Keep on Living (chapter 3) Lin Manuel x Reader
Part 3 is finally here and features a Very Angry Lin as requested, thanks to everyone for reading my very first Lin fic. Part 4 will be up super soon!
Summary: Your boyfriend is an abusive asshole and you’ve been trying to hide it from Lin and everyone else. After turning up to the Richard Rogers where you work with a black eye and bruised wrists you tell Pippa that you’ve been mugged, but you get the feeling that Lin seems to know what really happened. Lin gets over-protective and you end up feeling really confused. On a night out with with the girls you drunkenly admit to Pippa that you think Lin is cute, and Jasmine records a video messaged standing up to your unknown attacker.
(I’m an abuse survivor myself. Not all abuse is the same, and so this fic is not meant to be a universal experience.
To anyone that may be experiencing abuse then my inbox is always open and I will always believe you. Tell a friend or a relative if you are able to. And there are many support lines depending on your town/state/country, talking to someone helps. Stay safe.)
Warnings - I’m adding a trigger warning for some mentions of emotional and physical abuse.
Word count - 2226
When you turn your phone on that morning it practically explodes in a flurry of messages.
Jasmine: Hey girl, I heard you called in sick today. Are you still really hungover?
Pippa: Are you ok? I heard you’re sick. Don’t worry, nobody has mentioned the video. Hope you feel better soon xxx
Lin: Apparently you aren’t coming in today so I don’t get to see you? AWFUL! Feel better, we all miss you. I hope you’re ok X
Lin: Dr Miranda prescribes hot sweet tea, a blanket fort, and The Little Mermaid. Take care of yourself please xxx
Lin: If you need anything let me know. I’m gonna be near your apartment today and I can bring round supplies.
Lin: Hey I’m on your block, do you need anything?
Lin: Are you ok? I don’t think you’re ok.
You throw your phone down on the bed. It’s the first time you’ve switched it on in 48 hours since you called Alex and told him you weren’t well enough to come to work. You’re honestly amazed that you still have friends with how anti-social you are being at the moment, but you haven’t been able to face anyone.
You’re surprised that none of Lin’s messages comment on the video Jasmine put on twitter a few nights ago. A video of you drunkenly admitting he was cute, but you’re thankful that he’s choosing to ignore that. Or maybe he never even saw the full video since Pippa took it down straight away.
You head into the theater that morning, grateful that the bruising on your face from last week is now fading. You draw less attention as you walk down the halls now. Lying about a fake mugging had made you feel so uneasy and you were relieved that you could make it to the office you shared with Alex without having to stop and talk about it.
“Hey Y/N , we didn’t expect to see you today!” Alex called cheerfully as you headed into the office. Lin was sitting on the beat up sofa, his laptop in front of him. He jumped up from the sofa, seeming surprised by your presence.
“You’re alive!” He grinned coming over to meet you. He hesitated for second, and there was a moment of awkwardness before he smiled and pulled you into a hug. “We missed you” He said, giving you a squeeze and you held your breath.
“Yeah, I can see!” You said dumping your bag down on the desk and eyeing the pile of paperwork awaiting your attention. “Aww Alex, you shouldn’t have!”
“Oops, yeah sorry about that.” Alex said as he quickly cleared another pile of papers from your chair for you to sit on. “We’ve got 8 new chorus members starting rehearsals on Monday and so the paperwork is sorta piling up.”
“Nah it’s fine” You shrugged, “I’m honestly just so happy to be back, I was getting cabin fever cooped up at home, it was driving me crazy.”
“Oh so that’s why you were ignoring my messages then?” Lin teased.
“Oh, god I’m sorry, I had my phone switched off, I was too sick to focus on a screen.” You were so used to lying now, you were surprised at how naturally it came to you.
“I dropped round a couple of times to see you. Mark said you didn’t want any visitors but I thought I’d keep trying.” Lin’s eyes darkened slightly and he looked at you as though he was trying to figure something out.
“Oh sorry, um yeah, I guess I must have been really out of it. I’m sorry” You once again found yourself unable to make eye contact with him as you deflected his concern. “You didn’t miss much much tho, just a sweatier sicklier me drowning in a sea of tissues and cough syrup, you dodged a bullet there.” You grinned weakly.
Lin’s eyes softened as he accepted your lie and he clapped his hands, snapping you out of the awkwardness.
“Well! Since you’ve been ignoring me, Me and Lac have been hatching a plan for Ham 4 Ham today. You in?”
