i just found this in my room and thought some of you might not have seen it

i know it’s kind of a meme in the fandom that viktor thought making A SCENE and greeting yuuri naked in japan but i think that was completely unintentional? which makes it even funnier imo?

allow me to explain

i don’t know exactly how long after yuuri’s video went viral that this scene happens, but it’s safe to say that at least a couple of days passed? perhaps a week or a bit more, even though the anime makes it look like it’s on the next day?

so he’s been avoiding the media for days, keeping his phone off so absolutely nobody’s going to be able to reach him until people forget about this madness 

which means he’s also entirely clueless about the rumors of viktor being his coach

and it makes it so much funnier because we know yuuri’s dad doesn’t know jack shit about figure skating, and viktor doesn’t know how to speak japanese AND IT WAS PROBABLY TOSHIYA WHO FIRST TALKED TO VIKTOR WHEN HE ARRIVED AT YU-TOPIA?

TOSHIYA IF YOU’D ONLY GET INTO YOUR SON’S ROOM, LOOKED AROUND AND DID THE MATH YOU WOULD KNOW

so what has happened was probably something like “i have no idea what you’re saying mr. foreign-dude but you’re probably here for our famous onsen so yes make yourself comfortable” which viktor, tired as fuck from his travel (a long ass flight from st. petersburg to tokyo, probably? plus the train from tokyo to hasetsu?) GLADLY ACCEPTS

hell yeah i’m going to enjoy the fuck out of his hot spring

since yuuri is nowhere to be seen why not take some time to relax after a long travel, am i right

it’s not like viktor would understand if yuuri’s parents were to say “oh yes yuuri is holed up in his bedroom but he’ll come out eventually” so as viktor is pretty sure he found the right place and that yuuri is there he’ll just wait and have a nice soak meanwhile

AND THEN YUURI JUST BARGES INTO THE ROOM WHERE VIKTOR IS BATHING

well, this was not how i had planned this to go but here you are?

AND OF COURSE, STANDING UP WAS COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY BUT VIKTOR BASICALLY INVENTED BEING EXTRA AND… LET ME SHOW YOU MY HOT BOD BECAUSE I GOT TO SEE YOUR ALMOST-EVERYTHING AT THE BANQUET SO I THINK IT’S FAIR YOU GET TO SEE ME NOW AM I RIGHT??? 

in viktor’s mind, yuuri is this extroverted, outgoing party animal he got to know at the banquet and was absolutely mesmerized by, so he probably thinks yuuri’s going to be alright with this extra introduction? also knowing yuuri lives and probably worked at the onsen for a while viktor maybe just assumes he’s probably unfazed by nudity?

oh viktor, little did you know

it just gets funnier the more you look into it

Witchy Items for Your Altar

I share a very small room with my sister, and obviously don’t have much room for an altar. I use most of my space for my Hellenic shrines and altar. I keep my witchy stuff on my shared bedside table. Here is what I use, and how I store/display it. This is element based, but you can use it however you like.  

North (Earth)

  • Small Himalayan Rock Salt Lamp - This is a tool I use all the time. It detoxifies my room, and cleanses the space. I feel so much more at ease with it on, like it’s washing everything away!
  • Crystals - You might want to move these or switch them out depending on what spell you’re doing, as all energy contributes to the working, but while you’re in your room, or even while you’re away, you can leave these here to represent Earth. 
  • Salt - Little packets of salt work, or you can place a bowl with some salt in it on your altar. I use my rock salt lamp. 
  • Dirt - A literal baby jar of dirt works, or you can put a plant on your altar if it’s by a window. I have a succulent!
  • Earth Imagery - A mini globe would be pretty cool! Or even a little eraser or what not. Having an actual picture of the Earth would be amazing, especially if the clouds were visible, and maybe if it had the sun in the background. Then it could be all encompassing of the elements.
  • Herbs, Flowers, Plants, etc -  As with the crystals, you may want to change these out or put them away during spells, or switch them out. However, they would look really cool as you went with the seasons!
  •  Fossils - I think fossils are awesome Earth representations. They have been in the ground for a very long time! I used to have some really cool fossils I used to represent Earth on my altar.
  • Tree Slice - Have you ever seen those little wooden slices that come from a tree stump? The ones that definitely had huge roots? Those would be perfect to represent Earth! 

South (Fire)

  • Birthday Candles/Tea Lights - You can colour code! These are great for short workings, or even to call the elements. To make these stand up, place them in a bit of clay and let it harden. 
  • Matches -  Double whammy here-  light your candles and have a representation!
  • Ash - I used to have volcanic ash, which was perfect. It got spilled, but for the while that I had it, it was awesome. Collect ash from incense, a fire, etc, and use it (just wait for it to cool!!!)
  • Charcoal - I always thought charcoal looked kinda witchy. I think a dish of it would make a good rep.
  •  Charred Wood - If you have a bonfire, or just so happen to light a piece of wood on fire, you could let it cool and use it for your altar. 
  • Lamp - If you have a secret altar, a little lamp could be an inconspicuous representation for fire, as it does produce light and heat. 
  • Lantern - You can buy super cute mini lanterns at the Dollar Store. I love them, but haven’t gotten one yet. I think they would be fun to use for Fire.  

West (Water) 

  • Glass of Water - You can use whatever type of water you’d like; moon water, rose water, purified water, gem elixir; take your pick!  Just make sure it doesn’t get moldy and stay moldy. Change it out each day/week. 
  • Sea Shells - You can get these in super small sizes! Or, you can get them big and bulky. 
  • Sea Glass - These little stone-like fragments are so pretty! They look just like crystals, and can be found on the beach or in the store!
  • Sea Salt -  Sea Salt could work to represent Water, especially if you pour it into a seashell or add in sea glass to it. It could be like a little potpourri of water related objects!
  • Rain Cloud - You can create clouds out of things like stuffing for toys, cotton balls, and sometimes led lights. It could be a fun project, or you can buy one of them off of etsy.  
  • Mermaid Image - I have a mermaid book mark made of metal, and it sits with my other water-related objects. I feel like it adds that feel of majesty to my water representation. 
  • Drift Wood - This is so pretty! The pieces are smooth, have a fun shape, and definitely capture the essence of water!
  • Sand - If you go to a beach, collect some sand, and place it somewhere on your altar! Be sure to put it in a bowl, though, because it is hard to clean up. 
  • Sea Weed - You can hang this somewhere, or put it directly on your altar. Either way, it looks great.
  • Coral - If you find some coral, you can place it on your altar. It looks so neat!
  • Starfishes/Sand Dollars/etc. - These are a little harder to find on the beach, but if you do, place them on your altar. 

