i just had feelings and tumblr is the place for them

5 things I did that improved my mental health in the last 1 year

1. I realized my worth. It was so hard because it meant letting go of those who didn’t. And those were the people that I loved. It hurt so bad. When the ropes that tied them to me were cut, I got cut too. I bled. It hurt. But then those wounds healed like wounds always do. And Now? I am free.

2. I started taking care of myself and that involved going back to the things I learned as a child. Brush your teeth. Take a shower. Sleep on time. Sleep enough. Drink loads of water. Walk. Let your skin shower in sunlight. I keep a habit tracker. It’s simple. It lets me be conscious of my daily needs and whether or not I am fulfilling them.

3. I learned that you don’t always have to respond. To what people say, to that person texting you after 8 months of complete silence, to negative comments, to accusations. It doesn’t make you a coward. Not in the least. What it really does is, is let you be at peace. But the hard part? I also learned that you don’t always have to respond to ‘I love you’ either.

4. I learned to not be extreme. Yes I don’t want to do anything with them. But do I need to burn their letters? Delete all pictures? Even when I’m not sure how that will make me feel in the long run? No. I learned to store it all away in a place I wouldn’t touch until I wanted to. It’s been a year. I haven’t once touched.

It works for all aspects of life. Had a bad day at work? Do you just yell and quit? No. Have 100 bad days at work where they don’t respect you but still continue to be silent and work? No any extreme isn’t good.

5. Food is important. So important. They just don’t say ‘you are what you eat’ to sound silly. Food is literally you putting something in yourself. You gotta be more mindful of what, when and how much you’re putting in. Don’t restrict yourself. But don’t not monitor yourself either.

How to be a courteous hotel guest

Hello! My name is Claude and I am a Texas cosplayer who also workers as a hotel housekeeper. I haven’t been working in housekeeping for very long but I’ve seen the impact of all sorts of guest and I have to say that Anime/Comic Con attendees are honestly some of the messiest guests and it puts a lot of strain on the housekeeping staff. Did you know we are warned in advance about you guys? I even have horror stories about con guest. This job is very physically demanding and we’re under a lot of pressure to meet our room cleaning times. Below are some tips about being a more helpful and respectful guest. These are only a suggestion. Not rules. Courtesy is a choice.

1.) Before leaving don’t make the bed. We understand you mean well, but all sheets need to be washed and therefore the beds stripped. The best way to leave the bed? Place all the sheets on top of the bed and remove the pillowcases from the pillows. You can leave them bunched up, that’s fine.

2.) Place all your trash into trash bags, tie it up, and leave the trash next to the door before leaving.That way we can just toss it in the trash cart and move on. Leave anything that we can vacuum. You can also leave the dirty towels next to the door before leaving.

3.) Please check all the drawers, cabinets, and closets to make sure you have all your things. Anything found will be placed into lost and found for 90 days. If you’ve left something, just call the hotel and tell them what you’ve lost and in what room.

4.) If you place a DND sign on your door we CANNOT ENTER at all. We mark it down and move on. If you later remove it and decide that you want service call the front desk and let them know because housekeeping usually end up leaving anywhere from 3pm-5pm.

5.) When housekeeping refreshes your room we make the bed, refill amenities, place fresh towels, take out trash, and do a quick wipedown. Don’t want your bed made? Need extra amenities? Need extra trash bags? Etc? Let us know! We leave notepads and pens in every room and you can write down any instructions for us. Ex: “No need to make the bed, just fresh towels and extra shampoos please.” “Extra trash bags and bath towels please, no more shampoos please.”

6.) Housekeeping cannot make the beds when you have personal belongings on the bed. Simple things like clothes and towels we move while making the bed then put back but anything else we DO NOT TOUCH. Laptops, jewels, suitcases, etc. Please keep this in mind if you want your bed made.

7.) Please do not leave your hair curlers and straighteners plugged in the bathroom. Guest always leave them connected usually next to the sink with water all over and it’s a safety hazard. Housekeeping will usually unplug them but I, personally, fear that maybe one day we won’t reach the room in time.

8.) If a hotel is Pet friendly, you still have to let the hotel know that you are bringing a furry friend along. We need to know what rooms need the pet treatment. What if the next guest is allergic and we weren’t notified about the previous guest?

9.) Try and bring some supplies to clean up after your pet. We’ve had guest allow their pets to pee and poop on the carpets and it not only affects the housekeeping staff but maintenance staff as well.

10.) Most hotels are non-smoking and we ask that you please respect that. We are trained to find out if a guest has been smoking and when we catch it, you get a $250 charge. Don’t risk it!! There are smoking areas that you can ask about.

11.) Have left over alcohol that you can’t take with you when you leave? You don’t have to throw it away. It’s very common for guest to leave them as a tip for housekeeping staff.

12.) Yes! You can tip housekeeping! It’s not required. But we constantly get tips and little notes to thank us for our work and we deeply appriciate it. (I actually have all my thank you notes!) How much you tip is up to you. Ive gotten anywhere from change to 25$.

13.) If you’re sick (like influenza, strep throat, cold, etc.) let the hotel staff know. That way we can notify the housekeepers to take extra precautions. (mask, gloves, etc) and provide a deeper clean. (I actually got Influenza B and ended up in the hospital from this one!)

14.) You don’t have to leave your room if housekeeping comes by to refresh it.  You can stay and tell us how to make your stay more comfortable. Plus, we appreciate the conversation.

15.) Please notify ANY of the hotel staff when you encounter a problem. (bedbugs, clogged toilet, broken lamps, etc) We are committed to make your stay as perfect as possible and can be reached at anytime for help.

16.) If you throw up or bleed (excessively)  in the room please notify us as soon as possible and we can have maintenance come clean up. Please do not leave it for us to clean until after your stay. It causes stains that won’t come out and a deeply embedded smell in the room.

17.) Things you can ask for that guest don’t usually know about (can vary by hotel. Some hotels require purchase.): cribs, extra blankets, shower caps, slippers, toothpaste, toothbrush, tampons, pads, razors.

That’s about all I can think of so far. Please feel free to contact me if you have questions about how to be a more courteous guest or anything about hotel service. I’ll be happy to help to the best of my ability. I cant wait to see you all at San Japan! :)

Any questions? 
@etoile-ami-cosplay (Tumblr) 
@etoile_ami (instagram) 

LEO: You really don’t want to admit it, because it’s a pretty ridiculous thought, but you’re scared of what being fully healed from the heartaches you’ve experienced entails. Because you aren’t sure of who you are when you aren’t hurting and you don’t know how to observe the world with unclouded eyes. It’s okay to be apprehensive of the sides of yourself that you haven’t had many opportunities to become acquainted with. While you may know yourself better than anybody else, that doesn’t mean that you need to be an expert on all things you. It’s okay to still be in the process of meeting yourself and figuring out who you are. You aren’t racing the clock.

VIRGO: You’re finally embracing the things you’ve been talking about doing for so long, but something feels off about it and you don’t know why. Because isn’t this the thing you’ve been working towards? Isn’t this the life you pictured yourself living after pulling yourself out of the gutter and onto the grass? I don’t think it’s right to assume that you’ve made the wrong decision here, but it’s important to remember that not everything you wrap your arms around is going to feel soft and easy to swallow. Sometimes the right decision has to hurt in order for it to be the right decision. Soon you’ll know if there’s anything that needs changing.

LIBRA: I know that trusting your instincts after being led astray so many times is a difficult thing for you to wrap your head around. You’re not the type to forget about the poor decisions you’ve made, or the mistakes you’ve given life to. However, road bumps and wrong turns aside, you are still a person worth listening to. It may seem as though everybody else has a map showing them the route to success and that yours was lost in the mail, but I’m going to let you in on a secret: nobody has a clue, a lot of us are just really good at acting as if we are. You haven’t fallen behind, you’re running with the wolves.

SCORPIO: Everyone assumes that you have a lot of love in your life but, while it’s easy to pinpoint a handful of people that have handled your heart with the utmost care, it’s easier to identify those that haven’t. At the end of the night the latter is what plagues your thoughts and wrings the tears out of your eyes, and admitting to that seems like a sign of weakness. But I want you to know that you aren’t obligated to live up to the expectations that the world holds for you. You’re allowed to make your own goals and visit your own places of interest. And the people that can’t love you for that aren’t people that you need surrounding you, anyways.

SAGITTARIUS: You have a tendency to look for yourself in everybody you meet, stacking your personality traits up like chips in a poker game that you’re destined to lose. The problem here is that in order to do this it involves reducing yourself to the most basic of traits and that isn’t what you are. Just because you can rattle off a list of acquaintances that use humor to detract from a situation in the same way that you do, doesn’t mean that you’re a carbon copy conglomerate of the souls you’ve met and interacted with. You’re unique, and you’re a lot more than simply a list of shared qualities. There are parts of you that cannot be put into words.

CAPRICORN: Has anybody told you lately that they’re proud of you? I know that things have been piling onto your windowsill and that you haven’t had the energy to clean it off yet but you’re still standing tall and you’re still here and that’s something to be happy about. Celebrating the small victories isn’t something that you’re used to doing, but it’s time that you start; it’s time that you open your eyes to all of the things that you do on a daily basis that warrant praise and positive attention. An action doesn’t have to be monumental in order to be important. You do wonderful things each and every day.

AQUARIUS: It’s been difficult to get back into the depths of your passion because there’s a really loud voice in your head saying that it isn’t worth it. A feeling of insecurity welling up in your throat and spilling out of your mouth whenever you open it to speak. Sure, your dream is big. Cynics may have told you that it isn’t worth pursuing. But there’s a reason that you’re chasing what you are, right? It’s because it makes you happy, and it makes you feel whole. And I know that it can be incredibly discouraging to stumble over things you care about, but you just have to keep walking despite all of that. Your goals are worth it.

PISCES: Lately you’ve been haunted by the memories of people that only came into your life to take. The nightmares have become an almost regular guest in your bed, taking the sheets and kicking your shins every night like clockwork. I want you to know that what you need to do in order to gain closure over the unkind past seems terrifying because it is. I also want you to know that you deserve to move on from those that have harmed your growth in the past. It may seem impossible to reach a place of contentment with the situation you’re picturing as you read this, but you’re more than capable of surviving what’s follow you. Allow yourself to thrive.

ARIES: Taking care of yourself still feels foreign, sometimes. Acting adult-like is an oversized jacket that you’re familiar with shrugging off and leaving at home despite the weather that requires its presence. There’s too much societal and social pressure to be fully grown all of the time, in my opinion. Not to say that you shouldn’t be responsible, or that you don’t already take care of the things that you need to, but you’re able to reevaluate what it means to be a successful human being. You aren’t chained to standards or rules or cookie-cutter definitions of “being a grown-up.” Don’t lose touch with the roots that mean so much to you.

TAURUS: Another ending, another heartbreak, another name written through the steam on your shower wall. It isn’t fair that you give so much and still only get apple cores and empty promises handed back to you. I know you’re starting to wonder if it really is a “you-thing,” if the absences you’ve needed to learn to exist around were created by your own hands in ignorance. While most failed connections falter on both sides of a line, that doesn’t mean you’re allowed to be mean to yourself for things that aren’t exclusively your fault. Being kind to yourself is a practice that will benefit you more than you know. It’s okay to give yourself a break.

GEMINI: Happiness is a lover that always sends you postcards but never tells you when they’re coming home. You’ve grown so accustomed to their quick scrawl reading “wish you were here” that you can almost predict each cards’ arrival after every new bout of sadness. It feels like your emotions enjoy mocking you a lot of the time, making you cry over your latest heartache while reminding you of the moments in which you felt nothing but pure and unfiltered joy. I can’t guarantee the continuous presence of bliss in your life, but I will say in confidence that it’ll always come back to you. Even when you think it won’t. Especially then.

