i just needed this on my blog and took it upon myself to make that a reality

Why Being Boring is Awesome

In his advice book for creatives (Steal like an Artist), Austin Kleon has a chapter titled, “Be Boring.”

“Be boring,” Kleon says. “It’s the only way anything gets done.”

“I’m a boring guy,” he goes on, “with a nine-to-five job in a quiet neighborhood with his wife and his dog.”

Like Kleon, I’m a boring person. I do the exact same thing every day or every week. I haven’t been on a trip that wasn’t writing related in years. I almost never miss a day of work. Saturday mornings I work on my blog and every Sunday I go to church. It’s a good thing I’m a Hufflepuff, because I have the tenacity of a rock.

But things get done. (And money gets saved.)

Once in a while, I get messages from people online that go something like this:

Wow! I’ve read all the things you’ve done and what you are doing now, and all I can say is that I wish I were you and doing what you are doing!

I’m always flattered of course and appreciate each and every one of them.

But all the “cool” stuff other people see lasts about a second. They’re cool, so I share them. But most days I’m hunched over a computer for 7-8 hours. On weekdays I literally talk to 2-3 different people (I don’t have coworkers). To many people who look at me and my lifestyle, I appear utterly boring. In fact, to many outsiders, I give off the false appearance of utter stagnation. (And trust me, some of them let me know.)

I have a friend who is always out on adventures. It’s great. If he had any idea how boring I am, he might have different thoughts about our friendship …

But being boring can be awesome. Just as canyons are slowly carved out day after day, year after year, so is any “boring” productive thing you do strengthened and refined day after day, year after year.

I remember when I started blogging years ago, I looked at my friends’ blogs that were about 5 years old at the time and was a bit envious of their followers, commenters, and big backlogs. Many of those friends have moved onto other things, and that’s great. Strangely, soon my blog will be as old as theirs were at that time. Now I have my own followers, commenters, and a big backlog. Week by week this place has grown. When I began, I could hardly imagine writing so many posts. It felt so far away. But by being boring (read: consistent), week after week, it got there.

The same is true of any small, productive thing we do consistently. I’ve been doing yoga almost every day this year. I only do it for 20-30 minutes, and I don’t even leave home. I just follow yoga instructors on Youtube. Watching some of them, I feel a little envious of their flexibility and mobility. But no one got to that point overnight. Day after day, year after year, they were consistent.

I’m sure people come up to them, and say, “Wow! I wish I could do what you could do!” And the truth is, most of them can–if they are willing to put in the few minutes regularly, week after week, year after year. But often when people make such comments, they don’t fully fathom the patience, work, and tenacity it took to get there, which are all “boring” traits.

In a strange way, it seems you can accomplish almost anything, if you are boring.

Boring isn’t necessarily the same as being lazy. Though if you are boring by being lazy day after day, you will reap those “benefits” also.

People who are boring in the context I’m referring to understand this scripture:

Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass

To some of the world, I may seem foolish, doing the same things day after day. In fact, 6-7 years ago, I had a friend who honestly had the attitude that working hard at something you want is stupid and unnecessary. That person would even point out others who were working hard in derogatory ways. Last year, when that friend saw some of the “cool” things I was doing, they came to me and asked point-blank, “How do I get to do what you are doing?”

True story.

The reality is, I’ve learned a lot of significant things being boring. I’ve learned a lot about myself, human nature, society, and ideas. There is something about long-term (but productive) stability that clears your vision in ways other things can’t. I don’t know if I would have believed it if I hadn’t experienced it firsthand.

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illustriya  asked:

Kate, that second part for Ignis/royal servant was incredibly well-written! I've read it over and over and it still hits me so hard in the feels, lol. I would absolutely love a sequel to that. Not sure if you have something of your own planned, but if you're taking requests for it: maybe she's rushed to a hospital in Insomnia, she's unconscious for a few weeks and the boys comfort Iggy who spends the majority of his time at her bedside, but endless fluff when she wakes up? Thanks so much! :D

Illustriya, you flatter me.🤗 

Knowing that I was able to get some emotion out of you is a job well done in my books - especially because this angst + fluff hybrid feels a bit foreign to me.

Thanks so much for the wonderful request!

I can’t express how happy I am to be able to continue what has become the Ignis x Servant series. I’m having a lot of fun exploring their relationship.

I hope you enjoy my take on the prompt you suggested.

If you’re new click HERE for part 1 and HERE for part 2.

___

Note: Due to the fact that this chapter is meant to cover a long stretch of time, I have implemented the use of 3 large dots to signify an unknown amount of time, whether it be seconds, minutes, or hours. It is purposefully left that way to create a sense of ambiguity about the rate at which these events are occurring, and reflect the haziness and blurry nature of the flow of time for Ignis at his lover’s side as well as the s/o in her coma.

*Line breaks still cut off clean for places in time! Emboldened text will let you know where you are at that specific moment.

___

As always, I strongly recommend listening to this song on loop while you read. Especially in the case of this chapter, I think the addition of music will deepen the effects of the words being said and allow you to drift away into this alternate reality }

🌜Song: “Space Song” by Beach House🌛 


“Is he asleep?”

Gladio huffed, shaking his head.

“When have closed eyelids ever meant somebody’s awake? I swear, I don’t know how you managed to graduate high school.”

Prompto crossed his arms over his chest in defense.

“Hey – some people just take longer to blink, is all!”

“I’ll make it so your eyes blink permenantly if you keep raising your voice like that. Gods forbid we let Iggy get a moment to rest”

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Is your OTP really your OTP?

Before you read on, this is NOT and attack and I’m NOT starting a war. You can of course, freely state your opinion like I stated mine if you wish.

I’ve been wanting to make this post for a while now and I finally got the chance.

Is your otp really your otp? that’s a weird question, right? 

Let’s look at the definition of ‘otp’ first: One True Pairing. Meaning your favorite combination of characters in a fandom.

Or something like that anyway. 

I realise that in my fandom (Naruto) most people have watched it from a very young age. Most of us including myself grew up shipping the standard ships a.k.a SasuSaku and NaruHina. 

And there’s nothing wrong with that really.

But I feel like for some of us, they were forced to, or should I say, scared of considering other pairs. And you know what, they have every right to because it’s known for a fact that there are many assholes and disrespectful people in this fandom (unfortunately). 

