hello friends so i’ve always been very vocal about my sexuality on this blog in terms of being bisexual. the bisexual label gave me a home in the LGBT community that i desperately needed growing up and in my early adult life.
but as the years have passed, i’ve examined a lot of my own behaviors. my standards are ridiculously high for men, like i’m waiting for them to say something i don’t like so i can stop talking to them. i haven’t been with a man since my relationship almost 4 years ago. i genuinely loved him, but he was the last for me in a long string of men who abused, assaulted, and mistreated me, and who i allowed to do it because a man liked me, and i should just be thankful, right?
i deserve better than settling. i think about marriage with a man and i know i never want it. men make me uncomfortable, the thought of ending up with a man forever is something i can’t process, and there are so many things about heterosexual relationships that i just don’t want.
i haven’t dated a girl since middle school. i haven’t kissed one since i suggested roleplaying games in elementary school that involved me playing the guy so i had a wife. i don’t have any tangible evidence to solidify my attraction to women, but what i do have is the certainty that i love being around women. they make me feel safe, my standards for them aren’t anywhere near as high as they are for men. i love the idea of saying “my girlfriend” or “my wife” someday.
it took me awhile to come to this conclusion because i thought i wasn’t allowed to use a label. i’ve been with men and genuinely loved them, so obviously i’m attracted to them right? but as i’ve learned and researched, that’s okay. maybe bisexual fit me at one point in my life, but it doesn’t now.
so to get to the point, because i always want to share my life with you guys, and i want to be honest about where i am, and because as i’ve come to the conclusion, i’ve been dying to just say it and tell everyone:
hey, i’m a lesbian. 🌈👩❤️💋👩