i just want to cry and eat

coololdsoulpoetlove  asked:

May I please have numbers 4 and 15 for Lafayette and John?

of course!

lafayette:

4. best places to kiss on their body 

kiss his shoulders. or kiss him on the lips. just go right for what he wants. 

15. what it takes to make them cry

if a loved one is hurt, he loses it. he sees herc, john, and alexander as his family. once alexander had to be hospitalized because he wasn’t eating enough and laf was crying so much. 

john:

4. best places to kiss on their body

his cheek, neck, and his collarbones. 

15. what it takes to make them cry

if someone he’s close to gets hurt, he cries. if there’s any sort of injustice (especially relating to the black lives matter movement), he cries. more frustrated tears. 

sometimes he gets homesick. he misses his siblings. he cries a lot in regards to them.

anonymous asked:

need meanspo bad, don't feel anorexic because I eat food and am overweight but I am fucked up anyways. I need self esteem crushing, make-me-cry and not eat for hours meanspo. Hit the core, hack at the roots meanspo. 5'4,132 lbs and just ate two bowls of chic ice cream and 3/4 box of Girl Scout cookies this morning.

Don’t worry hun i feel the same lately tbh and yea sure! <3

Of course you don’t feel anorexic, i mean you are fucking fat my dear and if you really wanted to be thin you would actually work for it! You ask me for meanspo to crush your self esteem but you wanna know something?? you should be doing that well enough by yourself; i mean why do you think people give you weird looks? why do you think your friends won’t pick you up? why do you think people are awkward around you?? IT IS BECAUSE YOU ARE FAT!! they are ashamed to hang around with you because other people are always judging the fat rolls on your body and how they seep out of your clothing, and it’s disgusting! you eat like a whale and don’t even have enough self control to do anything about it! Pathetic! i suggest you help yourself and everyone else by getting off your ass, drinking some water and doing some exercise!!

Hope that wasn’t too harsh sweet xx

Some Things Kent Parson Has Said to the Rookies While Drunk:

1. “My cat is more beautiful than all of you ugly fuckers combined and if you don’t think so then everyone can suck it and get out of my house,” then proceeded to cry into a random rookie’s arms for no particular reason.

2. “I just want to eat cereal out of the Cup again. I ask for so little–” (”Parser, you said if your future spouse doesn’t buy you a ring with a diamond that’s bigger than your face, you’ll blow your brains out.”) “……Get out of my house.” 

3. “See that guy over there? I’m going to climb him like a tree. Hold my drink.” (“No, Parser–”) “If I don’t come out of the bathroom in ten minutes, assume that I’ve died by dick–” (“Jesus, I’m taking you home.”)

4. “Fuck, I have to dance. It’s Britney. This is my moment.” (”Kent, please don’t–” Kent slaps the rookie’s hands away.) “My loneliness is killing me–don’t fucking touch me, James–

5. (Post-bar hopping. A rookie is petting Kent’s hair, hoping that he’ll go to sleep soon, but Kent shoots right up for a brief moment.) “You guys are the best teammates a guy can ask for. Thanks for taking me home. Please don’t leave me alone. I love everyone. Except you, James. But only because you used all my Nutella and put the jar back. You think I wouldn’t notice? What the fuck, man.”

BONUS +1, at the Parson-Mashkov wedding:
“You know, the diamond he got wasn’t the size of my face. But that’s okay, because he’s got a huge–” ( “Okay, Parser, we know, your husband has a huge fucking dick. Congrats.”) “What? No. I was going to say, ‘huge heart.’ You fucking sickos. Stop thinking about my husband’s penis.” (”We weren’t.”) “It is pretty fucking big though.” (”God, Parser, why would you–” All rookies and Kent chug their drinks.)

“How are you doing?”

The question kind of stops you. Because you’re okay. Your world is still spinning and you’re still smiling and you’re okay.

But then sometimes you’re not okay. Not even one little bit. And you don’t really sleep at nights because your bed is as empty as your arms. And there’s a space on your wall where his photo used to hang. And sometimes you can’t even eat because he’s gone and the sick feeling in your stomach just becomes a permanent part of you. And when you kiss someone new their lips are wrong and their hands don’t tug your hair and their body doesn’t feel quite right beneath your wandering hands. And sometimes you cry and you don’t think you’ll ever stop.

