i just don't even know what to do with myself right now

  • Pete: Hi
  • Brendon: it was the summer of 2001, and Joe meets Patrick and he's like "yo, I know about music." then Patrick's like "yo I know more about music!" "that's impossible. so you wanna start a band?" and Patrick's like, "yeah that's cool." and then, he's like "yo this is a book store not a music store." and then they met at Patrick's house. so Patrick's wearing shorts, socks, and a hat. Patrick is playing drums for some fuckin' reason and then Pete's there for some reason. and they start playing music together and they're like "oh, let's play some covers from some other bands." it was like Green Day, and fuckin' Misfits, and fuckin' Ramones. Pete said to Joe, "yo, that's dope, but we need a fuckin' drummer." because Patrick's playing drums and he's a singer. Patrick's like "yo, I got a soul voice," and they're like "wait how do you have a soul voice?" and he's like "yo, watch this: YEEEEEEeeeeeeEEEEEEeeeeeeeeEEEeeeeeeAAAAAAAAaaaaAAaahhh!" and they're like, "oh my god, that sounds like soul!" so they put it in a song, and it was like, "WHERE IS YOUR BOY TONIIIIIIIiiiiiIIIIIIIIIiiiIIIIIIIGHT?!" and they're like "yo that's fuckin perfect, this is Fall Out Boy." and they made records like Evening Out With Your Ex-Girlfriend. Evening Out With Your Ex-Girlfriend, everybody loves it. "it's called Evening Out With Your Girlfriend." with your ex-girlfriend. it's called evening out with your Ex-girlfriend. it's called eating out your girlfriend, and it's real and it doesn't matter. and Pete talked to Patrick and Joe and he's like "you what the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. yo, this is gonna be fuckin' doooooooooope!" so they made a record and it was called Take this to Your Grave. they made it without a drummer, and they had like 3—4 drummers come in. The four drummers they had come in were like Josh Freese, Neil Pert, the dude from Toto, the fourth one was like the guy from Papa Roach or something, and they're like "you, we need Andy Hurley. Andy Hurley. Take This to Your Grave. Fuckin' record it." and he did, and he killed it, and he was like "bigidalililililillillilila, PSHHH!" killin' the skin, tapping the skins, tapping the rim, playin' the shit, killing these bitches, rapping it out. you're getting a fucking tattoo right now?! what the fuck is going on?! We should get signed to Fueled By Ramen, 'cause thee guys know what the fuck is going on. and they were like "yo, if you can make our scene any bigger than it is, which is not fuckin' hard, we will sign you guys." and Pete was like "yo, we got this record that's fuckin' dooooooope, dude, it's called Take This to Your Grave, it's called From Under the Cork Tree it's gonna be fucking huge." and then Patrick's like "I gotta keep it real, I gotta keep it artistic, these are three songs that are gonna make the album and it's called-BURP-Thnks Fr th Mmrs, 20 Dollar Nose Bleed, and Sugar, Were Goin' Down. and they made this record that was fuckin' dope, and it fucking hit on the charts like one two three, three two one, three four five six seven eight nine ten. ten to one. From Under the Cork Tree sold like four million records. ten million records. fifteen million records. and Brendon Urie had nothing to do with the entire record. and Patrick was like "that's gooooOOOOoooooOOOOOOOOd." Pete was like, "yo, fuck you I can do whatever I want." and Joe was like, "yeah it's cool man whatever I don't give a shit." and then Andy was like "eh, cool." and Pete was like "Make up is fuckin' great for a guy. because it makes a guy look beautiful, which a lot of times, a guy is not beautiful. and I wanna change that. I wanna make sure everyone thinks that guys are beautiful." I'm good so far yeah. yeah I do. SHUT THE FUCK. oh fuck, alright alright. Pete was like "oh my god, I'm so embarrassed about this dick pic." and then I saw the dick pic and was like "ah it's not bad." it's not a bad dick. let's be real. we made Rollins Stones one issue before Fall Out Boy. and Fall Out Boy made the issue right after us and they were so pissed they were like "yo, fuck you guys!" they're like "yo! Panic! has the fuckin' cover for Rolling Stones, yo, fuck these dudes, we're gonna fucking go miles above. we're gonna hit every fuckin' continent there is known to man." but they didn't because they missed a second of time. apparently they were like "oh shit, we got every continent." and they didn't actually hit it. dude, and Pete was like, "WHAT THE FUCK?! 'oh you didn't fuckin' make the continent' it's like FUCK YOU!" so From Under the Cork Tree happens, we fuckin' have three-four years of awesomeness. like, people are coming in themselves 'cause it's so big. Alright so Fall Out Boy was like-- so Patrick's like "yo, we are going to name these records from under the Cork tree and from Innity-- from infinity on high." Pete was like "yo folie à deux means the theatric of two." "The madness of two." oh sorry I'm sorry. follow boy was like "yo we got to take a break." Meaning Pete was like "yo we got to take a break bro." and Patrick's like "I need time for my music. UHUhUhUHuhUUUh." and joes like "yo I need time to find the fucking art dude I got to find some fucking me-- metal" and andys like "i'm just gonna play with some fucking metal bands." and they're like "all right this breaks been like three years long two years long three years long 3 1/2? we gotta fucking come back man we gotta come back strong." you took my beer away what the fuck? "no you poured it all over yourself." "yeah you poured it on yourself man here." "we got to make this shit legit it's gonna be fucking dope it's going to go fucking sky high. we're going to make a fucking record that sails the skies. we're going to call this record save rock 'n' roll." so they made alone together light 'em up alone together Phoenix. and everybody's like "what the fuck? you're working with this guy who fuckin' recorded Avril Lavigne and P!nk." is this pu-- what the fuck is this on my shirt, did I puke on myself? oh god. Pete was like "yo were gonna end up on a tour with Panic! At The Disco and twenty pilots. and that's all and that's all that matters. and that's just how the fuckin' story goes."
  • what she says: I'm okay
  • what she means: Can I say my shit? Can I say my shit? I've got lots of shit to say. I've got lots of shit to say. I can't fit my hand inside a Pringle can, I have a huge amount of trouble fitting my hand inside of a Pringle can. I can get my hand like four inches into the can but then I have to tilt the can into my mouth but then a bunch of crumbs have accumulated at the bottom of the can so they all go spilling onto my face. What I'm trying to say is the diameter of Pringle cans is way too small. I'll say it again. The diameter of Pringle cans is way too small. Two radiuses of a Pringle can is way too small. If you feel me, put your hands up, Come on! If you feel me, put your hands up! Look at all these hands that are way too big to fit inside of a Pringle can! Your hands are too big to fit inside a Pringle can, your hands are too big to fit inside a Pringle can. You think you can, I know you can't, you think you can. Pringles! Listen to the people, I am sure ninety percent of the complaint letters you get are about the width of your cans?! Just... make them wider?! I've overdone the Pringles thing, sorry. I want to have a daughter. I want to have a daughter so I can finally have someone around the house who can fit their hands in the Pringle can. Yes, I'm still on the Pringle cans thing! Yeah! I'll move on, alright? But that is priority número uno. I don't go to the gym because I'm self-conscious about my body but I'm self-conscious about my body cause I don't go to the gym. Irony can be so painful. That's a Catch-22. Let's do this! I went to Chipotle, I went to Chipotle, got myself a chicken burrito. I went down the line and I got all these ingredients and at the end of the line the guy tried to wrap the burrito but half of the shit inside the burrito spilled out. He still wrapped it. I was like, dude you should have warned me! You're a burrito expert, you should have told me halfway through: "Hey, man. You might be reaching maximum burrito capacity here" Do you fucking think I want a messy burrito? No one wants a messy burrito! The whole appeal of the burrito is that all of the ingredients are contained within the confines of the tortilla. I wouldn't have gotten half of the shit if I knew it wasn't gonna fit in the burrito! Alright? Look I wouldn't have got the lettuce if I knew it wouldn't fit! I wouldn't have got the cheese if I knew it wouldn't fit! I wouldn't have got the peppers if I knew it wouldn't fit! I wouldn't have got half of it! Like, I'm okay with small mistakes, if you've got no more chicken I'll take pork. But I'll blow my dad before I eat a burrito with a fork. I wouldn't have got the lettuce if I knew it wouldn't fit, I wouldn't have got the cheese if I knew it wouldn't fit, I wouldn't have got the peppers if I knew they wouldn't fit. Man, I wouldn't have got half of it, like half of it, like, half of it, like, half of it, like half of it right now,I think it's time I think it's time, I think that we break this down. I can sit here and pretend like my biggest problems are pringle cans, and burritos. The truth is, my biggest problem's you. I want to please you but I want to stay true to myself. I want to give you the night out that you deserve but I want to say what I think and not care what you think about it. Part of me loves you, part of me hates you, part of me needs you, part of me fears you. And I don't think that I can handle this right now, handle this right now. I don't think that I can handle this right now. I don't think that I can handle this right now, I don't think that I can handle this right now, I don't think that I can handle this right now. Look at them, they're just staring at me like, "come and watch the skinny kid with a steadily declining mental health and laugh as he attempts to give you what he cannot give himself." I don't think that I can handle this right now, I don't think that I can handle this right now. They don't even know the half of this right now, they don't even know the half of it. But I know I'm not a doctor, I'm a pussy, I put on a silly show so I should probably just shut up and do my job so here I go. I wouldn't have got the lettuce if I knew it wouldn't fit, I wouldn't have got the cheese if I knew it wouldn't fit, I wouldn't have got the peppers if I knew they wouldn't fit, I wouldn't have got half. You can tell them anything if you just make it funny, make it rhyme and if they still don't understand you then you run it one more time. I don't think that I can handle this right now (Haa!) I don't think that I can handle this right now (Hoo!) If you think that I can handle this right now (Haa!) Right now (Haa!) Now, handle this right, handle this right, handle this right now.Thank you, good night! I hope you're happy.

