i just love the fact that he's like an evil spider man

When I was nine, possibly ten, an author came to our school to talk about writing. His name was Hugh Scott, and I doubt he’s known outside of Scotland. And even then I haven’t seen him on many shelves in recent years in Scotland either. But he wrote wonderfully creepy children’s stories, where the supernatural was scary, but it was the mundane that was truly terrifying. At least to little ten year old me. It was Scooby Doo meets Paranormal Activity with a bonny braw Scottish-ness to it that I’d never experienced before.

I remember him as a gangling man with a wiry beard that made him look older than he probably was, and he carried a leather bag filled with paper. He had a pen too that was shaped like a carrot, and he used it to scribble down notes between answering our (frankly disinterested) questions. We had no idea who he was you see, no one had made an effort to introduce us to his books. We were simply told one morning, ‘class 1b, there is an author here to talk to you about writing’, and this you see was our introduction to creative writing. We’d surpassed finger painting and macaroni collages. It was time to attempt Words That Were Untrue.

You could tell from the look on Mrs M’s face she thought it was a waste of time. I remember her sitting off to one side marking papers while this tall man sat down on our ridiculously short chairs, and tried to talk to us about what it meant to tell a story. She wasn’t big on telling stories, Mrs M. She was also one of the teachers who used to take my books away from me because they were “too complicated” for me, despite the fact that I was reading them with both interest and ease. When dad found out he hit the roof. It’s the one and only time he ever showed up to the school when it wasn’t parents night or the school play. After that she just left me alone, but she made it clear to my parents that she resented the fact that a ten year old used words like ‘ubiquitous’ in their essays. Presumably because she had to look it up.

Anyway, Mr Scott, was doing his best to talk to us while Mrs M made scoffing noises from her corner every so often, and you could just tell he was deflating faster than a bouncy castle at a knife sharpening party, so when he asked if any of us had any further questions and no one put their hand up I felt awful. I knew this was not only insulting but also humiliating, even if we were only little children. So I did the only thing I could think of, put my hand up and said “Why do you write?”

I’d always read about characters blinking owlishly, but I’d never actually seen it before. But that’s what he did, peering down at me from behind his wire rim spectacles and dragging tired fingers through his curly beard. I don’t think he expected anyone to ask why he wrote stories. What he wrote about, and where he got his ideas from maybe, and certainly why he wrote about ghosts and other creepy things, but probably not why do you write. And I think he thought perhaps he could have got away with “because it’s fun, and learning is fun, right kids?!”, but part of me will always remember the way the world shifted ever so slightly as it does when something important is about to happen, and this tall streak of a man looked down at me, narrowed his eyes in an assessing manner and said, “Because people told me not to, and words are important.”

I nodded, very seriously in the way children do, and knew this to be a truth. In my limited experience at that point, I knew certain people (with a sidelong glance to Mrs M who was in turn looking at me as though she’d just known it’d be me that type of question) didn’t like fiction. At least certain types of fiction. I knew for instance that Mrs M liked to read Pride and Prejudice on her lunch break but only because it was sensible fiction, about people that could conceivably be real. The idea that one could not relate to a character simply because they had pointy ears or a jet pack had never occurred to me, and the fact that it’s now twenty years later and people are still arguing about the validity of genre fiction is beyond me, but right there in that little moment, I knew something important had just transpired, with my teacher glaring at me, and this man who told stories to live beginning to smile. After that the audience turned into a two person conversation, with gradually more and more of my classmates joining in because suddenly it was fun. Mrs M was pissed and this bedraggled looking man who might have been Santa after some serious dieting, was starting to enjoy himself. As it turned out we had all of his books in our tiny corner library, and in the words of my friend Andrew “hey there’s a giant spider fighting a ghost on this cover! neat!” and the presentation devolved into chaos as we all began reading different books at once and asking questions about each one. “Does she live?”— “What about the talking trees” —“is the ghost evil?” —“can I go to the bathroom, Miss?” —“Wow neat, more spiders!”

After that we were supposed to sit down, quietly (glare glare) and write a short story to show what we had learned from listening to Mr Scott. I wont pretend I wrote anything remotely good, I was ten and all I could come up with was a story about a magic carrot that made you see words in the dark, but Mr Scott seemed to like it. In fact he seemed to like all of them, probably because they were done with such vibrant enthusiasm in defiance of the people who didn’t want us to.

The following year, when I’d moved into Mrs H’s class—the kind of woman that didn’t take away books from children who loved to read and let them write nonsense in the back of their journals provided they got all their work done—a letter arrived to the school, carefully wedged between several copies of a book which was unheard of at the time, by a new author known as J.K. Rowling. Mrs H remarked that it was strange that an author would send copies of books that weren’t even his to a school, but I knew why he’d done it. I knew before Mrs H even read the letter.

Because words are important. Words are magical. They’re powerful. And that power ought to be shared. There’s no petty rivalry between story tellers, although there’s plenty who try to insinuate it. There’s plenty who try to say some words are more valuable than others, that somehow their meaning is more important because of when it was written and by whom. Those are the same people who laud Shakespeare from the heavens but refuse to acknowledge that the quote “Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them“ is a dick joke.

And although Mr Scott seems to have faded from public literary consumption, I still think about him. I think about his stories, I think about how he recommended another author and sent copies of her books because he knew our school was a puritan shithole that fought against the Wrong Type of Wordes and would never buy them into the library otherwise. But mostly I think about how he looked at a ten year old like an equal and told her words and important, and people will try to keep you from writing them—so write them anyway.

... Somehow, Still Talking About This Captain America Shit (Now With Bonus Spider-Man and Agents of SHIELD)

So now Secret Empire has revealed its Shyamalan Twist and given the readers a Good Guy Steve Rogers as well as Hydra Cap, and the kinds of dickbags who, when this whole bullshit began were dismissing people’s complaints with “oh come on, don’t you know how comics works, it’s all going to be put back at the end, blah blah blah…” are crowing I-Told-You-So’s.

But here’s the thing:

Yeah, fucknuts.  We always knew this.

Keep reading

Onibi Series: Recap

A while back, I answered a question for tumblr user @outerkat that gave an explanation of known information about the characters of the Onibi Series. That information is now outdated, so it’s time for an update!  (As usual, this post was made with the help of @shishikusas​. Bless her heart this fandom would get absolutely nowhere without her.)

This is what we know as of mid-2017.

The canon order of the songs is still:

1. The Spider and the Kitsune-Like Lion

2. The Fox’s Wedding

3. The Beautiful Shadow of the Demon’s Frenzied Dance Performance

4. Demon Child in the Clear Mirror (at the same time as #3, in a different location)

5. Beheading Dance

6. Death, Misfortune, and the Amanojaku

7. Will-O-The-Wisp

8. Star Lily Dance Performance Capital

Time for characters!

Mai Shishikusa

She has two designs. The green-haired one with the bow was how she was first drawn, and its only purpose was to make her recognizable as Gumi. Her canon appearance is the one with long brown hair. 

Mai is a member of the esteemed Shishikusa clan, and after being mistreated by some men when she was very young, she ate them and left one of their heads at the scene. She later devours her own mother, Ryou, during her (Mai’s) birthday party. Delectably morbid.

In The Fox’s Wedding, she is kidnapped by Akari’s brother (we call him Takahiro but he doesn’t have a canon name). She is forcibly fed human flesh (which probably made her cannibalistic tendencies permanent), and it’s likely that she may have been molested at this time, too.

In The Beautiful Shadow of the Demon’s Frenzied Dance Performance, Mai goes crazy and begins to devour more and more people.

She is seen as a doll in Death, Misfortune, and the Amanojaku. Also, Masa has confirmed that Mai and Akari are the characters seen in Beheading Dance.

Star Lily Dance Performance is a dream, a figment of Mai’s imagination. She dreams of a place where she and Akari can be happy together, to comfort herself before she dies.

Akari Oborodzuka 

Her name has been occasionally translated as Zhu Li. Like Mai, she also has two designs. She is the character with red or white pigtails, and her canon design gives her short white hair. I believe that she is, symbolically, the “Kitsune” mentioned throughout the series.

Akari is a member of the Oborodzuka Clan, and is the sole member that is not physically disabled somehow. She endured abuse from her family because of this, and eventually gained the power to make other people hurt themselves.

She imprisoned a violent and evil character named Tsukuyomi inside of an altar in the basement of her home, and I’m fairly certain that this altar is what was commonly being referred to with that recurring line, “Open it?” Tsukuyomi was actually the founder of the Oborodzuka clan, if I’m not mistaken, and is freed centuries later in another Masa series known as Maha’s Story.

In The Spider and the Kitsune-Like Lion, Ryou Shishikusa kidnaps her and tortures her until she dies. At the end of the song, Akari curses her family, saying that this “strange habit of eating people” must be continued for a hundred generations or something like that. This seals Ryou’s fate, and Ryou is later eaten by her daughter Mai as part of this curse.

In The Fox’s Wedding, Akari is alive again. She isn’t involved in Mai’s kidnapping, but I think the two of them might have been secretly married at this time.

Akari is also seen in The Beautiful Shadow of the Demon’s Frenzied Dance Performance and Death, Misfortune, and the Amanojaku, but I’m not certain what her purpose is in these two.

Whether or not she is actually there or only being dreamt of in Star Lily Dance Performance is debatable, but the former is the more comforting option. ;w;

Shikyou the Amanojaku

Shikyou is the Antagonist of the Onibi Series. Her name was only learned recently. This is the Amanojaku mentioned in (you guessed it) Death, Misfortune, and the Amanojaku.

Shikyou is somehow controlling Mai’s fate. Masa said that Mai and Akari were “doomed never to meet.” It’s incredibly likely that Shikyou was behind this, which would explain why she screams and appears to be very distraught in The Beautiful Shadow of the Demon’s Frenzied Dance Performance. If those two hadn’t met, many lives would have been spared from Mai’s cannibalistic tendencies.

Because it was likely a character named Emi that helped Akari and Mai meet each other in person, Shikyou and Emi are enemies.

What confuses me is that even though she seems to be trying to protect the people of Castle Town and must therefore care about humanity, something on Masa’s blog also says that at some point in history, she went on some kinda killing spree? Shikyou’s motives are questionable, to say the least.


For a while we thought that she was the purple-robed Gumi, but that turned out to be Ryou. The lovely @shishikusas talked to Masa, though, and helped clear it up! Emi is the Miku seen in Onibi, but she was given an original appearance in the video for the remix of The Fox’s Wedding!

Emi is, symbolically, the “Doll” mentioned throughout the series. Her ancestors were evil gods, and thus, everyone came to hate her. She bears a grudge against these people, but tries to ignore their feelings at the same time.

She appears ONLY in the song Onibi, and is not to be confused with the other blue Miku character, Kaori.   

All we know other than that is that Masa described her as one of the story’s “Main Heroes.” I think that she’s behind Mai and Akari being able to meet.

Ryou Shishikusa

HOO BOY where do we start with this crazy bitch. Here’s what my dear fact checker had to say about her:

Ryo Shishikusa is Mai’s mother, born into the Onidzuka clan but marrying into the Shishikusa clan through daimyo Tomonari Shishikusa. She has one sister, unnamed, who had a daughter after multiple miscarriages (this daughter is Kaori, the one referred to as the “demon child”). She has a tattoo of a spider on her waist and uses a special knife called “Devil’s Blade” to kill people.

She and Tomonari run a theater in Castle Town (Namitsuki). A lot of Castle Town’s entertainment comes from here. One thing that happens below the theatre is gambling, which Ryo and her husband do with human beings. Evidently, the clans of Castle Town take part in illegal human trafficking of young girls, keeping them under the theater and treating them like animals. 

One day, Tomonari comes to Ryo and says that the other daimyos are becoming bored with the performances and that, for the next performance, someone will be killed for the audience. Ryo hates the idea, but it is business.

Their prisoner, Akari, is thoroughly disgusted and calls Ryou a monster. She says that Ryou is “unable to come back, like us.” Grace and I think that this means Akari has the ability to return from the dead, because that would certainly explain why she is alive later in the series.

Anyway, Ryou tortures and kills Akari before a live audience. After Akari is dead, the blog says (roughly) this:

“I looked aside and saw the surprised faces of the Daimyos. They opened their mouths when they saw me.


It’s hot. 

My face and my hand… are very very hot. 

I was surprised by what I saw on my hand. It was bright red. The small knife in my hand and even my sleeve were red, also, and from the cuff dripped… blood? 

That’s it. I remembered. I tried to kill this girl. 

I looked up at the girl again. Her head was completely downwards and I could see the intestines as I looked at her belly. 

This …was me? I trembled. My heart began to beat almost fast enough to break it.. Unconsciously, I spread my hands and turned to the Daimyo. 