But you don’t say that. They don’t want to hear that. You just smile and say, “I’m okay I guess.”

—  Even when I’m okay, I’m not, 08/10/2016
The moon signs when they’re emotional

Aries: I’M GOING TO PUNCH A WALL!!!!!! WHY DOES EVERYONE HAVE TO BE OUT TO GET ME???? CAN’T I LIVE??? I’M SO UPSET AND WHY DOES NO ONE CARE??? MY EMOTIONS ARE THE #1 PRIORITY RN!!!! *blames someone else for their problems* (5 minutes later is over it)

Taurus: why life wHY?????? I didn’t want to mOVE today let alone CRY *crawls into a hole full of blankets and sobs into a bag of chips*

Gemini: oh lol whatever idk why my eyes are wet but I’m just gonna ignore this and hope it’ll go away tomorrow

Cancer: I just love to fEeEeEeL things :(((((( I’m going to cry and think about the reasons why I’m crying and maybe look at old pictures and write a poem and cry more *eats an entire carton of ice cream*

Leo: I can’t cRy in fRonT of PEOPLE!!! I have too much pRiDe!!!!! *throws head back and struts their stuff* (10 minutes later they have a dramatic emotional show just for the benefit of everyone else)

Virgo: am I actually feeling this or am I just projecting my feelings into this moment so that I can get them out? what do these feelings mean? what does the fact that I’m questioning my feelings mean? is that another feeling? is life even real? I hate myself I’m so INCOMPETENT *hysterical crying*

Libra: nOOOOO this means cONFLICT!!!!!! I can’t have this in my life!!!!!! maybe if I hold this in nothing will happen. I definitely won’t bother anyone else about it because that would be tOO MUCH FOR ME I can’t put burden on others

Scorpio: *has straight face* this is just another case of the darkness inside my soul

Sagittarius: haha WHATEVER!!!!!! gonna go run away from this bc who needs this kind of drama in life?!?!?! not me!!!!!!!! I’m fiiiiiine those aren’t tears it’s just a piece of dust in my eye

Capricorn: I need…to pull…myself…together….must…look…like…everything…is…normal… *has mental breakdown alone*

Aquarius: emotions???? I don’t have emotions lol what are those??? I’m aBOVE that so I’m just going to focus on the fact that society is so corrupted or something!!! there are way more important issues that MY feelings

Pisces: I…just CAN’T deal with life anymore…I need to eScApE I’m drowning in my own tEARS *sobs*

wonho appreciation

- Wonho using gender-neutral pronouns when talking about fans and protecting a transgender friend.
- Wonho taking the lead of his group during No.MERCY and leading them to victory thanks to his composing skill.
- Wonho crying telling his story about why he wanted to debut and the debt his parents were in.
- Wonho crying because he didn’t think he was good enough for his fans since Monsta X didn’t win.
- Wonho lying about eating in the car because he didn’t want fans to worry.
- Wonho’s face when he realised that they won at the MelOn Music Awards and Changkyun sitting with him after to comfort him because he was so emotional and moved.
- Wonho writing down the names of everyone on his hand for his speech because he didn’t want to forget anyone, thanking MONBEBE three times, and then going way over the time limit because he had so many people he was grateful to.
- Wonho not giving up on composing even though Starship keeps cockblocking his songs.
- Wonho always somehow comforting one of the other members or maintaining contact with them on broadcasts.
- Wonho always bowing 8000% degrees to anyone, juniors, seniors, fans, etc.
- Wonho admitting to writing posts about how good-looking he is anonymously on videos.
- Wonho being honest and realistic about his future goals for relationships and how he thinks that it shouldn’t be an obligation or social norm to have to marry.
- Wonho going on a date to his mother’s café with a Cookie Monster doll.
- Wonho informing MONBEBE about MBC stealing their choreo even though it was against huge odds for them, and hopefully protecting other groups in the future.
- Wonho !!!

