okay i definitely recommend Yuri on Ice and the Pokemon series (but like the older ones where it was still Ash Misty and Brock u feel) and I just started watching Mirai Nikki (Future Diary) and i love it a lot so far so i definitely recommend that !! I also love Soul Eater ~ for movies ofc i recommend ghibli (especially Howl’s Moving Castle and Spirited Away) !! AND KIMI NO NAWA/YOUR NAME OMG i just watched it when i was on the plane back from japan and it was such a great rollercoaster of emotions and plot twists i love it
To the last little that spoke about being chubby with eating. Don’t worry little one. I struggle with it too. I’ve learnt to accept that chubby is okay for myself and so can you. I get its hard to feel little I can struggle there sometines too. Just try eating healthy if you cant eat a lot to begin with work your way up to eating enough.It’s what I had to do.And exercise, even if it’s just walking sweetpea.You’re not alone. Feel free to message me if you ever want someone to talk to.
Any littles that need any support. I love being there to help others. You are never alone. Just send me a message. I’ll even answer anonymous asks if you’d rather stay anon. I love you all mods and babybears.
I feel bad for Barrie...he was the one with her when she was first getting recognized. He was probably so in love with her and just wanted to protect her. He probably learned him and Lana were broken up and then googled it to see all the pics of her kissing Francesco. :(
I know :( and I get that the relationship was bad though and hard on her though.. but she’s still mentioning it.. even though I disagree that it’s okay to just not tell someone you’re over..
“I was not sure if I could step out of that box of familiarity, which was having a lot of people around me who had a lot of problems and feeling like that was home base. Because it’s all I know. I spent my whole life reasoning with crazy people. I felt like everyone deserved a chance, but they don’t. Sometimes you just have to step away without saying anything.”
So I was going through our bookshelf yesterday, because we’re fast approaching the point where we need a clear-out, and I came across one of my all-time favourite creations ever, probably even beating shit like the wheel and penicillin. Years back, before leaving The Man to pursue his dreams of being a sort of professional clown-thing, my husband used to be a translator for Neath Port Talbot Council; as is often the way with Welsh councils, though, owing to a lack of money and also everywhere is really close to each other (this country is 150 miles wide at its widest point, and about 47 miles at the thin bit. Ver ver small), NPT Council’s translating department was shared by Swansea Council. Thus it was that, in the halcyon days of circa 2009, the two decided to team up and produce a new Welsh language book for learners between them, and thus it got sent through to Steffan to proof read it.
A Thing You May Not Know: Welsh is one of ten indigenous languages to Britain, arguably the oldest, and has been viciously oppressed over the last millennium and a half as part of England’s big If You Destroy Their Culture They’ll Be Glad To Be Ruled By You policy. These days, it’s nonetheless still spoken by approximately a fifth of the Welsh population; a hell of a feat, considering, but the suppression of it continues to this day (just in cleverer, sneakier ways now than whipping people’s children if they’re heard.) But it is classified as Endangered. Thanks to Welsh-language schools now being a thing (though supply is much lower than demand), transmission rates to the younger generation are pretty good; but, Welsh is peculiarly dependent on adult learners.
This means that learner books might have to appeal to both children and adults while using very simple language, which I explain in case it in some way justifies the bewildering weirdness of what I’m about to show you; because at first glance, this book is simply for children. But it’s… Well.
I present to you, with translations in bold and commentary by me, Y Babi Sinsir.
Literally, “the Ginger Baby”, but they mean ‘ginger’ as in ‘gingerbread’. Literal ginger. Not the colour.
This is Mr Jones. This is Mrs Jones.
What’s wrong, Mrs Jones? I want a baby.
Note: there will be some confusion in this book about whether the narrator is speaking, or anyone else. It might seem cut and dried here, but there are no speech marks around “Dw i eisiau babi”, whereas later speech marks are used, and also in two pages’ time the narrator will actively pass a value judgement using first person, so… Well.
But, so far so good.
Mrs Jones is making a Babi Sinsir.
… okay, so I like this page because of the capitalisation of Babi Sinsir and the lack of definite article. She’s just making a Babi Sinsir. You know, a Babi Sinsir? Magical baby made of gingerbread that you make if you can’t conceive but can’t afford IVF? Yeah. A Babi Sinsir. That’s right.
Let it be known that this is Not A Thing in Welsh folklore or mythology. What the fuck. How does this work. Where does the magic come from? Do you need a faerie ingredient? Will the next page tell us?
This is the Babi Sinsir. I like the Babi Sinsir.
But it is apparently shit-capable and needs a nappy. It’s good that the narrator likes it anyway.
The Babi Sinsir is bad. He’s running.
“Come back, Babi Sinsir.”
Look how Worried the Joneses are. Funny how they don’t seem to be calling that enthusiastically, though. I’d have expected an exclamation mark at least. Did Mrs Jones always have a massive left arm? I can’t remember.
“Run, run, catch me. I’m the Babi Sinsir.”
Yeah, okay, so that’s the Welsh for “Run! Run! As fast as you can! You can’t catch me, I’m the gingerbread man!”, but once again, I’m going to have to draw attention to the lack of expressive punctuation here. It really feels like this naughty Babi Sinsir’s heart is just not in this.
“Come and help, Mr Horse.” “Run, run, catch me. I’m the Babi Sinsir.”
Cool, look, a floating horse has come to help.
The pen there, incidentally, was an attempt by the translators to work out who was talking. I can’t imagine why. This dialogue is on fire, everyone can tell.
“Come and help, Mrs Cow.” “Run, run, catch me. I’m the Babi Sinsir.”
Now they have been joined in their high-speed zombie shuffle by a married floating cow who is, if I’m not much mistaken, high as shit.
“Come and help, Mr Goat.”“Run, run, catch me. I’m the Babi Sinsir.”
I’m starting to suspect the artist only knew how to draw the legs on animals in one way.
“Come and help, Mr Dog.”“Run, run, Catch me. I’m the Babi Sinsir.”