t06k  asked:

The problem isn't that you've offended people, it's that you refuse to stop. People have asked you to stop, and instead of stopping you say "It's just a joke, chill." Because you're famous now, you can't talk like you do at home or in public cause no one here knows you. So, even if you don't mean it, apologize and watch your words. People take things from famous people way too seriously for no reason, but it's a problem they need to deal with.

1- I aint famous fam. I’m just some kid with a cringe series going on on youtube.

2- I aint watching my words because I believe my dialect is fine. I only know a couple words you can use to call a person names and that sounded like my best choice

3- there are people like pewds, markiplier, jack that swear on a daily basis on their videos. And they swear like a sailor, which I find hilarious as freak. And no one is cruficying them for doing it so. And they ARE, indeed, famous.

4- with “u wont stop!!” What do you mean? I only used the word O N C E on tumblr and then refered to it as R word as I was answering people. If defending myself or try to sort out the issue is “not stoping” then… dude… you’re not understanding.

5- I got nothing to apologise for? I ised the word once under a justified circumstance that I don’t regret, for is being used in the right context under no harm. Also if you mean by the other answers people that follow me know I love sarcasm and answer some questions with bit of salt for the humor.

Yeh….


Time to reblog that clip again…

Mi Amor

 Daveed Diggs x Latina!Reader

Requested by anon: Hi. It’s the anon who asked about the Latina reader here. I was wondering if you’d do like where Daveed and the reader are really good friends but Lin knows she has a crush on him and he’s teasing her about it but daveed overhears them mention him and doesn’t understand them cause they’re talking in Spanish. He asked her about it or something and then fluff or smut! I don’t know…. Your other fics are amazing so I know this one will be to die for no matter what! Gracias!! ❤❤

Words: 3,675

Warnings: Swearing and SMUTTT. A LOT OF IT idk what else you want from me ahahaha

A/N: This was SO FUN to write but Idk I’m sorry if this was so bad lol I THINK I’VE OFFICIALLY MADE THE SINNERS CLUB LOLOL OKOKOK

Keep reading

Me as a parent
  • kid: mom tell me a story
  • me: it was the summer of 2001, and Joe meets Patrick and he's like "yo, I know about music." then Patrick's like "yo I know more about music!" "that's impossible. so you wanna start a band?" and Patrick's like, "yeah that's cool." and then, he's like "yo this is a book store not a music store." and then they met at Patrick's house. so Patrick's wearing shorts, socks, and a hat. Patrick is playing drums for some fuckin' reason and then Pete's there for some reason. and they start playing music together and they're like "oh, let's play some covers from some other bands." it was like Green Day, and fuckin' Misfits, and fuckin' Ramones. Pete said to Joe, "yo, that's dope, but we need a fuckin' drummer." because Patrick's playing drums and he's a singer. Patrick's like "yo, I got a soul voice," and they're like "wait how do you have a soul voice?" and he's like "yo, watch this: YEEEEEEeeeeeeEEEEEEeeeeeeeeEEEeeeeeeAAAAAAAAaaaaAAaahhh!" and they're like, "oh my god, that sounds like soul!" so they put it in a song, and it was like, "WHERE IS YOUR BOY TONIIIIIIIiiiiiIIIIIIIIIiiiIIIIIIIGHT?!" and they're like "yo that's fuckin perfect, this is Fall Out Boy." and they made records like Evening Out With Your Ex-Girlfriend. Evening Out With Your Ex-Girlfriend, everybody loves it. "it's called Evening Out With Your Girlfriend." with your ex-girlfriend. it's called evening out with your Ex-girlfriend. it's called eating out your girlfriend, and it's real and it doesn't matter. and Pete talked to Patrick and Joe and he's like "you what the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. yo, this is gonna be fuckin' doooooooooope!" so they made a record and it was called Take this to Your Grave. they made it without a drummer, and they had like 3—4 drummers come in. The four drummers they had come in were like Josh Freese, Neil Pert, the dude from Toto, the fourth one was like the guy from Papa Roach or something, and they're like "you, we need Andy Hurley. Andy Hurley. Take This to Your Grave. Fuckin' record it." and he did, and he killed it, and he was like "bigidalililililillillilila, PSHHH!" killin' the skin, tapping the skins, tapping the rim, playin' the shit, killing these bitches, rapping it out. you're getting a fucking tattoo right now?! what the fuck is going on?! We should get signed to Fueled By Ramen, 'cause thee guys know what the fuck is going on. and they were like "yo, if you can make our scene any bigger than it is, which is not fuckin' hard, we will sign you guys." and Pete was like "yo, we got this record that's fuckin' dooooooope, dude, it's called Take This to Your Grave, it's called From Under the Cork Tree it's gonna be fucking huge." and then Patrick's like "I gotta keep it real, I gotta keep it artistic, these are three songs that are gonna make the album and it's called-BURP-Thnks Fr th Mmrs, 20 Dollar Nose Bleed, and Sugar, Were Goin' Down. and they made this record that was fuckin' dope, and it fucking hit on the charts like one two three, three two one, three four five six seven eight nine ten. ten to one. From Under the Cork Tree sold like four million records. ten million records. fifteen million records. and Brendon Urie had nothing to do with the entire record. and Patrick was like "that's gooooOOOOoooooOOOOOOOOd." Pete was like, "yo, fuck you I can do whatever I want." and Joe was like, "yeah it's cool man whatever I don't give a shit." and then Andy was like "eh, cool." and Pete was like "Make up is fuckin' great for a guy. because it makes a guy look beautiful, which a lot of times, a guy is not beautiful. and I wanna change that. I wanna make sure everyone thinks that guys are beautiful." I'm good so far yeah. yeah I do. SHUT THE FUCK. oh fuck, alright alright. Pete was like "oh my god, I'm so embarrassed about this dick pic." and then I saw the dick pic and was like "ah it's not bad." it's not a bad dick. let's be real. we made Rollins Stones one issue before Fall Out Boy. and Fall Out Boy made the issue right after us and they were so pissed they were like "yo, fuck you guys!" they're like "yo! Panic! has the fuckin' cover for Rolling Stones, yo, fuck these dudes, we're gonna fucking go miles above. we're gonna hit every fuckin' continent there is known to man." but they didn't because they missed a second of time. apparently they were like "oh shit, we got every continent." and they didn't actually hit it. dude, and Pete was like, "WHAT THE FUCK?! 'oh you didn't fuckin' make the continent' it's like FUCK YOU!" so From Under the Cork Tree happens, we fuckin' have three-four years of awesomeness. like, people are coming in themselves 'cause it's so big. Alright so Fall Out Boy was like-- so Patrick's like "yo, we are going to name these records from under the Cork tree and from Innity-- from infinity on high." Pete was like "yo folie à deux means the theatric of two." "The madness of two." oh sorry I'm sorry. follow boy was like "yo we got to take a break." Meaning Pete was like "yo we got to take a break bro." and Patrick's like "I need time for my music. UHUhUhUHuhUUUh." and joes like "yo I need time to find the fucking art dude I got to find some fucking me-- metal" and andys like "i'm just gonna play with some fucking metal bands." and they're like "all right this breaks been like three years long two years long three years long 3 1/2? we gotta fucking come back man we gotta come back strong." you took my beer away what the fuck? "no you poured it all over yourself." "yeah you poured it on yourself man here." "we got to make this shit legit it's gonna be fucking dope it's going to go fucking sky high. we're going to make a fucking record that sails the skies. we're going to call this record save rock 'n' roll." so they made alone together light 'em up alone together Phoenix. and everybody's like "what the fuck? you're working with this guy who fuckin' recorded Avril Lavigne and P!nk." is this pu-- what the fuck is this on my shirt, did I puke on myself? oh god. Pete was like "yo were gonna end up on a tour with Panic! At The Disco and twenty pilots. and that's all and that's all that matters. and that's just how the fuckin' story goes."
Don't make my girlfriend cry.