@ everyone with intrusive thoughts

okay I’m not trying to invalidate anyone and their struggles but people really need to talk about intrusive thoughts that aren’t just stuff like “throw your cup across the room” or “eat this leaf” (even tho those must be stressful as well im sorry)

I’m talking about those gross, disgusting, violent thoughts that leave you awake at night afraid you’re going to slip up because it’s just a matter of time
Those thoughts that make you afraid to be alone in a room with anyone/anything you could possibly hurt
Those thoughts that leave you crying in the shower/puking over a toilet because they’re so disgusting and you must be a horrible person for even THINKING them
Those thoughts that make you want to kill yourself because it’s better than having to deal with them

People don’t talk about them enough and that’s why it’s so hard for people who suffer from them to realize that it’s not their fault it’s just the disorder
And to everyone who struggles with this: you’re so brave, I love you, and you’re going to get through this

Things Said While Playing Scary Games sentence starters

Since it’s a holiday I decided to give you something a little more light-hearted, just for the heck of it. Enjoy.

“Five foot zero and born to be a hero.”
“I’m a creepy little man.”
“Well, being alive was nice while it lasted.”
“Dasvidaniya, bitch.”
“Tell me, [character’s name], now when did you last let your heart decide?”
“*yelling* I CAN SHOW YOU THE WORLD.”
“Shining, shimmering, OH SHIT!”
“I’m creepin’ on the down low, leave me alone.”
“Butts and butts and more butts!”
“I eat monsters like you for brunch.”
“I don’t have a glass house, I have a glass castle. A glastle.”
“I’m punny as hell and you love me.”
“It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to.”
“MONSTER YOU WEREN’T INVITED.”
“I’m ready to FIGHT.”
“The monster just wants a hug.”
“Where did all of these naked men come from?”
“Ohhh I’m a huuuge douchebag, meh meh meh.”
“If this is a water level I’m going to eat my computer.”
“Water can suck a fuck.”
“I can’t see a god damn diddly darn thing.”
“THEY READ MY DIARY!”
“Hey assholes, the party has arrived!”
“Come and get me, nerds!”
“This is how I die.”
“I’m dead I’m dead I’m dead I’m dead.”
“Nevermind, I’m alive.”
“I don’t think that’s how you pronounce that word, [character’s name].”
“Come on, will something useful into existence.”
“This place offends all of my senses.”
“All I wanted was to sit and enjoy a nice relaxing evening, and then all HELL breaks loose.”

“How are you?”

The question kind of stops you. Because you’re okay. Your world is still spinning and you’re still smiling and you’re okay.

But then sometimes you’re not okay. Not even one little bit. And you don’t really sleep at night anymore because your bed is almost as empty as your arms. And there’s a space on your wall where his photo used to hang. And sometimes you can’t even eat because he’s gone and the sick feeling in your stomach just becomes a permanent part of you. And when you kiss someone new their lips are wrong and their hands don’t tug your hair and their body doesn’t feel quite right beneath your wandering hands. And sometimes you cry and you don’t think you’ll ever stop.
But you don’t say that. They don’t want to hear that. So you continue to smile and say “I’m okay.”

—  Except of a book I’ll never write

two years ago today i decided i was sick and tired of looking and feeling like a giant bloated walrus so i decided i had to change. i was just shy of 300 pounds. i couldn’t walk up the stairs without getting out of breath. the thought of exercising made me want to cry. i would eat 2-3 large plates of just pasta in one sitting and had zero idea about nutrition or anything. i’d constantly be made fun of, none of my clothes fit, i couldn’t dress the way i wanted to, and i just really really hated the way i looked and felt. 

since then, i joined the gym, and learned to love it. the gym is now what i’d consider my happy place. i love exercising. i love lifting weights, i love doing blogilates videos, i love swimming, hell, i’ve even learned to love cardio. i’ve learned what foods make my body feel good, and how to eat so i can still have treats and yummy things as well as healthy foods that make me feel great inside and out! i’ve lost 60+ pounds (it’s probably more around 70 lbs now, but i can never remember to weigh myself), lost 10+ inches all around, i can wear a size 14-16 now instead of an 18 (at one point i even had to wear a size 20 pair of jeans). i can wear the clothes i want to. i can lift things that weigh more than 2 pounds and i actually enjoy it!!! 