‘Ha ha ha ha ha ha!’ I was laughing.“ 

So yeah Ryou makes a lot of stuff go wrong. Her actions, and probably Emi’s, are what eventually lead to the chaos caused by the meeting between Mai and Akari.

Kaori Onidzuka

This little cutie, formerly referred to as “Etsuko” by the fandom, is Mai’s cousin.

All we know about her is that she may or may not be into killing and torturing animals and that she is the one typically referred to as “Demon Child.” 

Really tho there is like NOTHING on the onibi blog about Kaori so there’s not much to talk about.

Tomonari Shishikusa

This man is a daimyo, husband of Ryou and father of Mai. He must really care for his family, because it was his idea to start killing people for entertainment as a way to bring in more money and he threw Mai a rather luxurious birthday party when the day came. 

So Akari’s curse might not be the only thing that pushed Mai to cannibalism. Evidently, those that turn cannibal sometimes devour parents that pampered them too much. 

The blog says that he and Ryou were having a very important talk with Mai shortly before she devoured them both. Tomonari was eaten first, with Ryou bearing witness just before Mai ate her as well.

Daiji Masaoma

This guy is Mai’s bodyguard. At some point he is found with a large portion of his shoulder eaten away, so it’s likely that he was killed by Mai. we crack ship him with takahiro

Takahiro Oborodzuka

Takahiro is the fanmade name given to this character. Here’s what we know about him:

  • He kidnapped Mai from her own hometown, so he’s probably a badass.
  • He has snake eyes.
  • After he kidnapped Mai, he forced her to consume human flesh from the back of a truck.
  • He probably did other unspeakable things to her, but there’s no telling

Here are the headcanons:

  • He does have a physical disability, like his family, but it’s deafness instead of bent/backward limbs or an inability to walk.
  • Therefore, he communicates through others with sign language.
  • He is Akari’s brother, and has red hair like hers.
  • He’s sadistic and cruel, but not as much as Ryou.

But yeah for a minor character, he does play kind of an important role in the story. We’ll probably be hearing more about him later on.


She is Mai’s adopted sister, from the Oborodzuka clan. Apparently she found the dead bodies of her parents after Mai had eaten her fill of them.


Remember, this is the updated info! My old post that says Emi is purple Gumi is WRONG. Hope this helped clear things up!

anonymous asked:

It's been so long since I read the books or watched the movies, could you tell me why snape was a bully, etc? Or give me a link to read up on it? I honestly can't remember anything other than the fact that the patronus thing that helped harry in the woods was snape's

Hi, i’m not sure about links I can actually give you to read up on it because most of the “antisnape” thing stems from people who read the books and have reached that conclusion. I can kinda give you a run down though, but I think the best thing would be re-read the books especially when you’re older and more mature :)

  1. Snape grew up in an abusive household, which many people think gives him the right to be a dick to people because he was broken, but at the same time do not see that Harry and other characters have come from abusive households and did not feel the need to be so hateful
  2. Snape used to creep and watch Lily from the bushes as a child, and when he got caught, he tried to turn her against her muggle family and her sister.
  3. Snape leered after Lily for years, and hated James Potter for having a crush on her as well. I will agree that the marauders were special dicks to Snape and only Snape, which was wrong, but it was also school time and Snape wasn’t exactly the nicest guy either? James and Sirius were compared even by the teachers to Fred and George, and it seems their rivalry with Snape was similar to Harry’s rivalry with Draco. Anyways, the point was that he would tell her off for being friends with Potter and Black, with no regard to her wishes
  4. Snape actively tried to expose Remus as a werewolf and actually ended up doing that because he was resentful. In fact, his prejudice against him was so strong that he made a class of third years look it up just to out him?
  5. He hung around with the Youth Death Eaters Club or whatever and actually sympathized with them
  6. Lily was the only friend he had that wasn’t Slytherin Death Eater and he called her a “mudblood” in a very nasty way as well after he got bullied by the Marauders (who incidentally actually grew up and changed). People don’t just blurt out racial slurs against their friends unless they believed them to begin with
  7. He then grew up and actually actively became a Death Eater whereas the Marauders and Lily (with the exception of Peter of course) joined the Order of the Phoenix. The Death Eaters murdered and terrorized for years and Snape was a part of that.
  8. Snape was the one who heard the prophecy about a child bringing down the Dark Lord and was so loyal to Voldemort that he immediately went and informed him. He was happy to have a family and a baby die until he realized that family was Lily Evans’ family. He was also happy to let James and Harry die as long as Lily was safe, which is pretty disgusting.
  9. He may have then been recruited by Dumbledore, and yes, he may have had a part to play in appearing like a “large overgrown bat” but it doesn’t mistake the deep look of loathing he gave Harry, a 11-year old boy, the first time they made eye contact.
  10. Not only that, but Snape went out of his way to make sure Harry struggled in Potions, goading and taunting him from their very first lesson, and making life difficult for him. Harry was actually quite good at potions, he got an E in it without Snape breathing down his neck as he puts it. If a teacher cannot even develop their subject in all students, what are they good for? 
  11. Let’s also not forget that he was so loathed as being a massive bully that Neville’s greatest fear was Professor Snape, a category that was actually comprised creatures such as giant spiders, banshees and dementors by his classmates. Imagine being such a scary bully of a teacher (force-feeding poison to Trevor) that a 13-year old child’s greatest fear is you.
  12. I also understand that to keep up appearances, it was important for him favor Slytherins, but he didn’t have to be so cruel to Harry and his friends.
  13. He purposefully goaded Sirius Black in OOTP as being useless to the Order, even though he of all people should have known (being so close to Dumbledore) that Sirius had no choice. Old rivalries or not, that’s an remarkably cruel thing to do. 
  14. Speaking of OOTP, the Occlumency classes were particularly torturous for Harry, where Snape attacked him and fished out horrible experiences from Harry’s childhood for fun. He seemed to take pleasure in hurting Harry and didn’t teach him anything at all, and made sure to embarrass Harry whenever he could about “Remedial Potions”. Not only that, but he didn’t even stop to listen to Harry after he saw the memories in the Pensieve but just cancelled the classes without telling Dumbledore. Snape was so sure Harry was just like James that he was okay with Voldemort possessing Harry rather than accept any alternative.

Basically Snape was a man who hated a child for having survived an attack he made sure happened, who hated a child for having the same eyes as the woman he loved and the same face as the man he hated, and he was so bitter that Lily never loved him back that he bullied most children. Snape never admitted Voldemort was wrong, just that he loved Lily, and that’s the only reason he ever joined forces with Dumbledore. Being evil came naturally to Snape, if it weren’t for Lily dying, he would have happily ended up alongside Voldemort. I refuse to believe that a man with such horrible moral principles is a hero. To everyone who says Snape was faking it, he really, truly, was not. he was a Death Eater long before. And to everyone who says James and Sirius are the same, they really aren’t. They were the kind of boys like Fred and George, who played questionable practical jokes and pranks, and then outgrew them to fight the war. Besides, they supported Remus as a werewolf for years, and would have died for each other. Snape doesn’t even come close to them. 

Who Cares You’re A Serpent?

Word Count:2780

A/N: This one was requested multiple times, a serpent!Jughead x reader with a touch of upset betty,  and i hope i did you guys justice, and this is what you wanted! enjoy! much love!

Originally posted by dailycwriverdale


Vvvrrrmmm Vvvrrrmmm Vvvrrrmmm

    Y/N slowly opened her eyes, the vibrating noise from the table waking her up. She looked around and found herself on her couch, the TV blasting Family Guy throughout the small apartment. She must have fallen asleep after the jubilee, it was a tiring night and she didn’t exactly have all that great of a time. Too much seeing Jughead, the boy she had been helplessly in love with for months, being all couple-y and cute with Betty.

Vvvrrrmmm Vvvrrrmmm Vvvrrrmmm

    She looked over to the coffee table in front of her and her phones screen was lit up, showing that she had an oncoming call from Betty. She picked up the phone and swiped to answer it. “Hey B, what’s up?”

    “Where have you been? I’ve been trying to get ahold of you for about a half hour now!” she yelled, and Y/N started to feel worry set it, Betty sounded panicked.

    “I fell asleep on my couch, I’m sorry.” Y/N stuttered.

    “I thought you got shot too!” Betty yelled, and panic shot through Y/N. She stood from her couch and started running for her shoes.

    “Who got shot? What the hell is going on?” she yelled, anxiety coursing through her voice and body.

    “A lots going on, Fred got shot in Pops just about a half hour ago, he was in critical condition when the ambulance picked him up, and Archie is a mess. Not only that, but Cheryls house caught on fire, and Jughead joined the Southside Serpents.” Bettys voice rang through Y/Ns ears.

   “Oh my god. What the hell is happening to this fucking town!” Y/N yelled, running out of her house, her dress flying around in the windy night. She started to walk towards Jugheads trailer, thankfully it wasn’t too far from her shitty apartment.

    “Can you talk to Jughead, tell him that this whole Serpent thing isn’t a good idea, he won’t listen to me for whatever reason, but maybe he’ll listen to you.” Betty pleaded, and Y/N rolled her eyes although no one was there to see it.

    “You’re his girlfriend and he didn’t listen to you, what makes you think he’ll listen to me?” Y/N argued, and Betty sighed on the other end of the phone.

    “You’re his best friend. He always listens to you, doesn’t matter what it’s about, you’re the only person whose advice he takes to heart. I wish he’d listen to me, but I guess I’m just not as important.” Betty said sadly, and Y/N felt her heart drop a little. Betty was her best girl-friend, she hated that she felt that way.

    “Betty, you’re far more important to him than me, that’s why he chose you. But, I’ll give it a shot. Why does it matter that he became a serpent anyways, it’s expected. His dad was one, so it’s not that big of a surprise he is.” Y/N said, turning a corner and looking both ways before she crossed the street.

    “Because Jughead is better than that, anyways, there is no way I could be with a serpent, no matter who it was. Look, I love Jughead, but if he stays, I’m gone. I can’t deal with that.”Betty said, and Y/N could tell it hurt her to say.

    “I don’t know Betty, maybe you’re over-reacting. It’s probably just a phase, or something he’s doing to get deeper into the case. I don’t think we’ve uncovered all the facts about Jasons murder, why else would all this shit still being going down?” Y/N said, trying to talk Betty out of breaking up with Jughead. It would crush him, and ultimately it would crush Y/N to see him so upset. Although, it would give her a chance to swoop in and help him, but did she really want to be that girl? The one who breaks up couples to get the guy she wants? No she couldn’t do it, she cared for the two of them too much.

    “I don’t think we have all the facts either, but it doesn’t matter. Jughead and I cannot be together if he’s a serpent, that’s final.” Betty said, and Y/N sighed.

    “I’ll do my best to talk to him then. I don’t want to see you guys hurt.” Y/N said, a tinge of pain ringing through her. She walked into the trailer park and spotted Jugheads place. “I’m going to let you go though, I’m here.” She said, and she heard Betty sniffle on the other side.

    “Okay, good luck.” Betty said, hanging up the phone.

    “Yeah,” Y/N mumbled to herself, walking up the steps and knocking on the door. She backed up slightly so she didn’t get hit with the door, but she was surprised when she heard a dog bark from inside. The door swung open and a dog ran out, jumping up on her and barking.

   “Hotdog, get off her!” a voice she didn’t recognize called, and she looked up to see a long-haired man staring down at her.

    “It’s okay, he’s not hurting me. He’s very cute, is he yours?” Y/N asked, trying to be as polite as she could to the stranger.

    “Actually, I think he’s Jugheads now.” The man said, and Y/N nodded, leaning down to pet the dog. “Speaking of Jughead, I’m assuming you’re here to see him?”

    “Yeah, I am, is he inside?” Y/N asked, and the man nodded. She looked at the man and noticed the jacket he was wearing. ‘serpent.’ She thought to herself. “I’m Y/N by the way, I like your jacket.” She commented, and the man smiled.

   “Oh yeah, you’re not scared?” he teasingly asked, and Y/N laughed.

    “Y/N wouldn’t be scared of serpents, she actually admires you guys. Always has, that’s why she got along with my dad so well.” Jugheads voice rang behind the man, and Y/N smiled.

   “Is that so?” the man asked, looking down at the (Y/H/C) girl. She stood taller and smirked, trying to look as confident as possible.

    “I’m not scared of anything.” Y/N said, sliding by the man and into the trailer and making her way to Jughead.

    “Well except for clowns and spiders.” Jughead said, and she nodded, causing laughter from a few men who were also in the trailer.

    “So if we got attacked by a spider dressed as a clown-“ one man started.

    “Or a clown dressed as a spider-“ another added.

    “You’d be terrified?” the long-haired man finished their sentence. Y/N and Jughead laughed.

   “I’d be dead, I would have an actual heart-attack.” She teased, and the men laughed again. “Don’t tell anyone I said that though, I don’t need people knowing my weaknesses.”