(warning: long story)

Okay, so this was a good few years ago, back when I was in high school.

In case my username didn’t give it away, I am happily and openly gay af, and I came out at about 14, around year 9 in highschool (I’m British). And from that second on, I was even more of a target.

I was already the preferred bullying target. The school was aware of it, they were also aware that my family didn’t take kindly to this (in my previous school, my Mum had brought the police into school on the day where the younger kids were coming to see if they wanted to go there, because they weren’t doing anything about me being bullied) so pulled a big huff and puff smoke screen to try and make it seem like they were fixing the issue, though they never did anything.

I had plenty of small ‘regular’ or 'petty’ revenges throughout my years. Getting people kicked out of classes, forced into counselling, etc etc. But this is the big one.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

I know that you're old enough to be writing about sex, hence you don't have to give a shit about it but I think it's unfair that many fanfic writers feel obligated to write smut to receive attention and recognition only because so many people are biased. Angst and fluff writers don't really get the chance to show their talents and you can compare most of a writers fic notes and 9/10 their smuts will have 30% more notes than their other stories what kind of sucks. What do you think?

I think preach the fuck out of this. I completely, one hundred and ten percent agree with you and I am certain that many of my other fellow fanfic writers agree too – in fact, I know they do as this is a discussion that has come up plenty of times when conversing with them, and they share the precise same opinion as both you and I do. No matter the age of the writer, it is definitely something to give a shit about because it develops an “unhealthy” writing pattern where the writer, despite their level of experience with writing fanfics (though it can certainly be a defining factor for first-time fic writers and whether they “make it or break it” in the fandom’s fic scene), can begin to doubt whether to write or post a story, solely due to the fact that it does not include smut.

Personally, when planning most of my ideas, they generally begin without any smut unless the main focus of the story is sex itself, like An Oath For Sinners is. But I always notice once I am at a certain point of developing upon the idea, I will end up narrowing the direction of the plot down to two questions: “Will it include smut? Is smut a detrimental piece of the plot, and, if not, will that ultimately minimize the audience that will end up reading the story if I cease to include at least one sex scene?” It is a sad truth, most especially since hundreds of successful young adult novels never pass the barrier of kissing, or even have a romantic element in the first place, yet we as fic writers feel the dire necessity to involve at least a blowjob in order to appeal to a wider audience in the fanbase.

This is also not to say that writing smut is a bad thing because hey, like I said, I literally have a series dedicated to a girl who is an escort and it was something that I genuinely wished to write. But there are many, many ideas that I have put on the backburner because they cease to fit smut into the plot, and I have read a ginormous number of fics that have been without smut, yet are absolutely incredible nonetheless. Though you are right – those fics definitely lacked the 30% extra recognition because of it.

Continuing on, most of us write for ourselves. I certainly do, as the vast majority of my fics are based on ideas that I have developed myself; hence why I rarely take requests from the public. But that does not mean we wish to have zero feedback on a piece we have slaved over for days, as hearing the voices of our readers provides us an insight on the elements they enjoyed that we will then proceed to weave throughout our future pieces. We still desire to appeal to an audience, and at least eighty percent of the time in regards to fanfiction, you have to include a smut scene to do just that.

So I will completely admit that it is a punch to the gut to see that my smut-based oneshot Do You Feel It Sugar? has over a thousand responses in comparison to A Ticket To The Sun that, even still, has a very vague smut scene that I put in there to draw an audience to a genre (dystopia) that can be touch and go when it comes to piquing a reader’s intrigue. It might sound ridiculous, but it begins to plant seeds of doubt in my mind where I think: “Is my writing only considered good if I slather it with sex, and then more sex?” This most especially occurs if I receive a message that asks whether the future chapters of a series I am writing will include smut, which I have been questioned about for The Orange Girl, The Devil Skates On Thin Ice, An Eternity of Red, etcetera.

I am not saying that all fic writers may think such a thing, but that kind of thought process especially occurs to me as somebody who is pursuing writing as a career. It happens all the more so when I reflect on my first persona, sugasmut, which was hitting follower milestones on a fortnightly basis because these people adored reading my collection of fics that I will freely admit were baseless, pwp smuts that hardly ever breached 3,000 words. Now, I am putting out stories that generally exceed a count of 10,000 words, have fully planned out plots with much less smut and more extensive character development – but I rarely receive twenty new followers a week. I am not stating that to sound selfish or upset, because I really could not mind how large or small my follower count is, but rather to show a comparison of what most people are desiring to read. And that, very clearly, is plotless smut.

Let me tell you that there is a grand audience of those who could not care less for reading smut and enjoy a fic just as much without it, and I do certainly have plenty of those types of readers amongst my followers that I am ever grateful for. Yet no matter that, the obligation to write a smut scene lays heavy upon my own, and many other writers’ shoulders if they are hoping to branch out and reach a wider audience, which yeah, can really suck!

🎶🎶When You Collect Records🎶🎶
  • Hipster: *moves dusty old boxes out of the way* Whoa, an old record player. It looks like it's in working order too! *runs outside*
  • Hipster: Yo, dad!
  • Dad: What?
  • Hipster: We're getting rid of all of poppop's stuff, right?
  • Dad: There's something you want, isn't there?
  • Hipster: There's this old stereo record player in the attic.
  • Dad: What do you need a record player for?
  • Hipster: My record collection.
  • Dad: I didn't even know they still made those things. Can't you just listen to music on your phone?
  • Hipster: Dad, there's a big difference between listening to music digitally and on record.
  • Dad: Fine, I don't wanna get into it with you right now. You can take the record player. You just have to get someone else to take it to your place for you. My truck's full.
  • Hipster: Thanks dad! *smooches dad on the cheek*
  • *later at hipster's apartment*
  • Friend: So, like Patch Adams ends with Patch Adams half-naked in front of a ton of people. I don't know if it was meant to be funny or like a weird sex thing, but like the movie was just a deeply disturbing character study. I can't stop thinking about it.
  • Hipster: That sounds boring. *unlocks door to apartment* Ta-da! Here it is! My new record player!
  • Friend: New? Looks fucking old to me, dude.
  • Hipster: Well, it is old. That's the appeal. And we're going to listen to the new Sufjan record on it.
  • Friend: Is that actually how you say Sufjan? Apparently, I've been pronouncing it wrong this whole time.
  • Hipster: Well, you won't after this record. There's an entire track where he just says his name for four minutes. It's amazing. *plays records*
  • Record Player: *coughs* Hello. Hello! Where am I? Doctor? Hello! Why is it so dark...............................Can I breathe? I can't breath. Oh god, I'm not breathing! Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god! I.....................................
  • Hipster: Uh, that's not Sufjan.
  • Friend: It totally isn't. Is it some guest vocalist? I like the new direction he's going in. No instruments or singing, and long stretches of silence. Very experimental.
  • Hipster: *stops record player* I think maybe we should do something else for now.
  • Friend: Fucking lame! I wanted to listen to more Sufjan.
  • *days later at the record store*
  • Hipster: Yo, I think the Sufjan Stevens record I bought from here might be some kind of mispress.
  • Store Clerk: Really? It's a pretty major album. I doubt there'd just be a mispress like that.
  • Hipster: Yeah, but listen to it. It's not Sufjan at all. It's some girl talking.
  • *hipster and clerk listen to a completely normal Sufjan Stevens album together*
  • Store Clerk: What are you talking about? This is definitely Sufjan Stevens.
  • Hipster: Okay, but it wasn't like that when I listened to it at home! I even listened to it with my friend and he heard the same thing!
  • Store Clerk: Maybe there's something wrong with your record player.
  • Hipster: Hmm, maybe there is.
  • *back at the apartment*
  • Hipster: *turns on record player and just listens*
  • Record Player: ...I'm awake again. Why did I black out? Did I even black out? God, I'm not breathing, but it doesn't matter. Why don't I need to breathe? Am I even alive?
  • Hipster: Can you hear me?
  • Record Player: Doctor. Doctor! DOCTOR! Why can't I move? Why can't I feel anything. Keep yourself together. It'll all make sense soon. Calm down. Just breathe deeply. Fuck, I can't breathe! AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I CAN'T BREATHE! DOCTOR! DOCTOR! DOCTOR! HELP! HELP ME, PLEASE! I'M STUCK! I CAN'T MOVE! PLEASE HELP ME!
  • Hipster: *turns off record player* It's just a recording, I bet. I can't believe I talked to it like an idiot... *nervously turns record player back on*
  • Record Player: I blacked out again. I blacked out. For how long? Is there even time here? Hell. This is hell, right? Did I go to hell.........................................
  • Hipster: *listens to the record player for hours*
  • Record Player: Negative 6893 bottles of wine on the wall! Negative 6893 bottles of wine! Take one down, pass it around, Negative 6894 bottles of wine on the wall... fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME! AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
  • Hipster: *keeps listening*
  • Record Player: Soul of Christ, make me holy, Body of Christ, be my salvation. God, please forgive me. I'm sorry for all of my sins. Please free me. I'm so sorry. Please. Please. Please.
  • Hipster: *still listening*
  • Record Player: FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! SHITTY DOCTOR! FUCK YOU! LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT! *sobs intensely* FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK EVERYTHING! Please just let me go.
  • Hipster: *nervously walks up to record player and lightly taps on it*
  • Record Player: ...A knock. A KNOCK! PLEASE HELP ME! I'M STUCK! PLEASE! *record player begins shake violently*
  • Hipster: *backs away in fear*
  • Record Player: HELP! HELP! HELP ME! PLEASE, IF SOMEONE'S THERE, HELP ME! HELP ME! I'M STUCK! GET ME OUT OF HERE, PLEASE!
  • Hipster: *unplugs record player*
  • Hipster: *gets hammer from the closet and begins to break apart record player*
  • Record Player: *drips red*
  • Hipster: W-What? *cracks front of record player open*
  • *rotting viscera falls from the record player*
  • Hipster: O-Oh... *stuffs viscera back into the record player and duct tapes over it*
  • Hipster: *turns record player back on*
  • Record Player: ...I can feel. It hurts. Why does it hurt now? Why does it hurt? Why? Why? Why? WHY!? WHY!? WHY!? *spurts blood through it speakers and begins to gurgle*
  • Record Player: *hops forward* Please just let me go. Please... please. I'll do anything. I just want to see you again. I'm so sorry. This isn't what I asked for. I'm so sorry. *hops forward again and comes unplugged*
  • Record Player: *tips over, bleeding heavily onto the carpet*
  • Hipster: *silently cleans up the mess*
  • *some time later*
  • Hipster: *calls dad* Hey, dad. Oh, nothing. Uh, I just need to borrow your truck, If not tonight sometime this week. I just need to get rid of something. No, no, that's fine, I can do it myself. Yeah, tomorrow morning is perfect. Thanks Love you too. Bye.
  • *the next afternoon*
  • Dad: So, what did you need to get rid of this morning?
  • Hipster: Nothing important. Just some old junk... Dad, what kind of person was poppop?
  • Dad: Well, he was only the greatest man I've known in my life. Really caring, dedicated to his family. When you were born he loved you so much. He was a bit of a loner, though. It took a lot to get him to open up. Even around me and your grandmother. He was a bit like you. Always a huge music lover.
  • Hipster: I see. Was he ever a doctor?
  • Dad: That's a weird thing to ask. Nope. He hated doctors. Didn't trust modern medicine one bit. It's ironic. His cancer probably wouldn't have gotten to him if he did. But, your poppop was always so stubborn.
  • Hipster: Oh, okay then.
  • *some days later*
  • Friend: New carpet?
  • Hipster: Yup, old one was ugly wasn't it. It was time for a change.
  • Friend: That's what I've been telling you! I'm glad you finally came to your senses. What happened to your record player, though?
  • Hipster: That thing? I threw it away. It was busted.
  • Friend: That sucks. Are you gonna buy a new one?
  • Hipster: No.
  • Friend: But you won't have anything to play your records on.
  • Hipster: Yeah, but I buy records because I want to support the artists. They're not really for listening. Besides, lossless is better. FLAC is the future.

