i hope this makes sense it's midnight for me

a while back someone made a post about how arya has “internalised misogyny” since arya thinks catelyn wouldn’t want her back because she’s not feminine enough. i didn’t contribute at the time but i’ve been thinking about it and it’s just such a simplified interpretation of how arya is thinking and feeling

i remember the op was saying how arya believes that she is less valuable as a woman because she isn’t traditionally feminine like sansa, which would translate to internalised misogyny, but this isn’t really the case. arya doesn’t think that she is somehow lesser because she isn’t good at sewing, she knows that the world thinks that she is lesser. this, and of course the bullying, is where her insecurities come from. she’s not struggling with her own misogyny, she’s struggling with it in the world. this has been the point, like, the whole time. why would arya’s idol be princess nymeria if arya thought it was ‘bad’ to be a leader and a warrior. 

arya thinks catelyn won’t want her back because catelyn valued all the things that arya wasn’t good at (and was therefore bullied by septa mordane, sansa and jeyne poole). this is shown again when arya thinks of sansa. she thinks: “i’ll kiss her and beg her pardons like a proper lady, she’ll like that.” the key phrase here is: “she’ll like that.” arya isn’t saying she would do this because she thinks its the better way to behave or whatever, but because sansa thinks it is. all of arya’s insecurities and doubts are rooted in her feelings about her family’s (i.e. sansa’s and catelyn’s) values, and not her own. she is trying to be herself and please her family at the same time.

Welcome to the Tmblrvision Awards 2017!

We’re back for a second year straight after the Tmblrvision results and it’ll be time for you to cast your votes (again) to determine the winner from each category!

This year we have 22 categories meaning there is plenty of opportunities for every country to win an award. Here’s the schedule for the next week:

28 August, 6:00 pm CEST - Round One of voting opens
29 August, 6:00 pm CEST - Round Two of voting opens
30 August, 6:00 pm CEST - Round Three of voting opens
31 August, 6:00 pm CEST - Round Four of voting opens
1 September, Midnight CEST - All four rounds of voting close
3 September, 8:00 pm CEST - Awards show begins

We hope to see you there!

2

There’s a real sense of completion now, because we can look at the entirety of the trilogy and say we’ve done it, our work is finished. That’s a great feeling. And I think that, as it comes to a close, we look to the relationships forged in New Zealand and throughout the experience, and they will carry on. The fellowship will carry on. And that gives us great hope. Our lives will interweave forever.

Imagine; Sam falling into depression after you leave him, though things take an un expecting twist Sam and Dean never thought would happen.

Word Count; 3,118

Warnings; Depression, Angst, Swearing

Pairing; Sam x Reader, Sam x Dean, (a little of dean x reader)

A/N; Hey I haven’t made a long imagine in a long time but if anyone ever reads any of my short ones and wants a longer version of it please feel free to let me know or have an request. I don’t mind writing long imagines I love it I just felt like my imagines have gone downhill because ran out of ideas. Anyways I had a lot of fun writing this imagine because have been through it, so just kind of taking my experience and all that and putting it in here if that makes sense. Hope you enjoy the imagine, feel free to send in feedback or requests! Sorry if messed up on any parts worked on this for two hours and its midnight but really wanted to post it, so here you guys go! J

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“I can’t keep going on like this… We’re through, Sam.” You said with force, looking into your now ex boyfriends eyes. You and Sam have been together for almost a year and a half now, but that was all gone today. You loved Sam with all your heart, but you need to get away. You couldn’t stand the thought of loosing Sam, or his brother who is your best friend Dean either. You didn’t plan on getting so attached, after all the people you have lost over the hunting years you learned not to get attached because all it does is caused pain, but oh god how those brothers have ruined that for you.

“W-what are you talking about cupcake-“ You cut him off, not wanting to hear that sweet nickname that made your heart warm, the nickname that would give you tons of butterflies for hours. “Stop, don’t call me that.” It broke your heart to say that, to act this cruel to the man you love but you had to do what you had to do, you always have. You could see the brokenness in his eyes, the tears swell up in those beautiful hazel eyes you used to drown in.

“Y/N, this isn’t you.. the real y/n would never hurt me like this..not after everything we’ve been through.” He sat down on the couch, placing both of his elbows on his knees and resting his head in his palms. You could hear the shivers in his breath trying to hold back the tears. It took everything in you not to sit down with him and comfort him, singing sweet songs you two both loved to listen to.

