i just want to put this somewhere

Dear P.O.T.S.,

I don’t know if I want to positive or if I want to cry.  Today I’ve had very mixed feelings about how I’ve been approaching being chronically ill. 

Some things, like me being jealous of normal people don’t change.  I’m out of breath just from standing.  But today, the weather was warm, and I was overheating in my own room, and I hated the fact that I had to put compression stockings on, when everyone else I know can wear whatever they want, and not have to worry if it’ll look stupid or clash with the compression stockings now that the weather is caught somewhere between warm and freezing.

But, even with those feelings, today I also felt something positive mixed in with the burning rage that comes with having to get out of bed no matter how bad I feel.  I thought, I’m strong, I can do this.  I’m smart, I’ll work my outfits out.  I won’t overheat when the weather gets hot in the summer, because I’ll find a way to stay cool that won’t stop me from having a good summer.

This train of thought, is very much unlike me.  I’m not typically a positive thinker when it comes to daily life, especially when it comes to you, P.O.T.S.  When you’re involved, that usually means tears running down my face, and me pulling at my hair.  It means me wasting precious energy on pacing around my room, talking myself out of things that will hurt me.  But, after almost having a breakdown, I realized I’ll be okay this summer.  

I kept trying to tell myself that throughout the day, even when I was sad about things that seemed to be going wrong.  

When I woke up this morning, I thought today would be awful.  I assumed that I would have nothing fun to look back on by the time night rolled around.  However, as the day went on, I think I found a way to try find the silver lining.  

I don’t know how I did it.  I just hope I can repeat it.

Love, 

Potsie

anonymous asked:

Hey! Sorry if I'm bothering you, but one of my pet toads has died, and I wanted to either mummify it, or just keep the bones, which do you thinks better, and do you know how I should do it? You don't have to answer I was just wondering! :)

Hello, I’m sorry to hear about your toad anon ❤️

I’ve not cleaned an amphibian before, so I’m not entirely certain!

To mummify him I would wash him, then put him in some isopropyl alcohol for a few weeks. Take him out and leave him somewhere dry (you could sprinkle some borax or salt on him while he’s drying if you wanted). You may need to gut him sadly, if you are up to it - I am not sure if injecting him with alcohol would be enough for his organs to dry out too - as I said though I honestly not sure as I’ve never done it myself! I don’t know if @mydeadthingsdiary has done amphibians before but she’s had lots of success drying animals using alcohol first.

For bones, you wouldn’t -have- to deflesh him but it generally helps the process. You may lose some small bones and his skull may fall apart with most regular methods (maggot cleaning, maceration, burial). Dermestids would probably do a good job (though I hear they don’t always like eating amphibian), or ants. Ants may carry away smaller bones into their nest, a container over the body with a small opening will limit this happening but might not guarantee it with tiny bones. I think @shadyufo may have had some experience cleaning tiny delicate bones ?

Sorry I couldn’t be more help anon! Good luck, and again I am sorry for your loss

I want Keith to notice something’s up with Lance. I want him to notice how Lance’s eyes don’t light up nearly as bright anymore as they did before, how his smiles seem strained and fake, like he’s putting up a mask for everyone else’s benefit.

I want Keith to find Lance one late night back in the control room looking at the map of stars and somewhere in there is earth.

I want them to talk and eventually Lance starts pouring out his insecurities.

And all the while Keith is just looking at him confused and he interrupts Lance and starts spilling out about how great Lance is, and how he really is the team’s sharpshooter and pretty much the heart of their team and if it wasn’t for him none of them would be where they are now with Voltron and a family and just…everything.

And he doesn’t realize he’s gone off on a tangent until he stops and his breathing is labored and he realizes it’s gone quiet and the overdue anxiety comes back tenfold as he realizes Lance is silent.

He chances a look up to see Lance with eyes shining and watery and he could’ve sworn he saw a blush across his cheeks too but he’s not given a second glance before he turns away, face burning, hoping what he just said didn’t ruin whatever tentative friendship they had before.