The canon ships are SasuSaku, NaruHina, SaiIno and ShikaTema

But I think you all need to be reminded that just because it’s canon, you don’t need to approve of it. or follow it. or like it (as you can follow it, ship it or like it. it’s your choice).

Allow yourself to criticise these ships (and any other ship for the matter), to see their weaknesses and imperfections.

This might sound silly because doesn’t everyone know this already? That you can ship whichever pairing?

No, actually, not everyone does. How do I know? I was one of them.

I grew up ‘shipping’ the canon ships because everyone ships those right?!! Because they’re the actual thing! Because fairy-tales and whatnot. (note the sarcasm)

I remember when I first stumbled upon KakaSaku and was like, holy shit I never considered this, this is amazing (same thing happened to me with NaruSasu and GenIno but lets stick to KS as an example). It took a few months to become a hardcore KS shipper. To be honest, I was scared, like don’t fall for this ship, they’re not canon, just stick with SasuSaku they’re cute.

I think it’s safe to assume there’s at least one person like me out there thus why this post exists.

And here’s the thing! That’s not how it should be, you don’t need to stick with canon.

Don’t ignore the imperfects of the canon ship, allow yourself to spot them and think about them.

I always said SasuSaku were perfect and turned a blind eye onto all their imperfects because they’re canon but that’s the farthest away possible from the truth. In reality, I think it’s a really fucked up ship.

If you think about it, at first, yes they were cute, because even though he’s a bit of an asshole, he cared for his team and for Sakura. But when he left it all went downhill. He tried to kill her multiple times, he rejected her feelings multiple times (and even tho he did it harshly, he does have the right to speak of his feelings, he doesn’t love her and he shouldn’t have to, she can’t force him.) He was absent from her life for years and particularly between the ages of 13 and 17, this a period where you change the most. This is when you grow a personality. There’s no way you could actually ignore everything he did and go back straight away to being best friends. Actually, if we use it as a real life example, you can’t have barely any interaction with someone and have them constantly hurt you and still be in love with them. I know this because I’ve been in a similar situation as Sakura where my childhood crush and first love was harsh and mean and dare I say abusive to me. I did love him for years after that but he left and I didn’t see him for long. I moved on. I started to think seriously about how shitty he is. This is how feelings work. I began to hate him for all the shit he did to me.

How will you ever feel safe living with someone who once tried to kill you? it makes zero sense to me.

Besides, it wasn’t like Sakura actually had any thoughts behind loving Sasuke, she was a child who one day decided to make Sasuke their crush. Mostly because he’s cool. There is nothing wrong with that really, but it leaves many plot holes and unexplained things.

I allowed myself to question these things. How is my ship ‘perfect’ when all they did is hurt each other? How is being a single mother to a little girl whose father is always absent and doesn’t recognise her perfect?

And before someone jumps and says he’s away to protect them, whatever his reason is, it doesn’t change the reality of the situation. He doesn’t recognise his daughter. He doesn’t visit them or keep in touch with them. If he truly loved them he’d find a way to communicate the way he found a way to keep Naruto updated. Or at least found out from Naruto if they’re doing okay. Showed in any way that he cared.

People who truly love each other would go lengths to show it, to be there, to care and if you don’t think so then I don’t think you’ve ever experienced true love.

That said, this is NOT a post to convince you that SasuSaku sucks, this is my experience with it. I’m using them as an example, NOT to attack their shippers.

You don’t have to agree with me and I don’t need to agree with you. We’re all entitled to our own opinion.

As someone who claimed to be a hardcore SasuSaku shipper, it was difficult and scary for me to acknowledge these things. My Tumblr started as an SS blog after all. 

And I made this post to let you know not to be so, that when you do acknowledge a ship’s flaws and imperfections next to their good aspects, you begin to realise truly if you like them or not. I repeat, this applies to every canon ship, SasuSaku is JUST an example.

I still ship SasuSaku, but the fan fiction SasuSaku, the one with plot and feelings. Canon SasuSaku makes me feel sick to my stomach. I think it makes Sasuke a bigger asshole and Sakura a pathetic person and I hate it. (I’m not saying you should too, this is just MY opinion. The canon ship makes me feel bad and leaves a bad taste.)

So maybe be brave and give yourself the chance to think about this. Even if you personally believe there’s no way you’ll ever stop shipping your ship, don’t be scared of allowing yourself to think and criticise and like new things. Do take the time to think about it; this will either help you discover you don’t in fact like this ship as much as you thought or confirm that they’re indeed your otp. So no harm done,  really.

Don’t be scared of the assholes of this fandom who’d try to bully you or make you feel bad. You’ll most probably have your ship’s fandom, they will be there for you.

Lastly, from my experience, KakaSaku pair aside, I can truly say that their fandom has the nicest, most genuine people I’ve ever met in my life and I swear joining this fandom has been the best decision I’ve ever made. Not only are they super sweet but also super talented and chill. They’re a creative bunch who make the best art and write the best fan fiction. I’m blessed there are so many talented people who create amazing content featuring my favorite ship.

whoa, that was long man, if you read the entire thing cheers to your patience. If you’re new in the KS fandom, message me we can fangirl together. If you’re a SasuSaku shipper and were by any chance offended by this, sorry, but this is my opinion. By all means, keep doing you and shipping this pair.

Scouting

Another Wattpad request. I do not own Lindir or Lord Elrond. They belong to J.R.R.Tolkien. 

Warnings: angst, mentions of blood and violence. Fluff

Pairings: Lindir x blind!fem reader, Lord Elrond. 

Originally posted by castielsn

The sound of sniffling caught Lindir’s attention. His brows scrunched together. He followed the sound to one of Imladris’ many gardens where he found you, sitting on a stone bench and crying, your sword lying on the ground next to you. “Y/N?” You picked your head up in surprise. You’d been crying so much you hadn’t heard him approach. “Lindir.”

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In Pursuit of Fearlessness

I have started this post a handful of times and then stopped.  I guess the biggest reason why is because, oddly, it seems too personal (strange, coming from the girl who has blogged about nearly everything personal over the past two years…)

But, I can walk away from the computer or close a screen (defiantly clicking, “yes, I want to leave this screen”) but I can’t keep the blog from being written in my head.  The topic I’m balking at isn’t anything sordid or juicy…in reality it is probably, frankly, much bigger in my head than it is in real life.  