East (Air)

  • Wind Chimes - These add a little decoration to your altar, as well as give you an air representaiton. You can even listen for the tinkling of bells to see if any fae are around!
  • Bells - If you ring a bell, it disperses stagnant energy, and helps to cleanse a space. Having one on your altar is a great way to keep it fresh!
  • Feathers - This is a pretty obvious one, an oldie but a goodie. If you have some feathers, you can use them, but make sure there are no laws against collecting them in your area. Alternatively, you can use fake ones from a craft store. 
  • Empty Glass or Bottle - Air is all around us. Use that to your advantage! 
  • Dandelion Puff - This is what I immediately think of when I picture the wind. You can collect some puffs and put them in a glass. 
  • Bird’s Nest (fake) - You can buy or make a fake bird’s nest. They look pretty real, and have this awesome rustic naturey vibe to them!
  • Leaves - They were once high in the sky! Collect them during the fal season or after a storm. 
  • Incense - Another well-known one. You can burn this and use the smoke. 
  • Tornado Making Jar - You know those little jars that you can shake up, and they make a tornado? Those would be a fun water-air duo!

Other: 

  • Small Jewelry Box - This can store crystals, herbs, essential oils, etc. I use to use mine to cleanse my crystals becuase it played music!
  • Multi Colour Light-Up Candle - I found mine at Five Below! It lights up in tons of different colours, but is pretty large. However, it takes up a lot less room than a bunch of different coloured candles.
  • Your Wand - Having your wand on your altar makes it a sacred, special tool. It will be charged by the witchy items you have there, and will feel natural inn the environment. 
  • A Mini Besom or Real Besom (Broom) - I use a paintbrush as a mini besom, as I can’t have real one. However, it would be nice if I did, and I’d keep it near my altar!
  • Your Grimoire/Spellbook/BOS/etc - If you aren’t hiding it, you could keep it on your altar! 
  • A  Fire-Safe Dish or Cauldron - If you water scry, burn things, or just like to include your cauldron in your spells, you can keep it on your altar. 
  • Incense Tray - Incense can’t be burned without somewhere to place it. Keep your incense holder handy!
  • Altar Cloth - This ties everything together! It can be switched out for sabbats/festivals/seasons/spells. 
  • Chalice - I’m not Wiccan, but I use the chalice in my workings every once in a while, usually for water-related magic. You can get these beautiful metal ones at antique stores, or regular old wine glasses at the dollar store!
  • Mortar and Pestle - For practical use and an awesome vibe! You can keep this near your herbs.
  • Coloured/Enchanted Salts - They display beautifully,and are really good to have on hand.  
  • Spirit Vessels - These can go in their own little corner if you like. They could also be the center of your altar, especially if you work mainly with spirits.  
  • Tarot/Other Cartomancy Cards - Find a nook for your cards to be kept safe and clean. They will be charged by the other objects all around it, which makes it an awesome idea to have on your altar. 
  • Scrying Mirror - Make this the main attraction, or perhaps just a piece of the puzzle. If you have an ornate mirror, it could be a very drawing part of your altar! 
  • Crystal Ball - Like the scrying mirror, it could be a background piece or the focal point. 
  • Runes - If you cast runes, you can keep your bag or box of them on or near your altar. 
  • Other Divination Tools - You cans store these, or just la them throughout your altar. Whatever you choose, having your tools close by will be awesome! 
  • Twig Shapes - You can make sigils out of twigs and hot glue! Add a ribbon or piece of twin in the shape of a loop, and you can hang them above your altar as decoration and as a little energy booster!
  • Circle (Embroidery Hoop) - I know most people use salt to cast circles, but I actually use an embroidery hoop. I cast one around myself, and one around the items I am working with (ex: what’s in the hoop).
  • Knife - If you use a ritual or practical knife in your workings, it’s good to have on hand. I can’t have one, but I like my wand better anyway, personally. 
  • Fae Garden - You’ll have to have plenty of sunlight near your altar for this one, but it will definitely be fun to have some Fae living on your altar!
  • Spell Supplies - Random bits and bobs, like egshells and ribbons, can be kept on your altar as well. 
nude wars | pt.1 (m)

pairings: yoongi x reader x jungkook

genre: smut, touches of fluff / frat!yoonkook

word count: 4,458

description: Okay sure, maybe having a threesome with two best friends from the same frat wasn’t the smartest thing you’d ever done. But hey, when the result was them vying for your attention in the form of scandalous snaps, breathy audio messages, and unspeakable texts, well then the decision definitely wasn’t that bad.

— Or alternatively, your phone getting caught in the middle of Yoongi and Jungkook constantly trying to one-up each other in a war of sexting (and just maybe romantics).

Nine texts, four missed calls, several snaps, one voice mail — who the fuck leaves voicemails?

The notifications flashed across the home screen of your phone after your blurry and sleep-deprived eyes managed to locate the button to stop your shrieking alarm that was set for six-thirty in the goddamn morning. The early wake-up time due to the fact that it was your turn to trudge through the morning shift at the café you worked at — now that was what you called a simple cause and effect. You have the morning shift, so you set your alarm earlier than usual. It was simple, however as your thumb rested against the screen of your phone, the previously mentioned notifications continuing to stare back at you with urging enticement, you once again wondered how this particular cause and effect had come to fruition.

Your teeth caught hold of your bottom lip, bearing down on the tender flesh as your heart began to rapidly beat against your chest. Ragged sighs invaded your lungs as you pressed your thumb against the home button of the device. It unlocked, revealing what you of course already knew would be there. The small red dots that indicated how many missed alerts you had received throughout the night. It was with a deep breath that you pressed down on the first icon to rid yourself of the notification that held the least weight.