And he’s pretty sure his face is burning when he feels soft lips press against his cheek and hear a small thank you and Lance is leaving the room quickly with his shoulders hunched and fists clenched in embarrassment. And Keith is just sitting there definitely sure his face is the same color as his lion but he holds up fingers to press against the spot where Lance kissed and before he knows it he’s up and running to catch up with Lance.

My post isn’t to claim I get treated any worse than other people with a platform. Although the gory photos are really something else… I just wanted to vent and this is my blog and that’s where I do that stuff. If you don’t like it, no worries. You can move along and it won’t hurt either of us. Thanks for all the kind words from people who have left them! I have a great life and I’ve gotten to meet so many amazing people in this journey who have moved me and given me a tremendous amount of courage. I just needed somewhere to put my thoughts and I remembered not too long ago, I was a 19 year old girl with a blog and this is exactly where I put them. So I came back to a familiar place. 💓

How I made $2000 off a meth dealer.

A few years ago I was married to a degenerate tweeker (she wasn’t originally like that, but y'know, meth does what meth does).

I kept interfering with her tweeker lifestyle trying to get her treatment etc and she rewarded my efforts with a restraining order (lied, said I beat her and other overly dramatic stuff).

So, I get kicked out of my place and end up in a studio apartment with nothing but my toothbrush and the clothes I was wearing.

One of her great plans was to get a front for a ton of dope using EVERYTHING OF VALUE WE OWN as collateral.

Drug dealer literally takes everything and puts it in a storage unit somewhere in town. Wife plans to stomp on the dope, sell it and by the weekend be a millionaire (tweeker logic).

Of course, she fucks off the plan and ends up just doing the dope so now all our expensive stuff is in the wind.

I try to work out something with POS drug dealer but he wanted an absurd amount of payback, plus I made some threatening comments he didn’t appreciate so negotiations stalled.

Eventually, I catch wind that he got locked up and that some friends took all HIS property and put it in storage for safekeeping until he got out.

I hit every storage place in town with my story and his picture hoping to catch some kind of break.

Eventually, I find the place. Owner tells me that the unit is going up for auction the next weekend for non-payment. He tells me if I just pay the 3 months back rent that he’d write it up as I won the auction and I can have the unit.

$320 gets slapped on the counter and we go drill the lock.

All my stuff is there! And, whaddaya know, now I own all his stuff free and clear.

And, cuz I’m a nice guy, I dug out all the personal irreplaceable stuff (old photos, important documents, etc), boxed them up and gave them to his mom (found her on Facebook).

Actually made quite a bit of money off the deal selling his shit on Craigslist (came out about $2000 in the black on the deal).

Divorced now, have all my stuff and am happy….

Things Dr. Kuseno Has to Deal With
  • Typing out an entire manual for Saitama so he knows what to do if Genos “you know, gets all weird or something”  
  • Explaining to Genos why he can’t have a blender installed somewhere on his body
  • Sitting Genos down and explaining why nearly self-destructing four times in one week is a bad thing
  • Showing Saitama for the seventh time how to manually shut Genos down
  • “You want to know where what is, Saitama?” “Heh, you know…I’m just curious.” 
  • Not asking why Genos has finger-shaped dents all over his body or the occasional bite mark 
  • Getting use to the sight of Genos being carried back to his lab by Saitama on his back
  • Listening to Genos go on and on and on about how great his Sensei is 
  • “He really is amazing, doctor.” “Uh huh.” 
  • Pulling Saitama aside and giving him the “stern father figure talk”
  • “So…are you saying Genos does like flowers…or not?” “Is this really the only reason you came all the way over here?” “Yep.” “*sighs* He does. He likes tulips.”  
  • Listening to Genos have lovey dovey (as Dr. Kuseno liked to call them) conversations with Saitama over the phone while he’s getting repaired
  • Getting a call from Saitama in the middle of the night asking if Genos can get struck by lightning 
  • Getting another call from Saitama asking if “static shock would mess Genos up because he bought me these new fuzzy socks and I wanna shock him but I want to make sure he doesn’t, you know, die if I do.”
  • Being surprised whenever Genos laughs at something Saitama says 
  • Being happy that Genos has finally started to live his life after meeting the hero Saitama    
the signs as boyfriends

aries ❤ : loves to joke with you.  you guys are always laughing together.  jumps out from behind things to scare you but picks you up and holds you when you scream.  always suddenly wants to leave the house at 2am.  human heater that always keeps you warm.  touches your butt 24/7.  he loves it when you play with his hair.

