i hope none of you guys are

What are roommates for?

Summary: She has an Anatomy exam tomorrow that is really important. Tom and Haz, being the wonderful roommates they are, take good care of her.

Pairings: Reader (?) x Tom Holland x Haz Osterfield 

Word Count: 2.3k

Warnings: None?

A/n:  I could have used roomies like this (Tom and Haz specifically, is what i mean) when I was dying over exams two weeks ago tbh. Man I hope you guys enjoy this, its been like a month and a half in the making. It’s basically a fluffy domestic piece and I really pray to god its not boring af :/ This part of @spxderman-s and I’s Roommates Collection. We’d love to hear what you guys think of that, our collection. Any requests or ideas maybe? Anyways, hope y’all like this and I’m so sorry it took me so long to get something posted, I appreciate your patience x

She came out of her room, messy bun drooping to one side, feet dragging with each step. It was late. She rubbed her temples with one hand, her empty mug loosely grasped in the other. She was drained. She had one final exam tomorrow – Anatomy, her worst subject. Despite managing to ace all her assignments throughout the semester, this exam would determine whether she passed or failed.

Stupid exams worth 70%. Ugh.

She heard the television playing quietly in the living room and found herself wandering in, drawn to the emanating light like a moth. She needed a break anyway. Harrison was on the couch, a Friends rerun playing in the background as he scrolled through his phone. She flopped down beside him with a heavy sigh.

“How’s the study going?” he asked, locking his phone and turning to her.

“I just can’t wait for this thing to be over,” she groaned.

“You’ve been studying your ass off for the past fortnight. If anyone is going to ace it, it’s you,” he encouraged, patting her leg.

“Thanks, Haz,” she smiled half-heartedly.

“You look really tired though, shouldn’t you sleep?” he questioned, voice full of concern.

“I should. I feel a headache coming on, but I feel like there’s mo–,” he cut her off.

“Nu-uh, no more; you’ve studied as much as you possibly can. You literally can’t cram any more information into that brain,” he stated matter-of-factly. “You know everything. You’re going to nail it tomorrow, ok? I believe in you. And so does Tom.”

“Now, I’m going to make you some tea, and then you gotta go to bed, alright?” he finished, standing up and taking her mug.

She nodded helplessly, accepting his truth. As he left, she pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She settled in, watching Chandler and his own roommate, Joey, up to their usual antics.

Not too long after, Haz returned with a steaming cup of tea. He lowered it into her outstretched hands and sat back down beside her, careful not to spill the hot liquid.

“I added some honey and lemon, I know that’s how you like it.”

“Thanks,” she smiled gratefully, taking a sip.

“No problem.”

When her cup was empty, she placed it on the stool and snuggled into his side, resting her head on his shoulder.

“How’s your head?”

“Better.”

“Good,” he leaned his own head atop hers.

As she watched the television absentmindedly, her eyelids began to feel heavy. She strained to keep them open, before she finally gave in, closing them and stilling her mind. She fell asleep, snoring softly.

As the credits started rolling, Tom walked in. He noticed that she was asleep and gestured at Harrison.

“Is she okay?”

“She’s really tired,” he responded in a whisper. “Can you put her to bed? I don’t want to wake her.”

Tom walked up to them and slowly slipped his arms beneath her knees and around her shoulders. He gently picked her up, so as not to interrupt her sleep. As he cradled her against his chest, she nuzzled her face into his neck, seeking warmth. She seemed so small, curled up in his arms. He carried her to her bedroom where Harrison pulled back the covers of the bed. Tom lay her down and she turned onto her side into a more comfortable position. He tucked the covers around her and stroked the loose strands of hair out of her face.

“Goodnight, love.”

The boys tiptoed out of the room, shutting the door quietly behind them.

“Poor thing, she’s exhausted. I’ll be glad when she’s done tomorrow,” Harrison said sympathetically.

“We should do something tomorrow night.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know, a movie night or something? Just buy all her favourite stuff and watch whatever she wants,” Tom suggested.

“She’d love that,” Haz agreed.

“Sweet, it’s sorted then.”                                                

*

The blaring alarm woke her with a start. She poked the screen blindly until it shut off. Snoozed for nine minutes. Warm and cosy under the covers, she sunk a little further and drifted off again.

The second alarm made her sit up straight, disoriented. She checked the time as she turned it off. She had four hours before her exam, plenty of time to get a little extra revision in. Clambering out of bed, she headed straight for the kitchen to make herself some coffee. She wasn’t normally a coffee drinker, but exam season was brutal and she needed all the help she could get.

