i just want to know why so i can avoid the cause

anonymous asked:

I know that this isnt what this blog is for, but do you know how to deal with relapse?

First, I just want to let you know that it’s okay to relapse! The fact that you’re even reaching out to us means that youre already trying to push past it, which is so brave.

Some people may think that relapsing means that they failed somehow, and that just isn’t true. They (and you!) may just need additional treatment and support.

I found a link with resources that might help you. I don’t know what you’re relapsing back into, so this link is specifically about drug and alcohol addiction, but I think it has a lot of good information regarding any type of relapse.


I think one of the most important points it brings up is being able to recognize WHY you relapsed. What caused it? How can you avoid those triggers in the future?

I really hope this helps, anon!


Q: Query Fails - Top Ten Pet Peeves

If you follow all the submission guidelines, you’re already off to a better start than most!  But not everything that can hurt your cause is listed in a rulebook, so I want to give you a heads-up so you can avoid stepping in any of these puddles.  Here are my top ten query pet peeves, in no particular order:

  1. Mass email submission. If I’m just one in a long list of email addresses on the CC list, your query will get deleted without being read.  If you couldn’t even be bothered to query me individually, why should I grace you with an individual rejection letter?  On that note, this is a great reason why you should always at least greet agents by name when you query them.  It only takes a second, and it lets them know you didn’t just mass query with the BCC button.
  2. The “imagine” pitch or second-person pitch.  I don’t want to imagine your story, or picture myself in your story–I want to know about your story and the characters who are actually in it. I know who I am; tell me who they are and how they react to the situations you’re describing.
  3. Asking me to publish your work.  This demonstrates a lack of the most basic research. We are an agency, not a publisher.
  4. You self-published and now you’re looking for an agent for the same project.  Unless your self-published work has sold in very substantial numbers, this is not a good move. I get a lot of queries from people who say they self-published three months ago and are now looking for representation, presumably because self-publishing was not the goldmine they expected it to be. You should have done your research before you self-published, buddy. Choosing between traditional publishing and self-publishing is a business decision, and you should go into it with all of the consideration and awareness you would use for any business decision.
  5. Making excuses for not following submission guidelines, or for querying when I’m closed, or for not having a bigger platform, or for any other reason. Either you are doing something you know you shouldn’t be (in which case: don’t) or you are hurting your cause by describing what you don’t have instead of what you do.
  6. Overnight delivery of mailed queries.  Less a peeve and more of a concern for the mindset of these authors. Why are you spending so much money on getting this query to me ASAP? It’s still going to the back of the queue, same as any other query. I’m not going to look at it any faster.
  7. 5+ completely disparate bestseller comp titles.  I’ve said this before: there is such a thing as overselling yourself.  Citing 2-3 comp titles that truly pertain to your work is a great idea. Describing your novel as being just as brilliant as 5 or more bestsellers is a stretch. I once got a query where the author compared his novel to The Phantom of the Opera, Annie, The Secret Life of Bees, The Higher Power of Lucky, and Hoot all in one breath–and none of it even related to the content of his story.
  8. Requerying the same manuscript and not specifying that it’s been heavily reworked.  If I’ve already passed on your story but later you heavily revise it, I’m always happy to take another look!  But you have to let me know in the query that it’s been reworked.  If your query letter doesn’t specify, I’m going to assume that either you forgot I’d already passed, or you thought I’d forget I’d already read it. Neither is a good option, and I won’t reread the material.
  9. Specifically asking for editorial assistance, or stating outright that it is a first or early draft or otherwise unpolished work.  I am not a freelance editor; I am an agent, and I am looking for publishable material.  You shouldn’t be querying agents until you are sure your manuscript is in the best shape you can make it.  Will it be perfect?  Of course not, and you should assume that agents will still have editorial suggestions if they take on your work.  But if you know it’s really not ready yet, you need to find someone to workshop it with who is not an agent.
  10. “Guaranteed: it’s the best [fill in the blank] you’ll read all year.” I doubt that.

Anytime I see those posts that talk about, “Don’t rely on people for happiness.” it never quite sits right with me, because I always read it as, “Always make yourself happy and don’t expect others to do it.” But there are times when I’m down for the count, and I want someone to help me and comfort me. Which is why relying on them to pick me up and make me happy again so I can keep going isn’t always a bad thing. Because you know what? Picking myself up by myself isn’t always the best option, cause without someone helping me up, keeping an eye on me, and helping me to start walking again, I might just fall into another fucking mud pit, because I’m too focused on the mud pit I just crawled out of, and no one was around to help me avoid the next mud pit.


Original Request: An imagine where Dean leave the reader for Lisa and she walk away? And then he discover himself thinking about her always? So he tries to get the reader back but she is now a demon cause the night she left make a deal to stop feeling the pain? 

