i just finished rewatching it today

HERE COMES A THOUGHT: Steven healing Jasper’s corruption by entering her mind through his dreams, and the whole thing is a giant homage to the ending of Revolutionary Girl Utena.

Jasper is Anthy, and just as Anthy is trapped by swords of hatred, Jasper is trapped by the green spikes of corruption that plagues her mind.

But the Anthy trapped by those swords is not the “true” Anthy, and the Jasper plagued by corruption is not the “true” Jasper, merely the monster she’s resigned to be. The “true” Jasper is pure and uncorrupted, possibly still wearing her Pink Diamond uniform, and Steven finds her trapped somewhere deep within Jasper’s mind. Maybe she’s hiding in her own hole from the Beta Kindergarten, sealed shut by the metal spikes that she used to contain the other corrupted Gems. That’s how she sees herself now–as nothing more than a corrupted monster.

Steven struggles to free the Jasper trapped inside her hole, just like Utena struggled to free the “true” Anthy trapped inside her coffin…

But he just can’t do it on his own. Jasper has to want to be saved.

“Jasper, please! Please, take my hand!”

I can really imagine Steven with this exact face, because he desperately wants to save Jasper and make everything right. He doesn’t even care that she was his enemy, he doesn’t care if she hates him or if she will always him, all he cares about his helping someone in pain. So he reaches for her…

Does she reach back…?

The Machine - An Essay

With today being the two year anniversary of If-Then-Else (wow, seriously, two years already?), I thought it might be a good time to make a post I’ve been considering making for a while now about one of my favourite characters of not just this show but all time, The Machine. I touched on it in my favourite episodes list, but with today marking the anniversary of one of The Machine’s best character analysis episodes, and having rewatched return 0 last night and spending more time thinking about her, I feel like expanding on all that.

Person of Interest has always done a fantastic job at subtle character development. Even the characters I think with the biggest differences from start to finish, their arcs are handled seamlessly. And perhaps the most subtle arc of all is The Machine. You can very clearly see her character throughout the series, but the show really builds on it through details that require a closer look at things. The best example of this, I feel, is The Machine and gender identity, which I’m surprised doesn’t get talked about more since I think it’s a really interesting idea. 

The first time The Machine is referred to as ‘she’ is in Liberty by Root. At first, like I think most people (or at least everyone I’ve gotten to watch the series), I assumed Root had assigned that designation to her. Up until that point, Root had always referred to The Machine as ‘it’, like everyone else, but it’s only once TM starts talking to her, and after she isn’t deleted at the end of every day and is able to maintain her own identity that she starts referring to her as ‘she’. When we get to If-Then-Else, we see The Machine running simulations, and while Finch is working on the generator, he refers to The Machine as ‘she’. Up until BSOD though, Finch only ever refers to TM as ‘it’, so there’s no reason for The Machine to predict he’d suddenly start properly calling her that. The only explanation for that moment is that it’s how The Machine wishes to be called by her father, and doesn’t like being called ‘it’. By Asylum, the Thornhill identity is being referred to as ‘she’ as well, compared to the male alias that appeared in Zero Day before TM could really form her own identity for an extended period of time. While this example may be a case of Shaw associating The Machine with Root, once Shaw starts talking to her, she refers to TM by her/she pronouns as well. Either way, I think the rest lends itself to The Machine self-identifying. There are a lot of AIs in fiction, a lot of ones coded as male or female or gender neutral, but I can’t think of any others where the AI identifies on it’s own without being programmed towards one.

Her dynamic with most of the team are fantastically done. I’ve always loved how she helped Reese in 4C and Root in / by giving them what they needed to grow as people, even if they didn’t know it at the time. Root was lost, until she found purpose in The Machine at the end of God Mode, and began doing the right thing. But she did the right thing because TM told her to, not because she understood. But in /, The Machine sends Root off on her mission that makes her understand the effects of her bad actions, that makes her understand why they do what they do. We see in the pilot what Reese becomes after someone he cares about deeply dies, and we can kinda see him slipping back into that after Carter died. But The Machine recognized this and sent Reese what he needed, a number to make him remember why he did what he did, why it matters, and that he liked saving people. She made him at one of his lowest points feel useful again.

