i instantly feel better

And I know I say I’m over you, but I’m really not. I would like to think I am so I think if I keep reminding myself that I am over you, and that I’m happy without you one day I’ll believe it. But in reality I’m not over you and I miss you so much. I miss your cute lil texts, I miss your adorable smile, and laugh. I miss our stupid little fights when we’d get jealous over stupid little things and I just really miss being able to call you mine. And to be able to hold you, and kiss you, and cuddle you, whenever my heart desires. I miss being able to call you when I’m having a bad day because I know you’ll instantly make me feel better. I miss coming to you for advice on things and I miss getting the best advice from you. I miss telling you about my day, and everything that happened in my day. I just fucking miss you and there’s nothing I can do but sit here and cry I know but God damn I want you back so fucking bad and let me tell you I would do anything to have you back, but you’re happy and that’s all I’ve ever wanted for you. So if you’re happier without me I’ll get over it one day. It won’t be anytime soon, but eventually I will be okay and I’ll be able to smile and actually mean it.
—  I fucking miss you, but you don’t care

Dear @taylorswift 💗
Hi T, it’s Juli! I hope you are doing good, I miss hearing from you on here💗 I just wanted to say that I love you and even though we’ve never met and you may have no idea who I am, I hope you know how much you mean to me and how much of a light you’ve been in my life for the last (almost) 9 years. You’re the best friend whose stuck with me all these years, and never left. Whenever I’m feeling sad and alone, I listen to your music or watch your videos on YouTube and it instantly makes me feel better. I know you don’t post online much anymore but when you do, no matter what it is, it makes me smile just hearing from you. I’m sorry that I’ve never been able to come to any of your shows…but I want you to know that my family and I have never given up trying to get tickets and we won’t ever give up. I love you too much to ever give up and I have to hold on to the hope that someday I might actually get to be in the same concert arena as you and hear your actual voice in real life for the first time. I know that day will be the best day of my life and I can’t wait. You make me feel like I’m not alone and even though I still feel completely lost and have no idea what I’m doing with my life, you’ve helped me and continue to help me through it everyday. I hope you know that you’ll always have me on your team, and I also hope you always remember how beautiful you are inside and out, even when you’re having a bad day💗 You are my sunshine, T, and I love you so much. Sending love and hugs from CT!

xoxo Juli

I have no birbs yet, but this is my cat Cookie. She had this face when she was staring at one of the other cats, Catface. She tried to pounce, but Catface bit Cookie’s butt first. She farted instantly in defense. (I hope you feel better soon!) - @tamagetcha

CATFACE! Omg have you seen those super weird catface videos? I get the theme song stuck in my head all the time and I always replace the words with other things

I really wish I could translate a word in Portuguese to English in a way that it would have the same meaning. When I thought of this it instantly made me feel better about Nick saying he’s in love. I think I finally understand what an anon said to me the other day. When I first automatically translated the “I’m in love” thing in my head I thought of literally “I love Reagan”. BUT in Portuguese there’s a difference between really loving someone and “estar apaixonado”, which is the expression I can’t properly translate but that I think is what Nick meant. “Estar apaixonado” would be something between an infatuation and love. It’s very intense, you really like the person, almost love them but yet you don’t, and it goes away soon. It doesn’t survive all the bumps in the road that every relationship has. It’s more shallow than love. It’s not a lasting feeling like love is. Most of the times it is more intense but not as pure, it’s more of a “heat of the moment” thing.

If I had to use some example I’d make a comparison between a relationship between teenagers and an adult relationship. Teenagers usually feel things in an intense way, they feel it a lot, but it’s not something that lasts. It carries a lot of passion but eventually goes away, while adults usually look more for that person that gives you comfort and that you see yourself next to for the rest of your life. Even if things aren’t as passionate or intense, it is still a very strong (way stronger than the teenager-y feeling), pure and almost eternal thing. It’s real love.

IMO, Nick and Jess had both of these in one, and that can be rare to find. With Reagan he definitely doesn’t have nothing like what I described as pure love. They’re miles away from this. I hope soon we can see stuff coming from him again, hints that show how he really feels. Meanwhile, this internal conversation and struggle with Portuguese/English translations is helping me deal with it. I still don’t like the scenes in Operation Bobcat but they’re not as bad to me now.

remember how we kept annoying the glee writers so hard that they eventually caved and made santana a lesbian?

it’s been years and when I’m in a bad mood I can still watch clips or read quotes in which she destroys someone, and I instantly feel better

she’s like the patron of mean, angry dykes who always get their due

Marianas Trench is the most amazing band and best group of people ever. Earlier today I was feeling like shit and seriously considering hurting myself. But I just put on a Marianas song and instantly started feeling better. Then I got to watch the wdyl music video and it is helping me even more. I just need to thank them for saving my life and being the only people guaranteed to bring me some joy. ❤️