Wafting down the hallway was not only the smell of freshly brewed coffee, but bacon as well.

“Mmmm,” she swept in through the doorway, mouth watering at the delicious smells.

“Hey, you’re up. How did you sleep?”

Harrison was at the stove, stirring eggs in a pan.

“Great, but I need coffee. And some eggs. And some bacon too, please,” she beamed.

He poured her a mug of coffee and handed it to her.

“Waffles, too?” he asked.

“Mmm yes, please. You’re too good to me, Harrison Osterfield.”

“Well, we need you at your best today. Don’t get used to this though, alright? It’s only because you have a super important exam.”

She poked her tongue out at him as she took the heaped plate. She was pouring maple syrup when Tom walked in. He yawned, rubbing his eyes and pushing his unruly curls to the side.

“Morning,” she said to him cheerfully.

“Morning, love. You seem to be in a good mood… which is a little strange considering what today is.”

“I’m just excited to nearly be free, I guess.”

Tom took a mug from the cabinet and poured himself a coffee.

“What are your plans? Anything special?”

“Mm, not really, I might just sleep,” she shrugged, scooping a forkful of eggs into her mouth.

“Fair enough,” Tom nodded, taking a sip from his steaming mug.

“What time do you finish?” Haz asked, sitting next to her at the counter.

“4:30.”

“I’ll pick you up after your exam,” Tom said.

“What, no, you don’t have to do that.”

She stood and picked up her plate.

“I’ll just catch the train home.”

“It’s fine,” he insisted. “You’ll be burnt out after your exam; I’ll pick you up. We can grab dinner on the way home, it’s no biggie.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to go out of your way,” she was still unconvinced.

“Yes, I promise, it’s totally fine. I’m happy to do it. What are roommates for?”

“Okay, fine,” she laughed, rinsing her plate and mug at the sink.

“Thanks for breakfast, Haz.”

As she moved past him to the door, she gave him a peck on the cheek.

“Anytime.”

“Where’s my kiss?”

She turned to a pouting Tom.

“Oh, sorry, kisses are reserved for those who actually do things for me.”

“What? I just offered to pick you up.”

“Ah, but you haven’t picked me up yet,” she pointed out.

Haz sneered as she spun on her heel and left.

“I see how it is,” Tom grumbled, finishing his coffee.

“Smooth, mate.”

“Shut up, Harrison.”

*

“Students, you have five minutes remaining,” a monotonous female voice rang over the speaker system.

Crap.

She reread the last couple of lines she had written before hurriedly adding a concluding statement to her answer. Her hand cramped and she shook it vigorously. Oh come on, not now. She had one question left. Almost done.

Three marks, three key points. She knew the answer to this one. She scribbled out a short paragraph. God, please let them be able to read my handwriting. The muscles in her hand were tight as she released the pen from her grip, having stabbed a full stop onto the page. She flicked through her exam in the last two minutes, making sure she hadn’t missed anything.

“Pens down, students. Your time is up. Anyone caught writing after this time will immediately be given a fail.”

She fell back in her chair with a sigh of relief. Done.

Ten minutes later she was outside, allowing the filtered sun to shine down on her. She faced the great hall in which she had sat so many exams. Ugh.

Turning away, she walked down to the street, checking her phone. There was a message from Tom. He was parked near the fountain. She made her way there, spotting his car immediately. She strode over and swung open the door, getting in.

“Hey, how was it?”

She pulled the door shut and looked down at her lap.

“Not great,” she said forlornly.

“Aw no, what happened, love?”

He waited for her to answer, ready to offer comforting words.

A grin spread across her face and she looked at him, eyes twinkling.

“Pretty sure I totally nailed it.”

Her contagious joy spread and he grinned too.

“Yeah! See? I knew you could do it,” he raised his hand for a hi-five. She slapped her palm against his.

“Couldn’t have done it without the support of my loving roommates,” she nudged him.

“Yeah, yeah,” he started the car.

“Seatbelt,” he reminded as he checked for traffic. She pulled the strap over her body and clicked it into place.

“What’s for dinner?” she asked. “I’m starving.”

“Up to you. What do you feel like?”

“Pizza, duh.”

“Of course, how stupid of me.”

“Tom, if there is ever a day where you ask me what I want and I don’t say pizza, please know something is very wrong.”

“Yes, princess,” he teased, rolling his eyes at her dramatic words.

*

Soon after, they were walking through their front door.

“We’re home,” she sing-songed.

