shorts or drinking a latte or picking out lush products or doing literally anything that girls like to do for themselves, she was catty. girls are catty. when they fight, it’s a catfight. (we were many animals besides this. vixen. pig. fox. bitch. cow. mother hen. whale. but always, for some reason: feline and both sex kitten and dangerous weapon).

girls, i find, are defensive. we wear our hands up, waiting for the hit. girls who are sick of getting hit get “bitchy.” they are fierce, they take what they want, they’ll mess you up for saying the wrong thing about their friend. and girls, who are unwilling to simply take insults without lashing back with something: they’re catty. and when boys bully others and spread nasty gossip and start drama: well, they’re just boys. they’ll fight it out, or something. 

how much i regret believing that girls weren’t my safety net. how many friends i was scared to make because i was intimated by them. so many loving people. out of fear of what? of a tongue someone else has tattooed on them? 

cold hard facts to prove that none of ur faves are straight

harry “basically-every-male-in-this-series-told from-my-pov–is-handsome” potter

- every male in this series is handsome as told from his pov
- (he’s also not white but that’s for another post xox)

ginny weasley
- aggressively bi
loves girls.
- and loves boys 
- that’s it
- it’s just a fact.
- the statement itself is my evidence.

ron weasley
bi crisis over krum

dean and seamus
i was gonna do these as different points but they’re so in love and obsessed with each other i can’t even separate them for this
- are in love.

sirius black
probably just a little bit in love with every single one of his friends
- but most of all lupin

remus lupin
probably just a lot in love with sirius
- no better metaphor for bisexuals than a werewolf

draco malfoy
- no one has ever been more obsessed with another human that draco with harry some of that HAD to be a little gay just sayin…

bill weasley
-
if u shorten his name it’s literally bi
- ??
- can’t get more obvious than that my friends
- also the werewolf thing

cedric diggory
- not a bad place for a bath harry wink wink
- white male that dies…what other reason than bury ur gays
- ???
- so gay it hurts

albus potter
- cc is complete bullshit and i will fight anyone that says otherwise but at least it’s basically totally canon that albus and scorpius are GAY AF

scorpius malfoy
- see above. 

AU MASTER LIST

So here is a bunch of AU’s that I’ve collected over…. a long time. Enjoy

Awkward Meetings

  • I broke your nose in a mosh pit, sorry
  • I hit you with my car and was the only one to visit you in the hospital, this is sort of awkward, are you okay?
  • You’re getting chased by the police and you just jumped in my car and yelled drive, wtf man
  • You just punched me in the face while gesturing wildly to a friend, your friend can’t stop laughing and im too shocked to respond to your apologies
  • You laughed in a restaurant, but your laugh is really weird and I thought you were choking so I’m awkwardly humping you while attempting to perform the Heimlich manoeuvre and why isn’t this working, you’re just choking harder now this is aweful
  • We met on a Sunday morning, both doing our walk of shame
  • I get really sick on roller-coasters and you are sitting in front of me, im so sorry
  • You’re the bastard who keeps parking in front of my house and you just caught me drawing a dick on your window with a permanent marker… ugh, oops.
  • I work at a department store and if you take out and unfold another fucking shirt and just leave it, I’m going to fucking shove it down your throat
  • You broke into my apartment drunk thinking it was your friends place and I should call the cops by my cat likes you so????
  • You’re my new dealer and you just friended me on Facebook and idk how to react to that
  • You saw me reading the same book you are and now we are arguing about the motives of the antagonist
  • This is a five-hour-long plane ride, we’re sitting together and  you’re deathly afraid of flying. 
  • I got into a cab to find someone already inside
  • You thought I was your friend/sister
  • Holy shit, im in the wrong car.
  • I was walking by a roller coaster and your shoe flew off and hit me in the head and now I’m on the floor trying not to fall unconscious.
  • It’s 2am and I’m drunk and I need some salt for my fries and I know your awake so OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR
  • You fell asleep on me in the subway and I should probably wake you up and its my stop next stop but it’s okay, I can always just catch the subway back…
  • I know nothing about camping and all my friends left me at the site. Please, help me, I think I just heard a bear
  • This has been a shitty week and you just grabbed the last box of my favourite comfort food from the shelf, do you really want to fight me rn?
  • We met in a movie theatre and now you’re clinging to me because your terrified and I’m okay with that because it means I get your popcorn.
  • You had a party and I got really drunk and stole your microwave, so now I’m at your place and your super hungover so here, I made breakfast?

