i just love you so much ugh

Elemental - Chapter 1

Fandom: Haikyuu!! 

Pairing: Iwaizumi x Oikawa

A/N: multichap iwaoi in an avatar- last aribender setting! Lemme know what you guys think! I haven’t written in what seems like forever, so go easy on me please? And thank you so much for sticking around even though I’m so inactive, I love you all so much <3 

Iwaizumi’s every day regime is quite simple.

He wakes up at dawn, just in time to see the sunrise, which is followed by a quick work out in the forest, where he reshapes the land with his bending. After that, he goes to the riverbank nearby to bathe and clean up and once he’s done, he sets off for the village and towards the small academy where he teaches metal bending to the youngsters. He’s a simple man, and honestly, he has no problems with that.

Of course, life has a strange way of messing pretty much everything up.

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probablydeletethis  asked:

Hello, you also seem to have an interest in the Gabe, Ana, and Jack meant to each other. I have so many feelings. Like how in Uprising seeing that those two are the legs Jack stands on, like holy shit him staring at that photo. And Ana having that old soldiers picture next to her bed area too, especially if Zurich happened while she was recovering. Ugh, so many feels.

i’m still getting over that tbh

I made soooo many posts about that part in the comic when it came out and you just reminded me of how much I loved it and how much it hurt me and now i’m spiraling into an endless depth of feels

ana having those pictures next to her bed area broke me

Watched fma for the 500th time and realized i really love Havoc. Think i’m gonna do Ling/Greed next ..😉

Okay but every time I see positive gifs/photos/posts about Hayden at the Star Wars celebration I get so emotional because that man was torn to PIECES by the media (and he was never angry about it, he just focused on what he loved: how it made kids happy, and how much fun it was) and now he comes back, a decade later, probably a little nervous if not scared out of his mind (he looks a tad nervous in the pics of him first walking to the event) about how the people are going to react to seeing him again, and he gets a STANDING OVATION and a girl yelling “I love you Hayden” and I can barely imagine how WONDERFUL that must have felt to realize “hey, WE still love you, despite all the haters” and I’m just ugh THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WELCOMING HIM LIKE YOU DID I HOPE HE IS TREATED AS WELL AS HE WAS AT THE CELEBRATION FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE

13 Reasons Why

Thoughts on 13 Reasons Why characters and a rating of how much I dislike them from 1 being “my baby!!!!” to 10 being “FUCK THEM THEY CAN ROT” 

Hannah Baker: Didn’t deserve everything she went through especially rape. She pushed some people away though and sometimes she was kind of idk how to word it but I didn’t like stuff about her at times. Either way she deserved so much better than what she got. Deserved to be happy with Clay. 2/10.

Clay Jensen: Will fight anyone for Hannah. He was so shy around her and didn’t know what to do whenever he was with her, he’s so precious. Sometimes there were some things he did that didn’t sit right with me but he definitely deserved a happy ending with Hannah Baker; they deserved to be happy and in love and ugh. Also… took like 4823707592 years to listen to the tapes? 2/10.

Tony Padilla: Gay POC which I love because we need more of them. I love him he was so patient with Clay and all he ever did was try and protect Hannah’s wishes. Glad he shared the tapes with Hannah’s parents because they deserved to know why she killed herself instead of being left in the dust wondering why. I was always so happy when he came on screen. CLAY LISTEN TO THE GODDAMN TAPES. 1/10.

Jeff Atkins: My pure cinnamon roll, didn’t deserve to die because of a stupid girl who couldn’t own up to her mistakes. I hate how nobody including his parents and except Clay never knew he wasn’t drunk that night he died. Just wanted Clay and Hannah together. Your fave is problematic: uses “unique” 7 times in an essay. -5435973495797/10. I love him forever, hes so great. Never did anything bad.

Justin Foley: Didn’t deserve the home life he had BUT i really hated him for what he did to Hannah and the fact that he’s a rape enabler and a rape apologist like he literally let his best friend rape his unconscious girlfriend, covered up for him, and lied to her about it and then when she found out, he STILL was justifying what he and Bryce did by telling her that he didn’t tell anyone because Bryce does all this shit for him. KNEW that whatever happened at that party was fucking Jessica up but didn’t come forward until the very end. Claims he cared for her but you don’t do that shit to someone you claim you care about. Fuck him for that. 8/10.

Jessica Davis: She was so cool and nice in the beginning but then I hated how she got mad at Hannah and slapped her for the list instead of Alex, like really??? You think she asked to be on that list?? PLEASE. But after all that, she was still nice towards her and was never ill-mannered when it came to Hannah. Also, can we talk about how she didn’t deserve to be raped??? Justin Foley DEFINITELY didn’t deserve her. YOU GO GIRL. TELL HIM YOU NEVER WANT TO SEE HIM AGAIN. 5/10.

Alex Standall: He made some poor decisions making that list for a stupid reason and then letting Hannah pay the price. I somewhat like him though. I think he was a redeemable character and had a conscience (although it was too late, rip Hannah Baker) and felt that he needed to own up to it and tell the truth, was ready for whatever penalty he was gonna get. Was the only one (for a while) who thought what the others were trying to do was stupid. He definitely deserved better too, he didn’t deserve to shoot himself (or in other theories, didn’t deserve to be shot by Tyler). Please be okay…please be alive, baby. 4/10. 

Courtney Crimsen: GIRL, BYE. I hate and will always hate her character so much. Her and Bryce should just rot. She was a rape apologist and only cared about herself. Like girl I get that coming out is hard, I haven’t even done it, but to fuck up Hannah’s life like that? Are you serious? Justified Bryce’s actions to hide her truth. And she fucked up Jessica’s life too, in my opinion. She tried so hard to convince herself (and others) that Hannah was lying, Bryce isn’t a rapist, and that Jessica was never raped just so she can stay in the fucking closet. Like there’s nothing wrong with being gay. And she has two gay dads for fucks sake. 10/10 would always hate her again. 

