i just love dorian so much okay

SJM Accent Challenge: The best of

I love this challenge so much! So I thought I’d share some hilarious lines/great moments from some of the ones I’ve heard so far. I’m sorry if you’re not on the list! There were some I forgot, or looked for and couldn’t find. And there are so many I haven’t listened to yet!

If you heard a line that was funny to you that wasn’t on this list please feel free to reblog and add it!

@feysandsmut

  • (epic entrance) “We’re live.”
  • “I love doing weird shit like this.”
  • “Chaol Westfall, Yrene Towers, Nehemiah—what the hell is that?
  • “Oh, that’s not a ghost that’s my dog.”

@itach-i

  • “Abraxos is hugs in Spanish”
  • “I don’t know the context of destroyed… anything manorian.”
  • “I would die for manorian.”

@rufousnmacska

@paperbacktrash

  • “My favorite ship is definitely Nessian, but I wouldn’t say no to myself and that magical cabin.” (Little does she know, she’d have to fight @rufousnmacska )
  • “I’m not saying that he’s terrible he’s just super moody and I just want to slap him.”

Keep reading

JDox headcanon cause I ship it so much.

Okay imagine: JD and Perry getting married and hyphenating their last names, so when new interns start at the hospital they have no idea, and half of them are convinced Dr. Dorian-Cox is the nicest man they’ve ever met and half of them think he’s just the biggest jerk in the hostpital.

All the older staff love backing up different sides when the newbies ask them what they think of Dr. Dorian-Cox, and faking arguing with each other to back up the newbies and then laughing their asses off when both JD and Perry finally show up in the same room, and just watching realization dawn on their faces.

satans-armchair replied to your post“I looove Chaol and I agree he gets a shit ton of hate for no reason!…”

I think it’s vital that there’s a character that needs to grow to accept. It shows that not everyone is born accepting and it gives Chaol the massive opportunity for character development. Even if he doesn’t fully accept Aelin, he loved her and she will always have a space in his heart whether he comes to terms with what she is. I kinda don’t want it to be just “Chaol understands Aelin is okay and accepts her” I want it more steady and slow and meaningful if you get me?

I don’t understand why he gets so much hate either :/ I didn’t really like him because DORIAN but he is such a cool character and I want to know more about where he’s from and his family and his relationship with everyone he’s such a good man to his guards

Okay, okay I agree, I do, I really do but like…okay this is a point I’ve been wanting to make for a while so bear with me (I’m not going to get involved in the discourse Lauren said, Lauren lied) but Chaol is not the only one who has to change and grow with regards to his feelings towards fae and magic?  

Aelin reflects in ToG that it’s maybe for the best that her magic/magic in general is gone. Pretty much her entire arc in HoF revolves around HER not being able to accept that part of herself. That’s one of the biggest reasons she can’t shift/fully access her power - she’s afraid of it; which is natural after all the propaganda she’s been exposed to? 

Dorian too is terrified of his power because of what he’s been told/taught/the society they live in. He spends a huge amount of time fighting it, trying to control it, terrified of it. It takes them both a long time to accept their magic and themselves and they both spend pretty much an entire book coming to terms with it? 

Chaol has to figure out the same things too except he doesn’t have the benefit of actually possessing magic himself? He has no firsthand experience with it but he still spends all of HoF helping…both Aelin and Dorian deal with their magic? He helps Dorian in trying to find a way to free it/hide him better…and he ensures that Aelin can get to Wendelyn where she’ll be safe/won’t be executed if she’s caught because of what she is. 

I also think…and idk I don’t know if anyone else reads it this way so maybe i’m way off the mark but I think people misunderstand Chaol’s reactions towards Aelin in QoS? It is not just because of her magic/her fae heritage (he accepts Dorian’s magic, he accepts Aedion, and he works well with Rowan too) the problem is not what she is/that she has these things…it’s what she does with them. 

