i just like using russian okay

ok so I know we're​ all really sold on the ‘neil and andrew learn russian’ headcanon, but I take that and raise you this: neil and andrew learn sign language

  • it totally makes sense ok
  • hear me out
  • they learn asl (or maybe pse just because its easier)
  • it works for times when they can’t speak
  • when neil has nightmares and can’t get his voice to work
  • or when they’d rather be quiet but still talk to each other
  • just signing yes and no without having to speak
  • but also
  • andreil would totally just use it to their advantage
  • signing to each other from long distances
  • or signing things like you okay? slyly so know one can see
  • andrew signing something like I’m gonna kill him when nicky starts rambling
  • neil just rolling his eyes and signing no without stopping the conversation with the rest of the foxes
  • neil making a risky shot during a game and turning to give andrew a smirk
  • andrew only replies with the sign for addict (i.e junky)
  • kevin really wanting to learn because he thinks it could be useful on the court
  • andrew teaches him the completely wrong signs for amusement
  • andrew would totally just sign rapidly at reporters when they ask him questions to confuse them and then walk away
  • trust me people get flustered if you start randomly signing at them
  • neil likes it because it improves his dexterity and hand-eye coordination
  • junky
  • andrew, in english: “shut up, josten”
  • neil, snarkily, in sign language: make me
What’s up, it’s Alexei!

When Ngozi posted this picture yesterday of young post-draft Tater “trying his darnedest to answer press questions in English,” I thought, “You know, I could make a play fic out of that.” Which is what led to the following 2700+ words about Tater and his ESL tutor.

Many, many thanks to @ktheunready for being my Russian authenticity consultant and beta!


Georgia Martin stood at the back of the media scrum and watched Alexei Mashkov stumble his way through his post-draft interview, saw the way his fingers kneaded the brim of the brand-new Falconers’ cap he’d been handed for the initial official photos, saw the way his eyes widened and stayed intently glued to whoever was asking him a question, like he was afraid he’d miss some key bit of meaning if he blinked.

She pulled out her phone and made a call.

***

«No, Mama, I promise, my room is very nice. The family is very nice. Everything is very…»

«Let me guess, nice? »

Alexei sighed. «Yes.»

«You know I don’t doubt you, right, Alyosha? I’m not worried you can’t do this. You will be fine. But I know this is your first time to live in another country, with none of the boys from your teams here. It can be… hard, sometimes. I know.»

«Yeah, Mama, I know. You told me.»

«Are you telling me you’ve heard the stories of my youth too many times?» she asked in mock outrage.

«No, no!» he laughed. «Of course not.»

«Good. I should think not.» He could picture her face exactly, and it made him smile. «I’m glad your host family seems nice, Alyosha. I’m sure you will have many friends in no time.»

He flopped back on the bed again and stared at the ceiling. «I hope so.»

«We’ll talk again soon. Love you, son.»

«Love you, too.»

He hung up and let his phone rest on his chest. He’d been to America before. He’d thought he’d known what it would be like, that it wouldn’t be so bad. Different, yes, but there would be so many interesting new things to see, and new teammates, and he certainly knew how to play hockey. What he had failed to take into account, apparently, was how exhausting it was to try to function in English all day. For a US hockey team, the Falconers’ roster was shockingly low on Russian players, so his host family was one of the French Canadian ones. To their credit, they did speak some Russian, but it was hardly enough to have a real conversation. Alexei felt like he’d been practically mute all day.

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anonymous asked:

Okay this is super random (and not technically fan fiction) but if yuri on ice was a live action show, who would you want to play the main characters? I know this is random and not related (but technically it's fan fiction-y related) however I'm curious what you think!!

(This is going to be a REALLY long post, sorry hahaha)
I LOVE this question! I’m only going to put actors/models on here, but I do know many skaters who would be amazing as well! (Yuzuru Hanyu, Michael Christian Martinez, Evgeni Plushenko are a few! I could make another list for that if you’d like!) 


Yuuri Katsuki: Kento Yamazaki

(Japanese actor)

I mean??? LOOK AT THIS MAN

SO PERFECT I’M IN LOVE

So cute!!

UM OKAY I’LL JUST PRETEND I’M ALIVE YEP THAT’S FINE I’M FINE

Kento Yamazaki + Flowers = 😍

When I watched YOI, this is who I thought of instantly (besides Yuzuru Hanyu, of course!)


Victor Nikiforov: Vasiliy Stepanov 

(Russian Actor)

(I know Kubo said she used John Cameron Mitchell as a visual reference and I think he’d be awesome as Victor, but I also think that this actor would be great as well! And I know what you’re thinking, “Hailey this doesn’t look like Victor!” I KNOW!! Victor is too perfect to be compared to any mere mortal, BUT hear me out! Imagine this man with the platinum hair, swoopy bangs, and straight eyebrows… *dies* 😍)

UMMMMMMMM HELLO THERE, SIR!!!! 

*faints*

I’ll just leave this here… 😍

I DIDN’T KNOW V-NECK TSHIRTS COULD BE LIFE-THREATENING BUT NOW I KNOW


Yuri Plisetsky: Emil Andersson 

(Model)
(I couldn’t find anyone younger, so just imagine this is an aged-up Yurio haha)

The hair!

Look at that expression! Is this Emil or moody Yurio???


Minako Okukawa: Yukie Nakama

(Japanese actress, singer and former idol)

She’s beautiful!


Christophe Giacometti: Gaspard Ulliel

(French Actor)

The green eyes! The scruff!! I’m in love!!!

HE EVEN HAS THE SAME GLASSES I’M YELLING


Phichit Chulanont: Jirayu La-Ongmanee

(Thai actor)

SO CUTE OMG!

HE’S HOLDING A PLANT LOVE HIM

He needs to be protected at all costs!!! 💙


Mila Babiceva: Natalya Rudakova

(Russian-American actress)

She looks exactly like Mila??? I’m SHOOK


Jean-Jacques Leroy: Brant Daugherty

(American Actor)

The eyebrows… the eyes!


Yuuko Nishigori: Saki Aibu

(Japanese Actress)

So pretty!


Otabek Altin: Sanzhar Madiyev

(Kazakhstani Actor)

Just shave off the ‘stache and he’s Otabek!


Those are my picks, what are yours? Let me know in the replies!

Russian names: Yuri

Russians use diminutives much more than a lot of other cultures. Basically, everyone who, speaking English, would be on first-name basis, in Russian would address each other with the singular “you” (ты) and use each other’s short names. Moreover, sometimes people use the plural “you” (вы), ans still use each other’s short names, without asking first. 