even though i still have “fat” moments and feel gross about myself, and moments where i still think i’m the size of the first picture, i think about how far i’ve truly come in only 2 years, and i realize that i’ve never felt so good about myself??? i still have a long ways to go to reach all my end goals, but i’m actually excited and hopeful about that now rather than feeling like i was going to be a 300 pound lardo for the rest of my life!!! 

if you’ve been thinking about taking the first steps to change your life and get healthier, whether it be losing weight, gaining weight, gaining muscle, or eating healthier, take this as a sign!!! start now!! JUST DO IT! your body will thank you, YOU will thank you.

I am screaming rn
I just watched the dinosaur cry episode and-
“can we just talk about this?”
“sportacus, can we just sit down and talk?”
“I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“I’m sorry.”
Robbie says all of this in the episode when he mistakenly thinks he scared sportacus and I’m just- this just fuels my sportarobbie shipping even more.
He doesn’t even hate him that much, he just wants everyone to be lazy, that’s it.
You two just make a fuckin peace treaty and allow kids to go outside, exercise and play, while also eating occasional sweets, junk food and over sleeping. Then you can both get on and be gay together.

hi I haven’t seen a lot of adhd positivity so here:
- you are in the LGBT+ community and have ADHD, u are valid
- you are a poc and have adhd, u are valid
- people ignore that u have adhd because you “get good grades”, u are valid
- rsd impacts your life like , a lot: u are valid
- you weren’t diagnosed until later in life: u are valid
- you are just beginning to be curious about if you have ADHD: welcome 2 the club u are valid
- you have dyslexia as well!! you’re doing your best my friend n u are valid
- hyperfocus is doin ya dirty, u are valid
- you forget you need to eat very often, you are valid and this is ur reminder to go eat please
- the way u stim annoys ppl around u and that makes u want to cry a lot, you are valid and I love u
- “okay, focus.” “okay” (2 minutes later) “what did I just say?” “sorry what?”, u are doing your best n ur valid
- “have you tried just focusing”, u are valid please ignore these people
- if u have adhd u are valid and trying ur hardest to focus I love u

You call it angry,
I call it scratching at myself until my skin tears. Lava boiling inside of me, like I’m about to snap any moment. Like I don’t have control over myself and I just want to hurt something. I call it shaky hands. I call it grinding my teeth together. Punching my thighs until they are covered in bruises. I call it screaming until my throat bleeds.

You call it sad,
I call it laying in my bed for two days, unable to eat. Crying until my eyes are swollen shut. Accepting the fact I am disgusting, worthless, unlovable. I call it taking ativan until I am so numb I forget I want to kill myself. I call it unable to talk, sleep, unable to function.

You call it happy,
I call it madly in love. Like I’m floating above everything. Nothing can hurt anymore. I call it giggling nonstop. Telling people I’m better now. Bragging about how flawless I am. I call it a rush of pure fulfilment.

You call them emotions,
I call them drowning. Because nothing is ever in between. I’m all or nothing. I don’t know any middles. Everything I feel is so strong it could knock me off my feet. I call it going from suicidal to content in an hour. I call it fucking exhausting.

—  Living with borderline personality
8

Sawamura Eijun  Seidou’s Mood Maker

Toe×Torn The Best Night of Our Lifes

(Sorry for acting like a a**hole the other day)

Tis was the night before Valentines day and the 3 Tord’s were up making plans for tommorw. Tordy was planning on taking Tommy some where to eat. Tord wanted to take Tom to his favorite bar. Torn hasn’t said anything at all. He just sat there arms crossed sitting up againg his wall on his bed. While Tordy and Tord were talking amongst themself Torn was thinking. “What the hell am I going to do? Well if he wouldn’t freak out and CRY ALL THE DAMN TIME MAYBE THIS WOULD BE EASIER!” He thought to himself getting frustrated.