Like, okay, picture things from Chaol’s POV for a second? We as readers know exactly what happened in Wendelyn, we know Maeve is a piece of work and we know that Aelin didn’t actually hurt anyone. We see things from her POV, we are quite literally inside her head. Chaol is across the sea, all Chaol hears is that the queen of Terrasen decided to encircle an entire city with her fire magic…and that’s an entire city of her people, fae, people like her. He’s sitting in Adarlan at this point, suffering from PTSD after what’s happened to him, Dorian is enslaved and suffering and Chaol blames himself entirely for that and then he hears this. and he’s sitting in a kingdom that he knows full well what it’s done to Aelin and her kingdom and he justifiably gets a little bit worried that she might turn that power on his people, his kingdom, his king. (who…she spends…a very large portion of QoS………trying to kill. 

I feel like we forget this/don’t discuss it…and actually I’d like it discussed a hell of a lot more in the books as well, Aelin was flat out ready to kill Dorian. She refused to listen to Chaol. She refused to try. She was just like nope, I know best, he’s got to die, I’ve got to kill him. And I understand exactly where she’s coming from with her experiences but the fact of the matter is she was wrong. The point here is that there’s a lot of things going on perspective wise. Chaol is correct given the information that he has; Aelin is correct given the information that she has and this is why they clash because they can’t see past this, they both have solid, logical reasons that they’re right and they don’t understand things from the other person’s POV and neither does the fandom. This generates Problems. 

So I don’t actually think that Chaol clashing with Aelin in QoS has anything to do with prejudices towards magic users. At this point in the story the man is actively working as a leader of a literal rebellion inside the city. He has been working for weeks at this point repeatedly risking his life over and over again to help magic users. And he does this throughout the book. He doesn’t have a magician problem he has an Aelin problem…And it’s a reasonable one as far as I’m concerned. (I’m not saying Aelin is unreasonable but I’m saying that I understand both sides. And there is genuine merit to both sides. And fandom makes this look so much easier than it actually is) 

Chaol is, essentially I think, a good man. And what’s most poignant and interesting for me is that he is an incredibly human character. I mean that in the sense of him being..well literally human when there are all these fae and magic users running around but I also mean in his reactions, in his humanity itself. Chaol has always been, I think, what should have been one of the strongest voices for a reader/every day person to relate to? 

Chaol, for me, presents a really interesting kind of trope subversion actually? Because he’s presented to us as this big, capable guy, very disciplined, an excellent warrior, an elite guard with a position that carries a huge amount of responsibility despite being at a young age. He’s aloof, he’s very loyal, very duty orientated, very serious and sensible.

 But he’s also incredibly moral (I think a lot of these characters are presented to us as emotionless and unfeeling robots who just kill and do as they’re told etc and Chaol undermines that trope and that kind of toxic masculinity incredibly well) And this doesn’t show itself only in him looking down on other characters but he holds himself to those standards as well. Until the end of ToG Chaol had never killed another person before. And the way that he reacts to that is actually…incredibly human? He’s in shock. He seems to display a lot of the symptoms of PTSD in CoM (he stops wearing his sword, he struggles with the idea of him taking a life- even though it was in self-defence, even though he would do it again, even though he knows it was right- it still breaks something in him. He has nightmares about this, he reacts to it in short and it’s an incredibly visceral, empathetic, human reaction which is not something we’re used to seeing from characters like Chaol. 

He shows an incredibly strong incredibly human and incredibly down to earth reaction to violence. Like, I’m pretty sure if I stabbed someone and got covered in their blood and they died as a direct result of this I’d be pretty not okay with that.  And this is what I mean what I say that Chaol is a pretty good reader voice in these books? Because this is…realistically…how I and how I think most people would react to this sort of thing? He isn’t emotionless. He isn’t invincible. He struggles with these things and that’s human and it’s compelling and it’s interesting because we don’t get to see it. 

Usually protagonists just sail through this stuff. They have no qualms, they have no morals, it’s all about ‘whatever you have to do to get the job done’, they kill and torture and hurt people and it has no effect on them whatsoever because they’re Tough and Strong and capable of dealing with all of this. But people, you, me, Chaol, aren’t made that way. Killing bothers us, violence bothers us, we’re emotional beings and this is in our nature and Chaol reflects that nature incredibly well? 

