Hey, I had a question and wondered if you could help me. I've identified as bi for a while but I've been wondering if my attraction to guys/male-aligned people is just compulsory heterosexuality. Because I can relate to a lot of the comphet posts, especially the ones that say things like "you'd hypothetically date a guy who meets Specific Standards". I have such high standards for guys even looks wise and I don't find 99% of guys attractive but I do find 99% of girls attractive. Any advice?
It really is such a hard thing to figure out! My biggest advice at this point would be to just focus on the attraction that you know is real and you know is wanted–the way you feel about other women. Not only is there something really healing about the way it feels to love another woman, to be loved by another woman, but it also gives you a chance to work through your feelings without worrying about it hurting this person you care about. Which is something that happens super often, people beginning to realize they might be lesbians whild dating a man, but deciding on one level or another not to think about it too hard because they’re already with this guy and they don’t want to hurt them.
Another thing that I think really helps is to think about how you feel about how you feel (I know that sounds so confusing omg!) Like, sometimes it’s not possible to meaningfully sort out ‘real’ authentic attraction from attraction that you feel simply because it’s what has been taught to you. And honestly, how meaningful is it in the end? For a lot of us, not very. What difference is there between a lesbian who is pretty certain that their attraction to men is just because of comp het versus a lesbian who’s not sure at all but knows they don’t -want- to be with men?
A good baby step starting place for this is to think about how y ou feel about being with a woman vs being with a man. Like, long term day to day. For example, when I imagined waking up next to a woman, being annoyed that she forgot to do some random chore, waiting for her to be done in the bathroom so I could brush my teeth, talking about what we should do for dinner… boring mundane every day stuff! it felt perfectly fine. When I thought about the same kinda situation with a man, there was like, this low level dread, almost a feeling of being trapped or imprisoned by this future (and its seeming inevibility at the time!)
(And it still took me like. Four years after I realized that to realize I didn’t just hate the idea of long term relationships or getting married! That I just hated the idea of being with a man like that! Clueless lesbian who?)Of course, your individual feelings and experiences might be really different and that’s fine too, this is only meant for a 'how to dip your toe in’ kind of idea!
Good luck, and please know we love you and value you no matter what, and no matter how you feel about men, it doens’t change how you feel about women or make you any less welcome in the gay girl community! There’s a lot of this idea that there’s one right way to love women, and that having feelings for men in addition to women is somehow lesser, but there isn’t and it isn’t! You belong here just as much as anyone else :) z
Yeon didn’t think as she drove home that night, she sat in her car an extra ten minutes before getting out, going back into her apartment. She stayed up longer than she planned because honestly she thought that Jay would come and knock on her door any minute. He never did.
She awoke the next day and no texts. She didn’t speak to him, and he didn’t speak to her. No show that night either. On the third day, she was itching to text him and tell him off. Ask him if she had a man or not, because if not, she could be going to clubs and at least getting some action. No, that would piss him off more. Maybe, he was waiting on some sort of sign from her. He did say she was to come back, when she knew what she wanted.
Thing was Yeon had already told him. She went to dinner at her parents that night and her mother inquired about Jay. Yeon tried to smile, and answered that he was busy with his artists, and he was working on a new song. She went home, alone, and stared at her phone from her position in her bathtub. The rest of week passed uneventfully, and finally she went out with a small group of girls from her class, that weekend to a cafe.
She didn’t really pay attention to what they were saying, but then a variety show came on one of the Tv’s and Jay was the special guest. She tried not to look too interested as, one of her friends asked the waitress to turn it up.
“So Jay Park, tell me what’s dating like for you?”
“It’s crazy. Women don’t really seem to know what they want so when you do, it just makes it harder.”
“They like to be chased? That’s life it seems.”
“Not the life for me. Women are difficult, I think I should focus on music for now.”
He started talking about his new album, but Yeon was seeing red. She gripped her coffee cup a little too tight as she, stood up and made an excuse about having to meet her parents. As she entered in her apartment, she slammed her door, fishing around in her purse for her phone, pulling it out.
“So, I guess you think it’s funny to throw shade at me on TV! You’re disrespectful.”
She didn’t get an answer until 15 minutes later, which just pissed her off further, as she paced around her apartment.
“Disrespectful is when your fuckin man tells you not to see some dude and you do it anyway, honey.”
Yeon, yelled at her phone, sitting down and texting him back faster.
“I’m so tired of you. I told you nothing happened, I owed him to tell him why I wouldn’t see him again.”