CANCER: It’s a lot easier to let the dying embers of a fire fade into darkness than it is to stoke them back to life. I know that you’re tired of crouching next to weak flames, watching them flicker and refuse to glow despite your best efforts, and for good reason. Everybody knows that you deserve better from the world, that isn’t a question. How could you, the big-hearted lover of love, be destined for something as ugly as this? The answer is that you aren’t. Large, beautiful, fulfilling things are on their way, slowly but surely. Don’t forget that it won’t always feel like this. You won’t always view happy moments as a quick reprieve from the norm. Promise.

1. take pictures of your friends. take pictures with your friends. take as many pictures as you possibly can. even if they start to get annoyed with you, even if either of you feel “ugly” that day, even if you just took one the other day. because a day is going to come where all you’ll have is pictures and wishing you had more than what you’re left with hurts just as badly as losing them.

2. do the thing that scares you. do the thing that you’ve always wanted to do but have always been too scared to try. don’t force yourself if it doesn’t feel right but don’t be scared to try new things. as cheesy and cliche as it sounds, stepping out of your comfort zone, even for a moment, is worth it. regret is not.

3. it’s okay to hurt. if it hurts, that means it mattered.

4. sometimes, when something breaks, it cannot be fixed. there was nothing you could have done to make them change their mind, nothing you could have said to make them stay. the two of you broke apart, but that doesn’t mean you are broken.

5. heal, mourn, grieve. let yourself feel. don’t try to force the healing, it’ll come naturally, when it’s time.

6. there are going to be days when all you do is lay in bed, drink coffee, and refresh various social media apps. that’s okay. you’re allowed to rest, you’re allowed to do nothing. you don’t have to validate doing nothing.

7. you’re going to face a fear you didn’t even know you had. but you won’t have to face it alone.

8. don’t keep it all in your head. let the bad thoughts out to make room for the good ones.

9. whatever you think you did, whether it be in this life or a past life, to deserve suffering and pain does not exist. you don’t deserve to hurt. you don’t deserve to make yourself hurt. you don’t deserve to suffer. you don’t deserve to make yourself suffer.

10. you’re going to do things, you’re going to make decisions, you’re going to make yourself see things or read things that are going to hurt you. self harm isn’t limited to bruises or bleeding; you’re hurting yourself by caring about someone who doesn’t care about you anymore. that’s not to say that you should stop caring about them, but you should definitely stop checking their twitter account in the middle of the night.

11. you don’t need to look like anyone else to be a certain kind of person. you’re you and you are enough just the way you are.

12. get outside and lose yourself beneath the rays of the sun, escape to a place where it doesn’t hurt as badly as it does inside your house.

13. you’re gonna screw up, but that doesn’t make you a screw up.

14. it’s okay to set boundaries, it’s okay to distance yourself from others. it doesn’t make you a bad person, it doesn’t make you mean. it’s okay to put your own needs and wants above others. it doesn’t mean you don’t care, but you need to care about yourself first.

15. there was a person you thought you could never live without. and you will be without them. and you will still be alive.

16. you know what will make you feel worse, and you know what might make you feel slightly better – even if it doesn’t work 100%, it’s still better than doing the wrong thing. these choices are yours, so make the right one all of the time.

17. family isn’t always blood. sometimes, family can be the people who choose you and who keep on choosing you, not because they have to but because they want to. this isn’t a family you’re born into, but rather a family you find and create for yourself.

18. home isn’t four walls and a roof over your head, but rather someone that makes you feel safer than any building can.

19. happiness won’t always be so far and few.

20. never underestimate just how healing a car ride with your best friend can be.

21. you matter. you really do.

22. hope isn’t silly and though sometimes slippery, never stop clinging to it.

23. try taking your own advice from time to time. allow yourself to grieve, to be wounded, to cry, to hurt. allow yourself to heal. try to remember that one day, having all of this hope won’t have been for nothing and start promising yourself the things you promise others; that it’s going to be okay, genuinely and sincerely. because it’s the truth. you survived this year, you’ll survive the next.
—  23 things i learned at 23 // happy birthday to me
(cc, 2017)

Aries: “The floods have passed. You won.you stand victorious now, gold medal around your neck. You have conquered and won every required.  Let the flames come roaring home. Let them carry your spirit, because I know you’re tired. Let joy fill you again. The time for war cries have passed, it is now time to sing. Let the flames drape you in warmth and illuminate world. Let them restore all that has been laid to waste. It is the healing era.”

Taurus: “You’ve been at war against change for so long, ironclad in your stubbornness. If only you could see that this time is going to bestow your wings upon you. Preparing for you to take flight; from a caterpillar cemented to the ground, into a stunning butterfly. You just have to be willing to take the leap and enter your chrysalis first. This is no easy feat since there is no instant gratification here. You must put in the effort and persevere. You can do it.”

Gemini: “Time to grow quiet and reflect. You’ve wallowed in naïveté, and played in a childish mindset for too long, my dear. Being loud, screaming and laughing, jumping up and down until the ceilings rattle with joy. It’s time to silently ponder and deliberate carefully; especially in regards to what fate has in mind for you. It may not always be easy, the road may be rough. But hold on. Have faith that it all changes with time.”

Cancer: “I know sometimes the change looks scary, but it’s time to let it come. You already wore the crown and your reign was glorious. Let someone else take the stage, and pass the baton. You aren’t stepping down, just stepping aside. You don’t always have to be the image of sheer perfection. Let yourself fall every once in awhile. Being held up on a pedestal has to get exhausting every once in awhile.”

Leo: “This is it, your shining moment. All eyes on you, watching you light up the room like the sun. Take the risk, step up to the plate and give it your best shot. Aim your arrow and point it true. You cannot miss. Be sure of your steps because you’re heading in the perfect direction for you. We are all cheering you on. Can’t you hear us? We want nothing but the best for you right now.”

Virgo: “The world applauds you for all that you’ve done, but the time has finally come. Lock the door, lay down, close your eyes and breathe. Feel the weight of the world fall off your shoulders.  You do not have to carry the burden of everyone’s sins anymore. You are not responsible for kissing every single scraped knee better, and mending each broken heart. Allow yourself to focus on what you need. You can’t expect to save anyone if you yourself are drowning, my dear.”

Libra: “I know the storm is raging. The thorns sprouting from your blooming roses deprive your buds of the little sunlight they initially had. You’re feeling just as suffocated and trapped right now. Everything around you is a whirlwind of chaos, but don’t let that break you. Stand stronger than the storm pounding against you. Learn to make yourself big, even in the smallest of places.. Purchase some weed cutters; treat yourself to a solution, even if it’s temporary. Have faith in knowing that the storm will pass and the sun will radiate once more.”

Scorpio: “Heed my warning you stubborn child. Listen to me, I’ve been here before. This isn’t criticism or condemnation. It is just firm advice from someone who only wants to see the best in you. Who only wants to watch you succeed. By allowing the red haze of fury to cloud your mind, you surrender your better judgement. Every time you drink the poison you lose another piece of yourself to make room. The pressure builds inside you like a volcano and when you erupt; your pride, and joy will be your only casualties. You’re strong enough to let this shit go so, do it.”

Sagittarius: “Your words drip like venom from your fangs, digging under others skin. I know you think it shouldn’t hurt, but god does it ever. And yet, here you are, a beacon of optimism with a grin plastered on your face. What a beguiling cluster of traits you are. I can’t figure you out, and I suppose I’m not meant to. But if we could find some kind of peace that doesn’t give me anymore scars or leave you any more upset, I would call that a victory.”

Capricorn: “You’ve locked yourself in a tower for so long. Thinking that the only way to stop missing the sun’s warm glow is to never feel it in the first place. Open yourself up again. I know it terrifies you inside. But just because it gets rather cold some nights doesn’t mean the heat isn’t worth it. You can’t survive on your own forever. Eventually you’ll need to reach out. Just know I’m here waiting. Hand outstretched, waiting for your firm grasp.”

Aquarius:  "Time to look forward to a new sunrise. Grab your jacket and let’s go! You have so much to show the world and so much to accomplish. The church bells are ringing for you. Your time has come. They are calling you, coaxing you into glory. Do not be scared, this is the blank page you have been craving for. You just have to take the risk and jump. To push your fears aside, leave them behind. They won’t do you any favors.“

Pisces: “Use your innate strength as fuel for your inner flames and utilize them. You are a goddess and you own that shit! Time to start acting like it. Make these flames dry your tears, make them dance for you beneath the spotlight. Use them as a shield, or a deadly weapon. Make them your tool to carve art onto every inch of your world. Whatever you do, just make it yours. Because, Honey if you can tame the roaring flames within you- you can tame anything”

—  This Week In Astrology (Co-Written by @babygirlastro )
Some hilarious writing prompts

Alright so a few days ago I decided to look for some hilarious text posts on tumblr and I laughed so much I just had to write some prompts! (is possible to be customized)
(Send me requests with 1/1+ prompt/s. I write about a lot of fandoms and also a lot of different things : one shots/scenarios/imagines/headcanons/chats/conversations/aesthetics/alomst anything) REQUESTS ARE OPEN!

*1. Do I look like I give a fuck?
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*2. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you again for taking advantage of my compassionate and forgiving nature! HOw dare you.
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*3. Me? Overreacting? Probably.
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4. I used to be passive aggressive, but now I’m aggressively passive. Don’t mess with me kiddo. I’ll be right here. I’ll fucking forgive you.
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5. A: Whar are you doing?
B: Avoiding.
A: Avoiding what?
B: Everything.
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*6. This was impulsive. Probably shouldn’t have done it. WHO CARES?
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*7. You’re really cute and it’s ruining my life because I think about kissing you all the time.
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8. A: It’s okay, I’m not mad.
    A (5 mins later): Actually? You can go to Hell.
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9. I hate people who get personally offended when I’m in a bad mood, likeI’m not mad at you Susan (name), I’m mad at the world!
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10. A to A: Bitch, if you actually applied yourself in like…anything, you’d be dangerous ,damn my lazy ass.
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11. I don’t know what I’m feeling, but there’s a lot of it.
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12. Not to dictate your life, but drop your shitty friends.
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13. That sounds like responsibility and I want no part in it.
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14. Why am I better than everyone? Jesus, life’s hard.
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15. A: How do you make someone holy?
B: You beat the hell out of them.
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16. A: I’m amazed of how insignificant we actually are.
B: Not me, I’m important.
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17. If anyone can do it, then someone who isn’t me can do it.
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18. In the old days of one week ago things were different. Now look at us - slightly older than we were back then, other clothes and such.
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19. I’m not going to claim that I know everything, I’m simply going to act like it.
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*20. You have to “see it to believe it”, so as long as I’m not looking I don’t have to believe in anything.
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21. I’m visualising a powerful mystical energy at the moment.
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22. If I don’t learn anything from my mistakes then I don’t have to consider them mistakes in the first place.
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23. Why the hell is there always this one weak bitch in the group that isn’t down with murder? No offence though.
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24. A: If you ever feel stupid, or weak, or powerless, just remember that I, am not.
B: THanks.
A: You’re welcome.
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25. I wanna do dirty stuff with you like farming.
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26. A: What are you reading?
B: 10 tips for beutiful hair the Government doesn’t want you to know.
A: wHAT the fuck?
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27. A: I’m tired of these constant near-death experiences.
B: (opinional) don’t be a whiny bitch, bitch.
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28. Man, how many eye contact until date?
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29. God has a favourite comedy tv series and it’s called “my life”.
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30. Sometimes all you can say is “yikes” and then just on the fuck on.
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31. Why is everyone having their mid-life crisis at like 19?
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32. It’s a beutiful day to give me money, honey.
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33. Women aren’t complicated, you’re just dumb.
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34. Well this social situation isn’t going the way I acted it out in the shower.
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35. No offence, but my favourite hobby is staying hydrated and beautiful.
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36. I’m actually pretty cool if you give me like 5 tries to get it right.
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37. Today I’m feeling cloudy with a chance of sarcastic.
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38. Be prapared to add a cute emoji next to my name in your contacts list because you’re gonna love me.
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*39.A: Babe, I’m not grabbing your boob, I’m grabbing your heart.
B: That’s my right boob though.
A: Babe.
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40.Every machine is a smoke machine if you operate it wrong enough.
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41.What makes me feel like a failure the most is when I can’t remember the answet to a Harry Potter trivia question.
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42.I hate it when I’m really nice…And then people are just not that nice? Like what the fuck.
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43.Don’t look at me in that tone of voice.
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*44.Is your name candle? Because I wanna blow you.
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*45. So, was that just awkward eye contact, or were we checking eachother out?-

