i just wanna go home and pee

Drunken Love (Lafayette x Reader)

Characters: Lafayette x Reader, Hercules Mulligan, John Laurens, Alexander Hamilton 

Length: 1355+ words

TW: Drinking, making out

“LAF!” you yelled upon seeing your friend walk in the bar. You slid over, effectively squishing John to the wall. Gilbert flashed a smile that would’ve made any girls’s panties drop, and waved. He swiftly took the seat beside yours, shrugging off his jacket while doing so. You were hit with a wave of his cologne, and you were ready to crawl on his lap. “Laf,” you whined, nudging your head on his head. “I’m tired.” 

“Mon ami, you’re always tired when you drink.” He chuckled, shaking his head. 

“But Laf!” you drawled out his name. “I wanna go home.“

“Mon ami, I just got here.” 

“Fine! I’ll go home by myself,” you huffed, pushing him out of the way. 

“Non, non!” He sat firm, not allowing you to move him by an inch. “You are not going home by myself.” 

“I want to go home Laffy Taffy!” 

“In a minute, okay?” Gilbert started conversing with the other boys, sipping on his beer while you tried to stay awake. Alexander was on his laptop, John was excitedly telling a story about how he got arrested for peeing in public once, and Hercules was booming with laughters. You felt bad for clinging onto Gilbert, but he was the only you trusted to take you home safely without making bad decisions on the way. Last time John took you home, you were both drunk, and got a pet iguana- from where, you did not know. But now, John has a pet iguana to go with his turtle. 

“Uh, Laf?” John called his friend. “I think Y/N’s asleep.” 

And you were out like a light, leaning on John’s shoulder with no care in the world. 

“I guess it’s time to take the princesse home.” Gilbert grabbed his jacket, and picked Y/N up. Luckily he had a car. 

“Lemme help you,” Hercules offered sympathetically. He helped open the doors to the bar, and Gilbert’s car, wishing him good luck before going back in the bar. 

“Oh mon chou, what am I going to do with you?” Gilbert laughed, shaking his head. He drove you to your apartment, using the spare key you had given him, and made your way to your bedroom. It was almost second nature to the Frenchman. He no longer struggled getting the doors open, or hesitating to press the elevator button in fear on hitting your body parts. It was like clockwork. He gingerly placed you on your bed, taking off your shoes, and stripping your jacket. Then, he placed the blankets over you while taking the time to stroke your face gently. You stirred, paling in and out of consciousness during the time you were with Gilbert. He grabbed the water from your nightstand, and placed it near your lips, urging you to drink the whole glass. “Mon amour, vous êtes à beau. (My love, you are so beautiful.)” You’ve always noticed how his voice gets lower when he speaks in his native language, and it made butterflies fly in your stomach. You felt yourself lose your battle to sleep again, but you fought to stay awake, wanting to revel in this tender moment with Gilbert. He leaned down, pressing his lips to your cheek. “I love you.” 

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dvastatedr  asked:

Hi. I felt like I creep I spent the whole day reading all your Voltron Family AU prompts. And when I say all, I mean all 44 pages in your blog. It was a lot but so worth it. I cried, I laughed and cried again. It's just so fluffy and wholesome I felt like I witnessed a whole family grow. If I could give a prompt, what if one of the daddies caught one of the boys watching lewd videos? Hilarity ensues, I hope? :) Thank you again and you're amazing for doing this for a year!

Dude. OMG? That’s hella lot. I hope you took a break and all that. But thank you! This dedication makes me smile :’D <3

[The Voltron Family] It was Lance. Of course it had to be Lance out of his two boys. Hunk wouldn’t do such a thing, that perfect angel of his. Lance, however, Keith knew one day it was going to happen but not this early.

Keith was walking down the hallway after doing his business in the bathroom when he passed by Lance’s room. The door was slightly opened and he saw his son watching… lewd videos. Keith’s eyes widened in shock and quickly made his way back to the master bedroom, a hand on his chest. He couldn’t tell Shiro about it, it was embarrassing enough that he saw it himself. 

He had to deal with this alone.

So he walked back to Lance’s room quickly and knocked. He heard “Uh! Just a sec!” and Keith had to close his eyes and prayed to all the possible gods that could hear him. After a loud strained “Come in!” from Lance, Keith went inside and saw that Lance’s laptop displayed Google homepage. Of all things! A Google homepage. How lame could his son even get?