Going from plural “you” to singular often requires a short discussion akin to “Call me Jack - Okay, and you call me Susan” in English, but using a diminutive is either implied by the use of singular “you” or just not a big deal.

I’m personally annoyed with that, because a lot of Russians I know call me “Yura” (well, not Yura exactly, but the equivalent version of my first name), or even “Yurochka” while still using the plural “you” like they’re supposed to. There’s no polite way to say “call me Yuri, I don’t like my diminutives”, because everyone thinks it’s not a big deal: it’s your name, what’s wrong with that?

Also, no one - literally no one - addresses a child or a teenager (at least, a teenager younger than 17-18) by their full name if the name has a diminutive. The most frequent diminutive for Yuri is Yura.

So. Victor, Yakov, Lilia, Georgi, Mila and every other Russian around Yuri Plisetsky call him Yura, unless he’s in a habit of throwing a fit every time someone does that. I’m not sure he does, because really, it’s not seen as a big deal at all. 

His grandfather (and probably Yakov) might call them Yurochka - all the time, or when they’re feeling especially sentimental. 

Other diminutives include Yurka (it’s a little bit dismissive, but otherwise neutral, so it’s probably used by classmates or siblings), Yurik (also dismissive, kind of childish and rhymes with a childish insult, so probably not Plisetsky’s favorite), and Yurets (stress on e, very rare, but I know a Yurets; rhymes with the Russian for “cucumber”). I’m not sure Plisetsky is particularly fond of either of those names, but someone might use them to annoy him.

Who calls him Yuri? Foreigners, sponsors and journalists when they’re interviewing him. Maybe also his professors once he starts college (his school teachers use Yura or the last name), and everyone else who has to address him formally: bank clerks, hotel receptionists and so on. 

Yuri Nikolaevich, or whatever is his patronymic (Nikolaevich is from Nikolai, his grandfather’s name, I used it because we don’t know his father’s name. If he were Yakov’s kid, he’d be Yakovlevich), is hardly ever used. It’s there in his passport, and a policeman that stops him for speeding (don’t tell me it won’t happen at least twice a week when he gets his license) might address him that way, but other than that, until he starts coaching, or teaching, or becomes a doctor, a politician or a parent, everyone will keep calling him Yuri, because patronymics aren’t as frequently used in modern-day St.Petersburg as they used to be.

Otabek, whose Russian is as good as Yuri’s own, will probably call him Yura or Yurka, unless, again, Yuri asks him not to.

Also, if you combine the Russian for “kitten” (котёнок) and with Yuri, you get Юрёнок (Yurionok, where the “io” in the middle is pronounced kind of like “ir” in “girl”). It sounds cute, funny and very intimate; would probably annoy the hell out of Yuri or reduce him to a pool of goo, depending on who’s using it.


Yuri Katsuki, for the most part, wouldn’t be subjected to diminutives, because everyone realizes the Japanese don’t use the same diminutives, but Yakov, once he warms up to him, as well as grandpa Plisetsky and Victor’s family if he has one, may call him “Yura”, as a sign of accepting him as one of their own, like how Yuri’s mother calls Victor “Vicchan”.

I love the langblr community and honestly after a while you don’t even bat an eyelid when someone says they’re learning 4 languages at the same time. And then you feel like that’s what everyone does in their spare time, until you talk to someone irl and you’re like ‘oh yes I’m learning French, Russian, Danish, Arabic, Mandarin…!!’ and they’re like ‘are you okay???’ Then it hits you. And you remember that the average person doesn’t keep a bullet journal in three languages and cry over the smell of grammar books and you’re like OH. OK

Capable (Chapter 5) NSFW

Chapter 1               Chapter 2                Chapter 3               Chapter 4 (NSFW)

Originally posted by indiastokeruniverse

Bucky Barnes x mutant!Reader

Summary: You were kidnapped by Hydra 10 years ago but now you’re free. You find yourself at the Avengers Tower while you recover and readjust to real life.

Warnings: language (moderate), smut, choking kink, sir kink, russian (Котенок = kitten), oral

A/N: So turns out I’m gonna go hang out with a friend tomorrow which mean sI won’t really be able to post so I decided to finish this tonight. Alsooooo, I lied. I thought I was going to do two more chapters but I think this is going to be the last one. I tried to not make this smut but it didn’t work so have fun. ;) Also I feel like this one is long as fuck, sorry?


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amortentiando  asked:

Just go crazy. Just... buy a ticket n get ur plants and sweaters and tell Aryn to get their hair sprays and never look back. Meet halfway through in London and find a job in a cheap cafe and rant a veryvery small place w just enough space for u two to sleep and for the plants and just... live. Cause from all we know we can die tomorrow and things like these can never happen and love deserves to be lived before it's too late. [sorry I knoooow things aren't easy like this you guys just inspire me]

okay so…i know you mean well and probably wish the best for us but this ask ruffled my feathers a bit and i thought i’d tell you why: so here is how the visa process works here (and i’ve gone through it a bunch of times because 99% of countries requires for a russian citizen to have a visa even if you want to visit for just one day) you have to provide a pretty long list of documents to persuade the consulate of the country you’re going to that you won’t stay in their country because they don’t want you there (and i’ve been denied visas before because i was too young/no stable job/not married/no real estate in my possession) if you manage to do that then you have to pay the visa fee (it is non-refundable even if they deny you a visa) which for uk rounds up to ~ 230-1200 pounds depending on how long you wish to stay (then again if they find your reasons or documents insufficient /and their reasons for rejection vary a lot from “you don’t have enough money” to “consular officer was in a bad mood and didn’t like your face”, etc/ they will deny your application) so let’s say i’m going for the longest visa to actually live in the uk (even though let’s face it straight-up they wouldn’t give me one because i don’t have a proper job or any real estate in the uk) then 1200 pounds is approximately 93 thousand rubles - on a good month i earn 15 thousand rubles (8-10 thousand from which go to pay half the rent of our studio) so you can see how suddenly it becomes more and more impossible - more than that having your visa application checked can take up to a month so the phrase “buy a ticket and go” is especially bitter for me. so what i’m trying to say here is this - unfortunately we don’t live in a movie where everything follows this idea that we might die tomorrow so let’s just do whatever we want, life is much more complicated and there are circumstances that wouldn’t fit into a romantic comedy. i’m not here to whine about how hard things are because i’m priviledged enough to go see arin, to hold their hand without being showered with stones for it, to live in a world where i can imagine a future for us. but just…don’t make it sound like all we have to do, all the struggles we have to overcome is buying a plane ticket online and impulsively starting to live together, okay? there are so many more things to this.

