aight i just woke up from a flu-induced fever dream so humor me a lil : fahc circus au
somehow a competent new hire at the LSPD gets the jump on them and burns through their assets - aliases, safehouses, everything the police have ever needed to track them down. B team manages to catch wind of it minutes before the sirens start to blare so geoff just shoves everyone into one of the lowkey getaway cars and tells jack to drive drive drive
there’s nowhere safe for miles but geoff knows a guy of course he knows a guy and suddenly they find themselves a few towns over, pulling up to a massive compound of red and white-striped tents.
(michael’s furious. “you’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.” “you got a better idea?” “…” “that’s what i thought. dick.”)
they can’t stay for free, though. geoff’s “contact” ends up being the ex-con that owns the traveling circus, and no one’s about to argue with a 230-lb bodybuilder wearing a unitard. B team’s frozen their accounts and they need new aliases anyway, so the troupe ends up with six reluctant recruits.
jeremy’s pumped as fuck. y'all already know what he gets assigned. within hours he’s bouncing on the trampoline, doing flips and flirting with the trapeze artists on every jump. no one knows how he’s hidden his AP pistol within his leotard but he promises it’s there. trust him. it’s there.
jack’s a quick learn with a few years of high school color guard experience, so she’s delagated to the baton twirling team. they put her in a sparkly tutu and roller skates, and the first thing she does is figure out how to hide grenades inside her space buns.
michael is not happy. michael thinks this is the stupidest idea geoff’s ever come up with, and that’s saying something. fortunately, the resident knife thrower is on paternity leave for a few weeks and michael gets tapped to fill in - with gavin as his unwilling lovely assistant. michael is considerably less unhappy.
geoff’s a magician. obviously. he straps a machine pistol underneath the rabbit cage.
(“wot?? how come you get to be a magician and i get bloody knives chucked at me??” “um excuse me have you seen my mustache? i’m like the perfect magician.”)
(“yeah gavin, i mean we already know he’s great at the dissapearing act. you ever see him at the fucking penthouse?” “i can still fire you, jeremy.” “right, sorry.”)
and then there’s ryan. ryan, who hasn’t said a word since they left los santos. ryan, who pulled his mask off when they arrived to raise one eyebrow at geoff. ryan, who stares stoically back at geoff’s guy as he scrutinizes his smudged face paint with narrowed eyes.
ryan, who gets assigned to be a clown.
(geoff is in hysterics. “a clown - this scary motherfucker - are you fucking serious - oh my god-”)
but then ryan is actually good at it??? he smiles and pratfalls and makes balloon animals like a Goddamn Champ and the kids fucking love him. the rest of the crew are dumbfounded every time this six-foot serial killer ambles out of the clown car, face covered in yellow and blue instead of red and black.
(and then three weeks later the cops finally show up. ryan pulls out a fucking sawed-off shotgun in the middle of a show and suddenly every single kid’s fear of clowns is inarguably justified.)
The player Neymar Jr, accompanied by his father and agent, has informed FC Barcelona this morning of his decision to leave the Club in a meeting held at the Club’s offices. The Club refer to the buy-out clause of his existing contract which as of 1 July totals 222 million euros.
Goodbye and good luck Neymar! Thanks for 4 years in FC Barcelona!