I recently visited my energy therapist (woo woo alert ahead) to undo some of the wedding stress. Inevitably, she always brings up my running, despite not knowing a thing about competitive racing.  Out of nowhere, she says I won’t see significant improvements until I let go of all my fear.  She said that while I can use my mental game techniques to overcome fears and anxieties, I won’t truly be my best until I reach a point where I don’t even need them.

Woah.

My first instinct: defensiveness.  She said something that made me feel embarrassed and vulnerable. I pride myself on being a fearless badass.  In fact, today is the two year anniversary of my blog, which means today is also the two year anniversary of my big leap of fearless faith.  That has to count for something, right?

But, when people say things that make us uncomfortable in an introspective way, there is usually a reason. While I do believe I am the most fearless version of myself that I have ever been in my 17 years (soon to be 18 years on August 1st!) of competitive running, I am not perfect.  

I think I touched on this a little bit in my last post.  For instance, the first race of the season is especially scary to me.  The indisputable truth of exactly where your fitness is at is anxiety-inducing.  Failure – however you define it – can be scary.  Sometimes when I find myself being fearful before a race, I start to make excuses long before the race has even begun, or comprise exactly what I will say about it if it doesn’t go according to plan.  And I hate myself for doing that.  One thing that has helped me has been to “rewrite the story” and change the ending to something positive.  Still, I want to be at a point where I don’t even have to call upon these workarounds.

Lately I have been setting an intention each month for myself, and July was to have no fear.  I marked off two pages in my journal and each day I list something I have done (either that day or in the past) that was fearless.  In my head, I have to wonder:  what if I can shed even 1% or 2% of fear?  What if that change led to a 10% gain in performance if I never again thought, “what if I lose?” “what if I’m not as fit as I think I should be?” “what if I disappoint myself?”

The entire week leading up to my race last Saturday (the USATF IN 5k championships), I couldn’t shake a lot of the what ifs.  The funny thing – and definitely the part that that makes me mad at myself – is the fear is entirely internal.  I have zero fear that if I have a bad race it will affect sponsorship, or that my internet supporters will judge me, or that I will never be able to bounce back.  The biggest fear that I have is that I will have to deal with the disappointment that I will inevitably feel if I run slower than I think I *should*.  

The morning of the race I didn’t want to be there.  Well, I did, I was just in that weird runner limbo where you want the race to be over and to be feeling happy about a positive effort, but if the heavens opened and a pop up thunderstorm appeared you wouldn’t be too unhappy, either….

When I arrived, I recognized some familiar faces – including a friend of mine, Sarah.  This was good and bad.  My first thought:  here is my out – assuming she is in shape, I don’t have a chance at winning this one because we are not evenly matched at the 5k (Sarah is a professional steepler coming off of a great track season), and now I don’t have to struggle with any disappointment if I fail.  Guys, that’s a really stupid fucking thought.  I went through my warm up feeling like this and then, about 15 minutes before the race, I remembered my intention for the month:  be fearless.  

When I first saw Sarah I decided my game plan would be to run my race and not worry about her if she took off hard.  This was a way out.  I could go with the excuse that I was just running my race.

Then, after I decided to be fearless, I decided that I was there to try and run as fast as possible, no matter who showed up that day.  So, I decided I would take the race out as fast as I could.  When a marathoner races a track person, you have to rely on stamina. Go out hard, hope you run the other person’s legs off.  

I essentially went out as hard as I could, given my current fitness level (just coming off of 2 months of base building, running one fartlek a week and doing strides).  I led us through ~2.5k before she made a huge move and put 40 seconds on me.  I didn’t start my watch so I don’t know exactly what our mile split was, I do know that I went through 3k in 9:57 because someone was reading splits there.  After Sarah dropped me, I focused on continuing to push.  I went through 4k in 13:30 and finished in 17:04 to Sarah’s 16:23 (huge congrats to her- she said afterwards that was a road PR).

So, the thing I was afraid of all week wound up happening:  I didn’t win.  I didn’t get the $500 check that would have gone pretty far in paying our wedding bills.  But, in the process, I ran my 2nd fastest 5k ever, which was by far my fastest season opener ever….and I’m not sure I have ever raced 5 months out from a goal race.  Last year I did this race and ran 17:40 and was devastated; but, at the same time, 17:40 was also only a few seconds off of my then-PR, so I was just looking at that race with the wrong perspective.

This pic is from last year’s race.  Compared to the picture from this year, I can see on my face that I am running from a different place, mentally. 

At the end of the day, perspective is so important.  There is something that I like to do towards the beginning of every training cycle, and that is to run a relay.  Most years, that relay is Great Lakes Relay – a 3 day, 300 mile relay in northern Michigan that is as much navigation and strategy as it is speed.

The year we won - probably not coincidentally also the year we had a full team!

A couple years ago I did Red Eye Relay, which is an overnight, 110 mile relay in Bloomington.

This year, I am running the 8 hour Dream Endurance Relay with one of my bridesmaids and a volee teammate.  The relay takes place from noon – 8 PM and we each plan to run just under 3 hours.  The forecast looks like it is going to be in the 90s and humid.

I would argue that these relays are one of the most important things that I do in my training each year.  For one, they build fearlessness.  I have no worries about running in the heat for that long, because I have already experienced that in each relay I have participated in.  Two, relays embody everything that is good about the sport: perseverance, accomplishment, teamwork, and the satisfaction of utter exhaustion.  When running takes a step from hobby to kinda-trying-to-make-a-living-doing-this, relays are a really refreshing way to remember why you got started with this sport in the first place.  

They’re also hard AF. Day 3 of Great Lakes Relay makes your legs feel unlike anything you have ever experienced.  The day before my first marathon, I remember thinking that I had survived GLR three times, so a marathon was going to be far easier in comparison.

At this level of training and competing, I’m always amazed at how many slight changes can be made in search of incremental gains.  I could run 110 miles per week instead of 100, and see improvement so long as I don’t break my body.  Better attention to fueling and recovery makes a difference, as does working with a mental game coach and a massage therapist.  