taurus ❤ : sappy traditional romantic.  would actually do the “put this on i’ll be here to pick you up at 8″ thing.  takes you out to dinner at least once a week.  loves to take you shopping and buy you things.  100% the boyfriend in sephora spending $200 dollars on his girl.  netflix and actually just chilling and napping.

gemini ❤ : always has you laughing.  you hardly ever just hang out at home because he always wants to go somewhere and do something.  has like 50000 anecdotes to tell you and just when you think he has to be out of stories he has another.  full of surprises, surprise gifts and surprise things about him.

cancer ❤ : big ‘ol whinebaby.  texts you ‘i miss you baby’ 5 minutes after you left.  will spend the entire day with you cuddling and napping and cuddling.  makes you mac’n’cheese before you come over without you even mentioning you’re hungry.  can always tell if something is wrong.

leo ❤ : super over-the-top with all the dates he takes you on.  hot air balloon rides and shit.  literally the biggest baby ever, he always wants to give you a backrub and always wants to be the little spoon.  constantly touching you, playing with your hair, holding your hand, touching your waist.  shows you off to his friends.

virgo ❤ : art museum and aquarium dates.  he makes you watch documentaries with him and won’t take no for an answer.  always well-dressed and lookin sexy and you don’t know what to do with yourself.  folds your laundry and calls you hun.

libra ❤ : literally wants to go to the grocery store with you.  he’ll call you up because he’d rather go pick up milk and bread with you than by himself.  buys you flowers and calls you pretty all the time.  constantly holding your hand everywhere you go and kisses your nose a lot.

scorpio ❤ : wants to share all his favorite things with you.  he wants you to love his favorite TV show and wants you to love his dog.  very vocal about how much he loves you, will send you paragraphs via text about how much you’ve made his life better.  loves to jokingly tease you but if anyone else does it he’ll knock them down.

sagittarius ❤ : you guys have a money jar labelled with the places you want to go together.  will honestly tell you if those pants make you look fat or not.  always up for anything, seems like he never sleeps and if you text him at any hour he’ll always offer to come pick you up.  

capricorn ❤ : buys you roses super often.  shows how much he loves you with the little things; picks up stuff that reminded him of you in the store and watches your favorite movie even if he doesn’t like it.  loves cuddling, believe it or not, and likes to lay on your chest and kiss your chin.

aquarius ❤ : takes you to the absolute best parties and doesn’t leave your side the entire time, is always standing there holding your waist and kissing your cheek.  shows you all the places he loves to go to, his favorite restaurant and his favorite park.  loves going on walks with you.

pisces ❤ : you literally receive “hey, thinking about you, you okay?” texts before you’ve even mentioned that you’re upset about something.  loves telling you about his ideas and dreams.  little spoon 100%, wants you to hold him and kiss his head.  always complimenting you and telling you how much you mean to him. 

Family: 12x12 Coda

“Castiel?” Mary tapped lightly on his door.

“He spent the night with Dean,” Sam told her. He was leaning in his own doorway.

“Oh? I just wanted to check in on him. I suppose Dean’s keeping an eye on him.” She smiled knowingly. “Are they…? I mean he told Dean he loved him last night.”

Sam shrugged. “If know. I half expected Dean to drive off somewhere in the middle of the night and drink himself stupid. He doesn’t do feelings.” He put an arm around his mother and walked her to the kitchen for some coffee and a longer chat.

“The waitress yesterday morning?” Mary asked.

“Classic Dean. Alpha male, pack leader. Clearly not interested in her but still asserts his masculinity. He knows Cas isn’t looking to hook up with anyone. He’s not the casual sex kind of guy.”

“And you and Dean are?” It was a fair enough question.

Sam shifted in his seat uncomfortably. Not a topic he wanted to discuss with his mother. “No time for relationships. Let’s leave it at that. And not so much for one night stands the past couple years. I think we went and got too old for it.”