    “Your secret is safe with us.” The long-haired man said, and Y/N plopped herself down on a couch, nodding her head in approval.

    “Good.” She said, looking around the room.

    “What brings you here, tonight?” Jughead asked, sitting beside her. Hotdog walked over, laying in front of Jugheads feet, and he leaned over to pet him.

    “Betty is worried and our town is still as hellish as ever. The police really suck ass at their jobs, I’m just about to go in and take over.” Y/N sighed, and the men laughed again. “What, you don’t think I can fix Riverdale?” she asked, and the long-haired man held his hands up.

    “I didn’t say that.” He replied defensively, and she smiled.

    “Good, because I totally could. We just need people to rally up the citizens of Riverdale, something that could motivate them to do more for this town, make it better than it was before all of this Jason bullshit went down. I just need to cause enough trouble to get the police off their ass, or enough trouble to fix the problems of the town. I haven’t decided which yet, but I know I could do it.” Y/N said, smiling to all the men in the room. Jughead laughed, and she looked at him. “Of course, I would have to do it with my partner in crime, Mr. Jones here.” Jughead smiled and the men chuckled.

   “Do you two get into a lot of trouble together?” one of the men asked, and Jughead nodded.

    “Enough to cause Betty to worry about me.” He said, and the men all raised their eyebrows at the two teenagers.

    “I see.” The long-haired man said, and Y/N rolled her eyes.

    “Not that kind of trouble, oh my god. I swear you guys are 16-year-old-boys.” She teased, and the men in the room laughed again.

    “I’m going to take that as a compliment.” The long-haired man said, and Jughead teasingly elbowed her.

    “And I’m going to take offense, seeing that I am a 16-year-old-boy.” He said, and Y/N gave him an evil smile.

    “Good, take offense.” She said, and he rolled his eyes and slumped back into the couch. “Anyways, Betty was always mad because we found ourselves in compromising and dangerous situations when it came to the whole Jason Blossom murder case. We went all in, emerging ourselves in whatever danger Jason might have put himself in that way we could get to the bottom of the case.” The men all nodded.

    “Of course she was suspicious that we were sleeping together, or that I was cheating on her with all the time we spent together, it took awhile for her to accept the fact that we are just best friends.” Jughead said.

    “Which doesn’t make any sense to me because she knew we were before you guys even got together. We became friends immediately after I moved here last year.” Y/N added, and Jughead nodded. “She actually sent me over here to talk you out of being a serpent, but I could care less. I was just planning on telling her you wouldn’t listen to me and to just let you live your life, but then she started talking about breaking up with you because of it and then I didn’t know what I was going to do.” Y/N admitted, and the men in the room all fell very silent.

    “She was going to break up with me because of it?” Jughead asked, hints of anger present in his voice. Y/N nodded, and he huffed out in frustration. “Why can’t she be accepting like you? And I thought dating Betty was going to be less complicated than dating you, but obviously I made the wrong decision.” Jughead said, and Y/N froze in her seat.

    “Oh shit.” The long-haired man said, and the men all nodded in agreement. This was definitely an ‘oh shit’ moment.

     “What?” Y/N asked, looking at the raven-haired boy who hadn’t caught his slip up. Jughead looked around the room and noticed all the eager faces looking at him, and it was then he caught his mistake after thinking over what just came out of his mouth.

    “Yeah, dating Betty has been super complicated lately, she and I are complete opposites, not that you and I are any better, but at least we have a lot more in common than her and I.” he said, trying to explain it in a way that wouldn’t give away his feelings, but it only made it worse.

    “So what you’re saying is that you’d rather date Y/N here…?” the long-haired man said, and Jughead stuttered, wracking his brain for the right words to say. Maybe he should just come out and say what was really on his mind, but he was worried.

    “You know what, Y/N. Just let her break up with me, the fact that she can’t over look this one decision I made in my life and love me enough to accept me shows that maybe we just aren’t meant to be together.” Jughead said, standing up and walking towards the front door. He picked up his jacket off the side of a chair on the way and put it on, the snake on the back fully visible to everyone behind him.

    ‘damn, he looks good in that jacket, I have to admit it.’ She thought to herself, but then the door slammed and it broke her out of her thoughts. She looked around at the group of men around her, and they all stared at her.

    “Well, go after him then. Get that boy and never let him go.” The long-haired man said, and she chuckled.

    “Why do I get the feeling you guys are fans of chick-flicks?” she teased, and they all laughed as well.

    “What, just because we’re in a gang doesn’t mean we don’t have feelings. This is young love, its cute.” One of the men said, and Y/N rolled her eyes and smiled. It was nice to see such strong and scary guys have actual loving feelings you wouldn’t expect them to have.

    “Well, you’re wasting time. Go on.” The long-haired one said, and Y/N nodded, making her way out of the trailer. She wandered around and found Jughead by the entrance sign, and she slowly approached him.

    “You alright?” she asked, and Jughead turned around, giving her a tight smile.

    “Not really, but whatever.” He said, and Y/N sighed. “I thought she would accept me, she told me tonight she loved me, and i-I told her the same thing. I’m starting to realize now that maybe neither of us meant it, we were just caught in the moment.” Jughead ran his hand through his hair, and it was then she noticed he was beanie free. She smiled apologetically at him and walked the rest of the way to him, embracing him. Jughead held onto her tight, and she enjoyed the moment, closing her eyes, trying to remember every detail of that second so she could cherish it forever. Little did she know, Jughead was doing the same thing. She pulled away from him, and looked up at the blue-eyed boy, and she shivered slightly at the loss of his body heat. It was cold out and she was in a dress, she was freezing.

    “You must be so cold.” Jughead said worriedly, taking off his jacket and handing it to the girl.

    “I’m fine-“ she tried to refuse, but he rolled his eyes.

    “Take it.” He said, and she took it from him, slipping the leather jacket on herself. It was big on her because Jughead was much taller than she was, and he laughed at the sight of her in it.

    “What?” she said, trying to hide her blush.

    “You would just look cute as a serpent.” He said, and she couldn’t hide her blush now.

    “Whatever.” She said, pulling the jacket tighter around herself. The cold was bitter, the winter was settling in hard.

    “I’m sorry for calling you cute, damn.” Jughead said, pretending to be offended, and she rolled her eyes and laughed.

    “Don’t be so sensitive, I-“ she cut herself off, she didn’t know if she should do what she was about to, although she really wanted to.

    “You what?” he said quietly, and she thought to herself that he probably already knew what she was thinking. She stayed silent though, thinking about what she was going to do. “I like you, you know. I have for a long time.” Jughead said, and Y/N stared up at him.

    “But Betty-“

    “Betty is nice, I like her, but not as much as I like you. I just figured that if I went for you, our friendship would be ruined and it would just complicate everything. I see now that I was wrong. I think we are meant to be together, and I really mean that.” Y/N smiled softly, and so did Jughead. They stood there for awhile, just looking at eachother and not really saying anything, and Y/N figured that must have been kind of weird.

    “We should probably go inside.” She said awkwardly, breaking their silence. Jughead looked towards the trailer and nodded.

    “Probably.” He said. “But first-“ Jughead grabbed onto Y/Ns wrist and crashed his lips with hers, and she smiled and melted into it.

    “Okay, that was unexpected.” Y/N said, and Jughead laughed. “It wasn’t bad!” she quickly exclaimed, trying to fix her mistake in words. “I just- I- I liked it. I like you.” She said, and jughead nodded, taking her hand and they walked to the trailer in silence. He opened the door and the two of them entered, and all the men looked at Y/N and cheered. She looked down and realized she still had his jacket on and she blushed, looking down and burying her head into his chest. Betty and Jughead were both going to be hurt, but she could help them both, and she knew in the end she could help them heal.

Tag List:

@do-not-call-me-sunshine@gelattoes@xbobaaa@katshrev@farmfreshcoldsprouts@sgarrett49@always-chocolate@nadya0128@spooky-brendons-butt@rainbows-and-glitter-bitch@lost-in-wonderland-x@aezthetically@mrs-jughead-jones @nafa1604 @moonlight53

Shadowhunters is Finally Getting Good: A Writer’s Perspective

This is going to get long, so basically this is where I’m going:

1. Shadowhunters is still finding itself, similar to how Buffy the Vampire Slayer kinda sucked until it grabbed onto its “Monsters as Life Metaphors” structure halfway through Season 2.

2. Because The Mortal Instruments series is such a catastrophic narrative failure, Shadowhunters doesn’t have compelling plot points to string their own original story between, the way True Blood was able to do with their own sub-par source material.

3. The strong character writing is just starting to free the show from the restrictions of its source material.

Where We Are Now

-The company that owns the rights to The Mortal Instruments is using Shadowhunters to return on a damaged investment. They bought the rights to a popular book series, and made a movie that bombed so hard that when the numbers came in, they stopped production on the sequel within weeks. They lost a shit ton of money on what should have been a good investment, and were unwilling to throw too much good money after bad, which is why there wasn’t much investment in the first season. The first season’s low budget affects more than the special effects. It plays into who they can hire, how long they have to rehearse, how long they have to shoot, every element of production.

-The source material is shit, and it’s an albatross around the show’s neck. The movie sucked so hard because it was a pretty faithful adaption of the books, which are torturously long, and full of one note characters who only exist to spout faux-clever dialogue, or facilitate CC’s incest fantasies. They are driven by entirely by plot, not character, which makes for flat fiction.

-The first season had to be, to an extent, experimental. They had to figure out the right mix between what they had to keep to engage book fans, and what they had to add to make it possible for it to be a TV show, because the book doesn’t have enough material to be a couple seasons of TV.

-The first season worked to clear the very low bar of of being less racist, tokenist, slut-shaming, girl-hating, bi-phobic, and all around disgusting than the books.
They succeeded.

-Successfully moving past the tragedy of the movie into an expanded episode order and expanded budget mean that season two is essentially a brand new show.

- That season is trying to fight its way free of what it had to be in the first season, and the failure of the movie, and the ball and chain of the books.

The Problems

1. The Show Has Turned Every Pointless, Cardboard Dialogue Spouter from the Books into a Compelling, Nuanced Character, and Now There Are Too Many

The book characters have interesting things on their character sheets, but never become interesting. The show has recomposited characters out of the character elements used in the books, and created complex, compelling, nuanced characters, who have ties and relationships to eachother, who are impacted by the world around them, and who make decisions and affect the world around them and eachother, instead of just waiting around for Clary to discover her special rune magic, or for Magnus to portal them somewhere.

Unfortunately, a bunch of cardboard cutouts creating obstacles to, and eventually enabling brother-sister fucking don’t suck up too much plot time, but 11 suddenly worth-while characters (Clary, Simon, Alec, Isabelle, Jace, Maryse, Jocelyn, Luke, Raphael, Maia, Magnus) plus a few new additions we are invested in to some degree (Lydia, Aldertree, Iris), and a few random additions that don’t seem to do much but create more dialogue and scoot plots along (Valentine, Meliorn, Raj, Max, Dot, Gretel, Suspiciously Important Girl With Glasses) all end up battling for screen time, to the detriment of each other.

For every charming interaction between Maia and Simon, we don’t get to see Luke dealing with Jocelyn’s death. When we get a glimpse into the tenderness of Magnus and Raphael’s relationship, there’s less time to see Magnus and Alec learn where they cross and divide. When we see that Alec and Maryse still love each other, even if the have so much shit left to work through , that takes potential minutes away from someone trying to talk to Jace about being abducted and tortured. There is so much potential, and it’s not possible to turn all of it into plot when there are only 45 minutes a week to work with.

1A. Except Valentine, Who is A Spectacularly Shitty Villain

Valentine is one long HHHHHHHZZZZZZMMMMMMMHHHHHhhzzzzmmmmhhhh on an evil kazoo.

A good villain is the hero of their own story, but they have to be more than that. A good villain has to taunt you with the possibility that they could be the hero of your story. They have to want something in a way that you can understand the wanting, even if what they want isn’t something you would want.

Kylo Ren is a good villain. He wants to be a super powerful Jedi and big deal leader in the Empire and the movie shows you that he wants that because he’s actually a pathetic little snot streak, drowning in his inability to live up to the standards of toxic masculinity around him, while wearing a silly helmet. The desire makes sense.

Spider-Man Villains are good villains. They are typically super smart scientists trying to solve a problem, but their science gives them some sort of mutation that casts them out of the society they were trying to improve.

Magneto is a great villain. A holocaust survivor who believes he sees the writing on the wall and won’t let history repeat itself.  

(Quick fact about Oncethrown: I went to go see the Johnny Depp version of Sweeny Todd in theaters in college and didn’t realize he was the villain until the very last scene. (The last last scene. Even after he throws Mrs. Lovett in the oven) Because he was unfairly jailed by a man who wanted him gone so that he could rape Sweeny todd’s wife to be raped into insanity and leave her out on the street to rot, and I was totally onboard with the quest for vengeance up until the moment the blood started pouring out if his neck.)

