Summary: When your boyfriend cheats on you you’re left heartbroken and lost all hope in relationships. Santa says you’ll find love soon, but what do you do when you’re beloved cat turns into a beautiful grown man?
my mind: I’M SEXY, I’M CUTE, I’M POPULAR TO BOOT. I’M BITCHIN’, GREAT HAIR, THE BOYS ALL LOVE TO STARE. I’M WANTED, I’M HOT, I’M EVERYTHING YOU’RE NOT. I’M PRETTY, I’M COOL, I DOMINATE THE SCHOOL. WHO AM I? JUST GUESS! GUYS WANNA TOUCH MY CHEST! I’M ROCKIN’, I SMILE, AND MANY THINK I’M VILE. I’M FLYIN’, I JUMP YOU CAN LOOK BUT DON’T YOU HUMP! I’M MAJOR, I ROAR, I SWEAR I’M NOT A WHORE! WE CHEER AND WE LEAD, WE ACT LIKE WE’RE ON SPEED. HATE US ‘CAUSE WE’RE BEAUTIFUL BUT WE DON’T LIKE YOU EITHER WE’RE CHEERLEADERS, YEAH, YEAH CHEERLEADERS - ROLL CALL-
Soulmate AU where the first things your soulmate says to you are tattooed on the inside of your wrist.
"Hey are you a UFO? Because your appeal is out of this world."
"Do you have any idea how lame it was to walk around with THAT tattooed on my wrist? I mean I'll forgive you but oh my god."
WILL YOU PLEASE TOSS TO ME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
You... How much milk did you DRINK to be able to jump like that...?
"Pleased to meet you."
WHY DOES EVERY POLITE PERSON ON THE PLANET SAY THE SAME WORDS THAT ARE INKED ON MY WRIST WHY MUST YOU TORTURE ME SO MUCH FATE WHYYYYYY I JUST WANNA KNOW WHO THEY ARE
D-I-N-O-S-A U-R A DINOSAUR AN O-L-D M-A-N YOU'RE JUST AN OLD MAN HITTIN ON ME WHAT YOU NEED A CAT SCAN Meowwwww... Okay Bo what the ever-loving fuck this is the stupidest dare ever.
Tch. So the mark wasn't a prank...
Are you a first-year? You look lost. I'm ________. Do you know where your club is meeting? No you're lost, umm... do you need to ask Coach where you need to be? Volleyball practice is mostly tryouts so he should be okay to help you out.
I'm ________, nice to meet you. I didn't have time to join a club when everyone else did, my flight back from Russia was delayed so I missed it... Is volleyball fun, Yaku-san? I think I'll try it... unless being taller is a disadvantage, because I don't think I'm done growing yet...
First year setter--
OH MY GOD YOU'RE A SETTER THANK GOD PLEASE BE MY SETTER AND PUT UP WITH ME I WILL GIVE YOU OWL PLUSHIES AND HUGS AND HECK PROBABLY ANYTHING YOU ASK PLEASE TOSS TO ME
“Wouldn’t it be nice if we were just normal people, yeah? Tryin’ so hard to act like we don’t care. But it’s true, you do, nothing is left, so I guess I’m right. New word, onomatopoeia, boom! Quit actin’ like you don’t wanna be here. Fuck around and get jumped like leap year.”
HOW TO TREAT UR BITCH RIGHT: A Guide by Tamlin of the Spring Court
Hey everyone, it’s Tam. Me and my girl Feyre got the best love story of all time! I just got her back at my court, so imma tell you how to treat your bitch right like I’ve treated mine! (:
If ur bitch about to die for you, don’t do nothing brave, just sit there idly and watch shit go down. lol you could get hurt brother!