Neighbour/Roomate

  • The guy living below me has a really loud alarm clock that always wakes me up at the crack of dawn
  • I went to investigate a scream and found my neighbour standing on a chair to avoid a rat/mouse/cricket (etc.)
  • My neighbour has a really squeaky bed and my bedroom is below theirs
  • You keep stealing my doormat and HAH, I’ve got you this time thief!
  • The apartment above me has left their tap on or something and water is leaking through my ceiling
  • My neighbour’s sibling got the wrong house number and barged into my apartment on accident.
  • My roommate keeps stealing my coffee so now I make extra 
  • You’re my new neighbour and wow man, you have some really weird habits.
  • You’re my neighbour and you are stealing my wifi to watch porn and can you not?
  • You locked yourself outside of your apartment and there’s a storm rolling in and I pity you so please come into my apartment I’ll make you hot chocolate?
  • I heard you singing at 3 am and joined in and now you’re at my door and wtf mate I think your drunk but your voice is really nice so?
  • I just set the fire alarm in our building off again… sorry. I know its like the fourth time this week…
  • You keep mowing your lawn when I’m trying to sleep and seriously FUCK YOU
  • My new neighbour is really hot and wow I didn’t even like women until now? And now she is in the garden planting flowers in her bikini wow… im in too deep
  • It’s 3 am and you’re blasting off classic rock at full volume and your music taste might be awesome but soME PEOPLE are trying to sLEEP
  • We’ve never met but we shower at the same time and our showers are on opposite sides of the same apartment wall so sometimes we start duets?

Pets

  • I’m out walking and my dog started chasing your dog. 
  • My cat/dog ran away and you just found it but refuse to accept the reward. 
  • We are neighbours and your cat got my cat pregnant… so, wanna raise this little kitty family?
  • My pet tarantula/snake (etc) escaped and I forgot to warn the guy below me who is terrified of snakes/spiders
  • I need you to pet sit my pet for a while and I forgot to mention it’s a snake, the mice are in the freezer. Thanks, bye
  • My cat really hates you cat and that’s the third time this week I’ve had to pry them apart.
  • My cat keeps breaking into your apartment and it ate all your plants… dinner to make up for it?
  • My cat sneaked out on the balcony and into your open window and he has this habit of destroying furniture and pissing everywhere so I followed him inside and you cam home earlier than I expected and found me in the middle of your living room and honestly I’m not a burglar
  • Your dog likes me a thousand times better than she likes your partner and sorry not sorry I love this dog
  • You were walking your dog when you found me passed out on a park bench and thank you for waking me up and buying coffee instead of stealing my wallet

Music

  • I’m on a bus and wow, you’re singing really loudly and everyone is giving you weird looks, hey bud, tone it down, also great choice in music
  • You play Double Bass/Cello and I play 1st chair Violin and we keep making eye contact and damn your super cute.
  • You play in an orchestra and I love these songs so much, plus you’re really cute. Shit man, you’ll never notice me in the huge crowd…
  • Music is kinda illegal and my friend just died and apparently he wrote music and wow I want to know what it sounds like and to play it at his funeral but I don’t know how to. You’re a well-known music dealer, do you happen to understand these notes? Can you help me?
  • I tried to act cool at this concert and I thought I was leaning on a wall but apparently it was a speaker and now it’s on the ground in pieces and everyone’s glaring at me… sorry?

