i imagined this post like 2 months ago and only just now got myself to make it

Day 1: My room turned into a ocean. I swear I found fishes and sharks swarming into my lungs. Or maybe that was the remains of you trying not to escape but desperately needing to
Day 2: You weren’t at school today and I should’ve been happy, I was more sad
Day 3: I thought I was ready to move on, then I saw you with her.
Day 4: We haven’t spoken in days now. My mind thinks its being shoved off a cliff.
Day 5: I wish it would just hit the bottom
Day 6: This will be the first weekend we dont hang out. I know you’ll be seeing her and I know youll be smiling without me. I’m trying hard to learn how to too
Day 7: I asked you for help on a history assignment and you replied with “Ask Amber im busy”. I texted back: “Tell Emma I said hi”
Day 8: You posted a video with her on the only social media site you have. When I saw it I erupted. I spewed lava every where, oh god its every where
Day 9: My mom made me sleep next to her on the couch. She was afraid I would try and do something like I did two years ago when another guy tore up my heart. I actually had thought about it
Day 10: I slept in your sweatshirt one last time so i can feel myself engulfed in you. I know you wanted them back so I had to feel you and smell you one last time.
Day 11: I gave you all of your stuff back and you thought I looked like a warrior but really I went home and tried getting you out of my bloodstream
Day 12: when will my eyes stop flowing?
Day 13: I snuck out with a boy and smoked weed on his couch. He talked about love and how much it hurt. I only pictured you.
Day 14: I woke up next to that same boy and I woke up screaming. The boy was worried and confused but I knew why I screamed. I imagined you laying with another girl on your couch. I ran out of his house so fast you’d think Id be better at running from you.
Day 15: Its spring break and im with my best friend and your with her and i swear i can feel you tracing her spine the way you used to trace mine
Day 16: I ignored your birthday and it felt worse than the puking i did that night
Day 17: Im treading icy water while you’re swimming away from me, I guess I just hope you’ll loop around and find your way back to the shattered, but still there, us
Day 18: I don’t remember the sound of your voice I don’t remember the color of your eyes I don’t remember your the taste of your lips
Day19: No amount of screaming gets your name out of my head
Day 20: I got on a plane today and when we took off I swear i almost walked to the door and started flying
Day 21: They say it takes 21 days fo break a habit but I think I just manage to fall more in love with a greedy monster
Day 22: I saw you today and wished you a happy late birthday and promised we’d watch the third Hobbit together. I’m beginning to hate myself more
Day 23: Its the end of the month maybe next month won’t be filled with thoughts of you and killing myself. i think im beginning to be over you
Day 24: april fools
Day 25: i think i understand now. when you first told me you loved me your mouth curled up on the edges, two days before you left when i gave my bare self to you your mouth was a straight line when saying i love you
Day 26: if you’re trying to kill me its working
Day 27: i woke up this morning to my blankets and pillows piled in a corner in my room. its something s ghost would do to make his presence known. im haunting myself. or maybe its the ghost of us tsking over my body
Day 28: its almost been a month since you told me it was never me. i almost texted you happy easter but i saw those text messages and just got angry
Day 29: I hate that you act like you didnt break my heart. i hate that you think im fine that im not writing a shit poem sbout your shit personality
Day 30: thirty days since you’ve wanted me. thirty days since i told you i love you. thirty days since you’ve slipped from my fingers. i tried catching you. you’ve been gone far too long. thirty days is too long
Day 31: i had a nightmare last night about you. you told me you loved me and kissed my forehead. i woke up breathing heavily and shaking. i want you out of my life
Day 32: running on no sleep isn’t fun
Day 33: ive been awake for over 50 hours in fear that ill see you in my dreams again. i cant risk that. it hurts so much. get out of my head
Day 34: my mother told me that love will do this. that its cruel and torturous and breaks you into such little pieces not even yourself can pick up all the pieces. you know where they all are, please come back and pick them up
Day 35: i talked to another guy last night we stayed up late and he asked me questions about you. we were sober so it wasn’t easy spitting up vowels and similies and euphemisms explaining the empty feeling in my chest after you left
Day 36: fuck if i stopped seeing you everyday i swear id be over you.
Day 37: my knee didnt touch your leg like it used it i promise i didnt do that fuck
Day 38: you told me that the wrinkles on my leg bothered you when i sat down. thats not what you said when we were trying not to get caught in the back of your car
Day 39: you told me you’d take me to prom and in two days itll just be another day you promised to spend with me. its funny how our plans turned to dust in a matter of seconds after cleaning
Day 40: the thunderstorm of us was inside of you and maybe that why it felt so close. i keep counting the seconds between the boom and light hoping you arent moving away buy i fear that you are already letting others feel your storm. the plants you grew are dying. maybe you should come back to water them
Day 41: ten days since its been a month since you left. i cried at prom because all i could look for in the crowd was you.
Day 42: i got so drunk all i could see was your face. the guy i fucked kept telling me his name wasn’t yours. i just screamed and cried because you’re all i still think about despite your efforts to continue to push me away
Day 43: i should be getting high today but if i do ill just write more and think more about a guy who will never care
Day 44: i think im trying to gain feelings for someone else because it’ll make moving on from you easier. im afraid to write that it hasnt
Day 45: you traces my leg like you used to. it was like dandelion tea. it made my insides fill with happiness. you’re my yellow paint.
Day 46: Van Gogh used to eat yellow paint because he thought it would put happiness inside him. He would consume it everyday in the hopes that it would bring his sadness to rest despite the fact that it could kill him first. i gues you were my yellow paint emphasis on the were. see im not going to write about you anymore, because when i write you down im under the impression that you’ll stay with the words but you don’t. this is the last sentence I’ll ever write about you

You’ll Be Mine - Yondu x Reader

Ok, so of course I wrote this right after coming home from see Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 last night. It’s the first fic I’ve posted online and it’s in first person and I know the formatting and grammar isn’t perfect but please bare with me… I hope you guys like it.

Warning - smut

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Different Kind of Punishment.

Summary;Y/N get’s detention for not doing her homework again but Mr.Hemming’s has a different kind of punishment for her. 

word count;800 

Message me if you would like part 2! 

Part 2 will contain sex just a little warning! 

I hope you enjoy this, i had this in my notes and decided i would post it

Y/N Pov

i knew getting involved with him was a bad idea but now i can’t help it.

it was never meant to be like this.

I got detention, nothing knew there.

But something changed, he didn’t look at me the same. I thought something was up with him but i never thought having sex with him would change everything.

I am in love with my teacher and there is nothing i can do about it.

He ignores me every chance he can get and he asked if i could transfer English class.

it’s not fair,but he’s married.

his words to me that night were “i love my wife, i want to make it work”

i never expected it to happen like it did, but who knew detention would lead to having an affair for 4 months with a teacher, a married teacher.

The sex was great, better than i had ever had.

i’m 17 years old and have had 3 boyfriends in high school so i wasn’t a stranger to sex, i have had it plently of times but i never had that feeling i had when i was with him.

nobody knows about not even my best friend Lucy. She would freak out if she knew,she had a crush on him but i never really did until that day.

it has been really hard not having anyone to talk to, i could talk to him but he won’t talk to me.

Yesterday at School just as the bell rang for home time i saw her, his wife. She’s beautiful, everything i wish i was. She has long blonde hair, the body and the face. No wonder he loves her, no wonder he want’s to be with her over me.

They were high school sweethearts he told me, he had the biggest crush on her since Sophomore when he was at school, he talked about her like he still had a crush on her.

It broke my heart, but it was my fault for asking him about her.

Things haven’t been working out in his marriage the last couple of months, anyone could see that at school. He wasn’t himself, always arriving late to class, clothes not ironed and he looked angry like he had just been arguing with someone. Which was probably his wife.

I guess that’s why we kept having sex for four months, i was his escape.

he made me feel special. Yes the sex was rough but sweet.

I really thought he liked me, i remember the first time.

4 Months ago..

It happened on a Wednesday but days before i could tell something was up with him. He stared at me more than he should have, when he passed my table i could feel his hands touch me longer than it should have.

By Wednesday.. i was convinced maybe he liked me but i thought it was just my crazy thinking.

I got to class early because i wanted to see him,it was quiet when i walked in. Mr. Hemmings was just going through some marking when i entered. He looked up and then looked down not saying anything, i thought nothing of it and then i just sat down on my seat.

“Well looks like i’m the first one here again” I mumbled to myself as i tilted my head slightly hoping to get a reaction from him or even a sound.

“SHUT UP” Luke shouted dropping his marking on the table making them spread all of it and fall onto the ground.

He walked around his table angrily over to me, i thought he was going to shout at me but next thing i know his hands are on my waist pulling me up to stand on my feet.

everything happened so quick. i didn’t have time to think or to even breathe and then he spoke

“You need to shut up you prick teasing little bitch”

i was so shocked by his words..

I never thought he would ever speak to me like that and the tone he used aswell shocked me more than anything,but i couldn’t help but feel turned on. It wasn’t a tone he would use when he was shouting at a pupil in class, it was like a dominant voice.

But how am i a prick teasing little bitch? I don’t walk around with my skirt up to my arse, i don’t unbutton my top for him in class, i’m just a normal pupil.

What have i done?

i was about to speak to try and calm him down but he spoke again “ You’re going to listen to me and not speak. The rules are;

Rule 1;You only answer with Yes Sir, No Sir"

Rule 2;Don’t ever call me by my name”

and Rule 3;Never speak of this to anyone"

“Do you understand Y/N” he said

“Ye sir” i spoke.

What is he going to do now..


So guys i hope you liked this, i wrote this ages ago so i’m sorry if it’s shit!

I was going to write the smut part and then post it but i’m going to see if you guys like it or not first. 

Message me or comment if you would like me to continue this. 

Until next time 

thankyou 

Love Morgan xxxxxx

Why Being Boring is Awesome

In his advice book for creatives (Steal like an Artist), Austin Kleon has a chapter titled, “Be Boring.”

“Be boring,” Kleon says. “It’s the only way anything gets done.”

“I’m a boring guy,” he goes on, “with a nine-to-five job in a quiet neighborhood with his wife and his dog.”

Like Kleon, I’m a boring person. I do the exact same thing every day or every week. I haven’t been on a trip that wasn’t writing related in years. I almost never miss a day of work. Saturday mornings I work on my blog and every Sunday I go to church. It’s a good thing I’m a Hufflepuff, because I have the tenacity of a rock.

But things get done. (And money gets saved.)

Once in a while, I get messages from people online that go something like this:

Wow! I’ve read all the things you’ve done and what you are doing now, and all I can say is that I wish I were you and doing what you are doing!

I’m always flattered of course and appreciate each and every one of them.

But all the “cool” stuff other people see lasts about a second. They’re cool, so I share them. But most days I’m hunched over a computer for 7-8 hours. On weekdays I literally talk to 2-3 different people (I don’t have coworkers). To many people who look at me and my lifestyle, I appear utterly boring. In fact, to many outsiders, I give off the false appearance of utter stagnation. (And trust me, some of them let me know.)

I have a friend who is always out on adventures. It’s great. If he had any idea how boring I am, he might have different thoughts about our friendship …

But being boring can be awesome. Just as canyons are slowly carved out day after day, year after year, so is any “boring” productive thing you do strengthened and refined day after day, year after year.

I remember when I started blogging years ago, I looked at my friends’ blogs that were about 5 years old at the time and was a bit envious of their followers, commenters, and big backlogs. Many of those friends have moved onto other things, and that’s great. Strangely, soon my blog will be as old as theirs were at that time. Now I have my own followers, commenters, and a big backlog. Week by week this place has grown. When I began, I could hardly imagine writing so many posts. It felt so far away. But by being boring (read: consistent), week after week, it got there.

The same is true of any small, productive thing we do consistently. I’ve been doing yoga almost every day this year. I only do it for 20-30 minutes, and I don’t even leave home. I just follow yoga instructors on Youtube. Watching some of them, I feel a little envious of their flexibility and mobility. But no one got to that point overnight. Day after day, year after year, they were consistent.

I’m sure people come up to them, and say, “Wow! I wish I could do what you could do!” And the truth is, most of them can–if they are willing to put in the few minutes regularly, week after week, year after year. But often when people make such comments, they don’t fully fathom the patience, work, and tenacity it took to get there, which are all “boring” traits.

In a strange way, it seems you can accomplish almost anything, if you are boring.

Boring isn’t necessarily the same as being lazy. Though if you are boring by being lazy day after day, you will reap those “benefits” also.