“This is me, we can’t do this Sam.” “Why not? After all this time, why now?” “Because I don’t love you anymore.” Those six words you thought you’d never have to say, especially to him. He didn’t say a word, he just looked at you with shock, like you were possessed by an evil bastard but he knew..this was the end. “I’ll pack my things, goodbye Sam.” Those were the last words you said to him. You walked down the hall into what used to be your room and packed everything you could. Your shirts, jeans, pajamas, shower items, tooth brush/paste, hair brush, old photos or items you’ve saved all your life. You were looking through your drawer than came across a photo with a date written on the back, March 15th, 2014. The date that you and Sam started dating. You two were at a park, Dean was out for the day working on the impala with Bobby because it was broken down while Sam decided to call you up for a “hangout”. The hangout ended up being at the park, and it wasn’t just a hangout.. It was one of the best days of your life, probably the top best. He pulled out your favorite flowers that was hiding behind him, gave them to you and asked you to be his, of course you said yes and that’s how it all started.

You started to notice wet stains on the photo from your tears, not even noticing you were crying till after. You two looked so happy in the photo, like you haven’t killed a vampire the day before. He was wearing his brown jacket, while you had on a mini brown jacket that looked like his only more girly that he gave you. You stuffed the photo in your bag after crushing it up into a ball, knowing you should’ve burned it or something but you had no time and had to leave before Dean came home, not wanting to see the furious look in his eyes when you tell him you broke his brother’s heart.

*A week later*

*Sam and Dean’s POV*

“Sam come on, you haven’t been out of bed in a week since y/n left, get up and get some air.” Dean demanded his brother, looking at him with a strong look, trying to hide all the worry he has for him. Sam didn’t reply, he just laid there like a rock, just like all he has been doing ever since that day you left. “And for gods sake man, shave that beard you’re starting to look like Jesus Christ.” he joked, trying to at least get a small smirk out of him but as he expected, nothing.

“Fine, lay like a brick. It’s not going to bring y/n back” even those harsh words didn’t bring any words out of Sam. He looked at him with sadness, then shook his head, realizing he was true but that was the reason why he didn’t want to do anything, because you’re not coming back.

*Two Weeks After Breakup*

“Heya Sammy I got some beer, and I got some pie wanna have a movie night? Maybe watch one of your nerdy movies what’s it called.. Doctor Where? What? Who? When? Oh its who, I think?” Sam wanted to correct him so bad, but he couldn’t find the words to come out. He just looked at him with a confused look, than looked back down and sighed. “Come on Sammy, you still got me right? You know I ain’t going anywhere, I’m going to be stuck up your ass forever.” He laughed, trying to joke around with the broken brother. Dean has always looked out for his little brother, ever since they were kids, and he always will until the end of time.

*A Month After Breakup*

“Alright Sam, it’s been a month and you’ve barley showered, barley shaved, barley moved, eat, drinked anything but whiskey till you’re shitfaced out of it, hell I think I can see your fucking ribs.” Dean said with anger, standing in front of his brother who’s laying in his bed, hair as messy as a birds nest, and beard so long he could braid it. “You haven’t been on a hunt since she left, hell you haven’t left either your room, or the couch since she left. Are you just gonna lay around, rot and die because a girl left you? Come on, people go through breakups all the time. Hell you’ve been through loosing Jess and did ok, are you seriously gonna lose it after losing one girl-“ and that’s what it finally took to set Sam off, make him actually feel something again but what he felt wasn’t relief, or feeling of being “okay”.. It was anger.

He ran up and pushed his older brother against the bed room wall, knocking a photo down while at it. He forced his left arm on his brothers neck tightly, making him loose his breath but not enough to kill him, just cause him to shut up. “Don’t talk about Jess, don’t talk about y/n and don’t tell me to get over it. I lost the girl of my dreams, the girl I loved and you want to know why? Because she didn’t love me anymore.  I gave her my all, I gave her all my heart, and she tore it and smashed it on the ground, right in front of me. So don’t tell me to get over it, I have every fucking right to be broken hearted. Just because you can easily push the pain down and move on like everything’s okay without a care in the world, doesn’t mean it’s easy for me too. I loved her, man. But she didn’t love me back. “ he let go of his brother, and walked back to the bed. He laid back down, facing his back to his brother and wrapping himself in his blankets that he hasn’t washed for a month.

