EXO 101: A Crash Course
Soft baby by day, sexy mofo by night. Can do everything?? Sing, rap, dance, cook, act, write and produce music, play the guitar (classical, spanish, lead, and rhythm omg) and the piano and the drums, has the body of an elf king. He’s also AMAZING with children as shown [here - skip to 12:17 and WATCH you won’t regret it] and dogs too! All animals really. He’s Korean Snow White. With abs. And if Snow White was extra.
Also the kindest soul ever. He’s always smiling, even when he’s down. He literally said, and I quote; “No matter how difficult something is, I will always be positive and smile like an idiot.” His then-girlfriend nicknamed him “Happy Virus.” Constantly buys his members gifts, is very tall (well over six feet), and he’s the most extroverted and sociable person - actually friends with everyone. 10/10 amazing human.
Don’t let him fool you!!! He looks soft but he will fuck you up with his cheeky lil smile and pelvic sorcery and unearthly vocals and uGH. His wit is unparalleled like omg, so sassy and hilarious and sharp. Also a huge nerd when it comes to anime, manga, and video games. Once gave a picture of himself to another member as a gift, the lil shit.
He’s incredibly passionate about his career and his members, and I think it was Kyungsoo who said that it’s Baek who keeps them all together at times. In summary: Byun Baekhyun is what happens when a demon and an angel do the do.
Do Kyungsoo? More like Do Me, Kyungsoo.
I’m sorry I’m so thirsty Ksoo…I don’t even know where to begin with this one. First of all, he single-handedly saved the human race from extinction with his voice. He’s savage af, so much so that he’s affectionately nicknamed “Satansoo” and he will smack a bitch. He’s also so soft and squishy at the same time, you’ll get whiplash. And his acTING. Lord in heaven. And I believe he didn’t even have acting lessons?? The nerve of him. He, too, is sex on legs, and he might be quieter than the others, but y’all best listen when he talks cause boy bout to spill the tea.
He’s also very paternal in that he takes care of the other members a lot, like when Kai, his roommate, isn’t feeling well, he’ll care for him or go out to get food for him. And he can cook really well. I’m gonna stop now before I end up writing an entire dissertation ;’)
ALSO NOT PURE ABORT ABORT THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh my god. Anyway. Zhang Yixing is the perfect contradiction. On the one hand, he’s an actual baby lamb - laugh and all. On the other hand, he’s the human embodiment of the NC-17 rating. Like, hide yo kids. Yixing is also one of the Chinese members of EXO, so he often leaves to promote his solo music which is in Chinese, and he works so incredibly hard and deserves all the success. He also writes the lyrics, and composes and arranges the music!
And…his dancing. Proof that god exists. There is literally no part of his body that Yixing does not have absolute command over - and you can see it because he is so precise, confident, and sexy. :’)
I actually had to cover his face while writing this because holy–
Yup. Moving on.
Actually, back to his face (and the rest of him): Remember when Da Vinci was conceptualizing the Vitruvian Man (lol only 90′s kids will remember…1490′s kids, that is). You know that picture of the guy with another pair of arms and legs superimposed on him, inside a circle? The drawing theorizing the ideal proportions of the human body? Yup, true story: Junmyeon was Da Vinci’s muse. Suho’s face is so symmetrical, it inspired mathematicians to write the golden ratio. He is a genetic miracle, a statistical outlier, a national treasure–
Anyway *sweats*. ALSO. Let’s talk about his personality. Myeon is the mom of EXO, the leader, so he’s naturally very parental. He actually chose the stage name “Suho” because it means guardian. He always does his best to keep
his kids the members together and doing what they need to be doing. Always pays for things ($Junmoney$), and is the person a lot of them confide in and go to for comfort or advice, especially Sehun.
He’s such a dad too - like his dad joke ratings are off the charts. 10/10 would build you a tree house and tuck you in at night.
Maknae. Icon. Legend. Used to have a lisp.