People who are boring in the context I’m referring to understand this scripture:

Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass

To some of the world, I may seem foolish, doing the same things day after day. In fact, 6-7 years ago, I had a friend who honestly had the attitude that working hard at something you want is stupid and unnecessary. That person would even point out others who were working hard in derogatory ways. Last year, when that friend saw some of the “cool” things I was doing, they came to me and asked point-blank, “How do I get to do what you are doing?”

True story.

The reality is, I’ve learned a lot of significant things being boring. I’ve learned a lot about myself, human nature, society, and ideas. There is something about long-term (but productive) stability that clears your vision in ways other things can’t. I don’t know if I would have believed it if I hadn’t experienced it firsthand.

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I Have a Secret~Part 1 (James Potter)

A/N: I’ve had a really shitty day and I haven’t posted anything for three days so here you go. I hope you like it cause it made me feel better writing it. Also this was supposed to be a one-shot but once again it got kinda long so I decided to split it up. Gif’s not mine.

Summary: You have a crush on James and haven’t told anyone. You can’t take it anymore and finally tell one of your friends, Sirius. Unfortunately you forget that Sirius is basically James’ brother and they tell each other everything.

Pairing: James Potter x reader

Word Count: 1501

Warnings: Swearing, to many feelings

Other Parts: Part 2

Originally posted by scrapbookofmarauders



-Y/N P.O.V.-

I couldn’t tell you the exact day that I fell in love with James Potter. I could only tell you that it had been a long time ago. We were friends and I just thought there was no point in ruining a good friendship over some one sided feelings. There was no way that anyone could tell me that these feelings were mutual because literally everyone in the damn school knew that James only had eyes for Lily Evans. That could have been part of the reason that I fell for James. He was always so sweet and caring towards Lily and I was jealous as fuck because there was no decent reason in my mind that could explain why he wasn’t like that towards me. Every time he was around her he would get nervous, try to ask her out and get shot down. He was adorable when he was nervous. He would run his fingers through his hair and try his best to act cool although he always ended up in the most unnatural position ever. Sometimes when the marauders and I were hanging out in the common room, I wouldn’t be able to focus because all I could think about was getting up and going over to sit with James. I would imagine him putting his arm around me or pulling e into his lap so that could just be peaceful for a little while in front of the crackling fire.

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Choosing the wrong priorities part 3

This is a wrap up to my previous imagines which you can find here: 

Part one: 

http://harryimaginedstories.tumblr.com/post/147355012373/choosing-the-wrong-priorities-part-1

One two:

http://harryimaginedstories.tumblr.com/post/147409101738/choosing-the-wrong-priorities-part-2 

Picture is not mine. Though I wish I would have ever gotten close enough to him to take it.

The prevailing silence of the lightless room was interrupted only by the soft sound of our breathing and the gentle tab from thousands of tiny raindrops quietly pattering against the window. My body had been covered with two thick blankets to protect myself against the cold, yet the main warmth was provided from the strong, male body laying behind me. Harry’s tattooed arms were both slung around my waist and he held me close while he pressed himself against my back. I couldn’t help but smile out of pure joy and relief as my eyes focused on our interlocked hands, resting just above my chest. It brought me more joy now than it had a few hours ago, when my hand had been clasped tightly in Harry’s and I had struggled to follow him as he’d led me down the stairs.

His fingers had still felt slightly sticky from wiping the last remaining tears off my cheeks, but he didn’t seem to have noticed. My heart had beat in a hammering rhythm and my knees had felt awfully weak. Yet Harry had walked straight to the living room with more confidence than I could ever have mustered, a living room that was packed with celebrities. He hadn’t let go of my hand.

“Harry,” I had urged and pulled at his arm. He’d stopped to turn to me and frowned when I attempted to free my hand again.  "You should let go now.“

At first, my words didn’t seem to have made much sense to him, but eventually the coin dropped and the cocky smile I secretly loved so much appeared on his lovely face.

"You’re staying right here by my side,” he’d decided. “And if anyone asks, you’re my girlfriend.”

“Harry,” I’d warned but all he’d done was wink and turn to pull me into the crowd. I had found it difficult to wrap my head around this new attitude of his. Months of us sneaking around and going to ridiculous lengths to keep our relationship a secret had forced me to almost become invisible next to him. A quiet and inconspicuous shadow.

Tonight however, Harry was having none of it. We had previously decided that a few quick goodbyes were appropriate before we’d leave and as always, the moment Harry had entered the room, all the attention seemed to shift onto him. It had felt as if everyone wanted a piece of him. I had decided stick to standing at his side and to keep my focus on our connected hands.

At first no one else had noticed, but after a few minutes of him talking to fellow musicians my eyes had caught a few glances drifting down to mine and Harry’s interlocked fingers. Mostly female glances. One woman in particular stared at us and when her eyes found mine she, to my great surprise,  smiled. The amount of confidence that simple gesture had given me almost seemed ridiculous. But my joy was short lived, because the next female I’d noticed practically staring at us was no one other than a tall, thin and dark haired woman, who’d had her mouth against Harry’s earlier that same night. Kendall Jenner. I’d instantly tensed and tried to avoid any eye contact with her. The pit of my stomach had oddly decided on a mixture of guilt and insecurity at the same time. The thought of Harry wanting me instead of her seemed even more ridiculous when she was present. What if she was now angry at me because she had believed that they would become a thing again? Harry had stayed clueless, while my heart had dropped when Kendall pushed herself forward and closer to us until she’d stood directly in front of me.

“You must be Y/N, am I right?” she asked in her melodic voice that somehow didn’t drown in the loud pop music playing from about five speakers at once. Unable to form a proper sentence I’d just nodded.

“Oh dear, I am so sorry!” she had exclaimed and placed one of her hands on my arm. “Jeff  told me about the deal being off literally just now!” She shook her head in exasperation.

“I would never want to interfere in your relationship to Harry. He’s really just a friend to me and I never meant to hurt you by making you think otherwise.”

She’d quickly continued before I could say something. “I know it doesn’t look like I did it for the cameras, but I was under the impression that we were meant to make out while dancing. So that it’d look realistic, you know. Guess I got that wrong too, I’m sorry.”

She’d sighed in relief of having gotten it all out and she stared at me with wide eyes and flushed cheeks. Knowing that she’d expected me to say something, all I could sincerely say once I’d found my voice again, was, “It’s okay, Kendall.”

Finally Harry had realized who I was talking to and he quickly apologized to Kendall for whatever it was he’d thought he had to apologize for. My heart had squeezed happily when he’d finished their short chat by saying: “I’m gonna head home with my girlfriend now.”

Even escaping the paparazzi was different now. He hadn’t forced me to quickly walk ahead of him before anyone could snap a proper picture like he normally had. Now he had held my hand tightly and led the way to his car in a comfortable speed. It was as if he’d wanted them to take pictures of us. Once he’d told his driver where to go, Harry had wrapped one arm around my shoulder and pulled me into his side. Though I’d enjoyed it, this new behavior did freak me out a little. Once we’d reached the apartment building I was currently staying in I’d thought I’d try and asked Harry to stay the night what he’d accepted to my surprise. He normally never did. He’d gone from wanting to hide me to being comfortable with the whole world knowing about us in three days. How genuinely could that be?

“Babe, would you mind stop moving around all the time?” Harry murmured behind me. I jerked in surprise at his raspy voice and he gave me a reassuring squeeze.

“I thought you were asleep,” I whispered back.

“I was,” Harry chuckled softly, “but you nestling around woke me up, darling. Are you having trouble falling asleep?”

I shook my head and turned in his arms to look at him. He closed his eyes and sighed happily when I carefully moved my knuckles across his cheek. A smile graced his lips when my eyes locked with his sparkling green ones again.

“What’s on your mind,” he asked, his voice hoarse.

I shrugged, unsure of how to explain my confused emotions. I didn’t want to hurt him by voicing my doubt in him, but I knew I couldn’t lie either. He patiently waited and playfully squeezed my hips to get me to answer his question.

“I love you,” I whispered and watched with delight yet another big smile spread on his lips.

“Love you, too, darling,” he answered and turned his head to press a kiss on my hand that still rested against his cheek. “But that’s not what you were thinking about.”

“It was,” I murmured, “among with other things.”

He frowned and pulled my body closer against his as he turned to lay on his back. I sighed contently and wished he’d let it go so we could simply enjoy this moment together. I knew that he wouldn’t be too happy about my thoughts. If we’d both just close our eyes, maybe the fear would disappear.

“Tell me,” he demanded.

“I just worry a bit,” I admitted, “To the public, you’ve gone from kissing Kendall Jenner to introducing your non-famous friend as your girlfriend in mere minutes. Everyone is going to start asking questions and make a mess, Harry. I’m scared that you’ll change back to wanting to hide me away again. It’d certainly be easier. ”

I watched his forehead frown and his eyes sadden slightly. I knew that Harry wanted to make everyone around him feel save and loved, that other people’s happiness was all he cared about. That it was me out of all people who didn’t believe in his sincerity, pained him. I continued in a more hushed voice.

“You never used to stay for the night because you worried someone would snap a picture of you leaving in the same cloths as you came in. We had an argument about that remember? I was sick of always having to come to yours. But now all of a sudden you’re in my bed and staying. Which makes me very happy, don’t get me wrong, but what about tomorrow when the media have pictures and everyone is asking questions about me? About who I am? And you’ll have to explain yourself? What if you decide that a public relationship isn’t what you want after all?”

Harry’s eyes focused on mine and again silence stretched throughout the room. The rain had gotten heavier and goosebumps crawled up my skin when I heard the faint noise of thunder in the distance.

“I want you,” Harry chose to say. He reached forward and gently took my face in his hands. “I was a fool to ever believe I could go a day without you and it being a good day. As long as you’ll allow me, I’d like to be able to openly cherish and love you.”

My heart warmed and I smiled. I leaned up a bit to press a kiss to his soft lips. My hands traveled up to wound in his hair and he groaned when I scratched the back of his neck. Harry’s arms wrapped tighter around me and he pulled me up so I was now completely lying on top of him. I rested my chin on my folded hands and he smirked up at me.

“I understand your fear, Y/N. Because you’re right, you are my first honest and public girlfriend, who’s not famous and who’s house I leave in the same cloths I entered with,” he winked cheekily and laughed in relief that he wasn’t angry at me. I sighed when I felt his hands push under the shirt I was wearing to gently hold my hips in his and I fisted my hands against his naked skin.

Harry cleared his throat and continued more seriously. “That’s exactly what I want you to be. And because you’re my first in that sense, I can’t promise that I’m the perfect boyfriend. But you could teach me to be and I promise that I could make you insanely happy. Happier than you even knew was possible.”

“I’m sure you could,” I smirked and pressed a kiss to his chin and than added, “you did make me very happy in the last few months. I just want to go back to that.”

“I don’t,” he surprised me by saying. “Back then I didn’t appreciate you enough. The days I spent without you were the worst but they thought me. I will never do anything that could make you leave me again. And before you say it, I’m not forcing myself into anything. I want our relationship to be exactly this way. Public enough that everyone knows that I’m yours and that you’re mine.”

He squeezed me again and I moved to nip on his neck. He half moaned and I giggled breathlessly.

“But,” he tried to continue but had to pull me back down and against him before I let go of him, “with you not being a public figure, I can keep what matters private between us. And I like that very much.”

“You’ve done your fair amount of thinking,” I murmured.

“That I have.”

He smiled and raised his head slightly. I leaned down and pressed a heavy kiss to his mouth, one that he was eager to return. My arms wrapped tighter around his neck and he moved to settle me back down on the mattress, pressed against his side. We continued to kiss for what felt like hours, until neither of us had any air left in our lungs and until our lips were red and swollen. My heart beat rapidly but the aching feeling had finally gone and was replaced by warmth and joy. When Harry pulled away he reached up and caressed my cheek gently with the back of his hand.

“All will be good, Y/N. I promise you.”

“I believe you,” I whispered before my lips found his in another kiss.

Hope you’re happy with the ending! :) Requests and feedback are both very welcome.

Rest of what I wrote: 

http://harryimaginedstories.tumblr.com/post/144920695218/masterlist


Music to write Torn by

Just after I’d delivered the second draft of Torn - in the end there were three drafts plus two short “production drafts”, where only tiny changes in dialogue were asked for right before they locked it as a shooting script - I found myself emailing with our brilliant exec producer Juliet about the various processes writers have to get a draft done.

I told her that for me, it was imagining how the actors would look and sound doing and saying certain things, and music. Always music. I know some writers who prefer silence and they BAFFLE AND CONFUSE me. I can’t do it. To me, silence is just a huge void of “Why can’t you type anything? / Why have you just typed that load of shit?” That still happens regardless, but with my headphones blasting something, it’s not as crushing. I told Juliet that I had a long playlist to write to, and certain songs for specific characters and moments, including the one I listened to over and over and over again whilst crying at 2am trying to write one scene. (No, you don’t get a prize for guessing which scene yes obviously it was that one.) I’d like to share that playlist with you now, and talk a little about how it connected the characters for me along the way.