Supernatural

  • I’m a wizard and I just accidently apparated into your house. Oops.
  • I died over 2000 years ago and you’ve been dead for like 2 hours, man, damn it now I have to explain this shit to you. Great.
  • I’m immortal and you’re mortal and I don’t know how to explain this to you and soon enough you’re going to realise that I’m not aging… shiiittt
  • You’re a greek god and I’m the roman counterpart. 
  • I’m a ghost and your alive and I think I’m in love with you…. Fuck. 
  • You’re a faun and I’m a Satry
  • I’m half demon and people often judge me based on my looks, but your blind and wow you actually like me? 
  • I’m a time traveller and I went back in time and wow I think I’m in love with you, fuck this isn’t good, I just faked being George Washington… wait what? George Washington doesn’t exist here? Shit… I actually am George Washington.
  • I’m a writer and your my character and wtf how the heck did you just literally climb out of my first draft? 
  • I’m a werewolf but I don’t want to tell you because my wolf form might be that really small chihuahua you keep mentioning you see when I go out…
  • I’m an android and you’re a human and wow what is that warmth I feel when I see you?
  • I’m a homesick telepath and you’re the poor soul who is receiving all these emotions, sorry
  • Somehow I’m in your body and you’re in mine and shit man being this close to the ground is fucked up.
  • I’m a genie an d you rubbed my lamp so congrats you get three wishes but you can’t seem to think of shit and why the fuck do I have to be stuck with you? Hurry up and think of some wishes okay?
  • I was an awful angel and as punishment I have to be your guardian angel and wow your super cute and nice but I still hate you
  • You keep having strange dreams that turn out to be us in a past life and you’re determined to fine me again but in this life I’m already dead.
  • We live in the year 3090, you’re a scientist and I’m your assistant. Unfortunately and experiment goes wrong and I die. Now you’re trying to put my brain into a robot but its not the same
  • I’m a vampire and I have a moment of weakness, you’re nearby and lets just say it doesn’t end well
  • I’m a dragon and you’re a really hot prince, that’s right, they locked up the wrong royalty.
  • You’re a pirate and I’m a siren and woah… are you asexual? That’s so cool, hey wait, don’t go I just want to talk
  • Your mirror is a doorway into my dimension and I can see everything…. 
  • Listen I am genetically modified and you WILL let me hide in your house
  • Ok, so I panicked and kissed this human so he wouldn’t drown. And I know you don’t want me to keep him, and we can’t let him leave if he knows about us mere people so what do you want to do?

School/College

  • I just got partnered with you in dance class and I can’t dance for shit
  • You’re my science lab partner and how the fuck did you just explode that beaker?
  • I’m an art student and you just found my sketchbook and you’re going through it. Shit man can you give that back, I don’t care how good you think they are just don’t turn that page…
  • You’re the school dork and I’m the school jock and fuck you can see where this is going
  • We are the only two kids who ride this school bus, maybe we should carpool?
  • I thought you were my roomies new boyfriend so I invited you in but your actually the RA of the dorm and now you think I want to have sex with you
  • I accidently flooded the laundry room and you really need to do laundry
  • You’re sitting in my seat in this lecture and who even are you? I’ve never seen you before… wait what, stop checking me out!
  • We argued so much during a class discussion that we both got kicked out and we’re still arguing outside the class
  • You left your USB in the library computer and I had to go through your files to figure out who you are and in the end I read the entirety of this book you’re working on and wow you’re really good?
  • I’m a traditional painter who has to take a basic Photoshop class, you’re a graphic design major sitting next to me and getting sucked into helping me out because Im so shitty at this
  • My pottery bowl exploded in the kiln and I feel like a failure, you found me crying about it in the hallway and are now trying to comfort me and your sweater is really soft wow sorry
  • You and your friends have been playing the penis game in the library for the last five minutes and none of you have gotten above a quiet yell and fuck it I’m trying to study over her so fuck you I’m going to put an end to this game by winning 
  • We are both teachers and at the end of the year we compare how many gifts we’ve received from student and you’ve won for the past three years
  • Romeo and Juliet of the math and English departments 
  • I want to get along with you roomie… but I like star wars… and you like star trek… this isn’t going to work.
  • I usually talk to my friends through morse code in class but… apparently you know morse too… and now you know I think your butt is cute
  • I got cursed and turned into an animal and taken to the shelter and now I’m being adopted by someone who is really hot OH FUCKING NO

