i just put random shit on there

House on the Rock Day

Soooo many pictures. Too many for the Twitters, so I’m dusting off the ol’ Tumblr.

In anticipation of next season’s American Gods, my girlfriend and I visited the House on the Rock. It’s a little hard to explain, but here’s the short version: an architect/engineer climbed up a rock and built Frank Lloyd Wright’s worst nightmare. It struck Neil Gaiman so deeply he included it as a critical location in American Gods, and it’ll be featured in season 2 of the Starz series.

So we went. Behold.

This was what greeted us when we pulled up: a ¾ full parking lot, and a big one at that. I was a little surprised; Gaiman’s descriptions of the place gave me a seedier, hole-in-the-wall vibe, but this looked like some mid-level theme park entrance. Hmm. 

We started the tour and ventured around … and I was starting to think we came to the wrong place. Sure, the statue in front was kind of iffy, and some of the rooms looked a little retro, maybe gauche … but not the mindfuck I had anticipated.

Then … then we came to the Infinity Room.

… um. Okay. Hey, there’s a glass floor at the midway point, what’s under ther–

What are those, bushes? Wait … treetops?

HOLY FUCK YOU BATMAN IT’S AN UNSUPPORTED ROOM HANGING OUT OVER A FUCKING CLIFF YOU GO JUMP UP AN ASSHOLE

(It also creaks and sways. I thought it was just an old house, not a FUCK YOU CLIFF OF DOOM.)

Once back on solid ground, we found a door.

After that, shit got … weird.

I call this the Impractical Rejected Weapons from Fallout 3 collection.

Including a literal HAND CANNON. What the what?

Um.

This is getting unsettling.

The pooping dog piggy bank’s eyes won’t stop following me.

Ooohhhkay … hey, look!  Another one of them doors!

I wonder what’s behind this–

… well, I would have never guessed “replica American Main Street inside a house.” You win this round.

“I wish I was BIG.”

And because why the hell not, he’s a goddamned carnival pipe organ.

Then we came to this sign.

What? Bullshit. Bullshit you have a whale in this house. I will *shit myself* if you have a whale in th–

OH FUCK YOU MATE.

NO FUCK YOU THAT IS A THREE STORY TALL WHALE.

THAT IS A THREE STORY TALL WHALE FIGHTING A GIANT SQUID IN YOUR HOUSE YOU HAVE TOO MANY DRUGS

YOU PUT A FUCKING MOTORBOAT IN ITS MOUTH WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU

THIS DUDE GETS IT.

“I have seen some shit.”

And after the whale was just menagerie after menagerie of random audacious bullshit.

“Hello, I’ll be waiting in your closet tonight.”

“YOUR SILENCE GIVES CONSENT.”

Okay, this made me smile.

Fun fact: Burma Shave ads were the precursor to WTFIWWY.

Wait, where is that noise coming fro–

Oh yeah! There’s a HUGE assortment of these weird mechanical music machines assembled from real instruments, electronics, pneumatics, and madness.


But it doesn’t stop there.

Then we stumbled on the “Abominations in the Sight of God” section.

And at the very end … this. If you’ve read American Gods, you know *exactly* what this is. If you’re only watching the show, consider this spoilers for season 2.


Then we went outside, and there was a kitty.

I petted the kitty.

The end.

Bonus: Here is a machine that perfectly replicates the sound of Steve Martin falling down a flight of stairs.

mcelroy dialect ive picked up

“buckwild”
“they horny for this one”
“got it in one”
“shits popping off”
“robust”
“discrete”
“good good/sweet sweet”
“yyeeUP”
“gashapon”
“in a major way”
“am i good?”
“its very sick”
“UH OH, OH NO, WHOOPS, OH NO”
“banger”
“whip”
“straight ____, dog”
“aw beans”
“just that random irreverant south park humor”
“zag on em”
“hachi machi”
“vis-a-vis”
“its real ____, innit?”
“boy”
and also griffins musical way of speaking and putting random emphasis on things

I was looking around and apparently people who don’t like Noctis also protesting that he shouldn’t get in Tekken? That he is a jrpg character from high fantasy setting with sword, magic, etc so he don’t fit in..?

..But it’s a franchise where you have not only one but two laser shooting Devils, a bonafide Angel, aztec god, narcoleptic vampire, chainsaw-wielding android schoolgirl, boxing kangaroos, bodyguard bears, and walking trees among many other thing. Adding a mere magical Prince won’t put a dent in mumbo-jumbo that is Tekken universe.

Design wise? He fits among them just fine. 


Actually he look more out of place when placed with some of his FF senpais. Here you have serious looking, fully armored Warrior of Light and equally heavily decorated paladin Cecil. …..And then there is Noctis, looking like he stumbled into a wrong cosplay con.