46.You know, having feelings is ruining my reputation of being a heartless bitch.
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47.My turn ons? Well I don’t know, maybe some fucking common sense.
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48.I may seem like an angry person on the surface, but deep inside I’m actually angrier.
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49.I ship me and that boat.
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50.Listen. I did mean to make you upset and I do think your opinions are shit. But you’re still my friend so it’s okay.
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51.Because my two moods are like glitter and death.
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*52.My kink is closing the fucking bathroom door, because no one wants to see you fucking pee!
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53.If I go to Hell I’m gonna constantly torture everyone by continuously asking if it’s hot in here or is it just me.
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54.Oh my God are you seeing this shit?
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55.Graduated top of my class from Hogwarts school of bitchcraft and misery.

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56.A (shows up at your door 10 years after we had an argument): aND ANOTHER THING

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57.I’ll betray all of you in the Hunger Games.

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58.Well, well, well, if it isn’t my old friend, the dawing realization that I fucked up real bad.

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59.I’m a screamer. Not sexually, just life in general.

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60.I’m not racist, I hate everyone equally.

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61.Tell me I’m cute or something, so I can roll my eyes at you, but then blush when I think about it later.

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62.You know when your hair is greasy and it makes you feel so bad about yourself? And your entire life. Everything is awful because my hair is greasy.

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63.True love is having a crush even when he got a haircut you know.

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64.Emotions? You know, I just push my tear back into my eye and tell it “Not now, you little bastard!”.

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65.Are we gonna hold hands, or what?

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66.My soul leaving my body, but with one of those slide whistle sound effects.

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67.A: I love you.

B: What if I got a bowl cut?

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68.I should really stop planning my future around being rich or famous…but I can’t.

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69.I’m aggressively thibking about having sex with you and trying to keep a straight face at the same time. Do you know hOW hard that is?

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70.My opinion is no.

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71.Did you fall from heaven, because so did Satan.

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72.What to hear a fairytale? Once upon a time you weren’t such a little bitch.

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73.Which is messier - my life or my hair?

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74.How can you face the problem when the problem is your face?

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75.Sometimes I wonder what it feels like to know wHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON.

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76.Read a girl who dates books.

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77.My hands are cold let me put them in your pants.

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78.I’m sorry, you must be at least level 4 friend to unlock my tragic backstory.

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79.My therapist once told me that I have this obsession with seeking revenge…we’ll see about that.

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80.You have lips, I have lips…interesting.

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81.Do my dark undereye circles and unwashed hair turn you on?

/PART TWO/ PART THREE /

so there’s a story from my life that i think a lot of inclusionists would benefit from hearing.

this story starts about four years ago, when fifteen year old me still thought i was bi and knew fervently as hell that I Am Trans. i had a terrible, terrible shoulder length haircut, and i decided one day i was going to go to my school’s gsa meeting.

now at this point i’m out to one person in the whole world, and i’m fucking shaking as i walk into this shitty public school classroom that hasn’t changed pretty much at all since like 1962. that first time, i sat on a desk in the back row shaking like a leaf and didn’t say a word to anyone.

but that year, our gsa’s president was aj, who was nonbinary and awesome, and they smiled at me and wore batman boxers and went to glsen meetings in the city on the weekend, and slowly i learned that not only could it be ok to be trans, it could be amazing.

but that is not the point of this story.

the point of this story is that that year, i felt safe. there were gay adults there who made sure we were all safe, and other gay kids who had fought tooth and nail and carved out this club from the highschool that didn’t want to give it to them. sure, there were one or two straight kids, but it didn’t matter, and they sure as hell were never excluded. they didn’t feel the need to take up extra space, or make sure everyone knew they were Straight. they were there because their friends were there, or they really believed in the cause, even if it was just giving a group of suburban gay kids a safe room.

and much like the exclusionist/inclusionist discourse, there was never a concentrated effort on either part to other each other- until there absolutely was.

my junior year, our gsa president was a cishet guy. in case anyone i know reads this, i’ll call him harry. harry was a great guy, and he really believed in lgbt rights. he shouldn’t have been president, though. because once we made the “face” of the lgbt movement in our school a straight guy, it suddenly became cool to come to gsa meetings if you were a straight kid. and believe me, you knew who was gay and who wasn’t when you walked in that room.

the straight kids would stumble in in packs of four or five, and always sit by the window, eating most of the food and laughing and whispering to themselves. they talked over us, and when i (one of the two vice presidents) ran the meetings, you could feel the giant question mark in the air. more than once, i had people misgender me, flounder about with their hands even though i had already told everyone my pronouns, and on one memorable occasion, had someone actually ARGUE with me when i said i used he/him. in the gsa. the one club in the entire school for lgbt kids. someone told me i was straight up wrong- that i wasn’t a guy.

and of course, it would be disingenuous to not talk about my own bully joining the gsa. joining maybe isn’t the word- he was there before me, and left before i joined- but he came back. he was pretty much the one kid who was the face of gay people in our school, and he was a terrible face to have. he leered at guys in the changing rooms, and watched rupaul like a religion. he was transphobic and thought being a drag queen made you trans. he thought being bi was fake, and was loud and open and vocal about all those things. he also made sure that if we were talking about trans news, everyone knew that he ‘didn’t blame that woman for freaking out that there was a trans woman in her gym’s changing rooms, because after all, trans women are just bad drag queens.’ or that 'lesbians really didn’t matter, because no one really cared about them.’ that made a difference in the tone of the room.

(edit: i rewrote this paragraph because it originally sounded homophobic. that wasn’t my intention, and i’m very sorry about that. to be clear, i am a gay trans man, but obviously that doesn’t excuse me from having to think clearly about the way i represent other gay men in my posts.)

walking into that room became more stressful then almost anything i did. i had two eating disorders, worked 25 hours a week, organized our club fundraiser, did tech and acting, and had to deal with my abuser all weekend, and walking into that room was the one thing that made my shoulders hunch in on themselves.

because in that room, everyone knew i was trans, and nearly everyone either thought i was wrong, or thought that was a fun party trick. you can imagine how welcoming it felt for 14 or 15 year old lgbt kids.

slowly, the actual gay kids left, including one of the co-presidents. she was a lesbian of color in a school of almost all white straight kids. in what should have been the one place in school where she could talk about that, she instead had to bottle it up and trade it in for leaving and never talking about it.

the next year, it was even worse. the president was cishet; the vice president was cishet. the cool gay adults who had cared about us and tried so hard to make us safe had hung up the towel, and instead two cishet teachers sat in with us. one of them refused to allow any gay interpretations of her curriculum, and actually gave one of my friends a bad grade on a paper because she argued there were gay undertones in a seperate peace. the other thought that my bully’s jokes about mexican people clamoring to marry americans at the airports (a joke that left my friend in tears when they heard it) was hilarious. the room was full of straight people. occasionally, a few of my friends would come with me, but mostly we would leave early. the cishet freshmen got into fights with the lgbt freshmen, and the lgbt freshmen stopped coming.

it took less than three years for a safe space to become an almost all straight club, all of them piling into a room to laugh at the racist gay kid’s jokes, or to gawk at the rest of us.

some of you might say “that was a small highschool club,” and you’re right!

but this isn’t a small problem.

when you let cishet people into the lgbt community as anything other than staunch, serious allies, you start taking away lgbt people’s voices. and we’ve seen this already. cishet aces got representation at pride this year, while lgbt poc couldn’t talk about how they’re being abused, assaulted and murdered at higher rates than any other part of our community. online, tumblr posted pictures of the ace flag, but excluded the lesbian flag.

i understand that you think you really do belong in our community, but you don’t. you deserve your own community, where you feel safe. where you don’t have to argue with us, where you can talk about the issues you face. but that isn’t with us, clearly.

and taking away our voices isn’t going to make yours any louder.

How I cope with my Emotional Nonsense

My brain comes with the fun little perk of really intense, overwhelming emotional reactions. My emotions are a series of on/off switches and it’s either blinding painful intensity or complete numbness. So here’s how I try to manage it:

  • Clean my room. Not like… calm gentle reorganization. No. I dump as much as I think I can handle onto the floor and put it back in its place. It’s intense. There’s usually loud angry music. Things almost always end up only slightly cleaner than they were but I feel way fuckin better afterwards.
  • Play video games. Preferably those ones where you’re way OP and just slice through enemies like butter. Or something you just plain can’t lose at, like Stardew Valley.
  • Watch vine compilations. Seriously, just search RIP Vine in youtube, click on the mix playlist, and you’re set forever.
  • Listen to podcasts. I like audio dramas. If you want recs, message me. I’ve got a list.
  • Take a walk. I’m confident in my ability to keep myself safe in doing so, so I will start walking and just not stop until I calm down. Usually I’m doing better after about half an hour for me.
  • Make something. Draw, knit, write, paint, make a fucking hand turkey. No one cares if it’s good. And even if I decide to throw it out, I usually feel better once I’ve actually made a thing.
  • Blanket fort. Really. It helps. Use a paper towel tube as a fake sword. Just… be silly and childish and imaginative. Those aren’t bad things to be.
  • Cut/dye my hair. Usually this takes a little planning but I always wind up deciding to do it during a breakdown of some sort.
  • Eat something. Sometimes a bag of gummy worms is all it takes to remember that the world isn’t entirely awful.
  • Go back to bed. Sometimes, I just don’t have the energy to put up with the world’s bullshit. And that’s okay. It’s not wise to pick this one every time, but sometimes the world can wait. I bury myself under the covers, put my phone on do not disturb, and either take a nap or listen to music.

Sometimes, I’m stuck. I can’t distract myself, and I can feel the wave coming, about to pull me under and turn me into a massive shitlord. Because I am an absolutely AWFUL person to be around when I’m in emotion-hell. Believe me, I hate myself during it too. Haven’t quite figured out what to do with it yet, but if I’m with someone I try to warn them that I’m really upset and just need a moment to freak out a bit. Then I try to just… let it pass. It’s a bad idea to talk to people you have strong feelings about, no matter the feelings, when you’re in this. Impulses are hard to manage. I tend to just ramble my feelings in a private post on tumblr or I talk to someone I don’t know that well and consequently don’t have strong feelings about. Just… keep breathing. It passes.

