i just look in the mirror and feel it

anonymous asked:

makeup made me sooo much more comfortable with myself & my face & I wear wear a full face everyday. I used to hate how I looked so I would rarely look in the mirror & since with makeup you're forced to look at yourself I just became more comfortable with my face. Since I actually felt pretty with makeup on it helped me still feel that feeling even when I wasn't wearing it. Bc I was like... If I'm pretty with it on & it doesn't change the way I look that much, why am I not pretty without it??

this is how i feel i used to cringe looking at my face and now i can look at myself and know exactly what makes me cute ya know

I feel like I don’t have any idea what I actually look like. I look at myself in a mirror every single day and each day I look really different and I don’t have a clear image of what my body actually looks like or what my face actually looks like and I have super conflicting feelings about my image. One day I’ll see myself and be perfectly content with my face and my body and then the next I’ll just feel so disgusted by what I see and I’m like “is that really me? There’s no way that that’s what I actually look like.” And some days I feel like I look really big while other days I feel like I look smaller, like I legitimately have no idea how much bigger or smaller my body actually is compared to how I see it. I hate it so much!! And I have no idea what to do!!!


I feel so much better today and ready to keep working towards my goals. February has been my worst month eating and exercising wise but I’m gonna keep going. My goal for the end of this month was to hit 230 and I honestly don’t think I hit it. I haven’t weighed myself yet (which I’m not gonna do until Monday, changing my weigh in days.). In fact, I think I’ve gained weight. But that’s not gonna upset me. I feel so motivated today!

I’ve learned things about myself too.
1. STAY AWAY FROM ALL KINDS OF CHOCOLATE. Seriously. I have an addiction. I can finish 100 bars of chocolate in one sitting if you let me. No chocolate cake, no chocolate bars, no chocolate cereal, NOTHING.

2. I’ve got to STOP LOOKING IN THE MIRROR EVERYDAY. It just demotivates me and makes me want to give up. Like the anon said, I should just focus on losing the weight.

3. I need to stop comparing myself to other girls. This is at the gym, in lectures, my friends, EVERYONE. We are not the same and we aren’t at the same level in life. We aren’t the same people.

4. I’ve binged eaten over the past few days. I need to get over it and get back into my routine. I’m still Intermittent Fasting but now I have to stick to it. I also need to forgive myself for bingeing. People who have lost weight didn’t start off perfectly. I’ve read people’s success stories and most of them said they had a hard time the first couple of months. It’s not even been 2 months for me. I just have to keep going.

5. I also have to realise that reaching 160 by my birthday on the 4th of July is not a realistic goal. It’s possible and would be amazing if I did but I don’t think I will. So I’ve moved it to September 1st. I know we shouldn’t have goal dates, it’s a lifestyle etc but I’d still like to reach my goal weight/goal body before starting the second year of college. Wear all the cute outfits I want to in university 😩.

So yeah that’s basically it. I’m writing this from the gym so ✌🏾

princesssarcsticnerd  asked:

Kms, I just got on this one blog and everyone on it is saying Calum got ugly and I'm like.. :-\ if you really want the definition of ugly, take a good long look in the mirror. Idk, I'm usually a faithful mashton girl but Michael been effy lately with this "Mystal drama" and I had just read a good smut about Calum and now I'm all in my Calum feels 😏😍

Calum looks the same he just has a hair cut I think ppl need to find their chill God damn

anonymous asked:

hey! Just a wee prompt idea if you're feeling it: David threatens Regina (in the typical dad way) when he discovers that she is dating Emma but he is really harsh and makes Regina cry but Emma comforts her :)

Hello! Sorry for the delay, these past few days I haven’t been feeling ready to write but I’m back at it ;) Thanks for the prompt I hope you like the intake!

Looking at herself in the mirror Regina blinked, not really knowing what to do with the trails her tears had left over her face, her mascara halfway ruined as she rose her right hand, magic already glowing on the tips of her fingers as she sighed and closed her eyes to her reflection. David’s words echoed on her mind as she let her power clear her face once again, just the smallest line of red rimming her eyes left behind once she looked at herself again.

