i jsut did

Holy hell did I jsut write a fanfic?¿

You told him he had nothing to worry about at all, that the problems we have look worse at night than they do in the morning, always. We  wake up warm and confused remembering faintly the reason we kept ourselves up at 4am to sleep in to quarter to noon. As we collect ourselves we start to feel happily stupid for getting so riled up on old “thought traps” that can consume us for whole nights and shit us into late mornings feeling sheepishly gullible for falling into them once again. Happily stupid in the sunlight, a whole day ahead of you with the promise of people you know, classes you can’t be late for, things to get done, sanity. Sanity in the sunlight spaced out by a few hours of dreaming. Everyone gets like that sometimes. 

You walk him through the irrationality of it all and he sits somewhat rigidly on the end of your bed, eyes still and unblinking, not looking altogether convinced.

“Cmon, what’s the saner explanation here–that you wandered into town at, what, 3am, murdered a homeless man in cold blood, or that you dreamt you did.“ 

“It just all seemed so real.” He said almost as a single word spat through the tension in his teeth. 

He pulls out a cigarette and you lean over to crack the window. You glance at the alarm clock, 5am. His cigarette is too rain-soaked to light so he moves slowly as he tucks his lighter back in his coat. You notice how much his hands are shaking as he brushes some fallen hair out of his eyes. You draw the shades and get a new look at his face. Covered in a greasy sheen that glinted back the blue cast of the moonlight. Damn, he’s really got himself worked up. He really thinks he something bad. You know Roman, you know he was always a little high-strung, a little lost in his own world and singled out by a weird, antisocial upbringing. So the fact that he would come crying to you at this ungodly hour on a school night wasn’t what was crazy about this situation. After all, you were probably closer to him than anyone at your high school, for all you knew. What made this situation crazy was that look on his face, the quivering tension in his neck, the steel in his eyes making him look almost catatonic. That and the ridiculousness of what he was worried about in the first place–murder. Not just murder, but that he sucked someone’s goddamn blood dry in some semi-conscious dream frenzy. You wouldn’t just not remember something like that. Something like that you either did or didn’t do, not much room for grey area. 

He would feel stupid and defensive about this whole episode tomorrow at school. Just a couple hours of sleep and he’ll see this whole thing for as crazy as it is. 

“Why don’t you lie down. Take your shoes off at least, I’ll drive you to school tomorrow."  

His unresponsiveness was growing eerier each minute he kept it up. You laugh and slide off the bed to undo his shoes. You can already tell you’re going to be laughing this off for a while, and yes, 100% at his expense–he’s too much of a lofty jackass to even try to play good sport. You’re working the knot of his second shoe when you look up at his face, really seeing him head-on in the light of the window clearer than you had earlier when he showed up on your porch, hunched and speaking uncharacteristically quiet, soaked in rain (without a car for some reason?) God he really did look like shit, didn’t he.

It crosses your mind that he may very well be riding out some coked-out panic or ill-fated acid trip. You wonder if he’ll actually be able to sleep at all. It’s too dark to play detective mom and try to gage the size of his pupils. But knowing Roman, you smirk, content with the soundness of this explanation. You’ve partied with him before, you know he can usually handle his shit but nobody was beyond the risk of a cold hard freakout now and again. And Roman being Roman, he was unpredictable. High strung. 

"Come lay down. Jeez, you’re shaking. Put it out of your mind and come–”

His mouth was red. Some kind of residue–lipstick? Spot of drool catching the light of the alarm clock? Chocolate for fuck’s sake? 

Don’t you go and freak him out. Now just calm the fuck down and don’t try to scare him. You’re the sane one here right now, remember? Is that blood? 

“–come… uh lay next to me. This’ll all seem so…so stupid in the morning." 