“Haz! Guess what?” Tom called out.

“I’m in here,” came a shout from the living room.

She and Tom took off their coats and went in. They found him with a stack of blankets and pillows so high, only the top of his blond quiff was visible. He dropped the pile onto the sofa with a huff and put his hands on his hips.

“So?” he asked, looking between the pair.

“Our girl totally nailed the exam, Anatomy has got nothing on her,” Tom answered proudly.

“Well done, babe! I knew you could do it.”

He stepped over to her and gave her a hug.

“Thanks, Haz.”

“But, is, uh, someone sleeping on the couch tonight?” Her face expressed confusion at the heap of blankets.

“Actually, this is for you.”

I’m sleeping on the couch?”

“No,” Haz shook his head.

“We’re celebrating,” Tom clarified. “We’re celebrating you finishing all your exams. We thought you’d like a night in, just the three of us.”

“It was Tom’s idea. We bought those sour strips you like, mini m&m’s-”

“Because they taste better,” Tom added excitedly.

“And ice cream. Plus you pick the movies.”

“Triple chocolate ice cream?”

“Definitely.”

She squealed. She threw her arms around their necks and pulled them into her.

“I love you guys!”

Upon release, she smiled broadly.

“You guys are actually the best. Thank you!”

“We know,” Tom said with mock arrogance.

“Get comfortable and choose something good. We’ll get the snacks.”

“Pizza should be here soon too.”

The boys left. When they returned, they were confronted with the sight of their roommate cocooned, head to toe, in fabric. She was scrolling through Netflix’s rom-com selection.

“What do you think of 27 Dresses?” she asked, eyes not leaving the screen.

“If that’s what you want,” Harrison replied, sitting on her left and opening the tub of cold dairy. He handed her a spoon and dug his own into it.

“It is. James Marsden is gorgeous,” she swooned.

“He is.”

She clicked play and spread the blankets over herself and Harrison’s laps. She held up one end of the covers.

“Hurry up, Tommy.”

He jumped in next to her and the three of them wiggled closer together. He held a piece of candy out to her whilst popping a piece in his own mouth.

Shortly into the beginning of the film, the doorbell rang.

“I’ll get it,” Harrison handed her the ice cream and stood up.

She paused the movie as he left and looked at Tom.

“Thank you for this, and for picking me up today. It’s really sweet of you.”

“Anytime, darling.”

She leaned over and lightly kissed his cheek.

“I owed you.”

Harrison entered with the pizza, managing to catch the tail end of his roommates gazing at each other. He subtly smiled to himself.

*

Full stomachs, multiple bathroom breaks and a rom-com and 80’s adventure movie later, they were struggling to decide on a third film.

“Maybe we should just go to bed,” said one.

“It’s only nine o’clock. I’m not tired.”

“Me neither.”

“Nor me, to be honest.”

“Then what should we watch?”

“How about something Disney?”

“Yeah, I love Tangled!”

Two heads turned to look at Harrison in surprise.

“What? It’s a great movie about finding yourself and being your own person.”

“Right,” Tom said skeptically.

“I love it, too,” she declared. “Actually Haz, Mother Gothel kind of reminds me of you.”

“It’s the eyes, right? Same blue,” Tom teased.

“Absolutely,” they cracked up.

Muttering curses at them, Harrison reached over and picked up the ice cream. He shoved a spoonful into his mouth, brow knitted in annoyance.

“We’re just kidding, Haz,” she soothed. “I happen to think you have very pretty eyes.”

Having been appeased, he put the ice cream on the stool and shoved her into Tom.

“Move over.”

“Why?”

“I wanna lie down.”

“Fine.”

She and Tom scooted over, Tom into the corner with his body angled towards her. She pressed her back against his side, resting her head on his chest. He let his arm fall around her waist loosely, content to have her in such close proximity. Harrison shifted his body to lay down on what was left of the space. He rested his head on her knees. She grabbed a pillow and tucked it under his head, stroking his hair.

“Everyone comfy?” he asked.

“Yep.”

“Uh-huh.”

He found Tangled and put it on.

By the time Rapunzel had discovered she was the lost princess, the three roommates, cuddled together, were fast asleep.


Tagging: @tommysdarlin @nadiacth @everythinguncharted @lionfart @settlebackeasy @johnmurphys-sass @bisexualmomfriend @tomrannosaurusholland @girlwith100names @jjgirl4797 @spideytomsbutt @spideyontherun @unfoxs @fandomscombine @oswald-1998 @spxderman-s @timemngmtoptimisationproblems

anonymous asked:

Peter Parker + reader with 179?