(Skip down to the first video below & play - it really kicks in after about 2 mins)

When I got the WB job, I started on a playlist almost straight away - if I recall, the night that Ep 1 of S4 had gone out. Now I’d met the new characters, and seen the new style of shooting, I went to my iTunes (30,000+ tracks all stored on an offline PC running on XP and iTunes 9 - FUK U APPLE MUSIC YOU ARE NEVER REPLACING MY RARE TRACKS) and started throwing in music that said this one thing to me -

- running through the city at night, surrouded by lights.

Didn’t have to be running as a wolf, just needed that rush, that feeling. This netted me 5 or 6 tracks. I tried to stick to recent-ish things (circa April 2016), and mainly British artists. Anything with energy, screaming “city!”. Then I got corny and searched every Wolfblood related word I could think of - moon, howl, wolf, run, teeth, etc - to see if that threw up anything good. (More on that below.) This was a start, and was what I took up to the writers room in Salford. (On that journey, I also played the hell out of Try Everything from Zootropolis, which I had seen the Friday before. I especially played it on the tram out to MediaCity basically so I could arrive there for the first time like Judy Hopps.)

When I got back from the room, I worked on the playlist, adding a few more tracks (the full Aurora album was out by now as well and was the kind of thing I buy & love anyway) over the next couple of months while I was waiting for the real work to start. So, by the time August rolled around, and my story outline was locked… I. WAS. READY.


I try to avoid too much existing film music on a playlist because generally it’s already got a strong connection to something visual, but an exception was the opening track on my list, from the 1979 movie The Warriors. I know a lot of people who grew up with this film, but I only saw in a couple of years ago, when the full score was released on limited CD, and that’s where this track is from.

When I made this my opening track, it was merely to set mood. Creepy city night moving into propulsive action. But when my story changed in July and my opening became the scenes of Emilia, Madoc and Hafren stalking the city… OHMYGOD can you imagine more perfect music to write that too? And when they filmed those scenes I was there and could hear this music in my mind as I watched them walk. Magic.

(There actually seems to be another nod to The Warriors in Ep 5, when Birdie taunts “Wolfbloods, come out to play…” I must ask Ed if it’s intentional.)

Then I had the 30 second title version of Running With The Wolves on my iPod, so it was essentially like listening to my episode start after the teaser (”They think so.”) and then away we go. And yes, my nerdery knows no bounds.

I may skip around the actual order of the playlist now to talk about it, but the playlist linked at the bottom of the post is the order of the tracks on my iPod, so go hit that and enjoy.

First up after the titles, TURN THE MUSIC LOUDER (RUMBLE). This is everything I said above. This is running through a loud, lit city at night. This track gets me so fired up, and though I love love love Katy B & Tinie Tempah’s voices, the extended instrumental was the best one to get my blood going - especially when it was 1am and I’d just cued the playlist for the fourth time that night. When that beat kicks in at 46 seconds <3

Chaleur Humaine was such an important album to me last year. It was an album I got a few weeks before getting the job, which was also the week my grandma had a fall and went to hospital and… all that’s on my instagram, go look. Point being, I *needed* this album last year. So it was obvious some songs would make their way onto the list, and TILTED is just… It’s audio heaven to me. And while I was still finishing Torn, they’d started shooting Block 1, and a video went up of Jack dancing to this in the green room. So when you’re listening to the same thing the cast is, you kind of know you’ve chosen well. “But I’m actually good / Can’t help it if we’re tilted” could almost be a WB motto. We’re not human, but that doesn’t make us bad - just tilted. Later, iT was a song for Jana, “I’m a man now” becoming a stand-in for “I’m an Alpha now”.

Raleigh Ritchie, aka Jacob Anderson, aka Grey Worm on GoT. How talented can one guy be? (Plus he used to follow me on Twitter when he had a seperate Jacob account and we’d talk movies and trade puns a bit.) If you haven’t heard You’re A Man Now, Boy, do it right now (or when you’ve finished reading this). Anyway, these songs keyed me *straight* into TJ. “This is a blue town / And I feel a Gene Kelly moment comin’ on” is sooooooooo TJ. That boundless optimism, even when the world is falling down, that sense of play and fun and joy about being a Wolfblood - more than that, being Terence Cipriani, the one and only. But he still can’t *quite* get it together with Selina, even though he *totally* should, so BLOODSPORT ‘15 got me into their scenes** together, and then when Raleigh is joined on THE CHASED by his real life partner, the amazing Aisling Loftus, that basically became TJ and Selina singing together.

**There’s not a lot of TJ and Selina in Torn, which is a regret, because I love them so much. I did write them some other scenes (while they’re waiting for Hartington, and in the Den at the end) but they were cut for time before shooting. They were nice in isolation, with Selina supporting TJ (he’s still worried about the chip having been in him), then him supporting her after her parents are taken, but they didn’t really contribute to the story, and as you saw, we had quite a few events to blast through in 27 minutes as it was.

ROMAN HOLIDAY by Halsey is almost an odd one out - one of only 2 American tracks on the list, but something about it struck me as right for Torn. “We’ll be looking for sunrise”, and “for now let’s get away” maybe? But it always felt like it belonged there.

The Wolf Alice tracks were the one of two results from my Wolfblood-related word search. Full disclosure - I had the Wolf Alice album and EP but they hadn’t grown on me yet when I put these on the list. That all changed as these songs became essential to the writing. STORMS seemed to fit for both Jana and Matei, as both are being told things by people and wonder the refrain over and over again “Who are your friends, your friends, your friends…”. By the third draft this always put me in Matei’s head. FREAZY became a big Jana song, as she tries to navigate ties and deals throughout the show, but always open to hope “You can join us if you think you’re wild / You can join us if you’re a feral child / Our love is cool”. “You can hate us all you want but it don’t mean nothing at all”, Jana just keeps Jana’ing, like a fucking boss. YOUR LOVES WHORE was kind of an all purpose track to again serve that big city tone, but the more I listened to it, the more the insistent beat and heavy guitars felt like Selina. She could be talking to TJ (”I could be your perfect girl”?) or she could be taking on the world, because she is Selina Khan and she will kick you in the face whilst delivering a cutting comment, then one minute later come out with the sweetest gesture you’ve ever seen.

I used the other Aurora songs to mainly access Emilia and Hafren. CONQUEROR is basically Hafren’s entire mission statement. Despite being swayed in method by Madoc, Hafren is a pure WB, just like Emilia tells her. That was a really important scene to me - one that never changed from the first draft. I wanted to have a scene that showed just what a good Alpha Emilia has been when she’s not trying to start a fight. Hafren may deploy her aggression very easily, but she’s doing it for very clear - almost innocent, really - reasons. She really believes, and when she howls and raises her fist on the castle, it should be that pure moment of triumph (along with an “oooooohhhh shit” moment equivilant to shutting down the grid in Ghostbusters in terms of WB/human relations). Laura G was amazing, coming to those short scenes with brilliant notes on what they meant to Hafren that completely chimed with my thinking, and I really can’t explain to you just how amazing it was to be up there and see and hear her howl like that.

TILL THE END by Lucy Rose was almost a chillout section in the middle of writing for me. It feels very fresh and optimistic, and can work for any number of characters, including Katrina. And if you want to take the lyrics “‘Cause I want to believe / That I will keep fighting 'till the end / And I should have believed / That you were much more than just a friend” and apply it to what Katrina is feeling after she hears what she does in this episode, I’m not going to stop you…

Katrina is a segue into what I always thought of as the Kafe section of songs, from Florrie through Karen Harding & Little Mix to Hailee Steinfeld. All great modern pop songs that I love and could imagine playing on the radio in the Kafe, backgrounding the long talk the pack have at the beginning. If there’s going to be a day when BLACK MAGIC doesn’t get me feeling upbeat and happy, I don’t want to know about it. Hailee Steinfeld is also the only other invading American song on the list, but the Kafe is a place where that doesn’t feel strange.

After the Kafe section and before Bloodsport ;15, I had another song I can’t add on Spotify -

I have the proper studio version of this, on a sampler for Chlöe Howl’s album that never came out, which is a fucking tragedy because wow. I love her, I loved every song she put out, and this song was sooooo important to the script. It works for Jana and Emilia and Matei… it takes them a long time to trust someone. And now some of those trusts are breaking down, and some are building again. (Howl was the other result from my wolf word searching, but I can’t imagine I’d have gone into battle without at least one Chlöe song regardless.)

The only other song on the playlist I can’t include here is SLOWDIVE by Gemma Hayes, which is an exclusive song I got for putting in an amount of £ to back the album that became Bones + Longing. It’s a really beautiful song - it sounds like audio sunlight and green fields, and I used it mainly to write Emilia teaching Matei Eolas. Nothing on the album sounds exactly like it, but check out Bones + Longing and Gemma’s previous album Let It Break for a taste, and because they’re amazing.

For the longest time - before the July story change that landed the Kafe Escape scene into Torn, HEY NOW (BONOBO REMIX) was the only song on the list that represented Robyn. It’s *very* city at night music, and I kind of imagined it being something she’d listen to on headphones in her room, laying awake and thinking of a person sleeping not very far away, and what she was starting to mean to her. It’s one for looking at the rain streaming down your window and hugging your covers tighter.

Another song like that is HEARTLESS. Oh my musical god. Really. This is one of the songs that went on the list that first night. I can listen to it endlessly. It represents everyone, in every space we go to. Kafe, Den, streets, wild. I can even access *Madoc* with this song (And it was important to understand Madoc and his reasons, but I can’t go into that now for spoilers. But I get why he’s doing what he does.) This is simply a key song in the creation of Torn.

Believe it or not, in my first draft, we had a car chase! I know!! Basically Hartington was somewhere else than the gym, and they all piled into Jones’s vehicle to track him on the roads before cornering him. Then everything went down the way it does in the ep now, but still, car chase! Then of course production said we could spend the enormous amount of money the chase would cost on better things, so can they just ambush him as he leaves the gym? But for the time the chase existed, the theme from The Warriors returned in BASEBALL FURIES CHASE to go with it.

The third Aurora song, I WENT TOO FAR was always Emilia to me. Perhaps not in lyrics, but in voice and feel. Has she gone too far? Maybe in some part of her mind. But she can relate to the “Crying 'give me some love, give me some love and hold me” part. For all the strength she takes in her pack, she’s so happy to get Matei back. It was a joy to write those scenes reuniting the siblings, and I am so so so happy with the Eolas scene. That’s been the same - bar literally changing one single word - since my first draft, and Sydney blew me away with how beautifully she delivered it. I hadn’t seen anything of that scene until Monday, and … yeah, it’s so so beautiful. Sydney, Jack, the look, the music. <3

The last Christine and the Queens song, NIGHT 52, I used to track the deleted Den scene, which came inbetween Madoc slipping away from the party and his call. Not much happened - it was really Jana, Imara, TJ & Selina trying to figure out a way to do… anything… to help the situation they’re in now. So it was sombre and quiet and though I’m now glad it’s gone (aside from missing the TJ & Selina beat mentioned above), this beautiful track gave it life.

So, it’s late July, and my story now includes a certain scene, and yeeaaahhhhh, gonna need some specific music for this one. Thankfully a couple more albums had come out recently. First, Nothing’s Real, by Shura. How good? Is it even measurable how good it is? And it gave me two songs in particular that seemed really Robyn, who was now so much more important to the episode. MAKE IT UP, with all the talk of waking up in the night, was like a companion to the London Grammar song, but 2SHY? That might as well be the narrative in Robyn’s head in the days leading up to Torn. “It’s taken me so long / Maybe I’m just too shy to say it / We could be more than friends / Maybe I’m just too shy / Too shy.” Wanting desperately to say something but too professional and maybe even hesitant to say it, until one awful event leads them to a very specific set of circumstances. They weren’t outside at the time. They weren’t downstairs, where Robyn could have quickly bolted out of the back door. No. They were up in the flat. One terrible moment, as brutish men crash into their lives, leads them to the only exit - to that window - and that moment, that perhaps could not have happened at any other time. And suddenly something terrible becomes something beautiful…

And that’s where HEAR YOU CALLING by Birdy comes in. It just hit me in the heart. In the music, in the lyrics (“I could take my make-up and put a brave face on” could be a mantra for Katrina during recent events), in Birdy’s beautiful voice. *This* was the song for that moment, and I played it and played it and played it. I left this scene to almost the last in my first draft, as I basically knew what I wanted to do with it, it just needed to be done right. So it was about 2am on the second night of writing when I cued the track for the first time. (I wrote the first draft over two nights in a 24 hour cafe, which is a useful thing Plymouth has for writers. And hey, a few months later I was reading Lucy Sutcliffe’s amazing Girl <3 Girl AND GUESS WHICH CAFE SHE MENTIONS HANGING OUT IN!!111!!)