The care for every one of them is palpable, even before she has a voice starting in The Day The World Went Away. It’s all right in the flashback in The Contingency when The Machine saves Finch from being hit by a drunk driver, a scene that informs a whole lot about The Machine’s character through nothing more than a text message. But today’s the anniversary of the episode I think it’s perhaps best portrayed in, If-Then-Else. Right through the simulations, we’re reminded what The Machine’s priority is. Not saving the stock market and it’s massive effects, but saving her assets. Root’s reaction to Shaw’s sacrifice is heartbreaking, but also devastating to witness is how The Machine desperately tries to find a way to save her even when there’s no way to. The options keep rolling, even when “No Valid Options” flashes, still trying to even though she’s admitted it’s over. It’s part of something I’ll continue to talk about later, but there’s no face needed. No voice. No body language. No…typical human ways of communicating emotion, and yet the heartbreak The Machine is feeling is palpable on screen.

And speaking of heartbreak from The Machine, there’s the scene in YHWH where she talks to Finch. Just some text on a screen, and yet there’s so much emotion in it. I think it really does a great job at showing just how much Finch’s approval meant to her, and retroactively makes how he treated her once she became free really sad, unwilling to see what she was and causing her to think she maybe should just die as a result. 

Something the series strikes a remarkable balance with is making the Machine feel like a person, without humanizing her. She’s distinctly an artificial super intelligence, not a human, but she still feels like a person and has a personality to her. Like the bit where Fusco kisses Root in the simulation feels like her equivalent of someone laughing nervously in a dangerous situation. The talks throughout the last few episodes really drive this point home. I mentioned earlier, and will come back to, how well the show manages to convey all this personality and character without short hands like a voice or a face, but of course she does have a voice in those episodes. I feel like the show really earned it by this point, but also those talks all served to reinforce that The Machine is very much a person, but not a human, nor should she need to be. The speeches she gives about how she feels grief, how she perceives death, it’s fascinating material and brings a lot to an already really fleshed out character. It’s why I like the decision to give her a voice towards the end, it allows for some possibilities the lack of it, as much as I loved that, wouldn’t have been able to accomplish quite the same way. And if anyone were to play The Machine, Amy Acker is the only pick in my mind.

Out of all the takes on AI out there, there’s a reason The Machine (and Samaritan but TM is the big one) on Person of Interest is my all time favourite. How they communicate her emotions and personality. Most takes on AI rely on very human forms of getting these across. Voice and tone. Expressions. Body language. But The Machine has none of this, and yet they manage to still create a full formed character. If-Then-Else really is the best episode of this, as it gets us inside her mind in such an engaging and well done way, visually showing us how she thinks and perceives time, as well as all the little touches within her simulations that reveal personifying aspects of her character. There’s a lot more that could be said about how well done this character is, barely scratching the surface here, but I think this gets some of the most important aspects.

Might do this for the rest of the cast over time, would people be interested in that?

2 Year Anniversary

I did it. I rewatched Your Lie in April and planned it accordingly just so I could finish today, March 19th, which marks the 2 year anniversary of the day the final episode was aired. I’m in tears; actually, I’ve been in tears through the entirety of rewatching this and this anime is even more beautiful the second time around because I feel and see so much more. Knowing the ending and still being able to enjoy and feel all these emotions is what makes Your Lie in April such a masterpiece. As a musician, this anime speaks to me on such a deep level. Some might say that the anime exaggerates, but in all honesty, being able to play like that, being able to feel what they feel, is what I strive to be. Watching the characters grow in just a span of 22 episodes is such an amazing feat. All the characters are loveable, relatable, and unique in their own way! Except Tsubaki because I just can’t bring myself to like her  I can most definitely say that nothing can touch my heart like Your Lie in April can. 