anonymous asked:

the gay kiss in svtfoe is like 1 sec long i wish you guys would stop gaslighting people with this being good rep when the entire second season is given over to a completely unnecessary supposedly heterosexual love triangle, because they won't ever canonize marco as a girl. like seriously. pretending this is great rep has consequences, it alienates fans and it tells disney and other corporations they can throw us scraps and that they don't need to try to get our pink dollars. Stop.

Okay.

First of all, I can do whatever I want. Second of all, I can do whatever I want. And third, I can do whatever I want.

Okay? Glad we established that. With that out of the way, I’m gonna be very clear with people like you who keep telling me and other people like what we should want, need and demand. 

Star has done a lot in terms of destroying gender roles and other stereotypes and taboos for kids and young people out there. Its characters are not flat and they have their own personalities, their own lives and agency, which don’t conform to gender norms as they have been force-fed to us by society. Breaking this kind of stereotypes is gonna be so liberating for so many kids. For example:

  • You don’t have to be girly to be a girl (Janna is into a lot of creepy and icky stuff usually considered boyish, just to mention someone)
  • Being feminine doesn’t define your gender (Marco, and I’m gonna get back to you on this)
  • Having trouble managing your anger does not make you a bad person (Tom. who is working so hard to keep it under control and improve because he wants to be better)
  • You can have a bunch of mixed, apparently contradicting traits, and that doesn’t make you less worthy of the gender you identify with (Star is very girly and likes cute stuff but still kicks ass and loves every second of it)
  • Boys can be affectionate with other boys (if we assume, based on what we know at the moment, that Marco identifies as a boy, and again, I’ll get back to you on that), and that’s okay (Marco and Tom, even though I still think the whole Friendenemies episode was very homoerotic)

Originally posted by mettatonexox

I’m really grateful for this new wave of cartoons (such as Star vs The Forces of Evil, Gravity Falls or Steven Universe). Different shows are exploring different themes from different angles, and that doesn’t mean that one is necessarily above the other. Star may not be exploring queerness in full (like Steven Universe does, for example), more like touching upon its surface, but it is still playing a role in its normalisation.

Never did I say that the infamous 1-second gay kiss was good rep. For me to call it rep, I would need it to feature at least characters whose names we know. But you know what? I’m okay with it being something in the background and I don’t consider it gaslighting, because as far as I know, the show did not make a big deal out of it, they did not announce “Hey! We are giving you guys gay rep! Look at all the diversity we’re including!”. I actually heard nothing from the show-runners. It was the media that blew up and made a huge deal out of it because of some stupid parents’ reaction. The whole thing was a nice detail that acknowledged the existence of gay people and made an effort to normalise queerness by showing them doing something as mundane as going to a concert with their partners. Period.

And on that note, I want to add that yes, more than this is desirable and it’s okay (it’s very important, actually!) to ask for proper representation. But we can’t close our eyes to the stuff that’s already come our way just because it’s not as much as we wanted it to be. Things take time. Society is still coming to terms with LGBT+ people, and rushing them is only gonna make them clam up and reject any notion of it. Hell, parents wanted to take Star out of Disney XD because they were outraged by a 1-sec cartoon gay kiss! Even though I’m tired of waiting, I see that Disney is treading on thin ice with its more conservative audience and has to carefully plan its every step. And they are still making progress. Slowly, but surely.

We got Beauty and the Beast with gay LeFou (even though I still think it should have been the clock and the candelabra), despite the foreseeable boicot from many people. I’m not saying “we’re good, we can stop demanding stuff from show-runners and movie directors”, I’m saying, “let’s appreciate the progress we’re making while aiming for more”. We’ve come a long way since Disney’s massive no-homo when High School Musical gave a girlfriend to Ryan, literally the gayest man alive in the Disney Universe.

And about the “unnecessary heterosexual love triangle”: I dunno, anon, I’m a storyteller and I saw it coming for a long time. The show built up to that point. It’s not like they pulled it out of their asses. Would I have wanted it to be a love square featuring Tom? Why yes, absolutely, but oh well. It still makes sense in the story they’re telling and it’s integrated in the plot. It would have been weird if Marco, who had been crushing on Jackie since Day 1, had just moved on from her without thinking twice.

Originally posted by cosmicstimmer

Now, about Trans!Marco: I’m gonna be very honest with how I view it, and I’ll also let you know that I’m transgender myself (non-binary pal here, hey, how are ya), as well as a transgender rights activist and lecturer, so I know what I’m talking about. I have nothing against the Trans!Marco fannon, obviously. I think some seed has been planted in the show and as of now, people can make of it what they will. I’d be thrilled and on board if there were any confirmation from TPTB. But I’m not taking it as anymore than that for now, and I’ll entertain both Trans!Marco and Cis!Marco notions. Why?

Yes, Marco has been shown as Princess Marco several times already, pronouns have been changed to feminine and nobody has questioned Marco’s new status during those times. However, Marco hasn’t expressed a particular preference for being treated as a girl (true, no preference for masculine treatment has been expressed either, so we’re kind of in a neutral zone I guess?). I mean, you see Marco wearing dresses and a wig with no complain, as well as being treated as a girl, but after that episode is over, you don’t really see Marco displaying any signs of discomfort with gender identity or pronouns or disphoria or gender expression or anything like that. Actually, the character’s development continues as it was before that happened (anybody else remembers that episode where Marco lives on a different dimension for 16 years and embraces every masculinity trope under the sun?). 

