i just have a lot of scenery feels is all

I honestly did not realize I had gone over my first mile marker until I was editing the theme and whatnots today. I am still of course rather new to the whole ‘independent’ roleplaying scenery. A lot of you are so very wonderful, and I feel so weird right now because I have one hundred and seven people willingly following me? Like when you are in a group roleplay people are obligated to follow everyone in the group so it is not quite the same.  

Being that I am still rather the newbie this is really just a thank you post to all of my followers. I won’t be doing a shout out or anything like that because I am a shy little dumpling xD.

You are all amazing.

I don’t know how I’m going to get through these next couple of years, but I will.

I will I will I will. I know there’s still some left in me to pull through and stay focused. I still have a lot left to do. Maybe I have interests I don’t even know about yet, and this apathy- as potent as it is -I think I can put it away; I just need a change of scenery. I should save up money, too, for the trip in December. That will be a good break. I know I have it in me. I don’t understand why my feelings are so erratic all the time-why a moment of total optimism shifts to complete disregard for anything and anyone-but I think the good instances will get me through these next years. So much to do, I think. Or supposedly, you know, but fuck I…oh my g-

I just want to retreat from the world so I can cultivate an abundance of creativity & master my craft. I haven’t been feeling inspired lately even though I have a lot to gain inspiration from. There’s a plethora of ideas just running through my mind constantly. And I can’t seem to get myself to bring them to life. I need a push. I need to take a leap of faith. I need a change of scenery. I know that one day I’ll go beyond my full potential. I’ll make a difference one day with my art & vision. I just have to keep believing in myself like how others do. It’s no use to have all that support if I don’t even have faith in myself.

I want to be alone

I just want to be alone im ready to have my own place and be by myself idek why iv been feeling like that for like the past….all the time it’s just something about the privacy I really like I remember thinking to myself last night “it’s not enough” I need my own just solid place…while I’m at this point I’m also tired of my setting I need a change in some part of my scenery or something iv been having a lot of negative thoughts lately it’s almost like I’m not okay with my life right now there’s is nothing wrong or hard about my life at all it’s actually nothing to complain about to the average bear but it’s just like I need a change or like a jumpstart or something or be around different things I don’t know I’ve been caught up in my own world a lot lately more than usual for sure its so bad now that I forget where I am….kinda wish I was like my other 2 friends for example one is so into video games he is excited to play for hours and hours the other like reads books and talks to old people and stuff they are both fine with that to me that’s kind of boring…I thinks it’s hard to follow my train of thought for the like 2 readers I have so I apologize….am I’m looking for something that will never be? Am I putting in hopes and dreams that it will happen to me in my life and the reality i live in? Why do I want to be alone? The wallpaper and my background on my page is this guy from this anime I use to watch basically he was the fourth out of ten and they all stood for an emotion or feeling his was loneliness that’s why I put as my background as a symbol…I need to consult God about this cause iv been kinda mad about this whole situation for like 2 days now…