Characters: Reader x Peter Parker

Warnings: none

Prompts: “You haven’t even touched your food… what’s going on?”

Word Count: 411

A/N: eyyyy so in case people havent seen my earlier announcement, i’m turning all my drabbles into gif imagines because i think people prefer gif imagines. i’ll still write some drabbles (like this one) if i feel like it’s more appropriate. hope you guys are okay with that!

NOT TAKING ANYMORE REQUESTS!


You and Peter loved movie night – it was your favorite type of date. The two of you could put on one of your favorite movies (the two of you would alternate who gets to choose), and just snuggle on the couch while eating pizza or whatever takeout you ordered. 

But tonight you noticed something was off. You had your head rested on Peter’s shoulder while he had an arm wrapped around you, but he seemed distant. He was staring at the television, but not reacting to anything. He didn’t laugh at the jokes, or flinch at any scary parts; his eyes just looked blank. He hadn’t even taken one bite out of his pizza. 

Finally, you reached for the remote to pause the movie. You sat up, and Peter blinked at you a few times as you raised your eyebrows. “What’s wrong, Peter?”

“Nothing.” Peter said quickly, stretching his arms out. You gave him a dubious look, and he sighed. “I swear, I’m fine.”

“You haven’t even touched your food… what’s going on?” you nudged him, and Peter leaned forward, running his hands through his hair. You put a comforting hand on his back as your rested your chin on his shoulder, and a small smile appeared on Peter’s face. “You can talk to me, Peter.” 

“I’m sorry.” Peter turned to look at you, wrapping his arms around your waist. “I’m just stressed and tired. Trying to balance school and the Stark internship is wearing me down.” 

“I know the internship is an amazing opportunity.” you tilted your head. “But it’s really taking a toll on you, Peter. You’ve been so… spaced out, lately.” 

You kissed Peter’s forehead, and he pulled you closer to him, feeling better already. Brushing his hair from his forehead, you asked, “Is that the only thing that’s bothering you?”

For a moment, Peter almost told you the real reason why he was stressed. Ned had just found out he was Spider-Man, and he couldn’t stop thinking about the weapons that the robbers used at the ATMs. But he knew if he told you, you’d freak out. You were already so concerned about him not eating his pizza, he couldn’t even begin to imagine how stressed you’d be if he told you he was fighting time. 

So he shook his head. Quickly kissed your lips and leaned back in the couch. “No, nothing else. You’re already making me feel better, y/n. Let’s finish the movie.”

Tumblr Resources to Get You Through the School Year!

Hi guys!! Thank you all so much for your support!!! Happy 250 (EDIT: I SPENT A DAY ON THIS AND NOW IM PAST 300) and hope you all have a great start to the month! The community is more welcoming with all of you - I haven’t faced negativity from anyone at all. None of these are my posts - but they’ve helped me out a lot. With that said - let’s get started:

For bujos/planners:

This is one of my side blogs, and has tons of inspiration for weekly and monthly spreads, as well as a few aesthetic ideas and how to start one. I update this constantly.

How to start a studyblr - Studyblrs with creative fields

Lighting (for photos)

Study spreads

Planning your month

Printables (the same as some used down there but in a different category):

Weekly printable

To - do printable

Cornell Notes printable

Back to school printables

Daily Planner  @theorganisedstudent

Weekly Planner II @theorganisedstudent

Essay Planner @theorganisedstudent

Assignment Planner @theorganisedstudent

Assignment Tracker

Novel Notes

Plot Diagrams

Correction Sheets

Grid & lined paper

Weekly schedule for studying

Printables masterpost

Exam printable & how to use it

2018 Calender set (by my QUEEN @emmastudies)

For students:

Exams & Studying:

Exam revision guide

How to beat different types of procrastination

How to deal with a crappy teacher (this has to do with studying ig)

Study tips!! (its a masterpost)

Exam Printable & How to Use it

Exam & Homework tips

Coping with hell i mean exams i mean hell

A cool studying outline to try

This is my favorite thing and it’s when to use certain remembering techniques

Correction Sheets

Memorization tips for different learners

Weekly study schedule

More sites to use in normal studying routines

How to study smarter and not harder

Study smarter II

Exam printable & how to use it

Self discipline 

Study methods

Hoe tips for school and studying

Studying masterpoint

Tips and tricks to studying

Study tip - so easy

How to stay organized to study

Note - Taking:

Lecture notes

How i set up flash cards (these are nice to study from but be determined to finish setting them up)

Nifty highlighting idea (this post is so old)

Highlighting idea that i actually use

How to take Cornell Notes

Cornell style notes printable (gridded)

Notebook paper (grid & lined)

Tips for pretty notes!!