He’s flawed, yes. He has a lot of prejudices that he has to work to unlearn but he’s more than that. He’s not just a lesson for ‘sometimes you think bad things and have you fix yourself’ he’s also a very compelling, very broken character in a lot of ways. 

I can make a pretty reasonable case for Chaol’s position in the castle being the way in which he escaped from an abusive household (the way that his father talks to him and treats him and emotionally manipulates him is not normal. Nor is the way that he talks about his mother. And repeatedly Chaol not being with his father is referred to as him having ‘freedom’ and giving up that freedom for Aelin’s sake. But it’s freedom. People with happy, healthy relationships with their parents don’t tend to think of being on their own and without them as freedom in the stark terms that Chaol does) 

And when you consider his story with that context..it makes a lot more sense. Chaol (a lot like Lucien’s position in ACOTAR at the Spring Court) doesn’t have anywhere else to go and he doesn’t have anything that isn’t this position. He’s dedicated his life to this because it was a place where he mattered, where he seemed to be treated well, where he was doing something that he wanted to do and that’s a huge thing to do if he’s leaving an abusive situation- the strength to step out and actually do something that is fully his choice, to claim his independence and know that if he fails, if this backfires, if he loses this, he’s screwed. He has to go back. And that’s a terrifying prospect for anyone in Chaol’s situation.  

So he clings to this and it’s not just blind loyalty, not after a certain point. I think it was when he was younger but he crosses a line. And it’s not just loyalty to the king or a corrupt regime it’s loyalty to Dorian - the first person who likely treated him fairly and with genuine love and compassion. It’s loyalty to the only thing that he has, quite literally, something that he’s given up everything for, something that he very seriously risked his freedom to attain and losing it is…not an inviting idea. 

So by the time you swing round to QoS Chaol has basically lost…Quite literally everything. His position, his honour, his king, his humanity. He’s thrust into this war, becomes a rebel leader, is trying to do what he can for people while shouldering massive amounts of survivor’s guilt and PTSD over the things that he’s been through. And he just..keeps going. And going and going and going in trying to do the right thing whatever that may be.

 I think that has always been Chaol’s driving force. I think it’s taken the guise of various different things, duty, loyalty, respect etc but it’s always been about that, it’s always been about trying to do what’s right. And before that was being loyal, it was keeping his word, it was doing his job to the very best of his ability. But it slowly becomes other things. It becomes fighting what he once defended, it becomes questioning everything that ever gave him a shred of safety and stability. It becomes taking on a war and a responsibility that is so much larger than he ever thought he would or could deal with and carrying it anyway because it’s the right thing to do. 

And that for me is Chaol and Chaol’s arc in a nutshell and I….Like that a lot. I like that we have someone who is presented to us as being so, damn human. Moral and breakable and flawed and scared and hurt by the things that he’s done and the things that he’s seen. But he embodies one of the things we so often see with deeply human characters - that perseverance, that will to survive, to go on, to just keep fighting, just keep living, just keep going because that’s what people do, that’s what Chaol does and it’s just…idk dude I like this character a lot idk what else to tell you. 

4

OKAY. When I first started reading this, I thought, “YEAH BUT CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW FUCKING FANTASTIC Manon realizing Dorian—someone who is not duty bound to her—loves her?! HOLY CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT MOMENT!” But then you brought up Manon not being an annoying “damsel” of a pregnant lady and my brain shifted to, “CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW SHE’D TRY TO HIDE MOOD SWINGS?! THE EXCUSES SHE’D COME UP WITH TO LEAVE THE ROOM TO GO CRY FOR NO REASON?!” She would be hilarious and HEARTBREAKING, okay?!