People sometimes think he’s cold or reserved because of his face, but as you can see in the gif, he’s literal sunshine. He once cried on stage because he was knocked on the head by a camera - but he wasn’t crying because the injury hurt, he was crying because he wasn’t allowed to perform because of it, and he felt like he was disappointing his fans. He also cried during a radio show when asked about his other members - he said every night before he falls asleep, he prays for them and he prays that they all stay together and are successful and happy. And now I’m crying.
Everyone is in love with him.
His dancing resurrected me from the dead, put my children through college, and ended world hunger because damn we are fed when that boy moves.
Sehun was once invited to Paris for a Louis Vuitton fashion show and became king of France. I’m not kidding. All he did was show up, and there was a huge crowd already there to greet him as if he were royalty, and he was voted best dressed at the show by Vogue. He went to the Louvre, and people were studying and appreciating him, the actual art.
Ah, little dino bby. He’s iconic for many reasons:
1) His smile. It curls up at the corners like this :}
2) When he laughs, he literally goes HAHAHAHAHA like wow, amazing, I want this as my ringtone
3) He screams a lot. Nickelodeon once made a show about him called Jongdae: The Last Pterodactyl.
4) HIS VOCALS. Un-freaking-believable. He’s the male version of Mariah Carey.
5) Speaks really good Chinese! (He’s Korean)
6) An amazing human?? He donates to charity so often and he doesn’t do it for publicity either. He takes good care of the other members too.
Jongdae, let me put a ring on it.
HERE WE GO. My precious boy :’)
Minseok. The eldest. Also known as the best person to ever exist. Like Kyungsoo, he doesn’t talk much because he’s a shy lil bean, but once he warms up to you, the things that come out of his mouth are so deep and cute and funny and wowow I want ten of him
Is the least likely to cry
Was chubby (and so adorable!!) as a little kid, and now he has a six pack. Because of his weight as a kid though, he has spoken many times about the issue of body shaming and how people’s perceptions of a person shift based on how they look. He once said these words that made my cold, dead heart beat again: “I don’t have an ideal type. If our hearts match well, then she will look pretty to me.”
Has the strongest arms in EXO. They all arm wrestled and he won and it was the funniest thing ever.
Is not only an idol, he’s also getting his Ph.D. Dr. Kim. I can’t believe….
Wants to open his own coffee shop, and I don’t drink coffee, but I would chug any dish-water-coffee-grinds-filth that he would serve me because damn I love him.
The Bias Wrecker.
Or just your bias, plain and simple
Kim Jongin is one of nature’s greatest accomplishments. His gams are the eighth wonder of the world - and he puts them to use when he dances, like please kick me in the face with those omfg
His laugh. Astounding. Also don’t stand too close when he laughs because he will hit you. It’s just what he does lmao
He’s basically a hip young old man - so hot but so sleepy. He’ll sleep at any given opportunity.
Very fond of fried chicken. And dogs. But not in terms of eating, for the latter
Learned ballet for ten years and it shows, and I just wANT TO SEE HIM IN A LEOTARD DAMMIT
He has darker skin than the other members which people used to make fun of him for and still do comment on, but he says he loves it and he is proud of his body :’) we are too bby!!
Other random facts:
EXO originally had 12 members but 3 left and we’re not going to talk about it okay? okay
- Chen and Xiumin are
married best friends. Xiumin actually said in an interview that Chen is “like my wife”
- Sehun is now officially Lord Oh Sehun of Glencoe, Scotland because his fans are the most Extra and purchased the estate for his birthday :’)
- Chanyeol once folded one hundred paper cranes for his girlfriend as a gift, but in the middle of doing this, she called him and broke up with him
- Baekhyun can’t cook for shit but at least he’s pretty
- Kai dated F(X)’s Krystal
- Kyungsoo once said to the camera that he is “not pure”
- Yixing starred in a gay sci-fi movie where he and this other dude have a baby
- Suho is a health nut. Just like how girls always have pads and tampons on them, Suho has multivitamins
For @the-porcelain-doll-xo because I’m the friend that wants to drag you into hell with me, and I can’t wait for you to get into EXO ahhhhh ily <33