explaining star wars to non-fans
- me: so i'll start from the beginning just to make things more easy for you too understand. well...ok let's start with episode I or previous...imagine: obi wan is just a boy that nobody wants as padawan you know an "I'm still here situation" but then qui gon takes him as apprentice like you know a little "you'll be in my heart". they are master and padawan and they have to rescue the queen of naboo, doing that, they find a little kid named Anakin all "i just can't wait to be king" a sassy little boy. qui gon decides to take him as apprentice but unfortunately he dies leaving obi wan in despair and with the burden of training the boy. yoda is all "he lives in you" to obi wan and the ginger decides to train the boy on his master's will. obi wan is kind and "we are one" with the boy but the more anakin grows the more he is impertinent. anakin and the queen of naboo (padme) meet again and there's this moment of "two worlds" between them, anakin feels things he has never felt and obi wan is hella scared because "can you feel the love tonight?" and jedis cannot have relationships. anakin begins to be tormented by his feelings and visions of his mother dying and senator palpatine a "poor unfortunate souls" old bitch tries to bring anakin to the dark side. the young jedi has long days of tormented thoughts you know like "reflection" and then he starts to throw hate at obi wan. in the end anakin decides to "let it go" and becomes a sith, guess who? darth vader. padme gives birth to luke and leia and this time is obi wan who's all "you'll be in my heart".
- luke becomes an adult and he finds obi wan who's old and all "son of a man" to luke and decides to train him as a jedi. meanwhile the badass leia a girl all "i'm almost there" is kidnapped by vader. luke meets han solo and chewbacca that are all "one jump ahed" and the adventure starts after a wonderful tavern scene like "i've got a dream" . they save leia but obi wan dies and becomes one with the force. then after some years they are on hoth a bloody cold planet, R2 and C3PO are all "love is an open door" and the empire attacks. luke flies away on daghobah where old yoda trains him in a "one last hope" style. leia and han find shelter at cloud city but then they discover that lando, han's friend, has betrayed them and there's a fantastic scene where vader sits at the table all like "be our guest" and then we'll kill you. han and leia have fallen in love in a "whole new world way" but han is frozen in carbonite and leia can't do anything to stop it. luke comes to save the day and starts fighting with vader who says to be his father in a creepy "mother knows best" way. luke escapes thanks to leia and chewbacca who rescue him. jabba's palace, leia is made slave, "prince ali" style everyone and then lando and luke try to save their friends from the sarlacc. the empire is building a new death star and leia finds the ewoks in a "happy working song" kind of way. luke fights with vader and vader gives up showing his last hint of love for his son, yes now it's vader to be all "you'll be in my heart". the rebels win, the empire is destroyed. han and leia are happy together and everyone is relieved and free.
- many years later nobody knows where luke is, the resistance is searching for him and a sassy pilot named poe loses his droid with the long wanted map and is captured by the bad guys. meanwhile there is this girl rey who lives on a crappy sandy planet but it's all "touch the sky" and finds the droid with the map. poe is helped to escape by finn, a stormtrooper who wants to be good all "go the distance" and stuff. the bad guys are angry, general phasma, a woman pretty much "make a man out of you" is disappointed by general hux a ginger space nazi who blames kylo ren, aka ben solo, the son of leia and han who is all "i wannabe like you" for grandpa vader, he's a sith trained by supreme leader snoke a "be prepared" bitch. many things are done, finn and rey find han solo who brings them to a wise orange alien "circle of life" style who runs a tavern where rey finds luke's lightsaber and feels the force roaring "colors of the wind". rey is captured by kylo ren, the ginger nazi and the menacing phasma. thank to the force rey escapes and reunites with her new paternal figure han and her friend finn, they try to escape the base-planet-deathstar of the bad guys but kylo ren stops them. he kills his father and fights rey but the girl wins and goes away with the rebels. in the end rey finds luke who's also all "circle of life" face and the movie ends and we don't know anything more so far.
- person: did you just explained me star wars through disney songs?
- me: vanishes into the force.