“Who are they? Why I’m here?”

a review of rainbow now that all my thoughts are together
  • bastards: great opening song. a++ gravelly/sorta raw vocals. i feel like this is gonna be an especially good anthem for high schoolers tbh like it's just such a nice "it's gonna be alright" message.
  • let 'em talk: 2010 kesha meets 2017 kesha. play this at the club tbh. but like....a classy club, u feel me?
  • woman: i'm a boy and this makes me wanna scream that i'm a motherfucking woman out the car window at random passerby
  • hymn: if kesha wants to start a church where they play this song i will be at every goddamn sunday mass.
  • praying: what can i say about this that hasn't already been said? i am just sO PROUD OF KESHA ROSE SEBERT
  • learn to let go: this is the ultimate upbeat anthem of recovery. the kind of thing that you dance to in your bedroom to feel better on a shitty day.
  • finding you: um???? did someone say 'sequel to past lives'??? this is just so cute y'all put it on your mixtapes and all that gay shit.
  • rainbow: no wonder this is the mf title track. the way her voice is so genuine and kind of shaky and powerful all at once. the piano. the way it swells and grows stronger just like she's gotten stronger. this is where i died the first time tbh
  • hunt you down: the "boy i'll murder you if you piss me off" anthem all the lady country singers wish they wrote
  • boogie feet: once again, a throwback to old kesha. eagles of death metal are the reason we put eagles on the list of protected animals obvi
  • boots: soundtrack for the female james bond movie we all know we want
  • old flames: DO I NEED TO SAY ANYTHING BESIDES DOLLY PARTON
  • godzilla: this shit is the cutest thing i've ever fuckin heard what the goddamn fuck
  • spaceship: i could fall asleep to her voice in this song but in the best way. what a nice, soft way to end an album. a++. 10/10
cute couple things — p.p.

summary : extended dating peter would include… ft. a bunch of random thoughts i had about peter being a cute soft boyfriend !!!

  • reads your favorite books and memorizes lines from them that he can sneak into conversations to make you smile :)
  • it’s v hard for him to not look at you when he’s with you he just always wants to be looking at your face
    • “it’s, like, really hard to stop staring at you”
    • “huh?”
    • “you’re so pretty i can’t stop looking wow”
  • lights up !!!! when you walk into a room even if he’s just seen you two minutes ago and you were only in the bathroom for like a second
  • kisses you all of your face whenever he can just infinite amounts of kisses pressed across your cheeks and your nose and your eyelids 
  • he doesn’t really do nicknames like he’s not a darling sort of person
  • if he’s gonna call you anything it’ll probably be babe/baby/pretty girl or something of that sort
  •  (i started the pretty girl trend on the low don’t @ me)
  • sometimes you call him bro and he gets so offended 
    • “listen,,, peter,,, bro,,,,”
    • y/NNNN i’m not bro!!!!!!”
    • “k bro”
    • “you’re the worst” 
  • his face resembles that of a disgruntled pouty kitten whenever you call him bro
  • in school he taps his cheek lightly while facing away from you until you give him a kiss there and does that periodically throughout the day until MJ throws a pencil at him
    • “peter enough she’s kissed you like fifty times in the past twenty minutes haven’t you had enough”
    • “it’s never enough”
  • hands down gives the best hugs ever!!!! sweetest, softest, warmest hugs that you never wanna leave and they leave you a blushy mess for hours
  • nerd who tells you that you’re prettier than any star in the sky
  • will fight for your honor even if it means getting punched in the nose by one of flash’s bigger friends because flash won’t take on peter himself
    • “fuck peter why would you even call flash a giant dick??? like i know he is one but why would you ever you know his friend is like some sort of mutant tree”
    • “he said your butt was nice i can’t just let that sort of comment slide babe it’s unacceptable”
  • always knows he can rant to you about science bc you actually listen!!! and you care!! and you ask questions and you make him SO HAPPy!!
  • asks for permission to do everything
    • “hey would it be cool if i held your hand right now”
    • “yes of course”
    • “oh awesome!”
  • you send him selfies and his replies vary but they’re usually along the lines of
    • “oh my gosh you’re so cute i’m coming over”
    • “i love you you angel let me kiss you tomorrow”
    • “wow i have a real liFE ethereal as the love of my life i love the world”
  • sends a goodnight/goodmorning text every day with each heart emoji he can find 
  • his entire recently used section is just different colored hearts and rainbows and sparkles because he uses emojis obnoxiously
  • he’s convinced that the worst thing in the world is having to leave you after a long day of hanging out on a saturday or something
  • will 10/10 complain for hours to may about going home because he’s not with you anymore and he’s clingy
  • you’re his best friend and he’s not afraid to scream about it
    • “my best friend is dating me!!!!!!! i’m so lucky i love them so much” 
    • “peter we know”
    • “well now you know just a little extra all right?”
  • wishes you were able to fall asleep in his arms more often but you’re still young and he’s like oh well we have forever to do that
  • you insult each other all the time basically but??? you both love it banter is everything
      • “penis parKER flash is clever tbh”
      • “you’re such a little shit i’m actually going to fight you”
      • “seriously i dare you put your fists up now”
  • if you post a selfie and he doesn’t like it right away you’ll text him seven times in a row hinting that he should go like and comment 
  • texts at four am about random conspiracy theories or weird facts that only you two would find interesting 
  • shoulders = pillows on the train/bus most of the time
  • he is such a slut for having his hair played with ngl
  • it makes him so happy n calm he could lie like that, with your fingers just raking through his hair, for hours on end
  • he’s never felt more at home than when you’re sitting with him at his kitchen table eating mushy mac and cheese that he tried to make himself because may wasn’t home to help him out as you playfully make fun of him for ruining pasta
  • listens to ed sheeran songs with you because he’s an ed lover honestly and every song makes him think of you
  • hand massages when you’re cramping up after long tests or in class essays that leave you super stressed n anxious (fuck u ruby thx for the idea that murdered me n my soft spirit)
  • knows how to settle you nerves better than anyone else and vice versa
  • puts his hands on your cheeks before he kisses you 
  • you always joke about spidey in class and no one gets what you’re saying but he does and freaks out
    • “that’s a sticky situation”
    • “y/n” 
    • “don’t worry i found that on the web
    • y/n
    • “do you think spiders are men
    • “oh my gOD”
  • he doesn’t care at all if you take one of his sweaters or all of his sweaters he just gives zero fucks you could take them all and he’d love you for it 
    • “here take this one too”
    • “peter i have too many and it’s almost april”
    • “but you’d look so cute in this one” then he pouts and you’re a goner
  • peter writes you tiny notes in class that are his weird thoughts and ramblings and feelings but you save them all and put them in a memory box
    • there was one and it said here’s a concept : you have a bright future ahead of you, and i’m there. i like that concept.
      • you did, too
  • watches every cheesy romantic movie on netflix with you not just because you want to, but because he does too and he can’t help it that’s just how it is 
  • matching ugly christmas sweaters at christmastime because peter parker is an annoying headass and refuseS to go anywhere without one during the holiday season and if he’s wearing one he’s making you match
  • super spidey strength allows him to give you piggy back rides all throughout manhattan when you guys head to the city 
  • makes you kiss him in the rain even though there’s water up your nose and your hair is matted to your forehead 
  • one text makes your heart go !!!!!!!!! because that’s your boy!!!!! and you love him so much because he’s a lovely beautiful person that deserves the world !!!!!
  • making out is rarely super fast n intense like it’s still intense but you go slowly and you can make out for hours without a c are in the world
  • makes sure his hair looks nice before he goes out on a date with you
  • tells you that he loves you and that he’s happy you’re a part of his life as often as he can manage 
  • just wants to love you unconditionally forever
  • texts you at 11:11 every night and says something cheesy as fuck like “you’re my wish tonight babe” or “11:11 is always for you” and sometimes he’ll @ you on snap and you’re like wow we’re That couple 
  • but honestly???? you don’t care that much he’s so cute
  • knows your order at every restaurant/fast food chain/coffee shop imaginable and if he happens to pass by a mcdonalds or dunkin donuts while he’s swinging around queens he tries to pick something up for you 
  • you love his eyes you could probably get lost in them they’re gorgeous
    • “peter your eyes are so lovely i hate you”
    • “aw i love you more babe you say the sweetest things to me”
  • you think his smile is the prettiest thing ever
  • and when his face scrunches up when he’s super happY???? amazing you kiss him immediately everywhere and he gets so flustered and he giggles and tries to squirm away but not really
  • cause he loves it
  • and he loveS YOU
  • i love my boyfriend goodnight to all

