i hope that just means logan was hurt

anonymous asked:

Alright. Logicality of Patton trying to help Logan experience actual feelings besides the love he has for him. But logic doesn't want to do it out in the open in the fear or embarrassment that someone other than Patton will see. So they try to do it while in each other's rooms or when Roman and anxiety aren't home. Sorry if that was long...

Here ya go Nonie-this may have turned into a three parter whoops! so here is part one

Warnings: none, let me know if you need something tagged


The List

Part One- The Fluff a.k.a The hurt/Comfort

Patton’s eyes scanned the list he had found tucked between the pages of one of

Logan’s books. He wasn’t quite sure what it was, it looked very much like a to-do list, a neat column of items with a small box next to each word. However it was a list of emotions.

Joy

Fear

Longing

Anger

Love ✔️ June 3rd 2017

Sadness

Homesick

Hope

Confusion twigged with worry filled him as he read and reread the list. Only one thing was checked off, love. Next to it a date was scribbled and Patton recognized as the day Logic had confessed, struggling to name what he was feeling.

Because that was just it, Patton thought with a smile, it wasn’t that Logan didn’t feel, it was that he couldn’t put names to the things he was feeling.

“Patton?” Logan stood in the doorway looking absolutely horrified.

“I wasn’t snooping, I swear. I just came in to put your laundry away and I found it.” He trailed off, it sounded like a flimsy excuse, even to his own ears. Logan strode forward, snatching the paper out of his hand, quickly folding it and tucking it into his back pocket. He didn’t seem mad, much to Patton’s relief. Rather his cheeks were turning pink and the tips of his ears were scarlet and his gaze was fixed on the carpet.

“What was that, exactly?” He asked slowly, knowing he was pushing his luck.

“It was nothing.” Logan said, brushing past him and busying himself at the desk.

“That’s quite a reaction over nothing,”

“I’m sure I don’t know what your talking about,”

Patton slipped up behind Logan, wrapping his arms around his waist. “ If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were feeling embarrassed.” Silence was his only answer as Logan continued to aimlessly shuffle papers on the desk. Patton slipped his hand in to Logan’s back pocket and retrieved the list, maybe a little slower than was strictly speaking necessary. He chuckled at Logan’s small squeak and plastered on his most innocent face. He smoothed the paper out on the desk, reaching for a pen. In his own, messier, writing he added the word “embarrassment” to the bottom and checked it off with the date.

“There, which one should we do next?” he asked cheerily, his brows knitting together in confusion as he watched Logan’s face slip from mortification into a something near bewilderment before a small smile broke through. Patton’s eyes flew wide as Logan pulled him in by a fist full of shirt.

“Thank you.” He murmured against his lips. “ I just want to be normal, I don’t want to be emotionless.”

Patton pulled back with a frown. “Logan,” he reached up to cup his cheek,  “you are already normal. And you’re not emotionless, I bet you’ve felt the things on this list before. Come on” he pressed the list into Logan’s hands and watched his eyes read over. Then read over it again. And again.

Logan’s shoulders slumped, he set the list on the desk and quickly left the room.

“Lo,” he called, but got no answer. With a sigh he read the list again his eyes catching on the last word,

Hope.

 

Could it truly be that Logan had never felt hope? The thought broke his heart. Like really. He felt hot tears building in his eyes and he tried to laugh them off. It didn’t work, so with fat tears rolling down his face and fists clenched in frustration at himself. He curled himself up on Logan’s bed and tried to calm down, but he couldn’t.  Thoughtful, curious Logan feeling alone, feeling different and outside, hopeless. Patton wanted to go to him, but he couldn’t calm down enough. Eventually he cried himself to sleep.

“Patton?” once again Logan was calling his name from the doorway. “Are you okay?” he asked, coming to sit down tentatively next to him.

“Oh yeah,” Patton smiled slightly, rubbing at his eyes which still felt dry and tired. “Just had a little cry, i was overdue for one.”

“Why?”

“Because I was sad,”

“Why?”

“I was thinking about you feeling hopeless, and that made me sad.”

“Well that doesn’t make any sense.” Patton sat up to look at him, feeling just a bit offended.

“Yes it does.”

“No it doesn’t. You feel hope. If you were feeling hopeless that might make you sad, but why should my not experiencing hope make you feel sad?”  

“I love you Logan.” that was clearly not the answer he had been expecting, and his face twisted up at the seeming topic change.

“Yes, I know that.”

“But do you feel it?”

“What? What does that even mean?”

“Do you feel that I love you? Can you feel it in your heart that you matter to me? That the thought of you in pain would hurt me as if it was me that was in pain? I love you so much Lo, and I just want you to be happy. I want it more than I want to be happy.”  Patton bit his lip, watching Logic’s face carefully. He may have broken him. Logan’s eyes were shock-wide and he opened and closed his mouth a few times but didn’t speak a word.

Morality opened his arms widely, but Logan was still frozen. So instead he leaned forward and pulled him into his arms. “Tell me what you’re feeling.” he whispered, running a hand up and down Logic’s back.

“I feel, like my heart’s pounding, but also like something is squeezing it. And I feel like I want to smile so hard my face breaks, and also like I want to cry. It doesn’t make any sense.”

“That kind of sounds like joy to me,”

“It does?”

“Yeah. Can you think of other times you’ve felt like this?”

“Um, not the crying part, but the rest when I study the Cassini reports, and last year when we went to the observatory.”

“Oh yes, this is definitely joy, go mark it on your list.”

 

They stayed up talking all night, and by time they fell asleep they had checked off almost everything. All that was left was hope and longing, and well, Patton had a plan.


Thanks for reading keep your eyes peeled for part two- the angst, in which Patton reqruites some help to teach Logan about hope   and part three-the smut, for those of you who want to stick around for a very teasing Patton teaches Logan the meaning of longing ;)


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