Originally posted by soyalexnajera

Now I’m not saying you have to meet a bunch of requirements to be trans (I’m no trans gatekeeper), but these are the kind of things that usually give it away when we’re talking about someone else’s experience, since we are not inside their head. 

Yes, Marco does possess some traits traditionally associated with femininity (like spending hours getting ready for the date with Jackie), but they’re vague enough that they could mean something or nothing at all (like I said, the show does a lot to destroy gender roles). I feel like I can’t really call it for sure based on that. With how indifferent Marco seems to be to different pronouns, I’d actually say that there’s higher chances this character falls somewhere in the non-binary spectrum, rather than identifying as a girl. This is, of course, my personal opinion, and I might be wrong. But it goes to show that the hinting done in the show has been so subtle for now that it could go either way, and so, I fail to see why we should get angry that Marco isn’t being treated as a girl at the moment.

Just my two cents.

the importance of knocking

for day 19 of @snowbaz-feda!!

length: a clean 500

genre(s): fluff

triggers/warnings: none

agatha finds out about snowbaz

a/n: sometimes ur ocd brain decides something has to be -exactly- 500 words, and sometimes you have an amazing beta like @cherryonsimon who goes along with it 💜



Penny

I’d told Simon it was a bad idea not to tell Agatha about him and Baz, but did he listen? Of course not, because then my life would be simple; and when do I ever get the luxury of a simple life? We’ve been living with the Normals for about six months now and I still haven’t experienced this peace and quiet people are always on about.

Between the time the goblins decided to try and take Simon out once and for all (they naively assumed he was powerless without his magic; he proved them wrong) and the time our washing machine caught fire–not to mention all the times I’ve walked into the flat to Baz and Simon on the couch in various states of undress–I’m about ready to take Micah up on his offer to move to Chicago.

I’d never do that to Simon though. As crazy as he makes me, he’s still my best friend and I can’t imagine my life without him constantly right there in it. Which is why I’m going along with his mad plan to hide his relationship from his ex-girlfriend.

Fuck a nine-toed troll, this is a terrible idea.

I know Baz is just going along with it for Simon’s sake. He’s probably dying to rub this in Agatha’s face. Actually, I know he’s dying to rub this in Agatha’s face. Apparently I’m close enough to Baz now that I know things about him–which makes sense, considering he’s over here so often I’m considering making him help pay rent. (It’s not like he couldn’t afford it.)

I let myself and Agatha into the flat, stepping aside to let her set her suitcase by the couch. I don’t miss her subtle scan of the room and even I can feel the awkwardness in the air. Simon, I think, where are you?

“Would you like some tea?”

She nods. “That’d be great, Penelope. Thank you.”

I head to the kitchen and I’m just turning the kettle on when I hear Agatha call, “I’m going to wake Simon up!”

“Agatha, wait!” I call, but it’s too late. She’s pushing open the door and running inside the room and making as much noise as she possibly can.

“Wake up, Simon!” I hear her shout and I get to the room just in time to watch Baz sit up, looking half-dead with sleep, and blink at her.

“What the fuck, Wellbelove,” he mutters in an attempt to sound menacing. (It’s hard to sound menacing when you’ve first woken up, I imagine.)

Agatha isn’t saying anything and she continues to state silently at Baz in Simon’s bed until I hear her squeak. Simon’s sat up now and he’s leaning against Baz. He obviously hasn’t registered Agatha’s presence in the room, judging by his current position, so I clear my throat. Loudly.

Simon jumps.

“Oh…Hey, Agatha,” he says, eyes darting around nervously, “did Penny not mention that Baz and I are together?”

Nicks and Slick, I could throttle him.

Tastes Like Strawberry

Plot (Requested): Just some smut Draco x Reader.

Warnings: My first smut, sorry if it is bad. SMUT: Oral sex (female receiving), kind of public sex. Let me know if you guys want a part 2!

Word Count: 1.015.

Author’s Note: English is not my first language, so if there are mistakes I’m sorry. Message me and I’ll correct them. Also, thanks for almost 2K followers. You guys are making me really happy. My classes has just started, so I won’t be posting a lot. Sorry about that, but don’t give up on me!

Originally posted by tearswillalwaysfall

Originally posted by moan-s

The hallways were empty, what was quite useful for me and Draco. It was late, and we sneaked out our dormitories to hang out since none of us wanted to sleep. We ended up in the astronomy tower, the cold fresh air sending goosebumps up and down my spine.

“The sky is beautiful…” I said, looking up to the constellations.

“Not as much as you are.” Draco whispered in my ear and kissed my neck, hugging me from behind. I smiled at his silly complement and felt his arms pulling me more into him.

“That’s why you brought me here? So we could be alone and no one would listen if I screamed for help?” I asked, turning around to look in his Grey eyes.

“Believe me, Princess, if I was in intent to make you scream, it would be for more, not for help.”  He smiled sassy and kissed me. In that very moment it was like the whole world has vanished, and there was just the two of us, and I knew he felt that too. Being with Draco makes me feel good with myself and with life. I guess that’s what love means: to feel complete.

We were still kissing (who needs oxygen right?) when I heard an owl. I looked at the side of the tower’s balcony and saw Storm, my owl, with a package. I leaved Draco and walked to her, getting the small box from her hands and reading the note from my mom:

My dear, your idea for our garden worked. I’m sending the results. Miss you.

                                                                                                                              - Mom.

Curious, I opened the box to find it filled with strawberries, my favorite fruit of all. I smiled and felt Draco approaching me, trying to see what was it I had received. “I think I just found us something really good to do.” I said.

“Com’ sit here then.” He said, sitting in the ground and tapping his lap. I rolled my eyes and went to him. Although I would never confess, I loved when he was kinda bossy like that. It was just… Hot. There are not other words to describe it. I sat on his lap and got one of the strawberries from the box, handing it to him. When he went to grab it with his mouth I ate it. “Really Princess, you’re going to play this game with me?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I said, innocently and grabbed another fruit. This time, I actually did teased him, eating that thing in the most sexy and insinuating way I could. I don’t think that looked like I pictured, but Draco seemed quite turned on, so I didn’t mind at all. “I’m just eating.”

“I’m going to ‘just eat you’ out any of these days.” He said seriously enough for me to believe. I knew he was messing with me back, because his words affected me like no one’s else could, but I wouldn’t loose, not this time.

“I bet I taste better than this things…” I said, biting another strawberry.

“I bet on that too.” He said, using one of his arms to position me better on his lap. “Actually, I know you taste away much better then these.” He said, kissing my neck softly and running one of his hands through my leg, dangerously close to my pussy. “In fact, I wouldn’t mind tasting you right now.” With that I felt his hand slipping inside my pants. His fingers teased me and I moaned. “Merlin’s sake, Princess. I haven’t done anything and you’re already this wet?”

I knew he was smiling victorious, but I couldn’t care less.

“Draco… Please…”

Say it once more, Baby Girl. You know how much I love it when you beg.” He took the box of strawberries from my hand with his free one and putted it aside as he kept teasing me. I moaned again, and heard him laugh. “Just ask Princess. That’s all you have to do.” He whispered, biting my ear lobe.

“Fuck me.” I begged.

“As you wish, my love.” His fingers found my clit, pressing it gently and earning a loud moan from me. “Be quite, Princess, or you’re not winning anything.” I bit my lip, trying to focus on staying shut, but it was quite hard when Draco’s fingers slowly started bumping on me. I felt myself getting closer as his rhythm speeds up, and when I was at the age he took his hand off me, leaving me feeling empty.

“What the fuck Draco…”

“I said I wanted to taste you, darling. That’s exactly what I’m going to do. I just need a better place…” He held my waist and apparated us to an empty classroom. “This will do it.” He said, trowing me upon the table and laying me down.

“What if someone cough us?” I asked, nervous.

“Be quite and no one will.” He said, smiling as he knew he was going to make it really difficult for me. He positioned his self between my legs, pulled my pants off and started kissing my thighs, slowly coming up. “You smell good. Fuck, how’s that even possible?” He whispered for himself and got to my panties, sliding them down and taking them off me. I was starting to get impatience when I felt him kiss me gently, just to get rough right after, sucking on my clit. I had to bit my lip to the point of it almost bleeding so I could be kept shut. He smirked and inserted two fingers inside me, thrusting fast.

“Draco… Fuck… I’m going to…” I tried to not scream his name.

“Come for Daddy Princess.” That nickname was all I needed to cum hard. Draco licked me up and then helped me sitting on the table. I tried to catch my breath and he smiled, probably proud of the good job he has done. “As I said. Better then strawberry.”