Keep reading

Ya know what I want?

I want for the Paladins to a “spring cleaning” in the Castle and the Lions and that they find all sort of stuff, especially from the paladins before them that once piloted their lions.

I want Lance to find a small heavy box filled with small squares that resemble photos and in all of them a young happy ex-Blue Paladin is smiling bright and big at the camera. I want him to go through all the photos of their adventures where they are on with blue paladin armor along with the rest team and photos of the planets and people they saved. I want him to be motivated of that and push himself to do as good as his senior Paladin did; to help, save and care.

I want Hunk to find video clips of the old paladin of his lion where he’s almost video blogging and he’s narrating the adventures. The videos start as a formal report but then slowly turn into a journal and Hunk is mesmerized by the story telling. The stories become more personal as the videos go on and then, in one of them, there’s a second tiny person besides the old yellow paladin, cradled in his arms and Hunk gasps out when Alfor whispers Allura’s name as he stares fondly at the small Altean baby.

I want Pidge to find all kind of dry plants and flowers in one of her lion’s compartments and for her to being curious enough to look their meaning and components, to see if they were related to the nature back in Olkari, but turns out they are just harmless simple silly plants/leaves/flowers/petals from different planets. I want her to find the old Green Paladin notebook with the characteristics of each plant and it’s enough for Pidge to search and wonder why they were so important to the past paladin. I want her to feel this soothing calm breeze inside her as she learns more and more about nature and feels a better connection with her Lion.

I want Keith to find sketches. I want him to find sketches of aliens, planets, explosions, Red, all the lions together, Voltron itself, the castle. I want him to see through the old red Paladin’s eyes and see their reality, to see the calling and good and belonging they had and wishing he could be part of that. I want him to pick up that extra empty journal he finds, covered in dust and falling blank pages, and start doing his own sketches, making up his mind and starts portraying his home, his team, his family he has found and creating his own path slowly.

Keep reading

blues clues makes me so mad. If my dog made me go thru this much shit to figure out what it wanted for lunch id give it to a different family. blue out here like “imma put my dirty ass dog hands on three random household objects and make ur ugly ass figure out what I want” and steve does it!! every time!!! why cant the dog just put a paw print on the milk why steve gotta scadoodly doo his ass into a graphic novel every time blue want a fucking glass of milk w her snack. blue be like “we got all three clues” and snack time been over for two hours. id absolutely lose my fucking mind

Daily Challenge 31/03/2017

today’s random prompt: “A trans person”

I’m not kidding, out of hundreds of little papers inside a pencil case that’s what came out today. Isn’t that appropriate as fuck!?

And so I drew Jocelyne from Dumbing of Age today, I almost drew Carla again because why the fuck not? But I thought then about drawing Jocelyne out, and it was settled. I’d like to think Joyce picked out her clothes but she’d probably have a better fashion sense than me. It might be obvious by now, but I like Dumbing of Age

Now, today is the Day of Trans Visibility, and I thought of a way to, uh, “commemorate”… Well, not really. I’m just gonna stop beating around the bush about something here.