She could practically see his smug smile as he typed back.
“You don’t owe him shit. Unless, there’s something you want to tell me. We are still together, so yea…I deserve to know.”
Did he know more than he let on? Yeon knew what she could say, but she also knew that whatever happened with Jun Seo was before she got official with Jay. She ignored his statement.
“You are so frustrating. You say I’m immature. I don’t know what I want? You haven’t said shit to me in a week, but we’re dating? Fuck you. I could go solo, and not look back.”
She didn’t get anything back. Not for awhile, and after 20 minutes she went to shower, and wash her hair. Her doorbell ringing madly brought her running with a towel on her head, and one wrapped her to the video screen near her door. It was Jay, he was standing in the video screen, waving madly. He was not happy. Yeon felt her heart drop to her stomach, she couldn’t open the door like this. Ready to fight with him. She heard him pound again.
“I heard you running to the door Yeon. open it!”
She winced, at his words, turning the lock and opening the door. “What do you want, cause apparently, you forgot where I lived for a week.”
Jay pushed his way inside, looking around her apartment as he quickly took off his shoes. “I didn’t forget, I just wasn’t coming over here.”
Yeon locked her door back, grinding her teeth, as she followed after him. “Then don’t come up in here, all in my shit.”
“What do you mean, youre going solo?” He turned around to face her, chewing on the inside of his mouth, as she stared hard at her body.
Yeon realized how naked she was under towel, and shifted it around her body. “You don’t have to be with me, and I don’t have to be with you. I have options.”
Jay snorted. “Baby, there’s no one in Seoul who can do what I do.” He walked slowly towards her, his eyes on her breasts. “And trust me, I do what I do well.”
“I’m sure, the ladies pump your ego into thinking that.” She took a step back, away from him.
Jay smiled at her, standing his ground. “So, we are gonna act like, you don’t moan my name? Scratch my back all up? Ask me for it harder?” His expression softened as he looked at her. “I’ve missed you, but you don’t miss me, that’s what kills me, Yeon.”
“You don’t know what I feel. You never take the time to ask me anything, or hear my side. That’s your problem.” She walked away from him and towards her room.
Inside, her heart swelled to see him again. Be near him, hear his voice. She wanted to kiss his face, and tell him he was right she wanted him too much to be petty. Feel his arms around her body, and smell his skin. She was too prideful for that though, and she would continue to hold her high and think that way.
Jay followed her, and Yeon raised an eyebrow at him, as she sat down at her vanity, clothes on her bed for sleeping.
“You aren’t allowed to see me naked anymore.” She lifted a leg and began to lotion her skin.
“Why? Who is now?” He sat down on her bed, watching her, with hungry eyes.
Yeon just stared at him, before continuing her process. She finished and stood up dropping her towel, to hear him hiss. He could look all he wanted, btu he wasn’t getting anything.
“I thought I wasn’t allowed to see you naked anymore?” The need in Jay’s voice was strong, and he bit his lower lip, hands on his knees willing himself to stay put on the bed.
“You can see what you’ll be missing.” Yeon teased, as she slipped a sleeping shirt over her head.
She said nothing else, sitting down at her vanity, putting olive oil into the strands of her hair, working a detangling brush through it. She could hear Jay behind her breathing deeply, moving around. Their eyes met several times in her mirror as she twisted her hair, securing the ends.
It was silent in her room, and then he spoke again. His voice rough. “You hurt me Yeon. Don’t you know that? You act like you don’t even care. I pride myself at not getting caught up on females, and playing those games but this is real with you. I understand what this love is. I love you. I can say it all day because it’s true. I love you. I just feel like you don’t love me. At least not like that. You’ve always had everything. So, what’s one person?”
She stared at his reflection. He was telling the truth baring his soul to her like this, and now she felt like shit. Now she felt like, she was wrong. Like, she didn’t have much to live for. He was right. She never needed anything, never wanted for much else. She had her pick of men, and threw them away as she wished, but deep inside she knew what was up. She always had someone fawning over her, and she never paid too much attention. Here was Jay, and he was everything to her. She thought about him too much, wanted to be under him, and yet she was still subconsciously trying to hold him at arms length. Why?
“I do love you.” She said turning around to face him. Her hands dropped from her head, as she secured the last twist to her scalp. “I love you, and I need you, I’ve never wanted anything like I want you but…I’m scared. I don’t know anything like this.”