Russian names: pet names

As in, names for loved ones, not for pets, although those are fun, too.

(I’ve been considering a post like this for a long time, and then I got an ask requesting it, so I decided to go ahead and pick up my drafts. Dear person who requested it, I’m very sorry, I accidentally clicked “send” before I took note of your URL, that’s why I’m not tagging you. Credits for prompting this are yours, anyway.)

Most Russian partners and spouses address and refer to each other by the diminutives or their first names, sometimes using a slightly different version than everyone else (Vitka or Vitenka, rather than just Vitya, Yurka or Yurochka rather than Yura), but generally, they use the same names for each other as their siblings and close friends use for them.

Also, Russians in general (especially Russian men, Georgi Popovich notwithstanding) are a little (okay, a lot) more reserved than people in a lot of other countries; ending every phone call with “I love you”, making sure there are always fresh flowers in the house and bringing each other breakfast in bed isn’t something that happens very often, not even in novels.. 

Therefore, not a lot of Russians make up pet names for each other, call each other something new and sweet every day or even explicitly say “I love you” at all. 

That said, pet names still do exist, and people do use them - sometimes sincerely, and sometimes jokingly or even in mocking.

Before I begin my three-page rant on Russian nicknames, I’d like to make sure we’re clear about three things.

First, my transliteration isn’t the only correct way to spell it. There’s often no right way to transliterate some words or letters, so if you see and like some other way to spell some word - go ahead and use that, it most possibly doesn’t matter. Just watch out for o/a and e/i in unstressed syllables (it’s YurOchka, VitEnka), because those, if spelled wrong, look like spelling mistakes rather than alternative transliterations.

Second, YMMV. Russia is huge. Dialects exist. People are different. There’s a good chance someone may use some words differently, and that’s okay.

Third, I hope everyone’s aware that it’s also okay to use any words you like in your fanfic, even if they only sound Russian, or don’t even sound Russian at all; it’s your text, you’re the one who’s creating the universe your characters live in; the Russia in your fanfic doesn’t have to be exactly the same as the Russia that exists in our world.

If, however, you want to stick to the real-life Russian pet names, this text is for you.

The first thing that’s important to remember when picking a Russian endearment is gender. A lot of Russian words aren’t gender-neutral, and using the wrong gender makes it hilarious if the person is secure in their gender or offensive, if they have gender-related issues. So please, make sure you pick a gender-neutral word or use the correct version of a gendered one. I marked all feminine words with an f, and all masculine with an m, and explicitly stated if the word is gender-neutral.

The word most frequently used in fanfic, “дорогой(m, dorogoy)/дорогая(f, dorogaya)” is, indeed, the equivalent for “darling”, but in real life it’s hardly ever used as an endearment. Instead, it’s more of a word for old married couples: “Dorogaya, you ruined my life, - You’re not exactly a gift yourself, dorogoy!”. It’s used ironically or jokingly much more often than as an actual way to address someone you love. It’s also the same word as “expensive”, so statements like “Moya dorogaya is very dorogaya, that’s the third silver necklace this week” aren’t unheard of.

Much more often used is “милый(m, miliy)/милая(f, milaya)”. It basically means the same - “dear/darling” - but sounds more gentle and intimate. Young women use that, along with lubimiy, on girly forums to refer to their boyfriends (”Last night miliy said that I…”).

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fic: you know you’re supposed to keep it (parse/tater, past discussed jack/parse)

@des-zimbits wanted “fic where Tater tells Kent that Jack has a boyfriend he’s joyously in love with and telling his team about/introducing them to, and then Kent and Tater process the news and what it might mean for them?” and I thought… if Tater was so sure about Jack having a girlfriend earlier (obviously that could’ve been for show but go with me here), then that’d mean he and Kent are together but he still doesn’t know about Jack in Kent’s past… and then this story happened. Probably both more angsty and more about Jack/Parse than the prompt.

secrets you keep for so long they become a part of you

warnings: not sure of more exact tags, but Parse’s mental landscape is a Mess.  //  ~2k, also here on ao3.


“You never guess what Zimmboni just told me,” Tater says as soon as Kent opens up his Skype request. It’s funny: for years any mention of Jack would’ve stolen his attention, but right now all he can think about is his boyfriend, and how he fills up any space he’s in so attractively with his boundless energy. He’s bouncing on his bed right now, making the camera of his laptop jump, and Kent aches to be there, to feel that enthusiasm. He curses the length of almost two months that are marked out on both of their calendars until they’ll be able to see each other again.

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anonymous asked:

Dr. Tony who has 5-7 phds and answers rhetorical questions around the house with science facts, and does math in his head and shocks listeners, etc? Please?

“Oh my god, you’re totally going to get murdered by Natasha.”


“Oh ye of little faith,” Clint scoffed at Tony, shooting him a look of scorn before turning back to Steve, who was readying himself on the other side of the room.

Tony rolled his eyes, eyes darting across the living room for a second before landing back on Clint, this time with a slightly elevated eyebrow. “There is an 84% chance Natasha will injure you in some serious way once she realises you are using her favourite and most expensive imported Russian chocolates in order to make Steve do tricks like some sort of house-trained labrador- which I guess he is, but still- you’re gonna get hurt because of it, so I’d decide right now if you think it’s worth it.”

This time, Clint looked  a little surprised. “What makes you say 84%? Am I missing something? Has she just been given a new supply of weaponry?”

“No,” Tony shrugged, “I’m just bomb at math.”

Steve looked carefully at him, before squinting a little. “Okay. Give me your ‘bomb’ math, then. I can see like, seven different ways this could go wrong, but I still don’t see how you can turn that into a mathematical equation.”

Again, Tony shrugged, gesturing vaguely around him. “How the hell should I know? The author who’s writing my character right now can’t do maths for shit.  She doesn’t even spell it as ‘math’. Who the fuck spells math without an ‘s’? Americans, that’s who. Anyway- we’re derailing from the point,” Tony waved a hand across his face, looking a little put out as he stared at the roof. “This whole ‘inability to do anything other than basic times-tables’ thing the author has going on makes it slightly annoying when she’s trying to bring me, a character who is, y’know, a mathematical genius, to life. All I know is that I have 5-7 phd’s according to an ask she got on tumblr. Which makes me pretty fucking smart. Now trust me, if I say you’ve got an 84% chance of grievous injury, then you’ve got an 84% chance of grievous injury. Have fun avoiding Natasha’s wrath,” Tony waved them off, turning back to his tablet with a little smile on his face.