So yeah. Things I try to keep in mind:

  • Nothing is permanent. Our lives are short and, on a cosmic scale, relatively insignificant. The decisions I make aren’t actually that important, so I may as well have fun.
  • Our lives are the most important thing we experience. This is how we are, right now. It is so very real, so very vivid and meaningful and shapes future iterations of us. We are very much here.
  • Two opposing statements can be true at the same time. We are complex, beautiful creatures capable of complex planning and deep thought. We’re also  bumbling apes who will ingest toxic substances because we like how they feel and frequently giggle at the thought of farts.
  • People in general are too busy worrying about what everyone else thinks of them to actually notice that a bit of someone else’s hair is sticking up or that their shirt was on inside out. It happens. We’ve all had those days.
  • There is no such thing as grown-ups. Only people who have gotten very good at pretending they know what they’re doing. We learn the rules by conformity, by watching everyone else and doing what they’re doing, even if we don’t actually know what the fuck is going on. It’s okay. There’s probably someone else just as confused as you in the same room. You’ll be fine, and if you’re too lost to pretend you know what’s going on, either ask someone who looks like they know, or bullshit it and hope for the best.
  • There is good in the world. If you need evidence, look at this dog. All dogs are good.

1. You and your love are both soft and haunted and some people will come into your life and take that softness for granted. This is just how the world is, my darling, diamonds exist but so do wolves and sometimes it is the diamonds that we need to watch out for because they are made of cold and wolves still have heartbeats and are just misunderstood. Navigating the world is a hard thing, especially for girls who are made of story flavoured madness and seeking happy endings here that are harder than finding a pearl in the deepest part of ocean.

2. I have known of too many girls who have both become and died in the embrace of men that should have loved them better but chose to let them go. Both Gods and men tend to treat dreamers and romantics with an equal part of disdain and neglect. I have ached for them, but watching sadness does things to a persons mind and heart.

3. My cousin was a small girl with dreams the size of a country and determination made of a bullet that penetrated every job she ever did. I never once saw her fail and then she fell in love. Even bullets can dissolve when put in enough heat. Watching her melt from a gun to a wound was enough to teach me that alone had a lovely sound to it.

4. Alone and lonely are two different things. Alone means nights with my books. Alone means quiet star gazing and drinking tea drinking on my roof. Alone means hours of self aware retrospection in a coffee shop whilst scribbling poetry. But most importantly alone means not wilting into the arms of a man who may not appreciate the stars and poetry. Lonely is carnal. Lonely is craven. Lonely is sad.

5. I thought I was safe in my alone. But love is a wicked predator, it found my hiding place even in a forest. To do so, it set my beautiful forest of alone on fire.

6. For a while, we were happy. For a while, love almost had me believe that I was wrong. Until the day you left, like a hurricane leaves the ocean. For good.

7. I crumbled. Picked myself up. And crumbled again. Eventually I lost track of how many times I had to get up. Eventually you began to fade into the graveyard of the still living people that have abandoned me in my head.

8. I am better now. The forest of my alone finally has grown back from the ashes. Bigger and better than before, my alone is beautiful. It is slowly filling the graves you left inside me with self love and healing. My alone is softer with my heart than your love has ever left it feeling.

—  Nikita Gill, Alone
why some teens believe everything the light of their internet-capable device touches is their kingdom

(‘what about that shadowy place over there?’

‘that’s pornhub, simba. you must never go there.’)

we all see plenty of posts about how adults on the internet need to remember that ‘kids’ (read: teens) are around and we must bear that in mind. and these posts are not entirely without merit. It’s important to keep conversations being held with teens carefully teen-friendly and appropriately distant. but the entirety of tumblr and twitter aren’t designed to cater to the safety of minors, and all the adult self-policing in the world won’t make all the kid-unfriendly content go away.

not all teens believe the internet should have gutter bumpers for them, either. but those that do have mystified me for a while … until I started to understand just how pervasive ‘helicopter parenting’ is in parts of American (and UK) culture, and how that affects the adolescents and young adults of today.

anonymous asked:

a thing worth noting re anyone who pulls the ‘you can’t blacklist on mobile, minors can still see it’ thing to say even tagged content isn’t okay: even if washboard didn’t exist, the tumblr app is rated 17/18+ in app stores. if people under that age get on the app and see things they shouldn’t, that’s on them and their parents/guardians, because they shouldn’t actually have been using the app in the first place.

agreed.

Honestly, though, the argument has moved past this in some ways. It’s not so much about whether or not teenagers are allowed to see this thing or that thing; it’s a well-known fact that most teenagers will break rules if it suits them and they can get away with it, and internet time is a prime space wherein they can do so.

What’s happened is that some adolescents - teens with parents that are overly protective and crowd their schedules with supervised activities, usually - have been taught by their life experience that:

  • all adults in their vicinity are there to protect them. and no wonder: the large majority of their contact with adults will have been as supervisors. Teachers, teacher assistants, instructors, daycare employees, and coaches are all adults who are paid to watch their activity and will be held responsible for the teen’s wellbeing by their guardians. when have they ever spent time with adults who aren’t in charge of making sure they’re safe?
  • any space they are in will be designed and maintained with their safety and comfort in mind (no matter how they obtained access). all spaces they enter are specifically meant to revolve around them: schools, sports, playgrounds, etc. The few occasions that they have to enter spaces not meant specifically for them (stores, etc) they are closely watched by adults and any harm they experience will be blamed on adults as a result.
  • if they can get access, it must be a space that’s safe for them. Having spent very little of their lives unsupervised, they have always been actively prevented from entering spaces that are not meant for them. They’ve never had to learn to set boundaries for themselves, so they naturally reason that if a boundary is not actively enforced, it must actually be a space they’re meant to enter.
  • they are not responsible for themselves. adults around them are responsible for them. if they come to harm, it’s because an adult wasn’t doing their job properly.

for teens of this mindset, ‘18+ ONLY’ warnings are merely a suggestion. Nobody is stopping them, after all, and it has never been their job to stop themselves. and if they can get access, the space is now theirs - because all spaces they are in are theirs. they couldn’t get there unless it was meant for them; that’s how it works, right?

This is why some teens are utterly flabbergasted by the idea that adults on the internet want to interact with fellow adults on an adult level in a space the teen can access. They’re here! That means the space is specifically meant to cater to them! The adults are automatically tasked with their safety! If teens do get into trouble, it’s because the adults weren’t responsible enough! that’s how this has always worked.

And when adults say ‘no, I do not take responsibility for your actions, the internet is full of things that may frighten or harm you and you must set your own boundaries,’ it’s distressing and scary all at once.

(no wonder so many people in their late teens/early 20′s want to still be considered as children.)

EDIT (10/9/2017, 4 days after originally posting): if you’re seeing this post in its original form, I hope you’ll read some of the excellent reblogs disagreeing with it. I think that this post kind of misses the point, which is: some of it may be emotionally invaded teens, but some is just that teens who grew up around this kind of behavior from their parents and adults have learned that they can use their minor status as a kind of power play and thus stand up to demand coddling in fandom spaces.

the culprit that I still maintain is the heart of the problem is the structure of sites like tumblr and twitter, which knocked down all barriers and moderation in fandom and made fandom feel chaotic and uncontrollable. we’re all looking for ways to control our experience in an environment of this kind; some find it by demanding others change what they produce, and others do it by curating what what they see of the production of others. this post doesn’t reflect that well, however, and I apologize for talking down to teenagers who have the agency to think for themselves no matter how their parents behaved. 

Why Dungeons and Dragons will Help your Novel

Alright guys so lets be real, raise your hand if you’ve ever played DnD? Now put it down. Ok, now raise your hand if you write and want to be published one day? See? Waaayyyy more of you are here. “But what does DnD have to do with my writing career?” you ask? Well my friend, DnD is a great writing tool that I think is completely underused in the writing community. This is especially true regarding ~helping~ underdeveloped characters and worlds. 

Keep reading

Just while we’re on the subject of spelling and grammar, I do appreciate when people point things out to me. Sometimes I do make mistakes, sometimes it’s autocorrect. Other times it’s a pun (forever the curse of a pun lover) and it goes over other people’s heads. Other times I’m writing something off the cuff and in rapid fire and I’ll miss things here and there in the quick scan I do before moving on to the next thing I need to do on here so it feels like I am not ignoring people. 

But here’s the thing, people sending me “wow you’re an editor and you type like that? lol” messages? Is a dick move for several reasons and I’ll tell you why…

First of all: I am not at work when I am on tumblr. I might as well be my second full time job at this point, but I am not in actual fact on the clock when I am here.

I am not at work when I am texting someone unless I am texting them as a client. I am not at work when I am having conversations with people online, unless they are my client. 

You can correct my grammar or my spelling if you want, but don’t make some derisive comment about me being a writer and an editor and not being able to type and make it into a thing like “wow I guess  could be an editor too if it’s that easy” just because you’re being pedantic with someone you are having an informal conversation with. 

It takes more than the ability to spell and get your grammar right 100% of the time to be an editor. It is not an easy job to be an editor. Which is why when I am not at work, my typing goes to absolute shit because I don’t have the excess energy to expend on that level of concentration when I am not working. Or sometimes just plain don’t give a shit. Like, I do not care. My typing is imperfect when I am talking rapid fire, sometimes with multiple people over multiple platforms at once. Woopdiedoo.

And when you’re mean about it? When you say? “I can’t help it, I know it doesn’t matter but it annoys me when people can’t spell”? 

You’re not only admitting that you don’t care enough to regulate behavior which you know is rude to others, you are also being ableist and quite possibly racist as well. 

Not everyone finds it easy to write, and I don’t mean that in the creative sense, I mean that in the very basic sense that some people with learning difficulties struggle to read and write. 

This does not make them less intelligent than you. It does not make them less brilliant than you. It does not mean they give any less of a shit about something important than you do, or are any less deserving of your respect and civility than some asshole who is an asshole but who knows how to use an em dash correctly.

I’ve dropped clients who had good grammar and spelling, but I just plain couldn’t deal with their attitude, and stuck with the people apologizing over and over for how much work I have to do on their manuscript because they know. They know they’re not as good as everyone else and the social stigma around it is so overwhelming it undermines everything they will ever do.

Other people may also not come from the same culture as you, speak the same languages as you, or have had access to the same opportunities you have had. If their way of communicating is understood but doesn’t conform the views of intelligence, quite frankly instilled by White Nationalism and Colonization and you tear them down for not conforming to your limited world view of propriety? They’re not the problem here, you are.

Someone’s ability to spell does not indicate their value or worth, or even the time they have put into something. I see so many rebuttals on this hellsite and on other places, where people go out of their way to invalidate the words of other people simply because they mixed up “your” and “you’re”, even though it doesn’t stop their meaning from being understood (and honestly it’s most likely auto-correct and you know it), but hey I guess it’s just way easier to tear someone down based on an arbitrary and false idea of assigned intelligence and societal worth based on their use of English grammar than it is to come up with an actual rebuttal. Boy aren’t you a hero.

So just…like…I get it, I get you see something and it’s incorrect and part of you may niggle at it and yes there are times when “perfection” is not only expected but required and spelling and grammar is important (or else I wouldn’t have the job I am very good at). But just, I dunno, quit being a dick to people because you’re a pedantic asshole who wants to feel superior. 

At the end of the day we’re all just sentient atoms hurtling towards the same unknown. The least you can do is be kind.

2

He Sean,

I really hope you read this. I’m writing this now since it’s still fresh in my head at the moment. I can’t wait until tomorrow. I’m sorry for any grammar mistakes, btw.

I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I had the best (Thurs)day and evening ever with you, Wiishu, Dan and Arin. I waited with my sister for you at the airport. It took a while but there you were with Wiishu. You were surprised but delighted at the same time. I wanted to say so many things and all I could say was: You must be tired, and rambled on about how long your flight must have been and what not. Everything except for the things I actually wanted to say.