Near Death Experiences

  • Wow I was just in a fatal accident and who the hell are you? What is this I’m I dying? Wait no, I don’t want this, how do I get out of it? A deal you say, I’ll take it.
  • You’re an executioner and I’m about to be executed but you can’t seem to run the guillotine, wait what, why are we running away, man you’re my favourite executioner
  • Our plane/boat crashed and now it’s just us on this island. 
  • I just took a super dangerous job and your trying to talk me out of it, but we really need the money
  • It’s the middle of a war and I’m on a ship that you’re ship just torpedoed. Now I’m a prisoner and wow why can’t I feel my legs. I’m not cooperating until I can feel them again. What the fuck do you mean I’m paralysed?
  • I’m addicted to ____ (drugs/alcohol etc) and you found me in an alleyway due to after effects of my addiction (beat up, overdose etc) and decide to take me in.
  • I sold my soul to bring you back to life and I don’t have long left please make this time count

Mistaken and Secret Identities

  • I’m  a thief/hacker/murder and you’ve found out my identity and have been bugging me for days to take you on as your partner
  • I’m a superhero and you want to be like me but in doing so become a supervillain, what do you mean you don’t understand why I’m punching you?
  • I’m a superhero, you’re a supervillain, but we don’t know each other’s identities and we are actually best friends
  • I’m runaway royalty and you’re a commoner, fuck I’m so screwed I need your help, I’ll explain later
  • You think I’m a celebrity and you’re talking too much for me to explain I am defintely not… that dude. What was his name again?
  • You’re a superhero and I’m your best friend and what the fuck man? Why the hell didn’t you tell me? If you had maybe I would be fucking caught with this stupid ass monologue-ing villain
  • I have a very cute neighbour and very thin walls and one day I call you and err… your moans are very synchronised with my neighbour's…
  • I’m a superhero and you’re a supervillain and I saw you visiting kids at the children’s hospital and letting them act like they defeated you and now it’s really hard to punch you in the face

Profession Based

  • Your my mailman and I can’t help but notice that you linger at my door slightly longer than you need to ever since you saw me that one time. Do you want to come inside?
  • I’m a private detective and your my client and fuck man you’re in some deep shit
  • You’re a protester and I’m a police officer. Seriously can you please calm down a little bit, this is my job not my  beliefs.
  • I’m a make-up artist/hair stylist and I you’re an actor/model and are you flirting or???
  • You’re a celebrity and sorry mate, I have to take pictures to pay rent, I know its invasive seriously, sorry
  • You’re a store clerk and fuck, is that my ex? Can I please hide behind this counter?
  • You’re a lifeguard at my kid’s swimming competition and I fell in the pool with all my clothes on and you awkwardly tried to save me even though I didn’t need it.
  • You work at a pet store and I came in to look at tarantulas but somehow we lost the biggest one and its loose somewhere in the store and it really doesn’t help that you’re terrified of spiders
  • I’m a firefighter and you started a fire in your kitchen but you’re still flirting with me even though you’re not wearing pants and I’m carrying you down a ladder. Stop complimenting my muscles for fucks sake
  • We work at the same company and I kind of had a crush on you until I noticed that you’re the asshole stealing my lunch from the office fridge.
  • I’m a firefighter and you live near the station I work at and we talk/flirt with each other a lot. One day me and my team get called to put out a fire and it’s your home ablaze. You don’t make it.
  • I work at a fruit store and you come in almost every day and rearrange stuff on the shelves and then leave. Today you made the apples spell ‘call me’
  • It’s 2am and I was just trying to get home but I left my sunroof open all day and now there’s a squirrel in my car and it scared me and I drove into a pole - stop laughing! You’re a cop, aren’t you supposed to be helping?
  • You’re drunk and want my name tattooed on your ass.
  • You always bring your dates to the restaurant I wait at and now you’re here alone… you okay mate?

Winter Times

  • It’s snowing and I usually walk to work but that’s not happening, hey roomie, can you please drive me? Yes I know its 4am
  • I accidently gave all my winter clothes to charity over the summer and not its not so much summer, but I’m broke and hey… could you give me your old winter clothes… maybe?
  • I love the cold, but I promised to visit you for a good 4 months and wow, why did I do this? There isn’t snow here?
  • I don’t know you, but you just threw a snowball at my face, mate, its on.
  • I don’t know who the hell you are, but my roommate has someone over and It’s really cold outside…. Can I come in? Or like, have a blanket, or even a towel?