Steve and Clint watched him go, confusion written on their faces. “How long do you think Tony hasn’t slept for this time?” Clint asked. “ ‘the author?’ Is he on drugs?”

Steve shook his head. “I’m pretty sure he’s just sleep-deprived,” he said, before pausing, and turning to look at Clint, eyes wide. “Or maybe that’s what the author wants us to think.”

Clint looked at him, before gasping. “Holy shit. You’re right. Technically, is this breaking the fourth wall?”

Steve looked confused for a moment, before pulling a face. “I only worked out what that meant about four weeks ago. I thought it was exclusive to movies.”

Clint shrugged. Then Steve shrugged. There was shrugging everywhere. Even the author was shrugging. Probably. Steve and clint couldn’t actually see them. They just assumed. (They were correct).

“Hey- shall I go make out with Tony like I tend to do at the end of every story this author writes?” Steve asked suddenly, turning to Clint, who looked pensive for a moment before nodding solemnly. 

“Make sure to get your wires well and truly crossed before-hand though. Don’t want to make it two easy for the both of you.”

“I’ll keep it in mind,” Steve patted him on the back, smiling as he followed Tony’s path.

Clint sighed. “I’m going to get beaten up by Natasha now, aren’t I?” He asked the empty room.

Somewhere in the universe, the author laughed. Then the elevator doors opened, and JARVIS announced Miss Natasha Romanov’s presence.

kiaronna  asked:

VICTUURI NUMBER 2??? For the softness

(a softer world prompts)

At my worst, I worry you’ll realize you deserve better.  At my best, I worry you won’t. (I’ve never been better.)

He doesn’t panic. So there’s that. 

He just doesn’t understand it, either. Sometimes a sentence is so hopelessly misaligned with reality that the words don’t fit together.

Sentences like, You realize it’s you who deserves better.

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Chekov Headcanons

Wow a lot of you guys wanted these, this is probably a one time thing, but you never know. For @starsaremyocean, don’t worry, I got you!

- Everyone, and I mean everyone on the enterprise knows Chekov likes you. He is always staring at you, smiling when you get excited and Sulu is the first to call him out on it.

- Kirk totally makes comments, especially at really innappropiate times.
Enemy ship about to blow up enterprise, “Hey Chek did you sleep well last night?????”
Core is dead (again) and they are free falling in space (again): “Chek could you stop staring and actually do something??”
Someone was just murdered on the ship, there’s a chance the world could blow up: “So Y/n huh??”

And the whole time Chekov is about to die, because you hear everything.

- Okay Chekov is kinda a horny bastard so I mean him showing up at your door at ungodly hours is not uncommon.

- You guys have actually been a thing since Uhura told Spock about it and Spock well…kinda told you…he thought he was helping. (even though you knew, Sulu told you last week)

- Kirk tries to give Dad TalksTM to the both of you and are soooo awkward.
“Make sure to use pro–”
“OKAY PLEASE STOP!”

- Lmao one day Chekov walks onto the bridge late, covered in hickeys and omg Bones just kinda is there like “???????? When did this happen? So pure. no!”
Tbh I feel like Bones would be the last to notice you two had a thing going, but would always be the first to say something.

- (NSFW) He speak in Russian when he goes down on you, and oh lord…
He really likes kisses when you got at, and he prefers getting hickeys. But there have been days when you’re covered in them, Uhura nudges you like, “Get it girl!”
He has really high pitched moans and they are kinda adorable
Also swears in Russian…a lot…
Chekov’s very interchangeable, some days he’s a dom, other days he’s a sub.
Honestly the boy likes sex, so he doesn’t really care what’s happening.

- Lots and lots of making out.
You could be walking somewhere then he’ll just grab you, pull you into the closest room.
You both aren’t big on PDA only because everyone makes comments. Even hand holding, Spock is screaming about rules and you there like “You??? literally??? eat??? Uhura’s???? face???? before??? beamng out????" 
You almost (always) get caught making out. poor Scotty.

- He really likes always just touching you in some way
Chekov will always have a hand on you, shoulders touching when you sit, omg boy loves when you sit on his lap. ;)
He also likes when you play with his hair, lol the noises he makes.
And cuddling, so much cuddling.

Okay I could go on forever, so I’m going to stop myself here. I have exposed my deep love for Chekov…whelp!

If You Only Knew

CHAPTER 7: INCARCERATION

INFILTRATION || WITNESS || INHIBITIONS || MANIPULATION || 

EXPANSION || SUSPICION

“What the fuck do you mean ‘You don’t know’, Cas?!” Sam roared, one huge hand sweeping across his desk to send nearly everything on it flying.

Cas and Sofia both cringed away from his wrath.

“Somebody fucking answer me!” he screamed, his face turning red with his anger. A muscle in his jaw twitched and he turned a hateful stare to Sofia when she cleared her throat.

“Sam, we had no choice. We had to get the shipment out of there! I thought she was right behind us I swe-”

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gandoilfo  asked:

Okay i might have seen your post about Russians cussing and i might have a high need to ask for some exemples X)

HAHAHA OKAY I AM ALWAYS READY TO TELL PEOPLE ABOUT RUSSIAN CUSSES! It’s actually quite interesting from the linguistics side!

I did a very quick research and here’s what I found: 

Russian cusses are pretty much countless, but most of them spring from some basic roots (there are many more roots though, but this post is long enough already). The numbers are different, I’m just gonna choose the most widespread ones, thus the four officially forbidden by Russian government to be used by mass media. 

!Almost all of these are HIGHLY OFFENSIVE, many of them much more offensive than a simple “fuck” and to be used only with very familiar people who are okay with that! Russian teenagers cuss a lot, like, A WHOLE LOT, but more or less decent ones try to not do it in front of the adults. Adults cuss as well, but usually not at work (or at least so that no one would hear them). But if you commute a lot, then during the day you’re bound to hear people cussing quite often. I’m a high school senior, and children in primary school started cussing much more recently, those little fucktards. Like I said, there words are used only when the people that allowed to hear it and okay with it are around; on the street passerby won’t pay as much attention, but it’s really not recommended (although everyone’s just used to it that much I guess). 

Words marked like this* are subject to change depending on the sentence structure (even though in Russian you can insert cuss words almost everywhere, you should still be aware of what you’re doing lol).