Let’s say you manage to escape ur captor for like one night. What you gonna do? YOU GONNA GET THE BOOTY. that’s right my guy!! i mean it’s not like u and ur girl aint already done the do, but like if u wanna leave a good impression before she risk her life for u… give her Tamlin Jr lol
when ur bitch bout to get her neck snapped, don’t do nothing brave, just sit there idly and watch another man jump in and try to save her. bc yo… u gonn be so tired after watching everything for days ://// like u already tried to give her one last night of magic sooo oh well
If ur bitch gets up in tha middle of the night and vomits and has nightmares and shit, don’t wake up and help her, she’s independent, she can take care of herself
ur bitch cannot take care of herself. lock ur doors. leave her with some toys and servants. she’ll be ok
if ur bitch loses a bunch of weight all of a sudden, compliment her diet!! she look hella good
***IMPORTANT!*** if another man who wears the same fukin emo outfit every day made a bargain to take ur bitch on a bad vacation every month and she come back lookin healthier, its a trick.. he tryna fuk!!
even tho ur bitch may have won a bunch of crazy ass trials and saved ur ass, she cannot defend herself
if your bitch tell u she ran away out of free will, its a trick
if an evil king offers help get ur bitch back, take it bc he’s super trustworthy (worked for me lol)
Thats all for now! I’ll be back with book 2 soon!!
You sat in the bed of your hotel room, reading a book. Roman
was in the shower and you decided that you were gonna wait it out. The way his
match went tonight, you had planned to jump him because…just…damn. Then again,
it’s not like you need a reason to jump his bones.
You heard the water turn off and the shower curtain open.
You felt yourself getting giddy. It had been a little bit since you’ve had him
all to yourself and you missed him. But you tried to play it cool, deciding to
continue reading as he walked out of the bathroom. You looked up to see that he
was dressed to go out.
“Where are you going?” You asked curiously as Roman sat on
the edge of the bed, putting on his shoes.
“I was gonna go out with some of the guys for a drink.” Roman
asked, never bothering to throw a glance your way.
i mean don’t you ever wanna be really pounded hard you know? like when the bed is moving all around and it’s all sweaty and your head is knocking up against the headboard and you feel like it might just BLOW OFF?
dammit i just really wanna be FUCKED you know?
just REALLY FUCKED!
these little boys play with you…and don’t deliver
i gave all the signs
all the hints
i have to keep my…Woman-ness
it’s a little boy that ain’t a man cuz a man woulda jumped all over this
songs I've been listening to a lot lately old and new
good songs I’ve been listening to :
get away - yuck
thinking about you - the big scary
chamber of reflection - Mac demarco
dissolve me - alt j
cobwebs- animal collective
street flash - animal collective
the purple bottle - animal collective
raspberry cane - youth lagoon
mute - youth lagoon
everything is happening so fast - mgmt
tiny dancer ( never gets old ) - Elton John
band on the run - Paul McCartney and wings
advanced falconry - mutual benefit
I just wanna die - FIDLAR
unfucktheworld- angel Olsen
post production - over the Atlantic
walkabout - atlas sound
oh Louie - Shannon and the clams
beetles - warpaint
liar - built to spill
Crimson and clover - tommy James and the shondells
I think it’s beautiful that you are 256 colors too - black moth super rainbow
skeleton key - Margot and the nuclear so sos
float forever - peace
jump into the fog - the wombats
what’s a girl to do - bat for lashes
last night at the jetty - panda bear
how can you really - foxygen
anemone - their satanic majesties second request
heartbreaker - girls
all die young - smith westerns
horse race - colormusic
the city in the sea - crystal stilts
Nancy from now on - father john misty
nightmare of you - I want to be buried in your backyard
tell me ( what’s on your mind ) - Allah-las
Bisou magique- melodys echo chamber
the sun was high - best coast
the hours - beach house
other people - beach house
sad girl - lana del rey
you and me - disclosure
she’s a rainbow - the Rolling Stones
im gonna crawl - led zep
punching in a dream - the naked and famous
Simeon’s dilemma - why
election - don dilego
never known love - thieves like us
bad kids- black lips
Billie holiday - warpaint
snow days - real estate
stop crying your eyes out - oasis
Caesar - Ty segall
one million lovers - the growlers
golden age - beach fossils
sleeping lessons - the shins
curse of curves - cute is what we aim for
ice hotels - dinosaur bones
daughters and empty space - the story so far
song for zula - phosphorescent
and many many many more
Dan and phil scream
Dan: fuck my ass!!
Dan: i wanna axe you right now you little bitch
Dan: i litterally just laid an egg
Dan: i birthed a child out of an egg
Dan: i just asexually produced
Dan: i was so jumpscared life found a way and it came out of my ass.