i just really want cooper back


Last week, I went out of the house more than I have in a month. And it’s actually been really good for my mental health but hard on my back. It sucks when I actually want to go out and do things but my body doesn’t cooperate – then again, that’s hashtag spoonielife for you. (For those who might not know: I have scoliosis and it’s a. lot. of. pain. I don’t like to talk about it a huge deal.) Pain issues aside, it’s been quite lovely getting all the sunshine and feeling productive, even if it’s just taking outfit photos! I was feeling sunnier than I look here but it’s easier to get self conscious when shooting alone in a park with people. I’ll just let the chrysanthemum blooms make up for my wistfulness instead.

A little about my outfit: both the top and skirt are by Junarose, sent to me, once more, by Lianca from Love, Lianca boutique. Both pieces are lovely and the rosette top isn’t atall scratchy as I’d feared it might be. One thing about Junarose’s sizing - it seems to run really quite big. I normally don’t find it necessary to size down, but in this instance I wish I could have! (I got both the top and skirt in a UK18, which is the smallest size Junarose does.) I ultimately got the skirt tailored to fit before wearing it in these photos.

WearingJunarose rosette top and suede skirt c/o Love, Lianca boutique ♥ Brit Stitch saddle bagASOS pointed flats {similar here

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Blacklist - The Architect

Another good episode.

Loved that Liz used her position to help her husband Tom find more clues about his past. Tom had the right amount of menace when that sneaky old lady thought she could lie to him and get away with it.

Aram was awesome. I liked the dynamic between him and Elise/Janet. He surprised me in the end. Elise should come back often. Most of the characters are so dour. She’s refreshing and seems more suited to Aram than Samar.

Really wish Cooper would stop threatening Red and just cut him off. Threats don’t work, but actions do.

The scene in the car with Red, Dembe and the painter was funny. Now I want to know what happened with Dembe and the girl. Still I find the Red character incredibly bland overall. I can’t follow his plot line closely because of that and those weird affectations of his. I have no idea who’s coming after him.

I… really wanna sleep now but GOD there’s just so much love around today so here have some tiny lil sabriel fluff hurt/comfort?

Gabriel is teetering on the verge of sleep, it’s the middle of the night, everything is quiet and still and he doesn’t know what got him awake. He desperately wants to pass out again, but sleep refuses to cooperate, and after what feels like an eternity but is in fact closer to five minutes of struggling to get back to sleep he sighs and sits up in bed, tossing the covers aside.

He listens to the silence around him, it’s just as quiet as it was before, but something makes him get out of bed and out of his room and pad along the bunker corridors to the kitchen. He thinks that perhaps hunger was what woke him up, and, seeing as he’s pretty new to the entire being human thing he still has some difficulties in identifying all those confusing feelings.

He is walking past Sam’s bedroom when he hears something. He pauses and holds his breath, waiting for the sound to come again. Just a few moments later it’s there: a tiny whimper, a muffled sob, barely audible. He hesitates for a beat and knocks on Sam’s door. There’s no reply, but now as he’s closer to the door he can hear more sounds, incoherent muttering and more sobbing, and he suddenly realizes that Sam is having a nightmare.

Gabriel nudges the door open, tiptoeing inside. He can barely see Sam in the dark, and he pushes the bitter thoughts of being limited to just five senses, human senses, away from his mind, focusing his attention on Sam.

Sam is tossing and turning in bed, and by the looks of it his nightmare is getting worse, half-choked gasps and mumbled ‘no’s and heavy breathing and all that, and Gabriel reaches out for him in the dark, mentally cursing his current inability to simply take the nightmare away without disturbing Sam’s sleep. He sits on the edge of the bed and places a cautious hand on Sam’s shoulder.

“Hey,” Gabriel whispers, fingers butterfly-light on Sam’s skin. “Sammy, wake up!”

There’s no reaction, at first, but then Sam’s eyes fly open and he jolts up in bed, heaving in huge gulps of air, his eyes wide in shock and not really seeing anything.

“It’s okay, Sam, you’re safe, it was just a nightmare.” Gabriel reaches another hand up and squeezes Sam’s shoulders, shaking him lightly. “Hey, Sammy, can you look at me? Please?”

Slowly, Sam’s eyes focus on Gabriel’s face in the dark and he breathes out, relieved, and suddenly lurches forward, wrapping his arms around Gabriel and pulling him into a tight hug. Sam’s entire body is shaking, and Gabriel isn’t sure what to do at first, but then his arms come up and wrap around Sam. Sam clings to him, holding on for dear life, and Gabriel has no idea what brought this on but he doesn’t mind it at all.