Old Friends

  • I knew you in high school and I ran into you at a renaissance fair wearing full knight regalia
  • I met you once when I was 12, we started a pen-pal relationship across the world and haven’t stopped even though we are a lot older now. 
  • You were my best friend when we were younger but your family moved to the other side of the world, and we haven’t talked in years. But now your back and wow how did you recognise me when I can’t even remember your name?

Fake Dating

  • I hired you to be my date for a wedding but your super cute, maybe we cannot fake-date? 
  • I’m fake dating you to have someone to vent to on family gatherings while also pissing off my conservative uncle that I never liked and wow… have your eyes always been this nice?
  • We’re both cosplayers and we somehow always manage to meet each other at cons dressed as a popular ship and people always want photos of us in compromising positions and so we always end up fake-dating the entire day but you’re actually really hot and I’m head over heels for you
  • My friend dragged me to this party and I just saw my ex, quick make out with me, I’ll pay you.

Miscellaneous

  • I’m blind and wow your voice is absolutely beautiful can you just keep talking? Forever? Please?
  • My younger sibling is besties with your sibling and even though we hate each other I guess we’ve got to start hanging out a little
  • We are both at a grocery store at am and you offered to arm wrestle me for the last box of cereal, its on!
  • You’re sleeping on my best friend’s couch while your house is being renovated and you have really weird habits like attempting to sing opera in the shower and you keep eating all my Nutigrain 
  • We bump into each other every Friday at the supermarket to buy the same ice-cream and maybe we should eat it together?
  • Our parents are dating and thank god I’m not the only one pissed off about this
  • I went to museum to get some inspiration and then I saw you staring at one of the paintings in awe and wow you just noticed me drawing you and this is awkward
  • I decide to take a shortcut home that involves crawling through a really tight hole in a fence and I end up getting stuck and you just happened to pass by and now you’re laughing at me
  • I took a bunch of free condoms from health services just because I could and they all fell out of my bag at once and now you’re staring at me weirdly
  • We are trapped in a bank during a robbery
  • Your country is trying to take over mine and I might be a little attracted to you and stop this it’s really hard to retaliate okay?
  • I was on my balcony and you started loudly quoting romeo and juliet at me

Jean Moreau ‘firsts’ to consider:

  • the first time Jean allowed himself to enjoy a blue sky
    • the trojans had dragged him off to a picnic for “team bonding” and it was the first time he’d been allowed to look at the sky without Riko looming over him
  • the first time Jean felt the grass under his fingers
    • on that same picnic, while Laila and Alvarez were wrestling playfully nearby, Jean looked at the grass under the blanket and ran his hands over it and was in awe at how smooth it was
  • the first time Jean went to a party
    • the Trojans just won a game and wanted to celebrate, so of course they made Jean come along, and at first he’d been apprehensive, but then Jeremy grinned at him and it turned out to be not so bad
  • the first time Jean genuinely smiled
    • unsurprisingly, it was because of Jeremy, who made a stupid pun that Jean wanted to groan at, but he found it humorous somehow so he just… couldn’t help it
  • the first time Jean failed and didn’t beat himself up over it
    • the Trojans rarely lose a game, but sometimes Jean can’t stop a shot that should have been easy. One day he can’t block a shot and he’s surprised to realize he’s just thought “I’ll do better next time”
  • the first time Jean lets himself love
    • it’s not just Jeremy, but also Laila and Alvarez, who show him that love isn’t supposed to be painful or possessive or suffocating and who give him the courage to let the team love him
    • even Jeremy
    • (especially Jeremy)

               I’m here with you.I see you.You are my friend, M’gann M’orzz.You are forgiven

The Pilgrim (Part 1)

This is the first half of a Zimbits soulmate AU, where you can feel the pull of your soulmate like a compass. This is a first draft, so no corrections have been made so far. I just wanted to throw it out there. There will be a second and final part to this- and I’ll do my best to write it soon. 