Manon: (internally thinking “I just love Abraxos so much I could cry…oh shit I AM gonna cry!” She gets up to go hide.)
Dorian: “Witchling, where are you going?”
Manon: “Nowhere. Leave me alone.”
Dorian: (internally: “like hell” follows her.)
Manon: (crying) “WTF is wrong with me?! I’m embarrassing myself and I’m alone…but… Abraxos was my first baby” 😭😭😭
Dorian: “Manon? What’s wrong? Why are you crying?!”
Manon: (iron out) “WTF DORIAN?! I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE!”
Dorian: (internally “yikes. She’s never pulled the iron out for me before…”) “I was worried about you—”
Manon: “You were?!” (Tears up again)
Dorian: (internally: “hormones. This has to be hormones.”) “of course I was. Why are you crying?”
Manon: (UGLY CRIES) “I don’t knoooooow.” 😭😭😭
Dorian: (hugs her) “awe, witchling. It’s okay. Everything is okay.”
Manon: “I just love Abraxos so much, and I don’t want him to think I’m replacing him and then you said you were worried about me and oh my god ive never cried before in my life what’s wrong with me are you mad?”
Dorian: (smiles) “I could never be mad at you, witchling. I love you (Manon sobs harder). Abraxos won’t feel like he’s being replaced.”
Manon: “DID YOU ASK HIM?!”
Dorian: (internally: “WHERE THE FUCK IS ASTERIN WHEN YOU NEED HER?!”) “No, I didn’t ask him, witchling. Would you like to go see him? We can ask him together? Would that make you feel better?”
Manon: (sniffles) “…okay.”

anonymous asked:

Quick question! If someone wanted to start a similar style blog to this one but with a different DA character (specifically Dorian), would you be okay with that? This blog inspires me and I really love the idea of drawn ask responses, but I'd never want to make things uncomfortable if you felt that was walking too close to copying or stealing. Thanks so much for a response and keep up the awesome work because his blog is a gift!

There are many other blogs made by artists who respond to questions via drawings, specially of characters from movies and video games, so it’s not just me. What makes each of those blogs special is the artist’s own style and personal kind of humor. I don’t think anyone will think you’re copying me (or someone else) as long as you keep your blog refreshing and with its own unique style (and if possible, a different character that’s not being used, but of course you mentioned it’s Dorian so this is unnecessary info). It’s easy to know when someone’s stealing ideas, trust me, so I think you’re good.

On a side note, I guess you already know this but I‘m not in a position where I’ll stop using Dorian on my own blog despite this, albeit sporadically… I still have Inquizzition Saturdays and he’ll be there to answer questions during those days. And just in general if I feel like any other DA character receives an interesting enough question, even if this blog is mainly focused on Solas. 

I say go ahead and try it, have fun with it, and I wish you luck! I look forward to seeing you around! <3

-Red 

anonymous asked:

Hi this is that one anon and I just don’t really see the chemistry between manorian (I’m SoRrY) and I still think Manon has a thing for Elide(but I ship elorcan so much it’s weird)

RIght??? I feel that. Like, I’m all for Manorian and Elorcan. BUT, if Manon and Elide ended up together…..I wouldn’t be mad about it??? But then who would Lorcan and Dorian end up with? Each other? DORIAN NEEDS TO BE LOVED OKAY.

anonymous asked:

yo do you have any ~~receipts~~ for sjm being homophobic? i agree, but i can't think of any particular instances ??

i wish i was some world class receipt collector with twitter screenshots ready to be whipped out at any given moment but im just a hoe that complains about stuff and I don’t have really anything on Sarah being homophobic outside of her writing. 

the best specific case out of book context I can think of was when someone on tumblr said they went to an SJM signing dressed as Manon and Sarah asked her questions about Manon including Manon+Dorian and when the fan brought up Manon+Elide she said Sarah stopped signing her book for a moment and just shook her head (I don’t have a link to the post that i can find atm but it was in the dorian havilliard tag a couple of weeks ago) other than that I’ve never personally heard or seen Sarah saying anything particularly homophobic but I don’t follow her on any social media and from what I’ve seen her twitter is just fangirling over Rowan Whitethorn so when does she have time to really expose herself ya know?