  „No, no, you know why? Because every damn time I see you, I think of Sammy. I can’t do this anymore“, Dean yelled, his face dead-serious.

Outraged you stood up from your chair, facing him.

„So, you just want me to leave, while you have a nice and happy life with Lisa? Is that it?“
You couldn’t believe what he had just told you. After all you had been through, after all you had survived together, he just wanted to leave.

„Dean, are you sure this is still about Sam?“, you asked. „I miss him, too, you know.“ You tried to look him in the eyes, but he kept on avoiding your gaze.
„Because if you don’t love me, just tell me. If you really love her more than you love me, then tell me, so I can get the fuck out of here and stop wasting my time with you.“
For a few seconds it was silent, before Dean took a deep breath, finally looking at you.
But instead of explanations, instead of any kind of reasonable discussion, he just repeated the sentence with which everything had began.
„I will go to Lisa and Ben.“
Completely furious, you blinked away your tears. You would not show weakness. Not in front of him.
„Goodbye, Dean“, you shouted , before just storming out of the motel.
You didn’t have a car, you didn’t have money. The only things you had were your weapon, and two fake credit cards, you had found in the pockets of your jacket.
„Will have to do“, you murmured, before walking away from the motel, away from Dean, at last letting the tears run down your face.


He had been with Lisa for a few months now. But the more time had passed, he thought more and more about (y/n). He knew it had been a mistake to leave, especially like this. His conscience stung him terribly.
Just like he couldn’t forget hunting, monsters and demons, he could not forget her.

He loved Ben and Lisa. He really did. But he loved her, too. In a completely different way.
It had been stupid to leave. Dean asked himself every day anew, why he had left her, even though he already knew the answer.
His life had been a mess, with his brother in hell, and he just wanted to get away from everything.
Including her.

And now he was angry. Angry at those damn angels, angry at everything that brought him here, but most of all, he was angry at himself. He had managed to do it again.
The one person who would have been able to get him through all of this, had been (y/n). And he had left her.

And this was the day he had packed his stuff, and went away, out searching her.

Dean felt horrible for leaving her and Ben like this. He should have never come in the first place. It was like an endless repition with them. He came, just to leave again. He gave them hope, gave Ben someone to rely on, only to drive away again a few months later. But the longer he stayed, the harder it would become to leave. Staying would be better for Ben. But it felt wrong to him, to stay, while his mind was somewhere else completely.
That was not what they deserved. Ben and Lisa deserved so much better than what he had to offer to them, with his thoughts filled with (y/n).

So, after a heavy argument with Lisa, he got into his Impala and just drove off.

Dean had tried to call (y/n) several times in the last weeks, but she hadn’t answered a single one of his calls. Every motel he checked in, he looked for any sign of her. Names, cases, anything.
But to his great exasperation, his search remained unsuccessful.
The country was big, and if she didn’t want to be found, she knew how to do it.
Finally Dean had called Bobby, who reluctantly had given him the information he needed. According to Bobby she had been silent for a few months, until one day she had called him, just to tell him she was alright. Dean somehow knew that this wasn’t everything, but Bobby did not seem to be too fond of telling more.

„Something is not right with her“, Bobby had said. „Look out for her.“

Since the first time she had called, Bobby had talked to her at least once every month.
Hence, he knew where to find her.
And soon enough, Dean was on his way to Austin, Texas.

Dean was sure, that this was the most dirty motel he had ever seen. Alone by looking at it, he could feel the dust mites climbing over his skin.
She had used a false name, still, Dean knew her well enough to recognise her aliases. After the receptionist – who seemed to find his porno magazines far more interesting than his customers – had surprisingly given him willingly her room number, Dean went upstairs, to knock on her door.

Before he could even finish this action, he heard the noise of a turning lock, and through the already slightly rotten door, he could hear her muffled voice. Oh, how he had missed her voice. „Come in.“

Slowly Dean opened the door, to find her in the dirty room, knife in her hands. She looked tired, exhausted, somehow older than when he had first left her.

In the next second he could hear the knife falling down to the floor, as she realised who had just come inside her room.


„You should go.“
Dean looked at you, completely disbelieving. „No“, he said, not moving an inch.
You just shrugged. „Why not? Worked the last time, too.“
Dean clenched his teeth. You definitely had the right to be furious at him.
„Because I need you, (y/n).“ Immediately you scoffed.