How to take notes

Notes for different classes

Life, man & general school stuff:

Back - to -school guide

Things I learned as a college freshman

Get ORGANIZED

Textbooks are expensive so here’s some free ones…

Tips for working students that sound extra but may work for u ily don’t overwork urselves

Masterpost for motivation and stuff

Get ur life together again bc haha i stay organized for like a day anyway

School supplies that u should have just to stay minimal

Grad school tips

Organization masterpost

Productive afterschool routine

30 websites to kill boredom

Back to school masterpost

Get confident in presentations

Overcome procrastination

Succeeding in school masterpost

For bad days 

For bad days II

A GOOD MASTERPOST for getting ur life together 

General school tips 

Free online courses

GOOD POWERPOINT TIPS

Sites to learns stuff

More learning stuff sites

Dealing with a trashy class

Study resources masterpost

Summer Productivity

Summer life tips

PLEASE READ THIS THIS IS SUCH AN IMPORTANT MASTERPOST 

Honest guide to college 

University tips

SCHOOL MINDSET

What to do on Sundays

Back to school masterpost

Useful things for going back to school

How to clean your house

Cute self care tips!

More self care tips

Plant care tips!

English:

A handy list of words to fit into ur essays

How to write an article like a journalist

Words to replace over-used words

ESSAY STRUCTURE IDEA this is in bold so u losers don’t miss this bc it’s not just for English u nerds

Get gucci while reading and be an active reader

Get gud reading them academic articles amigo

Words to replace “the author or whatever shows…” bc that is baby writing and i accidentally used that on an essay and i failed so

Novel notes

Plot Diagrams

Reading Lists

Literary techniques (what themes, personifications, metaphors are etc)

Discussing in English

How to top a literature class

Literature class masterpost

Strong/weak verbs

More essay tips!!

MLA format - a how to

ESSAY GRADER.

How to avoid essay cliches

Chemistry (I’m taking chem so i have a few resources aha)

Da terms on exam papers

Chemistry resources masterpost

Cute periodic tables

Study chapters

History/Social Studies

How to write a history paper

AP world history powerpoints masterpost

Math 

General tips

Resources

Understanding math masterpost

Test Prep

PSAT I

PSAT II

ACT tips!

100 words for the SATs (start studying early!!)


Thank you so much for the support! I couldn’t have done it without all of you. A simple reblog or like will help others see these tips, and will be very appreciated. I hope these links work - feel free to message me with questions and other links!! A possible part 2 might come out at the end of august, and one for languages!!!

3

Heya guys, I’m tired and have just learnt a hard lesson on how to fail at composition. I hope you guys like this none the less. I’m very fond of Lance (Lance and Pidge). I wanna draw more of them. I hope those of you that have holidays this weekend enjoy them. In other news I’m still in New Zealand and I think I like this country a lot.
Please credit with @crossroad_c_pettigrew in the description if you repost on instagram.

Can we talk about how good of an actor Mark is for a second?

Mark played all of his characters absolutely flawlessly. Honestly. Maybe there were some very small nitpicky things that could’ve been better but in the end, he played each of his characters so well. 

But when all is said and done, I commend him on his acting because of THIS:

He goes from looking distraught, absolutely numb and heartbroken and altogether just sad

To this. This absolute fury as if he could murder a man right then and there by simply giving them this look. This look of anger that makes it seem as though he’s about to explode. 

In one. Goddamned. Second.

Granted, he did so much good acting in this series; There were so many moments where it didn’t feel like Mark, it felt like the Colonel. Or it felt like Damien. But it didn’t feel like Mark. (I love it when actors can do that tbh). 

But in this moment, you can see him transform from who he is into Darkiplier. He captured that. Right here in this one second clip. With one look at the camera.

Mark Fischbach, to you I say two things:

1) This was astonishing. This entire series had your whole fandom freaking out and theory-writing for four days straight, and honestly there are probably still going to be theories even after this. I hope desperately that you love what you gave us just as much as we did because this was amazing. 

2) YOU NEED TO ACT MORE BECAUSE HOLY SHIT I WILL NEVER BE OVER THIS SERIES AND HOW WELL IT WAS PUT TOGETHER. JUST SAYING. 