Valentine is just generically evil. He was born into the most powerful class in his world, was annoyed that his society wouldn’t let him become even more powerful, and now is experimenting on a class he already could kill with little to no repercussions, and working to eradicate them… because he can?

He doesn’t love or care about anyone either. There’s nothing to hold onto about Valentine. He’s just an opposing force. He could be a block of wood with angry eyebrows and the effect on the plot would be about the same.

1B. Except Aldertree, Who We Were Promised Would Be And Interesting Villain is Just A Random Force For Bad.

Aldertree came in to bring the erratic New York Institute back under Clave control. And he started out doing that. He threw the downworlders out of the Institute, he left Jace to rot in jail because he wouldn’t swear total fealty to the Clave, he nearly let Alec die because he threatened very important Shadowhunter traditions by refusing to marry a suitable woman in order to date a man, and a downworlder.

The yin-fen plot line originally was in this same functional but boring vein, until the last episode (spoilers) where he was clearly trying to get Izzy to trade sex for drugs (end spoilers). Generic Rapist Evil not interesting either. All he ended up doing was giving Alec a “Reclaiming the Institute Plotline” which would have been a really, really good piece in that whole “Effects of Institutionalizing Discrimination” theme… if any time had been devoted to it at all this season. Like… Alec originally ceded his authority to Lydia. The way he came for Aldertree just wasn’t given the building blocks to be satisfying.

2. The Books Didn’t Have Layers, and the Show is Trying to Graft an Interesting Theme Onto the Book’s Pocked and Diseased Foundation

The books are just an excuse for incest. The show is attempting to develop a narrative about institutionalized discrimination and oppression, and how characters are influenced by the way that affects their societies, upbringings, relationships and lives.

There is a really underdeveloped attempt at this in the books which more or less boils down to “Shadowhunters are mean to downworlders, and it’s not totally fair, but they are still the heroes, because they are all described as sexually attractive.”

The show is running into a lot of complications as they try to smoosh this theme onto the source material they have to work with.

-The main plot of “Evil McEvil is a Racist Who Wants To Start A Genocide Because Of Evil and Overt Racism”is sucking up all the air in the room for more compelling and important elements of the show,  such as every idea presented in Maia and Simon’s conversation about how Shadowhunters pretend that everyone is on the same team, but don’t understand what the daily existence of downworlders is really like in a world that Shadowhunters essentially rule.

Or Alec’s struggle to be both a Shadowhunter and a gay man falling in love with a downworlder.

Or Isabelle and Lydia’s season one speaking out about Law vs. Justice in the Shadowhunter world.

Or Clary’s 10 minute plot about not being trained well enough to be a real shadowhunter, but knowing too much to ever be a mundane again

The adherence to the main plot of book one and two is one of the things turning Clary into a mess of a white savior who doesn’t learn from her mistakes. She’s the entry point character, she’s bringing us into this world, and she’s the hero of the story. So… she’s white and straight with magic powers, trying to solve racism and homophobia in a story where the whole society she enters into is built around it, and has been for centuries.

3. The Clusterfuck of Potential We Are Working Out Of Now

So 2.08 and 2.09 I think prove that we are watching a show that is just about to get there. Both of these episodes had insular plots solved within the confines of the episode while also having consequences in the season stretching story.

Good characters are interacting with each other in interesting ways. (Except Lydia. Where is Lydia? I love her and I want her back) There are some growing pain failures (everything Izzy has said and done all season), some serious fuck ups (the lack of consent before the lack of malec sex scene) and a lot of unfortunate leaning on shitty and easy tropes (Izzy and Raphael fall into a drug fueled affair, Alec pushes Magnus into sex in a 3 minute side plot, Valentine exists and we have to watch him) But they are setting up more and more really solid pieces with places to go and I’m excited to see it happen.

4. The Things They Need to Fix (this is mostly rambling)

-Give fewer characters better plots per episode instead of trying to give everyone a couple minutes of screen time.

-Give characters goal and personality and development driven season arcs that create plots instead of having them constantly reacting to plot elements that are not character driven (purely from a writing standpoint, this is the biggest flaw with Isabelle’s plot line. The addiction drives her plot, not her personality, and Aldertree doesn’t have a character based reason to give her the drug to being with. “Just because I’m an asshole” isn’t really good enough. That’s why Alec is the best part of season 1. Everything he says and does is driven by a couple easily defined elements of his character.)

-If you are going to sell the diversity aspect of your show, be aware of the full context of the plot lines you are assigning your actors. It’s not great that there are 4 latinx actors, and the two of them with accents are in a drug dealing/addiction/sex for drugs plot line. It’s great that your only canon couple is a gay interracial couple. It’s great that they got a really sweet build up, and they have great communication scenes and they are really building a strong relationship. It’s not great that they do not touch while a lot of totally gratuitous sex is happening around them.

-Figure out who you really need, and jettison the dead weight.
-Why is Raj still on this show? All he does is say nasty shit about women. He’s disgusting, he’s boring, and he’s pointless. Literally every single time he’s on screen he could be replaced by someone we care about and it would tighten the episode.
-We ditched Robert because as far as the impact on the main characters goes, he’s a redundancy on Maryse’s storyline, and she has all the good elements.
-Aldertree is pointless. Maryse could have had Aldertree’s “WE ARE REALLY FUCKING GOING WITH WHAT THE CLAVE SAYS” storyline and it would have been a lot more interesting with the rest of the plot.Lydia could have had that plot too. “You fucked up at the wedding, reign in this nonsense or we are shipping you our to wrangle island”

pet-of-subs  asked:

They're making another movie about sharks being evil terrifying man eating killers and I'm SO pissed. It's called 47 meters down


aight so this is the trailer for the movie…tbh i always thought these movies were dumb and cheesy? .-.

But um…being stuck in a metal cage 47 meters (155 ft) under the surface of the ocean? That’s like…really really deep!? THAT’S TERRIFYINGLY DEEP!? THAT’S ACTUALLY TERRIFYING FOR ME, PERSONALLY.

The deepest pools go is like 11 or 12 ft? and the pressure from just diving to the bottom of the deep end of the pool is Not Fun for me… Personal issues aside, “most recreational scuba divers only dive as deep as 130 feet (40 meters), according to the Professional Association of Diving Instructors so I have a hard time believing that 2 girls who have never gone scuba diving IN THEIR LIVES are gonna be A-Okay enough to worry about the sharks at that point .____.

But I’m pretty sure this movie makes @pet-of-subs​ mad because it’s just another movie fear-mongering about sharks! I understand that sharks are a very real fear for some people, just like spiders and snakes and heights are very real fears for other people, but for those of you who aren’t already afraid of sharks, don’t let movies like this one trick you into thinking that sharks are the “Most Terrifying, Bloodthirsty Animals” on the planet!

“Attacks on people are incredibly rare. In waters off California, the chances of a surfer being bitten by a great white shark are one in 17 million; for swimmers, it’s even rarer—one attack in every 738 million beach visits, according to a recent Stanford University study”

So you’re more likely to die in a car crash, or even be struck by lightning (1 in 700,000/yr or 1 in 3,000/lifetime), than be attacked by a great white! Now, that doesn’t mean I’m saying that great whites are really just giant cuddly fish who want to be your friend, because that’s not true either. They’re definitely awe-inspiring creature who deserve some space and respect (for everyone’s safety, shark included). I just want y’all to know that they’re not the threat you may think they are! They don’t have “ a taste for human flesh’, y’all! They love to eat and hunt yummy, delicious, blubbery SEALS (among other fish and carrion. Great white diet varies depending on age, size, and location! :p)!

Also, I’d just like to gently remind y’all that the man who wrote Jaws, Peter Benchley, so regretted the fact that his book incited fear and panic among people that he became one of the greatest proponents of shark conservation. He spent the rest of his life dedicated to educating people about sharks, trying to separate fiction from fact. There’s even an ocean-conservation award named after him!

“The Peter Benchley Ocean Awards are the world’s preeminent ocean awards and are unique in acknowledging outstanding achievement across many sectors of society leading to the protection of our ocean, coasts and the communities that depend on them.Co-founded by Wendy Benchley and David Helvarg, and named in honor of Peter Benchley, author of Jaws, this Award celebrates the life and legacy of a man who spent more than 40 years educating the public and expanding awareness of the importance of protecting sharks and ocean ecosystems.”

I know that these movies are usually a Not Good thing, but they also give us the opportunity to open up some discourse about about sharks, finning, ocean convservation, overfishing, and other important topics that usually don’t get much attetion.

If any of y’all are interesting in learning more about sharks, check out:

If anyone has any resources, articles, experiences, facts, or anything else to contribute, please do! :)

The Love Club (Peter Parker)

Originally posted by katmcnamara

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader
Warning: Cursing, Violence
Summary: Peter has been trying to take down a gang of robbers for the past few weeks, but never gets close to catching them because his rival, another hero by the name of Vagabond (the reader), is always one step ahead of him. 
Author: Dizzy
A/N: Anonymous requested number 2: “Listen here, asshole, if you think telling me what I’m doing is wrong, think again cause I can do a hell of a lot worse than slitting a throat.”

Masterlist Request a Prompt

Peter stood, clad in his Spider-man suit, on the edge of the building, watching as a gang of men rushed into a closed jewelry store. He had recognized the group by their outfits, suits of black with a single red heart on their sleeves.

The newspapers called them The Love Club while Peter called them just plain criminals. 

It was then that he spotted his rival, Vagabond, a young woman in a skin tight black suit fit with gadgets and fire red dyed hair. She, she was always chasing after The Love Club, always tripping them up, but never succeeding in capturing them while Peter couldn’t even get close to catching them. 

With the flick of a wrist, Peter shot a web before him, swinging down just as Vagabond slipped into the jewelry store behind the gang. 

But, he was not as swift as his rival and ended up crashing through the glass window of the store. 

“Well that’s one hell of a way to make an entrance.” Peter chuckled, shooting a web at one of the man. “Looks like you’re in a sticky situation.” 

He then heard a small groan as he saw red flash past out of the corner of his eye. 

Another man took a shot at Peter, missing his head by a few inches and ending up tangled in another one of Peter’s webs. 

That was when a man screamed, causing Peter to turn his attention to Vagabond, who had her arms around a man’s head as she slit his throat, blood splattering onto her and the area around her. 

“Shut up, goddammit! Wanna wake the whole neighborhood?!” She hissed as she dropped the man’s body, turning to the man that started to charge at her, causing her to throw a knife, hitting his jugular perfectly.

“What the hell are you doing?” Peter cried. “You’re not supposed to kill them!”

“Oh shit, it’s Spiderboy, here to save the city from crime and the forces of evil.” Vagabond mocked, retrieving her knife from the neck of the dead man.

Peter winced at the gory sight and the young woman’s lack of emotion towards what she was doing.

“You’re supposed to fight crime, not kill it.”

“Who said that? The Hero’s Handbook?”

“N-no. It’s just common knowledge of crime fighting.”

“Listen here, asshole, if you think telling me what I’m doing is wrong, think again cause I can do a hell of a lot worse than slitting a throat.” Vagabond snapped, pointing her bloody knife at the other hero.

“Well, sorry if I want to do the job right.”

“Doing the job right? There’s no right way to do this job, now come on, Spidey, we better get the fuck on outta here if we don’t wanna be here when the cops gotta clean up our mess.”

“Correction; your mess.” Peter replied in a snarky tone, the other hero pissing him off.

Vagabond rolled her eyes. “Whatever. You coming or not?”

Peter groaned. “I’m coming.”

He followed the woman out of the building and into the alleyway as she removed her red wig. He thought that was just her hair color, but he was wrong and her h/l h/c hair fell free as she continued to remove her mask, walking far ahead of Peter.

“What’s your name?” She asked, not looking back at him.


“Not your superhero name, dumbass, I meant your real one.”

“It’s, uh, Peter.”

“Damn, I knew it.”

“Knew what?”

Vagabond turned around with a smile, revealing her face to Peter who felt a gasp rise in the back of his throat.

“What’s up, Parker?”

“Y/N?! You’re Vagabond?!” Peter asked, astounded by the fact that his best friend was his rival.

“In the flesh. Now, tell me, Peter, why didn’t you tell me you were the spider?”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were the misfit of a hero?”

“You never asked.” Y/n smirked. “Well, now that we know our alter egos, do you wanna go get shawarma? There’s a really good place down the street.”

“How can you eat after all that blood?” Peter questioned, a chill going down his spine.

“You can never underestimate the appetite of a young hero.”

March of the Champs

I made another art! This time of my top 10 all-time favorite characters from fiction. If y’all need a list, here ya go (In order from greatest to least):

1: Vash the Stampede (Trigun)
He’s a bad-ass gunman with a bounty on his head, but he’s a warrior for love and peace… That and he loves doughnuts. A man after my own heart.