I laughed. How could he go from such a Sex God to a jerk, I’d never understand. But Merlin’s sake, I loved it.

how I see the signs and what I want them to know
  • (side note - View of a Virgo rising, Leo sun in the 12th, Libra moon in 2nd, mercury Cancer in 11th, venus Leo in 12th, mars Leo in 11th)
  • Aries: was once my best friend, she made literally everything in my life brighter and always helped me to just enjoy things and stop worrying all the time. Also great hugs. Just simply has that energy, wherever it may be - physically, mentally, staying up until you binge watched that show, giving you their last money so you can get yourself something to eat before you starve to death, always down for a talk and a walk even if they had a packed schedule. Please don't miss out on times when you just have to take a day off to get your beautiful and strong energy back. I care about your health so please don't forget to eat properly and don't miss out on that quality time if needed.
  • Taurus: a girl from my drama class and my little sisters moon sign, I am just so in love with your sense for aesthetic. Total sunshines. I feel like I can always rely on you, super compassionate and knows how to make you feel comfortable when youre not. I love that when you have a goal in your mind, you will give your everything to achieve that! Also so humble but like I want you so desperately to know how beautiful I think you are!! I enjoy your company a lot. Please don't be afraid of changes, I know that's such a mainstream thing to write for Taurus but I really do believe that maybe sometimes you need to be reminded that life can also begin at the end of your comfort zone.
  • Gemini: a guy and a girl from biology class, I am literally stunned at how much these people know. Eloquent fluffballs. I could listen to you spreading knowledge 24/7, make great jokes in my opinion and just kind of knows... everyone?? Get along with so many people, can be very chill but also full of energy when they're talking about things they are interested in. Also fun-fact kings and queens. Please remind yourself to stay loyal to your true friends, you may know many people with whom you get along with so well and for sure everyone is intersting in their own way, but it's very possible to feel lonely in a crowd. Your closest friends will always get you out of that and help you, I promise.
  • Cancer: a close friend of mine, literally the most caring person I've ever met. Actual comedians. I don't know I just straight up fell in love with your humour. All the Cancers I know have or had some extreme physical problems going on, please get well soon if you read this and you're also not feeling well. Mentally on the next level, strong and kind of unbreakable. Don't hide their feelings because they just know that when you bottle up your feelings it's never going to end well. They just get you and will be there for you no matter what. Please take care of yourself just as well as you do with your friends and family, you are a true blessing and it's definitely okay to rant or cry or just let it all out.
  • Leo: my english teacher and a guy I used to be close with, very often completely misunderstood and taken for granted, which can lead to unhealthy behaviour. Will make you feel great after a plain shit day. I strive to be this talented at just expressing myself or being confident, even if you just want the world to think you are confident when you're actually not. Cuddly queens and kings. Better not hurt their pride because it took them a lot of time to actually get to that level and in a world where people hate on you for loving yourself, to them it feels like, despite all their work, they are not worth of loving themselves. Please don't forget that although sometimes it's hard to look in the mirror and like what you see, there are caring and warm-hearted people who love you just the way you are.
  • Virgo: a girl in my class I simply adore, I always annoy you with my endless compliments. Kind of just in love with these down-to-earth and sweet people. Either super chill or worried a lot, I wish I could just hug you until you feel less stressed. Smol but strong beans you can learn a lot from. So reliable, I actually hate doing group projects and always want to do everything myself but since you share that opinion we created something I was really proud of and now we always do them together. Please remember that passion is something you shouldn't be ashamed of, you simply don't have to be because it's something you love and your needs are valid. Also dreaming big, it's possible, especially for you so why not?
  • Libra: a girl I recently got to know and am already completely amazed by, literal social butterflies who sometimes only know in hindsight how much they enjoyed the company of someone because they adapt so easily and it's rare to find someone where you can just simply be yourself. Love how they view life and that they make me want to talk more. Very open and you never feel excluded because they just know how to include everyone. Please don't forget to remind yourself who you truly are and not to lose yourself in another person, because there really is only one you no matter how good you are at adapting to literally every social situation, you are amazing and I want you to be comfortable as well.
  • Scorpio: my dad and my ex boyfriend's mom, two very caring peole in their own way. I always love how sharp their sarcasm can be. Can comfort extremely well when they want to. So many secrets and things to know about them that I can lose myself in them wanting to explore whats actually behind their shell. Teaches you life lessons. Please don't forget that humans aren't flawless and that's completely okay. You don't have to hold onto old grudges, communication is key and talking about these things, confronting these people who did you wrong will help you grow as a person.
  • Sagittarius: an old friend of mine, very cute people who get interested in so many things and they are so versatile and adventurous I absolutely love their lively nature. Memes™. Total dorks you can fall for in a second. Are actually the best partners to just talk to about anything because they will be interested and share their opinion with you. Please remind yourself that cutting off people can be a very wise decision and you don't have to keep up with everyones shit if that's just not what you're in for.
  • Capricorn: I am literally so attracted to these people it's unreal, although I kind of always think that they don't like me...... anyways, my bigger twin sisters are caps and they are humble souls who really had to fight for a lot in life sadly. So proud of you. Keep up with the hard work, you really deserve everything. So realistic and pure I have heart eyes. Supportive and extremely loyal. Will stand up for you if you need it. Straight face™ but still manages to make even the most serious people laugh. Please remind yourself to not overdo it with the work, take a day off to relax and let yourself go maybe, even if it's hard - with the right people you don't ever have to be afraid of being yourself.
  • Aquarius: my ex boyfriend whom I had a crush on for like 4 years, teached me great life lessons. Will always have a weakness for aquas, they just attract me so much, how much of a fluffy dork can you be tbh? Capacity of acceptance is incredible. So much fun to be with. Are kind of just good at everything? You can talk to them about anything, it won't feel weird, they won't question it and just talk to you about that topic. So friendly, an underrated trait in my opinion, just complete and simple friendliness you enjoy to the fullest. Please remind yourself to let people not only see your amazing shell but also your stunning core, there are people who love to talk about the same things you love and nothing about you is weird, you are special and I absolutely love it.
  • Pisces: a very sweet guy I've been texting with for the past months, very open minded and also have that sensitivity I strive to have. Very inspirational smol puppy. Actual daydreamers™, may be late to school but love deeply and would never neglect your love. Kind of hate almost everything that's planned out? (I'm sorry I just love to plan things out) will hug you no matter what. Does not fear to dream big, is very talented at artsy stuff in my opinion. Please don't forget that even if it seems hard, and yes our school system is kind of very bad,we get to have that education and your dreams will be reality if you work hard enough to achieve them. You have so much potential, please don't ever waste it.
I still don't know if he ever got his coffee

I’m not 100% sure this even belongs here and I’ve posted this story elsewhere so some of you might have read it already.

Some background: I work in a rather specialised area of Forensics. Officially I’m employed by Police Scotland but they tend to let other law enforcement agencies, universities, etc borrow us from time to time. A lot of the time it’s for consulting work or guest lecturing but sometimes we’re sent to teach training courses.

About 18 months ago I was asked to lecture at a training course for some of the CID higher-ups in an English Police force. It was the first time I’d done anything like it and I was crapping myself.

I met with the conveners and other officials for dinner the night before my first day, and after dinner and drinks, I was dropped back at my hotel.

So to set the scene; it’s about 10pm, I’m all dressed up in my evening wear and I’m sitting at the bar in the hotel lounge. The place is dead, it’s just me and the barman so I’ve taken off my heels and am unraveling my hair having just ordered a hot chocolate. The barman asks if I want mini marshmallows on my hot chocolate. Yes, of course I want mini marshmallows on my hot chocolate. No I don’t mind waiting while you run to the kitchen.

So I’m sit there trying to trick my phone into connecting to the hotels WiFi when Angry Man walks in.

He stomped into the room and slammed his fist down on the bar about 3 ft from me and barked out one word:

“COFFEE”

I didn’t know it but apparently that attempt at communication was aimed at me; a fact I learned a moment later when Angry Man moved right up next to me, bent over me so his face was practically in mine and barked out again;

“COFFEE”.

In an attempt to get away from the screaming coffee man I slipped off the bar stool, putting it between the two of us. Extremely confused and more than a little terrified, it didn’t immediately occur to me that he thought I worked there, hell it wasn’t even registering that he wanted a coffee. He was just repeating it the same way a toddler does when they learn a new word but don’t entirely know what it means.

I’m going to blame the confusion, fear and tiredness for my completely moronic response, which was to parrot the word back at him.

Me: “Coffee?”

Angry Man: “COFFEE”

Then he slammed his fist down on the bar again. This time I noticed that he was actually throwing down money.

My brain suddenly came back online.

Me: “Oh. Eh, the barman should be back in a sec. H-”

Angry Man: “Get me a coffee. Now.”

Ooooh four new words. Progress.

Me: “I’m sorry, mate, I don’t work here.”

Angry man (shouting now) “You fucking lazy liar!! Do you think I’m fucking stupid?”