That’s ok. I still had Friday evening and the Q&A. The moment was there. We all could ask questions and I had one at the ready, but every moment Vernon came near I started to feel more and more nervous and my social anxiety kicked in hard. At that moment I asked my sister if she wanted to ask my question. Well… you may remember she didn’t ask a question but said how much you meant and still mean to me. Last year was…rough. You and Mark helped me to stay positive and not lose hope in humanity. You both keep me smiling. 4 Video’s a day I had to look forward too (2 from you, 2 from Mark). This year was finally a year where everything is falling in to place in my life and I sort of know what I want eventually. I’m working hard on it. I’m having such a good time at the moment that I have trouble to find time to watch your videos! 

Even now I still don’t know how to put my feelings in to the right words. The trouble I’m now facing is that I get emotional every time someone says it’s ok, “give yourself some credit too” and other uplifting words. I’ve always heard that it’s gonna be hard for me, what I want to do. I shouldn’t be doing this and that. Not by my parents and siblings, though. All the love for them. But it’s really demotivating to pick anything up when other’s don’t see the hard work you put in things and doubt you as a person.

Anyway, my sister caught me of guard with her speech. My anxiety was already on a high level and her putting me in the spotlight broke me down. I’m definitely not mad at her. She said the things I couldn’t say and I’m glad she did. I still feel like I want to say more, but I just simply can’t find the words. I just really hope you read this letter and hopefully I’ll see you again. May it be at VidCon Europe (*wink wink*) or at your EU tour of your own show.

Again from the bottom of my ♥

♥ THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING! ♥

Love,
Paula

@therealjacksepticeye

Destiel, Bi!Dean and preparing the audience for a “shocker”.

I just did a re-watch of 12x10 and it really got me thinking again about Benjamin and Cas’s talk in the car with the boys about Benjamin and his female vessel.

At the time the episode aired, I think I was so excited about the prospect of Cas being in a female vessel, and how this could potentially shift a heteronormative audiences perception of Dean and Cas that I didn’t realise just what else they were trying to do.

This is about reassurance.

This is the conversation that was had in the car:

CAS: Benjamin is always very careful. Long ago, he found a powerfully devout vessel in Madrid, and her faith, it… she gave him everything – her trust and her body.

DEAN: Wait. So Benjamin’s a woman?

CAS: Benjamin is an angel. His vessel is a woman. But it – it’s – it’s more than that. She’s not just his vessel.

Just this small exchange is important as exposition for the audience. It is about preparing the audience for what is coming up. The idea that Cas was also once ‘a woman’. Which, okay, no he wasn’t a woman, he just had a female vessel, but imagine how that would have gone down had this exchange not taken place? Imagine how a general audience would have reacted to Cas and his female vessel had Benjamin just been another angel in a male vessel?

Probably a lot like the way Dean acted here, with confusion.

By giving us the Benjamin character and this particular scene as well, the writer has successfully prepared the audience for Cas in his female vessel. Preventing raised eyebrows and confusion because the audience will remember this conversation and apply it to Cas.

“Castiel is an angel, his vessel WAS a woman. His vessel is now a man, Cas is still a dude and it’s not weird. Cool beans.”

(when I think of a general audience watching SPN lets just say that I certainly don’t think of the fandom or tumblr. I think of my brother and that is something I won’t get into here. Heteronormative doesn’t even begin to cover it.)

The fact is, making one of your three main lead male characters a woman for an episode is a weird thing to do, the kind of thing that would probably make some audience members uncomfortable. So adding in this exposition, this reassurance, removes that level of discomfort, it gets them used to the idea first, like a buffer.

See for a show like SPN, whilst its always been a bit weird with its story lines, it’s never been all that progressive. As much as we would all like to wish that all SPN viewers were like us – liberal forward thinking people who are willing and eager for TV to break a few taboos – the chances are that is very much not the case. Its an old show, it has an established audience (apparently a bipartisan audience amazingly) and therefore breaking boundaries the way more modern shows have (such as American Gods, How to Get Away with Murder and Orange is the New Black) just isn’t really in the cards. Those shows established the taboo stories, the queer main characters, the representation, from the start. They built their audience on those foundations. SPN can’t do that without isolating part of its audience – unless it thinks very carefully as to how it may present such notions.

I hope I am explaining this in a way that makes sense. See this is of course about Bi!Dean and Destiel (as if anything on my blog WASN’T about those topics). Because here’s the thing. On any other, newer show, for Dean to come out as bisexual, for two male lead characters to enter into a homosexual relationship, it wouldn’t be a big deal. Those shows could build their audience around those concepts, because they would be ingrained into the show from the start.

For Supernatural, that sadly isn’t the case. SPN didn’t clearly establish Dean as Bisexual early on, and Destiel isn’t canon, it has always been the subject to interpretation with just enough ‘no homo’ so that anyone who chooses not to see it doesn’t have to (again, excluding 12x19 but we’ll get there)

One of the biggest hurdles to getting bi!dean and canon destiel, is for the SPN creators to overcome this fear that half their audience would reject them if they actually went there. It would be seen as coming ‘out of the blue’ and all those heteronormative people would raise their eyebrows and moan and be utterly confused by it.

That’s why Supernatural needs the buffers. It needs the gradual exposition, the subtle desensitisation of a general audience to anything even mildly “progressive”. If Supernatural wasn’t putting these buffers in place already, I would think we would have a problem. I would be much more apprehensive at even the idea that destiel could be a thing that is actually happening.

What is so fantastic, is that just like in 12x10 with the fem!Cas buffer that was Benjamin, we have already been getting buffers all throughout the last few seasons.

Here are some of my favourites:

  • Jesse x Cesar – 11x19 – These guys are my absolute favourite, they were created specifically to show the audience that you can be a gay man and also a macho man. That gay men aren’t stereotypes, that hunters can be gay and settle down and especially that gay romance doesn’t change the theme of the story. The big take away from this episode is that it shows the general audience that men like Dean Winchester can be gay/bisexual.
  • Hannah – 10x17 – This was a real eye opener for any Cas x Hannah shippers. Because Cas didn’t treat Hannah any different, and he had exactly the same warmth and affection for Hannah in her male vessel that he did in her female vessel. Basically this was a nice punch in the face for any homophobes watching. SPN doesn’t care about your heteronormative ships. You wanna ship Hannah x Cas? Fine! But Hannah’s in a dudes body now and guess what? Cas doesn’t care! How do you feel about THAT?
  • God is Bisexual – 11x20 – This was just a nice big fuck you to homophobes everywhere. Don’t like queer characters? This is NOT the show for you! Because in our world even GOD is queer! Yay for LGBT representation! It works as a buffer because once again it is sending a message to the general audience that this is the kind of thing you can expect on our show. We are changed now.
  • Dean rides Larry – 12x11 – Okay so maybe it’s not an obvious buffer, but it is kind of a subliminal message so I’m counting it. Dean riding that damn bull was the most sexual scene we have had on this show in seasons (and no that god awful thing that happened in 12x02 doesn’t count – nor does the same god awful thing from 12x08). The jokes alone, the sexual innuendos. This entire episode is loaded with subliminal messages basically screaming at the general audience to maybe just consider the fact that Dean likes guys.
  • 12x06/12x20 – Max Banes – like Jesse and Cesar Max works as a buffer because he is another way to get the general audience used to the idea that characters that are similar to Dean Winchester can be queer and it’s no big deal. Max is badass, funny, smart and charming and also 100% canonically queer (whether gay or bi we know textually that he is totally into dudes). Sam and Dean don’t bat an eyelid at his sexuality, so neither should the audience. It is just one part of his character and certainly not what his story is all about. Max is proof that you can have a queer character who is a badass and a hunter whose story is basically nothing to do with their sexuality. Their sexuality just happens to be a part of who they are.
  • And finally – Destiel – season 12 – I’m making this its own buffer because honestly? There is no way to view Dean and Cas’s relationship as non-romantic at this point. I think that the writers have slowly been turning up the dial on Destiel probably since 11x18. 12x19 really drummed it in for us though. The angel/human love themes of 12x10, the textual “I love you” in 12x12, the MIXTAPE and everything else about 12x19. This is all preparation. It is indeed a build up to a reveal. Destiel is it’s own buffer and even if people do still accuse it of ‘coming out of nowhere’ once it goes canon, all the writers have to do is gesture at season 12 and the fucking mixtape scene and say to those people “in what universe does the gifting of a mixtape between people who are not explicitly related NOT have romantic connotations?” Only a fool would argue with that if they had any knowledge of pop culture history. Sorry, but that’s the truth.

Anyway, that’s my thoughts on that. A show with a long established audience about to make a move that could potentially appear (but not really) out of left field would need to build up that move through a series of well thought out buffers, symbols, themes and subliminal messages before actually making it.

Like how Benjamin was the writers way of normalising Cas’s female vessel, the past two seasons have been a journey to normalise bi!dean and destiel in preparation for making both of these things explicitly canon. Yes we still have a way to go - it still needs to be stated explicitly in the text that Dean is into guys, in love with Cas bla bla bla, but we are getting there.

In summary. Destiel is endgame. Dean is bisexual. The general audience better learn to throw their heteronormative goggles in the bin because this is the state of this show right now, and it is good. 

We Don't Owe you Anything

Hey there witchy community I think it’s time we had a heart to heart. I’ve been seeing a lot of disgusting behavior this past week or so and I think it’s time we all have a little refresher on how to be decent people.

If you are asking someone a question, or for help or for resources or for suggestions keep in mind you’re asking a favor.

Favors are not something you get to demand and expect out of thin air. Favors are requests. As in, you are requesting aid. This does not ensure you will receive it and nor should you expect to.

A favor is an act of kindness.
It is not a requirement.

If someone is offering help or aid as a general statement on their blog it does not mean you are entitled to that help or aid.

1. Taboo Topics
You may ask a question about a topic the blogger doesn’t want to answer. They aren’t obligated to answer you. Say you ask about animal sacrifice or cultural appropriation or sex magic. They don’t have to answer you. They don’t even have to reply to you. They don’t have to do ANYTHING they don’t want to do.

Instead phrase your question so you ask permission first. “Is it alright to ask you about sex magic on this blog?” And then WAIT FOR A REPLY before asking. Yeah, it takes a little longer but if you’re asking another person to invest their time why can’t you invest your own?

Even this question doesn’t have to be answered. They are allowed to ignore you. It is THEIR blog.

2. You Do NOT Get to Dictate Tone
Get an answer you don’t like? Tough.
If you don’t like the answer ask someone else or research on your own. If someone answers in a way you perceive to be negative or hostile either unfollow, block, or ignore it. You don’t get to tell someone how they are supposed to reply to you after you ASK THEN A FAVOR.

3. People Have Lives
Unless a blog has mods they are usually run by a single person. Usually that person has a job, is in school or both. They run their blog and help out because they want to. Their schedules and their lives exist outside this website. If an answer isn’t given as promptly as you like tough shit. Get over yourself. Ask someone else or look it up yourself.

4. Check FAQs, Abouts, Directories & Links
If you ask a question that has already been answered you’ll likely get a link to the places you should have already checked. If you’re asking someone else for their own time INVEST YOURS. CTRL+F and a 10 minute glance over is not a big deal. Do it.

5. We are Not a Search Engine
If you want to know spell compenents for “honey” use Google, use Bing use Tumblr tags… If you want a personal answer phrase the question that way.

“Have you used honey in your witchcraft before? If so what sort of spells did you use it for? Did it work out?”

Have a conversation instead of demanding a reply. If it is interesting we are more likely to enjoy answering it.

6. Ask Appropriate Questions
If someone isn’t Wiccan asking them questions about Wicca doesn’t make sense.
There is an entire tag for Wicca that you have at your disposal. If you want a person’s specific perspective on a topic ask THAT question. “How do you feel about Wicca and do you incorporate any aspects of it in your own craft?”