Well, this blog is run by a trans person. A girl. A girl who’s so in the closet irl she’s the goddamn queen of Narnia. So, yeah, I’m not sending any photos today, but I’m leaving this here so it’s clear for anyone who reads it

Coincidentally with all this, today sorta really sucked. So I’m ending writing this right here.

Have a good day

Watch on maggiesawyer.tk
  • Hugo: Hey, Mat?
  • Mat: What?
  • Hugo: Can I share something with you from earlier today?
  • Mat: What is it, Hugo?
  • Hugo: Well, I sent you a text early in the morning.
  • Mat: Yeah...
  • Hugo: Because I have to, uh, go out of town for one weekend.
  • Mat: Yeah.
  • Hugo: This month.
  • [Mat giggles]
  • Hugo: And so I was, like, I won't give specific dates, but I was like, "Do you have a preference if I go this weekend or the next weekend?"
  • Mat: Mm-hm.
  • Hugo: Your response.
  • [Both laugh]
  • Hugo: At 9:30 in the morning... "Mother fuckin' Jesse Eisenberg Jesus chRIST FUCK DUDE MOTHER Fuckin' Facebook movie bulLSHIT JESUS CAN YOU FUCKIN' BELIEVE THIS SHIT".
  • [Mat laughs]
  • Hugo: No punctuation. Random capitalization. So I respond, "I have no idea what we're talking about right now."
  • [Mat laughs]
  • Hugo: Forty-five minutes pass. I get a text from you. "GOD DAMN CREATED FACEBOOK AND FUCKING LAWYERS AND SHIT RIGHT FUCKIN' WINKLEVOSS TWINS GOD DAMN ROWING THE BOAT FUCK YO SHIT I CAN'T EVEN FUCKIN BELIEVE THIS SHIT HAVE YOU SEEN THIS SHIT FUCK I JUST WATCHED THIS SHIT FUCK JESSE EISENBERG MAN".
  • [Mat is dying with laughter]
  • Hugo: I say, "Mat, you're scaring me."
  • Hugo: An hour passes. You respond, "MOTHER FUCKIN SPIDER-MAN YOU PUT IN THE TIME FUCK PUT IN THE TIME MOTHER FUCKIN BUILT SHIT WITH HIS BARE HANDS FUCKIN BEST FRIEND SHIT JESSE EISENBERG I'm very tired".
  • Hugo: I'm just like, "No problem, man. I'll... I'll do most of the talking at the PTA meeting today."
  • Hugo: IMMEDIATE RESPONSE. I'M TALKING, LIKE FIVE SECONDS LATER. "NO MAN I'LL JUST TALK ABOUT THE FACEBOOK MOVIE ALL DAY SHIT MAN YOU HAVE TO BE SO INTERESTED IN THE SHIT I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THE FUCKING FACEBOOK MOVIE FUCK DUDE I JUST WATCHED IT A YEAR AND A HALF AGO FUCK JESSE EISENBERG MAN HE FUCKED OVER SPIDER-MAN CRAZY WINKLEVOSS TWINS ROWING TRENT RESIN OAR DID THE SOUNDTRACK FUCK THIS GUY WHO INVENTED FACEBOOK I DON'T LIKE DIE I CAN'T THINK OF WHO THE FUCK INVENTED FACEBOOK ALL I CAN THINK IS THE GUY WHO PLAYED THE GUY WHO INVENTED FACEBOOK WHO THE FUCK INVENTED FACEBOOK".
  • [Mat is physically wheezing from laughing]
  • Hugo: And then in all capital letters. Two hours later.
  • Hugo: "MARK ZUCKERBERG".
10 Things I Hate About You AU

Zoe just wants to go on a date to the school dance with the cute girl in her class. That’s literally all she wants. But she’s not allowed to date anyone unless her brother dates someone. Which makes her entire endeavour a fruitless one, because Connor would much rather NOT interact with anyone, let alone date. 

Jared overhears Zoe’s woes and offers her a potential fix - for a price (”Two Grand” “Two thousand dollars?” “Five hundred.” “Look, I got a hundred on me.” “Holy shit.”) and thus begins Jared’s quest of getting Connor and Evan together. 

It starts with him just awkwardly putting them in situations together and then abandoning Evan. Then Evan starts catching feelings and it is a Big Problem. 

Connor and Evan go out and skip school. 
Evan gets to meet the Soft Connor that no one else gets to see. 
Evan helps Connor sneak out of detention and they go on a cute date. 
They definitely sneak into the orchard. 
Connor has no idea why he’s just letting this random guy in. 

Meanwhile, Zoe is off having a grand ol’ time being tutored by Alana and flirting endlessly. 

By the time Homecoming comes around, Evan is like head over heels and really nervously asks Connor to go to the dance with him. Connor rejects him which like.. kills Evan inside. But then Zoe is like “please c’mon I’ll never bug you every again if you just say yes” and Connor gives in and texts Evan to apologize and say yes, he will go. 

When Connor finds out that Jared set up the whole thing at the dance, he thinks Evan is in on it and explodes on everyone. Evan has a full blown panic attack and Jared’s like… oh shit, I fucked up. 

Connor actually does his homework assignment for once and it’s super emo and sad but instead of leaving after reading his poem he sits down and glares at Evan. Evan volunteers to read his next which shocks everyone because! Anxiety! 