And then I wrote the scene, over and over. Every line of description, every line of dialogue read and re-read and changed until it flowed with the music, and we reach that moment where Robyn stops herself from leaving, and the chorus kicks in on her declaration to Katrina…

And because Katrina is just a glorious wonderful beating heart of a human being she responds to Robyn with love and *that* **Alpha** ***headtouch*** and that human red red kiss that says come back to me and then Robyn’s gone until they meet again…

Every night when the sun goes down
And I’m left in this lonely town
I hear you calling me, hear you calling me, yeah
Every time that I say goodbye
Every night when I close my eyes
I hear you calling me, hear you calling me

Take me home, take me home, don’t know this place
Are you there wondering if I’m lying awake
Thinking of you?
Take me home, take me home, don’t know this place
Are you there wondering if I’m lying awake
Thinking of you?
Oh, my beautiful summer
How the winter makes me wonder
Where you’ve gone

And then a few weeks later they started using Hear You Calling for the opening titles of Our Girl, but they cut if off before the best bit anyway, so I’m planting the flag in it for us.

And finally, we’re back to the city, literally, with IN THE CITY, the end credits song from The Warriors, that just feels like the end of a very long day - but one where you have hope for the future, which is exactly what our pack need at the end of Torn, and what I needed because hearing this song meant I’d been writing for a couple of hours, and probably had loads left to do, and was about to start the music all over again…

Anyway, here’s the music that helped me with Torn - I hope you enjoy at least some of it!

(https://open.spotify.com/user/siunderwood/playlist/3Ux8JQLhDbbRVbGMAlgtxh)

JB Imagine - Pranking (Fake Dating)

A/N : Hey guys hope you enjoy it, let me know if I should do a part two or sequel ? Be sure to follow and like for more. Also feel free to request one for yourself. Much love .xx

You and Justin have been fake dating for 4 months. It’s still something you can’t take in and well we can say neither can he. You’re probably questioning as to why is it something he can’t take in ? Well, Justin was expecting a model or famous type of girlfriend in which that definitely wasn’t you. You both had met by Hailey, after seeing years later since highschool and you moving. Who would have thought you would meet up again on a plane. Everyone loved you, as in Scooter, Za, Ryan and the rest of Justin’s friends along with his family. I guess your bubbly personality worked the charm on everyone except for Justin.

It was a hot sunny day out in LA. It was the perfect day for non other than a swim had I thought as I was interrupted from my daydreaming by my phone ringing. Surprisingly it was Ryan. He only calls me unless it’s something serious because other than that matter we speak everyday so this must be important. “Hey Ryan” I said happily. “Hey Y/N, I have something important to tell you so listen up” he said. “Thought as much. Go ahead” I said getting curious by the minute.

“Okay since I’m your best friend and I thought I should tell you this because it would be even funnier. Justin is on his way and he intends to prank you” He said excitedly. “Go on..” i said wanting to hear more. “So play it cool when he comes and backfire his prank” he said. “Consider it game on. I’m so going to post this on my channel. I have to go set up. Thanks for telling me Ryan aha you’re the best” I said as I quickly hung up.

I went to my room to grab 2 cameras in which I setted up in the house in order to catch footage of our prank. I didn’t forget the thought of wanting to swim. I grabbed my neon pink triangl bikini, threw on my floral kimono and headed to the pool with my phone to keep me occupied along with my sunglasses.

I layed down on the sunbed in the partial shade area and checked my instagram. 10 minutes later, guess who drops by…?

I didn’t dare turn my gaze towards him and instead pretended his presence wasn’t here. “Hey Y/N” I turned around to see that Ryan had tagged along with Justin. I guess he’s going to witness this go down. Justin rarely spoke to me because well I’m his fake girlfriend and the only time we talk is when were forced to. In which does hurt me because even though I may be acting for him, deep down I’m actually in love with him though I doubt he’d feel the same.

“Oh hey Ryan. It’s so good to see you” i said as I stood up to hug him. I swear I could see a sting of jealousy in Justin, probably because I’m just in this bikini or maybe… Nah I don’t think so. “Same here” he said. He then winked at me as I sat down and he sat next to me on my left. My gaze had then met Justin’s presence and in which shall I say I was thankful that I was wearing sunglasses so he could barely see me look at him because he was shirtless in just joggers and nike high tops. That was enough to kill me.

“Uhh hey Y/N can we talk” he asked as he rubbed the back of his neck. Game on. “Yeah sure” I said as I locked my phone and sat upwards to face him sitting on the sunbed on my right. “Okay so I have no idea how to say this but..” he trailed. “But what Justin ?” I asked curiously as to what was his idea of pranking me. “Okay just here me out alright? ” he said playing it as if he did something wrong. Ain’t working babe thanks to Ryan. “Okay so 2 weeks ago remember when we went out for my birthday to that new club ?” he said. “Yeah…What about it ?” I trailed. “Well, uhh I got drunk and I guess so was Hailey.. We ended up doing it and now she think she’s pregnant” he said trying to sound serious. Really ? Of all people he uses Hailey ? That too of all things saying she’s pregnant ?

“Are you fricking serious ?” I questioned. Time for my backfire. He nodded his head as he looked down. “OMG. Okay good than I don’t have to feel bad. We’re even now” I said smiling at my remark as i let out a sigh of relief as I stood up to head to the kitchen. Footsteps were following me and so the fun begins.

“Wait. What do you mean even ? What did you do ?” He asked getting pissed and curious at the same time. I opened the fridge to get myself a bottle of water as I turned to him. “Well my stories a bit similar. Anyways remember like last week or so I told you I went to Cameron and Nash’s apartment to film a video for my channel ?” I asked. “Yeah…” he trailed. “Well while Cameron and I started making the video like towards the end or so we didn’t actually complete the video though uhh instead we may have had a makeout session and uhh we also did it” I said plainly trying not to laugh.

“And ?” He questioned. “Justin. I think I may be pregnant” I said serious. “Are you being serious right now ?” He questioned tensed. “Yeah Justin. I’m so sorry. I know we’re dating and everything, we both screwed up but I’m sure we can work this out” I said trying to convince him into the prank. “No we can’t Y/N. What the fuck man ? This was all supposed to be a prank and you’re telling me you’re fucking pregnant with some shitty Youtubers kid ?” He said with jealousy clear in his voice. Ryan must so be enjoying the front row watch. Justin then walked off running his fingers through his hair roughly. Oh my gosh even when he’s mad he looks hot.

“Oh come on Justy. We can work this out” I said as I wrapped my arms around him which was a first of me in which he was probably shocked of my actions. “No we can’t Y/N. You have no idea how fucked this is right now. This was all supposed to be a prank” he said as he left my embrace and walked back to the pool area where he last sat.

“Okay Justin” I said as I sat in front of him trying to gain his attention. I then did my next unexpected move and sat on his lap which was also another first for me. “Justin. Listen to me. I have something else important to tell you ?” I said as I lifted his chin. “Can this get any worse ?” He asked as he made eye contact with me. “I think it may..” i said as I lowered my head. “Okay just tell me what is it ?” He said sadly. “Justin..You’ve just been pranked by your own girlfriend” I shouted in his face as I got up to high five Ryan. “Thanks Ry” I said as we both turned to Justin to see his reaction. “Remind me again as to what made me all of a sudden fall for you ?” He murmured to himself.

5 Things I Didn’t Know When I Started Cosplaying

I’ve been delaying posting on this blog because I have lots of ideas for things I want to write but none of them seemed worthy of being the First Post™. I think the first post on any blog is always a bit awkward because you know it’s probably not going to be read by many, at least not right away. So if you are reading this post as some archival interloper at some point in the near or distant future, welcome! I hope listicles are still as trendy as they were when I wrote this post.

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Ari’s 2 Year Re-Birthday a.k.a Halloween 2016

As I mentioned in my last post, I have hit my 2-year mark of being on Hormone Replacement Therapy. I celebrate this day as a second birthday. It marks the beginning of the period in my life when gender dysphoria no longer had its horrific grip on me. (I still deal with it at times of course, but HRT is a life saving treatment. This is truly my Re-Birthday :)

A year ago, I was in a situation where I was still getting used to living on my own and I was just starting to be able to be in public while letting the walls down and just being myself. That year, I spent my Re-Birthday alone and posted some costume pics on Tumblr about it. While I was grateful to have the outlet of Tumblr at the time and you all sent me encouraging messages of support.. I also vowed to myself that next year would be different. I promised myself that I would have a group of friends that knew only the real me to celebrate this special day with me. This year that happened. It did take effort on my part. I had to be intentional about being more social. If you followed me for a long time, you know that I started going to meetup groups. I went to a Dungeons and Dragons meetup first and there I made two amazing new friends who I visit with weekly now. I also joined a women’s group on meetup. This meetup in particular is just incredible. They accepted me into their fold and I have made several friendships through that group. The events are always a blast even though some of them take me out of my “comfort” zone :)

I am so grateful to be in the position I am in now, where I have new friends that just know Ari and accept her and like her for who she is. I am actually crying a little while writing this because I remember how I felt last year and how worried I was that I would be feeling alone for a very, very long time. Sure I have family members that still love me but they struggle greatly to accept me for who I am.

But.. on to the pics of the celebration! This is a happy occasion!

My friends are amazing when it comes to costumes. I was at first planning on going as Counselor Troi from Star Trek TNG. However, there is a serious lack of costumes out there for her. There is an off-color short dress that really does not come close to matching her outfits. There is the standard TNG uniforms but I did not want to look androgynous in any way for this outing ;)

So, I went with a Dr. Carol Marcus costume that I found online. I also got a blond wig, but ultimately I decided not to use the wig. I was worried it would be too hot as this was going to be a bar crawl and long night. Also, the wig framed my face poorly and reminded me of the time when I was desperately trying to grow my hair out. I was able to snap a few cute pictures with the wig, but trust me it only looked cute in those pics as that camera angle worked the best for the look. Pics from the side view and such made me look like I was wearing a child’s wig. I decided I could just be a Science Crew Member from the reboot universe :) Science Officer Ari reporting for duty, Sir!

Also, after shopping at several stores with my daughter I found some futuristic looking earrings at Charming Charlie that I thought were perfect. You can see those in one of the pics.

Anyway, here are photos both with the wig and without, followed by pictures from one of the most fun nights I have had in recent memory :)

I could not find a “phaser” so I bought a mini, but very loud toy laser gun from World Market..

My purse almost looks like that side bag that Dr. McCoy used to carry, doesn’t it??


Lens flare pic! :) lol

One last note about this night, I had some real fear leading up to it. As a transgender woman, despite my best efforts, I still fear being called out by someone in public. In particular I still have that uneasy feeling when I need to use the restroom. Being Halloween, with many non-transgender men dressing as women.. it amplified this fear. Once again all of my fears were unwarranted. In fact, as I was about to leave the restroom at one of our many stops on our pub crawl, a random young woman said to me, “Hey are you..” she paused and I took in a breath.. “Star Trek??” Lol! Her wording was funny, but she was just trying to confirm that she “got” my costume. I said, “Yes!” She responded, “I LLLove it!” As you can imagine that was great for me to hear ;) I simply smiled and told her thank you because I honestly was not sure what her costume was supposed to be so I said nothing about it! 

I hope you all have an amazing Halloween. If you are in a place where you wish you could make some new friends please make a direct effort to do so. You will find them!

-Ari

My goal in sharing my transition is to represent transgender people in the positive light that we all deserve. Re-blogs are always okay if they are for this purpose, but if you are a fetish blog or fetish website then I want nothing to do with you and you do not have my permission to use my images.

Connor McDavid #1.2

Requested by Anon: For the Connor Mcdavid pt.2 maybe like connor heads back to Edmonton and they stay connected and she realizes how stupid it was to let him go and goes to Edmonton and like super fluff

*This is the part 2, as requested, of the original Connor McDavid drabble. Extra long because I couldn’t stop myself, sorry.*

Part 3 here.

Word count: 1,139

Originally posted by theoilers

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Things I learned during my first year of medical school

I cannot believe I’ve finished my first year of medical school already! Wow! 

Warning: long Parks and Rec gif-filled post ahead (90% of these are cheesy but I am pizza levels of cheesy when I’m reflecting):

Originally posted by gifsboom

1. Do your thing

The first semester of med school was a weird time of looking and seeing what other people were doing to study and wondering if I needed to do that too. 