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anonymous asked:

I'm sorry to bother you, but do things really get better? I'm 16 right now and everything I know is sadness and exhaustion and anger and then I talk to my parents and they just complain about adult life... is it worth it to go on?

oh gosh, i promise, it’s worth waiting, buddy. i know there are a lot of people who say, oh it gets better. and it does in some ways, but what it really gets is different. the people who are angry and mean and horrible often stay that way. the people who cut you off or who flip you off or who piss you off often are the same people at 16 as at 26. 

i think i hated people telling me “it gets better” because what could get better about being a mentally ill queer cuban girl in a world that wanted to eat me. i got spat out. my writing isn’t published because i’ve been rejected so many times i don’t even notice anymore. i was told a few times “make it less obviously homosexual”. what is going to get better about that, i said to myself. the memory of it will never be a nice one.

things got different slowly. like i didn’t realize until i was far on the other side of it. i wasn’t kidding in that last post when i said today i read my writing at 15 and it was painfully obvious how depressed i was. i didn’t have a diagnosis. like you, all i knew was that i was exhausted and angry and sad all the time and when i talked about it, i was told “everyone feels that way sometimes.” i felt that way all the time. in this story, i don’t suddenly wake up after turning 18 and have a magical life where it is all bunnies and flowers and loving. it took me 3 years of trying before i finally managed to quit self-harm completely. my eating disorder and i are still not on speaking terms, luckily. i’m slowly getting a handle on my ocd. i didn’t realize that the biggest thing that was changing was me.

yeah. being out of the house made it easier. away from where people knew me as a certain person. being someone new or being who i was or being in a room full of people who didn’t care how gay i was. being in control made it better. finding real and true friends made it better. being able to make my own plans and choose my own story and do more than just wait until i was old enough to be taken seriously - it got better.

but honestly it’s me. i learned how to shake hands with depression, he and i are such good old buddies i sometimes see him before he’s even coming. and i’ve gotten so good at getting out of his embrace, because practice makes perfect, same as anything. and i’ve learned things about myself i had no idea about at 16. i didn’t even realize i’m funny. i had never been skinny dipping. my only kiss had been sort of an accident. there was a lot i cared about then that i don’t care about now, because in my new world outside of that, the people i surround myself with don’t care either. i’ve worn a dinosaur onesie pajama set to eight parties now when 19 year old me wouldn’t be seen without her makeup. i wear glasses in public even though i’m nervous they make me look like a bug. i have tattoos and new piercings and a bank account (and no money) and i have love. and i don’t mean with a partner, although i’m blessed enough to say i have that as well - i mean. i just found it. i taught myself how to look for it. i figured - listen, i’m here still, so i might as well, like, try to enjoy it. and it wasn’t overnight. it still goes away sometimes. but i love so much and so easily now. i laugh more because of it. i let myself love dogs and movies and silly things. and this love sort of … makes things better. because it reflects off of everything into you. like a mirror.

at sixteen… at sixteen i was very suicidal. i didn’t know that it applied to me, because i thought i was just annoying and lazy. looking back now i always pull a face at how obvious it was, and how close i got to walking myself into a grave. it was more than a close call. death, like, waved. i actually believed i wouldn’t make it past 18. what was the point? what was the point of anything? i think if i’d told myself then, “it gets better”, i would have laughed. “maybe for you!” i would have said, “you have money and a life and you’re not like this.” but it did get better. in inches. stick around to see it. stick around to see everything wonderful that’s waiting in the wings for you. that knows your name. a fate of beautiful moments that are small and precious, like butterflies landing on fingers or snowflakes on tongues, or just sitting with a good book during the rainfall. hell, stick around to write the book, because (trust me), if you believe in your art and yourself - it can be done.

stick around most of all because what gets better is you fall in love with yourself. the world doesn’t become suddenly sickeningly sweet, even if the people around you become better and you’re given more opportunity. that’s wonderful too but… what happens is that over time, the stuff they told you stops sticking. you realize that just because your nose is crooked it doesn’t even matter because it doesn’t stop you from being the best dang ping pong player in your family. you realize you have a family, even if they’re not blood. you realize you are your own family. and you learn to take care of yourself and yes, it gets ugly at times, but you manage. and inside of managing there’s all these wonderful successes like mac and cheese and getting the bills done and the smell of clean laundry and friends that make you laugh so hard you almost pee and an apartment with plants in every corner and a hairless cat in sweaters or a dog with a bowtie or both and watching movies and reading books and seeing art, all of which haven’t been created yet, and possibly you’re the one who makes them. and managing … managing doesn’t have to be big. sometimes it’s just making a small difference. and sometimes the person you make a difference to is yourself. and that’s amazing.

stick around because, trust me, somewhere in there, you meet your younger self in your dreams and you tell her - oh gosh, i promise, it’s worth waiting, buddy.

away from the sun

soulmate au 

pairing: taehyung | reader
genre: fluff and soft angst
word count: 20.409
warnings: none
author’s note: this story involved a whole lot of research involving many topics (read on if you want to find out hehe). I tried to represent them in the best way I could, but there are probably a few inaccuracies, so I apologize in advance for that. anyway, this is just another long plot with a bit of cheese on the side. please enjoy :) 


Once every five years, when the June solstice arrives and graces the sky with the midnight sun, a comet dashes by.

It is more than just a blinking light that moves at an unhinged speed. According to what you’ve heard, it looks like it stills in the middle of the vastness of space, and its tail flickers and shimmies in long tendrils of vibrant colors full of meaning — a subtle force that speaks to the humans who look up to the stars and set their eyes on the glowing meteorite, unique but just as intense for every single gaze. It speaks of soulmates and fate, of heavy truths and indelible bonds.

Each person sees a different pool of colors. You’ve heard more than a thousand stories, of people who saw the colors of the fireplace and others who were seized by the soothing hues of woodland during dawn. You’ve read about colors that go from the red blush of a beach beneath the sunset to the ivory traces of a wintry hill covered in thick snow. The colors do not give them the name of their soulmates, but once they find their other half, they will see those rich tones reflected in their lover’s eyes.

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You Suck, Parker

Request: #111 with peter ?

Prompt: 111.  A (whispering): I really like you and want to kiss you a lot.
       B: What?
       A: I said you suck.

Word Count: 1476

Warnings: SO MANY SEXUAL INNUENDOS

A/N: Holy moly I had so much fun writing this one.

Summary: Peter and Y/N have been friends for quite some time and wow, they finally admit their feelings for each other while making a few sexual innuendos here and there. (THis is fluffy I swear).

MASTERLIST


“Y/N, when will you be home tonight?” Your mother asked you.

“Not sure. Peter and I have a Chem test on Monday and want to try and get a lot of studying in before then,”

“Meaning the two of you won’t study at all, but watch movies and then fall asleep on the couch,”

“Yeah, that sounds about right,” you you admitted.