He stands up and reads it and breaks down crying through it. And then has a panic attack and Connor realizes that Evan was a victim as much as he was and Evan’s feels are real. 

They kiss and make up and everything is good. 

A-Z NSFW: Baekhyun

Originally posted by progamerbyun

Cr.

Donate | Masterlist

A = Aftercare 
While he’s kind of a spastic mess, he’s a very tender lover. He doesn’t want to do anything to hurt you or cause you discomfort, and he knows how much his style of sex affects you, so he’s very keen on aftercare. He’s got a thing about smells, so I can see after being rubbed down with a warm rag or after a shower, he’ll give you a little massage with some sweet smelling lotion just to make sure you’re really soft and clean and happy.

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
For him, his favorite body part is his hands(see to Kink for more). On you, he loves your legs. he loves how the warm skin wraps around his hips, how soft they feel beneath his fingers, not to mention when they’re surrounding his head…

C = Cum 
For the most part, he comes in you. But every once in a while he likes having you on your knees, and he gets to paint your chest. Of course, being the oh so loving man he is, he makes sure to clean you off too, it’s only fair since he made the mess anyways.

D = Dirty Secret (a dirty secret of theirs) 
It’s not technically a secret, but what he really does with it is a secret. Of course, being with Baekhyun means he’s away on tours a lot, and after a long discussion of making sure no fucking one would see them besides him, you let him take a few pictures of yourself…for him to take with him on tour. But he didn’t tell you that he kind of uses them daily, when you’re not around and he’s locked in the bathroom…

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)
This little bitch….anyways, EXO laugh at too many dick jokes for me to ever believe he’s an innocent baby, I don’t know if he’s put it to good use, but that boy knows too much already. If anything, EXO are pro porn watchers, fight me. Baekhyun’s hips and mouth and fingers…….he’s got the tools, and he knows how to work them.

F = Favorite position
Baekhyun’s a guy that I feel really likes just chilling, laying back, and letting you ride the fuck out of him. He likes that he can have somewhat control, holding your hips, guiding your speed or just holding you still so he can thrust up into you. Or his personal favorite, is you topping, laying your torso against his and letting him hold you, while you grind away.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)
Do you know who we’re talking about here? Baekhyun can’t hold a serious face if it meant saving his life. He’s nothing but a ball of breathless giggles in the bedroom, there’s not a serious moment in there.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they)
Baek’s so soft and mushy I love it…we’ve seen his tummy fucking hell the abs pics I just looked at for this part fml and his tummy is pretty clean, no trail. So I think he trims pretty well, I don’t think he’s bare, just keeps it nice and neat.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)
Baekhyun isn’t that romantic in the bedroom, beside telling you his love and adoration for you, most of his romance is reserved for the non-sexual part of your romance, where he tries to go above and beyond with roses and fancy dinners. 

J = Jack Off (Masturbation)
You’re not able to be around as much as he gets horny, so Baek jerks off more than he’d like to admit. He’s pretty sneaky about it, and can do it in record speed too. Anyone would think he just went to the bathroom, but nah, he’s just in there jerkin’ it.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)
It’s kind of weird, but he has a kink for his own fingers. They’re so long and slender and so so pretty when they’re trailing across your skin, making your body so hypersensitive to his touch especially when he’s thrusting them in and out of your core.

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)
Baek, while a hyper brat, is pretty lazy when he’s got time off. He’s just lounging around the living room most of the time, watching tv and eating, so naturally that’s where you are too. Aaaand that means he’s not going to give a damn about moving into the bedroom when he’s horny. Honestly at this point, when EXO has time off, and you’re at the dorm, it’s pretty much an unspoken rule that the boys stay out of the dorm, or at least give a hour heads up before returning.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)
He’s such a little shit all the time, the thing that turns him on the most is when you’re the one being a little shit. Giving him those intense looks that he knows the meaning to, brushing his thigh teasingly, lowering your voice to almost a whisper. He’s basically pushing you to the bedroom after that.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
He’s more goofy and is on the same level with you in most things, dominance isn’t his thing at all. You or him,  he’d rather you be equal in the bedroom.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)
The amazing vocalist he is, his tongue was designed by the gods for greatness, and greatness meaning going down on you. He’s a god, you don’t know if he’s trying to please you or kill you, honestly the outcome is the same. He’s going to kill you with his tongue. Your grave will say ‘died with byun baekhyun between my thighs’. Bless you. On the flip side, he’s a horny little toad and it would never cross his mind to reject a bj, he practically gets on his knees to beg you to get on yours.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)
Baekhyun’s what I like to call a jackrabbit fucker. He’s got such a fast and hard(not so much rough) pace it’s almost unbearable…almost. 