I wondered, should I get a bunch of colored highlighters? Make a million flashcards? Am I behind because I haven’t studied that lecture yet? Should I stream instead of go to class because that’s what other people are doing?

Originally posted by yourreactiongifs

My advice? Try new things out but once you figure out what works for you, don’t be afraid to stick to it. Some people found out that they study best in groups. I found out I study best by myself. I don’t like highlighting but I do like writing down things I need to know in a spiral so I can review/remember them better. I also like doing as many practice questions as I can get my hands on. I like going to class and taking notes on my computer. 

I didn’t know any of that until I got here. And that’s okay. But don’t stress about what other people are doing - you’ll find what works for you. 

2. Don’t try to study 24/7 

Seriously. Don’t. It’s not worth it. You’ll burn out and realize you could have been more relaxed and focused if you took a break. I try to take a couple minutes of break every hour and a bigger break every few hours whenever I’m studying. I also try to take at least one day off per weekend and do something fun (even if it’s small). I also know I study best during the day so I usually take the evenings off as well unless it’s like crunch time. 

Originally posted by rachgrub

3. Investing in dress clothes is a good idea

Inevitably, you’ll forget that you have yet another clinical skills class that requires white coat attire (aka business casual) and only remember last minute, without time to do laundry. It’s way less stressful if you have a few possible outfits. Even easier? If you wear dresses, get some nice professional dresses. Nothing better than only picking a single thing out of your closet to wear! Also, along with that, make sure you have dress shoes that fit and are comfortable. I learned that I need to break in new flats sometimes before I wear them or I will get really bad blisters. 

Originally posted by impeterperez

4. Laughter is the best medicine

As cliche as it sounds, I could not have gotten through this year without laughing. Laughing with new friends, laughing at ridiculous situations, laughing at silly gifs posted in our med school’s FB group specifically created for that purpose (it’s the best, highly recommend. Our class has 3 facebook groups - one for class announcements/club things, one for study materials, and one for laughing. The silly one was started by an MS2 (now MS3 I suppose!)). Laughing is seriously therapeutic for stress. Also some of my classmates just happen to be hysterically funny. Also A+ to tumblr for keeping me giggling. Also, Broad City (put it on your list of shows to watch!) 

Originally posted by iamjustbeth

5. The days are long but the weeks/months are short

I still cannot believe it is May and I’m already done. I’m grateful that I’ve been able to reflect on my experiences on my tumblr so I can remember them (because sometimes it feels like my memories are getting squeezed out to make room for new knowledge). Journaling here allowed me to process this year in a way that I wouldn’t have otherwise. I would highly recommend it to anyone about to start school (of any kind!). 

Originally posted by transitionneededplease

6. Make new friends but keep the old

Yes, I am quoting a Girl Scouts song. Because it’s true. I am so very thankful for the technology that has allowed me to (try to) keep up with my college friends. Life is busy for all of us but it’s always nice to chat with old friends (and hang out, location permitting!) Also my med school class is filled with the most amazing people and it’s been so fun getting to know them :) I love my girls so much, they truly are my ride or dies. Med school is quite a bonding experience.

Originally posted by leslieandannforever

7. You’ll do things you never imagined you could

For me, that was anatomy and clinical skills. I was a bit nervous about dissecting and the whole experience but I was pleasantly surprised. It was not as weird as I thought it would be. In clinical skills, I was terrifyingly nervous about standardized patients and being filmed and getting feedback and learning how to do all the exams. We all got through it and now I feel much more comfortable. There are still hard days (like a couple of weeks ago) but I am not as nervous. I also learned how to do the male GU exam and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. 

Originally posted by island-delver-go

 I also can’t believe that I went from knowing nothing to taking a history and doing a physical on a real patient all by myself AND presenting them to my preceptor. I still have a ton to learn and say stupid stuff sometimes but it feels like I’m on the right track. 

Originally posted by welcometoyouredoom

8. While sometimes first year feels like this:

Originally posted by iheart3j5

Originally posted by yourreactiongifs

Originally posted by adultum


Originally posted by superkevinthellama


Originally posted by superkevinthellama

You’ll have moments where you feel like


Originally posted by madpupper

And one last bonus lesson:

Originally posted by penguins-ruletheworld

Can that be the medblr motto? Also shoutout to medblr for being such an amazing and supportive community. Could not have gotten through this year without y’all!!!! 

Congratulations to all the other first years who are finishing up school or already done :) And welcome medblr class of 2020!!! So excited for y’all. 

Sunshine Boy (Antoine Griezmann O.S.)

How a perfect, sunshine boy can devastate more than a hurricane.

A/N: I know the request for Antoine was smut, and I tried but, um… I’ll try again some other day. But for now, there’s this. And in the immortal words of Grizi himself: Enjoy.


“Oh my god, no don’t post that one!" 

"Why not? It’s funny!" 

"No! I look like a deranged seahorse!" 

"No, you don’t– oh yeah, I see it." 

Willa smacked her palm on Antoine’s chest so hard, she almost fell off his lap. His laugh wasn’t interrupted by either the smacking or her sliding off his lap but he did manage to put an arm around her waist just in time.

"Okay, how about this one?” He swiped to a photo of the two of them trying out paddleboard yoga poses jokingly. 

Keep reading

2

Imagine #117 Reading fanfics together

(requested)

I was in my room just looking at my stuff on the socials, waiting for Neymar to come over. I was finally home alone so he could come see me. He did came when my parents were home, but it was always much more fun when we were alone.

I was on Tumblr, I had my blog, but no one knew I was Neymar’s girlfriend. Because if that happened I would, most probably have the entire inbox filled with questions about him or just hate messages. However, I had a lot of posts of Neymar so my followers always asked if I was a big fan of him.

Neymar and I started dating 7 months ago, but we decided to get official after 2 months, since I was still in school and he had football matches all the time we could not see much so it was not difficult hide it.

I was just a usual girl, I was not famous or anything, but my father started working for FC Barcelona so I went once with him to the office and Neymar was there, still don’t know why, but it was like God knew he had to be there that day.

So he greeted himself and then when I left he asked his agent to get my number and somehow he got it. And this is how we got together.

I knew there were a lot of fanfictions going around Tumblr, but I never read any, because I felt it would be weird, but since I was bored and Neymar was still not to be found I decided to look for a fanfiction about us.

I typed our shipping name, which our fans gave us and in a second, some of pictures and fanfictions about us popped out. I was laughing at myself for doing this, but I was curious to see what the fans imagined us doing.

Just when I found one that had an interesting title “Neymar getting jealous of Rafinha”, because I was a really good friend with Rafa, Neymar walked inside my room. He immediately jumped next to me in my bed, as I was laying on my stomach looking at the PC.

“How’s my baby?” He said as he placed a kiss on my cheek and then laid on his back.

“I’m good, how is my champion?” I smiled and leaned closer to him placing a kiss on his lips and getting on top of him.

“Tired” he said and then moved my PC so he could see what I was doing, “What are you looking?”

“Reading fanfictions about us” I laughed as he looked at me with a confused face.

“What?”

“Stories made up by your fans about us.”

“They do that?” Neymar laughed.

“You didn’t know that? There is so many of them.”

“Of course I didn’t, I don’t have time to read them.” He laughed as I got off of him and took the PC.

“Well let’s read one, c’mon!” I said as I sit and he came closer to me still laying on the bed, “Okay.”

We started reading and Neymar kept laughing at everything, because he still could not believe that fans wrote stories about him.

“Neymar stop!” I read in a dramatic way looking at Neymar.

“(y/n) why are you always around Rafinha?” Neymar read and looked at me disgusted, “Babe you would not really change me for Rafa right?”

“Who knows” I winked teasing him and then started reading again.

“Because he is my friend Neymar”

“I want you just for myself!” Neymar read.

“But you know I am only yours, because I love you, just you!” I read and looked at him placing a kiss on his cheek.

“Promise me you will never leave me”

“I promise” I smiled.

“(y/n) and Neymar then walked to the car and drove back to Neymar’s place. Neymar was still so jealous and angry that (y/n) danced with Rafinha, so he took her hand and turned her around facing him.” I kept reading in a dramatic way while Neymar face palmed.

“C’mon, read it!” I laughed as I noticed it was his part.

“I need you, now. I need to know you are only mine.” Neymar read trying not to burst in to laugh.

“(y/n) didn’t say anything; she just placed her hands around Neymar’s neck and kissed him passionately. Neymar took her legs and placed them around him hips, as she slowly undressed his shirt.” As I read the last part, I decided to do as the story was, so I slowly undressed his shirt.

“Then she started kissing him all around his neck, driving him crazy at her touch.” I continued following the story and did the same to Neymar as it was written.

“This story better have a good finish” Neymar joked as he noticed what I was doing.

“Neymar took her in his room and slowly let her lay in his bed. He got on top of her…” Before I could finish Neymar moved me, getting on top of me, so we could get in to the story. I laughed and looked back at the screen to continue reading.

“…and made his way under her dress until he finally undressed her, leaving her just in her underwear.” I looked at Neymar as he started undressing me.

“She pulled him closer; her desire of his lips was not letting her wait. While the kiss was still passionate, he took off her bra.” At this moment, Neymar closed my laptop and placed it away.

“What about finishing the story in our way” Neymar winked and started kissing me around my bare body.

“I have to admit they do know us a little” I joked as he laughed and finished our own fanfiction in the way we do best.

After having fun thanks to one of the fanfictions, I decided to give Neymar’s fans something to joke about. Therefore, I took a picture of him sleeping next to my laptop with the fanfiction on the screen.

“He decided to make one of your fanfictions reality, I have to admit you guys know how to make him lose all the energy ;) @neymarjr “

Joe Sugg imagine | No Love part: 2. |

mrsniamhymurs45 said:
I’m begging you to make a part two for No Love! I badly need a part two, it was so skilfully and beautifully written and I would love to see more! Maybe even a happy ending for Y/N and Joe? This is just too good not to continue, it’s just a must continue story! 😍 but if your happy with how it is then you don’t have to write a part two but my feels are all over the place right now! Xx


Part I: http://imagines-joesugg.tumblr.com/post/127517719821/joe-sugg-imagine-no-love

As days went by into weeks and the weeks turned into months it became four months since you left the Jaspar flat and had spoken to Joe.
Unsurprisingly the gaming video you filmed was never posted - but one with a very similar concept was with Caspar as a guest.

It was now Christmas season, in fact Christmas Eve, you still lived in your hometown of Lacock - Wiltshire county, you had moved out of your parents house and had your own small flat.

Without much plans for Christmas as you were by yourself, your parents had moved to Spain a couple years ago… You had just planned on staying in pyjamas, eating unhealthy yet delicious foods and watching movies or Netflix.

“Mmm popcorn.” You said to yourself as the microwave popped it, you stood in pyjamas holding a bowl. You felt your phone vibrate and you reached into your pocket, bringing your phone to your face you seen Zoe had texted you;

* Zoe 💄 Sugg: Hiya (Y/N)! I’m home for Xmas with Alfie and dad mentioned you’re alone?!? That isn’t cool at all! You have to come over and spent it with us, dads cooking a massive bird as well! *

As you read over the message you felt your stomach dropping, thinking of how to get out of this without sounding rude, you replied to Zoe;

* You: Hey Zo, I appreciate the offer but I don’t want to intrude, besides I don’t have any gifts for anybody and I’m in the middle of this great movie! *

You sent off your reply as your microwave beeped and you placed the bowl down, taking the bag out you shook it around before opening it and pouring the buttery goodness into the awaiting bowl.

You didn’t made it to the bin with the empty bag and your phone started vibrating across the counter. You quickly tossed the bag and darted back before it had the chance to vibrate itself off the counter onto the awaiting floor.

“Oh Jesus.” You said inhaling you accepted the call and brought the phone to your ear. “Hello Zoe.” You said looked out your flats kitchen window. A slushy white dusting covered the ground.

“You can pause your movie. You pack a bag and you get your behind over here! You will not be spending Christmas alone!” Zoe sounded serious on the other end of the phone.

“But, Zoe… It’s fine, I appreciate it!” You added again really not wanting to come across as ungrateful. “No, you be here within the half hour; were going sledging. Honestly I’m surprised Joe hasn’t texted you yet and invited you.”

You almost dropped the phone. “Joes there? I mean - of course yeah, it’s his house.” You shook your head mentally bringing the slap back for asking such a stupid question aloud.

“Are you okay?” Zoe asked now with a more curious tone. “Fine, just trying to pack!” You changed the subject. “Good! See you soon!” Zoe said brightly hanging up.