Yes, that dog is definitely here to ‘help’. Also… the Babi Sinsir is literally within reach of Mrs Jones’ massive left arm now. Why is she not just picking him up?
“Come and help, Miss Cat.” “Run, run, Catch me. I’m the Babi Sinsir.”
You may be wondering at this point if this is just… the whole book. An ever-increasing flock of floating zombie creatures shuffling after a naughty gingerbread baby in a nappy who is committing the cardinal sin of running. I mean… where can they go from here, amirite? A sheep? A squirrel? A chicken? We can hit a hundred pages this way, easy. The concern is the artist, whom I think was stretched a bit beyond their means on this project anyway.
BUT WORRY NOT! Shit’s about to go down, guys.
Oh no! Here comes Mr Wolf. Mr Wolf runs and catches the Babi Sinsir.
THAT IS A FOX
THAT IS A GODDAMN FOX YOU HEATHEN FUCK
WHAT THE FUCK
AND WHY THE FUCK IS IT WEARING CLOTHES WHEN NONE OF THE OTHER ANIMALS WERE
WHY IS IT DRESSED IN DUNGAREES LIKE A LAZY FARMHAND ON AN AMERICAN RANCH IN THE 1800S
This doesn’t bode well for the -
Half of the Babi Sinsir is left.
Quarter of the Babi Sinsir is left.
WHY DOES IT STILL LOOK SAD AND HORRIFIED WHY IS IT STILL ALIVE OH MY GOD
The Babi Sinsir has gone! There’s tasty.
I realise this is not the main point to make here, but two pages ago it had eaten half of that nappy, and now it’s whole again and delicately discarded to one side, I just want
It’s okay, right? This happens in fairytales? Little Red Riding Hood? Someone will eviscerate the fox and out will come the Babi Sinsir…’s pieces, and they can be baked back together…?
No one cares!
Mrs Jones is making another Babi Sinsir.
The new Babi Sinsir loves Mrs Jones.
…okay, so there’s a lot for us all to take in right now, and we’re all going to get through it at different speeds. But I’m just going to draw attention to the fact that Mr Jones is now merely depicted as a picture on the wall, and the new Babi Sinsir apparently only loves Mrs Jones, and…
Okay so they just lost their beloved baby gingerbread son because he got eaten alive by a fox in dungarees calling itself a wolf, right? Mrs Jones apparently couldn’t give less of a fuck if she tried, as long as she has some flour and ginger left over to make another. This one she made to love her.
Mr Jones, I presume, had a total mental breakdown and drank himself to death. At the very least, he’s left her, look. All she has left is the photo.
But does dim ots! Mae’r Babi Sinsir newydd yn caru Mrs Jones.
And that is the story of Y Babi Sinsir, aka the greatest work of literature ever written.
OMG OK LET ME LEARN Y'ALL A THING. My friend told me about this guy named Sufjan Stevens and all I can say is WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT HIM.
Okay so first, he is such a pure lil bean. He’s a Christian but get this– HE’S NOT SEXIST, HOMOPHOBIC, TRANSPHOBIC, RACIST, ISLAMOPHOBIC, OR APHOBIC. I know right??? He just loves Jesus a whole hecking lot and it’s so freaking cute. He’s also this cute shy lil mouse boy and he barely does interviews because he has anxiety. Just a lil flower boy with no time for neurotypical BSery.
SECOND. He writes the most ADORABLE, PURE, SQUEE-WORTHY mlm music. Like seriously, put that shit on your fic-writing playlists and you will be writing some cute-ass fluff in no time. He just loves boys a lot and it makes my heart so big and full.
THIRDO. He is a STEAL. Seriously, I have high standards and I would go frickledy-frack on him in like three seconds flat if I was even in the same room as him. Those blue-green eyes. Those delectable lips. Whew, is it sweaty in here or is that just me?
FOURTHERLY. He and his gay opera friend Nico Muhly are way too cute for words and I am frankly disappointed that the Tumblr fandom crew hasn’t made any ship content whatsoever. If they aren’t dating I am going to be literally shattered. My poor heart can’t take all the cuteness.
IN CONCLUSION! Listen to Sufjan Stevens or the Tumblr gods will smite you.
Hey pals. Apparently this is a thing that we, as an internet femslash community, need, so it is time for Grouchy Aunt J’s Guide To Fandom Deportment.
1. I know that you really like your favourite actors, especially the ones involved in your fave wlw ships. I totally understand this! They are pretty, and wlw fandom is really fun, and if your ship is also a canon ship then it is super exciting and validating to see yourself reflected in media that you love. I, too, love that feeling and get really passionate about the media that I watch, which is why I am a Fandom Old.
2. The actors in your favourite ships are people. Like, real people, with anxieties and food preferences and sometimes they have weird hair days and some of them are introverted and some of them are extroverted, etc etc etc. When they are acting in your favourite media, they are going to work.
3. Part of an actor’s job these days is to sometimes be around on social media. Sometimes not! If they are kind/friendly/available on social media, that is a fun perk of someone who is going the extra mile for their job. You are not entitled to this.
4. Even if you super like a ship and are really passionate about fandom, there are things it is not alright to do. Actors are people, and when fans start treating them poorly it is unkind and potentially frightening or traumatic. Plus, your behaviour reflects badly on all fans and means that fandom as a whole doesn’t get to have nice things anymore. (Thanks, jerks.)
5. It is never okay to:
harass actors on social media because something about their character is interfering with your ship/they’re not supporting your ship enough/they’re supporting the wrong ship too much/their character is problematic/the ship you think their ship is better than is problematic/just whatever please stop it this is not their problem. Tweeting at them will not fix whatever is upsetting you on the show you like, but it is probably pretty hurtful for them and not something they should have to put up with.
harass/question actors who are involved in queer ships about their sexuality in public spaces. People’s sexuality is private, and being involved in portraying a queer canon or subtext ship doesn’t give fans the right to know about an actor’s queerness or lack thereof unless they choose to volunteer that.
tell actors on social media about any sexual fantasies you may or may not have about them, b/c sexual consent also applies to actors.
send actors unsolicited links to/hand bound novellas/lovingly hand-lettered scrolls of fanfiction, especially smutty fanfiction, especially especially if that author is not aware that their fic is getting sent to actors inappropriately.
send actors your nsfw fanart about them, or someone else’s nsfw fanart about them, oh my g o d.
ask them to read your fanfiction or autograph your fanfiction, damn.