Zach Dempsey: I think he genuinely liked Hannah but after all the shit Hannah had been through and the fact that his friends were his friends, I definitely see Hannah’s side of why she shot him down. I think he, himself, was lonely too but in different way; just because someone’s popular doesn’t mean they’re not lonely. Didn’t get compliments so he stole Hanah’s when she needed it most (I hate how he did that ugh like WHY…did you really need it?). Redeemable character, though. Also…HE KEPT HANNAH’S NOTE IN HIS WALLET!!! 5/10.

Tyler Down: Fuck him. A fucking creep. Like, he stalked people and took pictures of them when they were unaware (especially Hannah) and when she confronted him, HE FUCKING SENT THE PICTURE TO EVERYONE. Claims he “loved” Hannah but really?? FUCK HIM. Why did he even have so much guns? I’m pretty sure he’s planning a school shooting…fucking psychopath…”I can take care of myself” BOY BYE. And if he did shoot Alex, FUCK HIM EVEN MORE. 9/10.

Ryan Shaver: Didn’t respect Hannah’s wishes. Only cared about himself and poetry. Didn’t even care that Hannah didn’t want her shit to get out. I only liked him whenever he said Bryce is a rapist and that Courtney should just shut the fuck up and stop justifying Bryce’s actions. 8/10.

Marcus Cole: He cared more about himself and his reputation more than anyone. Thought he was the shit. Sexually assaulted Hannah then called her easy for refusing. 9/10.

Sheri: I liked her and she was genuinely nice but she crashed the stop sign and left a drunken Hannah at the scene and fled. Caused Jeff to die and I hate her for it. Though she reported it because she knew it was the right thing to do, it was already waaay too late. 6/10 because of Jeff.

Bryce: Rapist. Douchebag. Scum of the earth. He didn’t even think what he did was wrong. He raped two fucking girls and didn’t even feel remorse. He just thought every girl wanted him and that was that. I hate him so much, he can die. 102804802020x100000/10.

Mr. Porter: Could have tried better to stop Hannah from killing herself. She was set on suicide until she had doubts and needed just one person to help her and the one person she came to didn’t care enough to chase after her when she left his room that day. Worst. Guidance Counselor. Ever. 8/10.

compliment sentence starters.

’ you always know how to find that silver lining. ’
’ has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are? ’
’ you have the whitest teeth! you’ve got a hollywood smile! ’
’ you have the most beautiful eyes i’ve seen before. ’
’ i love your hair so much, it’s so pretty. ’
’ you have the best laugh in the universe. ’
’ you always dress so fabulous! you’ve got so much style! ’
’ you’re the best at anything and everything you do. ’
’ you are the smartest person i know! ’
’ sometimes i wonder why you’re my friend. ’
’ you’re the best friend anyone could ever ask for. ’
’ you always seem to have a solution for any problem. ’
’ you are the most attractive person i’ve had as a friend. ’
’ anything looks good on you! you’re perfect! ’
’ you always make the days a little brighter for people. ’
’ you’re like, really loved and adored, despite what you think. ’
’ anyone would be lucky to have you as a girl/boyfriend. ’
’ you’re going to make the best parent one day. ’
’ one day, you’re going to make someone so happy. ’
’ ever since i met you, i’d been the happiest i’ve ever been. ’
’ you are the perfect role model. ’
’ you deserve an award or something, you’re that great. ’
’ you did so good on that art work the other day! ’
’ that speech was phenomenal, left me speechless. ’
’ you’ve got an amazing face and i just want to stare at it all. ’
’ i could stare at you all day and never get tired. ’
’ you are the better looking out of the two of us. ’
’ you’re the smarter one out of the two of us. ’
’ you always smell so good. what perfume is that? ’
’ i’ll only get a make over, if you’re the one who does it. ’
’ i’d trust you with my life any day. ’
’ you have the biggest heart out of everyone i’ve ever met. ’
’ you are just the sweetest person ever. ’
’ you are so creative! i could never be that original. ’
’ your ideas are so beautiful and original, i love them. ’
’ you really do make a fantastic meal, the best i’ve ever had. ’
’ this is so delicious, oh my god, you’re amazing. ’
’ you do not need make up to look beautiful, you were blessed. ’
’ why does everything you buy fit you so well? ugh. ’
’ you give me so much inspiration. ’
’ you inspire me so much, i’ve always looked up to you. ’
my thoughts on logan *spoilers*