“Maybe it’s because Dean has Castiel. Maybe the whole show yesterday was to throw us off, keep it a secret. But when you’re dying you say things you think you may never say again.”

Sam cleared his throat. Dean stumbled into the kitchen with an equally half awake angel behind him. They grunted their greetings to the other Winchesters and Cas flopped down beside Mary whilst Dean fixed them some coffee. They noticed Cas was wearing some of Dean’s things and his hair was particularly unruly like he’d actually slept.

“Rough night?” Sam asked. He figured one of them would answer him.

“It’s been awhile since I’ve slept. Dean’s bed is quite comfortable, though. It was easier to rest than I anticipated.” Cas was straightforward as usual.

Mary looked to Dean. He didn’t look remotely flustered. No posturing. “Did you get any sleep, Dean?”

“Better than I have in years.”

Sam fought a smirk. “So you slept…together?”

Dean glared at him over his cup. “You got a problem with that?”

Sam shrugged again. “You wanna be cuddle buddies with Cas that’s fine with me. Mom?” He shifted the focus to Mary.

She put her arm around Cas. “I think it’s wonderful that you have each other.” She hugged him to her side. “My boys. My Winchester boys.”

“You’re definitely a Winchester, Cas.” Sam reached across the table to pat his hand. “Whether Dean makes an honest man out of you or not, you’ll always be my brother.”

“Honest man? I am an honest man, Sam.” Cas looked confused.

“He means if we get hitched, married, tie the knot.”

“Oh. I’m afraid we couldn’t wear white as tradition - “

“Oh Jesus Christ, Cas!” Dean shouted. He immediately covered his eyes in embarrassment. Sam and Mary just burst into giggles and eventually Dean broke and joined them.

My family, Cas thought to himself. What did I get myself into?

alec without a jacket could mean two things either a) he took it off himself and put it somewhere around magnus’ loft which means he is comfortable enough at magnus’ that he can just casually do whatever he wants or b)magnus took it off of him while they were mutually flirting and buddy i don’t know about you but both options make me want to jump off a window

Witch Flight/Spirit Travel

Flying is simultaneously one of the easiest things and one of the hardest things to learn in witchcraft.
Witches fly.
That simple statement has driven perfectly good witches insane. They think they should be able to fly easily, and when they cannot, they break. They think that all their learning and practicing should make it work, but it won’t.
Each witch learns in their own time. You can’t force the process.
Flying was one of the first skills I learned. It was very natural for me at first, but I started to psych myself out and it became difficult. When I learned a few key things, it became easy again. Now there is hardly a day that I don’t fly somewhere (after all, who has the money to travel somewhere to talk to someone, especially when you can just fly there and drop off a message yourself).
One of the first things I want to put out there is that spirit flight is not quite the same as something like guided meditation is. Same aspects in that you’ll see, touch, smell, etc. things, but different in that you’re not looking to go inside yourself, rather outside yourself.
The hardest part for a lot of people is the beginning stage, when you leave your body. The best advice I can give for this is to let go. Let go of the control over your body and mind. Let go of the things that weigh you down. Let your bliss, your want, and your spirit, carry you up and out.  
Try to move, but without your body. Don’t imagine it, just do it. Unfortunately, It’s not something I can aptly describe. 
Many people insist on flying while laying down. I say do what feels right. Lay down, sit up, stand on your head, whatever works. Although, flying while standing up could prove hazardous or unsuccessful, especially if you’re just beginning.
The way I fly is in a meditative state. It’s a sort of half sleep. Not fully conscious, but not fully unconscious. I try not to fall asleep because I often either slip back into my head or I lose control over the experience. Many witches prefer to fly while they sleep, though. It all depends on the witch and their tastes.
Some use ointments, some don’t. I used to use a mint oil on my forehead and the nape of my neck. Nowadays, I use nothing. Some witches won’t fly without the aid of their handy belladonna and mandrake ointment. Oils and ointments are another discussion entirely though, so I’ll hold off on that.
When you leave your body, all you have to do to travel is to will yourself to specific places. Know where you want to go, and make it happen.
Try not to venture too far within your first few times. Move around wherever your body is, or travel to some place familiar. You don’t want to get lost. Getting lost and not finding your way back is a sad possibility. I see a lot of websites saying that it’s impossible to get hurt while you’re out of your body. Folklore and witch stories say otherwise.
As you fly more, you’ll learn more. You’ll learn tricks while you’re out and about, but before that you need to learn how to get back.
Try to find your way back to where you began, or back to your body. It’s a slower process, but it’s the best for when you’re starting out. As you get a bit more acquainted with the sensations, you’ll learn to snap back into your body. One of the best methods I’ve found to bring yourself back is to think of your feet. It’ll bring you back down. Snap back into yourself with caution, though. It’s easy to leave a piece of you somewhere or get disoriented. And retrieving those lost pieces isn’t nearly as easy as losing them. 
And the last question I know all witches have, “How do I know that I’m not imagining it all?” There are little things that happen that will alert you to if it’s real or not. I’ll give you an example. I once managed to project while fully conscious, and to prove it to myself that I was indeed doing it, I whispered in someone’s ear with my specter. They turned around to see who was behind them. I was floored. Given, that’s a more flashy example, but there are others. Let’s say you leave your body to get information. When you come back, ask yourself if there was any other way for you to know the information you just gathered. Test yourself. 