Keith: *eyes the bed suspiciously and sits down beside Lance* Sweetheart.
Lance: Hmmmm? *smiles*
Keith: You’re 15 now. *furrows eyebrows*
Lance: I am aware, yes. *nods*
Keith: *gulps* There are things that are—well… inevitable, you could say. You’re at the peak of your curiosity and you tend to… well, for the lack of better word, get curious about things—certain things. And you might think there’s only a linear way to get things done, but you see, that’s not really the case. 
Lance: *confused* Daddy Keith, I’m not quite sure I’m following?
Keith: *sighs and looks up* I’m a damn best-selling author and I can’t even articulate words. Oh my god. I’ll need reinforcements. 

And by reinforcements, Keith meant Shiro. He quickly told his husband about it and he was expecting Shiro to be shocked, but instead, he was highly amused. They both went back to Lance’s bedroom and faced their son.

Shiro: *smirks* Your Daddy Keith saw you watching por—
Keith:lewd videos. I caught you watching lewd videos.
Lance: *blushes in embarrassment* *buries face in his hands* Oh my god. 
Shiro: *laughs* Don’t be embarrassed, Lance. *stops to rethink* Actually, no, you should be embarrassed. It’s pretty much the law that you need to lock your door when you’re planning on watching… *looks at Keith pointedly* lewd stuff.
Keith: *crosses arms* *mouths* Thank. You.
Lance: I don’t know what came over me. I kinda just—
Shiro: *hums in amusement* That’s what we all say.
Keith: Shiro. Not helping. *glares*
Shiro: *chuckles* Okay, but seriously. It’s normal. You’re a teenage boy and we’ve all been there.
Lance: *snorts* Yeah, I could understand you. But Daddy Keith probably hasn’t even wat—
Keith: *still crossing his arms while shifting his weight* I have.
Lance: *head snaps towards Keith* YOU WHAT?
Shiro: *smirks while looking at Keith*
Keith: *gulps and looks away* I had to find out somehow that I’m ace, yknow?
Lance: Ohohohoh! So, what? It didn’t work for you?
Keith: *groans* Yeah, it didn’t. Nothing did. 
Lance: Oh my god. *chuckles* So how do you get rid of it then? *glances at Shiro and comes to a realization* Oh my god. Does Daddy Shi—
Keith: I take a cold shower, okay?! *panics* What were you even thinking?!
Lance: *laughs* I wasn’t even thinking of—
Keith: Yes, you were! And to answer that, no
Lance: Oh. *looks at Shiro expectantly*
Shiro: *winks*
Keith: Takashi, stop giving our son the wrong idea. *rolls eyes*
Shiro: *pouts* He takes a cold shower… with me. *winks*
Keith: Oh my god. *has had enough* Your father and I don’t do anything in the showers aside from showering just to clear that up.
Shiro: Boo. You’re no fun. *frowns*
Keith: Who even is the child here? *points at Shiro and Lance* *shakes head*
Lance: *goes to hug Shiro* It’s okay, Daddy Shiro. One day, you and Daddy Keith will have fun in the showers.
Shiro: *hugs back* *sniffs dramatically* I hope so, too, Lance. I just want a little hugging and kissing—
Keith: I’m right here!!!
Lance: *looks at Keith* *laughs* Sorry, what was it again?
Keith: What I was trying to say all along was, in case you want to have other options when we’re all at home, you should just take a long cold shower.
Shiro: Or clench your thigh muscles really hard if you wanna go the medical way, yknow just to give you more options aside from the shower. *thoughtful*
Lance: *steps back* Wow. All of these just because I accidentally clicked an ad and I didn’t know how to get rid of it, so it started playing a video.
Keith: YOU WHAT?
Lance: *laughs* Yeah, my bad, my bad. But yeah, honestly thanks for the tips I guess? I’ll keep them in mind. 
Shiro: *smiles* Oh, also, peeing. 
Keith: *looks at Shiro in disbelief*
Shiro: What? In case of morning problems! 

Prompt List #3

Feel free to reblog this!

1. “You fell for a mask, not the real me.”

2. “You fucker!”

3. “You know there’s that new movie I’ve been dying to see”

4. “But I want it!!”

5. “A puppy?!”

6. “I was watching you make a fool of yourself.”

7. “If you die, I don’t want to live”

8. “You have the worst taste in music”

9. “Hope you brought your umbrella”

10. “Sunscreen is for wusses” 

11. “You bought scented candles? Just so we could stay home and cuddle?”

12. “Hey! At least I tried to cook”

13. “I would rather wear a trash bag”

14. “She meant nothing to me”

15. “Ummm…I found these panties in your bedroom. Wanna explain?”