5a. A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself: would I, or another a reasonable person, want to see this [insert fanwork of varying levels of nsfw] about a representation of myself/themselves? Most actors are actual people who find this just as upsetting as you might find it, if someone drew fanart of you and then brought it to your workplace.
5b. Yes, I know, there is a certain amount of distance involved in creating fanworks because they are about fictional characters and that storytelling and play is one of the things I love about fandom. But I also never, under any circumstances, would want any of the actors involved in my ships to read my fanfiction because it would be super uncomfortable and that’s the point.
6. Also, your favourite actor’s non-actor family and friends are just that: not actors. Don’t bother them. Don’t - hypothetically - stalk them and try to catfish them to get information about your favourite actor. It’s super super not okay and it’s a huge boundary violation.
In conclusion: social media is super great and has changed fandom in a lot of neat ways, but having cool TV and movie actors available to connect with in that way is a privilege, not a right. Let’s all act like we are worthy of it.
tree bros hcs
- connor gives 0 shits and he’s like “move it im gay” to everyone that’s in his way and evan trails behind with his face all red apologizing to ppl for his edgy boyfriend
- connor left his sweatshirt in evans room once when they were smooching and evan panicked when he found it bc that sweatshirt is connors comfort object; it’s got worn down holes on the cuffs of the sleeves from years of connor fidgeting with it; and evan rushes to school that morning to give it to connor bc ‘holy shit what if he thinks i did it on purpose i distracted him w kisses and i stole his sweatshirt and he’ll never talk to me again’ and connor is like 'dude. buddy. keep it. i feel good knowing you have it. it’ll keep u safe when im not there. it’s chill, okay?’
- evan wears the connor sweatshirt every night to bed even if it’s hot af out bc he never ever feels safer than in that sweatshirt
- (connor honestly did freak out when he realized he left it at evans but then he thought abt evan tucked nice and snug in it and that was a more comforting thought to him than actually getting it back. so he buys a new sweatshirt for himself at hot topic and they both match)
- evan is so fucking extra he finds 56 cents in the pockets of this fucking sweatshirt and gives the loose change back to connor and connor is just like …….bruh
- they go on walks all the time it’s their favorite date activity and evan gets so PUMPED to show connor his trees and evan is like “okay GUESS WHATS COOL ABOUT THIS ONE” and connor is like “it’s….tall.”
- connor went to see evan a lot when he worked at the park as a lil ranger thing and he LOVES evans silly uniform like it’s not even hardcore embarrassing or anything, he just gets a kick out of the fact that evan gets to wear a badge for knowing Some Facts About Trees
- evan always fixes the tags sticking out of connors shirt collars
- and connor always gets defensive like “maybe i wanted it there did you ever think of that >:|” and evan gets all cute flustered
- connor is the first to say i love u and he doesn’t make it a big deal, he just kind of says it one day and evan works himself up into a Panicked State bc he wanted to say it for the longest time but was too anxious to be the first one and now the barrier is just suddenly gone and connor loves him??? and that’s just a lot to handle so obviously evans hands get sweaty
- evan proofreads all of connors essays and connor loves watching him get lost in reading them
- ONE TIME and one time only evan gets up the courage to ask connor what the heck weed is like and connor hands him a brownie like “eat this” and evan eats the brownie and wow is he calmer or? something? and he’s being just WEIRD and connor is snorting bc it was just a normal, clean Cynthia Murphy brownie. he’d never give evan weed are you kidding me
- zoe and evan play this game where they bet on how many of connors outfit pieces are from hot topic but it’s all very discreet like “wow that’s a cool chain leather jacket connor where’d you get that from” and he’ll tell them and then one of them inevitably screams
- evan braids connors hair bc it’s calming for the both of them
- they watch nature documentaries like all the time and no one knows why or how it happens. it will be the middle of the day and somehow these two are dead asleep on the couch with natgeo on the tv at full volume
- they also watch a lot of antiques roadshow but they seek it out and genuinely have a good time with it
a thing I love about the TransDanny headcanon: there’s a photo of Danny and Maddie when he was little, happily dressed and presenting as male, meaning that his parents either accepted him as trans from a young age, or allowed him to dress himself and have his hair done as short as he wanted and not forcing him to conform to gender roles, which allowed his coming out to be a lot easier
did he have a phase where everyone just called him a ‘tomboy’? or did he announce that he was a boy early on and that was that from then on? did he start school as Daniel or Danielle? like maybe it was one of those kids will be kids things where he wanted to be a boy for a day and his parents were like, 'aww that’s cute we’ll let her have her fun’ but a day became a week, a month, a year, he never grew out of it because he was never just playing pretend
personally I like to think that it started with Maddie and Jack just having super lax views on gender roles, unsurprising since Jack loves knitting which he might have been made fun of for because it’s 'feminine’ and Maddie is very strong and self sufficient and grew up with a big tough sister who wears her hair short and acts very 'masculine’, so they already have experience subverting traditional gender roles
so when they have a daughter who drags them to the boy aisle as soon as she’s old enough to choose her own clothes/toys and asks for a short haircut like that Chip Skylark guy who sings about his shiny teeth on tv, Maddie and Jack are just like, yeah sure why not? their kid can look however she wants
Danny was able to present as male from a very early age, his parents treated him and Jazz equally regardless of gender and I feel like maybe he didn’t even think to ask to be referred to by male pronouns until he got to school and the kids immediately assumed he was male and he realised ho dang, this feels RIGHT.
and then he’d have the teachers calling him Danielle and referring to him as female and another kid is like, umm Danny’s a boy tho?? and the teacher looks at this little boy with little boy hair and little boy clothes and is like, oh uh sorry kid there must have been a mistake in the paperwork, was it supposed to say Daniel?
