i just get so emotional about steve and bucky okay

Chamber of Secrets - Part 9

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Summary: After the Avenger’s falling out, you were put in charge of putting Bucky together. Under King T’Challa’s orders, you were given a month’s time to create a new arm while simultaneously figure out how to get the triggering memories of his past out of his mind. As the time goes by, you found yourself confiding in him, despite his frozen state.

A/N: The tags are kinda fucked up lately, so if the tags aren’t working, I’ll just re-tag you guys when it’s fixed. 

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Headcanon(s): Genderfluid Bucky Barnes

Things I need: Recovering genderfluid Bucky who wears whatever the fuck he wants to wear like really loose sundresses when spring rolls around simply because he loves the freedom they give his body + the fabric is soft as shit + no pants = no problem. (+ he looks and feels hella cute and is comfortable as fuck with it)

When he starts rehabilitation, the team doesn’t bother teaching him about any of the ‘gendernorm’ stuff such as, “thats for girls/for boys” because as Tony puts it, “Genders are way overrated and for the simple minded” and Natasha will put any man or woman through the wringer that says she ‘cant’ simply because of her genitalia.

This gives Bucky true freedom to do what feels best for himself. And Bucky doesn’t cut his hair and lets it grow past his shoulders because he likes it. And because he doesn’t feel like the old James Barnes anymore. He still identifies with he/him/his pronouns… and doesn’t feel weird or wrong when someone uses them even when he’s wearing a dress.

Some days he wakes up and feels a little more masculine and some days he wakes up and feels a little more feminine and it’s 100% okay, because HYDRA’s messed with his brain so bad that this is him trying to find out who he is now and realizing that he’s all of these things and none of the Avengers say shit because they all know what its like to be denied happiness.

Clint brings Lucky to the Tower whenever he gets the chance and the dog absolutely adores Bucky. Clint tells him about his days in the circus and about all the weird shit he’s seen and says, “Barnes, there are photos of me in full on drag- heels bigger than the ones Natasha wears, and riding a white horse… completely shitfaced on a golf course. There is next to nothing that you can wear/identify with that will make me look at you differently.”

Natasha speaks to him in Russian, Romanian, English, and German, sometimes switching through all four languages before they finish a conversation. Bucky’s hesitant in asking for anything so she takes Clint for company and one of Tony’s charge cards and goes to town, buying literally everything from nail polish, sun hats, dresses, scarves, boots, heels, hell even lingerie, and they work out Bucky’s likes and dislikes together. She tells Bucky how proud she is of him and constantly reassures him that, “No, it’s okay. That ‘for girls’ stuff” that he sees in magazines and in stores and online, “is complete bullshit. You can do whatever you want, котенок.” She never fails to defend him during board meetings, spitting, “Yes he is wearing a dress, will this be a problem?” with determined fire in her eyes at whatever ignorant agent/politician that gives Bucky a questioning glare. When his hair reaches past his shoulders she sits behind him and puts it into braids during Avengers movie night. She teaches him how to curl it into soft waves, and how to tie it up and shove it all under a baseball cap for days when he doesn’t want long hair at all.

Tony pulls up article upon article about genderfluidity one night and reads all of them. He even prints some out to give to Bruce, Pepper, Rhodey, and anyone else he can find because suddenly he’s interested. He’s the one who first asks Bucky what his preferred pronouns are because, yes he may be an asshole, but he isn’t that kind of asshole. Sleepless caffeine nights turn into a week long shebang where he runs around the tower making heartfelt and manic speeches about the, “Utter shit that are genderroles. Why not be both? Why the fuck not?” Because Tony of all people knows what it’s like to grow up under such standards. After all, he spent most of his childhood comparing himself to his father’s greatest creation, golden-boy Steve Rogers. Back then, all Tony knew about the soldier was that he seemed to be the epitome of what it means to be a ‘man… and a hero.’  He programs JARVIS to monitor and tag the things that may be harmful to Bucky and his development on news feeds and around the tower, just like he has done for each and every one of the Avengers induvidual triggers.

