Of course I still miss you, of course I still love you. Of course the only thing I still want is to talk to you. It never dampened, never waned, that choice to take a chance on each other we made. That light you emanate still blinds and burns me to my core, and when you left kept me hollow, desperate, yearning for more. I left because you wanted me to, I left because I knew you were hurting, that there were problems and life choices you had to make and I wasn’t helping, and I left because a part of me knew that if we kept going, the wounds we would leave would be harder and harder to heal, never closing. I did want us to keep going, I did want us to keep growing, together we’d wander, seek the world, go exploring, and in that radiant voluminous glow we’d ponder, the choices we made that brought us to fall in love with each other. But I know this is the end of the game, that if ever we crossed paths again it couldn’t be the same, that the life we shared and had, now we can only visit in pictures, songs, and memories, if ever we could address that life again by name. You and I were drawn together, meant to fall in love, but not to last forever. And I can never be mad, wish you ill will or look back in anger, because you were the most important part of my life once upon a time, and I’ll still have that love and respect for you, forever and ever after.
laugh if you want, it still burns for you (5/24/17), thekaijusleeps
@cosmonauthill:“She pictured the two of them sitting together in a garden with puppies in their laps, or listening to a singer strum upon a lute while they floated down the Mander on a pleasure barge. If I give him sons, he may come to love me. She would name them Eddard and Brandon and Rickon, and raise them all to be as valiant as Ser Loras. And to hate Lannisters, too. In Sansa’s dreams, her children looked just like the brothers she had lost. Sometimes there was even a girl who looked like Arya.”
If I have ever loved you, then I always will…. in some way… in some form. No matter what has transpired, or the time and distance we’ve put between us – if you are a person I have held in my heart then I will always care for you.
If you hurt me I will have forgiven you - if only for myself so I could heal and move on.
If you gave me your trust I will never break it, even if you broke mine.
I spread neither vindictive lies nor uncomfortable truths - I will either speak of you fondly or not at all.
But no matter what the reason we are no longer in each other’s lives, please know that if we were once close I will most likely think of you often and that I am wishing you well.
tonight i realized how much i love you
watching you there,
seeing you smile.
tonight i remembered the past,
it’s been awhile now but my feelings have only grown.
i can’t talk about these emotions,
but i think about them all the time.
oh, what a wonderful memory,
when i was yours and you were mine.
i am so in love with you,
it’s okay that you don’t feel the same.
as long as you’re in my life, i’ll be okay.
but i can’t help but keep hope.
maybe one day.
Thank you. For every piece of you that you placed into my hands. For every night that you spent giving me what I let myself show you I’d wanted from you: to know you, to understand you. For giving me what perhaps I couldn’t have asked for had your beautiful eyes been fixed on me the way part of me loves to imagine they could be someday. For turning what would have been incredible fits of laughter and joyfully long walks into smiles into my pillow and impressively late nights. My lip is still marked by every time my fascination by your soul led me to chewing on it. My thumbs still tremble over the letters on this screen of mine because I’m still afraid to say the wrong thing, still afraid to send you running away. I’m going to hang onto all of these things, these memories, these images, for quite a while. I want the excitement to always burn more than the fear does. I want the pounding of your heart to be there because every day we spend together is something extraordinary, not something dreadful. And even if this is no more than a chapter in your life, I want for the notes of this melody to be drawn together by lines of poetry that I could never write because you’ve shown me that certain curses of this life of mine had never truly existed in the first place.