16. “I tried to draw you, but I can’t capture such beauty”

17. “You didn’t try hard enough. I’m sorry but I have to go”

18. “If you don’t get an A on this exam, you’ll fail the grade”

19. “I can’t believe you locked the keys in the car”

20. “Stop! If I keep laughing I’m going to pee my pants”

21. “I know this is cliche, but I bought flowers and everything. So will you go to prom with me?”

22. “Sometimes you make me feel like nothing”

23. “I don’t like knowing someone who hurts women”

24. “I would have killed him”

25. “I can’t do this anymore!” 

26. “Get your hands off me”

27. “What did he do?”

28. “I swear to God, if that kid gets any of his food on me, I’m throwing out the TV”

29. “Daddy! Look at the turtles”

30. “Fuck, Marry, Kill…”

tumblr I need your opinion

i’m starting a second job at a pet rescue- where we can potentially board both benjamin and luna during long trips, but not use it as a daycare for luna.

at my current job, I can bring luna in for free, drop her off on my days off, and board her for free. BUT with the second job, I’d be going down to part time hours here too- which means I could only bring luna in for free while i’m at work. Daycare and boarding would have a discount - but would end up being expensive anyway ($41 a day with the discount o__o )

I’ve been miserable at this job for weeks, maybe months, now - and with this news, I’m really considering just quitting now. I was going to stay so we could continue to board luna for free, but now that’s not an option…

The pet rescue job would start at the same wage, but I would be working part-time for an indefinite amount of time.

So my question is do I stay at my current place with part-time hours, and lose some of the daycare benefits - or do I just go down to part time at the one place, leaving luna at home more often (but getting to board her)???

Movies (Werewolf!Taehyung)

Plot: #004: “Is it possible to love too much?” + #005: “I don’t wanna get up– you’re comfy.” + #039: “I just came home to you crying while watching a movie, please tell me what’s going on.” + #045: “We’re watching Toy Story 3 and we can’t stop crying.” with werewolf!Taehyung

Word Count: 785

A/N: so this is gonna combine a couple requests, there was another request for coming to home to crying with werewolf!Tae (that+all the others were originally for college!Tae) so I decided to just combine the two so it’s werewolf!Tae in college, the link to the original werewolf!Tae post is right here

Everyone knew college was stressful and every student had a different way of dealing with that stress. Some partied, some turned to music, art, dancing, some handled it well without doing anything at all. Your boyfriend’s best friend, Jungkook, had gotten you hooked on watching movies when you were stressed. He had told you it was the easiest way for him to stop worrying about essays or assignments or finals, to just get lost in some of your favorite movies. He suggested finding some of your favorite childhood movies, movies that always made you smile, no matter how many times you watched it. He told you to try your best to think about the movie, to ignore whatever else was stressing you out. Which is why you were now sat on your bed, your favorite snacks around you, watching some of your favorite movies.

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Good Little Whore ( Part 11)

Ghost x reader
​Warnings : Language, Smut​​


“So, you’re not his girlfriend then?” Vinny presses, staring at you from across the couch. “I don’t get it. If you’re not his girlfriend why are you living with him?”
“Because I’m a guest —.”

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Yugyeom Scenario - ‘It’s party time’

Requested by a lovely anon <3

*Don’t own the gif/s yo*

Author: Yugbug (a/n Hello, I’m a new admin. I hope yall enjoy this. It’s my first time writing anything like this, so bare with me.. I love you ! (: - Admin YugBug)

“A party? for what? I thought we were going to dinner..” you said into the phone, kind of annoyed that he changed the plans so unexpectedly. Not only did that mean that you had to cancel your reservations, now you also had to interact with people that you didn’t quite like, and instead of a quiet night in with Yugyeom, you now had to deal with drunk off his ass yugyeom who would most likely tease and pester you.

“Oh, come on (y/n) we never go to parties anymore, also I have to go. It’s mandatory, and I figured you would go with me, we can always reschedule dinner love. Please?” he said so sweetly into the phone that it almost made your tooth hurt.

“Fine-” you groaned “but can we leave when I want to?” you asked and he agreed. He knew that you weren’t one for parties, something about all the sweaty bodies and the smell of alcohol in every room or the way everyone acted just turned you off. You would rather have yugyeom all to yourself, and that sounded selfish, but oh well.