Dean left, closing the door quietly but stopping on his way out. He turned around and looked at his brother, with tears welling up in his eyes. “She might’ve left you, but I never did.” He said with a broken tone in his voice, then finally shutting the door and leaving Sam by himself.

*Few Weeks After Fight*

“Hey Sammy?” Dean asked softly, slowly opening Sams bedroom door. Sam turned around slightly, but only enough for Dean to see half of his face. “I’m going out for a beer, want anything while I’m gone?” “W-whiskey.. please..” he slurred, laying his head back down. Dean sighed loudly, so loud he didn’t even hear his heart break after hearing and seeing his brother like this. This wasn’t even Sam, the Sam he knew anyways.

*Bar*

“Just a shot, please.” Dean asked the bartender politely, sitting on the bar stool and folding his hands together, thinking about everything. He was sitting there, taking shots but trying to be careful knowing he had to drive home after. He was sitting alone, staring at his folded hands until a voice from behind caught his attention. “Dean? Dean Winchester?” the voice asked, and he knew exactly who it was… Y/N.

He turned around, not expecting what to see, but you looked the same.. well not the complete same. You had bags under your eyes as if you haven’t slept in months, your eyes were a darker color then what they used to be, and your hair was shorter. “Y/N?” she took a seat next to the older brother, asking for a shot. She got her shot, took it the pushed the glass away. “How time no talk, huh?” Dean asked sarcastically, knowing this was going to lead to an argument but he didn’t care, he wasn’t going to act like nothing was wrong, like what she did to his baby brother was okay, like she was forgiven.

“Look Dean you have every right to be upset-“ he cut her off. “Damn right I do, you fucking wrecked my brother. My brother who loved you more than himself, my brother who still loves you even after you ripped his fucking heart out of his chest.” Y/N didn’t reply and just sighed, looking down at her hands and sighed, knowing how right he was. It was quiet for awhile, you two didn’t say a word until You finally broke it, time for the honest truth.

“I left because I was scared to lose him…and you. You guys were the only family I have, if you two died, or left I think I’d die too. I love Sammy with all my heart, I never stopped. I was just to much of a jerk to come up to my fear, so I lied.” Dean looked at you deeply, taking in every word you said to heart, and the truth was.. he believes you. It explains the bags under your eyes, the darker color.. It explains everything.

“Well sweetheart I appreciate the kind words about my brother, and I believe every word you say but you gotta’ hurry if you don’t want to see him die, because we’re losing him slowly, I can see it and by how he looks so far, we don’t got much time left.” Before you could even reply you stood up quickly, paid for your and dean’s drinks not even caring and just throwing it on the table, than ran to the impala with him. You threw open the passenger door while Dean got in the drivers side, started the car and before you knew it you were off.

*Home*

“Go, he’s in his room. You remember where it is, right?” Dean asked, passing you the keys to the bunker. “Of course” You replied, taking the keys and running to the door while Dean followed from behind. You opened up the door and walked in, taking in the smell of your old home.. beer and pie, your favorite. You took a huge deep breath in, embracing the smell than looked around, noticed nothing has changed. You walked down the hall to the first bedroom door that lead to Sam’s room, taking a deep breath before walking in but feeling a light hand place on your shoulder before you went in. “Take it easy on my baby brother, he’s taking it rough.” He reminded you, giving you a soft smirk and a nod, then turned around and walked down to his room down the hall.

You placed your hand on the cold door knob, taking in all the nervous butterflies in your stomach and preparing for the worst, not knowing what’s going to happen at all. This could either go amazing, or horrible. You opened the door slowly, and the view you saw in his bed room broke your heart. There was whiskey, beer, and liquor covering his whole bedroom floor, so much you couldn’t see anything but it on the floor. His hair looked like he hasn’t brushed it in months, and his beard was so grown out. His room smelled terrible, and there was things thrown around everywhere. Clothes were all over the floor, the mirror that was on top of his dresser was smashed, there was a broken chair, and stains on the walls you’ll guess from him throwing bottles of his drinks at it.

You were surprised when you saw him sitting on the floor, his back against the bed. He must’ve been to weak to walk over to the door. He looked up slowly, his eyes were so dark and had dark circles around them. His face was sunken in and his lips were pale. He’s lost so much weight, and he doesn’t even look like himself anymore. “Sammy..it’s me, y/n.” you said quietly, reaching out your hand to him. He looked at your hand with a confused look, looked up at you than looked down at the floor. “N-No..It c-can’t b-be you..” he stuttered from tiredness, or maybe he was to drunk to speak. “she said she didn’t love m-me anymore.. y-you’re not h-her..” those words broke your heart, god you should’ve said something else other than that. You should’ve been honest, but instead you lied.. and you wrecked him.