But, at the end of the day, how much does it matter if you still have fears that hold you back? This year is going to be the year of shedding any remaining fears that I have, and I’m happy that I seem to be off to a good start.  

Now Tumblr deleted ALL of my blogs.

If you happen upon this…

Once upon a time I was BrutallyUsedMeat. I had well over 120,000 followers on a blog that posted both adult gifs and extended discussions of D/s and other topics. Tumblr deleted that blog without no justification. They never answered the messages that I sent them asking for a reason for the termination.

So I reposted some content from BrutallyUsedMeat on another blog that I ran, along with the message below.

Within a few hours, Tumblr had terminated not only the blog that I had posted on. They also tracked down every other blog that I had – including three totally vanilla blogs, one of which had no sexual content at all – and terminated them, too.

It seems that Tumblr REALLY does not like anyone questioning their policy of capriciously deleting blogs without warning or explanation.

In a sense I take this as good news. It means that enough people groused at them that they wanted to make the complaints go away. The rest is now up to you.

I encourage you to reblog this, and add your own thoughts about Tumblr’s policies. I also encourage you to continue sending complaints to Tumblr. 

Tumblr needs to acknowledge their own hypocrisy. It is time for them to either: (1) Stop deleting serious blogs without warning or explanation; or (2) Stop pretending that they are a site devoted to empowering people “to make their best work and get it in front of the audience they deserve.” They two are inconsistent. You can’t have it both ways.

If you would like you express your opinions to Tumblr – and I hope that you do – you can do so with the Tumblr Contact Form.

You might also SHARE THE HOLY SHIT OUT OF THIS POST to let people know what happened. The second blog where I talked about what happened to BrutallyUsedMeat had picked up about 10,000 followers in a few days. I think there might be people out there interested in knowing what happened.

Happy 2016!

(PS - By deleting all of my blogs, they also made it much more difficult for me to contact people, since many people only accept messages from sites they follow. When Tumblr decides to gag somebody, they know how to go about it.)

_______________

I got a message from a follower today that gives me some food for thought. It read as follows:

“It’s a pisser that the mind police closed you down but good to see your back once more. Fucking love your posts. But then again GIFs of meat getting brutally fucked… What’s there not to like. Good to see other cock warriors out the promoting the sexual violence as its a fucking war and we are the frontline troops. War on Cunt!”

The thing is, the entire reason for BrutallyUsedMeat was to fight exactly that mindset!

Here are a few of the themes that appeared from time to time in posts discussing the realities of consensual non-consent, D/s and other forms of extreme sexuality:

  • Dominance and submission are more sexual orientation - more like being straight or gay - than preference. There are those who need this to have a healthy sex life. Being dominant does not make you a misogynist, and being submissive does not make you worthless or a victim.
  • D/s is grounded in trust, respect and communication. That all goes both directions.
  • Responsibility is the bedrock of dominance. I am never so focused on a woman’s well-being as I am when I am using her sexually in violent, degrading ways. That includes both physical and psychological well being.
  • It is OK to be who you are. A lot of people have a very difficult time accepting themselves. They are made to feel wrong and to loathe themselves because their sexuality is not vanilla. That is a very sad thing. From the right, this is “sinful.” From the left, it is “anti-woman.” From a feminist perspective, though, I thought the whole idea was to be empowered to be who you really are. What is the point is feminism just means trading the imposed morality of the Bible thumpers with the imposed morality of the social justice warriors?
  • D/s is to sex as the X-games are to sport. It’s not for everyone. Maybe it’s even not for very many people. But it is important that it is there, because it celebrates the full range of what it is to be human. Stated another way, vanilla sexuality is painted in shades of black and white. D/s on the other hand is painted from the full palette of all the colors in the rainbow. It draws on every emotion and sensation of which humans are capable.
  • Consent is absolutely essential. I have done many extreme things to women. But I have never done anything to a woman that I was not absolutely convinced she was OK with.
  • But with that said, the experience of non-consent is also absolutely essential. For many, it’s not real unless it’s real. That is a very, very fine line to walk. How do you ~know~ that the woman you are with wants and needs you to hurt her, degrade her, objectify her, humiliate her and force her to do things against her will, while at the same time having absolute respect for the importance of consent? Like I said… It’s all about respect, knowledge, communication, responsibility and trust.
  • This is a BIG ONE. At first glance, a Dominant gentleman and an abuse asshole might look a lot alike. That is why submissive women quite often end up in abusive relationships. But the deeper reality is that the two are diametrically opposed. So how do you tell the difference? Women, before you even start to think about letting some guy who claims to be dominant have a go at you, ask questions. Talk. At length. Ask him about the things that you worry about. Ask him about safewords and communication. Talk about what things arouse you and what things shut you down. If you are not absolutely certain that he is giving honest, well thought out answers and understanding what you say, then DON’T DO IT.
  • Most of the best subs that I have been with have been intelligent, capable, and often accomplished women. They are women whose friendship and companionship I have valued. Doormats are no fucking fun. I much prefer to use a woman who very few men could ever dominate.
  • Women I am with know that, which ups the stakes and the intensity of the experience. A girl knows that I see her not as an object, but as whole multifaceted individual. When I am beating a girl, degrading her, treating her as a piece of used meat, getting inside her head and making her sob, using her violently as she screams… I am doing that to the person she is and not just to a body in my bed.
  • Again… being a submissive woman does not make you weak or worthless. Nor does it make you a traitor to your gender. It just means that you are capable of participating in and craving a sexuality that is beyond the reach of most women. Similarly, being a dominant sadist does not make a man a misogynist. Instead it means that you are a man who can take a submissive woman where she needs to go.
  • Whoever you are and however deliciously fucked up your libido is, that is OK. Love yourself!
  • And, oh yeah… We fuck better than the vanilla lot. ;-)

I could go on… and on… and on…  In fact, that is exactly what I did in BrutallyUsedMeat, over the course of hundreds of posts. I had those discussions with followers, and heard from coundless others who had happened upon those posted discussions. It was a place where people could go to read about the realities of this life and get an affirming, sex-positive message. I put a lot of effort into that, and took a lot of pride in the resource that I had built.