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)
He’s not the biggest fan of quickies, he normally isn’t very satisfied with one round, let alone a quick one, and he doesn’t like that, or knowing you’re not really satisfied yet either. In the rare occasions they happen, it always ends with a promise that he’ll make it up to you later, when he can really get his hands on you.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)
While he is kind of freaky dinky, I don’t think he’s that outrageous with sex. A few picks out of a kamasutra  book, a few new toys, one time you snuck into one of the other members’ room, but nothing leaves the house. No public sex or anything, he’s a mess when he’s home. I mean what’s the worst that’ll happen? The boys see Baekhyun naked? Yeah, like that’s anything new… 

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)
He does the very most…all the time. Baekhyun is such an excited puppy, he never tires out, how does he do it, what coffee does he drink, I need to know. His stamina is insanely high, he can go for probably 20 minutes(actual sex), and can last at least three rounds on the minimum. If you get in bed with Baekhyun, expect a long night.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)
I think Baekhyun would have a few toys, just some basic ones. He has some handcuffs hidden away, and a few small vibratos so he can have at his mercy and he can play with you all night long. The idiot definitely has stupid condoms, like glow in the dark and star wars themed ones…dork…

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
We all know Baekhyun is a little shit, he starts with Xiumin, eggs on Soo(cmon yall know he does it on purpose), mocks the fuck out of Tao, he’s a full blown toddler. And he’s just the same in the bedroom, you’ll probably have to threaten to kick him in the neck to get him to get on with it, he can and will tease you until you’re pretty much in tears. Little shit…

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)
Listen….the boy’s a vocalist….have y’all heard him sing? Do I have to explain the high notes? Do I really? Well anyways, y’all might as well just record your sessions, SM might be able to weave some of them high notes into a new hit song for EXO. Baekhyun is so vocal and loud in the bedroom, I almost want to recommend you ear plugs, he might bust your ear drum while he busts a nut.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)
Bacon is a joke, I know it’s not funny to make fun of foreign names, but my Nana can’t seem to understand how to fit the Hyun into that, tbh she only has like three teeth so maybe she just can’t….anyways, it was a joke, that you got ‘Baekhyun’ Lube, and of course he was like ‘tf you talking about did SM do some weird fucking shit and put out a BDSM line of exo shiz or????’ ‘nah babe it’s bacon flavor. get it? bacon? baekhyun? lol’
side note, don’t even try bacon lube, it tastes like ass

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)
Baekhun does one of the best tuck jobs in EXO and it makes me mad, Suho out there jumping in front of a stadium of fans with his dick slappin his leg, and this little bastard can’t give us more than just a few bulge pics? Smh. Anyways, Nana’s word is law when it comes to talking dicks, and in the wise words of my 60 year old grandma, “he ain’t big, shorty, but he’s like…a humper…like a bunny just goin’ at it. it ain’t big, but he sure fucks you wild.” I don’t know what that means, but I’m going with it.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)
He’s like an excited puppy, he’s always trying to hump your leg…metaphorically, that is. He’s always itching to get his hands on you, it’s a wonder he manages to remember to eat and shower when all he can think about is how to get you back in the bedroom with him and out of your clothes.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
Baekhyun’s a very clingy and lovey baby, we all know this. You can’t get him out your hair in most aspects of your relationship, and post sex isn’t any different. He wants to curl up with you, naked as ever, and sleep with his love, he’s not even going to attempt to move from that bed for a good few hours, have a nice nap y’all, congrats on gettin that good dicc.

Headcanons - Gorillaz at the mall

○ When using public restrooms, Russel is the kind of person who doesn’t want to touch anything and tries to use everything from soap dispensers to hand dryers with the back of his hands.

○ Noodle and 2D go shopping for videogames and makeup together.

○ 2D tries on lipsticks just for fun. Directly from the tester.
Sometimes he’ll even paint his nails and just walk out the store without buying anything.

○ 2D usually asks a lot of questions about products only to get distracted in the middle of the explanation and just walk away.

○ If there’s a shopping cart involved, Noodle’s sitting in it.
“Russel: Noodle please I don’t know where to put groceries-
Noodle: not my problem I’m the caRT QUEEN”

○ Noodle and Murdoc like to stand next to mannequins in store windows to see how long it takes before someone notices.

○ 2D will start any toy that has the “try me!” sign, raising hell in the toys aisle.

○ Murdoc pulls faces at the security camera.

○ Russel spends hours putting back stuff that was picked up and then abandoned on random shelves because he thinks it’s crazy disrespectful towards clerks.

○ “Ugh, do they have to put that Frozen shit on everything? Even milk bottles now?”
“You can get a regular one without any Disney princess on it, Murdoc.”
“No I want the Frozen one.”

○ Russel. Noodle. Kiddie rides.
Old grandpa Murdoc sits nearby pretending he doesn’t know them.

○ “I was wondering: if I were to grow a beard like yours would it turn out blue or-”
“Sir please, Santa’s here just for the kids, I’m going to have to ask you to get off his lap and leave”

(Edit: if you have suggestions for other scenarios do tell me!)
The Beautiful Girl With the Blue Eyes - Nolan Holloway

Originally posted by theoraekendeserveslove

word count: 7276
warnings: death, fighting, swearing, anxiety, yadda yadda
a/n: MY FIRST NOLAN FIC OMG MY BABY I LOVE HIM *squeals out more nonsense*


You were a beautiful girl, and it was the first thing Nolan had noticed when he first met you.  Now, he wished it had been in a more romantic setting than crashing into you in the school hallway, but he’d be thankful for it for the rest of his life.

“I’m so sorry” You’d said quickly, gathering up both yours and his things.  He didn’t even have the voice to say that it had been his fault.  “I wasn’t even looking I don’t even know why I’m rushing” You rambled on, and he just sat there, staring at you.  “Here” You said quietly, handing him his folder, and catching the name neatly written at the top.  “Nolan” You read aloud with a smile, and he almost coughed his throat swelled so tightly.  “I’m y/n”

And he nodded, wanting to repeat the name, but for some reason he was still a mute.  Growing shy under his stare, you had looked away and held your books to your chest.