“Alright, behave yourself and make sure you’re home by tomorrow morning,”

“Of course, mom. I’ll see you tomorrow!” You said as you left your house to head to Peter’s.

You and Peter had known each other for quite a long time, and you usually spent your Friday night’s ‘studying’ aka, attempting to study but ending up watching movies.

You would argue that you were Peter’s best friend, but Ned always says otherwise. But you and Peter were rather close, you were always spending time with him, and it was no secret to you that he was Spiderman.

And of course, you harboured feelings for the boy. For as long as you could remember you had had a crush on Peter Parker. And damn, were your feelings growing with each passing day. Peter, of course, had no idea, but you weren’t exactly sure whether that was a problem or not.

When you arrived at Peter’s door, you knocked and May let you in.

“Y/N! Peter will be so happy you’re here. He’s in his room, just go on it,”

“Thanks May! It’s great to see you,”

“Nice to see you too, Y/N,” She said as you walked away towards Peter’s room

“Knock knock,” You said, opening Peter’s bedroom door.

“Y/N, hey,” he smiled

You walked in and sat down on Peter’s chair, across from his bed where he was sitting.

“So did you bring your books?” Peter asked

“Of course not Parker. We never actually study, I thought why bother lugging heavy textbooks over here if we weren’t actually going to study,”

Peter laughed, “That’s fair, but I thought we could skip the movie tonight?”

“Skip the movie? Who are you and what have you done with Peter Parker?”

“C’mon, I had a better idea,”

“And what is this better idea of yours Mr Parker?” You questioned.

Peter smiled at you, stood up and walked across his room to his closet. He began stripping, pulling his shirt off

“Not that I’m opposed to this, but what are you doing Parker?”

Peter laughed, “I’m putting on my Spidey suit,”

“Oh, so not only are you getting naked, but you’re getting kinky,” you raised your eyebrows.

“Geez, Y/N, didn’t realize you were into that kinda thing,” Peter said, continuing to put on his suit.

“Oh there’s a lot you don’t know i’m into,” 

“Oh yeah, and what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Play your cards right and maybe one day you’ll find out,”

“I’ll definitely keep that in mind,” Peter said.

He put the mask over his face and walked over and held his hand out to you,

“Shall we, my dear?”

“And what exactly are we doing?”

“Just, come with me,”

You took Peter’s hand and followed him out onto his fire escape.

“What now, Parker?” You asked

Peter wrapped his arm around your waist and said “Now you hold on tight,”

“Oh god,” you muttered, wrapping your arms around his neck.

Suddenly, your feet weren’t on the fire escape anymore, you could feel yourself flying through the air. Your heart was rapidly beating

“Don’t worry, Y/N, I’ve got you,” Peter said.

You tightened your grip on Peter, closed your eyes, and buried your face in his neck. You felt Peter’s arm wrap tighter around your waist.

Soon, you felt Peter hit the ground, and he slowly let go of you and your feet hit the ground.

You opened your eyes and looked around, you were standing on a roof,

“Where are we?”

“I found this place not too long ago, its nothing special, but you can see so much of the city from up here, I thought it was so beautiful when I first saw it. It reminded me of you. I knew I had to show you,” Peter answered, taking off his mask.

You walked to the edge of the building and stared off watching the lights of the city. The cars’ lights reflections danced off the windows of the buildings around you. You could hear the noises of the city below, the car horns and the sirens, yet everything was quiet so high up.

“It really is beautiful up here, Peter,” you turned to look at him

“I’m glad you like it,” He smiled, rubbing the back go his head with his hand.

“Its not just the view I like, Peter,”

“Right, you like the Spidey suit, turns you on,” He joked

“More like I really like you and want to kiss you a lot,” you whispered to yourself

What?” Peter asked

I said you suck, Parker,”

Peter rolled his eyes, and grabbed your hand, “Come on, theres something else I want to show you,”

You allowed Peter to lead you across the roof of the building. There was a small garden in the corner, with a bench next to it.

“Peter, this is so beautiful,”

You approached the garden and slowly let your hand fall out of Peter’s as you bent down to admire the flowers.

“I remember you telling me you love forget-me-not’s and lilies, so I planted some earlier this season and they finally bloomed, so I figured now would be the best time to show you this place,”

“Peter, how on earth do you not have a girlfriend? You’re actually the sweetest boy I know,” you smiled, leaning over to place a kiss on his cheek.

“Well actually, there is someone I like,”

“Oh really? And who might this special someone be?” You teased, walking around the garden to lean on the side of the roof.

“Well, they know my secret,” Peter said, holding up his mask, “they also are always crashing my house and distracting me from my homework,”

Peter started walking closer towards you.

“They also can never decide what movie to watch on movie nights. Not to mention that they distract me in class too. Not on purpose, mind you, but they’re so beautiful, I can’t help but stare at them,”

You smiled, you knew he was talking about you. As soon as he started talking, you knew.

“Tell me more, Peter Parker,”

Peter was now standing right in front of you, “Well, i’ve kinda had a thing for them for a few years now. I’m kinda actually in love with them,”

“Well, in that case, there’s something you should know Parker,”

“What’s that, Y/N?” 

“There this superhero I’m kind of in love with,”

“Please tell me its not Mr. Stark, that would just make this so awkward,”

“No, but have you seen Captain America’s ass? Damn,”

Peter rolled his eyes at you.

“I’m kidding. Kind of,” you said

“Y/N,-“ Peter started

“I love you too, Peter,” You said

“Don’t you mean I really like you and want to kiss you a lot,” Peter whispered

“You dID HEAR ME,”

“Of course I heard you,” Peter smiled.

“You suck, Parker,”

“Does this mean I can kiss you now?”

“I think I changed my mind. Do you have Captain America’s number? He seems like he wouldn’t be as mean to me,”

You stared at Peter while he bit back a smile.

“Yes Parker! Kiss me already,”

Peter put his hands on either side of your face, and gently pressed his lips up against yours. 

You pulled away, “You still suck Parker,”

“I think, now, it’ll be you that will be the one who sucks,”

“Oh mY GOD PARKER!” You laughed.

“Sorry, sorry, it had to be said,” he smiled.