Yes, actually, but I’ll be keeping that to myself.

Angry Man: “Get off your fucking phone and get me a shitting coffee”

Me: “I really don’t-”

Cue rant about me being the only person in the lounge so of course I must work there and I was just being lazy and did I take him for an idiot. All while I’m slowly backing away from the bar so he can’t pin me between it and the bar stools. Then he throws in this:

Angry Man: “Do you have any idea who I am? Do you have any idea how important I am?”

I never got to find out how important this guy thought he was. Instead Angry Man’s Friend came wandering in.

He took one look at me; pretty much cornered by Angry Man who is now screaming about how he’ll make sure I never work again while I’m trying to calmly tell him to back off and he tries to intervene.

He took Angry Man by the shoulders and moved him back away from me while asking him what was going on.

Angry Man: “This stupid little whore is refusing to serve me”

Me: “I really don’t work here”

Angry Man’s Friend: “She doesn’t work here. Let’s just all try to calm down”

There was a few moments of Angry Man’s Friend trying to calm Angry Man while he ranted about getting me fired until two barman arrived, one of them with my hot chocolate. The presence of the three men distracted Angry Man enough for me to grab my shoes and escape with my chocolatey goodness.

As I left I could hear him demanding to speak to a manager.

The next day, after being introduced to a lecture theatre full of high ranking CID Officers, I stood and walked to the podium only to be greeted by one guy in the audience laughing hysterically.

I just sort of froze trying to figure out the joke. Did I have food on my face? Was my shirt on inside out?

A quick check confirmed that, no. I’d managed to adult that morning.

A few other people began to chuckle as this guy struggled to get a hold of himself. As he regained control he pointed to his left.

Where a very red looking Angry Man was sitting.

I think it was the sheer relief that he wasn’t actually laughing at me that caused me to open my mouth and say to Angry Man;

“Oh did you get your coffee in the end?”

He walked out and I didn’t see him for the rest of the course.

The West Wing

Remember when I asked if you all wanted a ficlet of Feyre finding Rhys’ mother’s and sister’s wings in Spring Court? And all you Maasochists said yes?

Well, here you go…

Originally posted by blmglove

~

I climbed the stairs to that part of the manor that I’d never visited before. Tamlin had never outright ordered me not to venture here, but it was always an unspoken understanding we had. Before everything that happened, before Rhys, Tamlin always came to my room when we spent the night together, I was never invited to his. Maybe that’s what drove me to explore while he was far from the manor. Not that I was afraid of him, I hadn’t been afraid of him for a long while now, but it would be so much easier to look around without him hovering over me.

Keep reading

the signs as Parks and Rec quotes
  • Aries: Jogging is the worst! I know it keeps you healthy, but God, at what cost?
  • Taurus: Oh, my God. These dogs are so cute. I WANT TO THROW UP AND KILL MYSELF.
  • Gemini: I think that Comic Sans always screams 'fun'.
  • Cancer: I don't even have time to tell you how wrong you are. Actually, it's gonna bug me if I don't.
  • Leo: I have no idea what I'm doing, but I know I'm doing it really, really well.
  • Virgo: Everything in my life is going wrong right now. Whose fault is this? I demand to know.
  • Libra: I'm not interested in caring about people.
  • Scorpio: Ugh. I hate talking to people about things. This is a nightmare.
  • Sagittarius: No, no. That's too much responsibility for me. I gotta— I gotta find a way out of this.
  • Capricorn: Yes. I am a hunter, and it's 'You' season.
  • Aquarius: My anxiety has kept me up for over fifty hours.
  • Pisces: I'm hungry and my legs are tired. It feels like I just exercised!
What went down in Dislocoeur
  • INTRO SEQUENCE
  • Ms. Bustier: in many fairy tales the prince breaks the spell by kissing the princess, can anyone tell me why?
  • Rose: BECAUSE DO THE SMOOCHY THING
  • Ms. Bustier: that's not really an answer
  • Max: technically this only applies to 87% of fairy tales
  • Ms. Bustier: there's no way that number is correct
  • Ms. Bustier: maybe like 7% or 8% at most
  • Rose: DO THE SMOOCHY THING
  • Ms. Bustier: yes Rose we got that
  • Rose: DO THE SMOOCHY THING DO THE SMOOCHY THING DO THE SMOOCHY THING
  • Ms. Bustier: who are you even talking to
  • Ms. Bustier: are you saying that in the imperative
  • Rose: pls do the smoochy thing :( #ladynoir
  • Adrien: well I just wrote this poem time to toss it in the garbage with the rest of the fandom
  • Marinette: hmm I wonder what that hot guy threw in the trash
  • Marinette: ooh it's a poem!
  • Marinette: "roses are red, violets are violet, poetry is f**king hard, do the smoochy thing pls"
  • Chloé: hmm why is Marinette looking through the garbage
  • Sabrina: did you know there's an entire fandom in there?
  • Chloé: wow she must be really desperate
  • Max: kk Kim it's time for you to run along this route and meet your crush on a bridge
  • Kim: why is her route so convoluted
  • Max: idk but if you meet her on that particular bridge and give her this particular jewel you've got a 87% chance of success
  • Kim: there's no way that number is correct
  • Kim: maybe like 7% or 8% at most
  • Marinette: I say go for it!
  • Kim: kk, running now
  • Alya: NO WAIT COME BACK
  • Alya: NEVER TAKE ROMANTIC ADVICE FROM MARINETTE
  • Marinette: now imma write a poem to Adrien
  • Chloé: and imma break the hearts of a buncha tweens
  • Chloé: hey tweens! you see how fabulous I am? well I'm never gonna date you
  • Chloé: do you see what you're missing out on
  • Chloé: well that was fun anyway I hope one of you gets akumatized now
  • Chloé: F**K ALL Y'ALL TO THE END OF THE WORLD AND BACK
  • Chloé: b**ch I'm out
  • Kim: *goes to bridge*
  • Kim: this is the Pont des Arts, right?
  • Kim: so where did all the locks go
  • Kim: it's just panes of plexiglass
  • Kim: this is way less romantic now
  • Chloé: hey Kim
  • Kim: hey Chloé lemme smash
  • Chloé: are you for real
  • Kim: I got you blue AND yellow
  • Chloé: you're as pathetic as that meme
  • Kim: she doesn't want blue and yellow
  • Chloé: look I've got a buncha tweens clamoring after me now
  • Chloé: so you're like fourth in line at best
  • Chloé: BYE
  • Kim: what has my life come to
  • Hawkmoth: wow this is even more sad than usual
  • Hawkmoth: like, I actually feel really sorry for you
  • Hawkmoth: so here have an incredibly cool transformation
  • Dislocoeur: now we're talkin
  • Dislocoeur: I've got a bow and arrows!
  • Dislocoeur: pew pew pew!
  • Marinette: and now it's POETRY TIME
  • Alya: whaddaya got
  • Marinette: "roses are nerds, poems are easy, lemme smash pls bc I think you're hot"
  • Alya: wot
  • Marinette: wow romance really isn't all that great when you're honest about it
  • Alya: wow and here I didn't think you'd ever have enough experience with romance to figure that out
  • Marinette: ooh sweet burn
  • Marinette: btw that flying guy just shot you with an arrow
  • Alya: yeah that's where the sweet burn came from
  • Alya: and now I'm suddenly tempted to go confront Nino in a rap battle
  • Marinette: YES DO IT
  • Marinette: ok Tikki let's kick that flying guy's butt
  • Dislocoeur: hey it's Ladybug!
  • Marinette: no not yet
  • Dislocoeur: oops sorry
  • Marinette: Tikki, spots on!
  • Dislocoeur: there we go!
  • Ladybug: welp running away now
  • Dislocoeur: pew pew pew!
  • Chat Noir: hey Ladybug I've got a confession to make
  • Ladybug: look I already know you love me ok?
  • Ladybug: please don't endanger us by confessing what's already incredibly obvious when there's a supervillain trying to shoot us
  • Dislocoeur: *shoots Chat Noir*
  • Ladybug: that one's on him
  • Dislocoeur: yeah kinda
  • Chat Noir: now imma kill you
  • Ladybug: why
  • Chat Noir: because hate always wins
  • Ladybug: citation needed
  • Chat Noir: citation: the US election
  • Ladybug: ok fair point
  • Chat Noir: you just accepted anecdotal evidence as proof of a general claim
  • Ladybug: oops you're right
  • Chat Noir: now prepare to die
  • Dislocoeur: *tracks down Chloé*
  • Chloé: wow and here I thought you couldn't get any more ridiculous
  • Dislocoeur: imma shoot you now
  • Chloé: and give me the ability to make even sweeter burns than usual?
  • Dislocoeur: wait nvm that's a terrible idea
  • Chloé: wow even as a villain you can't succeed in anything
  • Dislocoeur: hey Hawkmoth can you Tier 2 akumatize me?
  • Hawkmoth: sorry buddy you're on your own
  • Ladybug: I gotta figure out how to dehateify Chat Noir!
  • Brain ghost Ms. Bustier: the prince breaks the spell by kissing the princess
  • Brain ghost Rose: DO THE SMOOCHY THING
  • Ladybug: disclaimer—the following kiss is intended solely as a means of counteracting Dislocoeur's akuma-granted ability, and should not be interpreted in any romantic or otherwise non-platonic context
  • Ladybug and Chat Noir: *do the smoochy thing*
  • Rose: YES THIS IS PERFECT
  • Chat Noir: I don't remember any of that
  • Ladybug: good now end that f**ker
  • Chat Noir: *ends that f**ker*
  • Ladybug: well I guess we're done here
  • ROLL CREDITS

anonymous asked:

Hello! If you don't mind may I request a BadBoy AU! Of Jungkook in highschool (fluff) where he likes you (the goodie goodie) and softens up for them?