“It’s me Sammy, it’s really me.” He looked up at you with love, but sadness in his eyes. “Cupcake…? Is it really you..?” he asked, terrified for the response. “It’s me sweetheart, it’s me.” You said shakily, wanting to just jump into his arms and hug him for days, weeks.. hell maybe months. “W-what are you doing here?” “I needed to talk to you about something, can I sit?” “Y-yeah of course, excuse the mess.. II’m a little messy.” He laughed quietly, brushing the bottles away to make room for you to sit next to him. “Thanks” “So you wanted to talk?” “Yeah.. I haven’t been completely honest..” everything seemed to lighten up until you said those few words, his eyes looked sad again and he looked down. You placed your thumb underneath his chin and lifted his head up too look at you, giving him a soft “it’s okay” smirk. “I do still love you, hell I never stopped. The reason why I left was cause i’m scared to lose you, and dean. You two are the only real family I had, and to add onto it I love you more than anything. I couldn’t just stand by and know something could happen one day,  I didn’t want to wake up to Dean telling me you died, or you doing the same for him. I wouldn’t be able to handle it. So I left, but god I want to come back. That was the biggest mistake I ever made, leaving you and Dean.. and I am so so sorry.”

It took him a few minutes to reply, You weren’t sure if he was angry, or relieved. But then all of a sudden you felt a warmth you haven’t felt in so long, a warmth you’ve missed.. his lips on yours. He placed his hand on your neck, catching you by surprise and kissed you with so much passion. He kissed you like he never kissed you before, and it felt wonderful, it felt right. After a minute or two of kissing, enjoying each others lips being on eachothers but sadly we had to pull away to breath.

“You know, that was very selfish of you. Everybody is going to die someday.. You, me, and Dean.. but that doesn’t mean you should run away from it. You can’t play god and keep us alive forever.” You felt guilty, he was right, so right and it was terrible. You looked away, ashamed to look him in the eyes knowing how much pain you put him through, just because you were being stupid and not thinking about anyone but yourself. He pulled you out of your thoughts once he started talking again, catching your attention.

“But that doesn’t mean I won’t forgive you. I have waited so long for you to come back because I knew that couldn’t be the end, there was no way. Cupcake we have a love so strong it’s gonna take more than a little fight to break it. I love you Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N and I’m going to be with you till the end of time, that’s if you’ll take me back?” he asks, taking your hand in his and rubbing it softly with his thumb, his hands were as cold as ice.

“Of course I will.” You said giving him a huge smile, and he gave you one back. You could tell that was the first time he smiled in a long, long time. His eyes crinkled at the sides and his smile was so bright it could light up a dark room. You pulled him in for a kiss, feeling him smile against your lips. He bit your lip softly and pulled away, knowing that was your weakness. You moaned softly than laughed, laying your index finger on his lips.

“Hey Sammy? Not until you shave that beard” giving him a wink.

bM�5AXS

Say The Words That I Can't Say, Chapter 2

Hello lovelies. Here is chapter 2, I hope you enjoy it. I apologize in advance for the frustrating thing I did, but I just couldn’t seem to help myself. As always, please feel free to let me know what you thought! Your feedback is enormously helpful, as I am still learning the craft.

Here is Chap 1, and A Little Liquid Courage, which preface this if you haven’t read them.

These wonderful people asked to be tagged, please let me know if you’d like to be added to their ranks!: 

kneekeyta, denaceleste, fantasticab, darlingdiver, mirandasmadeofstone, nemo-miracle-grow, finleyquietkindspecialnelson, murderyoursoul, raernundo, lametwentysomething, irish-girl-84, ducky17, i-dream-of-emus, nutinanutshell, vomit-omlette, tinakegg, bitchy-broken, bnayy, ililypop, myfinnnelsonpls, phoenixflow, fizzezlikecherrycola, anglophileyoungblood

 

Say The Words That I Can’t Say, Chapter 2

The weather was stupidly lovely for a day whose prospects were so shitty. The sun was bright and the sky a perfect cerulean blue. Rae was sweating underneath her leather jacket, and she scowled down at her shoes as she walked. They were walking so fast, why’d they have to walk so fast? They’d only get there sooner, start the horror of school that much faster. She wished she could slow the whole procession down, but she was sandwiched right in the middle of the parade of her mates, and she could do nothing but let the momentum take her ever closer to college, ever closer to misery.