When David had entered in her office she had smiled at him, accustomed by now to his presence after so many years working and fighting together. The Charming prince, albeit dense as she still usually liked to call him from time to time, had become a powerful ally, a friend perhaps, maybe even one member of what she considered family and someone she knew she could confide on. Something she truly found difficult to do. Or did.

However, the man, instead his usual distended demeanor had seemed tense and awkward as he had stood in front of her desk while chewing his nails for over half a minute before Regina, raising a brow and stating that she had several other meetings she needed to attend, had asked him what was wrong. His answer, mulled for how it sounded strangely rehearsed, floated towards her in the same second.

“I want to talk to you about Emma.”

The sentence had been done in such a way that it hadn’t left Regina any room to try to pry herself off the man’s gaze and so she had stood and walked towards the decanter she kept ready just in case before preparing herself a drink.

“What do you want to ask?” She had simply stated, remembering just in time to offer the man a drink of his own only for him to let her known how he preferred not to.

He had been soft at first, nervous perhaps. Even if Regina had learnt to confide in him neither he or she had truly talked for long periods of time, neither of them liking the act of small talk interesting enough. Regina had played with the rim of the glass, pressing her thumbs against it as she had seated again, looking at the prince earnestly until he had sat in front of her, hands now crossed, fingers interlacing, as he bent slightly, positioned towards her in a stance that very much made Regina think about his daughter.

“I know about the two of you.” He had said and Regina had opened her mouth, ready to ask how until she had remembered the walk near the pond she had made with the blonde sheriff two days back. She had seen one of the nuns staring at the two of them, seeming to gasp as Regina had kissed the blonde tenderly. That had probably been the source. “I want to know if you are making her happy.”

Which had been a valid point considering what had happened with Hook, what had happened with Neal and what had happened with everyone Emma had tried to form a relationship with. Still, the words had stung as well as the doubts and so Regina’s thumbs had turned white as she kept pressing the glass, the glossy surface hard against her fingertips.

“I want to know that you won’t hurt her.”

“I want…”

The rest of the conversation had been dulled out by Regina’s own inner voice, the one that now kept whispering at her words that seemed far too close to Cora’s for her body not to shudder. She had been hurt, angry perhaps but at the end it has been David’s voicing her own demons what had made her look at him in sadness and mutter a quick “I understand” that had left the prince no less confused but at least at ease enough to nod awkwardly before attempting a small smile.

The tears had come as soon as the door had been shut, tears that had run freely and hotly as she had glanced down at the almost untouched drink between her hands, one single crack running down one of the sides of it as the slightly touch of purple faded away from her fingers, tracing the lines of her veins on the back of her hand as she controlled the power once again. It had been strange, she now thought, looking at herself, touching the flesh just below her eyes with her pinkie, to cry like this, to react like this. However, she knew the reason why and for that her eyes hovered over her desk, glancing at her phone in where one single message notification glowed, Emma’s ID picture visible even from where she stood.

“I know…” She was able to read before the screen went black, her hand picking up the phone as quickly as possible, David’s words still fresh on her mind.

“I know that my dad went to talk to you. Tell me if he said anything he shouldn’t have said, yes?”

Her fingers about to touch the screen a second message came in. “I love you.”

This time she didn’t cry, she didn’t want to, but she smiled, the nauseating words fading away, disappearing along as David’s own words, own doubts, own threats.


One of the best friend-breakup songs ever. It really evokes the celebratory, yet petty feeling that arises when you finally release yourself from a friendship that is not characterized by love and acceptance. It also is wonderful in how it portrays friendship with respect and intensity that romantic relationships typically get in songs. It makes me think of the Nosedive episode of Black Mirror for all these reasons. 