Alex chuckled to himself “Don’t say yes to anything until he’s told you his plans.” He gathered his folders from his desk and headed out, leaving you alone with an over excited Lin.
“Ignore him.” Lin grinned, “You’re gonna love this. Or maybe you’ll hate this, I don’t know.”
You rolled your eyes and prepared for the worst. Your afternoons were often filled with vetting Lin’s ideas for new Ham4Ham shows. Some of which were brilliant, some of which were not, and thankfully between you and Alex, you could try and steer Lin in the right direction.
“Ok, so how well do you know Backstreet Boys?”
You laughed so hard you actually snorted. You held your hand up to your mouth, still laughing. “I’m sorry, that was NOT what I was expecting you to say at all”
Lin raised his eyebrows in mock indignation. “ I would NEVER joke about the Backstreet Boys” he exclaimed.
Lin went on to explain his idea for staging a performance of Backstreet’s Back complete with choreography for this afternoon’s Ham4Ham.
“Look, if you need me to show you the moves then all you had to do is ask” you laughed
“Ha! You know I love the fact that you spent all of senior year practicing Janet Jackson’s Rhythm Nation in your bedroom, I’m not doubting your skills, but we had a run through yesterday and I think we’re gonna be ok.” He chided while biting his lip.
The fact that he’d remembered your high school Janet Jackson obsession made you beam. It was something you’d geekily admitted on your very first day in rehearsals with him. Why? Because being around Lin brought out embarrassing admissions of your geeky obsessions, and he never mocked. His eyes had grown big and his face lit up in excitement and and he’d waved his arms in the air exclaiming “Me too!”. And from that moment onwards you knew you were in the right place. The fact that he’d remembered this little detail strangely gave you butterflies and you smiled to yourself.
You held your hands up “Ok ok, so you don’t need my dancing skills then.”
“No but we do need some accompaniment” Lin smiled.
“Fine!” You said, secretly happy to have something more fun to work on than the piles of paperwork Alex had left for you.
“I’ll get the melodica, hey give me a hand will you?”
You gestured up to a crate on the top of the bookshelves in your office marked ‘Ham4Ham gear.’ The crate was full of toy musical instruments, a set of megaphones, props, and some bits of costumes. It had become more of a lost and found box of novelty items which Lin and Alex added to weekly, as each Ham4Ham got more adventurous and silly.
You pulled over a chair to stand on which wobbled. Lin grabbed the chair to hold it in place as you climbed up.
The chair immediately swayed and Lin put his other hand out holding your waist to stop you falling off. You gasped, not expecting his hands, you flinched slightly and wondered if Lin had noticed.
“Yeah,thanks. Sorry this chair is a piece of shit” you laughed nervously. You noticed his hand remained on your waist. Your skin tingled and you swallowed nervously.
You stretched out your arm trying to grab the crate which was just out of reach when Lin yelled “Fuck!”.
Lin’s hands had disappeared from your waist and you looked down at him, his eyes were wild, and he stepped back from the chair. He was staring at you. Staring at your waist. You looked down and noticed your shirt had ridden up above your stomach as you’d reached up. You quickly pulled down your shirt and stepped down from the chair. It was too late. He’d seen it.
“Fuck!” Lin said, this time in a whisper.
You looked at the floor. You couldn’t look at him. No, no, no. Not now.
“Show me.” Lin said, breathlessly. He was still staring at your waist.
“Lin, please, I can’t.” You shook your head in a panic.
He looked up at you, his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth tensed. “Show me” He commanded.
You gulped, it’s like you had forgotten how to breathe. His eyes never left yours and there was nothing left for you to do but show him.
Slowly you reached down, grabbing the corner of your shirt, nervously pulling it up to reveal your stomach and looking away. Lin gasped, closing his eyes and shaking his head.
Your stomach was blue and purple. An enormous bruise covered your belly, your waist and stretched round to your back. The bruise on your face from the previous week had faded, this was brand new, shiny, and dark.
You forced yourself to look at Lin who was still studying your skin in shock, you felt naked and exposed and you pulled your shirt down. Lin still stared at your waist through your clothes, unable to look away. Wispy strands of hair had fallen loose from his pontytail and hung in his eyes, you noticed his arms were locked by his side, his hands gripped tightly into fists.