When you’re ready, let go of everything, including the doubt and fear, and let your spirit soar.

Good luck and Happy Flying!

hi. it’s la'shaunae
im in a very toxic and verbally abusive environment and im scared that ill hurt myself soon if i dont leave.
i cant find work (so pls dont send mean anons telling me not to “beg” online)
ive been trying very hard to sell my clothes but im still not really making money from that
and i do not know what else to do but i trust all of my online friends
ive been stressed and crying almost 80% of the day EVERY night and i just want to be more happier for once
ive been trying to get noticed online by modeling companies but i have been unsuccessful with that.
just donating a lil will add up eventually
i gave my family all that i had and now im left with nothing and not getting help
my bank account was closed bc of my hospital bills putting me in debt
im gnna save up in my paypal (bc my bank account closed) to move out
i dont know where the fuck ill go but ill have somewhere to go thats not here.

luhshawnay@yahoo.com
or
paypal.me/luhshawnay

So I just want to point out that Magnus’ red couch seems to be in his bedroom due to the curtains and window ledge:

except the original bedroom set seems to not have allowed room for a couch, suggesting they might have widened it after the picture was taken or something? but anyway, given these two items, i just want to say that there’s a possibility, however distant, of Alec and Magnus making out on that couch and then moving onto the bed and continuing there.

What You Want

baby i got it

Words: 1616

Prompt: “You keep trying to set him up, and somewhere along the way, you realize you’re in love with him.”

—————————————-

“Come on, it’s just one date!”

“I said I don’t want to.”

You sighed, crossing your arms as you put on your “Best Friend Voice.”

“Come on, Lin, please? For me?”

His expression wavered then, softening around the edges, and for a moment it almost seemed sad, eyes soft and pleading.

“She’s a really great girl, I promise,” you said quietly, stepping forward to wrap your arms around him, fingers digging into the fabric of that damn gray sweater.

“Okay.”

The response was soft, woven into something you might have called bittersweet, and you barely caught what came next.

“But only for you.”

———————————–

“That bad, huh?”

He slinked in the doorway, shoulders slumped and posture heavy, as if his body could barely hold itself up.

“Its three a.m.”

“Then it can’t have been that bad.”

He looked at you then, sharply, but you could see his mouth begin to twitch at the corners, threatening to pull itself into a smile.

“She wouldn’t let me leave.”

“You’re a grown man, Lin.”

He threw himself on the couch at that, body seeming to melt into it, exhaustion melding his body to the faux leather.

“She just kept talking. I didn’t want to be rude.”

“Her boobs were great though.”

You heard a small huff at that, and his laughter seemed to seep into you, lessening the tension in your shoulders.

“Not as great as yours.”

And, all right, he really had that slap coming.

———————————–

“Come on, Lin, I swear, they wont all be that bad.”