HOWEVER here’s some tog homophobic-heavy writing. I’m not saying Sarah is consciously homophobic, I’m sure she’s not, but she very obviously has a strong white feminism mindset and is not very educated on diversity and representation in general. so here is a condensed list of the SJM’s push to glorify the Heterosexual agenda (under a cut because I unsurprisingly got carried away in dragging this series once again)

Keep reading

6

KICKS DOWN THE FRONT DOOR I HEARD IT WAS BLACKWALL FRIENDSHIP APPRECIATION DAY

Sera: This is probably hands down my favorite friendship in the game??? They get along so well like they can just let loose and make silly lewd jokes together and I love how they get each other so much since they’re both from kind of shitty backgrounds and IT’S JUST THE BEST okay?? Sera’s probably one of the only people he can be genuine around when he’s still trying to be Blackwall and like ;_; their friendship is so important

Varric: I love these ridiculous grownass men losing their shit over jousting. I also think it’s super interesting that Varric likes Blackwall more once his secret comes out???? I also fucking love how he calls him Hero all the time and how low key annoyed Blackwall is by that nickname.

Dorian: LMAO well Dorian appreciates Blackwall in his own way… which involves a lot of soap. I love seeing their initially testy relationship grow into genuine caring!

Iron Bull: They punch things together and tbh I feel like Bull can understand where Thom Rainier was coming from idk

Cassandra: DO NOT EVEN TOUCH ME IF BIOWARE DOES NOT FIX THIS BROKEN FRIENDSHIP I WILL BE SO UPSET

Cole: I love that throughout the banters you can see Blackwall warming up to Cole even though initially he’s really wary and unsettled by him!!! I imagine Cole trying very hard to help him post-judgment and it warms the cockles of my heart

Blackwall deserves love and friendship!!!!! slowly… kisses this game….

okay, so I know I’ve been talking a lot lately about Jasper Trevelyan since I made him, but that’s because I just love him so much and since this is my first time romancing Dorian, i’m having lots of feels about the two of them but ANYWAY

this post is an excuse for me to talk about cute/dorky/silly things that Jaz and Dorian would totally do with each other

  • Jaz is totally the type of boyfriend who would walk up to Dorian and be like “hey babe can you hold this for a minute?” and then give him his hand
  • In bed at the asscrack of dawn: “babe. babe. babe, wake up it’s important” “*tired sigh* what, amatus?” “do you think that nugs are aware of how weird they look?” “…andraste’s tits, jasper, go the fuck back to sleep”
  • *both of them laughing hysterically and throwing things over the railing to see if they can hit solas in the head*
  • staring contests. that’s all i’m gonna say
  • Jaz manages to talk Dorian into joining in on his habit of climbing trees and throwing things at people and then trying not to laugh so they don’t get caught and yelled at, and then they also start doing it from up on the ramparts
  • they get in the bath together and they’re both like “sweet maker yes sexy time in the bath” and instead they just end up splashing each other and throwing bubbles back and forth (as much as you CAN throw bath bubbles, anyway) and trying not to get soap in their eyes while they mess around and laughing and being just as dorky as always except this time they’re covered in bubbles and their hair is dripping water in their eyes
  • Jaz never actually got around to coming out to his family before he went to the Conclave because he was trying to figure out how, so when his parents send someone over to Skyhold to tell him that they’re going to marry him off to some girl, he’s like “uh-huh, yeah, interesting, uh, HEY, DORIAN, COULD YOU COME HERE FOR A MINUTE?” and Dorian comes over and is like “yeah?” except before he can even finish the word, Jaz grabs him and starts making out with him with tongue and everything and then when he’s done with that, he turns to the (very shocked and scandalized) guy his parents sent and is just like “alright, first of all, mom and dad should be aware that i’m hella gay, so jot that down” (Varric and Sera are totally in the background watching it go down and laughing their asses off)
  • One side of Jaz’s upper lip is a little higher up than the other, so it’s kind of lopsided, and he’s always been kind of self-conscious about it, and he kind of briefly mentions it one morning while he’s looking in the mirror like brushing his hair or something, and Dorian is automatically like “stop it, amatus, your lips are perfect just like the rest of you” and then from that moment forward, basically every single time they kiss, he makes it a point to tell Jaz how much he loves his lips
Anyway, yeah, my point here is that Jaz is a huge dork by himself, but then he started dating Dorian and turned into an even bigger one and I’m already having almost as much feels about them as I do about Cullen and Kala goodbye i’m dead