“So Parker, are you going to take me back to your house so we can finish up that movie night, and maybe, maybe, if you’re lucky we can talk about that other thing you suggested,”

“I think by the time you even decide on a movie to watch, i’ll be asleep and it’ll be too late for anything else,” he joked

“Well it would be the perfect way to wake up, now wouldn’t it, Parker,”

“Damn, maybe I should wear this suit around you more often,”

“Believe me, its not the suit,”

“Well, then what are we waiting for?” Peter asked, putting his mask back on.

He wrapped his arm sound your waist and shot a web to another building. The two of you were flying over the city once again, but this time you kept your eyes open.

Handyman

Handyman (m)

Word count: 9.4k

Genre/Warnings: smut, angst, sub!Jimin, dirty talk

Pairing: Jimin x Reader

Summary: Jimin is your landlord’s son. After one stressful day he comes to fix your shower for you. You find yourself constantly thinking about him. Could he be the perfect submissive? (here’s some lovely Jimin moans for the occasion: credit to owner)

I’ve been working on this for forever so i’m excited about it! :)

Keep reading

Tricky*

Pairing: Bearded!Steve Rogers x Reader
Rating: Mature
Summary: Reader admires Steve shaving his beard and wants to finish the job herself.
Word Count: 1.8k
Genre: Fluff/NSFW-ish
Warnings: ambiguous relationship, Steve being a sarcastic bastard, flirting, innuendos/suggestive themes, sexual tension and light hair pulling.
Author’s Note: it’s inspired by a conversation with a friend about Bearded!Steve in Avengers: Infinity War. The second gif below is from the shaving scene between Moneypenney and Bond in Skyfall, which you all need to watch because… dayum!

   Verona, Italy

As you opened the door of your hotel room, you popped your head out; looking at either side of the corridor a little while after the breakfast had been served. Seeing no one on the perimeter, you tied your robe around your waist and closed the door behind you.

Tiptoeing, you went across the hall. You reached the door of the partner you’d been assigned for this mission and carefully knocked. As you distinguished the familiar sound of his footsteps in the room, you glanced behind you to make sure no one was watching you. The same move you’d been making for the last few days.

Steve opened the door enough for you to see him holding his shield. He let his guard down, smiling as he saw you. You took notice of the only towel he wore around his narrow waist, his hair damped and messy like he’d been drying them before you’d interrupted him.

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Imagine You Won a Cruise in Space

Part 1

You couldn’t believe how lucky you had been! Only six people had been selected in the whole country and you got to be one of them! An interstellar alliance had recently made contact with Earth and offered six lucky people - randomly drawn, of course - the chance for a year long cruise through the galaxy.

You were greeted on the ship and led to a cozy room with soft carpet and cushy chairs to sit in. You had been the first to arrive, but the other winners had quickly followed. As the six of you - three men and three women - sat and chatted excitedly amongst yourselves, you couldn’t believe how swanky this ship was. Especially given it had been designed by other species. Soon, a human-looking man in a suit greeted you all.

“Welcome!” he chirped, with an enormous grin on his face. “We’re beginning takeoff as I speak, but you shouldn’t feel any turbulence. And don’t worry, this ship is the safest the alliance has to offer. And, of course, you will all be well taken care of during your stay on this ship with your new mates!”

“Mates?!” all six of you cried.

“Why, of course,” he stated, as if it were obvious. “Didn’t anyone tell you?”

“Well, it’s only for a year, right?” one of the other women offered hopefully.

“Absolutely not,” your host retorted, sounding almost offended. “All of the species you’ve been paired with mate for life. As I understand it, you humans are monogamous, are you not?”

“Sometimes,” one of the men snorted with a smirk.

Another man appeared confused. “But how could we mate with different species? Obviously there will be no offspring.”

The host rolled his eyes. “You humans are so behind, technologically. We are more than capable of making all of you compatible with your new mates.”

“Aren’t you human?” you asked.

“No,” he replied patiently. “I’m a shape-shifter. And you’re all very lucky none of you are going to be impregnated by my species. Our females are pregnant for five years,” he informed them with a smirk. “Obviously all of you will carry your young for different lengths of time, though. Two of you will be assigned to each species, but even if you have the same species, there will be variance in the lengths of time you each carry the young.”

“Each?!” the three men cried.

“We’re not getting pregnant, right?” a small, pale man asked.

“You most certainly are,” the shape-shifter corrected. He received a ping on a device and a large smile split onto his face. “Okay, each of your mates is prepped in a room for all of you, so after your physical, you can go straight to them.”

You were then ushered off into an examination room as you were thoroughly examined - particularly in your child-bearing abilities. Just when you thought all the poking and prodding was over, you were given multiple injections all over from your neck to your uterus. At first you didn’t feel anything but after a few moments you began to feel…strange.

“Don’t worry, honey,” the nurse - who was a reptilian species - told you in an attempt to be comforting. “Molzon hormones tend to make you feel a little funny, but you’re just fine.”

As she lead you to where your ‘mate’ awaited, you asked her, “What’s a Molzon?”

“Oh, they’re amphibious,” she drawled. “If I’ve read my human folklore correctly, then they’re kind of like your mermaids. Except: instead of a fish tail, they have tentacles as their lower half. You seem like a sweet girl, so I’m sure you and him will get along just fine.”

She stared expectantly at you as you stood outside the door. Feeling as though you were going to throw up from a combination of nervousness and Molzon hormones, you opened the door.

Inside, you saw him and he was close to what the nurse had described. He was a sort of octopus merman with blue-green skin that was shifting color slightly. However, unlike the mermen conjured in your imagination, he a little thick around the middle. It almost looked a little like a beer belly. He noticed you come in and his eyes grew wide as he blushed. “Oh, hi!” His voice cracked nervously. “I thought you might want to have some dinner, first. That’s what humans do, right?”

He appeared unsure as to whether or not what he’d done was appropriate, so you nodded silently as he lead you to a candlelit table - like something you’d see at a fancy restaurant.

You knew you were staring, but you couldn’t really help it. After all, he was an alien species. He appeared to have very little difficulty walking above water with his tentacles and because his tentacles were so long, he was about seven feet tall.

The dinner went surprisingly well, given the circumstances and Zeri, that was his name, was actually a total sweetheart. He enjoyed puzzles and playing musical instruments, and reading. The nerdy Molzon would have been exactly your type…had he been human.

“This isn’t fair to you,” he stuttered after dinner. “I know a female of my species would be much better suited-” But he cut himself off with a slight groan before stuttering out, “Did they give you the hormones, already?”