“Then why don’t you say that? You have to tell me how you feel and show me these emotions, you like to keep so hidden, Yeon. Why are you afraid to fall?” Jay stood up, he knelt in front of her, his hands on her thighs, her over sized t-shirt hanging off her frame.
Yeon wouldn’t look at him. Her eyes were brimming with tears, and she felt her bottom lip wobble. She knew she couldn’t speak without the tears falling. Jay saw this too, and he rubbed the skin on her thighs, his lips kissing gently at her knee.
“Talk to me. You wanted to spend so much having sex, that you never talked about what you wanted. Or was I something different? Something daddy didn’t want so you clung to me?” He turned her face towards him.
Yeon let a tear fall as she blinked. “Don’t say that. You aren’t some toy to me.”
“Then tell me.” Jay insisted.
“I don’t know. I want to be happy, I want to be with someone, who gets me, and meshes with me and makes me happy. I want to feel free, and I want to be caged with love but; I’m just afraid that if I give up too much, I’ll just…” She stopped talking, wiping her eyes.
“You’ll lose yourself?” He asked, and she nodded in response.
Jay stood up bringing her with him. He wiped her eyes with his thumb. “Yeon. You’re too much of a woman for all that shit. You know that, and so do I. Stop thinking about how you need to be you, and just do it.”
He hugged her body close to him, feeling himself react with her so close. Her arms snaking around his waist, Jay put his cheek on top of her head, smelling her shampoo and the smell of olive oil. He loved her smell, the warmth of her body.
Yeon sniffled. “Is this us making up?”
Jay smiled, rubbing her back. “I mean we aren’t naked in your bed. So not really.”
Yeon pinched his arm and he laughed. “Ouch, woman!”
He slapped her bare ass, squeezing it. “I should trust you, yes, I’m sorry for rude shit I said. However;” He lifted her face to look at him, squeezing her jaw a little as he did so. “I mean what I say. If I tell you that I don’t feel comfortable with someone, or I don’t want you to be alone with someone, like this right here…I mean it. Are we clear?”
“We’re clear.” She answered, standing on her tip-toes to brush her lips across his.
Jay put his mouth close to hers, savoring the moment of their kiss. He took a deep breath as she came near, his mouth on hers. He felt her tongue leap across his lips, and the flame within him grew. It never died, just needed to be stoked a little. Yeon’s arms went under his shirt and he lifted his hands above his head, helping her remove it.
Back they fell onto the bed, she sat on top of him, his hands on her ass, she covered his chest in kisses, moving her way back up to his neck. Jay’s hands found the hem of her night shirt removing it, his hands rubbing the soft orbs under her shirt. He could get used to this, he wanted to settle down anyway. Having someone to come home to every night. Jay watched as she stood up turning off the light in her room.
“Ohh lights off, it’s about to go down.” Jay joked with her, as Yeon helped him out his pants.
“You know what you’ve never done for me?” She asked, as she got on her knees in front of him.
“I’ve done most things you’ve asked me. Unless you wanna role play or something.” Jay, pulled down his boxers, his length springing free.
Yeon smiled, the dim light from the bathroom, pooling into the room. She licked her lips, her hand rubbing his member, as she stood up to kiss him once more, before getting back into position. “You’ve never sang for me.”
Jay chuckled. “I actually wrote you a song.” He sucked in a breath as he felt her tongue.
“Called?” Yeon said, in between kisses and licks.
“Dilemma.” He answered, as she devoured him. “I’ll…I’ll sing it…uh fuck it let’s just finish this first.”
She laughed as he pulled her onto the bed. The next sound that came from the room, was her soft groans, and Jay’s quiet whispers.
That was the end of Dilemma! In all honesty, I want to do JB next, but I have no idea what I’m gonna do. Maybe I should set up a poll so y’all can vote. Do some BigBang, or EXO or BTS…I think I’ll do a poll. Thanks for reading guys!
theyre one of the very few things im afraid of but i have good reason
when i was little my family which im am the youngest of by far was talking on the front porch about grown up things like moving houses or something, and we had fig newtons to satisy my child attention span and i was happily munching on them. eventually the conversation moved to the inner foyer but we had forgot the newtons! i only realised this after a few minutes of being inside and of course ran outside to get them. i brought them back in with me and didnt look down before grabbing one and shoving it in my mouth whole.
what i didnt realize was
-it was summer
-missouri has kind of a bug reputation
-bugs like sugar just as much as i do
so i took two whole bites before i felt something wriggle between my teeth, and only then did i look down at my craton of figgy beauty to find it /swarming/ with little black bugs
i raced back outside and spat over the rail into the bushes and when my family asked what was wrong i told them i had ants in my mouth and showed them the craton. they laughed. right in my four year old face. and i started bawling because we didnt have any water on hand to wash them out with
im a super oversensitive person so my feelings were deeply hurt and i have never liked ants or fig newtons ever again
and whenever i tell this story people laugh but my inner four year old’s pride is very hurt when they do
Summary: You break one of Calum’s most prized
possessions, and it lead to something you didn’t expect.