7. Time Sensitive is Not Absolute
Even if you have an ask that is an “emergency” or time sensitive doesn’t mean it gets priority or that it will be answered within the window. Some people compose long answers to posts and research and add sources. Some people have huge backlogs of asks. Some people only answer asks on certain days. Just because you have time restraints doesn’t mean others have them as well.

Remember that you are asking someone to help you and that they aren’t obligated to.

If you really want help being polite and kind is a lot more likely to yield results than to demand and expect.

THE NINE TIMES STEVE GAVE YOU A FUNNY LOOK

Originally posted by themarvelnerd

Pairing: Steve x Reader, Bucky x Reader (Platonic), Avengers x Reader (platonic)

Warning(s): the kinda language Steve would smh at

World Count: 3827

Author’s Note: I got so into this it’s not even funny. After like, two years of not doing anything on tumblr, it isn’t surprising that i write a Steve oneshot for the first time since. But on that note, I don’t only do Steve works, please feel free to request other characters and/or fandoms: masterlist - prompt list.

Preference ★ Imagine ★ One Shot ★ Drabble




[Y/N] [Y/L/N] was an asshole.
You were an asshole.
You are an asshole.

You were slightly narcissistic with an ego as big as the tower, you were very beautiful, and the last person on earth to ever be considered shy.

That made you and Tony Stark best of pals (most of the time), and you and Steve as foes (all the time). He wasn’t rude or a jerk or at all hostile, Steve was just always on edge with you. He didn’t know whether or not your jokes were jokes (you always reverted back to slitting your enemy’s throats – Steve being a righteous guy and all, he wasn’t all that optimistic with that choice), or if you really were here to save people and not for the money the government and Tony Stark paid you — eh, what can you say, it’s very, very good money.

Humble was also not on your list of qualities.

Bold red lips, a wide grin to showcase your pearly white teeth, and heart shaped sunglasses. That was you in your room as you blasted out music at exactly 2100 hours.

You and Steve shared a floor in the Avengers tower.

Why? It was a decision that was absolutely not your choice, but you had no problem with it. Fucking with Steve was fun.

See, Tony had a whole floor to himself, same as Bruce and Vision. Nat and Clint were right below them (Clint usually at his place with Laura, though), Sam and Scott also had their own floor, Wanda and Pietro, then last but not least, Thor either in Asgard or London with Jane – which then pretty much left you and Steve together. Peter kind of lived here during the day then and back at his apartment with May during the evenings. He was a total pest.

A knock went by unnoticed by you. But an upset looking Steve did. He stalked into your (much larger) room and paused your music. He turned and gave you a look.

You raised your brow as you paused your late night dancing. You pushed your sunglasses further down your nose to peak up at the Captain. “Captain.” You greeted, nodding your head towards the brooding soldier once. “May I help you?“ You raised your perfectly sculpted brow in questioning.

Steve took a deep breath and crossed his (also very large) arms. “Your music was too loud and I’m trying to sleep. Can’t you at least keep it down?”

You snorted. “It’s barely nine o'clock, grandpa.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “I’m not a grandpa.” He grumbled with an offended frown. “Just turn it down, will you?”

You smirked and pushed your glasses back up. “Oh, I’m sorry, have I spangled your stars, grandpa?”

With a final narrowed stare, Steve twisted his Dorito-body around and stalked back to his room.

You chuckled and resumed to your midnight dancing with wine.

That was the first time you got on his nerves. It was also the first time you were on the receiving end of his very famous looks.




The second time you received a stupid look was during a mission - in the middle of combat, mind you. This stupid robot who called himself Ultron was trying to ruin everything, and apparently, it was up to you and the rest of the Avengers to stop him – or it. It’s not that you wanted to. it was kind of what Tony Stark paid you to do. And like hell would you pass up Tony Stark’s pay checks.

Steve trusted you now, at least. You only saved his ass, like, a hundred (three) times after S.H.I.E.L.D. fell and he found out his best friend from seventy years ago was still alive. A wild ride, that year was.

Anyway, you and the team were in Sokovia fighting robots.


ROBOTS.


Fuck this shit, if the money wasn’t so good you’d drop your signature double pistols and walk the opposite direction. But one, your pistols were very delicate (silver with diamonds), and you were asked very nicely to stay by Bruce - and you could never say no to Bruce.

In hindsight, the view wasn’t so bad and I guess – I guess – that saving people felt a little good (don’t tell anybody). Sokovia was so far high into the sky that you could have sworn that you could see angels flying around in the distance – some helpful angels, huh.

The sky was beautiful, though. And so was Captain America’s ass.

You beamed at the sight and turned to Steve. “Hey, Cap?” You called out, shooting a robot.

Steve grunted in acknowledgement as he kicked another robot and decapitated it with his shield. “What?” He gave you a glance that barely lasted a second.

You shot another robot. Then another. Then another. Then you turned to him. “Nice ass.”

That was look number two.




"Hey F.R.I.D.A.Y.?”

"Yes, Ms [Y/L/N]?”

"What’s your faculty on nicknames?”

"Activated by Mr Stark, Ms.”

"Huh … so, like, what are you allowed to call me?”

"Whatever you ask, Ms [Y/L/N].”

“Right, right … how about Supreme Leader [Y/L/N]?”

"Activated,  Supreme Leader [Y/L/N].”

"Huh … thanks F.R.I.D.A.Y.”

"Of course, Supreme Leader [Y/L/N].”


Of course, that didn’t go unnoticed for long. You were eating dinner with the team – something that didn’t happen often – and Steve took this time to lecture the team about a mission in a few days time. Three days, to be exact. It was located in Paris, and you were all to attend a gala crawling with HYDRA agents, mercenaries, psycho bitches, and anything else in between.

“ – so we’ll go over the plans again after dinner – ”

You groaned loudly and threw your head back. You dropped your knife loudly causing a clink made by the knife and plate. “Rogers!” You whined, “We went over this yesterday! And this morning at breakfast! And two seconds ago while I tried to enjoy my dinner in peace, fighting the urge to grab this fork and shove it through my eye – ” you ignore his wince, “and now again tomorrow?! If you even bring this stupid mission up again, I will resign.” You threatened. “Resign, you hear me. R. E. S. I. G. N.” Drama Queen is also in your list of qualities. “F.R.I.D.A.Y. tell him.” 

Natasha rolled her eyes, Sam cleared his throat, Steve still had his wince and sullen/guilty face, Clint looked bored as he played with his peas, Thor looked confused, Pietro look amused, Wanda was too busy chatting up Vision, Scott was – where was Scott? Tony had a smirk, and poor Bruce just didn’t know where to look. Peter just chewed his chicken in anticipation, looking back and forth between you and Steve for a reaction.

F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice rang out soon enough. “Of course, Supreme Leader [Y/L/N].” Then the AI began repeating your every word.

Natasha’s brow shot up. “Supreme Leader? Really?”

“ – And this morning at breakfast. And – ”

You shrugged your shoulders.

“ – seconds ago while I tried to enjoy my dinn – ”

Steve groaned. “That’s enough, F.R.I.D.A.Y., please stop.”

“Yes, Captain.”

You rolled your eyes. “Traitorous bitch.” You mumbled.

Cue look number three.




The fourth time you received a look was when Steve was fixing a lightbulb and he suddenly found himself on the floor. He did know you guys hired people for that kind of work, right?

Anyway, you and Pietro - bored as hell and without anything to do - you both decided to race from the ground floor of the Avengers tower, to the very top – on foot – using the staircases.

And the silver asshole was absolutely not allowed to use his powers. If he did, you had every right to shoot him in the shoulder with your trusty diamond pistols and he would have to take it like a man. He promised so, himself. “Scouts Honour.” Pietro said, saluting you.

To which Wanda replied with a snort and, “What Scouts Honour?”

You were enhanced, yes, but you were tired. Not too much, just enough not to be tired after running twenty-six flights of stairs. You and Pietro both slammed into Steve’s ladder as he fixed a lightbulb.

You didn’t even bother looking back.

You could not lose this bet.

The entire time you ran, you repeated the same thing in your head over, and over again. Run, Forrest, Run! Whatever - If Pietro won, you had to massage him whenever he felt like it for an entire month. If you won, well, he had to give you a piggy back ride whenever you felt like it. Also for a month.

Steve was really upset after that. He wouldn’t look at you for a week, and when he finally did, he gave you a long lecture about racing inside the tower. “Blah, blah, blah, someone could get seriously hurt, blah, blah, blah, if I see you two race again, blah, blah, blah.”

You leant over towards Pietro who sat beside you. He was also slouched on his chair, eyes looking at the ceiling in boredom. “Are you also feeling the urge to shove your foot up his ass?”

That was look number four.




Look number five + look number six was kind of your fault.

Steve had arrived after being gone for months. He, along with Sam, had been off around the world searching high and low for James Buchanan Barnes. You wanted to go, you really did. Despite your love for annoying the living shit out of Steve, you still cared about him more than you let on. That was not your fault. How? Well, you know the whole shebang: 

Tragic back story: check. Trust issues: check. Daddy issues: check. Issues with not being able to express how you feel without wanting to physically vomit: check.

However, it was in your job description to be able to read people. You were an intelligent person. You knew a lot, you sensed a lot, you observed a lot. You just didn’t show it a lot. And without saying anything, you knew how people felt and most importantly, what they needed.

And Steve just needed his own space – Sam excluded. You were actually kind of jealous of Sam (tell anyone, and you won’t live until the next day). Sam was kind of Steve’s boyfriend (along with dear old Buck-a-roo and Tony).

So while he was gone, you kept your distance. Steve didn’t need any more on his plate, let alone more of your shit. Whenever he called the team for a report or to simply catch up, you never said anything. You had told the crew to just inform him that you were on a mission, in the gym, or off gallivanting somewhere - anywhere, really.

Steve really cared about you though, you knew that. Every time he called he’d see if you were there. And you were. You were there, right behind the monitor that projected him along with the the camera that projected the team from your end. Your face would be resting on your hand, your elbow propped the table. You actually smiled whenever he asked about you. It was cute.

Anyway, you kind of deserved look number five.

Steve had finally arrived with Bucky by his side. Sam had already said his hellos and received his welcome-home handshakes and hugs. Steve stayed behind the Quinjet for a few short minutes before hopping off and finally introducing the famous James Barnes. 

But you didn’t know that.

And neither did Scott.

You two weren’t racing – nope. You were simply just running to get to the last slice of cake in the main kitchen. In both your defence, it was the last slice of the cake Pepper brought home from Paris. Paris. You loved Paris. And apparently, Scott did, too. If that wasn’t worth running for, what the hell was?

You distinctly remember Pepper saying that it was from Paris, and that it was the best cake she’d ever tasted.

So, without looking, you barged through the team yelling bloody murder. Scott was a little behind seen as though you’d throw whatever the hell you could at him. That last slice was yours, and ramming, pushing, throwing off the building, and threatening whoever you needed to just to that slice, you would sure as hell do it.

You felt your hip slam into a corner of a table: ignored. You tripped over a step: ignored. You felt your shoulder ram into a very strong and metal-like object: ignored. You saw a couch: ignored + jumped over.

But alas, you held in your hand … the slice.

A grin erupted on your face. Poor Scoot looked crestfallen.

“Sorry, Lang. This one’s mine.” You grinned.

A clearing of the throat made you jump. What the hell did they want? 

When you looked up, you saw the entire team + Steve + The Winter Soldier.


Well, shit.


“Oh.” You trailed off. You gave Steve a sheepish smile. “Hi, Steve, good to see you again. Did I tell you I missed you? Because I did.”

“Didn’t I tell you to stop running in the tower?” Steve stared into your [Y/E/C] eyes with his blue ones.

“No. You told said to stop racing.”