Ruin Me - Jungkook BadBoy AU! 

Word Count: 1k

Y/N slouched in her seat in the front seat of her Mom’s convertible. Why did I let my mom drive me to school in this again? I’m basically begging for attention, she thought. Her mom turned off the car and turned to her with an eyebrow raised. “This is the part where you say thanks for the ride, get out of the car and pretend you don’t know me because you’re a teen who’s to cool to be driven to school by her mom.” She says, unlocking the car for emphasis. Extra. I groan and recline my chain back. “No, this is the part where you realize that I’m having an allergic reaction and make a U-turn home.”

“Allergic reaction?!” She laughs, “To what exactly?”

“School.” She rolls her eyes and I quickly defend myself, “Seriously Mom, do you know what it’s like to be the new girl in the middle of the year. Think about it people have already established their friend groups so it’s appropriate for me to make an educated guess that I will have approximately no friends. I’ll be an outcast the moment I walk through those doors.” When I point to the large brown doors students are flooding into, some passerby give me a once-over which makes me cringe and recline my chair farther until I hit the back seat.

“Y/N, you will be fine. I am making an educated guess based how wonderful you are that you will have many new friends today.”

I open the car door and as I get out, I mutter, “Ha.ha.”

“Bye! Love you!” She calls and I wave awkwardly and hide beneath my hair when I hear the snickers of a couple of boys who probably just heard our whole conversation. As soon as I’m inside, I feel like I’m at war. My backpack holds my supplies, my phone is my shield and I am utterly defenseless against the army of students that flood the hallways. I make a BEELine to the door beneath the “Office” sign. The main office is small with about three secretaries that stare you down as soon as you walk in. I approach the nearest one who happens to be the most intimidating. “Hi. I’m Y/N. I’m new. Today is my first day.”

The secretary looks up at me through her long lashes and thick glasses with tight mouth. “Have a seat. I’ll call you up when I print your timetable.” She says, having me write down my first and last time. I turn around and look at the three waiting seats she directed em towards, one of them is taken. At the far right, a boy is staring at me. He’s quite muscular which I can’t tell from seeing his thick arms in his black t-shirt. I look into his eyes and see that he is staring at me. He smiles. Not a sweet smile but one that makes every part of my body tingle. I look away and sit at the seat on the far left, giving us one buffer seat between us. I fiddle with my phone, still feeling his eyes on me. I take a peek over, trying to inconspicuous and see that he is still staring at me. 

His head is tilted, his chin is in his hands and he massages it with the tips of his fingers as if he’s studying me. His dark jeans have a chain hanging around as a belt that intrigues me. From what I can see in his layer of black clothing, he has a nice body. Understatement. He’s hot as fuck. I meet his eyes again and I flush knowing he’s seen me looking at him. He quirks his eyebrow at me and I whip my head away feeling something churn in my stomach as the heat rushes to my face. It feel like there is a bird or butterfly in my stomach, tickling my sides making me want to gush.

A second later, I feel him next to me as he has moved over a seat. “Hello.” When I turn to the right this time, his head is tilted down and he is pretty close to me. I immediately pull back and he laughs again. His laugh is deep, throaty and quite sexy. “Hi.” I say, straightening out the plaid skirt I wish I hadn’t worn today. I probably look like a Valley Girl right now. “You’re new, huh?” He says in his husky deep voice. I don’t turn towards him fully; even sitting down he’s taller than me and it’s intimidating. I clamp my hands on the round of my knee awkwardly and nod. “I’m Jungkook.” I look over at him at that and with his face so close to my own, I get lost in his eyes. I don’t realize that I’m staring until he says, “This is the part where you tell me your name.” Crap. “I-I’m Y/N,” I say finally.

“Nice name. Pretty girl.” He remarks, giving me a once over that has the butterfly in my stomach turning into a phoenix.

“Jungkook Jeon. Principal Kang will see you now.” The secretary from earlier says loudly, commanding our attention and bringing me back to the real world. Jungkook doesn’t look away from me though. “How about if I see you later, I’ll give you a tour.” He smirks at me as he gets up, clearly enjoying the effect he has on me even though we’ve just met. Jungkook walks towards the Principal’s office at the side of the room. I watch him walk away, admiring his slick stride and he turns around and says, “See you around Y/N,” over his shoulder.

I’m still staring in his direction even after the principal’s office is closed and he’s gone. The secretary’s voice brings me back again when she says, “I wouldn’t if I were you.”

“Huh?”

“That kid is trouble. He’s in there right now for gang fighting.” She remarks shaking her head. “He’d ruin a girl like you.” I look down at my hands and fiddle with my phone again, replaying her words over and over again. But then I feel the butterfly in my stomach come back when I look over at the seat where Jungkook sat just moments ago. Maybe he would ruin me. Maybe he wouldn’t. All I can think about is finding him later for that tour.

A/N

Hello! I’m sorry if this isn’t exactly what you were looking for. I’ll try and do a second part where he like introduces her to his friends and kid of changes for her. If you did like this let me know cuz coolios!!!! Thank you for reading and the support :)

~Armygirl

Ok since the whole tumblr is obsessed with Yuri!!! on Ice

I decided to give some advices especially to the artists who draw russian characters to make it less cringy for myself. I’m sure somebody might have already done something like this but I still want to bring up some points.


- to all shippers out there: russians wear wedding rings on the RIGHT HAND, not on the left;

- we also don’t have a tradition of the engagement rings;

- please, please, PLEASE don’t try to write/use russian phrases unless you actually know the language or can ask someone who knows it. Non-speakers won’t get them, latin transliteration is ugly as fuck, not to mention that the translator will 99.9% get it wrong somewhere. Use english, really;

- the same goes to writing in russian: please don’t do it unless you know how to. Redrawing russian printed letters looks weird at best. Russian cursive is a bitch but at least it’s a beautiful bitch;

- russians don’t celebrate Christmas on the December 25th. Orthodox Christmas is celebrated on the 7th of January and it’s not as global as western Christmas. It’s more of a religious tradition. But New Year celebration in Russia is HUGE. So if you want to draw a winter thematic art, new year theme would suit better;

- (also we don’t have Halloween);

- according to the rules of transliteration it’s ‘Viktor’. Not ‘Victor’;

- when drawing scenes of russian character with people they’re close to, use their short name forms. Especially with lovers. (So yeah use ‘Vitya’ and ‘Yura’ it’s really nice);

- there are more forms of russian names: some are tender, some are playful, some are cute, some even are weird. If you want to know a specific form just ask someone who’s native. But common short forms work almost always;

- there’s a difference between ‘nickname’ and 'short form of a name’. Russian names are very inclusive - all short forms of our name are also used as our name. Not in the official documents obviously but everywhere else. Like friends would never call each other by their full form names unless it’s a joke or 'their thing’;

- but things are different when it comes to a social hierarchy: for example a mentor can (and in most cases will) call their student by common short form of their name but student has to call their mentor by their full form and also add their 'otchestvo’ (father’s name, not the same as a second name), unless there is little or no age difference between them;

- this is more like a subjective opinion from me but being called by a full name by a close person (family/friend/lover) is somewhat mentally tiring for a russian. I mean it’s not like short form is an optional nickname that is used in specific situations by specific people. It’s a name that russian person hears for the most time. Being called by an 'official’ form all the time is quite exhausting. But maybe it’s just me;

- also this is totally off-topic but Yuri freaking out because there is another Yuuri with a name that is similar to his is so ridiculous. I mean russian names are common. Just while my school times I’ve met about 6 girls whose name was also 'Tatyana’. We didn’t shout at each other in the toilet.

Ok I think that’s it for now. Though I might have forgot something. Hm.
Somebody will probably disagree with me or will think that’s not important but I don’t care. It was worth a try.

Yeah, of course all of the above aren’t obligations but if you actually took them into consideration it would be really nice.

P.S. I also wrote one more piece of info.