i was tagged by @somniar to list my favorite characters from 10 different fandoms!! i’m getting to this so late because i’ve been out of town at competitions 😅

mass effect - garrus vakarian

dragon age - that’s a tie between fenris/dorian i can’t pick i love my boys too much

the witcher - yennefer

star wars - anakin skywalker

star trek (voyager) - seven of nine

voltron - keith kogane

steven universe - pearl

x files - dana scully

marvel - steve rogers

fairy tail - gray fullbuster


okay this was actually so rude how can you expect me to just pick one character honestly. i tag @nevertrustamage @shayni-may @wolves31 @shannaraisles @sneakyywitchthief @inquisitorsmabari @inquisitorr

anonymous asked:

ok I still can't stop thinking about Dorian and just how important he is (in general and to me). His weariness of how he acts around other men, his surprise to finding out he isn't just a fling but real reciprocating feelings and his growth to finally saying he loves his Amatus; the fact he ever used that word for another man took so much courage. Dorian, through everything he's been through, finally can learn what true love is. Not just something in stories but a real feeling to share, to have.

Tbh I’m just? So glad he exists? And I’m so glad you and so many others finally have this character to relate to in such a deeply personal way. I think that’s why I write so much pointless fluff? I just– need to see him happy, I need to know he can go through all of that and still find love and happiness. And I know a lot of people could use that kind of hope. He is such a deep and interesting character and it’s inspirational seeing the change he goes through, how much he grows

6

Guess whose still not over @cyber-fairie kid chargers? That’s right, me. Especially since there’s two more stories with them and I cannot handle how cute and wonderful the stories are. They Chargers such little troublemakers and absolute sweathearts, and Bull and Dorian as dads, I just don’t know what to do okay?! These were done over the course of a few weeks between everything else. I have a few more with the other companions I still want to finish. I love these stories so much. They’re some of my favorite kid fics and they just make me smile.

Kid Chargers fics : 1, 2, 3

Other kid Chargers art: 1

Little bit of rambling under the cut for some of the pictures because I put way to much thought into even tiny doodles.

Keep reading

So, Dorian calling the Inquisitor “amatus” is something I’ve thought about a lot and it kind of kills me because he never explains it. The other terms of endearment have a certain level of understanding attached to them. Lavellan can be expected to know just what Solas is saying when he calls her “vhenan.” Bull explains what Kadan means. The same cannot be said of amatus.

Considering how reviled Tevinter is, I’ll assume Tevene isn’t a widely understood language outside of academic circles in the rest of Thedas. I don’t see any reason why Cadash, Lavellan, or Adaar would understand it off the top of their heads. Non-mage Trevelyan might know some Tevene, given their noble upbringing and education. Mage Trevelyan has the best chance with both a Circle education and a probable need to study Tevinter tomes to learn certain magic or history. But even then, there’s no reason they would necessarily know a word like amatus. So all in all, the Inquisitor doesn’t seem to have great odds of understanding what Dorian is saying at first.

Dorian is probably betting on that. It’s a safe way for him to say he loves the Inquisitor without giving too much away. It’s protection for himself as much as it’s an expression of affection. The Inquisitor would learn eventually, of course, just as he would learn to understand the double meaning behind so much of what Dorian says (or leaves unsaid). But Dorian gets a buffer. He gets a safety net so that, just maybe, by the time the Inquisitor understands what Dorian is saying, Dorian can be sure that they’ve both fallen together.