Steve didn’t reply. Instead he gave you look number five.

You chuckled nervously and stalked towards them. “Sorry.” You looked to Sam and gave him a large hug despite already giving him one earlier. Your right hand still refused to let go of the platter of cake. Then you looked towards James Buchanan Barnes.

Steve cleared his throat. “Buck, meet [Y/N] [Y/L/N]. [Y/N] [Y/L/N], meet Bucky.”

Neither of you did anything. Just kinda stared at each other in thought. He tried to read you while you tried to read him.

He was lonely.

Okay, you thought. So you reached your right hand up and gestured him to take your plate. “Here you go. Nice to meet ‘cha.” 

Steve gave you another look, only, this one was different. It looked funnier – more odd and curious. A look that you had never seen before. That was look number six.

And this time, you didn’t see anyone’s reactions. You just stared at James Buchanan Barnes, while he stared at you, to the cake, then back to you again. 

Thus, a beautiful friendship was born.




Few months later,
Look number seven.


You found yourself in this position a lot, it seems. It would be two in the morning, your head in your hands and your ears perked up.

As an agent, you were trained this way. Your mind had its own mind. Every morning at exactly one o'clock your eyes would flutter open, and without a single thought, your body would move almost mechanically. You’d get up, wash your face, then throw a hoodie over your head. Afterwards, you’d find yourself sitting on the edge of you bed, head in your hands, and your ears waiting for Bucky.

After sleeping in the same floor as Steve and Bucky, Bucky’s room was right across yours. Both your doors were so close you could stand in the hall way, spread your arms, and you’d be able to touch both your door knobs.

Insomnia was something you had as a child. It came very naturally. So, as a cure, you’d take sleeping vitamins – not pills. Though it would help you fall asleep, it was up to you to keep yourself asleep. Five hours was your maximum. If your sleep was disturbed, that’s when you would wake up every day from then on unless you trained yourself otherwise all over again. That could take days, or even weeks going up to months.

So every day, it was up to you. You didn’t want Steve waking up and losing precious sleeping hours. So instead of training yourself to sleep for five hours all over again, you allowed yourself two hours of rest every night. From then on, you’d stay awake and listen for Bucky’s screams.

Then you’d find your feet silently landing on the floor and rushing towards Bucky’s room.


Here are your steps:

  1. Lightly press a pillow on Bucky’s metal arm and cover it.
  2. Sit on his arm to keep him from attacking you.
  3. Softly say his name as many times as it takes for him to wake up.
  4. Press your body harder onto his as he thrashes around.
  5. Then hug the hell out of him and cradle his head when he wakes and begins to weep.


This would have been the one hundredth time you’ve done this. Even now, you could still remember the fourth time you had done this. You had accidentally left Bucky’s door ajar.

You were observant and smart. 

You knew Steve was there.

You guessed you just took a little longer that time to wake Buck up.

You definitely saw Steve’s look then. And again, this look was kind of different. It was a funny look that you had no idea how to read.

The fact that this look was so different, to say it irritated the hell out of you was an understatement. Out of the both of you, it was meant to be you that got under his skin.

You hated feeling this way.




Nowadays, you’ve been more confused than in control.

Back then, you saw Steve, you’d feel the urge to irritate the hell out of him. But now, you’d see Steve, and suddenly, you’d feel a funny feeling in your stomach.

So, naturally, you absolutely despised him for it. Tonight – or morning – when Bucky woke up, he didn’t cry. He just asked if you were hungry. And, naturally, you had said yes. You were always hungry.

Soft music was playing. You didn’t want to wake up Steve, after all. So you stood in the kitchen of your floor and began making pop tarts. Bucky was sitting by the kitchen island while you decided to cheer him up. While the pop tarts were cooking up, you decided to change the music to pop. Then you began dancing.

You were not a dancer. Add that to your list of non-existent qualities.

You sort of just threw your hands in the air and hoped for natural rhythm to save your dignity. 

Bucky looked somewhat amused, so that was the goal accomplished.

It all came to an end when Steve cleared his throat. He stared at Bucky in a way that made all of you uncomfortable. Bucky was going to be just fine, that’s what you thought, anyway. Steve thought otherwise. Steve treated him like a broken vase.

That’s how you and Bucky got so close. 

You refused to look or listen to any of Steve’s old war stories about Buck. Thus, why you called Bucky “James”.

He wasn’t the Bucky he was in the 40’s. And he wasn’t The Winter Soldier, either. He was someone else.

Steve’s eyes bounced from you, to Bucky, then from Bucky, to you. “[Y/N], maybe now isn’t the time to – ”

“No, Steve,” Steve’s eyes snapped towards Bucky, “it’s fine.” Bucky said quietly. “She’s actually making me happy here.” 

After that, nobody talked to a while. Bucky stood from his stool and began to walk off. 

You stepped towards him, “James - ”

He shook his head. “It’s alright [Y/N], trust me. I’ll be fine tonight. I’m gonna try and go back to sleep.”

Well, that was new.

You gave Bucky a funny look but nodded. “Okay. Call if you need me.”

Bucky didn’t say anything after that. He just walked back to his room.

Your pop tarts popped out from the toaster. After that it was left untouched.

Steve cleared his throat. “[Y/N] – ” 

You shook your head. “Nope.”

Steve’s forehead frowned. “What?”

“Do you want Bucky to get over what HYDRA did to him?” You asked. You didn’t wait for him to reply. “Well, too bad so sad, he isn’t going to get over it. Bucky needs to accept it. Then he needs to be angry. Then he needs to be sad. Then after all that, he needs to forgive himself.” You said, your hands on your waist. “And you making him feel like broken glass isn’t gonna help. It’ll confine him and make him feel crazy. Treat him like a normal person, you jackass. Let him feel like a man. Not a baby.” You took a deep breath and pulled your eyes away from his piercing blue ones. You looked at your pop tarts briefly before turning around and walking away.

And you didn’t miss his look when you did. Steve had already realised he was wrong the moment his eyes fell on the toaster.

You left your pop tarts.




Look number nine:

Again, it was in the kitchen. Bucky’s nightmares were slowly fading. Whenever he woke, you’d stay until he fell back asleep. Then you’d proceed to the kitchen and rummage for food.

“Hey, Supreme Leader.” Your head snapped towards the kitchen entrance.

You gave a nod to the blond man in acknowledgement. “Captain.” You said in a mocking soldier’s tone.

You both stood in silence for a while. You didn’t mind it for a while. Your arms were preoccupied with balancing cartons and containers of food as you boldly chewed on your Lucky Charms cereal – and then the silence just got too long. Steve stared at you with a funny look. Eh, eating cereal without milk at three in the morning wasn’t all that unusual – but for some reason, you had a really big feeling the look wasn’t about the cereal. That was actually the reason why Tony always complained about all the marshmallow gone in the morning. Not your fault. Marshmallows were the best part and everyone knew that.

You squinted your eyes as you watched him watch you. A silent growl of impatience rose to your throat. You couldn’t really speak so you opted with growling.

Still no reply.

Finally, you forcefully swallowed your marshmallow and pointed an accusing finger at Steve. His look was different again. It wasn’t annoyed or of frustration. Really it just frustrated you.

You huffed. “You’re looking at me funny.”

Steve just smiled softly. “Bucky loves you.” He said from his position by the entrance of the kitchen.

You just smirked and shoved another handful of marshmallows into your mouth. “Figured that one out a long time ago, Rogers.” Your hand reached into the box once again. “What can I say, I’m good at making friends.” 

Steve chuckled silently. Then he swallowed and looked directly into your eyes. “I love you. And not the way Bucky does.”

You swallowed. The you nodded slowly. Your heart felt so full, you had no idea what to say. And so you said the first thing that popped into your head. You said what you would say, and not stupid Nicholas Sparks movies.

“I know.” You grinned. “And I may or may not feel the same.” Before he could reply, your smile wiped off as you pointed your finger at him again accusingly, “I said maybe.”

🔮28 Day Witchy Challenge🔮

Hi lovelies! I hope you are all having a beautiful day! I have decided to make a 28 Day Witchy Challenge Post. This can be started at the beginning of the month or at any time. It’s whatever you prefer.


This is geared towards all witches, new and old. This challenge is focused on taking care of you and your witchy self. I am starting off September with challenge one. I’d love to see or know if y'all do it!!


🔮 DAY 1 - Take time out of your day to think about, write about, or draw what your witchy self looks like. What they are into. Their favorite witchy activity. Any details you can possibly think of.


🔮DAY 2 - Take the day to meditate. It can be about anything or nothing at all. Let your mind wonder and do it’s thing. Journal about it and let things come to you.


🔮DAY 3 - BUY SOMETHING WITCHY! This challenge is all about self-care for you and your witchy self, so it can be as simple as spending a dollar at the dollar store or buying something elaborate online. If there is no way you can buy something, try to find something. For example, go to the woods/Park and try to find a mushroom for an offering.


🔮DAY 4 - Piggy backing off of day 3, MAKE SOMETHING JUST FOR YOU AND YOUR CRAFT. Like all of these days, it can be something big or small. You can make a set of runes or maybe make yourself a picture for your alter. Just make it for YOU!


🔮DAY 5 - Watch or listen to something witchy. Charmed, Practical Magic, listen to some witchy music, anything!


🔮 DAY 6 - Spend some time in nature! Whether it is sitting on your lawn or taking a hike, or even a walk through the park, just take time to appreciate nature and Mother Earth and all she had given us.


🔮DAY 7 - Let an entire candle burn. I know this may sounds silly to some of you, but I am the type of person that struggles with this (unless doing a specific spell). So, just sit with your candle and watch it burn. Feel free to multitask while doing this. Just try to focus on it now and again. It can be a birthday candle or a very large candle, whatever works for you.


🔮DAY 8 - Make a special cup of tea. If you’re not a tea drinker, try a different kind or hot coco or coffee. When making, focus in your intent. When drinking, focus on all the different flavors you taste and sensations you feel.


🔮DAY 9 - Journal about the elements and what they mean to you.


🔮DAY 10 - Make a list of new worst things you can try. It can be anything like talking more walks or a new spell!


🔮 DAY 11 - Journal about your deities/higher power. What they mean to you. If you don’t have any, then try to journal about the energies around you. What you feel and the power.


🔮 DAY 12 - Piggy backing off of day 12, write down/find a new way you can honor your deities or energies that you journaled about. And if it’s possible, do it! It can be anything from a leaf you found to an elaborate meal. It can be simply praying.


🔮DAY 13 - BATH OR SHOWER MAGIC! This is pretty self-explanatory, but try to just take some time and take a magical bath or shower. It doesn’t have to be elaborate, or it can! Try to just focus your intent and maybe try a shower or bath meditation. There are a ton of different things here on Tumblr, so get creative!


🔮DAY 14 - Spell Jar!! There are a TON of spell jars on Tumblr and all over the internet. You can use those or make your own! They are very easy and great if you’re low on spoons!


🔮DAY 15 - Cook! If you aren’t able to cook due to physical reasons, or even lack of time, then try to eat something special. Regardless, cook or at least eat something that inspires you or harnesses your intent.


🔮DAY 16 - PRAYER! This is pretty self-explanatory, but try to honor and show your intent. Ask even, for guidance, hope, strength, whatever!


🔮DAY 17 - Sky watching! You can watch the Moon and stars or just the clouds go by.


🔮DAY 18 - Journal about what magick means to you. Go into as much detail as possible.


🔮DAY 19 - SIGILS! Make your own sigil! Focus your intent and be creative! If there is no way you can come up with your own, then feel free to use one from the internet.


🔮DAY 20 - Alter time!!! Try to redecorate your alter! If you are in the broom closet, then maybe draw one!


