RFA + V & Saeran's reaction to like an MC with a compulsive shopping problem like "MC when will we ever need fifteen scrub daddies?" Kinda thing. Because lemme tell you late night infomercials will get to you eventually.
✿ this sure is a blast to the past.
- Questions you? This boy enables you.
- By month two of living together you own a menagerie of snuggies, an armada of specialized shower slippers, and a single Obama chia pet that lives on the kitchen counter.
- He wanders in at the middle of the night to you sprawled out on the couch, watching the infomercials flicker in a daze, and he sits down in a stupor near you to sip his coffee and watch what’s occurring on the screen.
- “Flex-tape,” he says to himself softly. “We could fix anything with that.”
- “Yeah,” you say.
- “Like the bumper of our car. And that leaky bucket. And the chair that keeps falling apart!”
- “Yeah,” you say again, pulling out your phone.
- Seven thinks this is hilarious. Zen tries to stage an intervention. Jumin is endlessly entertained by this silly commoner practice, and ends up taking one of your Forever Comfy Cushions for his own purposes.
- “What are you buying,” Zen says, accusation permeating every inch of his flat voice. Nothing! you insist, but he doesn’t believe you.
- He never believes you.
- Zen loves you and thinks the sun itself shines in your eyes, but he also knows that you have a problem and knows that you do not need another specialty home improvement product.
- “But these are cool!” You insist. “And useful! They’re feet for your chair and they keep your floors from getting scratches and YOU CAN’T TELL ME OUR CHAIRS DON’T NEED SHOES, ZEN. THEY’RE NAKED.”
- “OUR CHAIRS ARE NAKED, ZEN.”
- zen doesn’t understand. he’s lived a life of complete asceticism, often not even having the bare necessities of life. and here you are, filling his home with useless junk.
- like really.
- why do you need magnifying lens glasses.
- you don’t.
- y o u d o n ‘ t.
- god save this poor woman it’s like dating jumin if jumin had some weird discount shopping fetish.
- The word “sale” just gets you going like no other, and more than once have you shaken Jaehee awake saying that oh my god there’s this cooking product on tv and it looks so useful i could use it to make you perfect roasted apples AND over easy eggs and if we order now WE GET TWO
- CAN I, JAEHEE
- “go to sleep, MC,” jaehee says like a prayer, but she knows that god isn’t listening.
- you’re going to order it.
- you’re going to inflict this upon her.
- …she is kind of grateful though when she realizes how damn handy your stupid Chop Wizard is for slicing onions. No more teary eyes. It’s like a miracle.
- whenever you open your mouth, Jumin hears a great idea while everyone else hears utter insanity..
- Of course you need five pairs of ant-resistant socks, MC! That sounds like a great idea. Get five for me, too.
- Of course you need Hydro Mouse Liquid Lawn to promote healthy lawn growth, MC! It doesn’t matter that you don’t have a lawn, it sounds useful for the future.
- Of course you need a Super Duper Ultra Hi-def HDMI cable, MC! That way we can watch cat videos on the TV in crystal clear quality.
- Of course we -
- MC IS THAT A LUXURY CAT CONDO ON TV?
- BUY IT IMMEDIATELY.
- jaehee has to get a storehouse for the Weird Bullshit you acquire and she also wants to die.
- He turns infomercial shopping with you into a party game, where you pick random things to buy, and when they arrive, the pair of you try to find the most improbable uses for them ever.
- Your house turns into this weird, Post-Apocalyptic style wreck where everything is crafted from jury-rigged infomercial products, and Seven is just Loving Life.
- You have cabinets made out of multicolored duck tape and egg beaters, which you used your 5 Second Welding Wand to create.
- Your walls are made out of magic mesh, which you panted with your Specialty Paint Spray Applicator
- Seven turns the set of miracle knives you bought into a makeshift home security system.
- The 124-pack of magic, color changing markers was the best purchase of your collective lives, and you color in your ramshackle home, content with no one wanting to visit you ever.
- V cannot say no to you, which is unfortunate, because someone really needs to say no to you.
- Egg powder! Super choppers! Hey V, do we need a callous remover? S-sure, he stutters, and you buy that too.
- You own five different kinds of furniture powder, eighty-one types of cleaning supplies, a drawer full of compression socks, and a case of Furniture Fixes to Lift Your Sagging Cushions™
- Your house is somehow both pristine and also filled with junk. RIP V’s artsy minimalist lifestyle.
- …Some of the products actually end up being pretty helpful for helping him deal with his blindness, though, so he’s thankful for that, at least.
- HE IS JUST AS BAD AS YOU, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO TOYS
- like seriously, you come home and you’ve got another box of weird gimmicky art supplies like air-blowing magic markers and color-shifting crayons.
- You have a jolly old time using them to decorate the new apple-slicer Saeran bought.
- He gets a “make-your-own-crayon” kit and, well, that’s your Tuesday!
- He tries to buy you presents, too, like new pots, pans, and a third pressure cooker, and you’re always so happy!
- Finally, someone who gets it!
- Finally, someone who understands!
- You have a tool for every situation! Who cares if your house is going to burst?
- …Eventually, Vanderwood convinces you to give some of the excess to charity, because this is ridiculous.
- “Can I - “
- "But it would be so - “
- “It’s so cheap though –”
- “N O,” Vanderwood declares like a Roman judge, then turns off the television. They are not allowing this. They are not playing this game. They are not –
- Was that a shower scrubber?
- Shit, let’s get ten.