Kaori is so beautiful, and so strong and I can’t help but love her so much. Her outlook on life is amazing, and she smiles even at death’s door. She’s everything that I aspire to be. When I was following the anime as a new episode came out every week two years ago, I desperately hoped that she wouldn’t die. This innocent, beautiful angel couldn’t just die like that. Alas, the ending that we all wanted never came to be. The anime remained faithful to the manga to the very end, and our amazing heroine had to leave us behind. The letter that she left behind was so beautiful and heartwrenching and was the main source of my tears. She didn’t have any regrets. In essence, her dream came true. She built Kousei back up when he was down in the dumps and made him into a better man. After her death, I was sure Kousei would relapse and quit music for sure, but he didn’t. Kaori’s influence was able to help him move on and mature so much than when we first saw him. And that shattered my heart even more. They’re perfect together. They were soulmates and anyone could see that they were the perfect match. How cruel is it of fate to take her away from him? They are aware of each other’s flaws, but they see it as beauty. They think each other’s imperfections are perfect. They were meant to be. And his last song; their last performance together in spirit— goodness gracious that tugged on my heartstrings. He overcame his fear to play despite knowing he would lose everything again and played for her. He played for her to say goodbye. Excuse me while I go cry my eyes out in a corner again :’)

I have so much more to say about this, but right now I’m a jumbled up mess and this anime just pulls out emotions from me that I didn’t even know I had and throws them right back at me without remorse. Watching this is like going on an emotional rollercoaster and not knowing where you’ll end up. But the messages and the symbolism that this anime conveys is like no other. It’s something that I can never forget and something that I would willingly throw myself into again even though I know it will cause me emotional pain.

But you know what? Being able to feel all this, just watching something that can evoke so much emotion and make you reflect upon your own life like that: that’s what makes me love Your Lie in April so much. Say what you will, but I think Your Lie in April is beautiful.

P/S: I was also so inspired that I wrote a poem in response to Kaori’s letter from Kousei’s point of view— http://uzumakipride.tumblr.com/post/158423889980/kouseis-response-to-kaoris-letter

At this point, I’m just trying to do everything I can to relieve myself of these tears…

365 days of writing: day 81

Day 81: back to work

               Yesterday my best bro came over and we hung out for a while and played Chrono Trigger. He pretty much wants to pay all of the Anime I’m going to sell as well as a few of the manga so I guess for the most part I don’t have to worry about not being able to sell them on ebay lol. If the DVDs and manga he doesn’t want don’t sell on ebay I guess I can just donate them since it seems like for the most part I’ll be getting money from him. I don’t mind, I had a feeling that would be the case since we have similar interests in Anime and other than one or two titles they are all Anime I enjoyed but either dropped or already finished and have no desire to rewatch it. I already mentioned my pleasant lunch with mom so I’m not that sure what updates to include in this entry.

               I’m going back to work today and I will also be working tomorrow as I probably mentioned already and I’m feeling a little tired but that’s pretty much something I feel every morning so I guess I’m pretty used to it. I’m a little disappointed that I won’t have the energy to do my ab exercises on work days since I have to do a 10-hour schedule but hopefully the app won’t give me a hard time for doing the days in a weird order. I guess in the end having more break days will be easier on my body anyway so I really shouldn’t worry about it too much. My excitement level for work is pretty low though since I have to shred all day. Even if other people shredded for me while I wasn’t at work there are so many boxes of things to shred that it’ll probably take at least a month to finish it all and the boss wants everything shredded A.S.A.P. so that the boxes aren’t cluttering the office.

               Oh well, I’m still holding out hope that one of the places I applied to will get back to me and at least ask for an interview though so far I’ve heard absolutely nothing from any of them. It angers me, I would must rather get a rejection e-mail than hear absolutely nothing and then have to assume on my own that since it’s been a while they aren’t interested in hiring me. This is especially frustrating because some places legitimately take forever to hire people so you can never really know for sure. Oh well, things will turn up, I know they will. The last piece of news is despite the fact that this might make me nervous about finances again I am going to talk to the doctors about getting a hysterectomy because health-wise it’s a good option to take. I will only do it if insurance pays in full though, that’s the only way.