You’re no actress and he’s no idiot. He faces you slowly, turns his eyes up to meet your gaze, sees that little knit in your brow that made you look a little less convinced, not so sure anymore. Where did that little smirk go? Horrible stillness passes through you both. His stare seems to hold you down as he leans his body in toward you. The insane reality of exactly what he had been up to just hours before seemed to fall on both of you with a sick, heavy thud. He looked as scared as you, but Roman’s version of fear and embarrassment often took a complicated route out of his brain that turned it into something closer to anger. It made him pissy, neurotic, a little scary. He moved slowly edging closer, random muscles in his face straining rabidly, eyes still seeming to hold your back firm against the headboard where you sat. They held you there as you watched him drink deep breaths through his nose, pulling in the poison vapor of this would-be dream–a big bad stupid dream is all this should be. Oh god come on–murder?? The ferocity of his breathing, sucking in through the nose, out through the mouth, shook his thin frame and made you think back to some wild nights out when he’d pick you up in his car, comically teen-dream red, and drive you long into the night. And pretty soon you were tapping into his unending supply of coke, his body hunched over the glass table, a snipped straw in one nostril, finger over the other, hair hanging down messing up a couple lines. That deep, loud sucking sound of air through the nose, and his body slamming back against the couch, eyes closed, thick cables in his neck flexing in the rush of the white hot chemical orgasm that turned his face sweaty red. He’d take a slug of whiskey chaser right from the bottle and then look at you, slack jawed, starry eyed, leaning in slowly to eat you whole. 

"Don’t move, don’t move..”, he now spoke out of the back of his throat in a way that cracked unsteadily, “Don’t move…stay right where you are,” Moving closer still and breathing thickly through the nose, out the mouth, over and over, now close enough to grace your skin with hot air. You watch a drop of blood fall from his nose and hit the sheets audibly. You really can’t move. Oh my god you really can’t move at all. You throw out a pitiful, groping, Hail-Mary thought that Roman was still the same old stupid, innocent Roman, that he had dreamt this all. That he had staggered to your house, passing through town, in the rain, on some coked-out meltdown. Murder. No way. No fucking way, we were too young, Roman was too rich. This was not a dream and people don’t kill people by sucking their blood. 

His face was now inches from yours and shaking beads of sweat and drool onto your lap. What was on and around his mouth was blood. And this was the face of a kid–a man sinking into his first night as a murderer…a cannibal. An actual fucking monster. 

He extended a long-fingered hand slowly, slowly up to brush a lock of hair from his forehead and then wraps his fingers, trembling sickly, around your neck. You feel the slickness of the sweat and rain under his thumb as he slides it, ever so gently, up and down, up and down your jugular. 

“Now you’re going to tell me how ugly I am, okay?" 


Happy halloween fuck you


i spent like 45 in-game minutes laying out a minefield bc i was gonna talk ulysses down and wanted fewer marked men to deal with

and he just stood there, looking dramatic, the entire time

and two days later i still cant stop thinking about it, like, imagine having to stand there for forty five minutes while Some Asshole does God Knows What behind you, and you CANT TURN AROUND bc that would RUIN the DRAMA

Well since the anime ended and he got a lot of screentime comparatively, here’s some commemorative art of these dopey kiddos whom I still adore even if it’s been a while since i drew them :3c

i started thinking about vixx au’s most of them are hotmess and involve drinking ken’s has mentions of blood/fights and hyuk’s is like mild nsfw idk just take them off my hands u guys  

