i just need this here...

hello friends so i’ve always been very vocal about my sexuality on this blog in terms of being bisexual. the bisexual label gave me a home in the LGBT community that i desperately needed growing up and in my early adult life.

but as the years have passed, i’ve examined a lot of my own behaviors. my standards are ridiculously high for men, like i’m waiting for them to say something i don’t like so i can stop talking to them. i haven’t been with a man since my relationship almost 4 years ago. i genuinely loved him, but he was the last for me in a long string of men who abused, assaulted, and mistreated me, and who i allowed to do it because a man liked me, and i should just be thankful, right?

i deserve better than settling. i think about marriage with a man and i know i never want it. men make me uncomfortable, the thought of ending up with a man forever is something i can’t process, and there are so many things about heterosexual relationships that i just don’t want.

i haven’t dated a girl since middle school. i haven’t kissed one since i suggested roleplaying games in elementary school that involved me playing the guy so i had a wife. i don’t have any tangible evidence to solidify my attraction to women, but what i do have is the certainty that i love being around women. they make me feel safe, my standards for them aren’t anywhere near as high as they are for men. i love the idea of saying “my girlfriend” or “my wife” someday.

it took me awhile to come to this conclusion because i thought i wasn’t allowed to use a label. i’ve been with men and genuinely loved them, so obviously i’m attracted to them right? but as i’ve learned and researched, that’s okay. maybe bisexual fit me at one point in my life, but it doesn’t now.

so to get to the point, because i always want to share my life with you guys, and i want to be honest about where i am, and because as i’ve come to the conclusion, i’ve been dying to just say it and tell everyone:

hey, i’m a lesbian. 🌈👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

just my opinions on sanha’s image becoming more mature

it’s good!! please, please don’t complain about him growing up or changing his image. calling sanha your baby or your son, go ahead, but don’t invalidate what he’s doing because it’s more mature than what he’s done before.

sanha is 17 internationally. he’s not a child. please. treating him like a legitimate child, wanting him to stay cute and innocent for all time is not a way we should be thinking. it’s not logical. he will grow up, and he is grown up.

i fall into the trap myself sometimes, too, i’m not above it, but i am consciously making an effort to recognize sanha as an almost-legal adult by american standards. in not too many months, sanha would count as a legal american adult, and in just another year and a half, sanha is going to be legal by south korean standards at age 20.

i’ve seen people saying things like “i don’t want sanha to grow up” or “sanha will always be a child/kid to me” and that’s all fine and good except it’s not.  it aggravates me to see people pretty much discrediting his progress, his growth, all because it doesn’t fit their mental image of what sanha should be simply based on his age.

sanha is ridiculously talented.  he’s currently a 2nd year high school student, and he has 4 mini albums, a special album, two reality shows, numerous concerts, guitar playing, and an insane vocal ability under his belt.  recognize that.  sanha is not a child.

anonymous asked:

i'm sorry the fandom ruined things for you. i'm having a hard time dealing with it all too. :( i hope you feel better tho because i really love your caryl fics and all you contribute to the fandom, i'd hate to see you leave <3

Awww thank you so much ❤

Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere. Things like that just ruin my mood and motivation for a while, which is why I don’t usually go into the tag and I don’t follow a lot of people, either. I just like to stay away from drama. I’ve had enough of that in other fandoms to last me a lifetime and I just want to enjoy the things I do like in peace.

It’s not that I don’t think people are entitled to sharing their own opinions. But it often gets so spiteful and some people tend to generalize their dislike and I really hate that. I don’t need anybody to tell me how I’m supposed to feel about something.

Also, I tend to have a slightly different opinion about shipping or a different way to go about it than a lot of other people do. I don’t ship for canon. That’s not what I’m here for. If it happens, great. But what matters most to me, what I really enjoy more than anything when it comes to shipping, is the journey there. All the little moments here and there that make you think: yes, those two are in love. I’d rather have years of that even if it ultimately leads nowhere than rushed, badly executed canon just for the sake of it.

I know this is a fairly unpopular opinion. And I’m not saying this show is doing a particularly great job at the build up because it’s not. I’m disappointed and frustrated, too. Mostly because I feel like no matter what they do now on the show can ever make up for everything they haven’t done in the past. But it is what it is and I want to be able to enjoy what little I can still find joy in and not let that be ruined by other people.

I’m not saying everybody should accept things the way they are or not post about them. I just need to stay away from that and I failed at that yesterday.

