i just love her and basically everything she's ever done

la douleur exquise (1/1)

Summary: la douleur exquise - (n.) the heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable.

aka

The five times Kimberly doesn’t reciprocate Trini’s feelings.

Soulmates!Au, unrequited love, and friends with benefits in one oneshot.

Notes: So basically this started off with seeing “‘secretly we all love angst’ sentence starters” on tumblr but I couldn’t choose just one so I chose 5 and you’ll see them. Some jason/kim

Enjoy the angst!

READ @ Ao3


z e r o

‘kimberly.’

That was the name marked on Trini’s left wrist when she was born. Every person had a name on their wrist and this soulmate thing is basically set in stone and there’s nothing you can do to change it.

The world is cruel to brand wrists with a name of your soulmate at birth. It decides the future. There was no freedom to fall in love with anyone else in the world and let the universe just run its course and let your learn and live with mistakes, challenges, and accomplishments.

People have tried to defy the mark. They tattooed over the mark and had a different name tattooed, someone they currently loved, only to end in heartbreak when they find their soulmate.

Trini had met two people named Kimberly so far in her life.

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fics masterpost

updated as of 1 February 2016

i’ve written a lot of fics (i think) (sort of) so i decided to make a masterpost of them. i’ll make new ones in the future as i write even more, of course, but these are the fics i have now - hope you enjoy them! all my fics are tagged ‘fics’ on my blog if you want to find the full list if i haven’t updated this for a while xx


snowbaz fluff

  • hope - baz comforts simon in their kitchen at two in the morning
  • intoxicated - a very aggravated baz has to help a drunk simon back to the dorm
  • snow - disclaimer: i did not note the pun until five seconds ago. written for carryonsecretsanta​‘s advent calendar 2015, simon and baz and christmas and fluff etc
  • kiss for luck - au in which baz is sick (i know he can’t really be sick but protective simon is adorable)
  • honourary big brother - in which i spell ‘honourary’ with an u and autocorrect refuses to accept it. also in which simon stays over at the pitch mansion for christmas and meets mordelia. inspired by askmordeliagrimm​ and asksimonsnow​ because they’re lovely people
  • secrets, stars, and aero bars - the first carry on fic i actually wrote wrote (not the first one i finished and posted). basically in Fangirl Cath writes a snowbaz fic called that and an excerpt is included and i just wanted to see how and if i could expand that excerpt
  • midnight - new year’s fic. in which simon and baz dance around their apartment, because i wanted to write them dancing around their apartment. very very fluffy tbqh
  • come morning light - inspired by the lyrics: just close your eyes, the sun is going down. you’ll be all right; no one can hurt you now. come morning light, you and i’ll be safe and sound - taylor swift, safe and sound
  • movies - simon and baz and their movie-watching habits
  • it must be chemistry - potential future chaptered fic. maybe. in which i make a really good awful pun to myself in the title. normals au - simon and baz hate each other and then they get assigned to be partners for a project in chemistry class. (i never said i didn’t like a little bit of cliché here and there.)
  • distance makes the heart grow fonder -  baz is in america with his family and simon isn’t. phone calls and wishes and missing each other, basically
  • pure gold - a collection of AUs, because no matter the universe, simon and baz fall in love every single time.
  • practicetimes simon kissed baz
  • when the clock strikes twelve - another new year’s fic, because why not
  • natural - tiny fic. more like a paragraph tbh. first time baz tells simon “i love you.”
  • porcelain - tiny fic as well. baz comes home late and simon stays up to wait to see him
  • midterms - again, tiny fic i need to write longer fics i stg. au: simon and baz are normals, and friends. baz is still pining over simon, and simon remains oblivious. basically fifth year, but friends.
  • in pieces - simon’s parents argue. simon escapes to baz’s house when he can’t stand the yelling. it’s not exactly fluff but there’s no direct angst between simon and baz so i guess here it is (i really need to make more categories for this)
  • text - zero narration, only dialogue. simon can’t sleep and texts baz about it.
  • precious  - based off this quote from Fangirl: “Kissed. Cath loved that word. She used it sparingly in her fic, just because it felt so powerful. It felt like kissing to say it. Well done, English language.”
  • silhouette - more normal!au. basically the same au as midterms
  • content - tiny fluffy coffeeshop (ish) au
  • meet - simon and baz meet through playing pokemon go
  • eureka - based on the quote ‘everything is starting to make sense.’
  • mistletoe - written for carryonsecretsanta’s advent calendar 2017; simon and baz find themselves under the mistletoe