“What are you going to do for Toe tommorw Torn?” He herd across the room. He looked over to see Tordy and Tord looking at him curiously. Torn began to panic not wanting to sound inconsiderate so ge quickly thought. “I-Im um.. Imma give him the best night of his life!” He said. Tord thought they were gonna have “fun” [insert Lenny face] so he just said ok and continued talking to Tordy.

-Later-

The 3 got tired and finally decided to lay down. “What am I gonna do?! Just think of something in the morning.” Torn thought to himself as he drifted off to sleep.

After everyone was awake Matt and Edd left to go on a date with some girls they met. Tordy took Tommy out to dinner and Tom and Tord left for the bar….. Only Torn….. Only Toe… Torn finally thought of something but it needs to be quick before sunset. He gets up and knocks on the 3 Tom’s door. Toe answered it crying like normal but the tears quickly went away after seeing it was Torn. “H-hi Torn…” Toe said sounding cute af. “H-hey Toe um… I wanna do something for you for Valentines day but you have to trust me..” Torn said. Toe was hesitant at first but noded. Torn took his hand and they left. They stopped outside a forest near by. “W-Why are we h-here?” Torn was quiet but quickly went into the forest holding onto Toes hand. Toe was scared and started crying. Torn herd his cries and immediately stoped.

“Hey..” Torn says huging Toe. Toe squirmed a little but stoped after a few seconds. “I’m here don’t cry.” He said again picking the smaller human up. Toe gasped from surprised and quickly wrapped his arms around Torn’s neck. He stopped crying. He felt safe in Torn’s arms. He relaxed and closed his eyes and let Torn carry him away. What seemed like 5 minutes later he herd Torn. “Open your eyes.” Toe does as he was told and looks around.

There were a big opening with a big lack curved and stretched past their view. Trees and beautiful flowers surrounding. Toe looked around in amazement stopping after Torn filled his full view. He looked up at Torn and Torn was looking at him smiling. Torn took his hand and lead him to a big rock with a flat but slightly tilted top. They both sat on it and toe continued to look around in his new prospective. Still had their fingers intertwined.

Torn quickly turned to Toe and kisses him deeply. Toe jumped at first but slowly calmed down and relaxed. Torn felt him relax and pulled the smol bean into his lap. They both enjoyed ever second of it… Until the a**hole known as air had to come along and split them apart. Panting, Toe opened his eyes to meet with Torns eyes. Toe blushed and looked away quickly. Feeling like he wanted to cry because he felt as if he shouldn’t have broke eye contact with him. “Hey this is my favorite part.” Torn said holding Toes hips and spinning him to face the other direction to have a perfect view of the sunset.

Torn wraped his arms around Toes torso as they sat there quietly watching the sun set behind the trees. It soon became dark and because its fooking February no fire flies were out. [Insert random musical sene]. They saw the moon rise and it was bright abd beautiful. They took a slow walk through the forest holding hands and Toe stayed close to Torns said and Torn didn’t mind. On the way home Torn stoped and picked up some peanut butter and peanut butter cookies. By time they got home Toes mouth was covered in peanut butter, all the cookies were gone, Toes whole hand was covered in peanut butter, and half the jar is empty. Torn wanted to say something about the mess but for once Toe was smiling so he kept quiet. “What did you two do?” Asked Tord. “Had the best night of our lifes!” Toe said excitedly.

- Moho says:OMG THIS IS SOO CUTE THANK YOU FOR PUTTING TOUR TIME INTO THIS!!!❤ {btw I was never mad at you but I accept your apology, YOURE NOT AN ASSHOLE!! 😵}

Originally posted by thecynicalcrayon

this is so thoughtful, I want to cry. Maybe it’s just me, but like boil chicken soup is like THE symbol of parental love for Asian families. Growing up whenever I was sick or if I was leaving or coming back from a long trip my parents would always make boil chicken soup for me to eat before I go or as my meal when I get back. And my grandparents do the same when we come to visit them. And I would feel so happy when mom gave me the drum stick because that’s the best part. And I’m just so emotional 😭😭😭😭 MAMA TUAN IS MAKING BOIL CHICKEN SOUP FOR MARK AND THE BOYS AND I JUSF AKDBSODNIWNSKA.