🔮DAY 21 - Journal about ways you can, from now on, nurture yourself. Whether it’s teas, baths, putting on makeup, whatever! Make lists or just woke about the things you want to do!


🔮DAY 22 - Worry Stone! You can find one or make one or but one, it’s totally up to you! Which brings us toooooooooooo……


🔮DAY 23 - Cleanse and charge your items!! There are umpteen different ways you can cleanse and charge your items, just pick one! Please make sure that however you cleanse and charge your items, it is safe for them.


🔮DAY 24 - PLANTS! Take care of your plants, harvest a plant, buy a plant, even take some time to talk with your plants!


🔮DAY 25 - SCAVENGER HUNT! No, not literally. But, go find something that nature has given you. A mushroom, a leaf, anything! Place it on your alter and honor it! By honoring it, you honor Mother Nature and all that she has created. Including you!


🔮DAY 26 - Do a glamour!! This can be anything from enchanting your chapstick to make you feel loved or carrying a self-love charm bag. Get creative with it! Try to make your intent focus on love from yourself or self-confidence!


🔮DAY 27 -MAKE YOUR OWN SPELL! Literally, just have fun with this. Use your alter, use your journal entries and the internet and books! Get creative! Focus your intent and be specific! It can be low spoons or high spoons. Whatever works for you!


🔮DAY 28 - MEDITATE! Meditate about the past 28 days and all the work you’ve done! Think and focus on your craft and all the self-care you have worked for!


I hope y'all enjoy this! Please let me know if you do it! I’d love to hear y'all’s thoughts! Feel free to edit this however you want! Make it work for you! I hope all you lovelies are have a beautiful day/night! 💚


Love and light

Cait ✌

bashfyl  asked:

*incoherent screaming* You opened prompts! Sterek: Not yet together sterek. The idea is a bath and Stiles how did you get that there?!? Thank you.

Taking Sterek Prompts | Filling Prompts Live

———

“Are you going to get in?” Stiles asked, peeling out of his last shirt, his words a little slurry around the edges. “In a- a- a-” He paused, trying rather unsuccessfully to shake his hand free of his sleeve. He started laughing uncontrollably and collapsed to the floor to work on his shoes. “The water, are you?”

“No,” Derek groused, pointedly not looking when Stiles flopped onto his back and began to shimmy out of his soaked pants. Black slime coated almost every square inch of the floor. “This is your bath, not mine.”

“Mine,” Stiles echoed, now just lying on the floor in a puddle of black, his pale skin coated head to foot in the gunk. “This is not my house.”

“Yes,” Derek agreed, as patiently as he could, checking the water’s temperature before turning off the tap. It had to be extra hot to affect the stuff. “This is the clinic.”

Deaton had explained that even minimal contact with the ichorous substance gave a contact high. Stiles had been practically drenched in the stuff when they had killed it. Luckily it was not deadly or even toxic- which was the problem. Someone had been keeping the creature as a pet, drawing out the fluid and selling it, and it had escaped three days ago to wreak havoc.

Very, very unfortunately, Derek had drawn the short straw for ensuring Stiles got cleaned up and came down from the high safely. Isaac, Boyd, and Erica were taking care of disposal of the body while Scott and Allison swung by Allison’s house to return weapons and report to her father. Deaton had been kind enough - or perhaps had enough self preservation - to give Derek the key to the clinic so he could get Stiles washed up away from his father’s questions.

“Come on,” Derek said gently, slipping from the edge of the tub to crouch at Stiles’ side. It was, he reflected, a very good thing that werewolves were not susceptible to the substance’s effects. “You gotta get cleaned up.” The effects wouldn’t wear off until every drop of the ichor was gone.

Stiles lifted his head, looking all the way down his lean form. “Oh, no, no that’s too far,” he told Derek, head falling back with an audible clunk he was probably going to feel in a few hours. “Wow, this is the best floor ever. Do you think I could take it home with me?”

“No,” Derek said with a sigh. Looked like this was going to have to be the hard way. He shifted, kneeling beside Stiles, and grabbed at his wrists to haul him up.

Despite that they slipped and slid a bit, Derek managed to get a very naked Stiles upright and across the three feet to the tub. For a second Stiles stood very still, holding tightly onto the edge of it like he was going to resist going in. Then he tipped forward and faceplanted directly into the basin so quickly Derek had to scramble to keep him from drowning.

“Hoooooo!!!!” Stiles shouted the second his mouth was above the surface, water sluicing away the ichor clinging to his skin. “It’s hot, Derek! This is really hot, why is it so hot? Oh my god, I’m melting!” He started grabbing at the black liquid coming off his skin.

Closing his eyes, Derek counted to three. Then five. Then ten, for good measure, and when he opened them again, Stiles had fallen very, very still and was staring wide eyed into the middle distance. It was not exactly an improvement, but at least he’d stopped thrashing, slopping water and ichor all over the floor and flinging it onto the walls and- and was that- on the ceiling?

“Stiles, how did you- you know what, nevermind,” Derek grumbled, reaching for the spray nozzle.

This setup was supposed to be for cleaning dogs, but it would work just as well for ornery, tripping humans. He began to run the spray over Stiles’ hair, watching the black give way to brown. When the tub had filled completely, Derek pulled the plug and let it drain. Diluted like this with water, it wouldn’t hurt the general populace; at worst, they’d all have a really good day soon.

Stiles’ eyes slid closed, and he relaxed into the gentle touches Derek used to turn him this way and that, to get at the last of the ichor still clinging to strange places like inside of his ears and between his fingers and- well, at least Stiles was unlikely to remember any of this very well tomorrow.

By the time he had gotten the last of it, Stiles had turned to putty in his hands, making a soft, pleasant humming noise that might have been purring on a cat. Derek swallowed hard, trying to keep it together. He still needed to get Stiles someplace to wait out the high, and get this place cleaned up so no one else would be affected.

Difficult to think of anything beyond the way Stiles pressed himself into Derek’s touches. “Feels good,” Stiles murmured, unwilling or unable to keep his eyes open. “You should touch me more.”

“Tomorrow,” Derek mumbled back, prodding Stiles to his feet. The floor was still covered in ichor, so Derek just leaned over and scooped a completely unresisting Stiles into his arms. Immediately, Stiles looped his own arms around Derek’s neck and burrowed his nose against Derek’s shoulder. “If you still want me to touch you tomorrow, I will.”

“Okay,” Stiles agreed muzzily.

He wouldn’t remember. No one else had. Still…

He allowed himself a small smile, and a measure of hope. Stiles had never been one for following the rules, after all.

go-powers1111  asked:

Have you heard about the racist concepts with Amethyst?

I assume you mean the yellow image in the middle, right? I can easily see how someone might see that as racist, but after this whole Concrete thing I’m too drained and frustrated to give an impassioned speech about it, and frankly I think we’ve lost sight of what this was all supposed to be about

Is it offensive? A little, but it’s not exactly exceptional compared to the stuff we’ve seen elsewhere. Hell, Gravity Falls has done something worse than this pretty much once an episode. The only reason tumblr hasn’t thrown a shit-fit over that is because in the end, SU made one critical mistake: It tried to be perfect.

Lets be honest, for the first few seasons, SU was considered a godsend for representation. Even early on the cast spanned a wide variety of races, sexualities, body types and disabilities, none of whom had been deemed a token or “problematic” at the time. The fact that I can have serious discussions with people about whether the main character of a children’s TV show is trans on 4chan of all places, and actually convince them the answer is yes should tell you just how big a deal this all should be. Even now, several years later, I have yet to see another cartoon that even comes close to doing what SU did. So what happened?

Simple: we got used to it. SU had made itself look so perfect for so long that some viewers lost any sense of relative scale, so when the crew or an innocent fan artist made a slip-up that wouldn’t have even caused a second glance elsewhere, they became a menace to society that had to be driven to destroy itself less it corrupt this beautiful cinnamon bun. Of course, it was inevitable the show would eventually disappoint them in some way or another, turning an unhealthy obsession into a feeling of utter betrayal.

I honestly find it incredibly ironic that the criticals refer to us as “Stans,” seeing as the song they’re referencing is about an unhealthily obsessed fan who goes off the deep end after being let down by his favorite content creator and ends up acting increasingly irrational and violent. I guess in the end, with people like this, self awareness isn’t exactly their strong suit

Undercover Cops/Warning for Drug Blogs 6/13/17

Hey everyone sorry for not posting on here for the last week, I’ve been laying low after a frightening incident that happened to me regarding undercover police and someone I met here off Tumblr. Yes, police are targeting people (drug users primarily) on here by making blogs that have nothing on them (no reblogs, no personal content, not following any other blogs but Tumblr Staff and YOU) and messaging drug addicts in private telling them that if we help them score they will give us money/let us keep like half the amount of stuff they’re asking for, etc.

I was debating on whether or not I should post this since the person this is about doesn’t know I know they’re a cop/working for cops, but I want to keep everyone on here safe from this kind of stuff happening to them, so I might as well share my experience.

Basically a blog on here that had nothing posted on their blog and that wasn’t following anyone except for me and Tumblr Staff (two key sketchy signs right there) messaged me asking for help getting H saying that they had just moved from out of state and needed help with a new connect and offered me close to $100 each time for helping them. It seemed sketchy but I desperately needed the money, so I decided to help.

I met with them twice before the third time, being extremely cautious the first two times (watching my surroundings, asking important questions, sending someone else to bring the stuff back to them instead of me, etc.). Then on the third time they asked for a much larger amount than they had asked for the first two times (which is something cops trying to do an undercover buy do, they buy a couple of decent sized amounts and then on buy number three they buy a large amount and try to pop you with it when you return back to them with it.)


On buy three I carefully watched my surroundings. I noticed undercover cop cars around keeping an eye on me, after I walked off I had a bad feeling.

I got a confirmation that my sketched out feelings were right when while the person was waiting on me to come back with dope my friend that knew what I was doing gave me a call and told me that they were over in the area that that person I’m helping is in and that there’s over 5 cop cars and a drug task force vehicle waiting on me to come back so they could bust me. There was also unmarked vehicles with cops looking out the window with binoculars driving up and down the streets looking for where I went. I’m not going to say what happened after this in case the person I wrote this about finds it. I did the smart thing and decided to be safe instead of sorry.

Everyone on Nodsquad, Tweaker Nation, and everything in between, BE CAREFUL WHEN IT COMES TO MEETING PEOPLE ONLINE AND HELPING THEM GET VARIOUS SUBSTANCES! IT CAN AND POSSIBLY COULD COME BACK TO BITE YOU.

I’ve met probably close to 20 people off of Tumblr, some just to hang out, some for whatever else, and none of them were sketchy people until this last incident.

DON’T HELP BLOGS THAT ARE NEW AND DON’T HAVE ANY CONTENT ON THEM! (aka no reblogs, no personal content, only following you and Tumblr staff or a very unusually small handful of people.)

DON’T GIVE OUT YOUR REAL NAME, REAL PHONE NUMBER, OR ANY OTHER PERSONAL INFORMATION ABOUT YOURSELF TO THESE PEOPLE OR ANYONE ONLINE YOU DON’T REALLY KNOW.

If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

If anyone has anymore questions about avoiding these types of situations, about signs and tips on how to spot an undercover cop, or anything else feel free to message me privately. The area I’m in recently hired 110 more undercovers to do drug busts right now, I’m sure Seattle isn’t the only place with this sort of thing going on right now.

PLEASE, PLEASE BE SAFE EVERYONE. A get well, a high, or a chunk of cash isn’t worth a felony and your freedom.

Please reblog this message so everyone in the drug community on here can see this and be made aware. Tumblr isn’t always a “safe place” like we would like to think it is.