snowbaz angst

  • end in burning flames or paradise - my first ever fic (i nearly didn’t post it) (in which case i wouldn’t have this fic list right now) simon and baz fight and it gets really really bad
  • chapter 61 - my second ever fic. basically chapter 61 in simon’s pov
  • burn bright - alternately titled ‘i love parallels as well as natasha and baz together so i wrote this thing’
  • i wish - also written on a very bad night. it’s very short so the only thing i can say is angstaNGST ANGST kind of
  • all this driving is driving me crazy - i was feeling the feels on chapter 61 day 2015, so i wrote a thing. alternately titled ‘what baz said while they were driving that night’ - sort of AU because i didn’t follow the book word for word
  • beloved - a fic i wrote for sagemeryllisbanks as part of the carry on secret santa 2015. in which baz does the ‘i’m not good for you’ thing and everything collapses.
  • ages - accidents happen fast. one second, and that’s all they take.
  • the world is spinning - simon cries when he thinks baz is asleep and baz can’t comfort him until the night everything falls apart
  • have faith - a fic i wrote for the carry on secret valentine for queerkat-meerkat. in which simon doesn’t deal very well with the war (because i have convinced myself that there is no way he could have just bounced back that quickly from everything)
  • white noise - normal!au where baz, simon, agatha and penelope are on pretty good terms, but whereas baz still likes simon, simon likes agatha, and baz has to deal with his pining (this sounds really unappealing oops)
  • bitterness - bitter simon and bitter baz and hatred
  • glass - ‘what if simon didn’t deal that well with the mage’s murder’
  • half past five - very short, very mild angst. basically baz pining for simon
  • echo - tiny fic. simon and baz argue, possibly beyond repair
  • routine - tiny fic. the usual interaction between baz and simon in their dorm every day. baz sneers, simon growls, et cetera et cetera
  • fragments - “things you said when you were crying”, baz pov about simon
  • perspective - Once Cath had written what she thought was a love scene, and Wren had turned it into a sword fight. - Fangirl // a rewrite of text, with narration filling in the gaps between the dialogue to utterly change the interpretation of the situation
  • unsaid - baz texts simon and deletes drafts of messages he’ll never send
  • empty - simon can’t sleep
  • alone - baz lashes out with magic because he’s alone and angry and has nothing else to cling to
  • match - simon and agatha are perfect for each other and all baz can do is watch
  • weary - simon is too tired and broken to deal with anything
  • loss - simon deals with the loss of his magic


others

  • aurora - i wrote this on a really bad night and apparently people like it?? i wanted to explore agatha’s character a little bit, so this is kind of like her take on her life
  • scattered constellations - lucy’s watford era. i originally meant for it to be a chaptered fic but procrastination + school = almost no time so D: maybe at some point in the future though
  • aeroplanes - written for ask-emily-scott and ask-agatha-wellbelove based on a little au they did (basically they got into a fight and emily nearly migrated away from agatha and everyone who was there watching were freaking out)
  • amortentia - it’s not full angst, it’s just kind of sad and wistful. definitely not fluff though. hogwarts au which may (may) become a chaptered fic in the future?
  • hello - most of the time, my ships are canon, and i feel like if i ever read GTL’s Simon Snow series, i would probably be writing simon/agatha. this is my attempt at it. (also because i heard “i’m in california dreaming about who we used to be” and i went AGATHA)
  • quiet - penny and micah being the couple that is practically an old married couple already
  • ink splatters - davy is too absorbed in his work for much else
  • tyger, tyger, burning bright - the night natasha pitch died
  • worst wedding ever - based on a fic we-were-stars wrote, which was in turn based on the malec wedding in shadowhunters 1x12. this is agatha’s pov - hers focuses on simon and baz.
  • focus - agatha and her magic
  • prove - agatha, a year after she ran away
  • funerals - lucy’s, natasha’s, ebb’s and the mage’s
  • goodbye - penny and micah, the day micah has to return to america
  • pressure - simon’s feelings when the mage comes to his orphanage and tells him he’s a mage
  • courage - my take on the canon final battle in GTL’s simon snow series
  • guilt - agatha breaks up with simon, based on an excerpt from Fangirl (alternately titled falling out of love is a very painful thing)
  • fate - a fic about ebb because there will never be enough appreciation for ebb
  • beacon - ebb is one of the most powerful mages in the world, and the mage knows