Dear Mama and Coach,

I’m sorry to leave with only a note, but this is something I have to do. I left for my pilgrimage. I know I’m way too young, but I couldn’t wait. … I think my soulmate is dying. I felt the pull stop for a full minute. It never happened before. I can’t wait another four years before seeking them! I hope you understand.

Also, I didn’t tell y’all because… I think my soulmate may be a man.

I hope you’re not too mad at me. I’ll call.

I love you both,

– Dicky


North. The pull had always pointed North. Sometimes, when Eric changed cities, he tried to triangulate the feel, but there was never enough difference in what he felt to pinpoint a precise location on a map. His soulmate could be in any of the states above Georgia, or- well, they could live further North. He wondered what would be worse for his parents, that his soulmate was a man, or that he was a Yankee.

He’d stressed about it for years but, now that he was stuck on a bus for who knew how long, he couldn’t stop worrying. He fidgeted with the cheap pilgrimage kit he’d bought at Atlanta. A map of the United States, a plastic ruler, a tiny pencil and a miserable looking compass that didn’t seem to point in the same direction if he shook it a bit. It was all he could afford, since the bus ticket from Madison to Atlanta, then Atlanta to… wherever, took most of his “borrowed” money.

That was another thing. His parents would be so mad when they noticed he took from his savings account. That money was supposed to go to his skating class- or more recently, his hockey equipment.

Maybe he could have asked. Maybe they’d understood, and offered more, and Coach would have lent him his own brass compass, the one inherited from his own father, the one he used to follow the pull until he found his own soulmate. Maybe his mother would have kissed him on the forehead and maybe she’d have offered to ride with him wherever the pull led him- North, North, always North…

But maybe not.

It wasn’t something Eric wanted to risk. The steadiness of the pull had stopped, for just a minute, maybe more, but that was enough to change Eric’s own life. He had someone, somewhere, whose soul was compatible with his- who was maybe a lover, a friend- and that someone’s life had blinked.

He held back his nervous tears, fidgeted with the compass once more.

(more under the cut)

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💰✨Broke Witch Tips✨💰
  • Wal-Mart has incense sticks/cones in packs of 40 for 84¢ and a standard wood burners for 84¢ as well. Add the cost of a lighter and you can now cleanse anything for less than $4.00
  • If you want to get a little fancier, Wal-Mart also has decorative incense stick holders and cone covers from $4-$10 I have a flower blossom stick holder I got for $5 that not only looks adorable but comes with quite a bit of incense in the set
  • Around back to school time, notebooks are very cheap-for my first/rough draft grimoire I got a pretty pink composition notebook for 50¢ and a pack of pens for $1.00-use this to record all the information you want to put in your final draft grimoire here (and honestly it’s great to have just a little book that I don’t care if it gets battered up)
  • Like pasta? Save your sauce jars, wash them out well, and BOOM-spell jars.  I’ve been living off shells with Alfredo sauce and I’m saving up tons and tons of jars
  • DOLLAR STORES-literally most of my witchy stuff I got at my local dollar store. Dollar stores are the absolute best for finding candles. They have tall candles, short candles, tea candles, votive candles, scented candles, unscented candles, LED candles, candle holders, you name it, dollar stores have it. So far from my local dollar store I’ve gotten
    • 3 tall, unscented candles in glass jars (1 white, 1 yellow and 1 blue)
    • a 16 PACK of unscented tea candles. that’s right, SIXTEEN. for a DOLLAR. that’s less than 10¢ a candle
    • a really adorable holder for said tea candles
    • a 2 pack of white, unscented taper candles
    • a medium sized LED candle (batteries were included in this one, but that was the only one I could find with batteries included, however most dollar stores also sell batteries)
  • Don’t have the space for a big tabletop altar (also for closeted witches)? a tin of mints is around $2.50 and, empty of mints, makes a great tiny, hide-able altar space. it fits conveniently in a purse or bag and won’t arouse suspicion. Tape sigils to the inside, spell recipes on tiny cards, chants, a tea light and a lighter, the possibilities are endless
  • follow crystal shops on Instagram, a lot of crystal shops will have ‘flash sales’ on social media, so you can scoop up great crystals for a good price