and he’s just like yES YES DANIEL THAT’S RIGHT THAT IS MY NAME ALWAYS YEP
but then he feels bad because technically he 'lied’ to the teacher so he goes home and doesn’t say anything because he thinks his parents will be mad at him for lying on his first day at school
and then the parents get a call from some very confused school staff asking whether or not they’d enrolled a boy or a girl because they had a Danielle Fenton in the paperwork but a Daniel Fenton was dropped off to class this morning and that’s when Maddie and Jack were like… oooooh okay so this is how it is
they tell the school that he’s definitely a boy, always has been, they don’t say he’s trans because they probably don’t even know that word exists but they do know that their daughter seems far more comfortable as their son and they don’t see a problem with that and as far as they’re concerned it’s none of the school’s business
they’d probably sit Danny down for a talk after that in which he starts crying and apologising and they have to spend about ten minutes ensuring him that he isn’t in trouble for lying at school and if he wants to be a boy that’s okay they can call him a boy for as long as he wants, he just has to let them know if he changes his mind but if he doesn’t then that’s okay too, they just want him to be happy
and from that point on he was pretty much just the Fentons’ son, his parents would buy him binders and do research on trans kids to make sure they were doing the right thing and as soon as he was old enough for T they said they’d support him whether or not he wanted to take it and if there were any complications it was okay because he was still their boy no matter what his body looked like
I mean just, the Fentons have fucked up a lot of aspects of parenthood so I just really really REALLY want them to have done this one RIGHT or as right as they possibly can, they might be quite scatterbrained and neglectful at times but it’s clear that they really do love their kids, and were probably a lot closer with them when they were young, so it makes sense to me that they would be accepting of Danny’s identity even from such a young age
all they want is for their kids to feel happy and safe, which means when they find out he’s half ghost it still doesn’t MATTER, because they already promised they’d accept him no matter what
I didn’t. It just that one day I woke up, and I just.. I just didn’t feel anything for him. Not love, not like, not hate, nor anger, not even sadness or disappointment, just.. nothing. Like my heart entered a sudden oblivion, and it just forgot. It forgot to remember to care for him or to think of him, and in a blink of an eye, everything about him, every feelings I associated with him is erased, and he didn’t matter anymore. Like he never really mattered at all.
And I’m okay with it. I mean, it’s a lot like looking at a blank grey canvas, what do you suppose to feel about it? Nothing, right? Nothing and just okay.
cynthia go // This is how I’d fallen out of love with him // excerpt from a book i’ll never write #33
I am a huge fan of BTS and I consider myself an ARMY because I love BTS so much. But there are some people who want to ruin it for everyone else. NOTICE I AM SAYING SOME. Not every ARMY is like this. But let me just say that I’ve gathered a lot of reciepts.
One, let’s start with that dummy who tweeted Wale and told them to back off Namjoon bc Namjoon doesn’t need anyone leeching off of his fame. This person got noticed by Wale and Wale responded by saying okay, I won’t work with him. FIRST OF ALL HOW FREAKING DARE YOU BLOCK NAMJOON FROM CREATING BEAUTIFUL WORK WITH OTHER ARTISTS. YOU DON’T OWN HIM AND YOU SHOULDN’T BE RUDE TO OTHER ARTISTS THAT THEY WORK WITH. Wale made a name for himself way before he collaborated with Namjoon and he honestly didn’t need to work with Namjoon in order to get bigger.
Two, some fans are going and rating other artists songs down because they don’t want anyone to catch up to BTSs fame. I saw this particularly with Monsta X after they dropped SHINE FOREVER. Some ARMYs were out there rating Monsta X music at .5 stars which will hurt their ratings. BTS doesn’t even have a current comeback and they aren’t competing on stage with Monsta X. There is literally no reason to do this other than BEING A FREAKING ASS HOLE. MONSTA X WORKS REALLY HARD AND SOME PEOPLE CHOOSE TO TARNISH THE RATINGS THAT THEY WORKED SO HARD FOR OVER SOME PETTY ASS COMPETITION SHIT.
Lastly, all of this fighting between fandoms over which artist is better and shit needs to chill. Like, I get that everyone has a favorite band and everyone has their own opinions but that doesn’t have to be shown through constant fan wars and arguments. Especially when the groups actually get along with each other.
What do you think were the best nalu moments in this arc so far?
Hmm~ This is a good question! I had to go back quite far for this one, but I think you’ll like it! It’s gonna be a long answer, so let’s get started!
First off, we have Natsu coming back from his year long training session:
I mean, in the entirety of chapter 418 we see just how much Lucy misses Natsu (and Happy too of course), but in this page, you can see how happy she is that he’s back. She looks almost relieved (not that she wasn’t thriving on her own, but she had a hole in her heart). Natsu looks ecstatic to see Lucy (we even get a little blush).
Moving on to chapter 419 (don’t worry, I won’t be going through every chapter like this lmao) but OH MY GOD LOOK. Natsu had no idea how hard Lucy was working and how broken she was losing Aquarius, everyone, and HIM all at once. I think this is where he truly understood her pain whether he knew all the details or not.
Also, how can we forget how “first chapter” this page is. It’s almost like Lucy can’t believe it. He’s back and so is Fairy Tail.
Here, it’s pretty clear that Natsu has learned how much him leaving as well hurt her. I think this is v important for their relationship… Which they still have yet to “resolve” though I don’t think Natsu leaving was entirely “selfish”.
I think here Natsu is trying to gain Lucy’s trust again. To prove himself to her, and honestly I believe that this scene is very intimate between them and the way their relationship is. Not so much romantically, but their trust in each other.
We also get a LOT of scenes of both Natsu and Lucy reacting like this to one another…
Okay, okay I know, I’m nitpicking everything- HOW CAN I PICK JUST A FEW FAVORITES?? But alright, I’m going to get into general, overarching moments that I think are the best and really love!
There is A LOT under this break and there are also spoilers of the latest chapters!! Please read with caution :)
You’re In Love With Him But He Likes Your Best Friend
Masterlist linked in bio
Harry’s been drinking all night.