“She kept rubbing my legs with her feet underneath the table!”

“She seemed so nice at work!”

You threw your arms in the air at that, and he couldn’t take it any longer, dissolving into giggles as you huffed, trying to maintain your composure, but one look at him and you lost it, shoulders shaking alongside his in the dim light of your shared apartment.

You wiped your eyes with the pad of your thumb, laughter fading as you watched him, braced against the kitchen counter, cheeks pink and eyes bright.

When you finally spoke, it was soft, so quiet you were hardly convinced you had spoken at all.

“I just want you to be happy.”

His response wasn’t immediate. You felt the silence between you, thick, one beat, then two. He never spoke. Just turned, slowly, and grabbed his jacket, unfolding it from the back of the chair and shrugging it on.

“Don’t wait up for me, honey,” he joked, but you heard the exhaustion in his words, quiet resignation, and you don’t know what you wanted, but this sure isn’t it.

You wonder when it started to feel like this. Sending him off, almost, instead of letting him go. He’d stay if you asked him too. Part of you wonders why you’re so afraid to ask him to. Another part of you, the part that knows heartbreak all too well, the part of you that could tell someone, by perfect memory, the exact brand of toothpaste he uses, the smell of his shampoo, whispers back, “he’s the only person who’d break you if he left.”

———————————–

“I can’t believe you talked me into this,” he muttered as he slipped his tie on, nimble fingers working quickly as he spoke.

“Lin, come on. The last one wasn’t so awful!”

He shook his head, mouth quirking downward slightly, arranging itself carefully into a pout.

“It wasn’t great either.”

“Lin.”

He looked up at you then, and you stepped forward, grabbing his suit jacket and holding it out for him. You saw it then, the moment it appeared, the quiet resignation in his eyes, and you hated it. It burned, slipping down your throat to nestle in your chest, hot and bright and blinding, and you shifted.

“Maybe…”

You cleared your throat.

“Maybe we could stay in tonight. Dust off those old West Wing dvd’s, huh?”

You were floating, drifting, a million miles away, and then he smiled, and you felt it, the shift in your chest, like everything had aligned, right here and now, in this perfect moment. He smiled at you, and you wondered when it started to feel like coming home.

———————————–

From: Lin

SOS

Your phone dinged from across the room, chirping softly in the darkness. You sat up blearily rubbing your eyes.

To: Lin

Seriously? What’s wrong with this one?? I went to BED.

It took a moment for him to reply, and your eyes fluttered close, relishing the silence, before-

Two chirps, the sound echoing in the quiet of your bedroom. You groaned.

From: Lin

It’s like ten o'clock, why are you asleep.

From: Lin

Whatever, I need you to get me out of here.

You let out a low moan, cursing life, before you stumbled out of bed, hands fumbling in the darkness for a sweater.

To: Lin

I’m on my way.

To: Lin

You owe me. Big time.

———————————–

You pulled up to the restaurant, rubbing your eyes tiredly, before you stepped out of the car, shuffling into the darkness. The wind bit at you, sharp and cool, and you tugged your sweater around you tightly, wrapping your arms around your waist before you stepped inside.

Moaning at the sudden warmth, you scanned the room, arms dropping back to your sides, before you spotted him.

Oh, god, poor Lin. He looks miserable.

Your eyes catch on his frame, tracing his silhouette, before you shake your head, feet dragging you towards their table.

“What the fuck, Lin?”

The words roll off your tongue, sharp and angry, and you hardly have to dredge up any heat before you’re tense, shoulders pulled tight and back ramrod straight. Something about the sight of him, body curled around her like that, tucked close in the same side of the booth, sets your blood boiling.

“Hey, what are you-”

You turn to the girl then, gaze sharp as she watches you, wide eyed and beautiful, and if that doesn’t just make what you’re about to do so much easier.

“That’s my husband, you bitch.”

The words seem to fall from your lips before you can think, and you grab Lin’s arm.

“Oh my god, I had no idea, I-”

“Of course you didn’t. Wouldn’t be the first time.”

You caught sight of him then, face red, lip between his teeth as he tried desperately to hold in his laughter, and you feel your lips twitch.