1) Хуй (hUi) — male reproductive organ. Expressions (more examples here): 

• хуй тебе/соси хуй (hUi tebe/sosI hUi) — fuck no;
• иди/пошел* нахуй (idi/pashOl nAhui) — fuck you;
• хуй с тобой (hUi s tabOi) — couldn’t fucking care less;
• нихуя себе (nihuYA sebE) — holy fucking shit;
• нахуя? (nahuYA?) — why the fuck (asking for a reason)?
• с хуя ли? (s huYA li?) — why the fuck is that (objection);
• хуйня (huinYA) — fucking shit (a noun that can mean literally anything you want it to mean — something easy, something bad, something strange);
• что за хуйня?/какого хуя? (shto za huinYA?/kakOva hUya?) — what the fuck?
• охуевший* (ohuiEfshii) — a fucktard who’s too bold;
• охуенно/охуительно (ohuiEnno/ohuEEtel’no) — fucking awesome;
• дохуя/хуева туча (dohuYA/hUyeva tOOcha) — a whole fucking lot/a shit ton;
• нет нихуя (net nihuYA) — there’s fucking nothing;
• хуеплет (huyeplYOt) — liar;
• хуесос (huyesOs) — a very bad person;
• хуета/хуетень (huyetA/huyetEn’) — nonsense, rubbish;
• нехуй (nEhui) — don’t fucking dare;
• похуй (pOhui) — doesn’t fucking matter (there’s a noun pohuIzm — a state when you just don’t care, and it’s lighter version, which isn’t a cuss: pofigIzm);
• and then a whole lot of verbs, I’m only gonna mention a few: выхуярить (vIhuyarit’) — make someone crack, shake something out; вхуярить(ся) (vhuYAritsa) — to hit, to insert, to get into trouble; дохуярить (dohuYArit’) — to finish something; дохуяриваться (dohuYArivatsa) — to annoy, to bug; захуярить (zahuYArit’) — to punch, to make; нахуярить (nahuYArit’) — to make a lot of something; отхуярить (othuYArit’) — to beat up badly; прихуярить (prihuYArit’) — to attach; расхуярить (rashuYArit’) — to destroy.

2) Пизда (pizdA) — female reproductive organ. Examples (more examples here):

• пиздец (pizdEts) — everything’s bad and over/something really cool, very commonly used;
• пиздёж (pizdYOsh) — lies/twaddle;
• пиздобол/пиздун (pizdabOl/pizdUn) — liar;
• дать пиздюлей (dat’ pizdul’Ei) — give an earful; comeuppance;
• пиздюк* (pizdYUk) — literally anything you want it to mean it means, but has a slightly lighter undertone, so not usually used to describe really bad people;
• пиздеть* (pizdet’) — once again, whatever you want it to mean, but often to lie or to talk mindlessly;
• распиздяй (raspizdYAi) — frivolous, unreliable person;
• пиздато (pizdAto) — fucking awesome, and adjective from this is пиздатый (pizdAtii);
• once again, a shit ton of verbs: впиздить (fpIzdit’) — to beat up; допиздеться (dopizdEtsa) — to talk yourself into something bad; пиздануться (pizdanUtsa) — to fall/get hit, to go nuts; пиздеть (pizdEt’) — to lie; пиздить (pIzdit’) — to beat up; спиздить (spIzdit’) — to steal.

3) Ебать(ся) (yebAt’(sa)) — predominantly about having a coitus. Examples (more here):

• ебать* (yebAt’) — a shit ton of various meanings, usually to annoy, to fuck, to beat up;
• ебать! (yebAt’) — holy fucking shit!
• ёбнуть (YObnut’) — to hit;
• ёбнутый* (YObnutyi) — a crazy person;
• ебальник/ебало/ебло* (yebAl’nik/yebAlo/yeblO) — a face;
• ёбнуться* (YObnutsa) — to fall, to get hit;
• выёбываться* (viYObyvatsa) — to show off;
• долбоёб* (dolboYOp) — an annoying someone (could be knocking a lot, like a neighbor);
• заебись (zayebIs’) — fucking awesome;
• заебать/доебать* (zayebAt’/doyebAt’) — to make someone really annoyed after doing something for a long while;
• наебать* (nayebAt’) — to deceive;
• подъебать* (podyebAt’) — to make fun of;
• уёбище* (uYObische) — someone really ugly, a loser;
• съёбывать* (sYObyvat’) — go away;
• еблан/уёбок* (yeblAn/uYObok) — a really bad person;
• ебучий* (yebUchii) — really annoying;
• проебать* (proyebAt’) — to miss/lose something, a thing or an opportunity.
• there are so many verbs with this one I’m not even gonna try listing them, I’ve already used the most common ones.

4) Блядь (blYAt’) — usually meant a whore, bitch, slut. Examples with this one are more limited, cause it’s not subject to change that much. However it is used VERy often, especially its original form, and can be inserted almost anywhere in speech. 

• блядь! (blYAt’!) — can be used to describe literally any state of being (or just a person): distress, disappointment, frustration, surprise, shock, cheer, happiness and so on.
• блядский* (blYAtskii) — an adjective from the first one, that can also be used in almost any meaning you can come up with (although preferable a negative one in this case).

If you have any more questions/want to know something else — feel free to ask! :D i spent over an hour on this what am i doing with my life my browser history is a mess

RFA(+V and Saeran) reacting to gamer!MC

_Yoosung_

° we all know that he is a gamer too

° so the more interesting question is, who is the better one?

° regarding LOLOL it´s a matter of fact that he won

° don´t mess with the No. 2 on the Shootingstar-Server

° but there are other games too

° so one day, you were tried of loosing to him, you decided to battle him in Mario Party

° yes MC is a Little Nintendo child

° you brought your Wii over to his place and by the time he noticed your presence you already finished plugging everything in

° “Hi MC why did you bring your Wii over?”

° “I´m tried of you always beating me so today we´ll Play a game of my choice.”

° before he could do or say anything else you already put the Controller inside of him

° he surrendered after only two minigames

° because he was only ever with mouse and keyboardhe was completly lost

° “MC, please let´s stop this.”

° “No, I are GOD!!!” Kira is that you?

° he was at the edge of tears

° “MC please. I admit I lost and you won but please stop being so scary!” ( ˃̩̩⌂˂̩̩ )

° yes, he was crying and yes, it was your fault

° great Job MC..