It all started off with Savannah, whom he went to Lexi’s Bar with a couple of friends. It was a tradition they all had that carried throughout the past couple of months. Because Friday night meant cheaper alcohol, and Y/n’ s closing shift.
They were all having a good time, Y/n serving them drinks and they all drank their week away. It was just a night of celebrating the end of the week, where stress could be left behind for at least a couple of hours.
Everything was great until Harry got too handsy. It wasn’t his fault, he thinks, they had been talking for months and he had no particular reason to refrain himself from wrapping his arms around Savannah, considering she’s let him do it many times before.
But tonight, she wasn’t going near him, which was a drastic change from her previous attitude with him earlier that night.
So now, he’s stranded at Lexi’s Bar past closing hours, tipsy out of his mind. Savannah left without a word, abandoning him at the bar with no other ride home.
“Jesus, Harry!” Y/n gasps, her hand instinctively reaching for her chest when she makes her way back to the bar. “What the hell are you still doing here?!”
Their friends had left a while ago, only Harry remaining slumped against the bar with an empty glass of Malibu. She wasn’t aware of his stay, in fact, it was her closing shift and the bar had closed twenty minutes ago. Only the slight sound of the radio and the clanging of dishes Y/n was washing could be heard throughout the scene.
He looks like a mix of frustrated and upset, a clear shadow of sadness in his eyes as he looks up at her. He frowns a bit, looking back down at the empty glass that’s fiddling in his hands as he lets out an almost inaudible sigh.
“Do you mind driving me home?” he asks guiltily, “Savannah was my ride but she’s not really speaking to me right now.”
Y/n furrows her eyebrows at the softness of his words, an evident tone of helplessness when he spoke. She nods her head slightly, reaching over to grab his finished drink.
“Gonna wash this real quick,” she mutters, “you can grab your coat, I’ll be right out.”
Harry nods while shooting her a small smile through his frown. He’s always been extremely appreciative of her efforts with him. He knows damn well no other person would be able to treat him the way she does. She put him first, always, and it had always been something Harry never fully understood. She went out of the way for him whenever he needed it most, without the smallest hesitation. And if he needed someone to talk to, even if it was about the horrendous traffic on his way to work, she was always there to listen to him.
He can’t lie, he feels guilty that it’s her closing shift and she’d have to be driving out of her way in order to take him home. But in all honesty, he had nobody else. Savannah left without a word after Harry tried desperately to get her attention, his other friends following shortly after in one car, leaving Harry stranded alone at the bar with Y/n still working. So, really, this was his only option.
When Y/n returns to the front of the bar, she remains silent as she grabs her coat off of the hanger. She looks at him from the corner of her eye, watching as his fingers rub harsh circles against his temples, a gesture he’s always done when he was stressed. He shook his head slightly, shutting his eyes tightly as he fixes the jacket hanging swiftly from his shoulders.
She bites her lip, curious eyes wandering around his slumped frame. Seeing Harry distressed makes her feel upset. Witnessing him at a time of stress was extremely rare, and something about it makes Y/n’s stomach drop. He was always so positive, always making sure the people around him were smiling. He has the type of personality others strive, because he’s so selfless and effortless at everything he does, it’s the part of him Y/n always loved and admired.
“What happened? You okay?”
Harry lets out a frustrated sigh, his nose flaring as he closes his eyes momentarily.
“Savannah’s just so confusing sometimes. I like her a lot, but she’s hard to keep up with. It’s like she’s into me one minute and the next like I’m completely wasting her time, you know? I don’t know what she wants from me anymore.”
Y/n nods, understanding completely what he’s talking about. Savannah often does this to him—to most guys, actually.Because of how different they both are relationship-wise, it’s almost impossible for Harry to adjust to Savannah’s ‘hard to get’ character. Harry prefers to not waste any time when it comes to dating. If he likes someone who reciprocates feelings, he immediately takes action. That’s how he always was with his past girlfriends, taking no time to start a relationship with them.
Savannah, however, loves the game. Being chased amuses her, almost makes her feel as if she’s worth something. Because of her undoubtable beauty and irresistibly charming personality, she always makes the man work for her liking. Her character always made guys frustrated but exposed them to an entirely different relationship. Her hot to cold attitude made men feel intimidated, yet motivated them to catch her. Because, undoubtedly, she’s the ultimate catch no guy could ever ignore.
It had always been that way, too. When Y/n and Savannah both hit puberty, Savannah was the irresistible one. Her figure curved at all the right edges, her tan complexion naturally glowing, and she started to expose herself to new people.
She wasn’t shy of anything. Any opportunity to take on a challenge called Savannah’s name. She was constantly seeking adventure and finding new people to get along with. Which, of course, wasn’t hard at all. Everyone liked Savannah, it was almost impossible not to.
Y/n, however, was the exact opposite. She was beautiful, but not ‘Savannah beautiful.’ She was paler, not a spot of makeup on her face. Her body was a bit more frail than hers, her curves not as extenuated. She was more introverted, as well, only speaking when she felt was necessary. The only way she was able to make friends was through Savannah’s courageous behavior.
And although Savannah and Y/n had an unbreakable bond since middle school, being Savannah’s best friend screwed up Y/n’s love life tremendously. It hurt Y/n a lot throughout her high school years. Being best friends with the most beautiful girl wasn’t easy for her, if anything, it made her feel less about herself. It’s the exact reason why she hasn’t dated in years. Because guys Y/n liked always ended up falling for Savannah.
Which is exactly what’s happening with Harry.
Y/n first met Harry when she began working at Lexi’s. It was her first Friday night shift during the summer. It was her first week after training, so she wasn’t quite used to the busy weekends and late hours, but she didn’t mind it.
She was rearranging glasses at the bar when Harry first walked in. Her breath hitched in her throat when she first saw him enter. She could have sworn her heart had jumped out from her chest in that very moment. He was beautiful, a different kind of beautiful, too. He was so effortless at it—the way he moved and the way he presented himself; he had confidence in himself without flaunting it.