-LOGAN WAS SO FUCKING GOOD HOLY FUCK
-never in a million years did i think i would cry so many times during an xmen ~related~ film but bitch!!!
-this movie came after me so many times i am shook
-this was such an emotional experience
-it was so packed too i usually go on discount days but i had to see this and wow literally not a seat left open!!!
-first movie from the franchise to be rated r and damn!!! It really needed it, i can’t imagine the film being pg 13
-i really loved the r rating… the gore the cussing the darker and more mature tone was something i didn’t think i needed til i saw this film
-the darker tone made it so much more intense and made logan feel more human
-fight/action scenes were all pure gratuitous fun i enjoyed all of it
-laura is adorable and shes a bad bitch my daughter will be like that!!! like wow this girl got paid to deadass be silent for half the movie but when she talked i was shook af
-and the nurse gabriella being aleida from oitnb like hey girll!!
-the banter between professor x and logan ugh and when logan called charles his dad
-this side of wolverine/ logan was so raw and sad.
-he def was not the mutant hero ive grown up watching but that was also the refreshing part bc it made it seem more realistic to me
-heartbreaking to watch someone spiral downward especially with the drinking and self hatred and the suicidal thoughts ugh
-laura is a mini wolverine but gonna grow to be so much stronger i love her every time she fucked someone up i was screaming YAAS
-finding out shes his daughter ugh i knew it bur dang!!
-honestly pierce the bad guy was sexy af i was having dirty thoughts while hating him at the same time
-i’m not a box of avocados logan
-logan is really so broken and traumatized inside
-charles telling logan that this is what its like to be normal before he left with that mans to fix the water or whatever
-and its sad to see charles so weak and sick and trapped in his mind and broken as well after what he did in westchester
-losing control is so awful and seeing someone who was once so great be at this point hurts
-THIS FILM WAS AFTER ME YALL I WAS SO ATTACKED
-when charles woke up in that familys house and was talking about how he remembered things and that it was the best night of his life but he didnt deserve it I WAS CRYING
-then i was like OMFG LOGAN IS ABOUT TO KILL HIM??? Turns out it was his fuckass clone mutant but i was still shook
-hugh jackman is a daddy he can still get it
-logan coping with charles was so sad this father son relationship rly fucked me up it was so cute when they were joking abt the past at academy during dinner
-laura gives me life!!! W her docs and cute ass outfit in sunglasses but she still vicious yas queen
-her relationship w charles was so beautiful too
-her driving!!! Aha and finally speaking that was a funny cute lil scene i was expecting her to be a little sassier but that wouldnt fit the tone of the movie so its all good
-all the cute lil mutant kids!!!! omfg so adorable its really fcked up what they were doing at transigen i was heated ugh
-they were so sweet helping him and ugh the scenes just between logan and laura rlly fucked me up like when she held his hand after he buried charles…
-my god the development of these relationships really messed me up!!!
-honestly his self loathing and pity party was getting a little annoying and the whole im no good for you act etc etc but i understand i guess
-telling laura she and her friends reminded him of the xmen RIP
-“people hurt me” “were different i hurt people”
-ugh i literally love them so much when he told her he was gonna shoot himself w that bullet then she took it from him wow cryin
-him being like u dont need me everyone i care about gets hurt or killed then she roasted him with the “THEN I GUESS ILL BE FINE” like damn girl
-ugh him coming to the rescue and taking the green stuff ugh i just knew this wouldnt end well but the fight scenes and seeing some of the kids use their powers was nice
-also enjoyed all the bad guys gettjng absolutely destroyed
-literally FUCK clone logan so hard she was really goin at him but i knew logans fate was inevitable since it was hughs last hoorah but wow
-SOBBING HES LITERALLY IMPALED ON THAT FUCKING TREE DYING ANS SHES CUTTING THE TREE AND REALIZES SHE CANT SAVE HIM
-SHE LITERALLY LOST EVERY ADULT WHO CARED FOR HER “dont be what they made you”
-i was in fucking puddles then she held his hand and called him fucking daddy!!!! THAT RUINED ME WHEN SHE ACKNOWLEDGE HE WAS HER FATHER HOLY FRICK
-“so this is what it feels like” logans last words realizing what its like to care for someone again/what it feels like to die omg laura crying made me cry
-then her speech after she buried him!!! THEN SHE WENT AND TURNED THE CROSS TO AN X AND I FELT APART OF MY SOUL DIE LIKE KNOWING EVERYONE IN THAT UNIVERSE FROM THE XMEN WERE DEAD. IT HIT ME SO HARD
-the end. thank u for sticking w me if u read this whole thing talk to me about it im emotionally unstable
-idk i prob left some stuff out but this is a lot already im lowkey so sad rn
-i cant wait for the next xmen movie with the other cast i need more this was all my childhood upto now i need it all please

things that happened:

- they played sigur ros right before they started the show and i swear to god if i find out someone in vixx loves sigur ros i will die and go straight to fangirl heaven

- hyuk cried so hard during his thank you speech that he just put his head down so the camera couldnt see him for about 20 seconds and then choked out a “th…ank you…”

- hongbin’s solo blew everyone’s mind. seriously, this kid has grown so much and his voice is absolutely stunning. like i still cant get over it, it was AMAZING.

- i swear im a hakyeon bias guys, but hyuk stole the show omfg his solo was perf too ugh like dream boy material <3

- speaking of hakyeon, the fans had to let him know he had a little wardrobe malfunction lol (his fly was down) he was hilarious about it

- ken said “싫어" with aegyo and hakyeon literally stopped him midsentence and was like ‘KEN, HOW OLD ARE YOU? IS THIS OKAY FOR YOUR AGE TO BE TALKING LIKE THAT?’ and ken took a dramatic pause and then answered “yes” in the aegyo-est voice evar

- hakyeon said instead of having a happy ending with us he wants to have a (in english) “happy continue” :’)

- taekwoon refused to leave the stage aaaaas usual and kept making them play the chorus of the final song over n over (he did this last concert too) plus was super out of breath after dancing to the older songs idky hahaha

- ravi was brilliant as usual and looks more n more like ryan gosling with each day

-i sat next to about 5  boys who i assume were jellyfish male trainees and guys….we’re done for. one looks like a mini hakyeon but worse. they dangerous. get out of the fandom while u stiil can.

im forgetting so much but i need to shower n sleep so UPDATE LATERS

“The Chosen One” aspect is really interesting in the pjo series. 

Like we all know that Percy’s going to be the one of the prophecy, there’s absolutely no doubt about it. Already ignoring the fact that he’s the narrator, there are literally huge cosmic, higher power signs pointing to Percy throughout the series, enforcing the idea that Percy is the hero of the great prophecy and his role to either save or destroy the world was predetermined years before he was even born.

But in the Titan’s Curse, two extremely interesting things occur: First, three other children of the Big Three become involved into the storyline. And as they are all under sixteen, that definitely throws the off the certainty of Percy being the hero of the Prophecy. Second, and more importantly, after Bianca’s death and Thalia’s newly immortal state, Percy makes the decision to be the hero of the prophecy. Percy chooses to be the Chosen One.