What I have no understanding or tolerance for whatsoever is bashing other people’s ships. On both sides. Being rude and unnecessarily spiteful and not letting other people enjoy what they care about even if you disagree with it. I find that extremely irritating and it’s another reason I don’t venture past the safe bubble of my dashboard.

I’m sorry this turned into such a rant, but I just needed to get this off my chest. Thank you so much again for being so sweet *hugs*


what should’ve happened after s3 

(don’t repost)

“we need to spread love”

Shout out to all of you having a tough time right now
  • Whether you’re struggling to make content
  • Feeling lost or alone
  • Having an identity crisis
  • Not feeling like yourself
  • Dealing with the loss of someone you love
  • Or going through personal issues that feel like they just won’t end

I love you and you’re doing great. Just remember, a journey is not a straight road. It is littered with mountains and rocky edges and cliffs that sometimes feel too high to climb. But you’re going to get past them, and continue on. You’re doing great. You’re valid. I love you.

Mothers’ Weekend

Hello there! Long time, no see (my bad I know) but, here: an Alicia Zimmermann-centric piece as she goes to Parents’ Weekend during Jack’s freshmen year. [focus on Alicia, Jack, and Shitty] 6k

Somewhere, deep in her heart, Alicia Zimmermann knows she is a bad mother.

It started out as a worry, as maybe it does for all new mothers, that she will be a bad mother. That she won’t know what to do with a baby or a toddler that one day she will accidentally drop him or forget to feed him or feed him something he is actually allergic to or maybe she’ll scar him emotionally somehow and she worried but she survived his childhood okay. And then, after he was five or six, she stopped worrying about it. She thought she was doing pretty good. Jack had hockey and loved hockey and, sure, they didn’t have deep emotional talks but she didn’t exactly have any basis of comparison. Television families told her she was doing okay. No teenage boy wanted to have deep talks with his mother. And, look, if Jack didn’t talk to her all that much as he turned 12 and then 13, at least he was still talking to his father. Mostly still about hockey but she… she thought that had counted. Hockey was like French, to her. Another language she could understand but couldn’t quite speak. But Bob could. He was on top of it. Jack was taken care of.

She loved Jack. That was never the problem. The problem was that her love wasn’t enough. It didn’t matter. It didn’t alert her to any of the facts and maybe it even blinded her– She loved her son and her son loved hockey and so she loved hockey too. She loved her son and then her son seemed to love a boy named Kent and they never talked about it but she let Kent come over all the time and she figured they would discuss it at some point. She just… assumed everything was okay. Even after he was diagnosed with the anxiety disorder and given pills. It was always… well, that was a little problem but it’s handled and under control and everything is okay now.

See. Bad mother.

A good mother would have known somehow.

A good mother would have pushed and prodded or sensed it without even having to be told.

A good mother would have paid attention to how hard Jack was on himself. A good mother would have made sure her son had interests outside of hockey. A good mother would have known that Jack’s long silences after losses weren’t normal. A good mother would have preached balance and fostered friendships with different types of people and stopped the fucking hockey.

She didn’t though. Stop the hockey. No, not Alicia Zimmermann. She encouraged it. She went to the games and cheered the loudest and she even loved it a little bit because she thought it brought him joy, like his father. She bought into the vision: Jack playing hockey like Bob, the Zimmermann legacy continued throughout the ages…

God, she even used to tease Jack about how it took his father three years to win a Cup and she was sure Jack could manage it faster than his old man.

A good mother wouldn’t have done that. So, see, she’s always been a bad mother. Even now, now that she’s almost lost him, now that she’s promised to do better, now that she’s finally read all the books and online articles about anxiety and pressure and the danger of sports and hockey culture… now she’s still just as bad. Just for different reasons.

Now she is a bad mother because it’s Saturday afternoon and he’s been at Samwell for almost three months and she does not feel like mothers are supposed to feel in this moment.

She glances around. At the sea of other mothers and fathers crammed onto Samwell’s campus for Parents’ Weekend. They are not nervous. They are excited. Happy. Enthusiastic. Overjoyed to see the teenager they had left just a couple months ago again. To her right is a father almost (but not quite) breaking into a run to give his son a hug. To her left, a mother has burst into tears. Happy tears.

And then there’s her. She’s not excited to see Jack. Well, no. No, it’s not that she’s not excited. She is. She is. (She is. She repeats it once more just to remind herself). She is just…

She is nervous too. More nervous than she is excited.

Keep reading

Say cheese~! ✌


Pages 113-115. In which a familiar scream is heard.

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