You claw, you fight, you lose
Got a doll that looks just like you
Remember when we used to say
“I love you” almost every day
I saw a light in you
Going out as I closed our window
You never liked me anyway

I don’t see the light I saw in you before
And now I don’t, and now I don’t
And now I don’t care anymore

Baby, believe me
If you had every chance
You’d destroy everything you love
If you don’t need me
Just let me go

You hate, you bite, you lose
After all, I just don’t like you
It’s nice that you say you like me
But only conditionally
Your voice, it had the perfect flow
It got lost when you gave it up though
‘Cause you want money
You want fame

I don’t see the light I saw in you before
And now I don’t, and now I don’t
And now I don’t care anymore

Baby, believe me
If you had every chance
You’d destroy everything you love
If you don’t need me
Just let me go

Baby, believe me
I don’t know how many times
You destroyed everything that you love
If you don’t need me
Just let me go
Baby, believe me
I don’t know how many times
You destroyed everything that you love
If you don’t need me
Just let me go

anonymous asked:

Do you have any tips for working through internalized fatphobia? I discovered the fat acceptance movement a couple of years ago and it's helped me immensely, but I can't help that sometimes I still feel disgusted with myself when I look in the mirror. I just wish I could feel happy with the body I have.

I think, for what I hear from all the lovely fat people in my life and in this blog, that the hard truth is that even the most fat positive person you can find has those days too. 

And that is ok. It is nearly impossible to completely deprogram ourselves from the fatphobia in our society when we have to live every day in that society.
It is like being on a boat and there is a small hole. Some water is constantly pouring in and threatening with flooding your boat so you bail the water… But as long as you are in the sea there is always going to be water coming in. You might be able to cover the hole with something but there is still going to be some water coming out of it and there is always going to be some water on the floor no matter how hard you are bailing. But that doesn’t mean that your boat is going to sink or that it can’t function properly and reach its destination safely, with all the crew happy to meet their families one more day. 

There. A happy ending for the boat and the crew of your body <3

- Mod Guillermo

I write poems about flowers but can’t manage to keep any alive. I spent a whole summer when I was fifteen not going to bed until the sun was up because I thought the dark was trying to eat me. Even now, when I bleed, I expect demons to seep out. My days are arranged by color; my brightest moments are always shimmering in pink. I’ve cried at too many sunsets and not enough sunrises. I don’t live anywhere near the water and can’t swim so I’m always falling in love with boys on the west coast. I collect song lyrics instead of stamps. I won’t be content with my body until it’s covered in ink and I don’t mind looking at it in a mirror. Home still feels like just another empty word I don’t fit into. I’ve never broken a bone and I guess that’s my consolation price for a jumbled mind. At twenty-one I’m still too small for most roller coasters, but can still fit on most swing sets. These days I sleep with lavender and blueberry incense on my pillow to try and keep the nightmares away. My heart is always straining against my rib cage, and I think one of these days it might liquefy and spill right through the cracks.

MY HONEST POEM, angelea l.

(After Rudy Francisco)


Get that hair out of your face. Let me see. Christ! That is disgusting. No wonder you cover that up. Have you seen it? I mean, have you looked in the mirror? That is gross as hell! I can see your socket. I wanna touch it. Oh, come on. Can I touch it? Damn. Holly hell, kid. Look… I just… it’s easy to forget that you’re… just a kid. And I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings or anything. I… I was just screwing around. Just forget it.

So I just gave myself hella Draco feels.

Like, I was thinking, what if Draco found the mirror of Erised in first year. What if, for all his young arrogance and self importance, he looks in that mirror, and sees a little blond boy/girl next to him. What if, and I don’t even know where I’m getting this, but what it Draco really wanted a sibling? What if, in that big manor, whether you like the idea that his parents were loving or absent, that big lonely manor, what if all he wanted was another kid to play with? One who could be there all the time, and not just sometimes, like when his friends would visit?

What if Draco desperately wanted a little sister, or a little brother.

And that’s what he sees in the mirror? Himself, happily playing with a younger sibling, or hell, even an older one.

What if Draco just wanted a bigger family?

what if that’s a small part of why he is so hateful towards Ron and his big family

i look in the mirror, bags under my eyes, my hair up in a messy bun. heavy sadness in my eyes. baggy clothes. i just don’t care what i look like, i don’t care about anything

“you need to eat, you’re loosing weight like crazy.” yeah except i’m not hungry at all. i feel sick all the time. so i just keep drinking my powerade.

my eyes are bloodshot from crying for hours. my mom lays there with me and let’s me cry and tries to comfort me. the headaches always there.

i try to talk to new guys but nobody makes me feel anything. all i see is him when i close my eyes. i can’t escape him.

i go into my room and open the box with the note he wrote. “i’ll always love you.” i’m filled with anger as i throw things against the wall in a rage. just being in this room feels like the ghost of him is still here. how can someone love you so much, then they just don’t anymore?

i just want to sleep but i can never stay asleep. i wake up at 230 everyday and can never go back to bed. i’m so tired. my mind and body. is this what it feels like to die? because that’s what this feels like. it’s so much effort to make it through the damn day.


waiting for time to go by because that’s what heals you right? so i wait and i wait. then i realize i have been staring at the wall for 20 minutes. how did i not notice?

