i just want to write and my arm hates me

i. I told you that I never liked hugs because I am an awkward person but yours will always be an exception. Nothing beats the idea of having your arms around me. Just yours.

ii. That afternoon you were mumbling about how much you hated your smile and I pretended that I didn’t hear you. But I actually heard everything and I wanted to tell you that you have the kind of smile that lights up the whole world. You light up my dim world.

iii. Last Friday we didn’t get to talk much and when we managed to get out of our tight schedules, you asked me if I missed you. I remember that I just gave you a smile and said, ‘I missed myself’ and I received a glare from you in reply. Honestly, I wanted to say that I missed you like hell.

iv. Each time I tell you that I am homesick, I’m not talking about my literal home. I’m talking about you. You are my home.

v. When you told me that he wanted to break up with you, I thought I would be happy but no, not at all. You bottled everything up and pretended that everything was okay. No matter how many times I asked, you told me that you’re fine, that you’re well. It broke my heart when I saw you acting like this.

vi. Three days ago you were really tired and you fell asleep in my car on the way to your home. I drove slower than usual just so I wouldn’t wake you up and I didn’t wake you up right away when we reached your place. Instead, I gazed at your sleeping face for a little while. You looked just like a child when you were asleep.

vii. You said that I was acting quite distant these days, and I told you that it’s because things were hectic on my side but that’s not really the case. I just don’t want to get too close you, you might find out about my feelings for you.

viii. I may complain when you start to spam my phone with your selfies and random pictures of things around you, but I actually love it. I love it so much.

ix. It was partially a lie when I told you that I had massive fun with my friends and family on my birthday. It wasn’t all that fun because you weren’t here. But you did make my day when you called to wish me.

x. I have so many things to tell you but I’ll cut them down to a sentence of 3 words: I love you.

—  L.W. // 10 Things You Didn’t Know And You Might Never Know
ruin my rep: c.h.

an: please request if you want me to do a part two to this or anything or you just want me to write!! i hope you enjoy :)

part two

part three

you hated everything there was to hate about college frat boy calum hood. he was cocky, insensitive and judgemental. he went through girls like paper, using them whenever he wanted to. the saddest part is, girls subjected themselves to his behavior because he was hot. chocolate brown eyes, dark hair that fell over his forehead, tattooed muscular arms and naturally tan skin made girls fall at his feet.

but not you.

you saw through his exterior, seeing for the actual guy he was. a dirtbag. you saw him at every single party eyeing you down, and you did your best to avoid him. it worked since he’d never really talk to you. he’d just undress you with his eyes.

“welcome to human anatomy, where you will pay attention or I will fail you.” your professor said, making the rumors you heard about him grow more and more accurate. you heard the door to the room slam shut, and a panicked voice came from behind you.

“sorry I’m late. i just got lost.” calum hood sighed, padding down the steps. you waited for the teacher to yell at the top of his lungs, but he let it slide.

“it’s fine, mr. hood.” he mumbled. “sit next to- you! what’s your name?” you looked up to see the teacher pointing his finger right at you. you gulped nervously.

“y/n.”

“sit next to y/n. and everyone, who you sit by is your partner for the rest of the year. make friends.” you bit the inside of your cheek so you wouldn’t scream out profanities, praying to god that you were just dreaming.

calum wasn’t happy about sitting next to one of the biggest nerds on campus either. but maybe he’d sleep with you and you’d do his homework if he played his cards right. but, judging from what he’d heard and the looks they exchanged, you hated his guts. he’d be happy to reciprocate the feelings.

“great.” he mumbled making sure you wouldn’t hear him. but you did, and it didn’t take you too long to set things straight.

“look calum, i hate you and you know why. don’t act like an eighth grader, alright? we will only talk about this class and this class only. we will never see each other outside of this room unless it’s necessary. let’s get through the year like civilized adults and then we will never have to see each other.” you snapped, focusing your attention back on the teacher. calum was stunned by your response, and was suddenly filled with a fiery desire to annoy the shit out of you.

“it’s a deal, trust me. being seen with you in any setting would ruin my reputation.” he shook his head and crossed his arms. you nearly broke your pencil at his remarks about his reputation, but you kept your cool. calum hood cared about two things: his rep and sex. you made it your mission to ruin his rep and to never give the one thing he only looks for in girls: sex.