2: Kamina (Gurren Lagann)
Usually, I don’t care for the sage advice kinda characters, but this guy was just a bad-ass dork while doing all that. I think that comes from the fact that he feels like the big brother we all wish we could have, otherwise Simon wouldn’t have called him “Bro” all the time.

3: Ruby Rose (RWBY)
Short, simple, and sweet answer: If it’s wrong to be in love with a fictional character, then I don’t wanna be right.

4: Marco Diaz (Star vs. The Forces of Evil)
Short, simple, and sweet answer: This guy is my f***in’ spirit animal, anytime he’s on screen, I see a half-Latino smol bean version of myself.

5: Ryuko Matoi (Kill la Kill)
One, she’s strong AF. Two, she don’t need no man (In fact, last time I checked, I think she was a lesbian, and I’ma keep that head cannon goin’). Three, She’s just an all around bad-ass with good character growth.

6: Natsuki Subaru (Re:ZERO)
Something about this character reminds me of Andrew Garfield’s Spider-Man, a guy who will take any angle when faced with a roadblock, and constantly try and find a way to fix his current situation until he reaches “victory”… I’ll show myself out.

7: Deadpool (Marvel)
Short, simple, and sweet answer: It’s mother-f***ing Deadpool god-dammit.

8: Nostalgia Critic (Youtube/Channel Awesome)
He counts! He’s this funny-as-all-hell cynic of a movie critic who actually is rather thought provoking these days. Every video, he either gets me thinking about things, or laughing my ass off… or both.

9: Stanley Pines (Gravity Falls)
Easily the most complex character to me in all of GF, and the funniest as well. He’s just this con-artist great-uncle looking to try and bring his brother back, and make a few bucks

10: Asuka Langley Soryu (Evangelion)
Usually, I f***ing hate tsunderes, but this one really works for me. I think it’s just because of how broken she is… I don’t wanna say it’s therapeutic for me, but s therapeutic for me to see a tsundere suffer. That and she’s a strong-as-hell female he pilots a giant robot… BAD-ASS.

I might make another one soon, as I wanted to do more, but that’s for another time.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 review

Guardians of the Galaxy was a fantastic film, a real masterpiece for just how oddball and different it was from the rest of the Marvel cinematic universe. It was so different, with such a great group dynamic, great actors, and plenty of kickass scenes… this was lightning in a bottle, and there’s no way to catch that twice, right?

Wrong. They did it again. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 is every bit as good as the original, and what’s more… I actually think it’s a bit better. How is this? HOW COULD YOU TOP THE FIRST? I’ll explain, but be warned: after the plot synopsis, there’s gonna be a few spoilers, so just be warned.

So what are the Guardians up to this time? After doing a mission for the Sovereign race, the Guardians end up pissing them off because Rocket stole some precious batteries. During their escape attempt, the Guardians end up being saved by a mysterious stranger… and that stranger is none other than Peter’s dad, a strange being named Ego. While Peter, Gamora, and Drax head off to Ego’s planet, Rocket and Groot get kidnapped by the ravagers, who mutiny against Yondu. Shit starts going down, and now the two groups gotta get back together to guard the galaxy yet again, though this time the threat may be even greater than ever before…

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OUAT 6x16 Quick Thoughts

(FYI, quick probably doesn’t mean short when it comes to how I write, just the first things that come to mind)

I loved it. I’ll admit I didn’t expect to. Not until I could watch all the episodes for this season and appreciate the bigger picture. I actually almost didn’t watch it but then settled on a 10 minute test. I didn’t watch sneak peeks beforehand either.

I’m happy to say I was enjoying myself by the 6 minute mark.

I also thought I wouldn’t enjoy Hook’s presence. Turns out I don’t mind him much when he’s being himself instead of trying to convince people he’s a changed man when he’s not actually doing much to change.

Okay, so I loved Snow’s mother~daughter bonding over murder bit. It was funny and I liked that they acknowledged that Snow and Emma lack a good mother~daughter bond. I also think it’s funny that Snow decided the best solution was to take a page out of the Split Queen parenting handbook.

I loved the Henry writer story line.

I also loved how this episode and the promo for the next seems to point to Emma dying in the final battle. I feel like everyone’s just assumed that, maybe due to her vision. It’s deliciously twisted, you have to admit. The book starting with the creation of the dark curse and all the stories leading up to the savior’s birth and beyond only to end with the final chapter, her death. Which evidently was said to break the curse. Or it’s this show alluding to it at least, as it always does when it comes to dark things.

My favorite Swan Queen thing about this episode was that Emma has magic ingredients in her shed. Regina is aware of this and she knows she doesn’t need to ask Emma for them or for permission to use them for whatever spell she comes up with. She can just ask Henry to get them. I do believe this is practically the Swan Queen version of keeping a drawer with things at the other’s place. Hell, it’s like 5 levels up. It’s “I can go through your things and use them whenever and it’s fine. I don’t have to ask.” It’s official, they’re living together. :D

I really like the Black Fairy. She owns her evilness. I certainly like her more than Blue.

I like the backstory on Gideon and the Black Fairy. Well, as much as you can like a horrible childhood.

Also, the dwarfs/stolen children parallel. Interesting. And then one of them being kept from being with a fairy. Hmm.

I loved the whole savior fight ~portal scene. Probably my favorite part of the episode. Who else thought it was Regina coming to the rescue? Even though she was trying to save their son? Like, I mean, while I would have loved that scene unfolding, I’m not mad it wasn’t her because I’m sure Emma would be the first one to say when it comes to choosing between Henry and one of them Henry is always the main priority. (Although there is also the matter of urgency.)

Also, I’m sure there’s a metaphor in there somewhere about getting caught up/being smothered by the (cob)webs of the past.

And I also couldn’t help thinking that Lana was once in a spider movie. And that it can’t be a coincidence she was talking about having pet tarantulas as a kid at the Vancouver Con when in this episode there is a pet spider.

Oh, and I loved how the portal slices were reminiscent of the hands of the clock. Also, you want to tell me the clock tower lit up gold and Rumple was the only one who noticed? How far in the woods were Regina and Henry? Even though magic seems to be supposedly not just seen, but felt by all magic users present?

Also, GOLD savior magic.

But, so Rumple’s blasting magic is light purple, like Regina’s was? Was it always that way? Or is there truth to that magic color chart post piece I wrote? That your blasting magic color reveals where your magic falls on the light spectrum when it comes to how dark or light it is? And it’s subject to change as you change? And Rumple’s just became lighter?

Ooh, the twist on Gideon though. Didn’t see that coming although I don’t know why not.

Interesting that Hook thought of home and ended up in Neverland. I know he can’t get to Emma, but still. Interesting. I mean Emma thinks of home on her way to the past and she could have ended up anywhere. Her mother’s castle, her father’s farm. Hook’s boat. Next to her mom or dad. But no, she ends up exactly where Regina is in that moment. If you can’t tell, I’m still not over that.

I also don’t understand the tear thing. But I know it’s significant. Is it that she shed that tear during heartbreak while symbolically letting go of Hook? I mean, she did say then that she had to move on? Is that why Hook can’t come back? Because it’s a decision she can’t easily undo? Or it has to be her conscious choice?

Then there’s the fact that the significant tears that have been shed on this show have all been either Regina’s or Henry’s so far. Well mostly. I mean there was Anna’s tear of turning away from darkness. Giving the Dark One dagger its power. Or at least making it usable by the Dark One. But somehow I feel that was actually also Regina’s tear. That that is the reason why Rumple had Regina’s tear in the first place. And Anna was just used for illustration.

And all these tears could be used in magic.

Snow used Regina’s tear in season 2 to connect to her. Feel what she was feeling, see what she was seeing.

Unlike with Snow in season 2, in season 5 Regina’s tear is actually the result not the source of the same experience between Emma and Regina. The thing that binds/connects isn’t the tear. It’s trust. Watching the same memory allows Emma and Regina to see the same things and feel the same things. Share in the same experience. And it leads to Regina’s tears.

Which kind of could be a metaphor for these two relationships. The thing that connects Snow and Regina is Regina’s pain. Her tears. That was the most prominent thing to their relationship for a long time. The thing that practically started it. But Regina’s past with Snow has only brought her pain.

On the other hand, the thing that connects Emma and Regina is mutual trust. Even though that has led to tears for Regina as well. Emma turning against her over a murder she didn’t commit. But now Emma literally catches those tears, talking through those moments with Regina. Which leads to healing for Regina. Which is exactly why Emma says that Regina’s tear didn’t work when they needed it to. Knew it wouldn’t. “Because she’s healed. She moved on.” And the truth is Emma was the one who started helping her do that. And still does. And the tears that are used in magic are usually those of heartbreak, intense pain. Like Henry’s heartbreak over Violet. Or even Merlin’s over Nimue turning against him. I don’t know, I’m getting poetic.

But the fact that Emma’s tear is keeping Hook away from her can’t be a good omen for their relationship. Just as his kiss having the ability to take away her magic at one point wasn’t. Come to think of it, Wish realm Robin actually stole Regina’s magic. Literally. After a kiss.

And now that I think of it her words afterwards are interesting.

“Did you think I wouldn’t notice?”

Isn’t it how we feel about Emma now? That her magic has been stolen by Hook metaphorically even after having been stolen physically and her supposedly getting it back? Without her noticing? Only, she started having problems with her magic afterwards didn’t she? From ice magic she couldn’t control to dark one magic she had trouble controlling and now her own savior magic? Coincidence?

I wonder if we’ll get healing/life restoring tears on this show like in Tangled.

Oooh, ooh another favorite Swan Queen thing of mine! They clearly showed in this episode that the magical power Emma and Regina are known for isn’t about just any two people using magic together.

They showed us it. Twice. Gideon and Emma using magic together. And after 5 seconds Emma going “Run!” You KNOW she wouldn’t have done that with Regina.

Then between Rumple and Emma’s magic Rumple actually had to pull out his dagger. The dagger that killed an entire ogre army. Shit, Regina wasn’t kidding when she said her and Emma’s magic put together is some strong stuff.

Which really and truly begs the question. If Emma and Regina both know their magic together is practically invincible, And they both know the strongest magic comes from true love, what have they deluded themselves into believing about their magic?

Given that Emma originally “said” that she started saving Regina because Henry asked her to and then the first time after that when they truly use it together is because “Love is strength” when they dismantle the diamond-and they’re partly doing it to save their son because Emma only gets the idea as Regina talks to their son-could it be they have been telling themselves all this time what part of the fandom believes? That they’re doing this all for their son, out of love for their son? Keeping each other alive only for their son? That the true love their magic draws from is only from that they feel for Henry? Because I’ve got news for them.

But seriously, it is pretty much what they said all through season 3 when anyone questioned their care in actions toward each other.

Did I mention I loved this episode. I’m enjoying myself watching this show again and that’s all I wanted. I also am really loving the promo for the next one. So we’ll see.

The Boy in the Spider Pajamas (Part 4)

Peter Parker x Reader

Summary: You’re not supposed to be at the airport when Earth’s Mightiest Heroes clash, but hoping to finally get to use your powers for once, you tag along anyway. Unfortunately, your appointed job becomes much more difficult when a strange, young hero appears.

Part: TBitSP Masterlist

Words: 1006

[Y/N]=Your Name; [L/N]=Your Last Name

A/N: I know I suck. It’s been way too long since I’ve posted. I’ve been super busy and writer’s block hit :P Anyways, if you want to be tagged, let me know :)

The dinner table that night is absolutely silent. You glare across the table at your annoying roommate while he returns a similar look. Poor Aunt May is glancing between the two of you in confusion.

With a cough, she cheerily says, “So how was school today, you two?”

“We had a blast,” Peter grumbled. “In fact, [Y/N] had such a great time in biology, she was squealing like a little girl.”

“Well I obviously didn’t have as much fun as you and blondie did, Peter,” you shoot back.

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“Please don’t ever scare me like that again." (peter parker x reader)

word count: 1607
pairing: cacw peter parker x reader, tony stark father x reader
warnings: really vague mention of blood and hospital drugs
prompt: “Oh, my God, I thought you were going to die. Please don’t ever scare me like that again.”
a/n: Tom Holland Peter Parker is everything I need in life, and added with Tony Stark as your father, even more. Thanks so much for reading! Definitely more CACW peter imagines to come! Might do a reverse of roles (you worrying for peter instead) later?

Even after the mess with the accords— evil, whatever that truly may be, did not rest. There was still something to fight. And like Peter told you so long ago— when you can do the things we can and don’t, then when the bad things happen, it’s your fault. When your dad, Tony Stark, and Steve Rogers, someone you considered family, fought and almost killed each other, your world was at a stand still. Everything felt completely different and wrong. You were victim to more teenage backlashes of locking yourself in your room and angrily running away than usual. You were 16. You were raised around the values that the avengers shared. You never cared about politics, you only cared about the people you called your family. The whole war just felt like one bad thing after another: everyone you loved getting hurt by someone else you loved. It was wrong.