“Well I’ll see you around, Nolan”

Keep reading

Substituting with “anything” (a quartz and rosemary-inspired rant)

Apparently this is the month of me sticking my foot in places I’ll likely regret. But I feel like this really damages the learning process for a lot of witches and needs addressing. So today I’d like to talk about this thing being told to new witches way too often: that they can use “anything” as a substitution if they don’t have X ingredient for, say, a spell jar or whatever.

Can I just say, as someone whose practice focuses heavily on herbal work, how crazy that makes me?

I am not saying spells are set in stone and substitutions can’t be made. They totally can be.

I am not saying that this here fancy spell with all these fancy, expensive ingredients can’t have a more accessible re-working done with more common ingredients. It probably can.

I am all about making spells work for less money, less time, and less privileged people. You tell me what you’ve got in your kitchen and yard, and I will help you find a way to make that into any-damn-thing you please.

I am not all about the elite-extra-special “old way” or some dead guy’s mandates on how to witch.

But when I see, “just use quartz/rosemary instead” as the generic advice for EVERYTHING, no matter what the missing component in question is, it makes me crazy.

What’s the purpose of using ingredient-based spells? No, not just for the aesthetic™. It’s to reduce the energy load on you by replacing it with stuff that ALREADY HAS a given energy, or focus.

So if you remove it and just stick a generic energy booster in there, what’s going to happen?

One of two things:

1. The spell doesn’t work as intended, because you took off a wheel and put a rocket where it used to be.

2. The spell does work as intended, but I’m willing to bet you feel the exact same drain you would have felt if you’d just done energy work… because that’s probably what you did (and a lot of people don’t realize that isn’t supposed to happen).

So while I’m not saying that you’re wrong and your spell didn’t work regardless of whatever generic substitutions you made, I am going to say that if that’s true, I wonder if you’re wasting a lot of materials in your practice.

The purpose of spell ingredients is to use the properties of the ingredient in order to add a specific energy to the spell, which reduces the burden on you to supply that specific energy, and to have highly consistent focus while doing so. If your spell calls for valerian, then there is something about valerian itself that is aiding the spell. You can’t simply swap it with cayenne and expect to get the same results. There are definitely things you COULD swap it with because they have similar properties, but not absolutely anything.

If you can swap the valerian with literally anything and get the same results, that likely means you are not actually using the valerian to help you cast the spell. You’re simply using your own energy and the herbs are set dressing.

And there’s most certainly nothing wrong with being adept at pure energy work. That’s a great skill to have as a witch. But it sure is a waste of herbs if you’re not actually using them, eh? I mean, a lot of these herbs we use aren’t cheap or readily available.

Why not just get rid of the set dressing and save yourself time and money and just do energy work? Or if you like your set dressing, use tools meant to amplify energy work, like a wand or a staff or something?

Also, I think there’s a certain level of damage being done when we tell witches who are trying to learn herbal work that anything is just the same as anything else and none of it matters.

The magical uses of herbs are often tied to their mundane uses. Let’s remember: cunning craft was the mother of medicine. To this very day, the magical uses of many herbs are tied to their physical affects. Even when they aren’t, they’re often a sort of hypersigil, and they’ve gained those associations through dozens or even hundreds of years of thousands or millions of people all imbuing them with the same purpose and energy. Most correspondences have a biological reasoning behind them, or have been basically sigilized by being used the same way thousands of times.

Exceptions and personal correspondences are a thing; I have a few myself. But these tend to be herbs that have been highly significant in my own life over a long period of time, and have consequently become a sort of personal sigil, as opposed to the cultural sigil of most broader correspondences. My personal correspondences tend to be things I have history with (even if it’s mundane), not just literally anything. Basically, I’ve overridden the cultural sigilization, by writing over it with my own over time. But that’s an exception.

It makes it impossible to learn herbal work – which is a totally different skill from energy work – if you’re proposing that none of it actually matters and it all works the same anyway. And furthermore, it’s pretty discouraging if a witch tries that, and then their spell fails, which I see with some regularity.

Witches read that they can replace “anything” with quartz or rosemary, and then they come back and say their spell is doing all kinds of weird stuff it shouldn’t be doing.

Well, I’m not surprised. The original ingredient was there to give the spell a specific property, and then someone told them to replace it with a neutral energy booster and not do anything to replace the loss of that specific property, or control all the unprogrammed energy.

So, the result is going to be a high-powered bouncy ball of a spell that just pings around doing random shit and putting holes in the wall. Because they didn’t give it anything except energy with no focus. Because you can’t just replace “anything” with quartz or rosemary.

That tripped me up for a while, as someone who relies a lot on tools. I’m an empath, and like a lot of drain-prone people, I find using ingredients helps reduce how drained I get by casting spells. Becoming adept at herbal work was really important for me to be able to cast at all with any consistency. I can DO energy work, but I don’t always wanna wind up spending the next day in bed, and that’s where tools help me.

It’s not very helpful to just say “replace it with anything.” That’s not how herb magic works.

Substitution can be done in most cases. But if you’re gonna remove a wheel, you need to add a different one that’s compatible with the car, not just strap a rocket to the axle.

So, long story short: I really wish people would stop saying you can substitute with “anything.” While I get that the intention is to try to make the craft more accessible, it just impedes people from learning how to do it with stuff that’s ACTUALLY accessible. I mean, what’s inaccessible about the stuff most people have in their kitchen? You can substitute for a lot with that!