Can I have my farewell embrace, and I’ll whisper in your ear how miserable I’m going to be now that you’re leaving. There’s a chance that I’d effortlessly fall into the abyss because you won’t be there to hold me anymore. Just picturing it in my mind makes me want to beg, kneel in front of you and say you don’t have to go. It seems like fate hates me, fate hates us. The world doesn’t want us to be in each other’s arms. But, babe, carry my one last touch as a missing puzzle piece to figure out someday where am I, as a key to unlock that day where we can get to see each other again. I’ll always be here, waiting and praying that no matter what will happen, you’ll come back, we will be together and won’t let anything or anyone to change that once more.
—  // 9-5-’16. 9:37pm
The signs as shit my friend Higu has said to me
  • Aries: i want all my followers to be intimidated by me at large but when the speak to me one on one it's just "arm girl"
  • Taurus: *tlyer the creator voice* OKAY
  • Gemini: YOU UGLY GAY BOY
  • Cancer: i will write your obituary. "a cracker just like the rest of them"
  • Leo: i HATE anime!
  • Virgo: AAOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHJMYGDO
  • Libra: I did not pee on the stiars
  • Scorpio: dude imagine getting a phd in cryptozoology
  • Sagittarius: fuck your thanksgivingass fry pants
  • Capricorn: child: (complaining)
  • me: (thinking) if only i were analyzing your corpse and not your psychological
  • Aquarius: im going to cuss at you in gullah
  • Pisces: daddy's gotta eat
Breakfast- Outlaw Queen Fanfic

This is for my sister, my love, my soulmate, my psychologist, my friend, my anchor, my person, my everything basically adi-dion . It seems like there aren’t enough words in this world I can use to say how much I thank you for being there for me whenever I needed you in those last couple of months, or how greatful I am for having you in my life, to have the best older sister in the entire world.   
I hope this fluffy fic makes a good enough thank you.

And for Zoo mysterious-song, who suffered half an hour of OH MY GOD I CAN’T FIND A  PROMPT I WANT TO WRITE I HATE EVERYTHING me.  

This takes place the morning after Robin and Regina reunite. 


There is a stupid, annoying alarm going off in Regina’s dream, just as it starts to get interesting (and hot, if she may add). She tries to push it back; tries to focus on Robin’s arms exploring her half- bare body, but all of her attempts fail miserably.

When she forces her eye lids open the alarm doesn’t stop. It seems like it gets worse, stronger, and only then Regina understands that it invaded her dream. This sound, however, is very real, yet she is too foggy to be worried about it.

She covers her head with the pillow, tries to gain a couple more precious minutes of sleep and prays to whomever up there who might listen to her that this noise stops. Apparently there is no higher force who hears Regina Mills’ wishes, and she will have to roll out of bed and sort this thing through herself.

What an excellent start to her Saturday.

When she is about to pull the covers up and away from her body she finally notices that the other side of the bed is warm and undone, as well to the fact that she is very much naked under the sheets. She remembers him, Robin, his return, and their late night’s activities from yesterday mix up in her mind with the ones from her dreams (she can’t actually tell which of those were dirtier, nor which actually happened).

And then it strikes her. The awfully annoying alarm sound she hears is the actually the fire alarm going off.

Great.

Keep reading

10 PM.

My bones start to tremble, prepare themselves for what’s coming.

11 PM.

I write 3 texts out on my phone and erase each one.

“Hey”

“Why do I feel like you don’t want to talk to me anymore?”

“I love you I’m sorry oh god I’m sorry I hate myself for whatever I did to make this happen between us things were so good before when did they go so wrong I miss your rough voice and strong arms more than I hate feeling like this”

12 AM.

I pace my bedroom 16 times, consider crashing my car just so you can see my face on your TV, Snapchat you passive-aggressive poems that are definitely, maybe not reminding me of you. You open each one. I get no response.

1 AM.

The tears are coming. The tears never came before you, never felt the need to make their presence known. I playback every kiss, reread every text message on my phone, wonder if I’ll be buying you a birthday gift in 3 months. I wonder if you’ll forget the texture of my skin by August. I wonder if September will mean learning to live without you.

2 AM.

I am tiring myself out. My pillow has heard too many muffled screams, felt too many silent tears. As I crawl into bed, I imagine you’re next to me. I tuck you in the way you always did for me. Kiss your forehead goodnight. Let you be the little spoon. Leave my fan on all night because you always are too hot. Never mind the fact that I am shivering alone under these blankets. Tonight I will dream of you and things will be okay again, at least for a few hours.