That in itself creates such an interesting and conflicting concept: Percy is obviously the One of the prophecy, but his decision implies that he had a choice in the matter. Perhaps, if he had never come to that resolution, that is one of the many ways he would have razed Olympus. 

Or maybe, in order to be the chosen one, you have to choose yourself. It’s interesting to think what would have happened if Thalia never accepted immortality or if Bianca hadn’t died.

Also, I’m not sure how much this has been discussed but that is such a defining characteristic of Percy. (Whether or not the decision changed the outcome) Percy chose to be the hero of the prophecy. He deliberately accepted that as his role. And he did it all to spare someone else’s pain - so Nico di Angelo would not have to suffer more than he already did. 

the-bookish-soul  asked:

Feysand NSFW Headcannons

What have you guys done to me! hahah

-Feysand man.  Ultimate horndogs Those two have no limits to what they wont do in public. table- done, wall- done,  Rhys liked to make sure they are around enough people so that everyone knows that Feyre is his.  Feyre loves it.

-Rhys is definitely a giver.

-He also loves whispering in Feyre’s ear and she comes like right there! VERY DIRTY THINGS, JESUS RHYS CALM DOWN

-Rhys motto is ‘nice guys finish last, becasue they make sure the girl finishes first.  Multiple times.’ His focus is solely on Feyre and her pleasure

-FEYRE IS NOT INNOCENT OKAY does anyone remember when she went down on him? Yeah she’s WICKED.  Queen of Tease. but also its payback becasue Rhys had her trembling and was teasing her, so she thinks its only fair to do it back

-Eye contact

-Thigh kisses, Rhys just smirks the next morning becasue he knows its his fault and he loves it

-Feyre and her lacy underthings…Kills Rhys.  For someone who loves teasing Feyre he really can’t handle it when she does it to him and he can’t handle her red underware that they picked up together.

-One day Rhys is with Cassian and Azriel and Feyre send him a dirty imagine of them in his mind just like he did to her and Rhys FUCKING TRIPS and lands on his face. Cassian WONT LET IT GO FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE. big powerful Rhys fell because all the brain that was supposed to be in his head was in other places.

-Feyre loves when they are in a room full of people and she come behind him and means to put a hand on his shoulder but instead runs her fingers along his wings and rhys is like “fuckkkkk why you do this to me you wicked woman.” feyre is grinning

-They can go at it hard but they can tell from the others eye contact that they are SOOOO loved.

-Hand holding ALL THE TIME, walking around velaris, in court of nightmare they are always together becasue they just love each other so much. 

-As much as Rhys’ likes calling her his mate, Feyre also like its when he calls her his wife becasue she melts a little inside, like damn I still can’t believe this gorgeous, courageous, fae male is mine, and that he loves me this much.’ honestly feyre still can’t believe how lucky she is like 50 years later.  Rhys always tells her to stop think about that becasue he is the one who is lucky to have her.

These two just KILLL ME ugh, hope you like these :)

so somehow i reached 4k followers which is a lot… think about it, i can’t fit that much people into my house plus my backyard,, so thanks to all the people who have talked to me, complimented me, asked me things and reblogged my stuff,, you’ve made my day🐳

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dating sirius black would include...

Originally posted by inoverdosedilui

THIS GIF LITERALLY KILLED ME STOP IT


- literally begging him to let you play with his hair
- “i dunno, love. my hair is very precious to me.”
- “please, sirius. please.”
- you give him the puppy eyes and pout your bottom lip
- “no, no. stop that, please, sweetheart.”
- he gives in pretty quickly after that
- braiding his hair, putting it in a top knot, making him flower crowns, so many things with his hair
- so much jealousy
- “mine.”
- him showing off in animagus form for you
- james and remus roll their eyes
- you just giggle and happily pet him bc dogs
- piggyback rides between classes
- wearing his leather jacket
- him being very very proud 
- “that’s my girl.”
- you literally wear his clothes all the time after that 
- so many inside jokes
- DADDY KINK 
- “such a good girl for daddy, right sweetheart?” fUCK
- having an infatuation with his hands
- “they’re so huge!”
- smirks. “my hands aren’t the only things that’re huge, love.”
- you facepalm. “oh merlin.”
- he’s such a gentleman like all the time
- pulls out your chair, holds every single door open for you, etc etc
- he’s so fussy over you and wants to cater to you 25/7
- “i’m thirsty.”
- “you want water? i’ll get you some, love, stay here.”
- always holding hands
- kissing the top of your head
- you hugging him from behind and rest your head on his back while he talks to friends
- he can’t stop grinning as he talks 
- him teasing you in public 25/7 because he’s horny every second of every day
- you start teasing him as payback
- daddy sirius punishing you for teasing him ;)
- becoming the fifth marauder
- remus is like your best friend
- james is a brother figure to you
- you make sirius a softie
- like he gushes about you to the boys
- “i’ve never felt this way about a girl before. she’s just- bloody hell, i love her.”
- you’re his rock when it comes to his family problems
- and vice versa 
- so much love and fluff and cuteness ugh

I’m sorry but the… “so is cold sweat” + hair stroking is SUCH an unecessary moment. It’s Bellamy, actually making a move on Clarke, just like Clarke did with the hand-nuzzle on ep3. It’s the sweetest gesture of all, I love it so much, the way he does it so naturally, so softly. It was pure love, that tenderness your partner has just to make you feel good for two seconds in the most intimate and gentle way possible.

stefartemis  asked:

Prompt.. Not very original but it came to mind. Dramionarry + first time kisses

Her first kiss with Harry had been technically an accident. 

They had been playing spin the bottle with some other Gryffindors in the common room during their sixth year and they had been unfortunate enough for the bottle to point in their direction. She and Harry? They were practically siblings! 

Or so had she thought.