Sam seems to gain more awareness of his surroundings as time slowly goes by, seconds falling around them like snowflakes with no spaces in between. He tenses, briefly, but Gabriel is rubbing soothing circles into his back, and Sam relaxes in his arms, body heavy and warm with sleep.

“M’sorry,” Sam mutters into Gabriel’s shoulder.

“It’s okay,” Gabriel says, “just a nightmare. You’re okay now. You’re safe.”

“You were dying. In my dream, you were dying, he was torturing you and there was nothing I could – I couldn’t-”

Sam chokes on a sob and falls silent. Gabriel gently nudges him upright, cradling his face in his hands. Sam’s eyes are closed, and Gabriel can see him struggling to keep the unshed tears at bay.

“It’s okay, Sammy,” Gabriel says, “I’m right here, see? He’s not gonna hurt anyone, I promise. It was just a dream.”

Sam gives a faint nod, still not opening his eyes, lashes trembling, and dives in to bury his face in Gabriel’s shoulder once again. Gabriel huffs out a small laugh, ruffling the hair on the back of Sam’s head.

“By the by,” he says, tone light and teasing, “didn’t know you cared that much. True, it’s not the kind of dream I’d prefer to star in, if you know what I mean, but eh, I’ll take it. Keep it up and I might even think you’ve got a crush on me.”

There’s a brief pause, and then Sam sighs against Gabriel’s shoulder.

“I thought it was pretty obvious.”

“What?!” Gabriel pushes Sam away, holding him at arm’s length, staring at him in disbelief. “You… have a crush on me?”

Sam ducks his head.

“Well, yeah. S’not like you didn’t know about it.”

“Oh, trust me, kiddo, had I known about it I would surely have done something a lo-ong time ago.”

“Like what? Tell Dean about it so you two could tease me to death?”

Sam isn’t looking at him, and even if he was, he wouldn’t be able to see Gabriel rolling his eyes, but he does it nonetheless.

“No, you idiot,” he murmurs, letting go of Sam’s shoulders and climbing into his lap. Sam looks up at him, frowning, still not quite realizing what Gabriel is about to do.

“Something like this,” Gabriel says, smiling, and presses their lips together.


Well, Chris did the thing (*).

So I did the thing.  BEACH HOUSE PORN.

Will has been a beach bunny since he moved to California (and really, he always had aspirations, just not the confidence to back them up).  Chris doesn’t take to the beach naturally, though he’s come to appreciate it as he has sculpted his body into what he wants it to be, and especially after Cooper, and even more so once he realized they always seemed to find relative privacy in Ventura.

“I like it,” he says, when they start looking at beach houses, because the cost of rentals is so high they might as well buy something and call it a day. “I like it fifty percent in reality and fifty percent in theory.  Does that make sense?”

“To crazy people.”

That smirk, deepening his dimples and lighting his eyes, makes Will’s pulse stutter and his brain jolt—connection, familiarity, knowing. “So you get me.”

“Sure thing.”

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{ tragiically​ }

luna smoothed out her dress a bit and looked at herself in their mirror. tonight was their first date night in a long time and she really did want to impress cooper. she had been working so hard to get her body back in shape, and it wasn’t there just yet, but it was very close. her smile widened as she slipped on her heels and leaned in their closet doorway. “hey, stud.” she said with a little smirk as she wiggled her eyebrows. “are you as excited as i am? we haven’t been on a date in forever.” she said as she bounced a bit and took his hands. “but c’mon, now can you tell me where you’re taking me? you wouldn’t tell me all week.” 

I don’t leave for Jamaica until four days from now but I have already started packing and I just have to say nothing is stressing me out more.

Between my vagina that doesn’t seem to want to cooperate and the kids having to go back to school after having 2 weeks off, and then the whole “what the fuck do I pack to a place where I spend 80% of my time butt ass naked” and then the whole passport and parking and airport shit show that always makes me feel ways about things I am going to need a vacation from this vacation because double you tee eff.

I am complaining but not really. I am so excited about this trip that I could have some rare pussy disease that makes it fart when i walk and I would still be just as gaga as I am now.

I know the kids and the school clothes and the backpacks and making lunches again routine will just fall into place and I should shut the fuck up and stop acting like I have no damn idea how to parent.

My passport is brand fucking new and I have nothing to worry about I just like to add shit to my already frazzled brain for sport because when it comes down to it, I am my own worst enemy.

SOOOO there…shut the fuck up, Michele. You do this to yourself every fucking time and it’s annoying now.

I said it, so you didn’t have to.