“It wasn’t a mugging was it?” He said quietly
You shook your head, tears in your eyes and you tried to hold yourself together. You’d been trying not to fall apart all week, but you could feel yourself on the verge of unravelling.
“Who did this?” Lin asked, his mouth open in shock, his eyes set in anger, He already knew.
“I can’t.. Please I can’t do this now.”
“Who did this?” He asked again, his face darkened like thunder.
You couldn’t speak. You could barely breathe. You reached out to hold the chair to steady yourself.
“It was Mark wasn’t it?” Lin’s voice cracked.
You swallowed hard and closed your eyes. You nodded your head and a tear slipped down your cheek.
“Fuck.” Lin whispered.
“Lin I’m sorry, I couldn’t.. I didn’t know how to tell anyone. I’m sorry…”
Lin cut you off, he started shaking his head, pushing back his hair into his messy ponytail with both hands. His eyes were wild and he began muttering under his breath, violently spitting out a rapid mixture of English and Spanish, the hatred and anger flashing across his face.
“Fuck. Fucking motherfucker! No I’m gonna kill him…Hijo de puta…Mark es un maldito cabron…I fucking knew it!…Voy a matarlo… Hijo de la gran puta… Es una mierda!”
“Lin, please!” You begged, biting back tears and trying not to lose it.
Your voice brought him back and he stopped to look at you. He saw the panic in your face and the tears you’d tried so hard to keep in now falling freely down your cheeks and he took a breath.
“I’m sorry” He said shaking his head, his eyes softened realizing how scared you looked. “I’m sorry.”
He wrapped his arms around you, placing his hand gently on the back of your head and you finally allowed yourself to fall apart. Your face pressed into his shoulder and you sobbed, and you felt like you wouldn’t stop. He stroked your hair, holding you together.
“It’s ok, it’s ok, que sepas que estoy aquí “ he said in a soft soothing voice. It was a while before you could breathe. You steadied yourself and pulled away, embarrassed by the damp patch you’d left on his hoodie. You reached out for the chair to sit down while Lin grabbed you a box of tissues from the desk.
“You knew didn’t you?” You asked after a deep breath.
Lin puffed his cheeks and sighed while shaking his head.
“I don’t know… I thought I knew. I mean, I didn’t want to believe it. I just knew something was wrong. I knew there was more to the mugging but I didn’t know what, and I couldn’t quite shake the feeling that something wasn’t right.”
“He told me nobody would believe me if I tried to tell anyone what he’d done. He said I deserved it. He said…” Your voice broke, you weren’t ready to go into detail yet.
Lin knelt down in front of you, placing one hand over yours, and tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ears as he spoke.
“You did not deserve this. I believe you.” He spoke slowly and gently. There was still a rage behind his eyes, but his voice was calm and soothing. You stared blankly at him. You didn’t have words. You smiled faintly and nodded.
“All this because of that stupid video” You muttered.
Lin looked at you puzzled.
“Jasmine uploaded this dumb video of us from the other night. We were drunk. In the video she basically recorded this big fuck you message to whoever attacked me. Mark said we were laughing at him, that we humiliated him and…”
You trailed off, leaving out the part where Mark had also seen you drunkenly admit on camera that you thought Lin was cute. How he’d called you a slut and a whore that evening, how he’d told you this was your punishment.
Lin begain muttering under his breath in Spanish again “…Hijo de puta” His face hardened and he shook his head, clutching your hand tighter.
“You did not deserve this.” He repeated, his voice firm and his eyes darkened.
You nodded silently and he gently traced small circles with his thumb across your hands.
You sniffed and wiped your eyes, breathing deep and trying to focus.
“Alex is gonna be back soon, I’ve got to get it together.”
You stood up and flattened down your hair. You needed to slip back into the role of someone who has their shit together. Even if it was just for a day.
“Y/N I don’t think you should be at work, this is too much.”
“No this is exactly what I need right now, I need to keep busy, I need to work, I need to not think about this for a day.”
Lin sighed, scraping back more strands of hair from his face. “Ok. But we haven’t finished talking about this yet, and you aren’t going home tonight.”
Panic flashed in your eyes. “If I don’t go home tonight he’ll know something is wrong. He’ll kill me! I think he’ll actually kill me.” Your voice sounded small, you barely recognized yourself.
“No.” He said with a resigned look in his eyes. “You’re coming home with me tonight. You are safe. He’s not coming near you again. I promise.”
Part 4 is
coming soon here! and then I’m gonna write some smut, I swear!