He was wearing tight black jeans with a pink floral see-through button up, flowing loosely from his shoulders. His chest was in great view, as well, the cross hanging from his necklace dangling perfectly between his pecs. His hair was freshly cut, his face freshly shaved and had an aroma of a cologne Y/n wasn’t familiar with. It was unique, though, like him, and all-in-all made him more attractive than she already perceived him to be.
Her eyes went wide when he claimed the barstool in front of her, her actions coming to a halt as her eyes hawked over his every move. She genuinely forgot how to breathe, his physical features overwhelming her in ways she’s never experienced before. The world around her seemed to fade as she admired every part of him she could see.
He was just so breathtaking.
It wasn’t until one of the other bartenders dropped a glass onto the floor that Y/n was pulled out of her trance. She quickly shook her head, slowly coming back in touch with reality. Thankfully, he hadn’t seemed to notice her presence yet.
She shook her head again before working to dry the remaining shot glasses. She just had to make it a couple of hours without completely embarrassing herself in front of him, that’s all she had to do.
Her eyes drifted slightly to him again when he lifted his right leg up against the unoccupied barstool next to him, leaning over before his fingers started working to retie his shoelace.
“The usual.” he spoke, eyes still cast downward.
Y/n looked around behind the counter, checking to see if he was talking to someone else. Considering she had just started working there a week ago and hasn’t served him yet, she was completely clueless as to what he was ordering.
He looked up from his shoes, eyes diverting right into hers as a sense of realization reached his features.
“Oh, I see,” he giggled, “Sorry, love. I wasn’t aware there was a new bartender in town.”
His voice was both raspy and smooth in the most elegant way she’s ever heard. His accent was so incredibly thick she could visually see it by the way his lips moved. And his giggle, with the slight smirk he developed made her heart flutter in her chest.
Y/n nodded, smiling slightly at him.
“Yeah, just started a week ago. Nobody’s ever ordered ‘the usual’ before.” she joked, nervous laughter falling from her lips as she tucked loose pieces of hair behind her ear.
He grinned at her, his cheeks turning a bit peachy. He had to admit, she was gorgeous, and clearly had a great sense of humor. He could tell she was shy, though, by the way she wasn’t confident in her words and the way her cheeks flushed whenever he spoke to her.
“Cute” he muttered ever so slightly, Y/n almost thought she imagined it, “‘The usual,’ at least for me, is a Malibu Bay Breeze. Bit heavier on the cranberry juice, a bit lighter on the pineapple.”
Y/n nodded, muttering a quiet “coming right up” before gathering the ingredients. Harry watched her as she poured it all together, mixing the essential ingredients, admiring her gestures and movements whenever he said something that made her smile.
They talked for hours that night, getting to know each other. Y/n was mesmerized, completely and utterly captivated at how somebody like him could possibly exist. He was everything she’s ever dreamed of—there wasn’t any part of him she didn’t find alluring. This was the only time she’s ever spoken to him, yet she found herself feeling something she’s never felt before.
And the feelings only got stronger with time. Every Friday for four months, Y/n found Harry coming into Lexi’s earlier than he usually did, and every time he’d come she prepared him a Malibu Bay Breeze—heavy on the cranberry, light on the pineapple.
He stayed with her until closing, until the last light went off and the music went down. And after she was off her shift, he took her to the 24-hour movie theater that hardly anybody went to in those early hours of the morning. Instead of watching, however, they spent the entire movie goofing around with popcorn and sharing fond memories of their childhood.
To say Y/n had fallen hard for Harry was an understatement. She was completely and unconditionally in love with him.
The feeling he had given her never subsided—he never failed to give her a feeling of euphoria whenever he spent his Friday nights with her. And the more he opened up to her, and the more she opened up to him, the more it felt right. He felt right, no part of her doubted that for a second. He captured her heart and she knew there was no way in hell she was ever getting it back.
Savannah even began to notice her shift in mood ever since her Friday night shifts began. It was as if she turned into an entirely different person. She seemed more confident in herself, and Savannah started noticing the softest of smiles illuminating on her face every so often.
Y/n was the happiest she had ever been before, she swore she was on cloud nine. Y/n started to believe nothing could have torn her down. Nothing.
But then, it happened.
Savannah showed up to Lexi’s during Y/n’s regular Friday night shift. It was a little past midnight, arriving back from her aunt’s wedding—which Y/n would have attended if she didn’t need the money (and if it wasn’t during her shift Harry was a frequent customer in).
She ran in with a long eggplant purple dress, which had a long slit along the leg. Her hair curled in perfect waves that fell loosely down her shoulders, her makeup illuminating and extenuating her flawless features.
“Y/n!” She squealed, scurrying her way to the bar while nearly tripping over her six-inch heels.
Y/n saw Harry’s eyes widen at the sight of her. Of course she visited her when Harry’s here, and of course, she visited when she looked as beautiful as ever. Y/n knew the second Savannah walked in that it was over, every possibility of her and Harry building up to a relationship has been knocked down to the ground.
Y/n closed her eyes momentarily, because she started to feel every part of her heartbreak, and it was the most painful feeling she’s ever felt. Harry’s only seen Savannah for a couple of seconds and he was already looking at her in a way he never has with Y/n.
She gritted her teeth harshly, because how did she think this wouldn’t happen? This was always how it ended, and even if Harry ever liked Y/n enough to start a relationship with her, she wouldn’t be able to hide him from Savannah forever.
“Guess what!” she yelled once she found her way to the bar, leaning against it so she was as close as possible to Y/n.
“What?” Y/n smiled weakly, unable to rid the aching in her chest.
“The photographer at the wedding asked me to be a model for his pictures! And not only that, but he just started working for Top Shop, said he could talk to some people for me to make this work! Can you believe it?! Savannah Turk, next top model! Gosh, I’m so excited!”
Y/n smiled widely. It was always Savannah’s dream to become a model, and she could definitely pull it off. In all honesty, she was shocked she wasn’t one already.
“That’s great, Savannah!” Y/n gasped, “I can’t believe this! I’m so happy for you!”