A/N: It’s not very long, but I’ve been trying to get this done for the longest and I didn’t have a specific way to go(or any) but now I do.
“Calum, I said I’m sorry. It was an accident, I didn’t mean to do it on purpose!” You sat down in front of the coffee table where your boyfriends favorite bass guitar laid in broken pieces.
“HOW THE FUCK DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY RUN INTO MY GUITAR, THAT WAS GUARDED BY A GLASS BOX AND ON THE WALL MIGHT I HAD, AND BREAK BOTH THE GLASS AND MY GUITAR.” He yelled at you, pulling at the roots of his hair in frustration. “I mean, I’d understand if you had tripped, but you were running towards my guitar. How do you accidently run towards my guitar.” He gritted out through his teeth.
You looked down at your hands, the bandage wrapping your hands hiding the many tiny cuts that you had gotten when you tried to stop yourself from bumping into the wall. “I told you, I wasn’t intentionally running towards your guitar. I was just running into the music room to get something I forgot, and when I realized I was going to run into something, it didn’t register in my mind that it was your guitar before it was too late.”
“Bullshit.” Was all he said before he walked out of the living room, walking towards the fridge. It took a couple of minutes for you to respond, you couldn’t believe he was acting like this.
BTS reacting to you having toothache and not being able to eat, speak and sleep
Thanks for the lovely request, anon, I hope you are feeling better soon <3
“Hey, sweetie! I cooked us some nice steaks and potatoes…What?” He asks confused as you hold up a note which says ‘I have toothache and cannot eat nor speak properly’.
“Oh I see…okay I could make you some mashed potatoes then with mashed vegetables if you like to? I won’t eat the steak today so you don’t feel bad…we can eat it some other day, now sit down on the couch I will get everything ready.”
Comes home at 3am, only to see you sitting straight in bed with a cool pack on your cheek, having a sleepy expression on your face.
“Can’t sleep because of the pain…oh my poor baby, let’s get you comfortable. I will get you another cool pack and a pain killer, maybe? And then you will try to sleep? If you can’t I will stay awake with you the whole night until you just fall asleep.”
As soon as you want to try to protest by whining because you want him to sleep because of his exhausting day, he raises his hand assuring and takes your hand in his:
“Don’t worry I am fine with that. Now lay down, I get you the cool pack, this one is already warm.”
“Oh no how am I supposed to survive without hearing your beautiful voice…what could we do the whole day which doesn’t involve exhaustion, talking and lots of eating? We could watch one of your favourite movies and relax a bit? If you want to? (Y/N)?” Hoseok turns around to see you, having fallen asleep on the couch due to a sleepless night before.
“Or just sleep, my beautiful princess.” He smiles while covering you with a blanket, making sure you are comfortable.
“(Y/N)? Do you need anything else?” Namjoon asks as he enters the room with a hot tea for you, seeing you on the couch reading a book.
“Baby, I know you have nothing on the eyes but it is still to exhausting for you to focus on a book after having slept for only 4 hours…you should close your eyes and not exhaust yourself even more, you know that won’t help your toothache at all…give me the book, I will read out loud for you.”
(replace phone with book xD)
“I bet this is the last thing you want to hear now but…” He begins, already being given a suspicious look by you sitting on the couch.
“But I know your teeth hurt but your legs don’t and I think a bit of fresh air won’t be too bad for you. Sitting in the apartement all day isn’t too good for you, you need some fresh air and some sun, maybe? I mean we don’t have to go for a one hour walk, how about 20 minutes around the park near your apartment?” He suggests.
“(Y/N), we have to talk.” He starts and lets himself fall on the sofa next to you, causing you to whimper slightly at the impact of his fall which made your teeth even hurt more. You give him a questioning look.
“You have been giving me the silent treatment all day long now, not having said one word…what is wrong, what did I do to deserve that?”