That is gone now. Now I have a bunch of original gifs that are nice, but absent the discussion can leave the impression that I consider myself among the “front line troops” in a “war on cunt.”

I’m not trying to sound pompous. I don’t take myself as seriously as this all might suggest. It’s just that I fucking CARE about this stuff. I care about my own sexuality and I care about the people who are drawn to this.

I just don’t know that I have it in me to rebuild, yet again, knowing that no matter how careful I am, the day would come when Tumblr pulled my name out of the hat and decided that I would be the day’s arbitrary sacrifice.

I may post more here. Or maybe the blog will just disappear. Regardless, I enjoyed running BrutallyUsedMeat, and wish it had not been put to such an untimely, ignoble and unjust end.

May you all have a happy, successful, and gloriously, disturbingly raunchy 2016!

It’s Not All That Simple (Calum Hood Imagine) - Part 4

Originally posted by teenagedfricks

Requested: Yes

Warnings: Mentions of sex, swearing and Calum kind of uses the girl

A/N: This was a series that I did on my old blog and it’s been requested again. Tell me what you think! This is badboy!calum. Sorry I took forever :-( It’s not been proof-read.

It’s Not All That Simple Masterlist


*HIS POV*

If she’s going to be like that, what’s the point? So what if I get around with other girls, no ones stopping me? I’m not using them to downgrade or have them as objects, they’re more like a temporary fix. We all fuck up, so who is Y/N to make me feel like utter shit, I bet if she knew me as well as she thinks she does, she’d treat me different and at least get a glimpse of what I’m like. Seriously though, fuck her, if she’s gonna be stubborn and pissed at me, I’m gonna give her an even better reason to be twice as mad.




*YOUR POV*

“Mornin’ Y/N,” Luke greets, giving me a quick hug. “Mornin’ Luke.” I smile back as we walk down the corridor together. “You look happy, anything good happen?” I shake my head. “Well hopefully, the next lesson doesn’t ruin your mood.” He smiles, making me realise that I have French first thing in the morning; Calum and Danielle sitting directly in front of me. “Oh god, why?” I whine, making Luke chuckle at my childishness. “At least I’m sat next to you.” I admit, looking on the bright side. “I’ll make it worth your while.” He smiles down at me, ignoring his statement, I look at the couple - standing near the entrance of the classroom - making out. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me? “This is just- It’s not even 9am, how the fuck are they already at it?” I exclaim, the people close enough to hear, laughing at my statement directed towards Calum and Danielle. “You really aren’t a fan, are you?” He asks. “Are you?” “I dunno,” he shrugs. “They’re kinda cute with each other, she looks happy. Maybe not Calum so much, but maybe it’s the way he is in public.” How can he not see that Calum is just using her? “Maybe,” I respond, not wanting this topic to continue. “But let’s get in, I don’t want Miss to be pissed at is for being late yet again.”

The lesson had only just began, and Miss had already decided that we must work in pairs due to the shortage of textbooks. For some reason, Dani and Calum, took it as a sign to cuddle whilst sharing the book. Do you really need to have your arm around her to read a French textbook? To top it all off, he presses a kiss on her temple, the way he used to do with me after we had post-sex cuddles. Dickhead. Now he’s just playing games, he’s trying to piss me off even more than he already has. He begins to whisper sweet nothings into her ear, making her blush. “Are you okay? You look kinda… I don’t want to say ‘heartbroken’, but it’s the same face you made when you told me about your first breakup with a boyfriend.” Luke says, looking concerned. I was heartbroken, I felt so replaced by Calum. I shouldn’t, but I do. “No,” I shake my head, bringing myself back to reality. “I was just thinking.” I mumble.

“D'you want talk about it?” Looking at Calum briefly, I catch a glimpse of him. He’s facing Danielle, but his eyes are diverted to me, he’s listening to see my reaction. “Yeah, I do,” I smile. “You remember the date we went on yesterday?” I smirk, a frown forming upon the brunette’s face as the topic isn’t about him and about someone else. “Yeah,” Luke nods. “Well, I didn’t really say it was a date, b-but if you want, we can maybe go on a real date?” “Is this your way of asking me out Lucas?” My mind completely drifting from Calum and focusing on Luke’s proposal. “If you’re gonna go on a date with me, then my answer is ‘yes’, otherwise, no.” He jokes. “It’s a yes.” I smile at him, a huge grin on his face. “Cool, I’ll talk to you about it during break then. I’m looking forward to this date.” “I am too.” I admit, I hear a scoff - clearly coming from Calum. If he thinks that he’s the only player in the game, he better think twice.




“Words going ‘round that you’re going on a date with Hemmings.” A voice states the obvious, as I try get my books out my locker and into my bag. “What’s it to you?” “Well, as your friend, I deserve to know. Luke’s my friend too, so I feel the right to know.” He attempts to defend. “We’re not friends Calum, and you know it. You know well what we are, and that’s far from friends.” “We’re ex-fuck buddies, that’s right.” He smirks, eyes raking me up and down. “First of all, mentally undressing me is not only creepy but it’s inappropriate considering you’ve got a girlfriend-” “Not my girlfriend-” “You sure treat her like one.” “I treated her the same way I treated you Y/N, except I haven’t banged her yet.” He winks, he’s so gross. “Luke isn’t your friend either. You say ‘hi’ to each other from time to time, that doesn’t necessarily make you friends,” I clarify for him. “And that information is none of your business.” I affirm, dropping one of my books in the process. Reaching down to pick it up, but he beats me to it and keeps the book hostage up high, where I can’t reach. “Are you going on a date with him? It’s all I’m asking, nothing more.” He states, a smirk on his face. “Why do you care?” “Curiosity.” “It kills the cat yanno.” “Funny, original too.” He sarcastically says awaiting the information. “Calum,” I groan, still waiting. “Gimme it!” “Tell me!” “Yes, we’re going on a date. Happy now?” I huff. “Yeah, have a nice day Y/L/N.” He weirdly says, handing me the book before strolling down the corridor.