“come out with us it will be fun!” i don’t want to go, i have to make myself. i don’t even know what fun is anymore. but i try, i plaster on the fake fun. because nobody wants to see the sad girl who can’t get over the guy who left her suddenly. so i pretend. but i feel like i’m suffocating the whole time. it’s exhausting to pretend.

when people talk about love, they never mention this part. it amazes me how one single person can destroy you and strip away everything that you are. i think of the girl i used to be. i want so badly to get back there. i worry that i’ll never be her again. and deep down i know that i won’t be. i know that i’ll survive, i’ve seen it in many others. it just nearly kills you in the process.

—  Chapters from my life
he didn’t think i was pretty. forget enough; try not at all. it is a sobering truth to learn. how do you react when someone knows every inch of your soul and doesn’t fall in love with you, even just a little bit? i don’t know how you come out of that without a slice in your heart. i don’t know how you just… pick up and move on. i look at myself in the mirror. really look at myself. and i feel a stone drop in my stomach, because no, i never thought i was pretty before. but i never thought i wasn’t, either.
—  he didn’t think i was pretty - oakflower
I feel like the older I get, the less I enjoy christmas.
I still can remember when I was 8 years old, I was really looking forward to christmas and seeing my relatives again. And I was sooo pleased when I saw the presents under the tree and the dinner on the table and the fairy lights hung up everywhere in the room, mirroring in my eyes.
But now… Being more or less an adult, I hate christmas. I hate seeing my relatives, seeing how pseudo-friendly they can be. And I hate to see people being nice and happy just because they have to be! Because the society told them to act like they are happy, “ ‘cause it’s christmas!“
And I really miss this feeling. This feeling full of pleasure when I saw the beautifully decorated room.
It’s gone. 
It’s gone just like my anticipation for christmas.
And sometimes I’m jealous of my sister. She’s 8, full of joy, and full of happiness. She doesn’t know the truth yet that christmas is just a big lie. Nobody’s happy. Nobody likes the presents they get. Nobody wants to see their relatives who are completely meaningless during the rest of the year! 
But everybody misses christmas like it used to be when we were younger.
—  L.R., The pleasure of christmas
All I know is the sound of your feet hitting the
floorboard. Walking away, again. A slamming
door. A hole in the wall on the way out. I want
to blame the alcohol, but I know it’s just the
change in weather. Your heart always hardens
in the heat. We are opposites in this way. Still,
I look in the mirror and see your face. See what
could have been – what should have been. Last
winter was a blanket of dark and you were the
brightest light. Then summer came and the sun
tried to wrestle you out of the way. I had to look
away. I shouldn’t have. I should have used my
voice instead of curling up and trusting the pen
to do all the work. Sometimes people don’t need
words, they need hands. My hands don’t ever
settle unless your voice is on the other end of the
line. This doesn’t solve anything, I still can’t reach
you from here. Sometimes words fail. Sometimes
there’s a heart, and sometimes there’s just another
hole in the wall where the light tries to squeeze in.
—  A HEART, A HOLE, A LIGHT, angelea l.

to all the girls that have just stopped shaving their legs and hate the prickliness, think the hair looks darker than it ‘should be’ or that you have too much and are thinking of going back to shaving

to all the girls who threw their makeup away or just used the last of it up last week and consciously decided not to buy more, who look in the mirror before they leave the house and think they look tired

to all the girls who know how our patriarchal capitalist system targets women and makes them feel inferior with these meaningless alterations to our bodies, without all these accessories and adjustments, and are trying little acts of resistance in their own lives but are struggling with the insecurities we all have felt

i see you, i support you, it gets easier. People stop commenting. People don’t look down at other people’s legs nearly as often as you may self-consciously look at your own. i know you are also probably facing pressure from friends and family. The people who love you too will either stop caring or stop noticing, maybe even support you eventually. 