They both reached over to hug each other, Savannah jumping up and down as small squeals fall from her lips. Once they let go, Y/n is quick to fix up Savannah’s favorite drink as she claims the barstool next to Harry.
Harry’s heart began to race as she scooted closer to him. She was completely breathtaking. He had never seen someone like her before, every part of her intrigued him. She drew him in, and there was no way in hell there was any chance of going back.
“I’m Harry, by the way.”
Savannah let out a slight “push” as she waved her hand in the air.
“I know, Y/n doesn’t shut up about you.”
Y/n’s eyes widened, but quickly refrained against her shocked expression as she let out a nervous laugh. God, they couldn’t know about her feelings, because she hadn’t told anybody about how she felt about Harry and certainly wanted to avoid talking about it while he’s practically gawking over Savannah.
Harry looked up at Y/n with a playful smirk resting perfectly on his face.
“Well, who else is going to get me through my Friday night shifts?” Y/n laughed.
Harry lifted his drink up to her, eyebrows lifting as he smirked at her, “And who else is going to get me through my loneliness, eh?”
Savannah’s eyebrows lifted, a wide grin on her face as she looked over to Harry. And by God, he surely was a sight to see.
“Oh, so ‘Friday night shift boy’ is lonely? Don’t know why Y/n hasn’t taken advantage of that yet,” Savannah smirked, “I know I would have.”
Y/n nods again, mustering up a sympathetic smile to him. She doesn’t want any part of Savannah’s games to make him feel bad about himself. None of what he’s feeling is his fault, and every atom in her body aches for him to know that.
“I’m sorry, Harry” she whispers, “I know how much that can hurt, you don’t deserve it.”
He gives her a soft smile, but it falls just as quickly as it spreads. His gaze falls to the floor, eyebrows furrowing as he shakes his head softly.
“I just can’t keep doing this with her.”
His soft and Bambi eyes look up at her in sorrow, a frown stretched on his lips at the strain his heart has endured.
“I don’t know what more I can do, Y/n.”
And as selfish as it sounds, the first thought that comes to her mind after the hopeless words leave Harry’s mouth is you can love me back.
Because, God, if he loved her, she wouldn’t keep him waiting. She wouldn’t keep him under the impression that he’s not good enough. No, Harry’s fulfilled every part of her wildest dreams, and she would never let a day go by without making him feel the way he deserves—loved.
Despite her selfish thoughts that she desperately wishes she could say to him, she pushes them all aside. Harry needs her, he needs her to be the friend that will be there for him in the latest hours of the night. He needs her shoulder to lean on, and she can’t deny the chance to help him through this and make him feel better.
She doesn’t respond to him, only slinging her bag around her shoulder and pointing her head toward the exit doors.
“We can talk about this later, yeah? Lets just get you home first.”
The ride to his house was silent, mainly consisting of the soft tune on the radio and Y/n’s hushed voice singing along. With the alcohol still buzzing inside Harry’s head, he didn’t mind the silence they shared. It was comfortable because Harry wasn’t in the mood to discuss his anticlimactic relationship with Savannah. He just needed someone to listen to him, to be there for him, and Y/n was his favorite company.
When they arrive at his house, Y/n is basically carrying Harry to his door.
“Yeah, alright, you—that’s right, you’re good” she huffs, the weight of his body making it a struggle for her to walk.
He isn’t drunk enough for her to completely guide him, but he is stumbling a bit and does find himself tripping over his own two feet a couple of times.
Y/n giggles, shaking her head as she walks him through his front door.
“I knew I shouldn’t have made you that many drinks. Thank God you weren’t planning on driving, that would have been a mess.”
Harry doesn’t have much time to respond before she sits him down on his couch. She runs her thumb along his forehead softly, wiping away some of the sweat before smiling at him softly.
"Gonna make you some tea, now.”
Harry shakes his head, his hand reaching to grab her wrist.
“Love, you don’t have to,” Harry shakes his head, “you’ve been making everybody’s drinks all night.”
She shrugs, a small smile tugging on her lips.
“I don’t mind. You’re upset, I want to make sure you feel better, alright? I know that Savannah does this to you and I don’t—“ she pauses, closing her eyes softly, “and I don’t want you to keep thinking that this is your fault.”
His heart swells at her words, his large hands reaching out to grip her small ones.
“Would you mind just—just lying down with me for a bit? I don’t want the tea, just need your company right now.”
Y/n frowns slightly, and she isn’t sad because she doesn’t want to be with him. What makes her sad is the intimacy of holding him would give her no chance to escape her feelings. Whenever she feels the heartbreak sneaking back up on her, she always finds a way to distract herself from the pain. Whether it was rearranging her bedroom, organizing the books on her bookshelf, or focusing on her work, there was always a way to escape the pain.
But it’s when she feels him—whether it’s the touch of his hand, or a rub of the shoulder—when she feels his skin ignite her and when she feels the warmth of is body against her, there was no running away from the harsh reality she’s been living in. There is no escape from the thought that she’s in love with someone she can never have because all she feels when she feels him is broken.
And it’s in these moments she finds herself being most selfish. Because he needs her now, holding him, reassuring him that everything will be okay. He’s going through the same feeling she is, and all she can think about is her stupid self and her broken heart, even when he needs her most.
She lays down on his couch first, which Harry finds particularly inviting. He lays with his head face down against her neck, legs tangled in between hers with his arms wrapped around her back. He loves cuddling with her. She’s just so soft, and she feels cozy, especially after he drinks heaps of alcohol. He hasn’t cuddled with her for a while, either, and holding her against him now already makes his shitty night somewhat tolerable.
“Thank you for being with me, Y/n” he mumbles against her collar bone, the fabric of her t-shirt moving against his lips. “And I’m sorry I made you drive me back.”
She giggles softly, her fingers brushing through his messy bed of curls. She feels him relax into her the more she rakes his hair, and he doesn’t hesitate to keep her motions going.
“It’s okay, didn’t have any other plans. Besides, I kind of miss being alone with you sometimes.”