“What the hell did I just get myself into?” You looked at your popcorn and sighed placing the bowl in the sink, you went into your room, changing into your basic go to outfit before pulling on a pair of splash pants and a somewhat thick jacket.

You put some clothes into a bag, grabbed your MacBook and chargers. Before your keys - you left your flat.

Stopping at the only shop still open on Christmas Eve too grabbed gift cards, everyone likes a gift card…

You pulled into the Sugg driveway, turned off your car and set there for a long minute staring at Joes car, you remembered the late nights driving around in that car, the drives to school - even taking it for your license!

You walked to the front door and knocked. Zoe bounced to the door and smiled, “since when do you knock?” She asked, even she could tell something wasn’t right with the situation. “It’s been a while, sorry.” You offered and she laughed, you walked inside and put your bag down.

You hadn’t been here in what felt like decades, nothing had changed - there was still a slight dent in the door frame of the living room which was caused by your head slamming into it with a bike helmet after perhaps one too many beers one parentless weekend.

You greeted Daddy Sugg and spoke to him for a bit trying to avoid the man you’d proclaimed your love for and was shut down immediately…

* Joes POV *

Sat in my room, I looked at the little bits I still had here. “Christ.” I said seeing the faded lines of a black sharpie on the wall. “Got in trouble for that one.” I said to myself.

“No you didn’t. (Y/N) did.” Zoe stood in the doorway and I looked at her.

“You were absolutely drunk out of your mind! Remember? You were over at Tara Murphys, got drunk on her parents homemade wine, called (Y/N) at two in the morning to pick you up, she snuck you back home without mom and dad waking up and busting you - you drew a big dick on your wall and when dad found it, she took the blame, her parents grounded her for the month nearly.” Zoe finished the recollection.

“Oh… Yeah. I remember now.” I hadn’t realised how many memories I shared with (Y/N), how many times she’s saved my ass from a good old fashioned ‘parental lashing’ … How many times I leaned on her for support for any crazy idea and she was always there, one hundred percent - all the time without question.

I guess you don’t realise things like that until there’s a possibility someone might not be that person anymore.

“How could you forget? That girls gone out of her way to do anything for you. It’s not like she could say likewise.” Zoe crossed her arms.

“What do you mean?” I looked up at my older sister quickly with eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

“Honestly Joe, you’re hopeless sometimes.” Zoe shook her head her umbrae hair was down and fell around her shoulders. “All the times you ditched your so called best friend because a cute girl invited you out or around…”

“Zoe, she told me she loved me!” I didn’t want to hear anymore of her hard facts. “When?” Zoe asked confused.

“A few months ago, we were filming at my flat, she confessed her love for me.” My fingers ran into my hair pulling at it slightly.

“That’s unfortunate for her.” Zoe put her hands on her hips. “Pardon?” I blinked at her.
“Yeah, I feel bad for her, you don’t choose who you fall in love with Joe, let’s face it it’s not like you deserve it. I mean you’re my brother and I love you but… You can be a real dick sometimes, especially to your friends.”

“I.” I started to speak but Zoe continued, “I think you must love her a little bit more then a friend or you wouldn’t be up here pining over the situation.” Zoe shrugged.

“Hey! Are we going sledging or what?!” Alfie called up the stairs.
“Yes we are!” Zoe said brightly putting an end to the conversation … Well, more a her reeming me out a bit.

“I hate when she’s right.” I whispered as Zoe left my bedroom…

* Your POV *

Standing on top of the slushy snow covered hill, you guys had taken turns sledging down and seeing who could go the fastest.

Trying to not dwell on the past you did manage to enjoy yourself. “Let’s have another race - me and Zoe verse Joe and you.” Alfie said.

“YEAH!” Zoey said brightly throwing her hands up in the air with excitement from the front of the sled.

Glancing at the sled you shrugged a bit. “Why not.” You smiled.

“Hop on my carriage.” Joe said gesturing for you to get on.

“You need to be in front, you’ve got the shorter legs.” You pointed out and he shook his head. “It’ll be fine, come on.”

“Joe, the sled will tip.” You knew it would but climbed on the front crossing your legs over, you tensed as Joe climbed on behind you, his arms came around either side of you and grabbed the front of the sled.

You pushed off with your hands when Alfie yelled GO and halfway down the hill like you called, you felt the sled turning to the side before tipping and the pair of you went flying into the shallow snow.

You landed on your back the wind knocked out of you, you took a minute to catch your breath, feeling the cold slush on your face. “Ow.” You admitted looking up at the overcast evening sky.

“Are you okay?” Joe had crawled over to you, his face looking down at yours. “Peachy.” You closed your eyes and blinked a couple times as flakes of snow from an overhead tree started to fall off.

“Listen, (Y/N)… I have to tell you, I didn’t realise before but, you are the best friend a person could ask for, Zoe made me realise, I do love you … as a best friend… A best friend Id want to spent the rest of my life with, because - what are couples suppose to be but best friends.” He explained.

“Joe.” You started but you couldn’t say anything further as you felt his cool lips press down against yours.

Your eyes had closed when your lips touched, you lent up slightly into his kiss, your hand brushed up the back of his neck, knocking the hat he wore off into the snow, your fingers twisted gently into his hair.

Joe ran his hand up and down the side of your jacket, moving up slightly to make the kiss a bit deeper.

Carefully the kiss ended and you opened your eyes again, “I’m sorry if I hurt you before, it was never my intention. I just didn’t see what amazing thing I had in front of me. It took a kick in the arse from my sister to put it into perspective.” He admitted, brushing a melting snowflake off your cheek.

“I forgive you.” You broke down almost.

“I love you, (Y/N).” Joe kissed the tip of your cold nose softly. “I love you, too Joe.” You smiled.

He pulled you to stand with him and you both turned your head and noticed Zoe and Alfie staring from the top of the hill…

The next morning sitting around the Christmas tree, you sat with Joe, snuggled close with a content smile on your face. Joes fingers massaging small circles on your thigh.

You both glanced up as his mom and dad walked into the room and stared at the two of you.

“About time.” His dad nodded approvingly…

REVEALED TRUTH

This is the second part to “Hidden Truth”, I’m posting it now because I am leaving tonight to celebrate Christmas with my family until tomorrow night, so I won’t be able to post. I decided I wouldn’t make you wait on this one and give you the second part immediatly since there will be no imagines tomorrow! I wish you all an early merry Christmas! You have probably been the best thing that happened to me this year, including Joe and the buttercream squad. Thank you for all your love xx

Part 2 of Hidden Truth

WARNING: SENSITIVE SUBJECT

It had been now over a week since I’ve been staying at Joe’s house. He had been an absolute sweetheart to me, I mean, he always have but ever since I showed up at his house in tears,he was treating me like a princess and it meant the world to me. I had to admit that for the past few months, where things were completely out of control with Tyler and I only developed hate towards him, I’ve felt something I’ve never felt before. Maybe something called love towards my best friend and it was scaring me to death because whenever our hands would accidentally touch, I would feel shivers all over my body. And this never happened with Tyler or anyone else before. 

As I was sitting on a chair next to the pool watching my friends having their own fun and hearing their beautiful laughs, I was writing in what teenagers would have called a diary but it was not exactly that. After he broke my heart,I began writing a lot. I wrote and wrote and I’ve described him as a hurricane, a drug. Now that I’ve started to move on,I don’t see him that way anymore. He wasn’t anything above ordinary,he was just a boy. A boy who abused my kindness and love and that was that. 

My upper body was covered with one of Joe’s sweatshirt that I bought him a long while ago and I wore a short since the bruises on my legs were all gone unlike the ones on my stomach,arms and back. That was the secret I haven’t told anyone. I haven’t seen my brothers in a while and I missed them a lot but if they knew that I’ve been hit and abused by Tyler since the last 4 months, they would lose their minds.

JOE’S POV:

Oli and I were fighting in the pool and laughing like crazy as Caspar was vlogging us. I looked over to see Y/N  standing next to the pool, writing something. I noticed her outfit and I couldn’t understand why the hell she was wearing a sweatshirt when it was 40°© outside. I took a minute to admire her beauty. She was so focused on her writing. She had her hair in a messy bun and it was my favourite haircut of hers. I had to admit that having her around for the past week was amazing. Having the company of your best friend felt great, plus I could easily picture the two of us living in the house for the rest of my life. 

I felt Caspar hit me in the arm and I break out from my stare. “When are you going to make a move on her? Look at you,staring at her like a creepy stalker.” Caspar exclaimed and they both laughed. “Shut up.” I rolled my eyes and made my way towards her,swimming. I threw a bit of water towards her and she stopped writing. “Hey!” She whined with a smile. Oh my god, her smile made me bubble up on the inside. “Come on and join us. It’s like boiling hot, right now.” I laughed and her expression completely changed, she just looked down, not glancing at me or even giving me a small smile. She got up. “I’m fine,I’m just,um, going to get something to drink.” She said and walked off quickly into the house. I frowned at her reaction. Something was wrong. “Well done,buddy.” Oli said and they laughed. 

I just ignored them and got out of the pool. I noticed that there wasn’t any towel. I made my way towards the glass door and Y/N stood there. “Would you mind giving me a towel?” I gently asked and she smiled and bend down to the couch to take the towel. As she bend down,my eyes got wide as I noticed something that looked like a bruise on the small of her back. I felt myself filled with worry and anger. I truly hoped it wasn’t what I thought it was. “What’s that on your back?” I asked,frowning and her face turned pale. “There’s nothing on my back.” She answered but her voice cracked and I knew her all too well, she was nervous. She handed me the towel and I put it around my shoulders. She was about to leave but I grabbed her wrist. “Please, don’t lie to me.” I said dryly, still holding her arm. “Joe,it’s nothing.” She said, her eyes not meeting mine and I knew she was lying when she avoided my glance. I let her go and she walked towards the couch. “Y/N, please.” I said, still staring at her upper body. “I’m not lying to you.” She almost yelled at me and I couldn’t stand her lying like that. 

I quickly walked towards her and pulled up the jumper she was wearing. She tried to stop me but she knew I was a lot stronger and I felt my heart shrink as my eyes felt on the marks on her stomach. “What the bloody hell is this?” I snapped at her and I was sure that the boys heard but I didn’t even care. She took a step back by surprise and I could see that she was panicking but I was so pissed. I took a deep breath trying to calm myself down and got closer to her slowly. “Take it off.” I ordered and she wasn’t saying anything. She just looked down. I knew she was wearing her swimsuit,I could see the lace of it on the back of her neck. “Joe-” She tried to speak but I cut her off. “Just take it off.” I snapped again and she just sighed and pulled the jumper off. My jaw dropped as I saw more and more bruises on her arms and her back. I could feel the blood getting hot through my veins from anger and shock. As my eyes examined her body, she made a step back. “Who did that to you?” I asked in a softer voice even though I wanted to scream at her for not telling me. She kept looking down and it was getting on my last nerve. “Y/N, look at me and tell me who the hell did that to you?” I snapped and she suddenly looked up to me and when our glances met, I swear I could read her mind. “It’s him,isn’t it? It’s this fucking prick?” I snapped again and she nodded. I just let my hands go above my head and I was so fucking pissed. Not at her but at him. “How long has he been hitting you?” I asked, not yelling this time. “4 months.” She answered and her voice cracked. “Why didn’t you tell me? I would have kicked his ass!” I snapped again and it seemed like it was all I could do. “Why? Am I not supposed to be your best friend? We’ve known each other for years! How could you not tell me about this?” I yelled and it was clear that my words were hurting her but that’s not what I wanted. She didn’t answer, she just kept looking at me. I could see some tears coming out of her eyes and I felt bad for reacting this way.

I sighed and got closer. “I’m sorry. It’s just..pissing me off.” I said, accentuating the word ‘pissing’. “Because I love you.” She whispered and I frowned. “What?” I whispered back and our glances met again. “I didn’t tell you because I love you.” She said with tears streaming down on her face just as fast as they were the day she showed up at my door. “That’s also why you’re the first person I went to when I ran away from his flat.” And this time I was the one being quiet. My anger suddenly took off and my heart started to race. “And that’s also why I lied to you about what happened. I didn’t want you to freak out like you just did.” She managed to say between her tears. Even when she cries she’s beautiful. I felt like my heart was going to explode. “It’s because I’m in love with you.” She said and my heart skipped a beat. She loved me too. I’ve never felt such an amazing and overwhelming feeling. I was still so pissed and shocked and freaked out about what I just found out but her words were soothing. She suddenly wrapped her arms around my chest and I was afraid to touch her just like she was made of glass but I slowly wrapped my arms around her as well. I sighed and kissed her forehead. “I love you too.” I whispered and her head looked up to me with a small smile. I smiled as well and I was just about to lean in when I heard the guys coming in and we both pulled away from our embrace.