You barely ever had time with him, he was always either at practice or on tour and you were okay with that. It made him happy and it was his passion so you had learned to accept it, but when it was your turn well damnit it was your turn. Tonight wasn’t gonna last long hopefully, you two would get there, he would have a few drinks and you would convince him it’s time go. You put on a tight black dress with a pair of black pumps and some light makeup, wanting to look good but not wanting to try very hard. Hearing a loud honk, you grabbed your purse and tried to prepare yourself for the night.

After two hours of Jackson talking to you about his latest photoshoot, which was actually really interesting and you were very happy for him, and a few more drinks you had decided you were done for the night. A headache was starting to form and all you wanted to do was lay down. Thankfully the party wasn’t huge, only the band and a few of their close friends. It still wasn’t stated what everyone was celebrating, but you had figured it was for their new album.

You searched the room for yugyeom, but came up short.

“Who ya looking for?” Jackson said, noticing that you had stopped listening.

“Sorry,” you sighed “I’m just tired, I kinda wanna go home. Do you know where Yugyeom is?” you asked and received a shake of the head. “Okay well, I’m going to the bathroom.” you said and waved as you walked off.

You made your way down the long hallway searching for the bathroom, the stupid thing can’t be that far can it? It took what felt like years before you stumbled into a door that must be the bathroom, but you were stopped by a hand on your wrist.

“I just want to pee!” you groaned and turned around to a smirking Yugyeom who smelled just like alcohol. “Baby, can we go home now?” you asked and smiled at him expecting the sweetest no you had ever heard.

“But baby, I’m having so much fun, c-can’t we stay?” he slurred, bringing his face down to yours. ‘Big mistake’ you thought as you backed him up against the wall and trapped him with your arms. “Oh, honey-” you chuckled lowly in his ear and saw him involuntarily shiver

“The fun hasn’t even started yet.” you whispered and trailed your hand down his chest. He gulped and looked down the hallway, and smiled at you catching your lips in a kiss. You moaned softly and started running your fingertips over the rough fabric of his jeans, kissing along his jaw.

“Now, here’s what’s gonna happen dear” you said, practically purring into his ear. “You can make this easy,” you start making your way back down his neck, leaving a trail of hickies in your wake “and we can go home, and have a pleasant night. Or,” your hand’s movements increasingly pick up speed, palming over his pants in circles before taking a harder grip on his already throbbing member “you can make this hard, and ruin a potentially great night.”

Yugyeom was blushing left and right, not knowing what to do, he started after smiling and gulping loudly, “B-baby, I, I uh, I um, I wa-” you cut him off quickly by sinking your teeth into the soft flesh of his neck. “You have to be quicker than that sweetie.” You cause a moan to slip out between Yugyeom’s plump lips. Within a second of hearing the sweet sound coming from your boyfriend, you delved your face into the crook of his neck, before gripping his erection with a firm hand. You form your hand to his shape and roughly rub in different motions, causing your now extremely aroused and concerned boyfriend to give in to what was unfolding before him. “Love, this is risky business, what if we get caught? I-I don’t need the-” He cut himself off with a moan that shook you to your core. “Oh god, keep going, I-I’m almost there” he groaned, grabbing ahold of your waist and digging his fingernails into you.

You kept a steady pace and made sure to watch his sweet face the whole time, something about the way you absolutely wrecked him just made this whole party worth it. “I he-hear someone coming,” he stuttered, squeezing his eyes shut. You chuckled and whispered “So who’s coming first? You or them?” and licked the shell of his ear.

“Ah fuck,” he groaned and bit your shoulder, coming undone right before your eyes. You smiled to yourself, rejoicing in this victory. You turned your head to the poor intruder who had to witness this and blushed a deep pink when Jackson cleared his throat awkwardly. “I uh, I guess you found him.” Jackson laughed and scratched the back of his head, “Uhm, I’m gonna go back to the party..” he trailed off and turned on his heel and as quickly as he came he was gone.

You turned back to the boy who was trying to catch his breath on your shoulder, his forehead sticking to you.

“Are you okay baby?” you asked sweetly, and wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Uh, yeah… Why don’t we go home? This party’s pretty lame anyways.” He smiled at you, and you smiled back. “Let’s go love.”

Daddy 5SOS Preference: Interrogation

“ Could you maybe do a 5sos daddy preference thing about their children asking questions? Like Nebraska could ask where her mum is? Kind of serious/funny questions?xx”

A/N: Enjoy! 

Luke: It really hadn’t been Luke’s choice. He had taken Kayla to the movies for a quick daddy-daughter date. And by the end of the movie Luke had to pee so badly he could’ve sworn his eyes were yellow. But he had no one to watch Kayla while he went, and there was no way he was leaving his three year old in the hallway by herself. So he improvised.