“What was that all about?” Ashton and Bryana ask, walking up behind me. “He asked about my date.” I mutter, looking away from the both of them. I could sense Bryana staring at me, she knew there was more to it than that. “Date with who?” Ashton questions. “Luke.” I state. “Again! What about ‘girls night’?” Bryana complains,. “The date will be done way before girls night, and everything will be ready by the time you get to my house.” I assure her. “Better be, I had to share Ashton with Liam because you left me for Luke.” She reminds me, making us laugh. “Luke’s a great guy- I mean you know that already- But I think you two are gonna go well together.” Ashton compliments. “Baby, can you please go find Luke so we can meet up for lunch?” She sweetly asks her boyfriend. “Yeah, see you soon.” He complies, kissing her on the cheek and walking off to find his best friend.

“Listen, Ashton may be oblivious, but I’m not. What did Calum really want?” She hisses, squinting her eyes at me. “And I want all the details, leave no info out,” Explaining her the full conversation between Calum and I, she debriefs on what she thinks Calum is up to. “I bet he’s gonna boycott your date.” “He’s selfish, but not to that extent.” “He will! He’s probably gonna get someone to make sure it goes wrong!” “No he won’t,” I defend him. “Calum would never go that far.”




“What the fuck are you doing here!” I exclaim at the pair sitting directly in front of us. “Watching Deadpool, what else?” She scoffs. Are you fucking kidding me? How did he even find out where my date was, and why did I not believe Bryana when she predicted this? “No shit, I’m asking him, not you,” I retort, getting a repulsed facial expression from her. “Calum, can I talk to you outside… Now?” He lets out a sigh, but complies by standing up. Apologising to a disappointed Luke and a scowling Danielle, we step outside the theatre room.

“What are you doing here?” “Well, Dani explained before you were rude to her.” He shrugs, thinking this isn’t serious to me. “You know what I mean Hood.” “I like this last name basis thing, it makes you sexier yanno?” He smirks. “Shut up.” I respond, rolling my eyes. “I felt like watching Deadpool again, and none of my friends wanted to come with me, so I brought Dani with me.” He shrugs. “Couldn’t you have chosen a different time, day - or I don’t know - movie theatre!” I exclaim. “I have places to be at other times; I felt like watching it today, not another day; this movie theatre is closer to home, anymore questions?” “Whats your aim?” “To watch a movie. If you think I’m here to boycott your date, I would’ve fucked it up. It may not be about you and Luke, if may not even be about Luke in general. If I was to try fuck something up, you’d know. Think harder and maybe you’ll understand my aim.” “To make me jealous?” “Now, ‘jealousy’ is a bonus, think again princess.” He winks, stepping back into the theatre room and leaving me to process this.

If it isn’t jealousy, what is it?

Look at Me - Jinyoung (Jr.)

“Are…are you crying?” He whispered.

She spun around quickly as not to let him see her face contort in that instinctive way, signaling she was hanging by her last thread. If she let him see her eyes welling up with tears she would surely come undone.

“What are you even saying,” she scoffed. Her eyes frantically moved about the room in search of something, anything, she could use to divert his inquiry. Settling her gaze on the window, she began. “You know, it’s too dark in here. I should really put up some new curtains. Ones to help brighten up the room, you know? Or maybe we should open up the windows and let a breeze through.  Oh, you know what, maybe not because the pollen’s really thick and I know how bad your sinuses get around this time of year. Remember when you sneezed all the petals off of that bouquet last year? That was so funny.” Her hollow laughter filled the small, bright living room. She flitted across the floor with her back to him talking about curtains and new end tables, sofas and perhaps a ceiling fan, all in a subtle attempt to get out of the room before her tears started to fall.

All the while he watched her. It was obvious to him what she was doing: pretend everything’s fine, like she always does, then float out of the room to cry. He could painfully listen to her sobs through the locked door and flimsy walls all he wanted, but he could never cast his eyes upon the sight of her shedding a single tear. So the more she fluttered about the room, the more he realized how deeply he hurt her. He knew his words would sting, but he had to say what he said because he too was on the verge of unraveling. She had to know that she was hurting him, and he had to be the one to tell her.

Keep reading

Chapter 17

*5 Weeks Later*

Chris

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve been in here and lately I haven’t talked to Robin. We’ve been fighting a lot and I’ve just been keeping my distance. The only time we speak is once a week when it’s time to see Christian or I call him. I love my wife don’t get me wrong, but she seems to be so insecure. I’m starting to wonder if this was the girl that I fell in love with. On top of all that apparently I wasn’t “the one for her anymore.” Her words exactly. I’ve been using my time to reflect on myself and hang with those who don’t bring negativity.

Lately Karrueche and I have been hanging out like old times. She’s been the friend that I need what I needed my wife to be at this moment. It makes me angry that we can’t see eye to eye, but maybe it’s better like this. They always say absence makes the heart grow fonder. It sounds like bullshit, but I’m hoping it’s true. I don’t need to be stressed, and I don’t need anything to push me off the rails again. If Robin can’t understand that then maybe it’s best that we don’t see each other or be together.

It was visiting hours and I was currently waiting for Kae to come through. Today was Thanksgiving and she promised she’d bring food for me. The more time I spent with Kae, the more angry I got at Robin because Kae was acting like my wife more than she was. That just didn’t make sense. She almost spent more time complaining about what was wrong rather than just being happy and letting loving me love her. Shit was annoying as fuck.

“Hey lover boy!” Kae giggled as she walked in with an entire lasagna pan full of food.

I smiled and got up to hug her “wassup girl?”

“No calls from the crew where are they?” She asked noticing I was alone.

“Family day at Ty’s. They’re all coming tomorrow though” I said taking the pan from her.

She frowned and quickly changed the subject “well let’s take a pic for Team Breezy. You know they miss seeing your face.”

I perked up the minute she mentioned my fans. My fans. I loved them so much. They were like my rays of sunshine. They loved me when nobody else did. They never judged me, never made me feel like I was a failure, and they wouldn’t hesitate to defend when no one else would. They loved me when I didn’t love myself. My fans are my everything. Fame.

“Let’s do that. I know Team Breezy be stalking everybody for a pic, so you can have the first” I said chuckling.

She pulled out her phone, and clicked on the Instagram app. We ending up taking a host of silly ussies. Amidst everything else I was glad that she was here for the simple fact that I was smiling. I haven’t really been smiling much lately. The therapy has been helping me relieve a lot of stress and anger, but I wasn’t all there.