But one good thing did come out of that— Peter. 

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Michael After Midnight: Guardians of the Galaxy

So as you may well know, I loved Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2. I can safely say it’s my favorite movie ever made… or one of them, anyway. While I do think it is marginally better, there is a marginally there, and I gotta be honest, I still love part one just as much in its own way. Guardians of the Galaxy is one of the coolest, freshest, and most out-there superhero comic book movies of the past decade, and a stylish change of pace for the sometimes very formulaic MCU.

But who could have guessed that? The MCU was known for taking the less famous heroes in its roster (Since they didn’t have Spider-Man, the X-Men, or the Fantastic Four to work with) and turn them into juggernaut blockbusters, but did anyone really guess that they could take a bunch of characters as obscure as the Guardians and make a quality film with them? And that’s not the only reason this movie was a gamble; this movie was almost totally detached from the rest of the MCU and its overarching plot, with the appearances of Thanos and the Collector (both of whom only appear in a single scene, though the Collector also pops up in a post-credits stinger) being the only connection to other movies, and even then, both characters were relegated to stingers to foreshadow future movies anyway! And then you have to throw in the fact that the movie is directed and written by a guy who directed cult movies and the horrendous Movie 43, the fact that one character is a talking tree, the fact another character is a talking raccoon who uses guns, and the fact the MCU is locked out of using characters like the Skrulls, Galactus, and the Silver Surfer… you can kinda see why this was a risky move on their part.

But oh boy, did it ever pay off. Rave reviews, audience love, and people hyped for more… it’s safe to say that Guardians is one of the best films in the entire MCU, and it really set itself up as a nearly impossible act to follow, which is all the more impressive seeing as it came after Captain America: The Winter Soldier, ANOTHER very tough act to follow. So, now that we have all this context, why are Peter Quill and his rambling gang of space jerks so endearing and enjoyable? Well, here’s the story:

Peter Quill was a young Earth boy taken in by the alien Yondu and his band of Ravagers on the eve of his mother’s death by brain tumor. Decades later, Peter is all grown up and calling himself Star-Lord, and is now about space pirating. Unfortunately for him, the latest trinket he stole (and left Yondu out of the loop on) is something that the Mad Titan himself, Thanos, is looking for. Thanos sends his daughter Gamora out to retrieve it, and at the same time, bounty hunters Rocket and Groot decide to take Quill in for the price on his head. All of them fight and end up in prison, where they meet Drax the Destroyer, a man who desires vengeance against Ronan the Accuser, a fanatical Kree renegade who serves Thanos. These unlikely allies decide to team up to escape the prison they’re trapped in and head off to sell the object for massive amounts of cash; however, Ronan is hot on their tails, desiring the object for himself. Can these knuckleheads stop bickering long enough to make some big bucks, or is Ronan going to destroy them all?

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Strange Letters From St. Louis Prison 

by reddit user AHarmonRights

Maybe I allowed myself to be disarmed by the fact that he came at three in the afternoon. He knocked very softly for a man of his stature, hulking as he was at six foot four with wide shoulders and big, hairy knuckles. When I asked how I could help him, he reached into his coat pocket, withdrew an envelope, and held it out to me. Who wears a coat in August? 

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I've been getting strange letters from the St. Louis prison.

Maybe I allowed myself to be disarmed by the fact that he came at three in the afternoon. He knocked very softly for a man of his stature, hulking as he was at six foot four with wide shoulders and big, hairy knuckles. When I asked how I could help him, he reached into his coat pocket, withdrew an envelope, and held it out to me. Who wears a coat in August? I took the envelope and looked it over. Its face was stamped over several times with information for the St. Louis Correctional Facility. A letter from prison. Great. I didn’t know anyone in prison. Then, I noticed a post-it note paperclipped to the back of the envelope. It read simply:

Please allow the courier to be present to witness the reading of this letter.
I looked up at the man towering over me on the porch. Though he was large, he didn’t appear threatening. If anything, his calm smile made me think he might be rather friendly. I asked if he had any clue about the contents of the letter or why his presence was necessary for the reading, but the tall man shrugged and gestured towards the foyer. I nodded and invited him in.

In the kitchen, we both sat across from one another at the table. I offered him some coffee, but he silently declined. Glancing up at him one last time, I peeled the flap back and pulled out a ten-page letter, scrawn in hasty handwriting on lined yellow paper. The letter began:

You don’t know me. You will likely never meet me. I am on death row at the St. Louis Correctional Facility. I was locked up for the murder of my wife and two children. Lionel was 3. Macie was just 6 months old. I loved them dearly. But I did kill them. I will admit that first and foremost. I hate myself for it and I rot in my cell, tortured by the images of their blood dripping off my knuckles. Let me tell you my story.

I looked back up at the tall man with disgust obvious on my face. His calm, soft grin didn’t waver as he stared back at me. I got up to get a glass of water, then returned to the letter. The author of the letter, whose name I found out was Fitz Willard, had been incarcerated two weeks ago and had began work on his letter as soon as he had access to stationary. He never explained how he got my address or why he chose me to share his story with. But the story was brutal.

Fitz Willard claimed to have been cursed. My first thought was that he suffered from schizophrenia, but he explained that he had been tested for it with no results. He insisted that a demonic spirit was attached to him. The evil spirit taunted him, tortured his every waking moment. It whispered evil deeds in his ear as he lay in bed at night. It appeared in his reflection as he walked past the mirror. The demon was constantly suggesting cruelties and filling Fitz’s brain with insecurities and phobias and sinister ideas. Fitz’s day to day life became riddled by a running commentary on the weakness of humans, the frailty of flesh, and the freedom of bloodletting. Work meetings became haunted by the demon’s screeching. The spirit hissed terrible things about every face Fitz passed on the street.

The worst still, though, was the demon’s thoughts on Fitz’s family. He called Fitz’s wife a whore. Called the children ungrateful bastards. The demon told Fitz that his family didn’t appreciate him, that his wife was cheating on him, that his children couldn’t stand to be around him. That Fitz could never provide enough for them. That their house was a sty. That their clothes were rags. That everything Fitz had worked towards his whole life was a mediocre joke, at best.

For ten pages, Fitz Willard recounted the madness that crept into his psyche. The nightmares that woke him dozens of times a night. The demon made lightbulbs flicker as Fitz walked under them. He made the bath tub run red, like blood. Flies gathered on the mirrors. And the demon’s suggestions became more and more furious. They became demands. Threats, even. Until, one day, Fitz caved in. Caved in the skulls of his two infant children with his bare fists before strangling his wife of eight years so hard that he fractured the vertebrae in her neck before she finally asphyxiated.

That’s how he ended the first letter. The tall man stood and nodded to me in silence, then I led him out the front door. Needless to say, I was shaken. Why would someone decide to share such a terrible story with me?

Day two. The tall man stood on my porch again, at three in the afternoon, and when I answered he handed me the second letter. As off-put as I was by the first letter, I found that as I sat watching television that night, I couldn’t shake the story from my head. I took the second letter and led its deliverer to the kitchen table once again. I wanted more.

What word does justice to the nature of the second letter? Dark. Twisted. Desperate. The yellow paper was rife with drawings of forlorn figures huddled in corners and tiny bodies splayed out in pools of pencil gray. Smudges of graphite made all the little doodles appear in shadows. The second page of the letter was just one big drawing: a woman’s face twisted up in suffering, her mouth hanging open and her throat packed full of maggots. Spiders wrapped up in her hair. Tears whipping down from her eyes. Her hands grasped her own face, jagged nails dug into her cheeks.

That second letter gave a name to the demon–Grimmdeed. Grimmdeed the Tormentor. I glanced up often from the letter to the man sitting across the table from me. Did he know the terrible tale I was being told? Is that why it was so important that he was present when I read it? His gentle smile never faltered, never faded as he looked idly around my kitchen.

Fitz elaborated on his descent into madness. About the tearful call he made to 911 as he stood over the lifeless bodies of his family. He talked about the trial and how, even in the courtroom, Grimmdeed sat behind him at the defendant’s table and spoke curses about everyone present. Grimmdeed demanded that Fitz try for the bailiff’s gun at the conclusion of the trial, and Fitz did.

This lead to a brief beating. Grimmdeed said that Fitz should stand at the door of his cell, screaming profanity and threatening the guards. This lead to a longer beating. Grimmdeed told Fitz to spit at the judge the next day at trial and, as defeated as Fitz’s poor conscience was by the demon’s constant influence, he did.
The letter ended with another drawing. This time of the whole courtroom strewn with slaughtered lawyers and the judge hung above his stand. All of it was in the smeared grey of pencil lead with grimy fingerprints pressed onto yellow paper.

On the third day, I was sitting on the bottom stair just inside the door, waiting for three o’clock. Right on time, the courier arrived and without a word between us I let him walk through the door. He set the third letter on the kitchen table and sat down. His smile was brighter today, wider than usual. I could tell by his demeanor that this must be the final letter.

I peeled the envelope open and sat with a steaming coffee at my elbow. In his third letter, Fitz talked about his days in prison. How even in his incarceration, Grimmdeed the Tormentor haunted him. He described how slow the death penalty process took, how he may die of old age in his prison cell long before an execution date was set. His penmanship became a barely legible scribble. His writing was frantic. He was a rat, trapped in a cage, being prodded constantly by the cruel musings of Grimmdeed the Tormentor. Fitz’s sanity had long past. He doodled himself smearing something on the walls of his cell with his hands. I assume feces. Fitz said he was thinking about ripping his ears off in hopes that he would deafen himself and escape Grimmdeed’s whispers. The yellow pages had stains on them from Fitz’s tears. He apologized for that.

Then, on the last page, a spark of hope. As if he had stopped and gathered himself, his handwriting once again became clean and clear. The last lines read:

Grimmdeed has grown bored with me. Being locked up like this, I can’t do much evil worthy of him. He told me how to end my curse. Well, no, the curse never ends exactly. This is why I’m writing to you. To pass the curse along to its next victim. But, since I still have a sliver of humanity left in me, I’ll at least let you know how it’s done. You make someone else pick up Grimmdeed’s curse the same way I did: by inviting him into your home three times.

My heart froze. I didn’t dare to breathe as I looked up from Fitz’s taunting signature at the end of the letter to find the tall man staring into my eyes. His eyes were an endless black. That cruel grin was wider than ever.
“Light the letter on fire” Grimmdeed demanded.

Marvel vs DC *Stiles Stilinski*

Request: Ok😊 So I know this may sound a little cliché, but I really like the idea of a Stiles Stilinski smut where the reader and stiles are having a Marvel and DC movie marathon and they get into a playful argument about which character/company (Marvel or DC) is better and it turns into some like REALLY heated thing and ugghghhhhh I’m such a nerd like Stiles so that’s like my dream in life.

A/N: It’s super late, and I’m super sorry. I hope you like it.


“Marvel…is the greatest.” A simple statement.

“Excuse me?” That’s how it started.

“You heard me, Stilinski. Marvel could pull lint out of it’s ass and it would still be supreme to anything DC comics could come up with, heroes, villains, comics, movies, and lint included .”

Stiles gasped, clutching his chest dramatically he spoke “I had my suspicions of you Y/N, but this confirms it. No friend of mine is going to choose Marvel over DC Comics. I can’t even look at you right now. Maybe you should leave.”

“Maybe I will.” Y/N said defensively, rising to her feet. Stiles got a clear view of her lacy black underwear when she did. It wasn’t intentional. The way she lifted her leg to climb off the bed caused the oversized “Justice league” T-shirt to ride up her thigh. And he just couldn’t take his eyes away even if he wanted to, even if he tried.

Stiles also couldn’t help but to admire her ass as she made the short trip from his bed to the door. Gods, he was a perv. Y/N was one of his best friend. He’d known and loved (platonically, of course) her almost as long as he loved and knew Scott, and here he was gawking at her like some sort of horny hormonic teenager. Stiles wanted Y/N in the worst way. “And maybe I’ll ask Tyson to come get.”

But he hated Tyson.

“As a matter a fact I think you should stay.” He said quiclkly

Tyson had been after Y/N since the start of freshman year (about the same time Stiles had). It was like after Junior high they’d both realized Y/N wasn’t “another one of the guys” who’d they could wrestle, play lacrosse, and read comic books with (well, they could, but that wasn’t the point) Y/N was a girl, and they were starting to take notice of it.

“Nope, too late. I’m calling Tyson.”

“Wait!” He had the think fast “Um how about we make a wager?”

“I’m listening.” Y/N could never turn down a bet, her competitive nature (especially where Stiles was concerned) wouldn’t allow it.

“OK um…OK I got it!” he took a deep breath  “We’ll continue our Marvel vs DC Comics movie marathon, and whoever falls asleep first has to be the slave of the winner.”