“Yeah,” you squeaked back.

He began massaging his belly and whimpering. “I’m so sorry,” he cried, before gently pulling you into an adjoining room that had a large, marine pool. He gently removed your clothes and eased you into the pool, before doubling over and moaning in pain, clutching his belly again. Then, as he lowered himself into the pool, he began panting and moaning a little as he tried to explain. “The pheromones…ghhnnng…they make me….hoo hoo hoo….I can’t stop….gaaah!” he gave a sharp cry, continuing to rub his belly, which appeared to be…clenching? “I have to mate.”

Then, he let out a monumental groan before pulling you to the middle of the pool, careful to keep your head above water. You felt something begin to prod around your vagina before unceremoniously entering. You gave a pained cry, causing Zeri to flinch, but he didn’t stop and you felt the appendage slide far up into you, past your cervix, and enter your uterus.

You were trembling from the pain and Zeri continued to stutter out apologies as his eyes watered from the great deal of pain he was obviously in, too. His tentacles held you in place as his human arms wrapped around his middle and he let out something between a groan and a grunt. “Hnnngggg.” His face slackened a little in relief as you saw a large object come out of his body, slowly begin traveling up the appendage he had inserted inside you before it, too, began prodding at your entrance.

“Zeri,” you cried in a panic.

“I’m so sorry.”

The object forced its way into your vagina, eliciting a scream of pain from you as it traveled slowly up to deposit itself in your uterus. The result was a slightly distended belly, while Zeri’s belly looked slightly smaller.

He moaned again, grunting and crying as another came out of him to force its way into you again.

This process continued for the better part of two hours and you were now HUGE - filled with eight of the damn things.

“This is…the last…one,” Zeri huffed, having difficulty breathing from all the effort exerted on his part. He continued uttering apologies as he began to expel the final egg. But this one took a lot longer than the others. “Ggghhh,” he grunted after twenty minutes, before giving out a startling cry as the egg left his body.

As you saw it traveling towards you, you found out why he’d had so much difficulty. The eggs, which had all been about the size of an elephant bird egg, paled in comparison to this one, which was almost twice as big as the others. “No, no, no, no, no,” you bawled, as it inched closer. “Please, no,” you sobbed as it began to make contact with your already sore pussy. But of course, it went in, anyway. You thought for sure you would be ripped in half and die as the ninth one was shoved in, but it made it into your uterus, just as the others did.

“One final part,” he promised.

A liquid began to pump out of his appendage and fill you. Your belly, once misshapen due to the lumpy eggs, began to smooth out and expand even further. You gasped and wheezed through the next few minutes as you were pumped with the fluid.

Then, it was finally over. Zeri, as sweaty as he was, and as much as he panted, helped you out of the water, though his tentacles were far from steady. It was difficult for you to stay upright since you felt as though you’d gained over 100 pounds since entering the water and, looking at your girth, that was definitely possible. You couldn’t wrap your arms entirely around your belly and there was about five or six inches between your fingertips when you tried. “I’m sure your exhausted,” he huffed, trying to keep both of you upright. “I’ll take you to your room.”

Your room was luxurious to say the least. You wanted to shower, but decided against it and just collapsed onto the bed, naked.

“I’ll arrange for some clothes to be brought for you tomorrow that should fit.” He had the biggest look of guilt you’d ever seen. “I’m so sorry,” he cried again, before leaving you alone.

You covered yourself with blankets, painfully aware of your newly distended belly. It was impossible to get comfortable with how angry the stretched skin felt and the extra weight, but you tried to sleep nonetheless. As Zeri had suspected, you were indeed exhausted.

The final thought that popped into your head as you drifted off was: how long will I be like this?

To be continued…

Locked Away

By reddit user Pippinacious

Six months. That’s how long almost half of the new hire last when they become social workers. Some will tell you it’s the pay, others will tell you it’s the stress, still others will complain about poor training or case overload or the broken system. But that’s all bullshit. The reason they quit is always the same; the kids.

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The Name Game

The Name Game (m)

Word count: 3.1k

Genre/warning: smut, literally no plot - I legit was having some Tae feels and wanted a dirty talk, fuckboy one shot. So this is the result.

Also for my baby girl, @borderlinehc hope you enjoy. 

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Summary: You invite some of your friends over for a small party. When a tame night in turns into a dirty one. Your friend Hoseok comes up with a fun game for you all to participate in.

You were rushing around your house getting everything ready at the last possible second. It was only some of your closest friends coming over but you still wanted the house to look good. Especially if Taehyung might show up. He said he had to work but he would try and get his shift covered. You felt like such a teenager but you really did have such a big thing for him.

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Writing gay romance between Jewish characters with two differing levels of observance

I’m writing (or, right now, more planning/outlining, with occasional writing of small scenes that I can’t get out of my head) a novel about two Jewish men who fall in love in a very Xtian, conservative town. The older of the two (late thirties) is more closeted, reclusive, and is somewhat separated from his Jewish identity as a result of a combination of assimilation and intermarriage further back in his family. The main character (mid-late twenties) on the other hand is very involved with his synagogue, works at a Hebrew summer camp, keeps shabbos, etc.

My issue is that I’m very observant (conservaform) and so is my family; I know a few folks who go to my synagogue who are “high holy day Jews”, or might also come for a wedding or bris or bar/bas mitzvah, but not many who are non-observant to the degree of this character (hasn’t set foot in synagogue since being a child, didn’t have a bar mitzvah, has a pair of somewhat observant grandparents and some cousins/etc who are observant, but most of his immediate family isn’t observant). So I’m not sure how to portray the secondary character without someone going “why not just write a Jewish guy in love with an Xtian guy” or something, because even if his relationship to Judaism and Jewish culture are somewhat distant, they’re still there. I’m also afraid that someone is going to say “why are you bashing Xtianity” about some of the subject matter (as someone who has lived in a small town, I have a decent bit of material from personal experience on Xtian antisemitism), but really the main point is that I want to portray two Jewish men loving each other.

I want to write this but don’t want goyim in particular to try to argue that I should have just made my MC’s romantic interest Xtian in the first place, because one main theme I want to explore, which I haven’t seen explored much in fiction, is being gay and Jewish. Specifically, one concept I had for the second character is how his being closeted comes largely from a place of being raised in a Xtian-secular household in a very Xtian town, and homophobia being very religiously where he lives, and so him sort of being reluctant to explore religion at all; but then seeing how the MC is Very Jewish and somewhat-openly gay, and feeling both nostalgic for the parts of his grandparents he sees in the MC (speaking Yiddish, cooking traditional Ashkenazic food), as well as longing to be as comfortable with both his sexuality and to have a relationship with G-d as the MC does.