Sam helps Bucky make sense of it all. He’s the only Avenger who isn’t just saying, “Yo, do whatever the fuck makes you happy,” Because sometimes Bucky doesn’t know what makes him happy. Sam will sit with him and help him figure out the ‘why’ it makes him happy and the ‘why’ he deserves to be happy. Sam is the only one who really, really doesn’t treat Bucky any differently. Never even bat an eyelash the first time Bucky showed up to a meeting with his hair in a long braid with a couple of small lillie flowers sticking out of it. “You let me know if I ever say something that you don’t like, okay? I may not know much about genderfluidity, but I’m willing to learn and I won’t be offended if you teach me a lesson or two… or five-hundred.” Sam is solid

Thor is just as confused as Bucky is at the self-discovery, but for entirely differen’t reasons. It’s the first spring day that has reached over 40 degrees and Bucky walks into the foyer of the Tower wearing a lose charcoal knit cardigan, a gray tank-top dress that ends mid-thigh, skin tight black leather leggings, tall socks, and combat boots. His brown hair is tied in a bun. No one notices Steve drooling in the corner in favor for Thor’s loud exclimation, “This Midgard attire of yours, son of Barnes. It is very nice! I have seen Darcy Lewis wear similar. Is it customary to cloth oneself in such wears here on Earth? If it be okay, I would like to know where you obtained this,” Thor runs a ringer down the edge of Bucky’s oversized cardigan and smiles, “it is very soft!” He frowns at the dress and Bucky is about to protest when Thor continues, “Though I think wearing something like this would not go over well for me. It looks comfortable, but you see, I fear that there is nothing but air to hold my nether regions-,”

“That’s what underwear is for, Thor.” Natasha rolls her eyes.

Tony loudly interjects a whole spiel of education about genderroles to Thor who just looks more confused by the second.

“This…” Thor points to how Bucky is dressed, “Is not consitered… the ‘norm?’” His frown deepens, “But… why not? I do not understand why this would be frowned upon? On Asgard it is normal for warriors and people to dress however they please, whether it be in hard armor like Lady Sif, or in robes of lose silk like my brother finds comfort in. Like how on Asgard… it is also normal for a warrior to lie with another of the same gender as them. The ways of Midgard baffle me sometimes. Are your people so little minded?” He finishes with a shake of his head.

Bruce doesn’t say much, but he is gentle and kind and thats more than Bucky could ask for. He reads the articles that Tony gives him and even looks up some on his own. Every once in a while he will give a small smile to Bucky and say offhandedly, “That color looks good on you.” or, “Your hair looks really nice like this, did Natasha teach you how to do it?” and then they will go back to doing whatever they were doing.  He also understands what it’s like to be afraid of yourself. Part of the reason why he is gentle, and withdrawn, is for the fear that one day he will hurt someone that he’s grown close too. He lets Bucky stay in the lab with him sometimes, and they just talk through their problems together while Bruce tinkers. Not really comparing expierences, but understanding the fear in eachother that no one else really gets. Bruce tells Bucky about how he copes and about how the fear will never really go away, but he’s learning. And what he has learned is that maybe, just maybe, if he builds bridges that are built on trust, love, and respect, those bridges will be strong enough to tell The Other Guy, no, these are your friends; these you protect. When Bucky’s boyfriend of 8 months breaks up with him because he’s done waiting for Bucky to put out sexually, each of The Avengers don’t have time to be pissed off because they’re too preoccupied with containing a very very angry Bruce from Hulking out and ripping the guy to shreds.

Steve can’t even, because Bucky is just… sinfully beautiful to Steve no matter what gender he’s dressing as or wants to be. He quietly declares ‘Take Me to Church’ as the soundtrack of his wrecked life. At first, he silently supports Bucky in his decisions to go on a few dates with various people both male and female. He along with Natasha were in favor of letting Bruce have have his way with Bucky’s selfish ex. But it was hard watching people who were supposed to love Bucky, look at him like they would rather not have a partner that is mixed gender, or watching him have a partner that silently tries to push him to one gender. And one day he tells Bucky this and Bucky confesses that he’s just not good enough for Steve. He says that Steve deserves someone who knows exactly who they are and what they want, not someone who’s fucked up and only has one arm and isn’t comfortable enough to have sex. Steve tells Bucky that if he’s fucked up then Steve is fucked up too because he wants nothing more than to love him unconditionally. He loves Bucky Barnes new and old and all the ‘fucked up’ things that come with him.

Ice, time, death, aliens, bigots, fuckin nazis, and homophobia can’t even keep him away, so Bucky better get used to it, “Jerk, cause I want this… with you. I want you.”