° “I´m glad you can admit a defeat, honey. I´m going to prepare dinner now. love you.”(´∀`)♡

° you left him Standing there looking like someone who got hit by a blue shell in Mario cart  」( ̄▽ ̄」)


_Jaehee_

° whenever she was away for work you felt lonly in the house

° well, someone has to earn money

° so you found yourself a hobby you could do from your couch

° you bought yourself a Playstation and a couple games

°  the games you enjoyed most were RPGs/JRPGs

° and this MC plays these games to 100%

° who?Me?

° but turning everything on ond off again was just tooo bothersome

° so why not play 24/7 instead?

° that also meant no sleep fro the time being

° Jaehee was away on a buisness trip with Jumin (the closest she´ll ever get to a vacation XD)

° you were at home, playing The Legends of Heroes: Trails of Cold Steel

° btw I love that game

° when she returned you were fighting the last boss (for the 4th time or so)

° “MC, what are you doing there?”

° “Playing some games.”

° u don´t say MC

° “And for how Long have you been playing?”

° from your current state she could tell it was quite some time..

° “Dunno, wich day is it?”

° “DAY??!”

° “MC get off the Couch, under the shower and when you´re finished we talk about your game-addiction!” ༼ つ °  ʖ ° ༽つ

° that marked the endof your hobby and you had to find a new one (maybe like painting?)

° poor MC !! ( ≧Д≦)


_Zen_

° he often took you with him to his rehersals

° but since there wasn´t much to do for you, you had to find something to occupy yourself

° good thing you brought your Nintendo and a few games to play with you(*^▽^*)

° these were mostly Jump´n´Run but whatever

° but you were a very…… passionate player

° “You stupid Gumba, go die somwhere else!”

° “Bowser, you Bastard go fuck your turtle wife or something!”

° you were banned from the rehersal

° so what to do now?

° simple: go home, eat a snack and continue gaming

° I´m so proud of you MC!

° Zen´s rehersal took a lot longer than usual thanks to a certain someone, wich caused him to come back at 4AM

° he went into the bedroom only to be greeted by the dimm lights of your console

° “MC are you still playing those games?”

° “Yeah.”

° “Please go to bed and finish it tomorrow.”

° you did but this behaviour of yours stayed for the next few weeks

° get up at 12AM, game till 5AM and then sleep again

° simple life, no problems

° at some point Zen had enough of this

° but every time he took your game away from you, you had it back in no time

° he even went as far as asking Seven to hack that stupid Thing in order for you to stop

° but he said no (⌣_⌣”)

° so he did the last thinghe could think of and unleashed the BEAST

° he came in the bedroom to find you once again playing a game and cursing like hell

° oh, did I mention that he was naked?

° “MC, you have to choose now. me or the games?”

° “Zen, why do you say such stu-”

° you looked up

° then you threw your console away

° the beast won once again(๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و


_Jumin_

° at some point he gave in and admitted that it was kind of boring to just sit in the penthouse the whole day

° he let you bring your old X-Box over and you got your own playroom

° yes, playroom, with an X-Box XD

° but when he heard you complaining that there were games you couldn´t Play with the old one he got you a new one

° and a Playstation

° this room beacme your new favourite room besides the bedroom ( ° ʖ °)

° he was glad there was a Thing you enjoyed that much and if you gave even the smallest hint on wnating a new game…

° you got it 3 days before release

° but sooner or later he had to set an end to this

° more or less because you gave those games more attention than him

° when you didn´t evengreet him properly anymore and slept in this Rom he decided it had to be done sooner rather than later

° he was more clever than Zen and didn´t take your stuff away

° he was sneaky

° he was clever

° he was Jumin Han

° and this Jumin Han would make you yourself get tried of these games

° the more games you got, the less fun it was playing

° you played but didn´t felt this satisfying feeling anymore

° so you tryed something new: getting Jumin to play with you

° “Come on Jumin, just one round. Pleeeaaase!!”

° “Okay but than we´ll go to bed. Promise?”

° “Sure.”

° your smile already paid off the soon to be followed torture in his eyes

° you endedn up playing till 1 AM (・_・ヾ

° Jumin discoverd the joy of gamin and enden up int he same hell as you

° but he coulden´t skip wrk and you didn´t want to Play alone anymore

° you made an agreement: no more playing alone for the both of you

° mission succeded, well kinda


_Saeyoung/Seven_

° he didn´t play for fun

° he played to make little children Yoosung cry

° mostly aggro-kiddies in CS:Go

° one day you played a chilled Little round of CS:Go with your friends when you heard the two trigger words

° cyka blyat, rush B

° These words were enough to make you go in rage-mode

° you screamed the only Insults in russian that you knew as loud as you could into your headset

° if you want to know russian insults just google them xD

° after your screaming ended yuo heard somthing fall onto the ground

° it sounded like a human..

° “Seven are you okay?”

° “I am but please don´t scream like that in the microphone.”

° he got of the ground and sat down in his chair once again

° you wondered how loud you screamed that he even fell of the chair

° MC. please use your brain

° you turned around to leave the room and then you saw it

° right on his screen

° it looked like he was in the middle of a CS:Go game, nothing Special but then you saw with who he played

° “ Saeyoung….”

° he looked Kind of confused as if he asked himself what he did wrong this time

° “I brought out the trash, MC!”

° “The only trash to throw out is this cyka sitting infront of me!”

° he catched on, but unfortunately too slow

° “You know how much I hate these damn trolls who aren´t even from russian to begin with.All they ever want is to bother others!!”

° “MC, please calm down!”

° poor Seven, you kept lecturing him for about 2 hours …

° but hey, after that you became the best troll-couple in every online game <3


_V_

° he didn´t care much about games

° mostly because he´s almost blind

° so he didn´t really cared either that you were a very passionate player

° what should he do against it anyway….

° he often sat beside you when you played another game and you kept telling him what happend

° “MC, why did you kill those harpys?”

° “Because they attacked me.” 

° “MC, why did you die?”

° Because I didn´t kill the harpys this time.”

° Mc, why-”

° you had enough of this

° a question every 5 seconds was just too much to handle for you

° think about her concentration V

° “V, please stop asking such obvious stuff. I can´t concentrate when you Keep distracting me.”

° “Oh, okay I´ll Keep quiet from now on.”

° he did

° for about 2 minutes than it started all again

° “MC, why did you kill them?”

° enough is enough

° you turned off everything and went to the kitchen to get something to drink

° “MC, why did you stop?”

° “Because I somehow lost the joy in playing.”