cillian trevelyan & dorian pavus doin’ what they do best: being adorable nerdy boyfriends

my fave drew my fave gay mage sons (and carrick!) and tbh i basically haven’t stopped yelling about this since i saw the wip. thank you so, so, so much @pfaerie! i knew i was going to love your take on them. i didn’t know i was going to be this head over heels for it! 

okay to reblog, pls don’t use as it was a commission and if you remove the credit i can promise you an excruciatingly slow death. i WILL find you and it will not be pretty.
This is a very long review of Queen of Shadows

*spoiler alert*

If Jeff Davis, Julie Plec, and E.L. James wrote a book together, it would still be better than Queen of Fanfiction. I’ve ranted on my blog about parts of the book that I had read but now that I have the full story… I’m beyond disappointed. Let me give you some background. I LOOOOOOVED Throne of Glass, I liked Crown of Midnight less because I felt like Chaol was acting very out of character and Celaena/Aelin was being a total bitch to Dorian for no reason, and I liked Heir of Fire for the most part, except the Manon scenes, how Dorian was pushed to the sidelines, and how Sorscha, yet another WoC, was brought in and killed off for the sole purpose of furthering the development of a white character. But this book was… there were only two slightly redeeming things about this. 

1) Chaol fucking Westfall. It’s no secret that I’ve basically hated him since CoM, since I felt he was too different from how he was in ToG, but this book made me love him all over again, which is the opposite of what SJM was going for when she wrote his scenes with Aelin. She was trying to make us hate him because he was being rude to Aelin when in fact, everything he was saying to her made sense. I’ll touch more on this later. Also, he’s the only character who is constantly focused on saving Dorian (y’know, the only person suited to rule Adarlan who they should be a lot more concerned with saving)

2) The Doraelin reunion. You guys know I am a hardcore Doraelin shipper (I invented the ship name for crying out loud!) so when Dorian (the real one) and Aelin found each other again, it was just beautiful. SJM’s prose was great, the way they clashed and fought together and the way it was described was just AMAZING. If only the rest of the book had been this good. 

Since this book’s problems all stem from Rowboat Wifebeater, we’re going to start with him. I skipped almost all of the Rowboat scenes but what I DID read… I can’t believe someone thought it was a good idea to publish this book. In Heir of Fire, Rowboat BEAT AELIN’S ASS. And it wasn’t just when they were training (which would be understandable), it’s when she says something rude and he PUNCHES her. He tells her that the world would be better if she were dead? This is not acceptable. This is abuse. As long as they were friends, it was still bad, but it’s not as bad as telling young readers “if you piss a boy off and he punches you and tells you life would be better with you dead, then you should date him!” I get that this book is really just SJM playing out her creepy obsession with Rowboat by self-inserting herself into this romance he has with Aelin, but it’s still fucking disgusting. And can we just talk about Rowboat wanting to fuck a girl who he is FIFTEEN times older than? I mean, WHAT???? What about Rowboat’s character makes you think that readers are going to agree with him wanting to be with a bratty, self centered, arrogant 19 year old? But one of the major problems with this Rowboat shit (besides the physical and emotional abuse) is that SJM completely fucks up Aelin’s character to make her relationship with Rowboat make more sense. I mean, in HoF, Aelin supposedly got over what happened with Chaol and Nehemia but now she’s still bitching at him for things he HAD NO CONTROL OVER? For example, she is angry because he left Dorian when logic says that he left to get help and if he’d stayed in the castle, they’d’ve BOTH died! But nooooooooooooo. We have to make Aelin literally HATE him so that she can be with Rowboat. You don’t completely rewrite your heroine just to justify a ship. That’s just bad writing. Aedion and Chaol, for some reason, think Rowan is some hot, legendary, amazing guy. I shit you not, when Chaol meets him, he thinks “he’s really hot”. And Aedion idolizes him? What about Aedion’s character is going to make you think that he will idolize anyone other than Aelin??? Then there’s a scene where Chaol calls Aelin a monster for being an assassin and fae, just so later on Aelin can go cry on Rowboat’s abs and have a heartfelt moment with him and it can seem like Rowboat is the only man for her since he’s the only one who “accepts her” but this is total bullshit because 

1) Dorian has ALWAYS accepted her

2) Chaol told her in Crown of Midnight that he doesn’t care if she’s fae or an assassin, he still loves her

But why stay consistent with your own writing when you can go write about Rowboat getting hot and bothered whenever he looks at Aelin? 