Now adays 80% of their relationship is spent on the couch communicating feelings, memories, likes, dislikes, and just talking about nothing specific. Steve thinks that this is more than okay. They aren’t ripping eachother’s clothes off 24/7 like everyone else seems to think they do. If anything, they haven’t gotten that far in the sexual department because of Bucky’s trauma. Steve has read anything and everything there is about PTSD, brain injury, sexual/emotional/physical/mental abuse, to know that these things take a huge amount of time. And if their relationship never gets to that point, Steve has made it perfectly clear that he is 10987657890% okay with that. He thinks that seeing/being the cause of Bucky full belly laughing, throwing his head back and everything, is probably just as good as seeing him naked. If it would make Bucky happy, Steve would follow him to the ends of the Earth; sex or no sex.

Natasha tells him that this is love. He tells her that he knows.

He can’t really help the fact that his boyfriend is sexy as hell and sometimes just looking at him is enough to get Steve’s mind in the gutter, but he would never tocuh without permission. Hell, he rarely even looks without permission, used to blush maddly everytime Bucky caught him staring until one day Bucky told him that he likes when Steve stares, because it makes him feel wanted in a good way.

Of course Steve has his own PTSD from fighting in the war, watching his best friend die, drowning and freezing, and aliens to take into account. And Bucky is just as patient and understanding with Steve as Steve is with him. And they rely on their friends a lot for support and that’s okay.

On the nights that Natasha is gone, Steve will help Bucky with his hair, sometimes he’ll brush it out after Bucky showers. On one particular hot summer day while the team is out enjoying a picnic, Steve will pick some wildflowers and sit behind his boyfriend and gently weave them into Bucky’s braid without having been asked too. Bucky will smile at this and so will every one else. Steve will shyly compliment, “You look really pretty today… but you always look good so…” and Bucky will smirk and chuckle at him.  will let Bucky paint his nails and vice versa and doesn’t give a single shit about what any reporter says because, “I am a man who wears nail polish. Got a problem?”


dear god i have to stop because this is turning into a fanfiction and not a simple headcanon and omg someone stop me or i’ll literally rewrite this entire thing and turn it into a fanfiction i am sorry. It turned into my headcanons for the entire fuckin avengers team, not just one for bucky.

soviet-lovers  asked:

I'm not a fan of the Nat being blonde thing. With that said, we know she'll be on Wakanda &Scarlett filmed the same time as Seb, I have a hunch (I'm thankful I do) that this might correlate somehow into her scenes with Bucky, as to whether he will recognize her or not, IF she's still blonde at that point. I don't think she will be and I hope not but she might be, I'd love to know your thoughts or speculation about how the writers could play that out?? (:

Yeah I’m blown away by the blond thing! Is it a wig for one scene? Is it a more permanent change? Will they use it to mark time passing at some point?

I think the color change makes sense re: being in hiding. It also feels like they could use it re Bucky, yeah I really agree with you there. That’s where my attention is at right now. Him making a comment about it, or… just not sure. 

Okay Sebastian has said that there’s like a two-step process for Bucky recalling memories. The first is facts coming back to him in fragments. The *second* is emotions bubbling up about them and that might not always get itself sorted right away. I think that played a role in seeing Steve again. I think he knew who he was already, but his emotions about their bond maybe didn’t entirely surface until they were in each others’ presence again. That’s part of why he lied to Steve so badly. My best guess right now is that Bucky has remembered enough details of his time with Nat to at least look back fondly on that time. He saw her three times in CW, I think that’s enough to start piecing together at least the facts. If he remembers her comment in Berlin, he might even realize that she remembers him. Where he is emotionally when they see each other again, I don’t know. But I think he could say something about her hair… or even respond differently to it than most around her do, and the storytellers could play with that narratively.

Yeah, what I’ve got on this is a mess right now. My brain actually works at a slow pace with this speculation stuff. I’m certain I’ll have a hare-brained theory to share with you on this subject, three weeks from now at 1am!!

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okay! okay! natasha romanoff emoted so much for steve rogers during this film i mean there is a whole bunch of scenes but these just caught me because she, in the first one, is worried about his life okay, for so many reasons maybe because she knows steve is willing to die for someone else especially bucky barnes and thas the reason why she  tries to talk him down the entire movie because his actions for bucky will definitely get him killed she is so genuinely worried for his life!!! okay!!!

then this next one. she is starin straight daggers at ross’s ass for even thinking about coming for him. like holy hell dont let her catch you out on the street you will get every bit of the asswhoopin you deserve for coming after the boys