“Face the corner, love,” Luke told her as they entered the cubicle in the men’s room. His daughter did as he asked, then sighed.

“Why are we here, Daddy?” she whined. “I wanna go home.”

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Grandmas Boy inspired Sentence meme.
  • “You’re a Hooker.”
  • “You’ve been spending our rent money on fillipino hookers?”
  • They’re not hookers, they’re massage therapists.“
  • "You’re getting a lion?”
  • “Dude you can get past a dog, nobody fucks with a lion.”
  • “Your bed is a car.”
  • “Yeah but it’s a fucking sweet car.”
  • “My cock is lost in the jungle and it’s up to you to find it.”
  • “I can’t believe you came on my mom.”
  • “I didn’t wanna disturb you, you were balls deep in that turtle with a thumb in your mouth.”
  • “Ugh my doll is a whore.”
  • “What’s up douche bigalow you sleep well last night?”
  • “No but I’ll self park it in your ass hole.”
  • “SHITS WEAK!, SHIIIIIITS WEAK!”
  • “How much do clothes cost in the matrix?”
  • “Don’t take the red pill.”
  • “Adios turdnuggets.”
  • “Why so you can jerk off on my mom?”
  • “How many people did you tell about the incident with me and your mom?”
  • “I’ll call you later, let you know which bed I end up in.”
  • “Yes and possibly shitting his pants.”
  • “Maybe because I was with three chicks last night, something you’d know nothing about.”
  • “Hey look it’s Bono’s brother.”
  • “I wanna get you a black cobra, to go around the neck.”
  • “Please. get. on. top. of. me.”
  • “You play a demon who’s been summoned from hell to clean out this meth lab.”
  • “Space shuttle!”
  • “Take that you dirty dopers.”
  • “I can’t believe there are people in this world who still don’t have cable.”
  • “I don’t have antlers do I?”
  • “Chicken cutlet, spaghetti with garlic bread, oh, my God, the wings to go with the breast, I don’t know what you are but I’m gonna fucking eat you too.”
  • “COCKSUCKER ASSFUCK OH GOD DAMNIT!”
  • “Let me guess, was your dick on fire?”
  • “Yea it was my roomates, they tied me up.”
  • “And just when I was about to scream for the police, I came.”
  • “Oh my god, Are you serious? I think he fucking shattered it.”
  • “Because you’re a woman and you’re swimming in a sea of virgins.”
  • “I know you think I’m really hot and you wanna have a drink with me but my boss gave me this serious deadline.”
  • “I hate your face.”
  • “I wanna eat the TV.”
  • “Thanks, maybe tomorrow you can introduce them to Heroine.”
  • “Shh, go read your playgirl or something.”
  • “What’s going on shit lips?”
  • “You’re not jerking off on my dad.”
  • “You’re dead to me, over.”
  • “Yea lose the Woody Allen jacket.”
  • “What does high score mean? High score, is that bad? Did I break it?”
  • “You would if you had robot ears.”
  • “You’ll have to wake him up out of his sex coma first.”
  • “All those stank ass ho’s.”
  • “Cool I hope it’s a naked guy with a boner.”
  • “Jerking off on my mom is one thing.”
  • “You can stay as long as you like and love any man you choose.”
  • “Alright! Who wants a piece of the grey bush?!”
  • “Hopefully that will help with the bad energy troll.”
  • “I had a dream last night, I dreamt I was a dove flying over the sea, and then I dove in to the ocean and swam with the Dolphins. I was two animals joined as one…Which meant good things are coming, good things.”
  • “I just got the new season of Buffy on DVD and I’m gonna stay at home and watch the bonus features.”
  • “Behind this awesome, I’m simply a human. But I’m working on that.”
  • “That’s cool, if you wanna be sober and vomit.”
  • “Do you have bathrooms here or do I have to shit in a plant?”
  • “Go eat a hamburger and choke on a cow dick.”
  • “I tried to tell you that was a piece of dry dog poop but you didn’t wanna believe me.”
  • “There is absolutely no way you could beat me at any video game.”
  • “I have to pee out of my ass.”
  • “Chi chi choo choo no co co.”
  • “If I knew you were bringing people over, I would have trimmed my antlers.”
  • “I can hear my hair growing.”
  • “My grandma drank all my pot.”
  • “Hey easy pothead I’ll get you your fix.”
  • “By girlfriend do you mean that piece of rabbit fur you rub on your dick every night?”
  • “Hey does anybody have a light I found some weed….I wanna smoke it.”
  • “You want an ice cream sandwich? They’re on whole wheat with lettuce.”
  • “I once gave Charlie Chapman a hand job.”
  • “What’s the matter nana’s boy? Can’t hang?”
  • “Someone’s ass getting laid tonight.”
  • “My beef strong.”
  • “Your beef wrong.”
  • “I FUCKING LOVE THIS GIRL!”
  • “Are those Leopard spandex?”
  • “I should have worn a condom.”
  • “I am a robot, I like robots, I have a robot vagina.”
  • “Almost as hilarious as your face.”
  • “So who wants to hear about my STD from the silent film era?”
  • “This chicks pussy smelt like the great depression.”
  • “Maybe it’s a fireman stripper.”
  • “This guy’s not gonna rip my heart out of my chest and show it to me is he?”
  • “Don’t tell me your grandma beats you.”
  • “It invaded my mind with such force I thought I was going to explode in to the atmosphere.”
  • “I want you to take the Frankenstein shit, the deer shit, the bling and the bling bling and roll it all in to one joint.”
  • “I’ll smoke it with you, we’ll go to the looney bin together.”
  • “i’m video taping this for scientific research, this shit will be on the discovery channel.”
  • “Don’t judge me monkey.”
  • “Backstreet for life.”
  • “I started a fight club.”
  • “What is that ringing? Do I have a tumor?”
  • “Phone’s for you I think it’s the devil.”
  • “He kidnapped your grandma and he’s going to eat her soul through her head.”
  • “I’m way too baked to drive to the devil’s house.”
  • “Dude where do you get your weed?”
  • “You’ll get so stoned you’ll shit your pants.”
  • “Yea monkey karate chop the elephant!”