-AD my nightly routine ever since you left for the summer

I always thought you’d come back
arms open
waiting for me to jump up
and cling to the flesh on your neck.
I can see it now
you’re standing in a field,
the sun’s setting behind you
but it’s not blinding
your silhouette looks too perfect,
like a painting,
like a dream
I don’t wake up yet
I keep walking
the wheat grazing my legs.
I feel the breeze as it blows through my hair
it’s the perfect temperature, just sitting on my skin

(like you used to when we were curled up in bed,
your fingers tracing the small hairs on my arms
starting from my wrist all the way up to my shoulder.)

I finally get to you
as if I’ve been walking my whole life
destined to stand a foot away.
(almost there, but still not close enough)
I can hear your breaths
so faint it blends into the wind
like a little whistle,
it takes me back to when you held me in your arms as you slept.
I never realized all the little things I missed.

we’re standing in this wheat field,
the Suns making my eyes gold, I can tell by the way you’re looking at me
you see this sparkle in my eye
and wonder what happened,
why it ever disappeared.
it only feels like we’ve been standing there for a few seconds
or maybe hours
I can’t tell.
all I can think about is your hand
all I can think about is you moving it just a few inches
reaching out for mine

then all of a sudden the Suns practically gone,
the moon has started its turn in the sky and is just behind me
your eyes drift
locked on its white crescent
you only see her

(I always thought you’d come back.
come back from this dream youre in
where you love the sun,
but no matter what you’ll always belong to the moon.
I always thought some day
the sparkle in my golden eyes would be enough)

in the dream it’s too dark to see anything except her.
you’re looking at me
but still her body is balancing on my eyes
dancing as they shift back and forth,
swimming as tears start to form.

(I’ve always been waiting
waiting for her to sleep so I can be reborn,
so you can see my eyes change from brown to gold,
so you can feel my warmth.
I’ve always been waiting for excuses
to be enough for you
I wonder when I realized I never was
I wonder how long I pretended I never knew.)

—  “you may be sunshine darling but we both know the moon has my heart” // August 27, 2016
3

365 Photo Project- catching up, entries #60, 63, and 64

- Fuzz’s first time braving the wheelchair! It made my day, lol. She spent about an hour visibly contemplating it before she made the jump ;)

- Luca puppy has decided this is her new favorite place to hang out

- my stupid hand/arm/wrist is so fucked that after avoiding the laptop for weeks, I spent only TWELVE minutes on there and I hurt so bad I couldn’t breathe. This is why I’m never productive! ;-P

hey i just wanted to say 
i miss you,
nothing's felt like home
since you left– 
not even the house 
i’ve called home since
i was seven years old.

and they always say that 
home is where the heart is,
and if that’s true
then i know home isn’t
imbedded in the walls 
or under my sheets–
home is in your arms. 

home is with you.

and maybe that’s why 
i don’t get much sleep these
days,
i’m homesick for arms that 
i fear don’t even want to hold
me.
i’m homesick for you. 

so i guess i just miss you, 
not even the walls that house
my bones can comfort me 
anymore,
and i’ve accepted it wholly,
but without you there are 
still holes in me.

i miss you.
you were always home
and now you're gone.

— 

damn my writings really gone to shit, but i hate how this is so inbetween– i was never really good at things like this

mh 

You: angel of west winds, of woven wings.
You: feather of fallen orbital, oracle; all I see is
you. I want the orphic parts of
you to drown me. I want
you in arm and hand, I want
you in tooth and blood. And
you are mine someday,
you say, as we climb

Apple trees taller than the future;
tell stories alpine like uncertainty.
But I am scared you are not listening; I am
buried but your skin clams up and we
both look the other way.
I want to be fine but I fear
all that exists is Entropy
and Descartes’ own reflection in the fire.

I doubt my own hands when they are reaching for
you.
—  Amy V. K. // “Meditations on First Love” // January 2015

I was born on the open road.
My mother always said I had a chameleon soul,
that I was made for this life
of Coca-Cola kisses, stars and stripes,
a single fire in the desert,

Wildness.

Three years on this world tour
and my name is not in Neptune lights,
I did not become a beautiful poet just
a half-good singer with home
in the arms of strangers that
love and  hate and worship me,

I am madness.
I belonged to no one, I belonged to everyone.
I had nothing, I wanted everything.

I am a motorcycle ride at midnight,
I am the one you think of whenever
a lone wolf howls.

I will dance in the middle of the blue unknown
wearing nothing but an American flag,
laughing and crying and singing,
asking devils and angels
what it means to be free.

— 


It takes getting everything you ever wanted and
then losing it to know what true freedom is. Inspired by Ride - Lana Del Rey