I don’t know if this is a weirdly specific character/plot concept, but it just came to me I guess and it’s been at me long enough that I’ve started to try to outline writing it. I just want to see more gay fiction with religious, specifically Jewish, characters. Thanks for any advice you can give.

Thank you for submitting a question so close to my heart! Looks like I need to break this down into several parts: 

1. How to portray secular Jews as something distinct from Christians, secular or otherwise - this may not be as hard as you think it is because you’re Jewish and your factory settings, your defaults, your unexamined ideas, may already be different from the Christians around you. Like, I was in my 30’s before I found out that gentiles don’t do the chair dance. I thought everyone did that. Give The Upside of Unrequired by Becky Albertalli (review here) a read – her main character tells the audience that “we’re the kind of Jewish family who eats bacon” and religion itself isn’t really a presence in her life, but she still finds it meaningful that the boy she’s working with at her new job turns out to be a fellow Jew.

Other possible markers of secular Jewishness:

  • Finding Jewish representation/acknowledgment of our existence in fiction (or the Jewishness of celebrities) meaningful
  • Casual use of the most common Yiddishisms (maybe not entire curse phrases, but, like, using the word ‘kvetch’ in ordinary conversation)
  • General feeling of alienation or otherness around super overt displays of Christianity
  • Foods like matzo ball soup or latkes (for your Ashkie characters, anyway; this might be different for other subgroups of us.) 

In my new release Knit One, Girl Two, the main character Clara is a secular Jew and one of the details I used to illustrate that is that her first kiss involved sneaking off with another girl during a friend’s bar mitzvah reception. She also refers to her grandparents as Bubby and Zayde and has strong opinions about which Jewish foods she does and doesn’t like. She’s slightly awkward around the love interest’s higher level of observance, which is something secular Jews might feel out of self-consciousness—if the character cared. A secular Jewish person and a gentile person don’t approach an observant Jewish person’s observance in the same way. The gentile may misunderstand or have misconceptions; the Jewish person might feel self-conscious for not participating. Or feel nostalgic for observant people in their past (like “oh, my grandma used to –!”) 

2. How to portray your own marginalization without sounding like you’re bashing the privileged group. Now, you’re not really obligated to watch out for the feelings of a group that has hurt you by having power over you… but at the same time I 100% understand not wanting to step on toes just to save your own peace of mind. Some suggestions for this:

  • Having some of the Christians in the town be nice, but powerless to stop the jackwagon ones.
  • Flat-out having your character say “I’m not mad at Christianity; these people don’t even seem like they’re following Jesus in the first place”
  • Cut down on the more painful elements and focus on your main characters’ reactions to their hurt rather than describing the bigotry itself. That will cut down on how much your bigoted characters hurt your RL readers, so they’ll be mad at them for your main characters’ sake but not for their own sake and it’ll give them a little distance. (Example: “OMG, I can’t believe how much of a jerk Todd was being, saying all that garbage about Jews and gay people.” Instead of “Todd walked into the room and shouted that Jews are X and gay people are Y!”)
  • Try to cut down on having the most bigoted characters belong to groups marginalized along another axis. You’re going to perpetuate fatphobia if your most bigoted character is also your only fat character, and if I were reading this story I’d be uncomfortable if the homophobic/antisemitic characters were Black unless a Black author was writing it because from a white pen this could easily be read as blaming those two -phobias on Black people instead of white supremacy where it belongs. 

3. I don’t think you’re going to get “you might as well have made him Christian” coming from outsiders because you’re a Jewish person writing Jewish characters. Just speaking from personal experience.. In any case, a secular Jewish character is not a Christian character. Sometimes they can come off that way when gentiles write them, because they won’t know what kind of details to add to make their being Jewish not seem arbitrarily pasted on, but I doubt that would happen from a Jewish writer. 

4. “One main theme I want to explore, which I haven’t seen explored much in fiction, is being gay and Jewish.” 

I have several recommendations for you! 

First of all, Jordan S. Brock’s just come out with a m/m novel called Change of Address based on her own experiences with PTSD and a service dog—it’s even dedicated to the service dog. Like her, the love interest is a Jewish adoptee, and the character’s observance mirrors her own – he and his father don’t allow bacon in the house but they’ll eat pepperoni as long as it’s somewhere else, for example. 

Out of print but easy to find in libraries through ILL is The Dyke and the Dybbuk, Ellen Galford’s paranormal f/f comedy about a demon who possesses a Jewish lesbian cab driver and makes her get a crush on an Orthodox woman as a prank. (Review)  

I also collected this list of free queer Jewish SFF short stories, which includes nonbinary representation. As far as my own works go, I really tried to infuse the Tales from Perach collection with all the joy and gratefulness both Judaism, Jewishness, and queerness have brought to my life – there’s a lesbian’s grateful prayer of thanks for her relationship with her wife, an elderly trans woman and her husband attending services, and a royal family with two moms and two dads putting on an exceptionally lavish Purimspiel that includes a scripted swordfight. 

I’m glad you’re writing something to add to this and expand the body of LGBT Jewish literature, especially something where both members of the couple are Jewish.

–Shira

Humans are Weird-Death

Hey guys, so I wanted to add to the humans are weird thing that’s going around, and this kinda came to me in the shower, so…enjoy?

Zah Rem was dying. They knew it the moment the Ra-Sek corridors of the station began to feel cold. It had been easy to dismiss the chill at first. The Humans always kept the main corridors to a barely tolerable 24 degrees Celcius, the Terran unit of heat. So Zah Rem had kept to Ra-Sek corridors, content to survey the movement of their officers from the comfort of warmer areas.

But then they had Stopped in the Ra-Sek sustenance area. The area was used infrequently as most of the new officers preferred to communal sustenance area, and so some time had passed before a Terran ensign accidentally stumbled across them. The human had run to get help, and that’s how Zah Rem found themself in the infirmary, a heat unit glowing above their bed as machines monitored every pulse of their internal fire.

