i just can no longer

Confession #2,406

My dad just got upset because I wanted to go to six flags with my friends. He said he didn’t want me over doing it right before my make a wish trip. I snapped for the first time I told him I was going to go because my medical issues were about to become my whole life. My doctor wants me to drive over an hour twice a week to her office for testing. I have to get a port, and be hospitalized for 5 days for treatment. I want to be a kid for just a bit longer while I can. Before I have to be an adult

slavic languages gothic

You see a sentence written in cyrillic. Some of the letters are familiar. You see the meaning shimmering underneath the surface. You almost grasp it, but it slips away. The letters on the page mock you silently.

You know this Czech word. You’ve already learnt it in Polish. It is not the same word. It is a grave insult. Your slavic friends are shocked and embarassed for you when they hear you speak it.

There is a sentence in Croatian. There is a sentence in Serbian. There is a sentence in Bosnian. They are all the same sentence.

You have to write about your day in Slovak. You spend the night polishing the draft. You fail your assigment. It’s written in Czech. You don’t know Czech.

P is not what it seems. You have to remember that.

The Croatian sentence does not mean what the Bosnian sentence means. They both mean the same in Serbian.

That word has a diminutive. The diminutive has its own diminutive. The diminutive of the diminutive also has a diminutive. Nobody knows what the final diminutive of a word is. Some say the knowledge had been lost in centuries past and matrioshkas are the echo, the tangible warning left for us to remember. No living creature should hold the means of diminishing something into nonexistence.
Others say you may still find some of them in old soviet textbooks, if you dare to look in abandoned schools of Chernobyl.

Someone is speaking to you. Is that a he or a she? You aren’t sure. It’s an abstract concept. Why does it have gender.

You see a word in a dictionary. It has seventeen letters and only one vowel. You close the dictionary very carefully not looking at the phonetic transcription. The shape of it haunts you in your sleep. You wake up face damp with tears, a bitter taste on your tongue. The clock blinks 3:03AM. You do not dare look up that word again.

This word means the same thing in the five slavic languages you’re familiar with. You use it in the sixth one. That word does not exist in this language. It never did. There is now a word-shaped void in the fabric of this language. The natives look at you uneasily. There is a new quality to the silence and your palms start to sweat.

H is not H. H is not H. H is not H. H is not H.

One day you flip through your dictionary. A page is missing. What was the word? You can’t remember. There is pressure building at the back of your head. The clock blinks 3:03AM.

You write my name is in cyrillic. There are shadows dancing on the walls. They grow longer with each letter you write down. It is not cyrillic you’re using. You keep writing my name is. The shadows now bleed from the tip of your pen. It’s irrelevant. You need to remember the right letters.

N is not N is not N is not N is not N is not N is not N is not N is not N is not N is not N is not… If only you could remember the letters. The letters are important. What was it, that wasn’t N?

There are nine different prefixes you can add to a verb to change its meaning. There are fifty three different suffixes you have to add to a verb to make it work. In the end the only thing left of the original is a vague shape of one of its middle consonants. You can feel the anguish radiating from the verb’s mutialted form. A desperate sob escapes through your clenched teeth. You’re so, so sorry, you didn’t meant to. You didn’t. It doesn’t matter.

You now read a text in Russian. You’ve never learnt Russian. Why are you reading that text? The words burn your eyes, the meaning searing your mind.

There’s a shot of vodka in front of you. You don’t drink alcohol. You don’t care. All existence is meaningless, your soul’s in eternal pain. A broken matrioshka lays at your feet. There is no salvation, she says boring into your eyes. You open your mouth to answer, but there is only a burst of harsh rustle. It dies in whispering echoes a moment later. Your glass is empty again.

3

damn capes always getting in the way of memes!

I knew that look dear
Eyes always seeking
Was there in someone
That dug long ago
So I will not ask you
Why you were creeping
In some sad way I already know

So I will not ask you where you came from 

I would not ask, and neither would you

Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips 

We should just kiss like real people do~

Hozier’s Like Real People Do played through my head the whole time I read this scene 

This is it. this is the scene that wrecked me. I haven’t even finished reading this fic…. 


Bonus: 

i haven’t finished me:a yet - and i will! i want to know the rest of the story. but this game has already burned me way too many times. i’m sorry i can’t be more positive - trust me, i tried, i have been holding out hope despite every shitty thing that happens and all the garbage i see, but… i just can’t do it anymore.

bioware is supposed to care about this. this is what they’re known for.

i cant wait for dnp to get married and make a golden future for themselves just… lying in bed wrapped in soft blankets and love warmer than anything listening to quiet music and watching the clouds move by their window bc they have to be floating at this point..