@karrueche: “Happy Thanksgiving Team Breezy!! ❤️” from Chris …

Kae handed me her phone, and I looked at her confused “call her Chris.”

I shook my head no “nah I talked to Christian this morning already. I don’t want to talk to her. Like we we’re good or at least I thought so when I got here, but she was acting all over again.”

“Wanna watch a movie in your room? We can watch something and eat your food. You will not be in a funk around me, I won’t allow it” she said trying to sound stern.

I chuckled and shook my head “your way to small to be trying to boss me around you know.”

She immediately stood up and put her hand on her waist and grilled me “listen here mister I’m as big as they get!”

I stood up and towered over her small frame trying not to laugh “Kae don’t get dropped out here. Ain’t nobody gonna save you ma.”

“You ain’t about this life corn on the cob!!!” She said making me bust out laughing.

“That’s the best you could call me really Rue?” I asked making her laugh as well.

“Whatever! Don’t make fun of me” she said poking my chest.

I picked her up and threw over my shoulder’s and she squealed “Christopher!!! Put me down!!!!!”

“Nah, say sorry!” I said running inside the little living area set up that I had in my room.“

"I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Your not a corn on the cob!” She whined.

I chuckled and dropped her in my arms bridal style before sitting her down on the couch. I sat next to her and grabbed the remote turning on the television. She was red and trying to catch her breath still from laughing so much. Amidst what everyone thought about Kae she understood me. Reasons why I kept her around.

“Your out of shape ass ok?” I said making her laugh.

“Yeah, what we gonna watch pooh?” She asked calling me by the pet name she gave me when we first met. It’s been years since I’ve heard her say it.

“How about "Money Talks”?“ I asked and she smiled yes. We used to love this movie.

As we watched the movie and ate, I started to get angry again. Angry because this was supposed to be Robin. She was starting to make me question why I asked her to marry me in the first place. I loved her with all of me, tried to be her rock when she needed me to be, and now I needed her she was missing. It wasn’t fair.

"Hey Rue, thanks for coming here. I know it isn’t the easiest thing for you” I said making her take her attention away from the tv.

She turned towards me and put her hand on my cheek “Chris I’ve known you for almost five years now. We made a promise to each other that no matter what we’d always be there for each other. Your my friend, so I got you even if I can’t have it the way I truly want it.”

I don’t know what came over me, but the same urge I got that night in the studio was the same one I was getting again. I didn’t understand it, but instead of fighting it or pulling away from it I kissed her again. It was a soft kiss that I had the intent to intensify it, but she stopped it.

“Chris we can’t, you can’t keep doing this. Stop confusing me please” she said trying to back away, but I pulled her closer.

“Let it happen. Don’t fight the feeling” I said as I pulled her onto my lap.

She opened her mouth to object again, but I stopped her by kissing her again. She had her arms on my chest trying to push me back, but the more I kissed her the more she melted into my arms and kissed me back. I laid her back on the chair, and soon clothes were being thrown in every direction. I found myself taking her like I never have before, and her submitting to my every touch.

We could talk about mistakes later.

Robin

It’s been five weeks, and it’s been ok for the most part. Except Chris and I have been at each other’s throats a lot. We kept fighting about petty shit, so he got to the point where he only called me when it was time to talk to Christian. I guess this time whatever is going wrong between is solely on me.

I keep poking at things instead of just letting him love me like he’s asked. Crazy part is how I see that I keep pushing him into Karrueche’s arms all over again. It’s all over the blogs that she’s always there. I can’t even say nothing about it because it’s not like I’m being there for him anyways. Maybe we aren’t meant to be.

I thought I’d become a better person over the years, but I’m still so broken inside. Going through what I’ve been through in life isn’t easy. It’s also harder because I’m just now 3 years into breaking the cycle. It’s levels to it, and I’m not sure if Chris gets that.
Maybe when this is all over we can fix us.

I grabbed my phone and sat down opening up my tumblr app. Tumblr was a nice get away from reality. I got all new fashion ideas for my store as well as myself. Once I started scrolling I stumbled upon an IG photo of Chris and Karrurche. He looked like he was enjoying his day. I missed him, but we’d talk when I saw him tomorrow. Today was about having little Chris be with his family.

“Christian! Let’s go baby! Uncle Tyty and Auntie Ash are waiting!” I yelled from the bottom of the stairs.

He came running down stairs with his backpack smiling at me. God, he was his fathers child freckles and all.

“Come on mommy!!” He said pulling my hand.

I laughed as I grabbed my bag and keys. I made sure to lock up the house, and then we headed out to the car. I opened the back door of my Porsche Panamera and strapped him in his car seat. I made sure he was secure and gave him the iPad so he can play his game as we drove. I got in the car got situated and took off.

I kept getting this wary feeling that something wasn’t right, but I shook it off “you ready to eat baby?” I asked Christian as we drove over to Ashley’s.

“Yeah, but mommy I miss daddy. I hope he come home for Christmas. He on tour to long!” He said sadly.

I sighed because I hated that he was sad “baby I know I miss daddy too, but he’s coming home for Christmas Day. You make sure you ask Santa to get him something!”

He smiled “yay! I’m gonna ask Santa to get daddy a new car!!”

I giggled at his silliness and pulled into Ty’s. They basically lived 20 mins away. I got out of the car and took Christian out, and we headed to the front door. When I rang the doorbell Trell opened it.

“Uncle Twelll!” Christian screamed.

He picked him up and tossed him in the air “hey man what’s good!”

“Nothing!” He said cheesing.

I smiled as he put him down, and he ran inside. He kissed my cheek and we hugged. “Need me to get y’all bags?”

“Please” I nodded handing him my car keys.

He went to retrieve our stuff, and I headed inside to find everyone. Mijo, Heather, Ash, Ty, Teyana, Iman, The babies. Everyone was here. Everyone except Chris. I looked at the time, and it was still early. I could go get him as a surprise. He’d be happy to. I know how much he missed little Chris.

I walked in the kitchen to let Ashley know I’d be back in a few hours. I know she wouldn’t mind. It was crucial that I made this happen. Even if Chris and I were fighting Christian deserved to see his father.

“Hey girl” I said kissing her cheek.

“Hey baby, what’s up?” She asked smiling at me.