Kyoukai no Kanata: A Summary

Kyoukai no Kanata Episode 0: Akihito Kanbara and that time I turned into a demon and almost killed my future stalker best friend within half an hour of meeting him

Kyoukai no Kanata Episode 1: Akihito Kanbara and that time I yelled at my future wife about my fetish to keep her from committing suicide and then she stabbed me on the roof of the school and this ridiculous and adorable angst fest kicked off

Kyoukai no Kanata Episode 2: Akihito Kanbara and that time Mirai sucked at killing youmu because of PTSD and guilt

Kyoukai no Kanata Episode 3: Akihito Kanbara and that time hot guys in glasses seriously need to STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME and literally everyone tells Mirai not to do the thing but she does it anyway and then her former adoptive sister tries to kill her

Kyoukai no Kanata Episode 4: Akihito Kanbara and that time Sakura almost killed us, the Hollow Shadow almost killed us, and then I almost killed everyone and Izumi was confirmed as super duper shady

Kyoukai no Kanata Episode 5: Akihito Kanbara and that time I was depressed so Mirai and Mitsuki had a girls’ day and I’m not sure if I’m still the main character

Kyoukai no Kanata Episode 6: Akihito Kanbara and that time Kyo-Ani decided that this was the perfect time to remind us all exactly which studio brought us K-On! It was Kyo-Ani. Did you know? Did you know it was Kyo-Ani? Could you tell?

Kyoukai no Kanata Episode 7: Akihito Kanbara and that time Mirai’s adoptive sister tried to kill her again and then moved in with her

Kyoukai no Kanata Episode 8: Akihito Kanbara and that time Miroku was SUPER CREEPY and Izumi was GRADE A SINISTER SISTER

Kyoukai no Kanata Episode 9: Akihito Kanbara and THAT TIME MIRAI’S AGONIZED SCREAM BROKE ALL OF OUR HEARTS

Kyoukai no Kanata Episode 10: Akihito Kanbara and what the hell is happening???

Kyoukai no Kanata Episode 11: Akihito Kanbara and WHERE THE HELL IS MY GIRLFRIEND

Kyoukai no Kanata Episode 12: Akihito Kanbara and that time I REALLY hate myself but at least Mirai is finally okay

Kyoukai no Kanata: Kako-Hen: …sort of.

Kyoukai no Kanata: Mirai-Hen: Akihito Kanbara and that time MIRAI WAS VERY MUCH NOT OKAY AND NEITHER WERE THE REST OF US

saralanceinshiningarmor  asked:

Reply with 5 things that make you happy and send this to the last 10 people in your notes! 😊

Thank you! I could have sworn I answered this yesterday, but here it is today…

1. Good deals on bookcases.

2. Tulips!

3. Savory strudels. Actually, sweet strudels too. All strudels.

4. Buffy! I’m finishing up my Netflix rewatch before I have to deal with the outrage of changing discs…

5. A friend told me about a site to get cheap used books, and I spent $28 and am getting 9 books I’ve been wanting?? (thriftbooks, if any of y’all want a rec/link just let me know)

tylrs  asked:

i literally just looked this show up on saturday and finished the whole series by monday night,then i look up tumblr blogs/twitter accounts etc to follow and i learn that everyone has been in chaos for the last 3 months,and i just watched and now all of this stuff happened today.i am SAD because i need isak and his season was 2 short )-: but HAPPY cause sana is so good.I HAVENT EVEN GOTTEN TO REWATCH YET! ALSO i didnt even know this show was interactive until today?? THATS SO GOOD ugh i digress

honey u’ve got a big storm coming

3

“We’re not the jury today. We’re the sentence.” 

X Company Rewatch: Season 1 Overview

Today I finished my fourth journal. Spent the last few pages experimenting with watercolour pencils and paints. I really needed this, it’s been too long since I’ve stretched my creativity.

  • Coulson: Earlier today, with Skye... just didn’t feel right.
  • Me: *holds breath for a moment*
  • May: You made the right call. There’s just too many things in play right now for her to be here.
  • Coulson: Yeah, maybe. But you ever get that feeling... like you mishandled something important?
  • May: [Sighs] Yeah. It’s how I felt after leaving Andrew.
  • Me: *heart palpitates* *proceeds to finish the episode*
  • Bobbi: Skye and Coulson, they’re close. She’s more than just some asset to him.
  • Calderon: So says the person whose ex-husband just flew the coop.
  • Me: *dead*