You give him the ‘are you serious’-look, scribbling something onto the paper in front of you, explaining that you still had toothache.
As he read the note, realization hit him and he turned reddish:
“Ooops, I already forgot your teeth hurt…I am so sorry, sweetie, forget what I just said.” He says as he hugs you tightly.
“Okay we need to find something which will distract you from your toothache for the rest of the day.” Jungkook smiles cheekily which never was good in the first place. You know what your boyfriend’s plans were-chaotic and childish but also effective.
“That’s why I bought a new video game we can play all afternoon now. Good distraction, you focus on playing, you rage and forget about your pain and it increases your concentration skills…it is a win-win-situation, obviously.” He says excitedly which makes you chuckle silently.
Following up on my previous headcanon that elves hatch from eggs… got me thinking of different incubating practices in different elven cultures….
They were at it again.
By this point in his life, Hawke had mostly just learned to stay out of it when his companions began to argue. It was almost impossible to have any kind of truly peaceful excursion, he’d learned, without at least two of his friends picking fights with each other. Especially if he was bringing along Anders – and it was dangerous to not bring along Anders, as talented a healer as he was – and Fenris. Those two seemed incapable of speaking more than ten words to each other without getting into an argument, and Maker help him if he tried to make peace; if he took one man’s side, the other would grow upset, and if he tried to conciliate, they’d both turn on him. Secretly, Hawke had come to suspect that they both just really liked to argue.
The only thing that Anders and Fenris could agree on for more than a few sentences was Merrill, so on a day like today – making camp among the rocky foothills of Sundermount with two elves and a feathered mage in tow – the raised tones behind him were as inevitable as the first patters of rain.
For a change, it was actually Merrill who introduced the topic. “I’ve always wondered something, Fenris,” she began, her tone bright and chipper as always. “About the elves who live in Tevinter. Where do they nest?”
“What?” Fenris sounded incredulous.
“You know,” Merrill said, “nest. Where do they keep their eggs during incubation? Us Dalish usually nest in the trees, of course; it’s safer that way, and easier to keep out of sight from the ground. And in the alienage they usually keep them safe and warm in the back rooms. But I guess in Tevinter you don’t have many trees, do you? And maybe not so many safe and private spaces. I guess I just wondered how the elves in Tevinter handled it.”
“Eggs?” Fenris sounded confused. “What are you blathering about, witch? Do you imagine slaves in Tevinter have free leave to raise chickens in our back yards?”
Merrill sighed, with that particular note in her voice when her feelings were hurt and she was trying not to show it. “Chickens, really? That’s very hurtful, Fenris,” she said. “I know you don’t really identify as an elf, but you must know what I’m talking about. Where do the elven women of Tevinter lay their eggs? How do they keep them warm and safe until the elfling pips? I’m just curious…”
“Pips?” Fenris echoed incredulously. “Are – what – are you trying to imply that elves hatch from eggs?”
“Well, yes…” Merrill blinked at Fenris. “Where did you think baby elflings came from? Surely you didn’t think we just drop out, like the humans do? With no shells at all?” She seemed to come to a sudden realization, and her eyes widened. “Oh Creators, I completely forgot. You don’t have any memories of that time at all? The first fledging of hair? Losing your egg-teeth? You must not remember your mother’s nest at all. How sad!”
“I… I…” Fenris stuttered for his composure. “I know nothing of such things. And I wish to know nothing of such things! I do not remember… that… and I never intend to…” He stood up, scrubbing his hands over his scalp intently. “Excuse me. I am going to find a mountain stream and bathe.”
He hastened away, a flash of silver through the trees. Anders, who had been listening to the whole conversation without comment, shook his head and turned to Merrill. “That was evil,” he said, but it sounded more like a compliment.
Oliver on Vacation (Olicity AU Fanfiction) Chapter 17/18
Summary: Olicity AU. When Oliver Queen’s best friend, renowned psychiatrist Dr. John Diggle, encourages the stressed-out CEO to go on vacation, Oliver can’t believe Digg’s “vacation” choice is actually a psychiatric retreat nestled deep in the Blue Ridge Mountains. Oliver simply doesn’t think he needs this kind of intensive therapy. And he definitely doesn’t think he needs the attentions of Felicity – the frivolous, frolicking forest fairy who flits her way into his life and challenges all his assumptions. What Oliver doesn’t know is that he’ll never be so happy to be proven wrong.