quirks of starting your period:

  • heat-sensitive (the slightest breeze will leave you shivering ok)
  • light-sensitive cuz it’s too fricking bright 
  • RUINED PANTIES
  • irritable
  • sore
  • cramps
  • wanna eat everything
  • murder anyone who wants you to do anything that involves getting up or moving
  • can’t tell if it’s a stomach ache, constipation, or just the uterus shedding itself
  • going to pee but it’s not really pee
  • do u need to poop???!? or is that just the uterus
  • the smell of blood
  • fucking cramps
  • horny but can’t really do anything about it
  • still hungry
  • intestines is that you or is that uterus
  • wanna stay wrapped in a thick fluffy blanket when walking around the house
  • sneezing and coughing
  • you can feel it oozing out man
  • frick
  • everything hurts
  • give me midol
  • leave me alone
  • cuddle me
almost famous inspired prompt meme
  • “You’ve been kissing!”
  • “One day, you’ll be cool.”
  • “Don’t take drugs!”
  • “Isn’t it funny how the truth just sounds different?”
  • “I’ve made a decision - I’m gonna live in Morocco for one year. Do you wanna come?”
  • “Ask me again.”
  • “You never take it seriously, you never get hurt.”
  • “Act one, in which she pretends she doesn’t care about him.”
  • “Act two, in which he pretends he doesn’t care about her, but goes right for her.”
  • “Your mom called. She kind of freaked me out.”
  • “I think we should have completely different names and be completely different people.”
  • “Can we just skip the vibe and go straight to laughing about this?”
  • “Don’t worry, he’s still a virgin.”
  • “It’s okay, I’m easy to forget, just leave me behind.”
  • “Your looks have become a problem!”
  • “I’m just hungry, man. Let’s just go out and find some barbeque or something.”
  • “Wanna see me feed a mouse to my snake?”
  • “I’M ON DRUGS!”
  • “I am a golden god!”
  • “I have to go home.”
  • “You are home.”
  • “I thought we could hang out, you know, do some regular stuff, get to know each other a little better… and then I’d see you pee.”
  • "I’ve seen the future and this all works out reasonably well.”
  • “Any other city in the world, and you’d still be a virgin.”
  • “I am dark and mysterious and pissed off!”
  • “Look, you should be happy for me, you don’t know what he says in private.”
  • “Maybe it is love.”
  • "Stop looking at me like that.”
  • “I had to live with you, and now I might die with you, and it’s not fucking fair!”
  • “Fuck it —- I’m gay!”
  • “I’m always home. I’m uncool.”
  • “The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you’re uncool.”
  • “Is it that hard to make us look cool?”
  • “I sound like a dick.”
  • “You look awful, but it’s great.”
  • “I’m never as good as when you’re there.”
  • “I’m coming to you this time.”