° thank you V

° from now on you only played when he wasn´t around which was almost never but still better than being bothered nonstop


_Saeran_

° since Seven had a far to big TV-Screen, why not enjoy your favourite game on it?

° soon you had plugged everything in and stared fascinated at the Screen

° on said Screen you saw the fictional love of your life : Geralt of Riva (●♡∀♡)

° pls Geralt marry me

° playing Witcher made you frget about time and simply enjoy a great game

° but you also forgot about the non-fictional love of your life: Saeran

° he didn´t like that suprise

° you promised to go and buy ice cream with him and now?

° all you cared about was the stupid game, where a man was riding some horse and killing Monsters

° you didn´t know he was watching you so Yous aid the words that led to your death sentence

° “Geralt, I love you!”

° “MC we have to talk !”

° fuck, he was here

° “Saeran, I didn´t know you were here..”

° he looked pissed

° really pissed

° “MC, first you forget our ice.cream date and then you just say I love You to a fictional character

° “Saeran he is nothing more than that to me, fictional.Don´t take it like that you know you´re the only one for me.”

° “You know you have to make up for it right?”

° “I know.”

° so you payed for ice-cream and some snacks

° you had to take the console back to wherever it was before and apologized a million times to Saeran

° you were so exhauted at some point you just fell asleep on Saeran´s shoulder

° he wouldn´t admit it but as he heard you mumble something about him being the only one for you….

° he forgave you <3


That´s it for this one, I hope you love Geralt as much as I do and also enjoyed reading.  o(^▽^)o

If you did, leave alike or a comment, that makes me as happy as getting a shiny Mew XD

Also if you have some requests or whatever don´t hesitate and send it to me      o(≧∇≦o)

i was just wondering why they used that take of kai speaking russian with ruki and uruha trying not to laugh and then i thought

what if they tried to take it like 25 times before that but they kept bursting out laughing and then they were like ‘okay fuck it this is the last time we’re doing this’ and that was the best they could get

Writing Tips - General - Pt.2

Welcome to the second part of my general writing tips. Remember that these are just a few things I learned until now in my X months of writing fanfiction, so take everything I say with a grain of salt and do some research of your own as well.

Also, I’m making a lot of examples from my own experience because literally all I know about writing I learned through experience, so I apologize if I seem self-centered but I have no other way to explain why I think these tips are important.

As always, most of these tips are mostly true for writing fanfiction, so keep that in mind as well.


Set the tone of your story

This is something I understood when I wrote the first chapter of my second-ever multichaptered fic, where I wanted to not only focus on the romance between the characters but also show and develop my POV character’s relationship with his parents. It was also my first fully-planned AU where I had entirely made up a character’s background instead of taking things from what I knew from canon.

The thing is, despite me wanting to focus on other things as well, it was a rivalry AU, so I had to set the tone of that because it would be the main feel of the story for the first few chapters.

What did I do wrong at first?

The first draft of the first chapter started with my POV character working at his family’s shop, and while that allowed me to introduce his family and the game he and his rival (whom my MC hadn’t met yet) were playing, it didn’t really set the tone I wanted to give the AU.

How did I fix it?

Simply, I moved that scene so that it became the middle scene of the first chapter, and I set the tone of the rivalry in the first scene instead, showing how competitive my MC is. Then, I had the rivalry (which was already there off-page, before my AU started) develop further in the last scene of the chapter, so that the tone I wanted to give my AU was already all there for my readers to look forward to in the next chapters.

See, by reading my first draft, you might have thought that my AU was going to focus a lot on my MC’s family, and while it kind of also did, it wasn’t what I wanted to catch the readers’ attention with. It also didn’t fit my MC’s personality, because he’s an angry, bratty teen, and showing him while he’s in a more relaxed environment is something I absolutely wanted to do, but it simply couldn’t be the very first impression that the reader got of him.

So, try to adapt this to your own story, ask yourself if there’s a particular atmosphere you want to give your work and how you can achieve that from the very start.

I’ve never done it myself, but another way to set the tone and atmosphere (especially in fantasy settings, I feel) is having a prologue. I think that is great because your prologue can be third person POV omniscient even if the rest of your story is third person POV limited, so you can start explaining your world in a way that it might be slightly info-dumpy but it’s much better than having a character tell the entire lore or whatever in a later chapter (this is something that often feels inorganic and I think is very difficult to achieve gradually rather than in a big info-dump, so if you have to info-dump, do it in a prologue).


Understand your writing style and keep it consistent*

*(at least throughout one single story)

This is not going to be something you figure out right away (at least it’s not like that for me), but at some point, after you’ve been writing for a while, you’ll notice there are things you tend to do with your writing. That’s your writing style, which can and probably will change in your writing life as you gain more writing experience. 

Do you use a lot of metaphors? Is your style flowery or more dry? Do you use a lot of descriptions or do you tend to focus more on introspection or dialogue? Or maybe a mix of all these things? 

Not one of these things is inherently good or bad, but it’s important to know yourself and the more you know what your distinctive traits as a writer are, the more you are able to use them to your advantage and understand where your strengths lie.

For example, if you know you’re not very good at descriptions (maybe it’s because you lack the vocabulary to do so, especially if you’re not writing in your first language, or maybe it’s because you have a hard time visualizing physical attributes and objects in a lot of detail), avoid them and keep them to a bare minimum and focus on what you know you do well.


Don’t be scared to delete

Sometimes you need to completely delete a good chunk of your work. That can and will happen, and it’s hard to let it go, but if you’re at the point where you know in your gut that you have to, DO IT. Just don’t actually delete it but copy-paste it somewhere because you might need some of the plot/characterization/dialogue. 

Actually, move things around but never actually delete anything you write. Even if it’s just half a sentence that you’re trying to fix while you edit, keep it there for a bit, until you’re sure that the new sentence is better. 

This goes for your outline as well: keep it around even if you have to change things as you go, until you’re absolutely certain that you won’t need that bit anymore (I mean, virtual space costs you nothing so you might as well keep that even after that in case because why not).


World building 

I don’t have a lot of experience with this but:

  • Don’t introduce like 10 characters all at once
  • Don’t info-dump
  • Show don’t tell

Obviously not all stories need world building, especially if you’re writing canon-compliant or modern AUs.

Another thing I can tell you is: take your time. You won’t have a full world building after half an hour: you’ll still think up details as you go, while you’re writing your outline or while you shower or while you’re trying to fall asleep. When inspiration strikes, write it down. Doesn’t matter where, open your phone’s notes app, write it on your hand, but write it down because you’ll hate yourself if you forget it. Even if you can’t write it down (like if you’re in the shower - it happens to me all the freaking time) say it out loud. Literally talk to yourself and say what you would write in your outline were you sitting comfortably at your computer. This will make it easier to remember it once you can write it all down.