It’ll be different this time. She let it echo around inside of her, tried to force it to sink in to that deep black part of her that just wouldn’t stop supplying her with awful images from the year before. She’s got Finn, she’s got the gang. It’ll be different this time. It won’t be like last time, it’ll be different. She kept repeating it like a mantra, like a prayer. Please, God, let it be different this time.

“Do I look alright? Cause I want to make a good impression?” Chloe’s question broke through Rae’s bleak musings, and she felt a flash of relief. It is different. She does have the gang. This time last year, she’d been horribly alone.

“For who, it’s only college?” Finn’s voice was gruffer than usual, and Rae wondered if he’s softer around her than she’s realized, if he’s got a voice just for her too. She turned to glance at him, and spent the next few steps admiring his profile and the way the fabric of his shirt laid against his collarbone. Finn caught her staring, of course, but greeted her blushing face with a crooked smile.

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Saw this in the Yahoo article, it looks like it’s from Ladders, so is it a deleted scene or am I wrong and it’s from a later episode?

10

“I really was your hero?” Clint couldn’t really believe what he just heard. He’d always thought Maria’s hero (if she ever had one) would’ve been Peggy all along. The two of them had so much in common it just made sense.

“Come on Clint, after you saved my life at West Point? You were so good back there and I was just a twenty year-old rebel teen.” Maria laught at the memory. He had pretended to be a new officer there and they had had more than one argument. She had never been really obedient. Everyone thought she wouldn’t make it to the highest ranks in the army. They hadn’t been totally wrong. She’d done that as a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. “I still don’t know how a man with a bow and arrows win against a fucking tank but you did.”

“Hey, you saved my life too. When your superior caught me and you chose to believe what the stranger you found out I was was saying. Nice shot, this one.”

“Well I wasn’t very obedient, but I was the best when it came to shooting practice. I’m sure I still am if you take yourself and Kate Bishop out of the equation. But yeah, I impressed myself that day. Not so much by how fired I was.”

“Not like you were unemployed for long.”

“No, my hero saved me once again.”

There was a silence for a few minutes as the memories came back. Yeah, it was good old time, when everything was so simple. No alien, no city falling from the sky… Just the simple missions, the usual missions. The average mission where you find a little young lady that needs to be taken care of and make her an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Clint smiled. He had been Maria’s hero. She wasn’t the only one to think so, sure. Some people he had saved had thought the same. And Cooper and Lila, maybe Nathaniel too someday, saw him as the biggest hero there could ever be. Laura did too. But it wasn’t the same than hearing a friend say it. Especially Maria. After all she’d done, after all she’d accomplished, it was refreshing for him to hear it. To know he was what made her who she was now. To hear that what he did wasn’t vain, that what he did could inspire. To learn that might he be the one people saw as the weakest of the Avengers, he still was recognized. Appreciated.

Natasha put her hand on his and smiled. She knew him too well, she was conscious of how much good it did to hear to hear that. Maria probably was too. So instead of insisting on the subject and maybe ruin the feeling, Natasha chose to change the subjet of the conversation. So the last thing Clint would remember of this conversation was one of the best compliment you could tell him.

“By the way, Clint, you still haven’t told me how you became the owner of that place…”

For @spectralarchers ; took me some time but here is my part of the collab/contest/whatever we can call that.

Instructions : Make a gifset and/or ficlet involving Clint and Maria, and with the sentence “But you didn’t see it through”.

Post #2: Mary Morstan

I debated posting this here at all, given how divisive Mary has been both in the Holmes canon and on BBC Sherlock, but this as this is going to be where I start my thesis work, I figured it was important to write about. I’d like to preface this post with two disclaimers. First, this is my own reading and interpretation of the character of Mary Morstan in the Holmes canon. I’m not saying it’s the only one, by any means, just that it’s mine. And second, my research for this thesis is still in progress, and thus there are some critical gaps in my evidence that I (obviously) plan on filling in. This post mostly serves as an outline for me to get all my thoughts down in a coherent order. That being said, if you have anything that you’d like to contribute, whether it’s a rebuttal or a source that you think I’d enjoy, please feel free to drop me an ask!

Okay, the rest of the post is under the cut because it got long haha~

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