YOUR POV:

{Later that day ; 10:30pm}

After Joe ‘invited’ my brothers over and I explained everything to them and our friends, I sat outside on the couch that Joe had put here. Conor was absolutely freaking out about Tyler, he wanted to beat the crap out of him when Jack was more concerned about how I was feeling and about the bruises. They all wanted me to go to the hospital but I didn’t. All I wanted was to forget about everything and just spend time with the people I love. I held a blanket over my shoulders because it was a bit cold at night. 

I suddenly heard someone joining me. I looked up and saw Joe smiling. He was wearing the jumper I borrowed to hide the bruises this afternoon. He sat down next to me. “Are you okay?” He nicely asked and I nodded. “Yeah. I’m just thinking.” I answered and flashed him a smile. “I’m sorry about earlier.” He said and looked down. I frowned,looking at him. “For what?” I asked and he sighed. “Yelling at you.” He answered, looking up to meet my eyes. “It’s fine. You don’t have to be sorry, Joe.” I admitted and he just shook his head. “Of course, I have to.” He said and smiled. 

He stared at me for a minute and I frowned with a smirk. “What are you looking at?” I asked and his eyes met mine again. “Just you.” He said and couldn’t keep his eyes off my face. His answer made me blush. “You’re so beautiful, Y/N.” He said and leaned in slowly,looking between my lips and eyes. “And I am so in love with you.” He added and I felt my chest tightened from his words. 

I closed my eyes and felt our lips collide. One of his hand made its way to my cheek and pulled me deeper in the kiss, which was slow, steady and magical. I felt this butterflies in my stomach and it was one of the best thing I’ve ever felt. Probably the best thing actually. After a long minute, we both pulled away to catch some breath. “Wow.” Joe breathed out and smiled. Our foreheads were touching. “I never thought our first kiss would be that intense.” He whispered and it made me laugh. “Me neither.” I whispered back and we both chuckled before we kissed again and all of the previous actions were forgotten for the best.

Imagine #12

Oki! I don’t know how I feel about this one, but I did say that this was just supposed to be light writing so yea. I hope you guys like it anyway!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I sat on my bed roll, the sound of rain pattering against the roof of my tree house and the soft glow of the lantern set a very cozy atmosphere. The flash of occasional lightening followed by a distant clap of thunder contributed greatly to the soothing feeling of the night. I rather liked thunderstorms, so much so that sometimes I stay up until sunrise or until the storm has began to subside. Tonight felt like one of those nights where I wouldn’t be getting any sleep. Not that I minded.

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You told me you loved me so why did you go away? - Harry Styles One-Shot

*This is the part 2 for the ‘All that I know is I don’t know how to be something you miss’. You don’t need to read the first part to understand this one. 

Part 1

Harry had got home from a long and exhausting day at the studio. All he wanted to do was sleep for the next twelve hours. But, of course, that wouldn’t be happening.

Laying on the floor of his apartment, right in front of his door, there was a letter.

He didn’t need much to know who had send it. The only person who would ever send him a letter would be you. It almost made him cry right on the spot, to see that you had taken your time to write him a letter even after everything he put you through. 

‘Letters are special. I would only write one to someone I really loved or I really hated.’ you once said to him and in the moment he could’t help but think that you were writing because he was the later. 

 So Harry did what he thought it was right. He grabbed the letter, sat on the couch and started reading. 


Dear Harry, 

How formal and old do I look by sending you a handwritten letter? But again, you always told me that my soul was probably really old and wise. Something about the way I love letters, books written by someone who has died a long time ago and anything that is related to at least 200 years ago.

I wanted to believe you when you told me that we were meant to be. When you pulled me closer to you and told me stories about how you knew how our love was written in the stars. 

I should’ve know better than believing you. 

I was so sure that you would never hurt me or lie to me, that never crossed my mind you had been telling me child’s story. 

Love written in the stars? Old souls? Meeting through time in different lives? None of this is true.

I was so happy to finally get my happy ever after, that I’ve became blind to what was truly happening. I was blind to see that these kind of stuff only happen in fairytales. 

But this is over now. 

It was over the minute you walked out of my life, four months ago, without as much as a goodbye. All that I got was your key above the kitchen table and the sound of my heart breaking. 

Do you remember when we were on our second date? I do. 

You asked me ’(Y/N), what would you be if you could be anything in the world?’ and I told you I had always wanted to be a writer. 

But I guess the reason behind me wanting to be a writer was because I wanted to give someone the happy ending I knew I would never get. And to think that for a minute I actually thought I was going to get my happy ending. But we talked about this already. 

I guess you could say I don’t really know what I’m doing here. All I know is that, right now, is currently 2AM and it’s raining and I missed you today more that I missed you the day after you left.

I think I’m bound to miss you more and more until I die. Because I tried moving on, I really did and guess what? It didn’t work. 

You ruined me to everyone else as cliche as it sounds. 

Every time I go on a date or hook up with some stranger, part of me can’t help but feel disgusted with myself, because they are not you. 

I know I should not compare them to you, because you never compared me to anyone. In fact, you didn’t even think of me, did you? I mean, if you really thought of me, you would have turned your back on that girl right when you met her, but instead you took her home. 

Answer me truthfully. You told me you loved me, so why did you go away?

Because this is all I can think about since you told me you wanted to break up. It’s what I was thinking when I left you that stupid voicemail you never bothered answering, the same way you will never answer this letter. 

For so long I wanted to believe this was all my fault. But it finally hit me. It’s not my fault. It’s yours and only yours. 

My only mistake here was wearing my heart on my sleeve. I am afraid that this the reason I will never fall in love again. Because, Harry, I always wore my heart on my sleeve. Until there was nothing left to use. 

You took the last piece of it even after I had warned you. I told you that I wouldn’t be able to take another heartbreak. Even after this, you still went out of your away to make me fall for you, only to hurt me. 

Now I’m left alone and not knowing what to do. 

I’m only a shell of the girl you met and for that I can only blame you. I hope you are happy with the girl you left me for. I hope you read this. And I hope that when you do, you laugh at me for being so pathetic. 

Because the thought of hurting you makes me sick and I don’t want that. I don’t know what I want. 

In the end, this is me, babbling again like I did two months ago over the phone. This is me showing you that I don’t know where to go from here. 

’(Y/N), I love you. I will never, ever leave or hurt you. I promise.’ you told me once. I guess I was blind to all your lies too. 

But before I end this, I will tell you a story. 

Once upon a time, there was the sun and the moon. They were each other’s everything, one not being able to shine without the help of the other. Until one day the sun realized that he didn’t need the moon to shine, that he could do it all by himself. But the sun liked knowing someone needed him, so he stayed. That was until he found another planet that needed him as much as the moon did. So he left the moon. He left her alone and in the dark. Without the sun, the moon had no power to shine and was slowly dying, while watching the sun shine as bright as ever. In the end, all she could do was stay there and hope setting her sun free was the best choice she could make. All she could hope was that he would shine so bright that it would rub off on her even if just a little bit. 

This time I meant it. I’m letting you go. 

Goodbye, 

Yours truly, (Y/N). 

Tears streamed down Harry’s face and his sobs were so loud, he thought the neighbors could hear. His heart was breaking and never once had he regretted something so much in his whole life. 

“What have I done?” he asked himself, the letter long forgotten in the floor and his mind racing with horrible thoughts. 

He wanted to call her, reach out for her. But could he? After everything he put her through, could he really do that?

Maybe the answer was no, but he did it anyway.

And as he waited for her to pick up her cellphone, the only sound you could hear besides his sobs was his voice cracking as he repeated like a broken record:

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”


Masterlist / Request

*I think it’s pretty obvious by now that I love writing sad stories. Okay, so I got a few requests about doing a part 2 for this story and I didn’t quite know what to do. I felt like giving them a happy ending was a bit too much so I decided to throw at you more sad stuff. Please, give me feed back on this. It means a lot when you guys do.

**Also, I know that I haven’t been posting much, but my life is upside down right now. So expect more sad stories because this is how I feel. 

***I AM WRITING A BOOK!! Just wanted to share. 

Love you <3

You get into a fight but your pregnant and he doesn’t know ~ Cameron Dallas Imagine

Anonymous said to mmagcon101:Hello ❤️ Can you please do an imagine where you’re dating Cameron and you guys get in a fight and he leaves but you don’t tell him that you are pregnant ? And then like you go in to labor and he’s not there ? Thanks . I hope you are Having a great day/night 😛💜

I am having an amazing day  !! Thank you so much for the request sorry it took so long it is pretty long and i had other request to do first Thank you so much !! .

“Really Cameron, Really “ i said I am arguing with my boyfriend “what Y/N I’m going i need to it’s work how do you expect bills to be paid huh ‘ He said back now sitting on the couch . “Cameron you could of said no you just got back 2 days ago and it’s not that easy staying around here for 1 month making sure everything is how it need’s to be and going to the post office and lugging like 10 full boxes almost the size of me up stairs and bringing them in here, But you know what fine go a head I mean you don’t have any responsibilities “ i said walking away ‘you know what I’ll even help you pack” I said pulling out his suit case, It just get’s me mad because he acts like he can just get up and go and leave me here to make sure bill’s are paid , to bring in his mail and act like his manager when all I do is stay in this house and take care of his thing’s . “ you know what Y/N I’m sorry I didn’t realize that I was leaving a lot of responsibilities behind, But i need to go it’s only 3 months ok we can make it and i’ll give you money for the bills ok “ he said giving me a kiss on the forehead.”when do you leave ?’ I asked “tomorrow  “ He said  putting some clothes in his suit case.”well i’m gonna go take a shower”, I said walking towards me and Cameron’s a bathroom, But I got a sudden sharp pain in  my stomach so I winced a little, and I guess Cam heard me “you alright babe “ He asked” yeah I’m fine just period cramps  “ I said continuing my way the the bathroom. I heard Cam say “that’s why she’s so moody ‘ That helped a little.,when I got in the bathroom I turned on the shower and stripped my clothes off I just stared at my growing belly in the mirror “Y/N you have to tell him he deserves to know “ I though to myself but the more stubborn side of me didn’t want to I just wanted to wait a little longer and than I’ll tell him. I’m surprised he hasn’t noticed I usually never wear bagging clothes and things but He hasn’t really been here I still can’t believe  I am 2 months pregnant.       

~ after shower ~ 

“hey babe I’m going to bed “ I said getting snuggled in the blanket, 2 minutes after I closed my eyes I felt Cameron’s warm hands around my wast and his soft lip’s leaving trail’s along my neck, “Cameron stop “ I said my brain knew I shouldn’t but my body was saying something completly different”oh come on we aren’t going to see each other for 3 month’s just one more time pleas “ he begged “Cameron I’m on my period “ was the excuse I used but I was thinking this is what got us in this mess anyway’s.”ok fine but we can still cuddle right ?’ he asked “yes that actually would be great right now “ I said letting him wrap his arms around me even tighter, It felt really good because I was having really bad cramps .

~ 1 month later ~ 

it’s been 1 month since Cameron left and i’m now 3 months pregnant and It feels so weird that he still has no idea he is going to be a dad, Me and him have Face timed a couple of times, and it’s been really hard  trying to seem normal I’ve been posting old pictures I haven’t posted . just to seem more normal . 

~ Face timing ~

“hey babe I don’t wanna offend you or anything but you are always wearing baggy clothes when we face time and i’m just wondering why “ he asked, as soon as he said baggy clothes I knew what was coming . “ they are just more comfortable, and I like wearing them for pajama’s and we usually face time at night “ was actually an honest excuse but there is another reason . “should I tell him he is gonna find out sooner or later “ i thought to myself .

~ the next day ~

I asked my best friend Arden to come to my doctor’s appointment she’s the only one that knows . she’s picking me up at 12 and it’s 10;30 so i need to start waking up . I did my normal routine,shower,brush my teeth, eat and than get dressed I changed into this . 
        

~ at doctors ~ 

“Hi Mrs.( your last name ) so your here for your 3-4 month check up “ my Doctor said “yes I am oh and can you tell me the due date pleas “ I asked my doctor. “yes I Can “ the doter said getting the gel ready, she than put it all over my stomach and moved around the sensor all over my stomach after about 5 minutes “alright i’m gonna see what what the due date is and i’ll be back to inform you “ My doctor said gathering the final paperwork.

~ 15 min later ~

“alright Mrs.(your last name ) , It looks like the baby is going to be coming a little early I’m thinking within the next month, Now keep in mind the baby most likly going to be premature so it will need a lot of prayers and need to stay in the incubator until it can breath on it’s own “ my doctor said “oh ok that was a lot of information to take in at once, I need to tell Cameron “ i mumbled the last part.       