No one else thought much of the kiss, not even Ron, as they all knew the nature of hers and Harry’s relationship and after all it was just a simple peck on the lips, right? 

But Hermione had noticed the way Harry’s green eyes had widened in silent realization when their lips touched, a confirmation that he too had felt what she felt. It barely lasted a second, but Hermione had spent many nights thinking about it. And it wasn’t until years later, after the war and their other relationships had ended, that they were able to relive that fleeting spark of feelings that had started thanks to a silly muggle game.

Draco’s and Harry’s kiss was next, less of an accident and more of a drunken stupor during the best Bachelor’s party either of them had ever attended. Ron was marrying Pansy and the two men had seen more and more of each other every day, until all the tension and furtive glances and snide remarks exploded into a crash of lips and tongues that found them panting against each other in the coat’s room of a fancy club.

Hermione hadn’t been jealous per se, it’s not like she and Harry were together or anything. They had just been there for each other a few times, still figuring out what it all meant.  But he had told her nonetheless, not wanting to keep secrets from her best friend and possible…girlfriend?

It took a while for her to accept Draco as part of their group, an oftentimes interesting and perpetually infuriating part of their group, but Harry had kept them both close, hanging out with one, then the other, then together, as if weighing his options for days on end, constantly comparing Hermione to Draco, Draco to Hermione, until she’d had enough.

She burst unannounced through the Malfoy’s Floo, knowing Harry was currently there probably writing his ‘pros and cons’ list, but she came face to face with Draco and no one else.

Harry had left to see Teddy hours ago according to him, and Hermione had all the pent up rage and rehearsed speech busting inside of her, so she started yelling at the Slytherin for lack of a better outlet.

To her surprise, he was just as angry as she was and had planned to tell Harry as much.

They ended up spending the afternoon together, talking trash about Harry but discussing the wonderful things, too. They both knew they were technically rivals for Harry’s love, but their jabs at each other started lacking any real malice after the fourth or fifth glass of expensive wine.

“I can’t believe I’m up against you, what does Harry see in you anyway?”

“I could ask the same question,”

“You’re not even good-looking,”

“You’re not even funny,”

“I bet you’re not even a good kisser,”

“I bet you want to find out,”

She couldn’t remember who said what or who leaned in first, it could have been either, it could have been both, but the feeling of something igniting in her chest was most definitely shared as Draco reached and wrapped his arms around her like he never wanted to let go.

The Floo roared to life but it took them a while to notice, only breaking apart when tentative footsteps came closer.

Harry James Potter had the most self-satisfied, indulgent, and smug grin she had ever seen in her whole life and that came from someone who had just snogged Draco Malfoy.

“I guess my plan worked.”

Something I noticed about Prompto

So, after playing the game and thinking about the FF XV anime, I remembered something about Prompto.

The kid always has that green sweatband on his wrist. Like, throughout the entire episode about Prompto’s backstory, he wears it. To bed, to go jogging, in his photo everyday montage, it’s always on his wrist.

Even right before he goes to meet Noct after they’re grown up, there’s a close up of him adjusting the sweatband. He looks like he’s a little bit nervous that he’s going to talk to the Prince of Lucis, but his focus isn’t on his overall appearance, its on that sweatband.

And it wasn’t until recently that it all kind of clicked. That’s where his barcode is. The poor kid grew up having to cover it. He was hiding it his entire life because he didn’t want people to know. I thought it was just a fashion accessory because - well, it was Prompto, I didn’t question it. 

But now it makes everything a little bit more sad. Imagine him having to constantly cover it up so no one would know. He had to hide it because no one in Lucis could know that he was an MT experiment. Like - this poor child. And you could tell he really didn’t want Noct to know because of the above gif and obviously throughout the entire game he didn’t tell Noct (until close to the end). 

It might be old news and someone might have already made a post about it, but it was just something I had been thinking about. I just - ugh. I love Prompto so much and now I feel so bad for him. 

Originally posted by cerilinamalha

How to become a good student (again) 3: Yearn for friendship - not worship; not debasement

Hello, fellow ex-good student!

‘tis done! This beast just got longer and longer, so I decided to cut it down a bit for the sake of readability. But let me know if there’s something that was too vague - the nuance might have got lost in the editing process.

Alright, let’s get down to business (to defeat! The Huns!)! So, if you’re an ex-good student, I’m pretty sure that you know this static in your head, right? Whenever you really need to do something but you just can’t get up and do it, so you keep procrastinating even though you hate it and keep scrolling and scrolling or gaming and gaming and feel more and more guilty?

Well, it might not be the most immediate analogy, but for this post I want you to consider that what connects you and your subject of study is essentially a relationship and that this static is (among other things) an indicator of how screwed up your relationship is. Just like with real people, your relationships with subjects can either

  • prosper and bear fruit (me & Creative Writing)
  • become cold and distant (me & French)
  • or, worst of all, turn sour and actively harmful. (me & PE, back in school)

Now, nobody likes to hear that they’re relationship-ing wrong. And it is true that different approaches work for different people. But here are the counter-productive relationships that I’ve personally ended up in and I’m gonna show you how I got into and out of them, so you can try to do the same. Maybe it’ll help you lift that static from your head.

Side-Note: Always remember that, since your subjects are just that (subjects), and not real people, you are the only one who can actually mend these relationships and, conversely, you are the one who screwed them up in the first place (probably with good intentions, though).

So, we’ll take them in this order:

1) Overeager Debasement

2) Undereager Debasement

3) Worship


(Oh, and in case you wanna catch up:

Masterpost 

Part 1

Part 2)


1) Overeager Debasement

What is it?

The desire to do everything, perfectly, at the same time, right now. Not to limit yourself to just one field of study, but to master them all, to reign supreme above knowledge, to keep your mind wide open to new possibilities, similarities and contradictions.
You overvalue your own capacities and undervalue the needs and difficulties of your subject.
(also refer to the first post for this)

How did you get here?