And there’s Aelin saying she’s not going to tattoo another dead loved one’s name on her back but she’s hell bent on killing Dorian and we know she loves him so????????????????????? 

Poor Chaol. I don’t even know where to begin with how poorly SJM screwed him up in this book. It’s like when she was reviewing her character notes for this book, she just looked at previous books and said “Chaol is Dorian’s best friend, okay!” and went from there. She claims that 3 years ago (before Throne of Glass takes place) he was in a sexual relationship with a girl named Nesryn. Chaol, who in ToG, was the most awkward person ever when he so much talked to a girl, was in a strictly sexual relationship with someone? Really? REALLY? And then, when you think things can’t get any worse, SJM goes and proves you wrong by PARALYZING him. And then having him leave Dorian at the castle at a time when his crown is most vulnerable so he can go get healed? This does not make a lick of sense. So he and Nesryn are going to some plot device city to heal Chaol of his current plot device by getting another plot device and then making all those people in that city like Chaol so they want to help Aelin do whatever the hell she’s gonna be doing for the next two books. 

I can’t talk about Chaol anymore, I’m just getting mad. 

Obviously we have to talk about the best character in this entire series who is literally possessed for 90% of the book: Dorian. The only point of making him the Valg was to give Aelin a rescue mission and to get rid of him for most of the book because SJM has no idea what to do with him when he’s not relevant to Aelin. There are disgusting scenes where Valg!Dorian flirts with Manon and I am 100% serious, I literally felt bile in my throat reading this. What else dumb shit happens? Aelin gets mad at Chaol because he never killed the King despite working for him as if she didn’t do the same thing. Aelin gets mad at Chaol for asking why she didn’t come back with an army, because in Aelin logic, you don’t need an army to overthrow a king. It’s like this book wants you to hate Chaol SO much that it goes against all logic and what’s been said in previous books to justify it. There’s a “twist” that a Valg has been controlling the King this entire time, which, okay fine. This gives the King an out for being such an asshole. But it takes away a lot of Dorian’s backstory. He’s no longer a person who rose up and defeated his abusive father, he’s someone who just killed a demon. This Valg thing doesn’t make any sense to me because when you become the Valg, everyone who knows you will be able to tell that something’s wrong so WHY didn’t Queen Georgina realize that her husband became evil overnight? 

I just… this is just me skimming the surface of what’s wrong with this book. This book is written like horrible fanfiction. OOC characters so a ship can happen? Check! Injuring other love interests so a ship can happen? Check! Going completely against canon for a ship to happen? Check! Having characters hate each other so a ship can happen? Check! Tearing other characters down so you can build up another character? Check! Contradicting the books? Check!

Queen of Fanfiction is EASILY the worst book in the series, as well as being one of the worst books I’ve ever read in my life (it’s in the bottom 3). It’s boring, the characters are all over the place, everything is written to benefit Rowboat Wifebeater, major characters are sidelined for Rowboat, Aelin is unrecognizable and is just here so SJM can insert herself into the role. Chaol gets completely fucked over, Dorian is reduced to being a plot device, the Manon chapters are still less fun than watching paint dry. There are plot holes so big you can drive a truck through them, the book contradicts things in the past 3 books, it promotes and romanticizes abuse and pedophilia. This book is not just bad, no. Bad books are ones you can at least laugh at (like Twilight and 50 Shades). Bad books are the ones that you can move past and look back at like “yeah that was awful but oh well”. Queen of Fanfiction is a disappointing hot mess that should have never been published and is an insult to readers of this series. This book is not dog shit. This book is bird shit on top of cat shit on top of dog shit, mixed with mold, sweaty socks that haven’t been washed in 8 years, and an Iggy Azalea album playing on a loop.