To the Ra-Set, the Cooling was a very private matter. It was some small mercy really- a natural death for a Ra-Sek happened over the course of only days, and after the initial passing ceremony the Ra-Sek left the dying in peace to contemplate their life. At least, that’s how it had been before.

A human, mouth closed in a Ra-Sek neutral expression, sat at the end of their bed, eyes occasionally flicking between the machines and their pad. This one was the human counterpart of Zah Rems previous station and they knew this one well. She would not be leaving unless the dying process miraculously reversed. Humans always seemed to treat this like a logical possibility.

Zah Rem had lived such a long time, even for a Ra-Sek. They had seen the rise of space travel for their people, the first contacts with other races, some friendly, some hostile. They had seen stars flicker out of existence. And then, they had seen the arrival of Terrans. What a ludicrous, terrifying thing that had been.

The humans had arrived in strange, nonsensical machines seemingly only barely capable of long distance space travel. Most of them had arrived asleep. The Ra-Sek had initially been very wary of this smaller race. Humans could regulate their own body temperatures. Humans lived short lives but took life-threatening risks, seemingly for pleasure. Humans reproduced quickly and freely, having offspring even in space, so far from their own world. Humans would fight, losing limbs they could not regenerate, and then fight more.

In short, they were too dangerous not to make allies of. And so the Ra-Sek had, and in their many years, Zah Rem considered this one of the wisest choices of their people. The humans had helped them explore planets previously thought uninhabitable. They had seen human shipmates run headfirst into aggressive unknown flora and fauna and categorize it, collect it, and make it known. In one instance, they had seen the entire brunt of humanity brought to bear on a now extinct warmongering race, simply because this race had been dubbed “bullies that don’t play fair”.

The human shifted in her chair. “Hey dragon, still alive?”

Zah Rem exhaled a plume of steam. They knew this word referred to them, and that it was a reference to a Terran creature that may have never even existed. They had seen a picture once, and they did see the similarities to a Ra-Sek. That didn’t mean they had to answer.

The human sighed and flicked her eyes up and across, a human gesture of annoyance. “I know you’re alive, your monitors are going. I wanted to ask if you need anything.”

“Need? I am dying, there is nothing more I need.”

The human curled her upper lip, almost perfectly mimicking the Ra-Sek gesture of annoyance. Human mimicry really was uncanny. “I know that, but, is there anything you want? Water? Food? A book? Are you just…gonna sit there until it happens? Aren’t you…y’know, uneasy?”

Now that was a strange word to use for this state, and Zah Rem wondered if their translator had translated the Terran Common incorrectly. “Uneasy? Why would I be…Uneasy?”

The general shifted in her chair again, suddenly transfixed by her pad. “Well, I mean, are you…afraid?”

Zah Rem tilted their head, trying to mimic a gesture they had seen humans use. “Why would I be afraid? I am dying, this is a normal process for all living things.”

The human seemed frustrated, and Zah Rem once again saw the wisdom of their own tradition of leaving the dying to cool in peace.

“I know that! I just mean…aren’t you afraid of what happens next? Like, to you…after you die?” her shoulders curled inwards.

After…death? Zah Rem snorted. “Nothing happens after death. Death is the end of life…is it…is it not so for Terrans?” A pang of fear twitched in Zah Rem’s core. Humans…died completely, true? They thought of all their deceased human shipmates the other humans had burned, or buried under soil, and suddenly they were…uneasy.

The general waved at the air “Don’t call us that. And yeah, yeah, human’s die all the way too-“Relief. “But, some humans…we have this…idea, that a part of us, the sentient part, lives after we die. And, I don’t know where it goes, but death comes to collect it, and guide it to where it’s supposed to go next.”

“Death…comes? As in, the concept of death is…sentient? and… travels to the location of the dying to take their consciousness? Where? Why?” Zah Rem’s internal fire quivered, and the monitors began to chirp and hum in complaint.

“Woah woah take it easy!” Their human counterpart stood, touching their forelimb gently. This gesture would have been aggressive among Ra-Sek, but they had long since learned that humans touched other beings freely. Her hand was warm, and the heat soothed Zah Rem’s own heat. The monitors quieted.

“Y’know what? Forget I said anything, it’s just a dumb Terran myth. You wanna see this picture of a cat I found?”

And, for once, Zah Rem really, really did.

The next few days passed quietly. Healers checked the monitors as discreetly as possible and the general was a constant presence, sneaking back in every time the Ra-Sek healers shooed her out. For the most part, she worked on her pad, guiding the directors of her officers. Zah Rem was mildly envious of this, but they felt the cooling settling in, and they were content to reflect on past action instead.

Well, mostly content. Try as they may, Zah Rem could not shake the idea of death as a sentient presence, and tendrils of fear began to snake into the waiting, fear that, like in so many impossible ways, the humans might be right about death. They did not want their consciousness to be taken. They took to scanning the room when their human wasn’t looking.

This fear was probably what exacerbated the process. It happened suddenly, their internal temperature falling, falling, and the general was shouting, calling for help and Zah Rem knew they were beyond help, nothing could help, but they were so afraid of Death being attracted by the cries, if only they could-

And suddenly they were alone in a space that was not bright, and was not dark. They…no longer felt cold, but not warm either. It made Zah Rem…uneasy. And then they heard footsteps, and in the distance there was a small flicker of light.

The light drew closer and closer, and with it Zah Rem began to make out a figure in strange clothing. The figure wore long, black clothing that flowed downward, with a hood that obscured the head. It was carrying a long stick with what looked like a small ball of fire on top. They also saw the glint of long, sharp looking metal, reminiscent of a Terran knife.

Zah Rem bared their teeth. A weapon. This must be Death. If it was, it wouldn’t steal their sentience without a fight.

The figure closed in.

“Stop. Come no further.” Zha Rem growled. “I am Zah Rem of the Ra-Sek. I have seen races rise and fall. I have seen stars flicker out of existence. I have fought alongside humans. I will not let you take my consciousness.”

There was a moment of silence. And then a strange sound came from the hooded figure. A soft, musical sound, not unlike a Ra-Sek trill, very much like…a human laugh. The figure lowered it’s hood.

Of course, Death would be a human.

Zha Rem felt the anger leave them all at once. The human smiled, mouth closed, and reached its dark hand out to touch Zha Rem’s forelimb. Their touch was warm, and Zha Rem felt the warmth coil around  their core, lighting it once again.

“Are you ready to come with me?”

And Zah Rem found they were.