(read picture from right to left)

So. Many. Possible. Reasons.

  • it’s a cage. The idea of doing just one thing for the rest of your life scares you and you feel imprisoned at the thought of it
  • you know that you could be outstanding if you applied yourself
  • you know that you could be even more outstanding if you became accomplished in multiple fields
  • you want to find connections between fields nobody’s ever considered before
  • you feel like you’ve wasted your last few years and need to catch up to others
  • you’re afraid that you’re not good enough
  • you’re afraid of being ignorant
  • you’re arrogant

No matter the reason (I’ve gone through them all), people caught in this state of mind shovel more and more onto their plate.
And then wonder why they can’t swallow it all.

What do you think you’re doing?

A labour of love, most likely. You think you love languages and sciences and athletics and programming and cooking and hanging out with friends and being alone and so you just want to do it all!
You don’t want to limit yourself! You don’t want to lose any time! But there’s just so much and you have so little energy and ugh, if only I wasn’t destined for greatness, then I could relax like other little people, but no, I need to keep pushing! In every! Direction! At the same! Time!

I know your delusion. I’ve been there. You imagine yourself to be that one perfect friend who gets up at 6am, watches the sun rise, does yoga, eats a healthy breakfast, goes for a quick run, comes back home, answers all correspondence, is artistic for a few hours, then scientific for a few hours, then social for a few hours and ends the day with tiny masterpieces in each area, goes out with friends or family to grab a healthy dinner and goes to sleep, happy and balanced :)

Well, you know what, my starry-eyed friend?

What are you actually doing?

You’re the mental equivalent of a social butterfly.
You’re being fucking disrespectful.

You’re always on the run and never able to really commit to anything, because you’ve already scheduled something else afterwards. You’re shallow, deluded, that one friend that always comes in running, screaming “Besties  ~ ♥” and everyone shifts uncomfortably in their seats and smiles a painful smile and humours you, because they know you mean well, but they also know that you know nothing about them. 
You’ve never been there for them ever, but always expect them to be there for you. Whenever they want to talk about themselves, you nod and then proceed to about yourself and your plans and “ohmygosh, this is so nice, we need to meet more often ~ ♥ “. But at least you mean well, so they’ve agreed to keep it simple and on the “The weather is nice today”-level with you. 

But here you are, wondering why you’re not making any progress.
Mysterious.

So what do I do?

Well, you need to go from this:

To this:

How? More on that below.


2) Undereager Debasement

What is it?

This stage is what happens when you notice that your lofty ideals from Overeager Debasement cannot be fulfilled. You turn bitter, hateful, cold. You think you’re a failure, you think you were too soft. Instead of wanting to be friends with everyone, you now want to rule over everyone, fuck what they want.

You’re burnt out. You’re done. You just want to get through these stupid classes and catch a goddamn break, goddamnit.

And you WILL get through. You’re too proud to do anything else. But you don’t really care about any of it.
You just want to make it.

How did you get here?

If you were a good student, you probably heard at some point or another that you were “different” and that your complex and mysterious ways were not understandable and definitely not achievable for your average classmate.

Most people who tell you this mean well. A few want to make fun of you, but most actually do mean it as a compliment. But they don’t know how dangerous it is to hear it again and again, because regardless of whether it’s true or not, you start to believe it.
You start to believe that somehow, you have a higher calling, a higher standard. And you start to long for that day when your high standards will be met - when you will go to that one mysterious class where everyone is just as eager as you are, where the “Oh, captain, my captain!”-teacher will spark a fire in your brain that will never go out and when your ominous “gifts” can finally be put to good use for the prosperous future of mankind.


And you work.

And work.

And the class never comes.

You feel the weight on your shoulders when teachers talk of “high expectations”, you feel it crush you a little bit every time your friends tease you about your genuine fear that you might not get an A, that you might lose it all, that your “gifts” could disappear and you’ll be stranded and useless and you put in the hours, you work your ass off to keep that high standard, all in the hope of having that one miraculous class that never comes.

I realized that that class would never come when I entered university.

University, I’d told myself, would be my Arcadia, my Eden, my academic paradise where all my hard work would be rewarded!
Instead, I only found more drudgery, more incompetent professors, more disinterested students and even more bureacracy. To say that I was “disappointed” would be putting it very lightly.

I became disoriented and disenchanted. I realized that I could get through most classes with half-assed effort, I was hardly ever challenged, I floated along and hated every second of it. I blamed my boring teachers, the imperfect system, the teachers who had given me hope only for me to watch it crash and go up in flames.

What do you think you’re doing?

Being badass, cool and detached, most likely.

You dream of yourself as a master and your subjects as slaves. They bow to your will, they dance to your tune, you command them with the snap of a finger.

“Look, you slave of the system”, you say, lying on a velvet sofa, “Look, at how it hardly takes any effort for me to pass these classes! Look at how I spend my time doing things I actually like and that are actually worth it, unlike these stupidly easy classes taught by stupidly incompetent professors in a stupidly screwed-up system! Look at me, being edgy and drowning in self-hatred because I can physically feel myself gliding off the rails that made me so “special” and becoming one of the average people in the masses, haha. Ha. Ha. Screw academia, but still give me good grades, amirite?”

I know your delusion. I’ve been there. You imagine yourself to be that one perfect friend that never studies for classes, comes for three lectures per semester and still manages to get perfect grades because everything you do in school is, like, so five years ago. That one friend who has read all the classics in their spare time, has conquered and enslaved all the knowledge actually worth knowing, will quote obscure Polish philosophers you’ve never heard of and plays the piano with a perfect pitch. They’re the wisest, most culture-non-conforming people you know - they’ve been up until 5am, wandering the streets and drinking vodka from a bottle while forcefully pentrating the mysteries of the universe all by themselves until they finally fall asleep on a park bench and awake with an epiphany about Klein bottles.
They’re “special”.