~ 1 month later ~

The baby still hasn’t come yet and I still haven’t told Cameron I decided i would tell him in person rather than over a Face time, I hope he isn’t mad that I have kept it from him for so long . I was scared and didn’t know what to do I mean he is never home and what if he leaves us, there were so many thought’s going through my head it was hard to think straight. My thoughts were interrupted by my phone going off I looked at the caller Id and it was Cam.

Y/N~ “hey babe” 

Cam ~ “baby guess what?’

Y/N ~ “what?”

Cam~ “I’m coming home tomorrow, I was trying to surprise you but I couldn’t hold it in any longer “ 

Y/N ~ “aww honey I can’t wait !! “ I said trying to sound as real as possible

~ 2 hour’s later ~

After talking to Cameron for 2 hours, I need to think of a way to tell him but I’m note sure I only have a couple of hours to think this through since I have to pick him up from the airport . I was excited for him to come home But than again i wasn’t i know he is going to be mad at me.

~ Airport ~ 

I am waiting for Cameron To get off the plane he landed already, I decided I’m just going to flat out tell him that I’m pregnant and I’ve known for a while and the baby is going to be coming anytime now could that sound any worse .

“Y/N “ i heard from a distance and I knew it was Cameron. I looked forward and there he was he looked very handsome “Hi baby “ I said giving him a kiss, as he wrapped his arms around me. “i have missed you so much” he said hugging me tighter . “Cam I have something to tell you but we’ll save that for the car “ I said holding his hand. “ok” .

~ in the car ~ 

“so what did you want to tell me “ Cameron asked taking a sip oh his water “ok now this isn’t easy to say actually I’m kind of scared to tell you. I was interrupted by a sharp pain in my stomach  and by the sudden feeling of liquid running down my legs. i clutched my stomach “Y/N are you ok “ Cameron asked holding my shoulder “My water broke, we need to go to the hospital” I said still holding my stomach “your not even pregnant “ H said with the most confused face ever. ‘I’ll explain later just take me to the hospital “ I said. “ok “ he said stepping on the gas.

~ after birth ~ 

“congratulations it’s a girl !! “ the doctor said rushing for her to get cleaned and put in the incubator.’ is she gonna be ok ” I said tears starting to rush down my face “honey don’t worry she’ll be fine “ Cameron said rubbing my head “yes she is going to be just fine ok we are just going to the incubator ‘ the nurse said I know this is the worst time, But Cam I was pregnant and I’ve know for a while and I was just scared you would leave “ I said taking a heavy breath that was a lot of work but Cameron supported me through the whole thing “I knew !! “ was all he said with a smile on his face “what how “ I asked “I saw the test and you never wear big T-shirt’s, or refuse you know us time ‘  He said proud of himself. “I actually got some things while I was in New York “ He seemed excited “Cameron you are the best boyfriend a girl could ask for, I love you” I said rubbing his neck.

~ 2 months later ~

It’s been 2 months and (your daughters name) Is just perfecta and me and Cameron are better than ever before.

What should I do about Youtube?

My Google Youtube rep contacted me the other day. They were nice and took time to explain everything clearly to me, but the message was firm: I have to decide. I need to sign on to the new Youtube music services agreement or I will have my Youtube channel blocked.

This new music service agreement covers my Content ID account and it includes mandatory participation in Youtube’s new subscription streaming service, called Music Key, along with all that participation entails. Here are some of the terms I have problems with:

1) All of my catalog must be included in both the free and premium music service. Even if I don’t deliver all my music, because I’m a music partner, anything that a 3rd party uploads with my info in the description will be automatically included in the music service too.

2) All songs will be set to “montetize”, meaning there will be ads on them.

3) I will be required to release new music on Youtube at the same time I release it anywhere else. So no more releasing to my core fans first on Bandcamp and then on iTunes.

4) All my catalog must be uploaded at high resolution, according to Google’s standard which is currently 320 kbps.

5) The contract lasts for 5 years.

I can’t think of another streaming service that makes such demands. And if I don’t sign? My Youtube channel will be blocked and I will no longer be able to monetize (how I hate that word) 3rd party videos through Content ID.

I told the rep I’m happy with Content ID as it is. Can’t I just continue to participate in Content ID and not be a part of Music Key?

No. The rep said they can’t have music in the free version that is not in the paid version, it would be bad for their users. All music content has to be licensed under this new agreement.

How many 3rd party videos are there? As of today there are 9,696 videos and last month those videos had 250,000 (*1) monthly views. The Content ID robot sucks up more videos every day.

I got started with Content ID a couple of years ago when someone from Youtube reached out to me and I was offered a content management account to “claim” the soundtracks of these videos. The videos are dance performances, documentaries, amateur films, slideshows, animations, art projects, soundtracks to people doing things like skiing, miming, calligraphy or just playing video games. I love the variety of them all. Who knew there could be so many different ways to dance to my music? The video with the most views (1 million) is a demo reel by the Game of Thrones post production team.

In the majority of these videos the creator was really supposed to obtain a sync license from me but I think a lot of people don’t know. It’s daunting and cumbersome and confusing when all you want to do is add music to slides of your art portfolio. I have a licensing agent who handles the big stuff but there is not enough money in these usages for him and I wouldn’t have time to manage all the requests. Content ID feels like an awkward work around (the language the video uploaders see can be very alarming to them), but it solves a problem.

Here’s how it works: I upload my music and the Content ID robot identifies matches. I never block anyone’s videos or stop them from using the music except for special cases, like videos from hate groups or unauthorized product advertisements. Once Content ID finds a video with my music in it I can decide if I want to just track the video, or “monetize” it, i.e. put Dorito ads on it. That doesn’t always seem appropriate but if I do decide to monetize a video, or if the uploader already had ads on it, Google gives the majority of the ad revenue to them and about a third to me for the soundtrack. It really doesn’t pay very much but it does put “Zoe Keating” and a song title in the description of every video…in other words, credit.

One thing I don’t have on Youtube is music videos I’ve made myself. I don’t have a good explanation for why I’ve never made a music video but as I started work on my new album in 2013 I made a few quick videos about my life for my fans, meaning to make that a regular occurrence. I also thought I’d make a couple music videos to go with the new album.

But then my life changed. My husband Jeff was mysteriously and increasingly ill until in May 2014, he was diagnosed with stage IV non-smokers lung cancer. For most of last year I cared for him and our son and was unable to work much, let alone tour. Making videos was the last thing on my mind. When Jeff’s health stabilized in the fall I started working as a TV composer (for a show called “The Returned”, it airs on A&E on March 9). Working on the show has offered a much-needed creative outlet, steady pay and allowed me to stay close to home (his health is still fragile and we’re living in the moment but I am going to try to get that album out this year).

Anyway, a year ago my Youtube rep let me know there was a new music service coming and she sent along a new agreement. I read it and raised my concerns and asked if I could return the contract with those particular terms struck out. Alas no but the product folks seemed genuinely curious about my concerns and I had a phone meeting with them. The meeting was similar to one I had with DA Wallach of Spotify a couple years ago. Similar in that I got the sense that no matter how I explained my hands-on fan-supported anti-corporate niche thing, I was an alien to them. I don’t think they understood me at all.

The catalog commitment is the biggest issue for me. All these years I’ve yet to participate fully in any streaming service although I’ve chosen to give a handful of recordings to a few of them. If anyone wants more and they balk at paying for it, they can always stream all my music for free on Bandcamp(*2) or Soundcloud or they can torrent it (I uploaded my music to Pirate Bay myself many years ago). I’ve heard all the arguments about why artists should make all their music available for streaming in every possible service. I also know the ecosystem of music delivery made a shift away from downloading last year. Streaming is no longer advertising for something else, it is the end product. It’s convenient. Convenience is king. Yup, got all that, thanks.

This is the important part: it is my decision to make.

Is such control too much for an artist to ask for in 2015? It’s one thing for individuals to upload all my music for free listening (it doesn’t bother me). It’s another thing entirely for a major corporation to force me to. I was encouraged to participate and now, after I’m invested, I’m being pressured into something I don’t want to do.

I re-evaluate and change my mind all the time and I might decide to put everything everywhere at some point. But I want to decide what to do when. That is a major reason why I decided in 2005 to self-publish rather than chase after a record deal. I am independent because I didn’t want a bunch of men in suits deciding how I should release my music (*3). For 10 years I have managed to bushwhack a circuitous path around them but now I’ve got to find a away around the men in hoodies and crocs (I’m sorry, that was low, but that story was so funny).

The Youtube music service was introduced to me as a win win and they don’t understand why I don’t see it that way. “We are trying to create a new revenue stream on top of the platform that exists today.” A lot of people in the music industry talk about Google as evil. I don’t think they are evil. I think they, like other tech companies, are just idealistic in a way that works best for them. I think this because I used to be one of them (*4). The people who work at Google, Facebook, etc can’t imagine how everything they make is not, like, totally awesome. If it’s not awesome for you it’s because you just don’t understand it yet and you’ll come around. They can’t imagine scenarios outside their reality and that is how they inadvertently unleash things like the algorithmic cruelty of Facebook’s yearly review (which showed me a picture I had posted after a doctor told me my husband had 6-8 weeks to live).

I’ve been invited to play at Google twice. I went to the World Economic Forum in Davos last year and bumped into Eric Schmidt (not a croc-wearer) in the crowded halls. I was introduced to him a few months later at Google Zeitgeist (where I performed before a talk by Bill Clinton) but I doubt he has any recollection of me. So I might be well-connected but in the end I am a nobody.

What should I do? As much as it makes me grind my teeth, does having all my music forced onto Youtube’s music service really just not matter all that much? Should I just close my eyes and think of England?

Maybe after writing this blog Google will make the choice for me. They will block my channel and I will have to decide whether to block those 9,696 videos….and anger 9,696 fans. The usual people will talk about it for a day or two (*5) and then it and I will be forgotten.

Anyone starting up a new video service?

Footnotes:

(*1) I know it is not the same thing but it’s interesting that my monthly number of Pandora spins is also about 250,000. I’m allowed to talk about how much that pays, about $324 (sound recording + artist payment combined). It’s a violation of my agreement to say how much a comparable number of Youtube plays pays.

(*2) Here is something weird. Until yesterday a search for “Zoe Keating” would yield a Google Knowledge Graph box on the right with all my info, including links to listen to my music. It always bugged me that those links were only to Google Play, Rhapsody and Spotify, all services which have hardly any of my music in them. If the metadata about me is really pure, why not link to the only services that actually have all my music? i.e. Bandcamp, SoundCloud and iTunes? I know the links were there yesterday because I searched to get the list for this blog. As of today, there are no music links whatsoever. Ideas?

(*3) Real things said to me by men in suits in 2004: “This could have potential if it had vocals.” “I don’t see a market for this”. “We need a sexy photo of you naked with your cello on top of you.”

(*4) I came of age in San Francisco working at a software startup during the dot com boom. The cyberpunks and the geeks were my friends. We worked together, we lived together, we raved together. Yes, a lot of what motivated us was the golden handcuffs (i.e. a salary of stock options only good in a future IPO) but I remember being motivated by the idea of technology changing the world for the better. Sometimes it felt like we were revolutionaries. Unfortunately a lot of those ideals, if they still exist, have become…corrupted is too strong a word….subsumed. The revolution has been corporatized.

(*5) Now commence the usual commentary about stupid artists and their entitled attitudes ;-)

UPDATE: 24 Jan

I’ve been in the midst of a medical crisis. It’s been horrible, an MRI found 25+ new mets in my husbands brain yesterday. It’s the first time the cancer has grown since it was discovered last year and we need a new plan.

I didn’t realize until late last night how widespread my blog went. Some people are saying that surely I must have misinterpreted what Google said to me. I based what I wrote off the transcript of our conversation ( after 9 months of dealing with the health insurance company I’ve gotten good at taking transcripts).

The rep said Google would “have to block my channel” if I didn’t sign the new music services agreement. They went on to say that if didn’t sign the agreement and wanted to keep my videos up I would have to unlink my channel so that it is not connected to the music agreement and then make a new channel under their regular non-music partner terms. In other words if I wanted to upload my own videos to youtube i would have to create a new account so my own music could be treated not like a partner account but like 3rd party videos (who would get the soundtrack share of the revenue I wonder?)

“the music terms are outdated and the content that you uploaded will be blocked. But anything that we can scan and match from other users will be matched in content ID and you can track it but won’t be able to participate in revenue sharing.”

"All music content has to be licensed under this new agreement. We can’t have music in the free version that is not in the paid version”

I had them explain it again to be sure.

“Wow, that’s a bit harsh,” I said.

“Yeah, I know,“ they said.