fangirl (not including any stories based on carry on/simon snow excerpts)

  • blood, sweat, tears - cath expects too much from her writing
  • block - also counts as snowbaz fluff, although i didn’t originally intend for it to turn out that way. parallels wren being there for cath and baz being there for simon.


chaptered fics (i am so slow at updating though)

  • night lights: chapter one // chapter two - baz just moved into a new apartment and his kitchen window faces the kitchen window of the guy next door, and they both keep drinking coffee at ungodly hours of the morning.
  • burnt-out stars: one // two // three // four - hamilton inspired. the mage’s plans eventually lead to simon’s downfall, and lucy finds out
  • two roads: one // two - pre-snowbaz baz thinking about what would happened if simon and baz take hate over love and vice versa


mini fics (aka me getting all excited and adding unnecessary small fics to the ends of tumblr posts)

  • (x) penelope uses simon says every once in a while on simon and she and baz watch him do one silly spell before it’s all gone
  • (x‘which one of your otp is the one to die and which is the one to sit in the middle of the street, holding their dead body, rocking back and forth, screaming “come back, come back, come back”?’ ‘it could go both ways’ and then me and thepessimisticasshole got a little too obsessed
  • (x) asksimonsnow and askbasiltonpitch have had to name too many children on tumblr
  • (x) thepessimisticasshole accidentally got lotion in her hair and thought of “she’s got her hair pulled back in a giant frizzy ponytail that would probably be nice and wavy if she’d put any product in it at all. anything. hand lotion. shaving cream.” and i added on to that
  • (x) daphne making puns about baz’s name to get simon to eat basil when he stays over
  • (x) “hc that simon can’t go to bonfires or really be around fire in general anymore because the smell of smoke basically makes him relive christmas 2k15″ “wait what if baz smoked and tried to quit it for simon but simon found out on a bad day”
  • (x) inspired by that excerpt in Fangirl: “Shhh.” “I just-” “Hush.” “I worry-” “Don’t.” “But-” “Simon.” “Baz?” “Here.”

youresofancy  asked:

I've gotta say, I'm happy Lana is happy, but I miss the depressing tracks a bit. If she could mesh BTD/Paradise with the tiniest bit of Ultra (my least favorite record if I had to rank them) Lust would be gold. I just feel like she's going hard on the duets, when really she doesn't need all that extra. I mean, Love was so brilliant. The video. Everything. It sounded like her. And LFL sounds nothing like anything she's ever done. But in a bad way. Artists should grow, but I felt like it's basic.

She wouldn’t be doing what she’s doing if she didn’t want to do it, and she’d never stay in a contract where she didn’t have freedom. When it comes down to it, yes, the songs on her previous albums were lyrically stronger, but when she was writing those songs, and she’s said this herself, she wanted to make ‘mood music’. I think that contributed a lot even to things like word choice. She hasn’t lost the ability to write like that, or make music like that, and she hasn’t gone mainstream or become basic, she’s just not in the same place anymore. She doesn’t feel the need to maintain a persona anymore.

-C