Names are good, use them

This is mostly a subjective point but there’s nothing wrong in using the character’s names instead of their qualities. The blonde, the brunette, the Russian, the Kazakh… I’m not trying to shame anyone here, but as a reader it’s very distracting to read a full fic where the character’s names are barely mentioned and they’re always reduced to their physical attributes or their nationality or their age. It’s not only distracting, sometimes it’s plain confusing. I read fics where one character was always “the teen”. Well, guess what, the other character was also a teen, so I never actually knew who the authors meant.

I know it can be difficult especially when writing same sex couples because their pronouns are the same. Who’s the “he” you’re referring to? But I personally find it much better to just repeat a character’s name when a simple pronoun doesn’t make the situation clear enough.

I feel like there’s also a POV problem if you keep writing things that your POV character wouldn’t think, provided you’re writing in first person (seriously avoid using anything BUT personal names or nicknames when writing in first person) or third person limited. 

There are a few cases when your POV character (POVc) would think of someone by a trait that defines them, for example hair color. Your POVc just met a group of people they’ve never met before. Maybe they even introduced themselves but POVc is like me and forgot their names right away, so they keep referring to them by things they know about them (physical traits, or “the one who almost broke my hand by shaking it” or whatever).

But would your POVc ever think about someone they know, their friend or their crush as “the blonde?” “The Russian”? Would you ever think about your SO by anything but their name? (Okay, I can kinda understand “my husband/wife” or something like that, but even those should be used sparingly and only in certain circumstances).

Basically, in most cases using anything but someone’s name is a breach of your POV limited and throws your story (even just temporarily) in third person omniscient. Of course, if that’s the POV you’re using, you have more freedom to to refer to your characters any way you like.


Don’t break your POV

While I’m at it, I might as well add this point here.

Don’t write anything from a person’s POV that they wouldn’t think/know. Of course this goes for plot points, but you should always ask yourself if it’s in-character that your POVc knows a certain name or fact.

For example, your POVc is a palace maid who was kidnapped and is currently held captive in a military camp. She would describe things she sees but she wouldn’t know military terms, or the names of every single weapon etc, so don’t use them.

Or your POVc is a teenage boy walking in a forest. Would he know the names of all the trees he sees? Unless for some reason he does (maybe he studied them at school or he just really likes nature and botany), then he most likely doesn’t, so don’t include tree names in your description of the forest.


There a few extra points that I want to make that have to do with posting your work more than with writing itself:


Politeness and common sense

Tag appropriately, especially when it comes to trigger and content warnings. If you don’t know why that’s important, there’s about a million posts on the internet that explain it.

Don’t bring your own work down. Seriously, there’s nothing more discouraging as a reader than reading the intro notes and seeing “I know this is crap”. I realize many of us were taught to be modest and belittling our own achievements is something we (might I add, girls especially) always do because we feel like it’s wrong not to, but avoiding doing it in a fic is a great starting exercise if you want to let go of this mentality. You don’t want to turn away potential readers because they think “well if the author themself doesn’t like their own work why should I even bother reading?”.

At the same time, you don’t have to fake complete confidence. By all means, write whether this is your first work in the fandom or ever, mention that the language you’re writing in is not your first, point out that your fic isn’t beta’d. Just keep a matter-of-fact attitude about it, and don’t be whiny about it (especially not where everybody will see it). It will make the reader feel better about your work and it will work wonders for your self confidence.


Visibility and feedback

Know when to post stuff so that more people will see it. It sucks to have to think this way, but the truth is, especially when writing for big fandoms, there are some “dead hours” where less people will see your content. Generally speaking I think the best hours to post on ao3 are between the late afternoon and something like 1 or 2 am European Time (basically when both the European and US/Latin American fandoms are awake and out of work/school).

Make sure you at least link your content on tumblr (you can also cross-post it so more people will see it), and tag so that it shows up in the tags page.

When it comes to feedback, brace yourself for comments or no comments. Everyone is lazy, and readers are too when it comes to leaving kudos and especially comments. This is a hard truth and there are ways to make readers aware of the importance of leaving feedback if they’ve enjoyed our (free) content, but we as writers need to be prepared for that. 

There are also types of fics that will get more comments based on their content. A really sweet fluffy fic that is lovely to read will get a different kind of response than a fic or a chapter with a big plot twist or something that blows the reader’s mind. That doesn’t mean that both aren’t good, it just means that the readers will have more to say with the second type of fic.

On ao3, a generally good kudos/hits ratio is 1/10, at least when it comes to oneshots, and a bit lower than that for chaptered fics. If you have more than that, congrats, you’re basically a god now.

Don’t get the lack of feedback discourage you from writing more. There are tons of reasons why people aren’t seeing your content or not interacting with you after they’ve read it, and it absolutely doesn’t mean that your content is bad.

If you feel like you can handle it, ask for constructive criticism. If you specifically don’t want that, mention it explicitly. Other than that, asking for general comments will usually grant you a few more than if you’re silent about it.

When readers do leave comments, even tiny ones, reply back. If you don’t, you’re rude and you’re not encouraging anyone to leave you feedback even if they enjoyed your content.

Whatever feedback you receive, don’t be discouraged and keep writing.



Other writing tips: (coming soon!)

Yuri On Ice edition | general pt.1 | plot | dialogues | characterization

anonymous asked:

Hi Bee! Could you do a college sidgeno AU? Like I just imagine cute nerdy sid taking a Russian studies class and being upset that the Russian kid in his class is ruining the curve because of course he knows all of the events

“It’s not fair,” Sid grouses, even as ‘Evgeni Vladimirovich Malkin–but call me Geno–no, call me Zhenya’ kisses his cheek and noses at his nape. “You know everything and you’re ruining it for the rest of us.”

“Ruin?” Zhenya pauses, then rolls his eyes. “You think I’m from Russia, I born knowing all names of Tsar? Okay, Sid. Tell you secret. Ivan Vasilyevich? His middle name Patrick. Patrick Bob. Only real Russian know this secret, and now I tell you. You real Russian now.”

“I hate you.”

“Maybe you cousins with Tsar Patrick Bob.”

Sid whines in annoyance, but the rest of it is drowned out when Zhenya’s kisses reach the corner of Sid’s mouth.