What are you actually doing?

Caring more about appearing “special” than actually trying to be “special”, that’s what you’re doing.

But, look, what made you so “special” and “different” in the first place was not a “calling” or “gifts” or the fact that you wrote good grades and were destined for greatness.

Here’s a handy chart I’ll use later - you were lucky enough to fall into the green zone, lucky enough to be born with an innate respect and a love for learning. That’s what made you “special”. That’s what made you succeed. Not pressure, not warped ideals and certainly not the fear of failure.


But somewhere along the way you forgot that and only focussed on the results. You started to believe yourself to be so special that everybody else should cater to you.
The fancy titles, the awe-struck looks, the “You’re so amazing”s and the “The genius of a decade”, the planned Nobel prize speech and the prestige, the dream others had lovingly created for you and you had slowly absorbed and warped as your own? It got to you. Hell, it got to me.
And it became more important than learning itself.
Somewhere along the way, you and I, we became an arrogant and lazy assholes.

You looked down on your easy courses and homework and instead of recognising how lucky you are, doing it in a minute and a half and then putting in the extra work on top to dig deeper and to maybe contribute something of value and fun, you threw it aside with a snide remark as beneath you.
Of course it wasn’t fun. Of course it wasn’t challenging. You never even tried to make it either.

(And don’t get me wrong: I honestly do think that the education system as it is right now needs MAJOR reforms. But right now? It is what it is. And instead of making the best of it and doing what you once loved so much, you succumbed to societal pressures you found yourself unable to fulfill and said “meh”.
You cared so much about the fame and the title that the relationship itself didn’t matter.)

But this isn’t the master-slave relationship you imagine it to be.
It’s a trophy-friendship. Once upon a time, you got on really well with this person and other people loved your friendship. You fell in love with the ideal, with their connections, their money, their prestige, their name on a CV, and you stuck around just for that.
You valiantly ignore the reality of the state of things between you two
and take them out only when absolutely needed, only when things are this close to falling apart and so you keep walking a fine, fine line.
Whenever a deadline approaches, you shower them with attention and love and, gingerly, they open up to you and you see a depth and complexity to them that astounds you and makes you think “Imagine! Imagine how much more I could have seen if only I’d started earlier?”
But the moment the crisis has passed, you toss them aside once again.

Because this is enough to make your name.
You may not remember much about these nights or about the person at all, but the only thing that counts is that it will fulfill your “special” prophecy and make you a legend, right?

Well, always remember this:
(read picture from right to left)

You’re not “special” if you made it to university. You’re not “special” if you’ve made your name. 
It comes down to a simple choice: do you value appearances over integrity or the other way round? Do you dare to look like a fumbling idiot again when you start something new? Is the “appearing like an idiot”-part more important to you than the “learning/creating something new”-part? 
Have a think about it.

3) Worship

“Alright”, you’ll say, “Alright. I get it. So I’ll treat my “friends”/subjects with respect and integrity and I’ll take all the time and concentration I can bestow upon them, just as I would upon real friends. But do you want me to be like, uh - like…

What is it?

“…like one of those anime characters that lives only for their dream and gets up at like 6am, does the thing, talks about the thing, breathes the thing, goes to bed, dreams of the thing and then wakes up at 6am to do the thing?”

(Google: Did you mean Hinata Shouyou?

Yes, yes, I did, google.)

Well, no, I don’t want you to do that. See, that’s the other extreme and unless you’re an anime character, chances are that it won’t work out for you. 

How did you get here?

Personally, I was caught in this trap for a loooooong time. Anime offered me a new way of relating to my passions that neither my family nor my school had ever shown me: unabashed obsession.
I wanted to be perfect. I wanted to be obsessed. I wanted to give myself up to a higher ideal, something above human consciousness, something that would endure. I wanted to, well, get up at 6am, do the thing, talk about the thing, breathe the thing and so on - “the thing” in question being, of course, studying. I made elaborate plans, complicated lists, study-plans that shift on a daily basis and cover all grounds, I wanted to study for two hours before school, wanted to repeat lessons, wanted to give myself up to knowledge, made cool covers for my notebooks, made mock exams for my friends to use, planned to focus on each continent for a month and study it, planned to listen to one new composer each day, planned to go to the museum every week, planned to analyze Sherlock Holmes and think just like him, planned to - you get the idea.

I wanted to be like this:

What do you think you’re doing?

Being but a humble servant to the eternal workings of truth. Knowing thou art unworthy, yet suffering the perfection of study.

I wanted to go from 0 to 100, I wanted knowledge and wisdom to transform and deliver me, I wanted to feel enlightened, I wanted to feel my brain burning, pushing frontiers and breaking through to new horizons, I wanted to elevate myself to touch even the lowest levels of truth.
I wanted to do something noble, something worthwhile, something that could never be critisized and would always be valued, something with eternal meaning that would echo through the ages and I wanted to be even the tiniest cog in the machinery of mind.

What are you actually doing?

Being, quite simply, an idiot.

This is one of my favourite quotes (David Wong):

“There are two ways to dehumanize someone: by dismissing them, and by idolizing them.” 

The same goes for studying. As shown above, studying won’t work out if you do not treat your subjects with respect. Conversely, studying also won’t work if you continue to idolize it as work beyond all work and reproach, as the only true calling, as the realm of the genii and by self-flagellating yourself and repeating “I’m but a humble servant in your kingdom of reason and will never reach where you are, but will spend all my time trying to reach you.” 

Why? Because by saying “I’ll never reach you or be worthy of you”, you’ve already sealed your fate. Some students (no matter how well they actually perform) are stuck thinking that they are stupid and incapable of doing well. Others think that the trick is in the preparation and they undergo complicated rituals of finding exactly the right study spot, exactly the right study drink, exactly the right study time, etc. in the hope of channeling the connection between their godly subject and themselves, but it never turns out quite as glamorous as they’d hoped (once again, speaking from experience).