“For how long? Y/N folded her arms across her chest. There was no way in hell she’d lose this. Having Stiles waiting on her hand and foot was too good of opportunity to pass up.

“Well that depends on what the winner wants.” He held his hand out to her praying she’d shake it.  “Do we have a deal?”

She nodded.

“You sure? Because once we shake on it there’s no turning back.” He questioned.

“Positive.” She shook his hand finalizing the deal. “I’ll take a picture to prove you fell asleep first.”

“If I fall asleep first.” Stiles retorted.

“When you fall asleep first.” Y/N countered.

Six hour, three batman, two X-men, and one Spider man movies later Y/N was snoring softly beside him. Her head resting on his shoulder, arm slung across his chest, and leg bent at the knee resting on his crotch and lower stomach. He tried to take a picture without disturbing her, nearly giving himself a heart attack when the flash went off.

Y/N was sound asleep Stiles won. Let the games begin.

“Fuck!” Y/N’s voice rang loud in his ears. He wasn’t surprise. She stood by the foot of the bed looking at Stiles in what could only be described as terror. “I know, I know…I fell asleep first.”

He sat up, giving her a evil smile “First thing you will do as my official servant is repeat after me.” A scowl masked her pretty face, but a deal’s a deal. “I, Y/N Y/L/N, think Stiles Stilinski is the handsome most  smartest man I ever, and will ever have the pleasure of knowing. And I am not worthy. Go.”

““I, Y/N Y/L/N, think Stiles Stilinski is the handsome most and smartest man I ever, and will ever have the pleasure of meeting. And I am not worthy.” She muttered reluctantly.

“Next, you will address me as ‘Sir’ and only ‘Sir. Clear?”

“Crystal, sir.” Y/N failed to notice the dark the look in his eye.

“And last…wait why are you standing so far away come a bit closer Y/N.”

“Yes Sir.” Y/N did as she was told. The way she said “sir” had Stiles on edge. It wasn’t in any way seductive, if anything it was innocent, and it was turning him on.

“Kiss me.”

“Yes Sir.” She smiled. Y/N figured Stiles would get some sort of pleasure in seeing her squirm, or in her breaking the deal by refusing to comply to his demands. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.

Y/N went in for a quick peck on the lips, but Stiles had other plans. As soon as she tried to pull away he slung his arm around her waist, flipping Y/N on her back. She had barely been able to recover her breath after Stiles had knocked it out of her when he was lying between her spread legs on top of her leaving purple bruises along her jawline, throat, and chest.

Stiles brought his hands to the top of her underwear. Pulling them to down to her thighs and swiping his finger at her clit. Y/N couldn’t suppress the shudder or hitch in her breath when he repeated the action.q

“You like that sweetheart?” Stiles chuckled. Y/N remained silent as a light blush creeped across her face. She screamed when without warning he roughly pushed two fingers into her soaked pussy. Slowly pulling his digits out as to prolong the overwhelming feeling of pleasure. Stiles licked her juices from his finger never breaking eye contact. “If I were you, I’d answer me. So let’s try this again, shall we? Do you like it?”

Y/N nodded, and received the same harsh punishment. Tears spilled over as she struggled to hold in the shriek that would have slipped out. She clawed his forearm drawing small beads of blood, but Stiles was unaffected.

“Use your words.” He whispered. Staring down at her with the same emotionless smirked.

“Yes, Sir.”

“Good girl.” Slowly he withdrew, then pushed back in, repeating the action and gaining momentum until she was a writhing and moaning mess beneath him. Her moans drowning out the squelching sound her pussy made as his fingers pumped in and out of her. He could tell Y/N’s orgasm was approaching. Her muscles clenched around his digits, her eye’s were screwed shut, and the increasingly heavy panting gave it away. He pulled his fingers away.

“You didn’t think I’d let you cum, did you?” Stiles asked teasingly. “No, if you want to cum you’ll have to work for it. Ride me.”

He sat up to remove his shirt and boxers before grabbing her by the hand, pulling her upright, and taking her previous spot and position. He tucked his hands behind his head, watching, waiting for Y/N to make a move.

Y/N straddled his hips. She’d been Stiles’ boner plenteous times before, but then he’d fully clothed and (more times than not) asleep. Now that she was up close and personal with his large veiny cock, she was starting to second guess herself. She wanted him, she wanted this, but what if she wasn’t good? What if she fucked up somehow?

Stiles seeing her hesitation thrust his hips upwards shoving his cock into her pussy in one swift motion. With both hands he grabbed Y/N’s round ass forcing her to stay still, and hissing as if in pain. His recovery was quick.

“Ride me.”

Without another moment’s hesitation Y/N did as she was told, rocking back and forth and bouncing on his stiff cock until her orgasm came crashing down on her. She shivered and leaned over, pressing her face into the crook of her neck. Y/N slowly continued to ride him riding out her climax. Heavy breathing taking the place of loud moans.

“You didn’t cum.” She said weakly

“You’re still my personal servant.” He teased “They’ll be more opportunities to cum.


A/N: Hope you liked it! I know it’s pretty short. Request are still open.

THE TALK - TBS Prompt#6969

On phone so I can’t do a read more, sorry. For you, anon:


Pink-polished nails curled around the handle of a black Body Shoppe bag, a small smile curving over red lips as heels clicked onto the floor.

“Thank you, Finn. You’re…always so helpful!”

The girl blushed just a bit and looked down, nervous as she said her goodbye.

“N-no problem! I hope I’ll see you soon - I mean! I mean I hope you come back soon!” Finny fumbled over his own words and blushed himself, his hand awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck as he tried to keep composure.

Little did the blond know that he was being carefully watched from not too far away, the light fluttering of velvet curtains barely giving away the peeping tom.

Ciel clenched the fabric as a blue eye glared at the girl, his thin body hiding behind the wall of the other side. So many emotions were rushing through him, and when he continued to stalk his coworker he balled his hands into fists and nodded like his comrade was doing a good job.

“Reel her in baby come on you got her hooked just yank her fine ass into your boat.”

All of a sudden the male felt heavy hands on his hips, and when a rough whack against his ass was delivered he held in a grunt and quickly turned around.

“Stop it, stupid!”

Sebastian gave him a violent thrust of a greeting and he smiled and blanketed his boyfriend’s smaller back, leaning over him and wondering what the male was so intently watching.

“Who are you spying on now?”

“Shh get your dick off me I’m watching the mating habits of sraight people here. So interesting. So beautiful. So majestic.”

Sebastian nuzzled into Ciel’s jaw as his eyes turned to look at the fumbling couple by the register, intentionally squashing their cheeks together as he stared.

“Hmm. That girl only comes here when Finny’s working. She likes him.”

Ciel squeezed their faces even harder against one another as his eye widened when the girl leaned over the counter to give the blond a hug.

“Holy shitballs did you see that?!”

“She wants him. Bad.”

“Oh my god what do we do what do we do?!”

Sebastian rolled his cheek to quickly kiss Ciel on his mouth, and he lightly spanked the male on the ass before straightening his back.

“It was bound to happen. I always told him he needs to get a girlfriend sooner or later.”

The curtain whipped back into place as Ciel couldn’t take the sight any longer, a determined huff escaping his lips as he turned around to face his man.

“It’s time, Sebastian.”

“Time for what?”

“Our little boy is growing up. He needs to know the ways of the world, of life and love!”

Sebastian humored his boyfriend and fervently nodded as if Ciel was so right in everything he was saying. With a fold of his arms and a serious stare he closed his eyes and sighed, brows curving seriously.

“We must give him the talk.”

“Yes!” Ciel jumped in place excitedly and grabbed both of his boss’ hands, tightly lacing their fingers together. “You always know exactly what I’m thinking. We’re such good parents, aren’t we?”

“Only the best.”

“Hooahh!” Ciel made some kind of indecipherable squeaking sound and released the hands, composing himself and instantly turning his happy expression into a scary scowl.

“Oh?” Sebastian couldn’t help but smile at how serious Ciel was about this new conquest. “Are we going with the stern parenting this time?”

“Ugh, I don’t know!” Ciel smiled and then frowned and then opened his mouth and acted like he was overjoyed, only to wipe it all away with an angry glare. “Which to choose?!”

“I like the normal smile. You know Finny gets scared when you look angry.”

“Yeah but I AM angry! I don’t want him to grow up, I don’t want him sticking his dick into things yet!”

“This is what happens when you have children. It’s an inevitibility.”

“Well I hate it!” Ciel huffed and peered through the curtains when he heard the girl walk out of the shop. “Let’s just keep adopting babies and give them away when they turn that frightful age of twelve.”

“Yes, that sounds very reasonable and moral. You’ll make such a good father.”

Ciel smiled sarcastically and whipped right through the curtains, his focus now on that blushing boy behind the register.

Sebastian followed close behind, and they walked right on up to the blond and stopped about two feet in front of him, the glass counter standing between the couple and the coworker.

Finny desperately tried to compose himself, but the intimidation of the two couldn’t be ignored.

“W-what’s up guys?!”

“What’s up he says.” Ciel scoffed to his man and looked up at him, the older agreeing like the good husband he was. “Pft, get a load of this guy - can you believe it, baby?”


“Acting like nothing happened Finn. You know who knows what’s up? WE DO! WE KNOW WHAT IS IN FACT - UP.”

“We INVENTED up.” Sebastian added for effect.

“Agh oh god! What did I do?! I only meant what’s up like how’s it going I didn’t mean to upset you guys!”

“I think he’s still pondering what’s up, Sebastian. Why don’t you CLARIFY it for him, HMM?!”

“Oh we will tell you what’s up young man.” Sebastian’s voice was calm and stern as he switched to full-blown dad-mode just for Ciel, his eyes narrowing as he spoke. “It’s so far up there’s no bringing it back down again, is there?”

“What…what are you guys talking about?! I’m so confused!”

“What are we talking about he says. The nerve of this guy - you playing pigeon, son? HUH?!”

“I don’t know what any of that means!”

“Oh so you suddenly don’t know about anything we’re saying huh?” Ciel nodded like he knew a thing or two about parenting when he in fact knew nothing. “Baby you tell him what we’re talking about.”

Sebastian folded his arms over his chest and lifted his chin, his dominance now profound and fatherly.

“We’re talking about what we just witnessed here, Finnian. Don’t think we weren’t watching you.”

“Yeah - FINNIAN!” Ciel mimicked his boyfriend’s stance and huffed. “Care to tell us what all that FLIRTING was about?!”

“F-flirting?! I didn’t even, I mean, I just…I…”

“I, I, I, I!! So many eyes he’s like a fuckin’ spider over here!” Ciel gave himself a mental reward for the joke and continued.

“We saw you blushin’ up the whole damn store don’t deny it!”

“I wasn’t I swear! I was just talking to a customer!”

“Oh so THAT’S what they call it these days.” Sebastian tsk-tsk’d his way back into the conversation and reprimanded the boy with the lift of a firm eyebrow. “First it’s talking and what next - sexing in my own store?”

Ciel almost lost it.

“Huh? No! Never ever! I would never sex anywhere!”

“Yeah sooner or later they’ll be fucking like rabbits in the back!”

“Ciel, please.” Sebastian softly plopped his forearm over his boyfriend’s chest as if holding him back. “You’ll startle him.”


“AHhh! I’m sorry I’m sorry she’s just a customer and she’s really nice and pretty and we like the same things and oh my god did I do something wrong I’m so so sorry I didn’t mean to please don’t fire me!”

The shop fell silent, no other customers around, only the glare of three eyes silently screaming at a frantic Finny.

“Finn let me ask you something.” Ciel’s voice grew calmer and he unfolded his arms to plant his palms flat on the counter, leaning in menacingly as he whispered out his question.

“Have you ever fucked a pussy out before?”

The blond’s face exploded into red and he shook his head so fast it was only a blur.

“No! No sir never oh god!”

“That’s what I thought.” Ciel quickly glanced at Sebastian, loving their little routine. “You think the same thing, baby?”

“Oh I’ve had it up to here with thinking about it.”

“Damn straight.” Ciel eyed the boy up and down and lifted both of his hands in the air, now smiling as he made it seem like everything was copacetic.

“Well! No use denying those RAGING hormones of yours, right? They are raging, aren’t they?”

“I don’t know!”

“I’d say they’re more like…floating. Floating hormones.” Sebastian smiled at the boy, solidifying his stance as the good cop.

“Floating? FLOATING?” Ciel dramatically threw his shoulders against his boyfriend’s chest and placed the back of his hand onto his forehead as if he were about to faint. “Those are the worst kind!”

“My hormones aren’t floating Ciel I promise you! They’re….they’re normal! You have nothing to be worried about!”

As if raised right from the depths of hell Ciel whipped his body off of Sebastian and slammed his hands back down onto the glass, an evil grin on his lips.