“Listen I’m gonna go pick up Chris and bring him. I’ll call the rehab, and convince the owner to let him out for the night. He has a crush on me anyhow” I said making her giggle.

“Oh y’all are talking now? I see Karrueche’s with him from Instagram.” She said cutting up some yams.

“No I haven’t spoken to him at all in the past month from the last time we argued. He only calls to speak with Christian or when it’s time to see him. He’s fed up with me you could say” I said sighing.

“Go get him. Maybe y’all could talk on the way back. I’m sure you guys will be fine. If I could fix things with Mike for the millionth time then you and Chris could withstand the test of time” she said reassuringly.

“Alright girl I’ll be back. Keep your eye on my baby” I said leaving to find him.

“I got you girl” she said.

He was playing with King and Sincerely in the living room. He was having so much fun he didn’t even notice me there. “Baby mommy will be right back ok.”

“Where you go?” He asked running toward me.

“I forgot something home” I said lying since I wanted to surprise him with his father.

“Oh ok, love yew” he said hugging me.

“I love you too boo” I said pecking his lips.

I got up and walked toward the front door retrieving my car keys from the key bowl. When I got outside the guys were sparking up. They all turned around, and started screaming when they saw me. Clowns.

“Damn Robin, you looking bad as hell!” Mijo said grabbing me.

I giggled and hugged him “thank you papa.”

“She called a nigga papa she want me y’all!”

“Nah she ain’t checking for your ugly ass, where you going beautiful?” Trell asked making everyone laugh.

“To go get Chris. I wanna surprise Christian. He misses his dad” I said started to walk toward the car.

“You know it isn’t to late to marry me instead” Red yelled out.

I giggled “I’ll keep that in mind babe.”

“Chris is one lucky ass nigga, she is a goddess” I heard Red mumble.

“Yeah she is, he better hold on to that” Ty said.

I smiled as I put on my sun glasses and hopped in the car pulling off. I zipped down the street and headed towards the highway. I hoped he was going to be happy I thought to myself as I called the facility to speak to the boss.

Chris

I was drying myself off from the shower I just finished taking when my room phone rang. I ran out the bathroom, and answered the phone before I missed the call.

“Hello” I said sitting on my bed.

“Mr. Brown your wife just called. Mr. Taylor has authorized for you to leave for the night and for you to return tomorrow night. Pack a bag sir your going home” the attendant informed me.

“Ok, thanks Justin” I said hanging up.

When I looked up Kae was in the mirror brushing her hair and putting back on her hat. She turned around, and smiled at me. She grabbed her purse and walked over to me, and I put my hands on her waist putting her down on the bed.

“Hey, I just brushed my hair silly” she giggled.

“When am I going to see you again?” I asked her.

She wrapped her arms around my neck “I’ll be here next week when I come back from Tennessee. She’s coming so get ready.”

I sighed “come with me.”

She kissed my cheek and climbed off the bed “you know I can’t, and won’t do that. Just talk to her, let her know your frustrations. Come on walk me out.”

I sighed and quickly put on some clothes walking her out “are we going to talk about what I just did to you on that couch?”

“No need, I wanted it too. You figure out you and her first. Me last” she said stopped at the door.

“You don’t wanna talk about it! Damn you wasn’t faking when you said I was making you cu-” she put her hand over my mouth and giggled.

“Jesus Chris! Must you be so nasty?We’ll talk just not now. I’m going to be late to meet my family” she said making me chuckle.

Here we go typical Rue playing. I grabbed her and pushed her up against the wall. Her breathing picked up, and I slowly leaned in before placing my lips on hers one last time. Yeah I was completely aware that what I was doing was wrong, but I might as well give my affection to someone that showed they cared for me effortlessly.

She moaned and pushed me back “I have to go” she whispered onto my lips.

“Call me karate chop” I said making her giggle.

I opened the door, and our laughing ceased the minute we saw Robin “surprise!” She smiled.

“Um I’ll see you later. Bye Robin” Kae said leaving the two of us there.

“Uh come in lemme just grab my hat, and we can go. I can get clean clothes at home” she nodded and walked in closing the door.

I grabbed my hat quickly and hurried back out so we could go. I really didn’t want to be around her her, but I guess I could deal with a car ride if that meant I could see my son.

“Let’s go, I’m driving” I said taking the keys from her.

“Your just going to ignore me Chris?” She asked as I walked to the desk to sign out.

“Have a nice holiday Mr. Brown” Justin waved.

“You too man!” I said dapping him before leaving.

“Chris!” she said annoyed as we got in the car.

“Robin, what do you want me to say huh? The last time we spoke you told me I wasn’t the one for you. I ain’t got shit to say. Soon as I’m out of here I’ll make sure you get these divorce papers so you can find the one for you. I’m not doing this bickering shit no motherfucking more!” I said zipping down the highway.

“Chris I’m sorry” she cried.

“Fuck your sorry man. Your never fucking satisfied. It’s never easy with you anymore. Just let’s get to Ty’s so I can see my son” I said irritated completely.

She sniffled and said nothing else like I hoped. I turned up some music and tried my best to get to Ty’s as fast I could. I don’t know why she didn’t send the guys for me. She knew what I was going to say. She knew the moment she told me I wasn’t the one for her anymore she cut all ties.

“You fucked her didn’t you?” She asked me staring straight ahead as I pulled into Ty’s drive way.

“Robin don’t question me. Doesn’t matter if I did or didn’t cause we done you hear me? DONE!!!” I said getting out the car slamming the door.

I took a deep breath and headed inside. When I opened the door everyone looked in my direction, but I quickly told everyone to be quiet. I snuck up behind Christian and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around and dropped his toy leaping into my arms.

“DADDY!!!” he yelled.

“Hey little man” I said hugging him tight.

“Daddy, I missed yew! What yew doing home? I thought yew on tour?” He asked smiling wide at me.

“I am, but I came home just for you and only you today. I’ll go back to work tomorrow.” I said kissing his forehead.

He buried his head in my chest “I love yew daddy!”

I chuckled “I love you too mini me. I love you too.”

I picked him up and turned toward everyone “well daddy’s home people lets eat.”

They all cheered and circled around me. Felt good to be with the people I know held me down. Even if it was for one night. I was turning off the drama and enjoying my night.