You are right here with me, but I can no longer see you. Here you are, laughing with me, but I can no longer feel your presence. You are just a breath away, but it feels like we are worlds apart.
—  Lukas W. // So close to me, yet so far
3

oh heck idk what this is trash heap son dark captain edgelord mcgee heck what an angle

click for better detail i guess and don’t repost as ur own/remove the caption lol

4

aight so. headcanon where lance develops a habit of going through his family’s birthdays and names so he won’t forget anything. he mumbles on the way to breakfast sometimes, or when they’re about to train. sometimes before they go to battle, even. keith hears him mumbling a lot. he doesn’t know who they are, not really. he’s smart enough to figure out that they matter to lance though, and so he listens, even if lance is just talking to himself. lance does it so often that keith memorizes it too.

one day lance is mumbling, which is fine and good, and keith knows how this goes, until lance forgets. so keith helps him out, and it’s a good moment. a nice moment. they don’t talk about it again, not really, but it gives lance some ease to know that somebody’s listening. somebody knows. somebody can remember if he forgets again.

he’s glad it’s keith.

3

SNUPER(스누퍼) 4th Mini Album ‘I Wanna?’ DOUBLE IMAGE

Negan/Rick Fic List

(Last Updated: April 28, 2017)

List of fics I personally loved. Made this so it’s easier for me to find them. Prolly the closest thing to a fic rec list I can do (I’M SORRY)…

Chaptered (Complete):

Chaptered (Ongoing):

  • All the Hallowed Roads -If Negan met Rick in TWD season 1 
  • Excess -Negan coerces Rick into marrying him amongst other things (PRETTY DARK.)
  • Ready for Another Life -canonverse!Rick wakes up in an AU where he’s been in a relationship with Negan for years (SAD STUFF AHEAD) 
  • Bloodsport -Negan asks Rick to marry him (the Sanctuary/Savior characters as the supporting cast)
  • The New World Order -if Rick met Negan in TWD season 2 (Negan’s already with The Saviors) 
  • Your Body’s Borders -If Negan was with Abe’s group, and happens upon Rick who seems extremely troubled post-Terminus
  • hallelujah -AU Rick picks up a mysterious hitchhiker (Non-con, VERY VERY DARK and violent)
  • Red riding hood and the big bad wolf -Childhood friends AU
  • All Roads Lead to Terminus -If Negan was in a different group searching for Terminus and ends up defending Rick’s group/the prison from the Governor’s attack
  • Heart In A Blender -AU friends to lovers
  • The Delegation of Power -Simon takes an interest in Rick, handling things a little differently when Negan’s not around (Non-con)
  • Parallax -AU Sci-fi, Rick and Negan are part of a crew sent to investigate a distant planet, which their ship crash lands in. Stuck, they have to work together to survive and find a way out

Oneshots:

Fic Collections/Answered Prompts:

By @hatterized​ :

By @neganstonguething​ :

By @psychosexualnegan

By @ocegion 

“One shot where Rick is saved by Negan after he stops breathing and it’s hella awkward.” (I see what you did there anon ;D )

That’s it for now. There are other fics that I’m interested in and currently following, but I’m still waiting to see how they go and how I feel about them??? So I won’t add them here for now… Will be constantly updating this post I guess.

when u’ve wanted to start t for years but needles + puberty all over again + gross boobs from fat redistribution + too much face/body hair + the permanence of it all + everything else that could go wrong terrify you

8

…I wonder if that was actually a good decision to make there, Kuroo

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Terms and Conditons. (Jeon Jungkook.)

Originally posted by jeony

Requested – Yes.

Prompt – Jungkook was out looking for a new flavor of the month and his eyes land on a certain previously taken girl.

Warning – This is a sugar daddy Jungkook scenario. Slight angst, more angst in the future and smut. This smut includes daddy kink.

Words – 2,259. 

Requests?

The energy was heightened as groups of individuals danced around the large ballroom held for an extravagant party. Jeon Jungkook was known to be quite a party planner when it came to his business because he always wanted to make a strong entrance plus he wanted to impress the girls that might be lucky enough to land in his bed that night.

Keep reading

I love you. If I can find you, I will. If not, stay alive.

critrole relationship week day 1: Zahra and Vex

I got very carried away with this and made it gigantic on accident, so starting the week off with a bang I guess. I was just going to do a doodle of this scene and then it got much more involved haha. I seriously doubt  I’m going to have time to do anything like this the rest of the week so this one’s special.

AAAAA I!Naturetale Ara boiii- to much detail oh my gosh what have I done

Naturetale @lavender-sans (no tag bc likeee, eeh)

I guess when he does this stuff, the wholeee new-au-new-look stuff, he gets some new abilities. Like heeeeere he can control vines and stuff