„I don’t think that you do. I think it’s quite the opposite, Dean.“ You had turned your back to him, watching the dust dancing freely in the light that shone through the dirty window instead.
„Suddenly you need me.“ You laughed dryly at the irony in this. „But you know, maybe it’s too late for that now.“
Dean grabbed your shoulder and swung you around hard. You cursed yourself. You hadn’t even realised that he had come closer.
„Do not say that“, he said dangerously slow, looking into your eyes, searching for an answer.
„I know I fucked up, and I know this is not the first time. I don’t expect you to forgive me right now, I just thought-“

„Fuck off, Dean.“ You tried to get away, but he grabbed your arm. „You know what? Be mad at me however long you want, but I’m not going away. Not this time around.“
Instead of an answer, you scoffed stubbornly, shoving your arm away from his grip and trying harder than you wanted to admit to keep your tears from escaping.
Slowly you closed your eyes, breathing deep. Steadily you got ready for what would come next. For when you opened them again, the colour of your eyes had vanished and yielded a dark black.
Immediately Dean backed away.

„You’re a demon?“ Again you blinked, turning your eyes back to your normal (e/c) colour.
You nodded, looking straight at him. You were almost surprised by how cold you felt on the inside.

„Yes, Dean.“
Dean didn’t seem to understand. How could he. You had needed quite some time yourself.

„But, why? What happened?“
„You happened, Dean!“ Like that, you lost your cool once more, hands running frustratingly through your hair, you tried to convey how much he had hurt you through your gaze. Dean’s facial expression became unbelieving, his mouth stood slightly agape.
„You happened.“ Your voice had become quiet and your eyes trailed to the floor.
„The night you left me, Dean, I was fucking dead in the water, okay?“
You lifted your gaze, so you could look directly into his eyes.
„Losing Sam was not just hard for you, okay?“ Dean closed his mouth, clenching his jaw.
„In less than a week I lost all the family that I had left. I needed you, Dean. But you weren’t there anymore.“ You swallowed down your uprising anger to calm your voice, before speaking on. This time your voice was quiet, nearly achieving a controlled and businesslike tone.
„So I made a deal.“

„A deal?“ Finally Dean broke of his silence. „How could you do that? What the hell went through your head?“

„Look who’s talking.“ Dean didn’t dwell on this, but instead ran a hand roughly through his hair. „What kind of deal?“

„I wanted to stop feeling the pain“, you stated dryly.
Dean nodded, his face belied. „So you chose the cowards way.“

You flinched at his hard words, your anger welling up at the accusation.
„I chose the cowards way, Dean? And what did you do? You ran away. You ran away, and you know it.“ You said in a voice dripping with hurt. You hated how you kept showing him how much influence he’d had on you when it had taken him nothing to leave, but everytime you recalled that moment, that one moment when you felt like the world had stopped spinning for you and joy was a feeling that would never reach your heart again you couldn’t help it.
You turned around, taking a deep breath. „But, yeah. If you want to see it like that, then I chose the cowards way.“
„Did it work?“

Now it was your time to clench your jaw. „Let’s say, I had enough pain to distract me from this one. I was in hell, Dean. You know what they like to do with people that are friends with the Winchesters.“

Dean nodded. “Yeah. I know.” He turned his back at you, looking at the door. You knew that he would react like this. And you knew you would have reacted the same way if it would be him having made the deal.

“I can’t believe you did this”, he suddenly said into the silence. His voice sounded extremely exhausted. Wearily, he turned back to you, opening and closing his mouth, as if he were searching for words, but just couldn’t find the right ones.
“Neither can I”, you finally whispered back. You were looking straight at him. Suddenly a strong feeling of sadness – and even worse regret – overwhelmed you. You had never wanted this to happen.

Slowly Dean stepped closer, running a hand through his hair. „We can fix this“, he finally said, his voice hoarse, his eyes searching your face.
„Yeah? And how?“
Dean shook his head. „I don’t know. But we always found a way, (y/n), this time we will, too.“
„How can you be so sure“, you asked, but quickly found a more important question. „How do I know that you won’t run off again?“
Slowly Dean wrapped his arms around you. He pressed you against his chest, letting you rest there, letting you feel that he meant it.
„I can’t lose you again. I was an idiot, a complete asshole. Sammy was gone, I couldn’t think straight, okay? I just wanted to get away from all this. But I never really wanted to get away from you.“
You turned around to look at him. He was still holding you, your hands rested on his chest. You searched for his gaze, that this time, did not avoid yours.

And finally you couldn’t help yourself anymore but to start sobbing heavily.
God, you had missed him.
Tightly he pulled you closer against his chest, whispering in your ear, until you calmed down again.
„We can do this. And we will. Together.“

requested by @lachicadelamanzana
Here you go, love :)

tbh i think it’s so sad that the immediate message we need to spread around after bts makes an instagram is to ask fans to please be appropriate and not send sexual messages to the group… like how can you not understand that sending them disgusting and sexual messages is NOT okay?? Why do we literally need to spell that out? How would you feel if people you don’t personally know were saying those things about you to your face? Idk I just hope that these messages get through to people because i would never want the boys to feel uncomfortable while trying to connect with us and be close with us. The only thing that will do is drive them away and cause them to avoid the social media outlets they use to show their real selves to us and i really, truly hope that doesn’t happen.