This is because you cannot force a true friendship if you think yourself unworthy of it. It will always be worship. 

And why are you worshipping?
Because it takes the pressure right off of you
. This always annoyed me about some of my fellow students. They treated becoming a good student as this miraculous and unlikely event that only happens to the #blessed.
I insisted that “no”, it could be done. “Yes”, it was hard work, but ultimately absolutely doable. But now that I’ve been in their shoes? I understand.
Admitting that you could have done it anytime implies failure on your part for not having done it. By saying “Oh no, it is so very complex and divine and a lowly worm like me could never hope to crawl in its shadows”, you shift the focus away from yourself and onto the thing itself. 

But this is a synthetic, manufactured relationship with a partner that does not even exist. It is, at its heart, a kyaa  ~ I hope senpai notices me! (๑♡⌓♡๑) - kind of relationship. It’s idolizing not a person’s true character, but their appearance, their aesthetic and the values that they represent for you. It’s not really listening to what they’re saying, but warping their words so they fit into your perfect idea of them.
Just, unlike with undereage debasement, you do not play pretend that everything’s fine and secretly hate the other person deep down - you honestly idolize them to heaven and back, so you could never possible reach them.
You’re using them to fill in the holes in your own personality.

And that … just isn’t fun? I dunno about you, but treating studying as something that must be done perfectly with exactly the right pen and the perfect face-mask after the right smoothie and in the right lighting by a window overgrown with ivy and with perfect concentration from the first moment and unwavering, knightly passion and exact planning from 6am to bedtime all because I know deep down that I will not be able to fulfill these ideals and thus don’t have to feel bad about not reaching them just … isn’t for me. I don’t like my relationships to be all overstructured and “perfect” and high maintenance like that.

I want my friendships and my studying to be authentic. And that means that sometimes it’s messy and sometimes it’s hard and sometimes it’s quoting Keats while lying on the floor at 2am in the morning and chugging milk out of a carton, but it’s real.
I truly do understand this longing to make studying look pretty and like a magical realm, because when you’re in the flow that’s really what it feels like. But the beauty comes along with the practice, not the other way round.

No, but honestly - what do I DO then?


Y’remember Hippogriffs from Harry Potter? That’s how I imagine my subjects. Approach them carefully, honestly, maintaining eye contact and as equals and they will respect you. This scene:

This scene is what I’m talking about. 
If you were in a worship-state, you would only admire them from afar, gushing over how beautiful they are, but sad that they would never deign to even look in your general direction. (think of all the subjects you thought would be way too difficult for you)
If you were in a debasement-state, you’d either try to make friends with all the hippogriffs, hopping from one to the other and forming no bond with either or you’d “tsk” disdainfully and try to force them to obey you against their will. (*cough* Malfoy *cough*)

If, however, you’re in the green, there will be mutual respect between you and you will be able to fly.

So what does it mean to be in the green? 
It means not to do any of the above, obviously, so 

  • take your time for and invest brainpower into each and every one of your subjects - be a good friend. Be there. Listen. Even if they have crazy ideas at 4am in the morning. 
  • appreciate your subjects and know that they are more than the teacher who tries to get you to know them. Sometimes, some people just have a really shitty PR department (especially maths)
  • don’t think too much or too little of yourself. You can do amazing things, but that does not give you the license not to do amazing things anymore, rest on your laurels and expect others to applaud you for it. 

  • some relationships take longer than others to build, but getting to understand someone who puzzled you from the first moment and challenged your beliefs will improve your own personality as well
    (side-eye at PE. Yes, I love you now, you crazy athletic bastard)
  • do it for the sake of the relationship itself, because you enjoy their company. Results are presents which, although very much appreciated, should not be the main motivator to keep you going.
    This essentially means that you should think of studying as hanging out with a friend - already makes it seem so much more inviting and way less daunting, does it not?

    (Logic and I, being saltmates. Real friends judge other people together)
  • be aware that all friendships go through rocky patches and some subjects might take a while to warm up to you or you to them. But if you think that it’s worth it, then you gotta power through that. If you don’t think it’s worth it, you gotta be brave enough to say good-bye. 


Look, what I’m actually saying is … be Souma Yukihira from Food Wars.

Food Wars is a crazy and at times pretty pervy manga/anime, but I’ll be damned if it isn’t also one of the best pieces of fiction I’ve ever consumed and if Souma isn’t one of the most admirable main characters I’ve ever encountered.  

The relationship between him and cooking is filled with trust, love and equality. He trusts his cooking skills, because he knows that they have spent a long time together - cooking won’t let him down and he won’t ever let cooking down by stopping to look for ways to improve.

That doesn’t mean, however, that he’s always deadly serious - he loves to play around with cooking and to try ridiculous new things. He never forgets the joy that even the simplest form of cooking brings him. 

There’s one great episode where he puts his life as a chef on the line and someone fearfully asks him what he’d do if he lost. He shrugs and says he could become a lawyer or a teacher or something. So while he loves cooking profoundly, he does not worship it and he knows that there are other relationships he could build up if he had to. He just …doesn’t want to, because cooking is his bff. 

He loves to take on challenges to see how far he and cooking have come -

- and he takes challenges very seriously -


- but takes it even more seriously if he loses -

- and nonetheless knows that they are stronger for the challenges they have faced together. 

So, yes, this is what it means to be in the green. Cherish your friendships, hang out together, be honest, funny, clever, curious and you. 

You’ll be surprised at how much fun the two of you will have, now that all the pretensions and pressures are gone. 

Just …hang out and have fun.

(and maybe watch Food Wars!, because damn, Souma is the MVP of my inspirational heroes)

Have a great day and I’ll see you in the next (and hopefully shorter) part 4 :)