He hums in response, pressing his cheek further into her neck. His eyes shut, his body relaxing to the sound of her heartbeat, which he feels thumping perfectly against his chest.
“S’good to me” he mumbles, “don’t know what I’d do without you, you know.”
Y/n feels her heart skip at the words he spoke against her, her whole body getting an overwhelming sense of despondency.
“I think I’m gonna keep fighting for her” Harry interjects.
His voice is slurring now, his half-asleep daze making his words all jumbled. But he knows what he’s saying, and Y/n knows, too, and her heart plummets. Her throat suddenly begins to choke on cries she wasn’t aware had come so quickly. It’s just another reminder, just another confirmation that Savannah always gets what she wants, even if Y/n wants it more.
“Yeah, I’m not gonna give up on her yet. If I like her, I gotta fight for it, right? She’d be well worth it, too.”
Y/n tries desperately to blink away her tears, and she’s forever grateful that the light is off in his living room when she fails to do so.
“I—I think you should do what you want, Harry” her voice shakes as she speaks, “I’ll be here for you either way.”
Harry holds her tighter, humming in response again, because he’s already falling asleep and finds no energy in him to answer her.
She wishes with everything in her that she can scream, scream at him for being so fucking stupid and oblivious to her love. And the worst part is that she can’t even blame him. She had an entire four months where she could have confessed her feelings, where she could have told him how in love with him she was.
But would it have changed anything? Would they have just ended up in this shitty situation anyway?
And it isn’t until Harry’s passed out on top of her, his breath spreading along her chest and his fingers rubbing her back in his slumber that Y/n realizes she could spend forever laying here with him, all wrapped up against his body. She could fall asleep like this every night, after a long day of work and empty wine glasses on the coffee table. She could see everything, everything she’s ever envisioned, with him.
And it’s in this moment she realizes that she can’t keep doing this anymore, either.
Her cheeks dampen with her tears, hands shaking in his hair. Never would she think she’d have to let him go, but seeing his face rest so peacefully on her chest, she knows she has to.
“I love you, Harry.” She cries, her fingers gripping onto the roots of his hair.
“God, Harry, I love you so much.” she sobs.
If Harry wasn’t such a deep sleeper, she would have never dreamt of saying all of this. But he’s remaining asleep, lips parted as he snores, the alcohol in his veins making him almost immobile against her.
“You deserve to be happy, Harry” she whispers, “I shouldn’t hold you back.”
Her body is shaking, soft cries leaving her lips and endless tears streaming down her face. She doesn’t want to let go, she doesn’t want to stop loving him in the way she does now. Because even though it hurts, she doesn’t want to imagine a day without him.
But she has to. For him.
Her thumbs rub along his cheekbones, her eyes admiring his features one last time.
“And it’s because I love you—“ she pauses, swallowing thickly as her shaking lips press tentatively against his forehead, “that I have to let you go.”
[Welcome to voice mail from Telenor*. Please leave a message after the beep.]
SANA: Noora, please call me.
SANA: Hello, Eskild? Is Noora home? It’s Sana.
ESKILD: Oh my God, they’re just in that penthouse of William’s to fuck. She’ll be back when she’s newly fucked, my little generous girl.
LINN: I think they went to London.
ESKILD: Yeah you think they went to London, but you also thought Grunde was going to win Paradise*, so you have bad judgement, Linn. Be a bit humble.
SANA: I’m just a little worried she’s mad at me.
ESKILD: She didn’t look very mad when she went off in that Aston Martin car to 3 million kroner. 3 million is a lot of money.
SANA: I sent William an e-mail.
ESKILD: E-mail? It’s been a while since I’ve written one of those.
SANA: Yes, but I sent it from Noora’s account.
ESKILD: You sent an e-mail from Noora’s account to William? Okay, what did you write?
SANA: I just wrote “I love you and if you love me, come to Oslo”.
ESKILD: That’s what made him come? An e-mail.
ESKILD: You wrote an e-mail.. Why didn’t you think about that before? You write e-mails all the time, you brag about it. You’re a grown up, Linn. Is that what it took? She’s been stomping around in this self-pitying heartache for 8 months and then all it took was an e-mail? You shouldn’t feel bad about that, that was well done. I’m a bit proud of you. High five.
SANA: But.. I didn’t really do it for Noora’s sake. I did it because she was with a guy I like.
ESKILD: Which guy?
SANA: Just a guy called Yousef.
ESKILD: Yousef? Isn’t that the guy you were trying to pick up last night?
LINN: Once, I sent a used tampon to a girl who made out with my ex.
ESKILD: Have you had a significant other?
LINN: Yes, in the 7th grade.
ESKILD: That was the first and last one?
ESKILD: But now we’re talking about Sana, Linn. We can talk about you later. Right now we’re talking about Sana and cute Muslim boy.
SANA: He’s not a Muslim.
ESKILD: He’s not? Okay. Hm. Do you want some guru advicing?
SANA: What’s that?
ESKILD: I was with this guy, a year ago, a very good relationship - best I’ve ever had. That was with a Turkish son of an ambassador and his name was Lito - you remember that. He was really cool, went to Blinder’n*, cared about human rights, sensitive soul, shared a lot about himself and had the most shapely cock I’ve ever touched. He was also a Muslim and not that I’m religious or anything, because I’m not, but I’ve flipped through the Bible a couple of times and there it says that the most important thing is love, or “love on top” as Beyoncé says, so I think like “What would Jesus and Muhammad do?” and that’s “let the love flow”. So we tried that - “love on top”, meaning I topped and going right into the love and you know about that because you heard. We did that lots of times, and then we started talking about other things, important things, grown up things like life and humanity and stuff and we disagreed a lot. So the conclusion is that relationships between religious and non-religious people are difficult. I cried a lot. Aren’t there some other hotties in that gang? That Elias, isn’t he cute?
SANA: That’s my brother.
ESKILD: That’s.. Yes, that’s your brother. That won’t work. That would be weird. Which religion would you follow? Buddhism or something?
, maybe. Now I got a bit inspired to research and stuff online. What are you doing today?