“Well then. Looks like you’re in luck - your dads are here to teach you a thing or two, aren’t we pup-pup?”

Sebastian curled his lip at the pet-name, his fatherly stance falling from his body language.

“Don’t call me that.”

“What it’s cute.”

“It’s not cute it’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid, you’re stupid!”

“You’re stupider.”

“That’s not a word!”

“Look it up in the dictionary. There’ll be a picture of your face under it.”

“Ooo! Bring that one back from the playground?!”

“You know it.”

“ANYWAY” Ciel fake-laughed his way out of that one and looked back towards Finny. “We’re here to talk about women. I’m the only one in this room who has ACTUALLY sexed one up before, so I’ll take the lead.”

“It’s…you don’t have to Ciel I work here I know how women-”

“BEHOLD THE VAGINA.” Ciel extended his arms out like Moses showing off the ten commandments, a little holy ‘ahhhhhh’ escaping his throat for dramatic effect. “WE MUST NOT BE SWAYED BY SUCH MYSTERY! Alas I have the key to unlock that treasure chest of female nether regions YES! I HAVE THAT KNOWLEDGE!”

The one-eyed male glanced over to Sebastian for affirmation and the man rubbed his chin with one hand and gestured for Ciel to continue with the other

“By all means, please continue. You’re being so informitive even I’m intrigued.”

“Oh shut up. Finn look…this is a vagina.” Ciel slapped his hands together, his thumbs pointing downward to get that pussy-feel to them. “Now when you uh…when you…see what happens is your face goes here and…aheh.”

“Go on - teach him how to eat it out.” Sebastian chimed in, hiding his laughter with a fist. “Properly, now.”

“Suck a dick!” Ciel fumed and shot his man a spiteful glare before turning back to the blond. “Okay first thing you gotta do is spread the lips. Just like, boop-boop they kinda open up you know when you cut that slice with your fingers.”


“I know, right. That’s why I like dick. Anyway. So see inside there’ll be the hole you’ll be blastin’ off into fuckin’ outer space with your cock, and also the famed clit. Now don’t go right for the clit first but just give it some broad licks from fuck-hole to piss-hole.”

“Oh my god!”

“I can’t believe you just said that.” Sebastian ran his hand over his face in embarrassment and tried to compose himself. “Your mother’s going to hear about this - I’m calling Rachel when I get home.”

“What?! Okay I’M SORRY EVERYONE for calling it a fuck-hole! I just don’t know the proper terminology for fucking vagina parts, god burn me on a fucking cross already!”

“You’re going to hell.” Sebastian leaned over and gave Ciel a quick kiss on his lips before letting him speak again. “There’s no saving you.”

“Blaaa!” Ciel stuck out his tongue like the anti-christ and shook his head, startling a poor Finny.

“You guys are making sex scary!”

“You bet your sweet ass it’s scary.” The one-eyed male composed himself and got back to the point. “Okay, maybe I came off a little strong. But eating a chick out is part of foreplay you know, you’ll have to do it sooner or later.”

“What does…” Finny looked down in embarassment and blushed even more if you could believe it. “What does it taste like?”

Finny looked up at Ciel. Ciel looked at Sebastian. Sebastian looked back to Finny. Ciel widened his eye like a crazy person as the tension in the room thickenned.

“Y-you mean you’ve never tried it Ciel?”

“Yeah Ciel, I thought you were the expert.” Sebastian smiled. “Grace us with your experience in fine dining.”

“BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP. Okay everyone shut their fucking mouth-holes I got an idea.” Ciel dug into his front pocket and whipped out his phone, knocking his head back and smiling as he swiped his thumb all over the surface.

The device was put on speaker and the three drew into the cell as it held the answer to all their questions.

“Hey Ciel!”

Finny and Sebastian looked at one another when they realized it was Mey, and the blond shook his head from side to side because he wanted nothing to do with this.

“Baby heyyy, how’s everything? Parent’s doing good? Hey what does pussy taste like?”


"Vagina. Can you tell me what it tastes like?”

“How the fuck should I know I don’t eat pussy you fucking moron!”

“Uh yeah but like…you have one. You must have tried it sometime.”

“WHAT?! I have not!”

“Yes you have. Just like every guy has sampled his own cum chicks do the same. We also see how close we can get to sucking our own dicks but that’s another conversation.”

“Ugh you’re sick. Why do you want to know this shit anyway?”

“Scientific research?”

Ciel covered the phone for a second and nodded to his boys like he had her in the palm of his hand.

“Baby, come on. You can tell me. I bet you taste sweet.”

“God I fucking hate you, you know that? FINE. I tried it ONCE okay.”

Ciel held out his hand and Sebastian slapped him a low-five for his efforts and the three men all huddled into the phone like the meaning of life was about to be uttered.

“I’m all ears.”

“It’s uh…like, how would I describe it. Fluidy stuff. Not like cum which is bleachy and bitter it’s just kinda…neutral um, skin tasting?”

All three of their faces fell flat and Ciel rolled his only eye.

“Skin tasting. Wow, Mey. You’re really good at describing shit.”

“Eat my ass you bitch!”

Sebastian let out a low laugh of a breath and the phone soon errupted into hysterics.

“WHAT WAS THAT?! Ciel…am I on fucking SPEAKER?!”



“Chill princess it’s just Finn and my man. If Bard were here he would have blown his load all over the walls after hearing that.”


“Thaanks baby for not being any help. You’re dead to me, over.”


Ciel hung up on the girl mid-insult and shoved his phone back into his pocket as he sighed and looked at the two.

“You know what we can skip the pussy eating. Girls probably hate that shit anyway, right Sebastian?”

“Doubt it.”

“Okay! On to lesson two, my favorite lesson!”

“Ciel I don’t need anymore lessons I think I’m fine with what I already know!”

“Heavy petting was invented by cave people. They used it to communicate with one another and all that fancy shit. But today it’s an intrigal part of making sex. HOW does one heavy pet you ask? Why I’ll show you with the help of my lovely assistant!”

Sebastian lifted his chin and winked at Finny, causing the blond to blurt out a nervous gasp. Ciel lauged and forced his boyfriend’s hips to face his own, their bodies barely a foot apart.

“See when you guys are getting all hot and heavy you put her hand on your dick like this.” Ciel grabbed his boyfriend by the wrist and forced his heavy palm onto his crotch. “And then push it all around your junk, see. Grab the balls, but never squeeze - rule of thumb.”

“No, no. That’s not right.” Sebastian corrected Ciel and grabbed his hand, scooping the male’s digits right under his dick so he could really feel it. “You have to be gentle yet forceful. Make sure she squeezes softly - show him, Ciel.”

“Softly, softly yes.” Ciel rubbed his man in careful circles, swallowing when he started to feel that crazy thing thicken. A blue orb rolled up to Sebastian’s lidded eyes, and the hand that rested on his own dick started moving as well.

“Is this soft enough for you, baby?”

“Not as soft as your insides.”

“Uh…um, y-you…you guys.” Finny gulped. “I think I get it you don’t have to continu-”

“See Finn. If she’s touching your dick like this then she’ll let you touch her dick too.”

“But! But girls don’t have di-”

“Make sure you get her nice and hot. Warm her up first and she’ll get….ah god.” Ciel gasped out a small moan as his boyfriend mauled his waist, slamming their chests into one another as both of their hands jerked up and down.

“She’ll get so wet for you you’ll have to lap her up.” Sebastian could feel the mound he was squeezing dampen right at the tip, and he leaned down and lewdly licked Ciel’s throat because he just couldn’t take it anymore. The hot tongue rolled over the flesh and the older lost it the second he sampled the skin.

“Stop it you guys I’m right here!” The blond tried so hard to plead yet he was rudely ignored, the couple clearly in their own world now, boner city, population two.

Once that warm muscle slid over his Adam’s apple, Ciel lifted his chin and started breathing into his boyfriend’s ear, kissing it and sucking on the lobe as his face blushed right up.

Finny’s eyes widened at the sight, never once seeing Ciel so overtaken with lust, so submissive and eager. The boy swallowed hard and let his eyes shamelessly trace the way Ciel’s spine curved as he was being held.

Those thin hips, the soft swell of his ass, Ciel was sexy indeed and not even a straight Finny could ever deny it.

Sebastian let his eyes slide over to the blond and he noticed the way Finny was blatantly staring. A surge of jealousy overtook the man and he whacked his palm against Ciel’s ass with his free hand and groped him hard and messy, those long digits pushing into the flesh.

“L-like that, pet me harder.” Ciel was practically hanging off of his man now, one arm slung around his neck and the other desperately working the inside of Sebastian’s thigh to feel the thick mass between his legs.

“Only if you grab it like you want it.” Sebastian whispered onto the throat and felt those hands frantically squeeze his cock up and down in response.

“I want it. I fucking want it inside me right now I’ll do anything.”

“I can’t hear you.”

“I said I’ll do anything! P-please, Sebastian. Ah god, mm!”

Sebastian smirked as he looked at Finny and he grabbed his man possessively, smelling the nape of Ciel’s neck as he spoke to the blond.

“You know they’re ripe for fucking when they beg for it.” The man’s orbs slid back down to his boyfriend and he stared right into that eye he couldn’t get enough of. “Isn’t that right?”

Ciel was a complete mess as hips swayed, the two grinding into one another as their mouths were only inches apart. He nodded submissively and breathed hard, agreeing with everything Sebastian spoke as their lips barely brushed over one another.

“I love you, oh god - I love y-” Ciel’s face blushed hard and he shut his eye tight when a hot tongue slipped right into his mouth, the couple finally tasting one another.

“N-no! No no stop you guys PLEASE I’m begging oh-oh god stop it!” Finny’s words nervously fumbled out of his mouth, and he shut his eyes tight when Ciel released a breathy moan so sexy his heart started to race the very second it hit his ears.

“I’m…I’m going home early GOODBYE!” The blond practically grew wings and soared over the counter, spooked right out of his wits as his shoes hit the floor, racing towards the exit.

When Finny heard the sudden thunk of bodies slapping down onto the floor he muffled his own ears with the palms of his hands and ran like crazy, bolting out of the shop with tears in his eyes, the door smacking hard as it opened and then whacked back shut.

“Waaagh I can’t take this anymore I’m dying a virgin!!”


Fic Rec Days!

Since this weekend is Fic Rec Days, here are a few of the stories I have read and enjoyed since wandering into the DA fandom sometime last spring! I do occasionally read things that aren’t Fenhawke, but…okay, it’s been a while since I read anything else, so that’s what this list will feature.

To keep this…manageable, I’m going to recommend one favorite work by each author on this list in full, with just the titles of other things I’ve liked by the same author.

Keep reading

A Defense of Tyrion’s ADWD Storyline, Part 2: Let Us Drink and Dream

(Part 1 here

The lights go up after gathering dust for over a decade, and the curtain opens on an empty stage, a yawning inner abyss:

He drank his way across the narrow sea. 

Hear that? That’s the sound of a gauntlet being thrown down. You have been warned. 

I think the delight so many of us took in earlier Tyrion chapters was rooted less in plot specifics than the sheer visceral rush of his POV’s consciousness-camera: it was just so absorbing to sit back and watch Tyrion think. I always loved how much Tyrion himself enjoyed his own thought-stream, finding fulfillment in keeping a running mental diary he’s generous enough to share with the readers. 

At the beginning of A Dance with Dragons, however, Tyrion sees his consciousness as a living nightmare, a cosmic error, a trauma-sponge he means to drown in alcohol. Tyrion used to be a florid, literate, Shakespearian sort of drunk; now he takes a devotedly, devastatingly self-negating approach to booze. He drinks to blot out his own POV, because having just killed Shae and Tywin after learning the truth about Tysha, he cannot bear his story any longer. 

The deconstruction at work here, then, isn’t aimed at abstract tropes, but the series itself. Feast and Dance reexamine the priorities, preconceptions, and primal peaks of the first three books with a critical eye, and for no character is that more true than Tyrion. In his chapters spent in the company of Magister Illyrio, this approach comes through most clearly in his dialogue. It’s still as self-consciously witty as it was before, but he’s no longer using it to cajole or control. It’s naught but a blunt sword and a fragile shield to him now, equal parts vindictiveness and vulnerability. 

The fat man looked down and smiled. “A drunken dwarf,” he said, in the Common Tongue of Westeros.

“A rotting sea cow.”

“How odd that you should mention your fair sister,” said Illyrio, between snails. “The queen has offered a lordship to the man who brings her your head, no matter how humble his birth.”

It was no more than Tyrion had expected. “If you mean to take her up on it, make her spread her legs for you as well. The best part of me for the best part of her, that’s a fair trade.”

Tyrion thought of Tysha. He glanced out at the fields where once the gods had walked. “What sort of gods make rats and plagues and dwarfs?”

“What do you say? North or south? Shall I atone for old sins or make some new ones?”

Keep reading