While it is completely true that you don’t need ingredients to do a spell, it is also true that if you’re going to use ingredients, they matter. If they didn’t matter there’d be no point to using them.

If you find that you can substitute with “anything” and get the same results no matter what, then I think I can save you some time and money: just get an energy working tool instead!

  • Junkrat: *driving random Overwatch-stamped vehicle* I dunno WHY the company puts me under this kind of pressure, I’m just the FACKIN'delivery guy! THEY'RE the ones overpromisin’ customers, but I HAVE TO RISK MY LIFE to get their packages to them on time, it is ABSOLUTE bull shit. *Later* What can I do here, can I find a shortcut, here we go, up this hill, get to do a bit of a trick as well *goes flying 20 feet in the air* TO KEEP THE DAY EXCITING. Ya orda’ ya fuckin’ doll off Amazon in the mornin’, ya get ya doll in the afternoon, THAT’S OUR GUARANTEE. *fixes ramp on front of vehicle* Ya know what, the other problem is there’s TOO MANY PEOPLE on the road! *driving full speed* If all these BUMS could just get off the fuckin’ road, then they would NOT interfere with my job! Look at me kids, GET A JOB, GET A JOB, FUCK OFF, I got fuckin’ packages to deliva’, thERE ARE PEOPLE WAITING ON THEIR DOLLS OFF AMAZON! Fack off, fack off, fack off, fack off, fack off, fack off! Ya may THINK I’m actin’ Like Michael Douglas in the movie Falling Down, But *vehicles flying off* I’VE JUST FOUND A WAY TA BECOME SUPA’ EFFICIENT IN MY PROFESSION, THIS IS MY FACKIN’ CRAFT, I DON’T CARE HOW THE NEWS REPORTS IT, PEOPLE ARE GETTIN’ THEIR FACKIN’ PACKAGES!
  • submitted by dirt-luvs-turts
dating ian would include

Originally posted by ibubbbz

  • being friends with max, joji, and chad 
  •  giving him video ideas 
  •  "you should make a content cop on him. he’s honestly just the worst.“ 
  •  him always asking you to film for him 
  • you stifling laughs behind the camera as he does some dumb shit 
  • going to australia together 
  • "let’s put each other in our twitter bios" 
  • "nah. that’s gay" 
  •  "you’re gay" 
  • car sex in the Jeep honestly 
  • you wanting to have rough sex but him always making it fluffy 
  • "i’m sorry, y/n, you’re just really adorable. i can’t help it" 
  •  trying to plan cute dates at fancy restaurants but ending up saying fuck it and going to taco bell instead 
  • him being romantic every once in a while 
  •  constant laughing 
  •  hugs!! all!!! the!! time! 
  • honestly i bet that boy gives the best hugs 
  • him just texting you the most random shit just because 
  •  "i just saw a dog that reminded me of you." 
  • "what the fuck does that mean?" 
  •  "idk… it was loud and annoying" 
  •  "fuck off, ian" 
  •  talking about how much you like each other, then realizing how ridiculously cringey you sound 
  • wearing his clothes, especially the Hoodie™ 
  • you know what hoodie i’m talking about 
  • holding hands while driving 
  • just straight up adoring each other 
  • you being the luckiest cunt alive
Handled

Drabble Prompt: “Can you struggle a little? I feel like you’re taking this way too calmly and I’m worried.“

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Requested by: @torn-and-frayed


“Happy Birthday, sexy!” Your boyfriend exclaims when he saunters into your best friend’s house.

“Thanks, sexy!” You sass jumping up, wrapping your arms and legs around the insanely gorgeous man.

“You made it.” You whisper into his ear sounding muffled.

“Of course I made it, gorgeous. I would never miss this.” He whispers back leaning his forehead on yours.

“Ok ok. There’s other people here, you fuckers!” Jared cracks making you bury your face into Jensen’s neck, trying to hide flushed cheeks.

Keep reading

lilith-winchester  asked:

Can I request being friends with Daniel howell would include please?

I DON’T WRITE FOR DANNY BUT I FEEL BAD SO I’ll DO IT ANYWAY

Originally posted by arcticlester

(( gif not mine ))

FRIENDSHIP WITH THIS CRINGE MASTER MAY INCLUDE:

  • classy innuendos
  • because he’s British
  • “I am literally not okay.”
  • many times will he zone out while talking with you
  • he values your opinion
  • like a lot
  • “fight me.”
  • you calling him DaneYell HowkGell
  • him ignoring you
  • him leaning on you at first because he’s tall and then just putting all his weight on you
  • who can go the longest without swearing
  • he usually wins
  • because he’s articulate
  • screaming
  • no one knows why
  • just random yelling
  • him threatening to spill hot tea on your future children
  • you offering to help him film
  • you getting him to get shit done for once
  • him making no effort when you aren’t around
  • “I regret you.”
  • his fans loving you to bits
  • even when he tries to convince them you are terrible
  • “I wouldn’t do that, she’s vicious.”
  • Dan makes every conscious effort to embarrass you
  • accusing him of faking his accent on multiple occasions
  • just to see him try and sound more English because he’s offended
  • dancing to rude sirens together
  • Phil is very confused as to how you sometimes don’t talk for a month yet are still so close
  • you go along with each others bullshit it’s great
  • realizing that he’s an idiot
  • and so are you

_____

(A/n): okay wow never again request for Dan or Phil because I won’t write it

gosh diddily darn you are lucky I’m nice