Laughing time later, you remind yourself. Lin needs you.

“Get the fuck out of here,” you say, voice cold, arm shooting out to gesture at the door as the other curled loosely around Lin’s wrist.

She scurried from the booth faster than you had thought humanly possible, eyes to the floor, and then she’s gone, slipping into the night without a glance behind her.

You plop into the seat beside Lin, grabbing a french fry off his plate.

“So. Whatcha wanna do now?”

———————————–

Good things don’t last forever.

“I’m sorry, what?”

Lin swallowed, voice thick with confusion.

“This one… wasn’t so bad?”

Your heart stuttered in your chest, and you took a deep breath, inhaling shakily through your nose.

“She, uh. She was nice,” he continued, “Funny. I had a good time.”

“That’s. That’s great!”

You smile, but it doesn’t quite reach your eyes. Jesus, you wanted this. You thought you wanted this, why don’t you want this?

“Are you… gonna go out with her again?”

Your voice shook then, just slightly, wavering for half a second, and you wanted to slap yourself. God, get it together. You wanted this.

“Hey, are you okay?”

“Just peachy!”

You wanted this, you wanted this you wanted thi-

“Tell me not to.”

When he speaks, his voice shakes too, low and desperate, and it’s the same face that begged you not to make him leave, that holds you when you cry, that shows up at three a.m. when you can’t sleep with a Kanye CD, declares an “emergency dance party”, makes you dance till you cant anymore, till your limbs go shaky and your breath turns ragged.

You squinted, eyebrows pulling together as you peered at him, standing in the kitchen with bare feet and tousled hair, and you can’t help but think you’ve never been more in love with him.

Oh.

“Tell me not to.”

You stared on, his voice tinny in your ears, eyes trained on the way his throat bobbed when he swallowed. Has he always been this beautiful?

“Give me a reason to stay.”

It’s soft when he says it, voice cracking in the middle, both hands fisted in his pockets, but you hear all the things he isn’t saying, things he’s never said, and then you’re crossing the kitchen in two long strides before he can blink, hands reaching forward to fist in his hair, and your mouth is on his, and he isn’t kissing you, he isn’t kissing you back, oh god, why isn’t he-

He’s crying.

Oh.

Maybe you were wrong. Maybe he has said it before. Maybe you just never heard.

“I love you,” you say, softly, and you reach forward to brush your lips against his cheek.

“I love you.”

You don’t leave an inch untouched, the freckle on his nose, the hollow of his throat, the crinkle of his eye.

“I love you.”

His ear, his collarbones, the corner of his lips catch on yours, and you’re breathless, dizzy, drunk on exhilaration and too many kisses.

“I love you.”

It’s not you who speaks this time. He’s still crying, but it’s quiet, beautiful, and his mouth is stretched wide, teeth showing through, and you want to kiss him again.

God, do you want to kiss him again.

So you do.

Then one more time. For good measure.

… Maybe you were wrong

Maybe, all along, this is what you really wanted.

  • Person: U ok?
  • Me: Is Eleven alive or dead is Mike ever going to see her again I just want him to take her to the Snow Ball they’re so precious protect those munchkins at all cost why is Hopper putting food in that box does that mean he’s reaching Eleven and she’s alive or was that a one time thing and he’s just hoping she’s out there somewhere is Hopper playing both sides with Hawkins bc he’s the lost knight and Eleven is the proud princess or maybe Jonathan is the lost knight and Nancy is the proud princess are the weird flowers in the cave representing the eggs that Hopper found in the Upside Down was the demogorgon a lab experiment gone wrong or apart of Eleven’s psyche the theories are literally endless is Dr Brenner still alive how much has Will changed after being in the Upside Down is he an incubator for baby demogorgons idk if I like Steve and Nancy being together bc I love Jonathan with Nancy will Barb ever get justice
  • Me: Haha yeah I’m good

Concept: Philip Shea loves wearing Highlighter and occasionally loves doing make up- especially costume make up. But if he’s going out somewhere fun like a club or something he’ll just pop on some gold on his cheek bones and on his nose. maybe put a little glitter in his hair