  • au where you meet high fashion designer hakyeon at a celebration party for his debut collection because you’re one of the bartenders on duty at the club he and his friends chose. you think he’s absolutely stunning so when he orders a drink from you you accidentally end up over-pouring the cup and making an embarrassment out of yourself. his friends laugh but hakyeon just watches you and once you give him the drink you run to the other end of the bar to save face. for some reason everytime you look up you catch hakyeon from across the room illuminated by the clubs neon lights staring at you over his drink. you think he’s just probably making fun of you because of your clumsiness but like as his friends get more intoxicated and like passout in the back or wander off with girls hakyeon comes up to the bar again and asks you if you’ve ever modeled before. you sorta get nervous because wow he’s gorgeous but also you don’t know why he’s asking you that so you timidly shake your head and he slips you a card with his name on it and you’re like wait - you’re a designer??? and he’s like when i see someone beautiful im inspired and he just sorta lets his fingers linger on your wrist and he leans over the bars counter to like fix a strand of your hair before telling you to call him and he disappears into the crowd and you’re like,,,,holy frick
  • au where ken gets into a nasty fight on the streets with some drunken asshole and he’s getting his ass kicked and you’re just like walking down the street with the ice-cream you bought from the 24/7 gas station and then you see this dude like getting pummeled and you’re like i should not get involved but then u have like a conscience and so you start running towards the two fighting dudes and you scream like there’s a fire and the one beating the other one up makes a run for it or something like work with me here and you like squat down next to ken whose all bruised and bloody and he’s like “f-fire??” and you’re like “i lied, can you feel your face bro???” and he starts LAUGHINg like getting your ass kicked in the middle of the night is the funniest thing ever and you like shrug off your hoodie and let him use it to stop the blessing from his nose and he’s like “yo thanks so much” and you’re like “its chill why were you fighting that guy??” and ken just shrugs like “he said that my hair was ugly so i had to argue because like look at my hair it’s gr8″ and u touch it like yeah its soft and ken’s like im gonna get off the floor now and when he gets up ur like frick he’s tall and ok wow cute???? even with u know blood all over his face lmfao this is how u 2 meet 
  • au where leo and you work at some boring business firm but the ceo decides everyone is going to dinner and then karaoke and u and leo are like shit we wanted to go home early but ofc u have to go so like u two sit next to each other at the table at dinner and the boss is getting drunk and then before you know it everyones ordering rounds and you’re getting dizzy and leo is undoing his tie and then once u all stumble into the little karaoke place someone looked up on their phone you notice how small the room is and there’s like 20 people in this room and you have nowhere to sit and then like out OF NOwhERE leo just pulls you into his lap and ur like !!!!!! and he’s like drunk his head falls into the crook of your neck and he’s like “its loud let me stay here you’re warm” and ur like ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, is drunk leo cuddly leo and u find out that yes. YES he is. bonus: the ceo sees you two and makes fun of u for being a couple the next day at work and leo gets super red in the face
  • au where you’re an extra for one of hongbin’s drama filmings and when the filming ends everyone goes out because the director is paying for chicken and like u can have chicken without beer and hongbin has ONE beer but his tolerance level is as shallow as a puddles so at the end hongbin who is tired and tipsy accidentally mistakes you for his manager because ur wearing the same jacket and he’s like “can u take me home” and you’re like “your manager is over there” but he refuses to believe you and he’s just like insisting ur his manager and he steps close and is just like its cold,,,,take me to the car,,,, and he has hazy eyes and he looks up at you like “u got a lot prettier ,,,,,,,  u know that?” and ur like oh my god im not ur manager but also hongbin just called you pretty and he’s like suddenly trying to like put his arms around you for a hug because he’s cold and whiny and ur like ok i will hug u buT I am NOT UR manaGER 
  • au where ravi is a tattoo designer and you come in tipsy with your friend giggling and your friend is like “they want a heart on their hip” and ravi is looking at you like “are you sure, you look like you’ve drank a bit” and you’re like “i AM  sober” (you’re not) and you slam down cash on the counter like “one heart tattoo” and your friend is like cheering you on and ravi is like this is a bad idea so he like carefully takes your hand and leads you to the back where he does the tattoos but while you sit in the chair he’s just like “listen, a tattoo is a lifelong thing. you don’t wanna wake up regretting it” and you’re like looking at him with a smile like “i won’t! especially if it’s a tattoo done by someone cute like you” and ravi just,,,,his heart skips a beat but he’s also sweating because he should probably talk you out of this but tbh he shows you the needle and you’re like WAIT no ….. nvm and he’s like ok thank god but ur also like can i sleep in this chair it’s comfy and i feel all tired and he’s like “i don’t think-” but ur dozing off and one) u look cute all sleepy ur mouth a little open and two) ravi is too soft to wake u up so he goes out and tells ur friend u fell asleep and he’s like ??? should i carry them out if u call a taxi and the friends like good idea and u know he comes back and sorta shyly like hoists you up into his arms and ok wow ur so pretty close up but he’s like can’t think about that as he walks out with u and tbh this friend in this au is me and im taking a photo secretly of him holding u like that so when u sober up i can be like u should go back to see this cute tattoo artist look yall look so cute im a little shit what can i say
  • au where hyuk thinks playing strip poker is the best idea he’s ever had and tbh you refuse until after hyuk and u like open up a bottle of wine and from then on in you’re all for it and at first it’s funny because his shirt comes off, you take off your socks, he takes off his rings and then u like shrug off ur sweater but like the more u play the less clothes there is and hyuk is honestly competitive but at this point screw the game he just throws his cards over his shoulder knock over the bottle with the wine and like tackles u to the carpet and is like “u look hot this was the best idea ever” and ur like ok u look hot too let’s do this lmfao

luv me some gay space robots………