I never wore a lot of makeup, and never daily, but I stopped shaving in high school. If anyone ever needs to talk about the pressures to conform to femininity, my inbox is always open and anon is always on. you can ask for advice, vent, ask questions. if you want me to reply privately i can do that too just let me know.

Honestly? I can’t wait to have kids.
I can’t wait to watch my wife try and slowly manipulate her glowing body out of my car as we make our way to the ultra sound appointment.
I can’t wait to pull a small piece of paper out of my pocket that has about 300 questions I have to ask our doctor.
I can’t wait until the doctor tells me google exists and I will be just fine.
I can’t wait to stand in the book store carrying more “how to” books than necessary to the cash register. Looking both bewildered and enamoured as my wife shakes her head with embarrassment at my intense excitement.
I can’t wait to hear her tired voice ask me for Pringles and peanut butter.
I can’t wait to be laying on her belly and feel a small foot on the side of my head.
I can’t wait to see my beautiful wife standing in the mirror rubbing me stomach slightly concerned.
I can’t wait to reach my hands around and pull her in tight and whisper how utterly stunning she is. How unbelievably lucky I am. How unbelievably lucky our “little guy is.”
I can’t wait to discuss who’s genes you’re going to get. Argue over who’s nose we hope you have.
I can’t wait to hear the “it’s time.”
I can’t wait to be next to her, holding her hand. I know she’ll tell me she can’t do it. But I damn well know she can. She will be the strongest bravest person I know.
I can’t wait to hear your cries as you breath into this world.
I can’t wait to look down at my wife, exhausting, but glowing. She’ll be looking at you. But I’ll be looking at the two of you. No moment will ever match this. No moment will ever feel so accomplishing. So important. As to when I see my family together for the first time.
Honestly? I can’t wait to have kids.
I’m so excited to hear uncoordinated footsteps fill the hallways of my home. Followed by high pitched laughed filled screams and the voice of my wife shouting “I’m gunna getcha!”
I can’t wait to pull you both close onto my lap as I read the same bed time story I’ve read every single night for the past month.
Watch both of your chests rise and fall together as your breath becomes rhythmic.
I can’t wait to sit on that couch with you both asleep in my lap not wanting to move because no matter how tired, how uncomfortable I am. For god sakes I couldn’t look away if I tried.
There are so many things in this world I look forward too. But this lifetime I’m going to get to create? I am so excited for.
—  I can’t wait to meet you.

i know looking in the mirror with tears streaming down your cheeks is no fun and it’s hard to pull yourself together after you’ve just collapsed and you feel like everything inside of you is pulling in opposite directions and your body can’t decide which way to follow so you’re ripping at the seams and you’re bleeding; you can’t stop bleeding. and so you get weaker and your limbs feel too heavy to drag behind you all the time and the weight of the world is just a bit too crushing for your shoulders to burden and you’re falling behind. everyone else is running through life at a comfortable pace but you can’t even bring yourself to get up and attempt to race and you so you start to lose hope and you forget to open your eyes even once just to look at the sky and so all you belong to is darkness and everything seems hopeless and you want to give up. but i’m telling you, don’t. i know the stars have stopped whispering advice to you in your sleep so you could wake up and think it was a dream and i know you don’t really sleep anymore and everything seems like too much but it’s not. you are the universe inside of a person and you are bursting with light. all that blood is not beauty, but it is constellations and you are filled with that vast darkness speckled with stars and planets and life. and i know you’re always trying to hollow yourself out and your heart feels like it’s faced it’s very last explosion but you can withstand so much more. there is still so much left for you. you just have to get back up and start finding it again.

Hazy Mornings

ʚ best friend!jungkook, morning after!jungkook x reader  ɞ

ʚ angsty and a little kinky??? ɞ

ʚ wc: 2,574 ɞ

ʚ a/n: not gonna lie, this made my jeon jungkook feels skyrocket through the roof ;-; anyways! i hope you like this ms busansjeon guys enjoy this:)   ɞ

Originally posted by darkfrinda

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