(And a LARGE thank you to Teamiplier because none of this would’ve happened without you guys)

Sorry for the vent but honestly I can’t be the only one who thinks this, right? 

@lum1natrix @ask-theforgottenone @darkstiella @markiplier @whokilledmarkiplier

Chopped

TED: Four chefs, one chance at a ten thousand dollar prize.  They must create an unforgettable meal using the mystery ingredients provided, or they will be chopped.  Let’s meet our contestants.  First, Chef Angela.

ANGELA: I’m Angela, I’m sous chef at Le Snobbe in Omaha Nebraska.  My specialty is Scottish with an Asian twist.  I need to win this so my parents will take me seriously.

TED: Next we have Chef Madagascar.

MADAGASCAR: I run the Shaggoth Catering Company.  My family came over from Kazantzan to build a better life here, but my brothers all died of the plague the second our house foreclosed.  I need the ten thousand dollars to buy my mother a new kidney.

TED: Chef Bill.

BILL: I’m extremely loud and have a broad range of interests that will do nothing to help me in this competition.  Watch me as I punch the camera with my tattooed knuckles that read FOOD.

TED: And finally, Chef Gooseberry.

GOOSEBERRY: I’m Gooseberry, I live in Los Angeles, and I love vegan food to the point where I won’t eat anything that ingests oxygen.  I see so many people eating meat and it *starts crying* just makes me so sad, I have to win this to show them that there’s a better way.

Ted: Chefs, before you there is a basket of ingredients.  You must use all of them, and your dishes will be critiqued by our panel of distinguished chefs on taste, presentation, and creativity.  If you can’t, you will be chopped.  Please open your baskets.  You must construct an appetizer using shank of unicorn, human hair, ground glass, and puffed cheese snacks. You have twenty minutes.

ANGELA: I see the puffed cheese snacks and I immediately think, haggis.  I run to the pantry and grab chickpeas and Sriracha, to give it a little kick.

GOOSEBERRY: Unicorn!  Whyyyyyy is there meeeeeeat!  (cries) Oh well, I’ll just have to suck it up and make it vegan as possible by pan-searing it and dousing it in chicken broth.

MADAGASCAR: I’m so stoked to see ground glass in the basket.  My mom used to cook with this all the time.  It has sort of a crunchy texture, so I’m gonna make pancakes.

(Shot of Bill looking alarmed and confused)

BILL: Guys…none of these are…food…uhh…

BILL: I just have this wad of human hair in my basket and I’m thinking, what the hell am I supposed to do with this?  But I know unicorn has to be soaked to get the glitter off, otherwise it’ll be way too salty and start sprouting little flowers, so I get that soaking and hope the rest will come to me.

JUDGE ALEX: What a great basket!  But I think it will be a real challenge for our chefs.

JUDGE SCOTT: There’s a lot you can do with puffed cheese snacks, but you’d have to be careful their saltiness doesn’t build on the natural saltiness of the unicorn shanks.  I’m so curious to see what they plan to do with the human hair, which in this basket is a mix of Asian, African, and Caucasian strands.

ANGELA: Some of these hairs are Asian, so I use them to tie the ends of my haggis.  I love showing off my specialty.

MADAGASCAR: Not many people would think to cook and eat a unicorn, but in Kazantzan, you take whatever comes your way.  I take the glitter and I put it into a puree for a sauce with vinegar, making sure to chant the ancient evil incantation over it that will keep it from sprouting.  But I’m running out of time, so I may have slurred some of the words together.

(Madagascar starts bleeding from the nose)

JUDGE ALEX: Ohhh, it looks like he’s reversed the S and the Q in “sesustngsnqsutintan.”  That’s the kind of mistake that could cost him some time.  You have to admire his ambition though.

BILL: I get the unicorn into the grill, but I haven’t even touched my hairball yet.  I remember thinking of a prank my big brother played on me once, so I throw the ground glass into the blender with some ice, vodka, and limoncello.

TED: And there is one minute left remaining!

ANGELA: I haven’t even started plating yet, my haggis isn’t done swelling, but I’m thinking, just get it on the plate.

GOOSEBERRY: I have one minute.  I’m gonna make a fresh green salad to represent my vegan lifestyle, and start making a vinaigrette.

TED: FIVE…FOUR…THREE…TWO…ONE…time’s up, please step back.

MADAGASCAR: I look down at my dish, and I’m pretty proud of what I’ve done.  Then I see that there’s nose blood on the plate.  I need that ten thousand dollars.

BILL: I quickly added the hairball as a garnish.

It’s not gross, it’s gormet

GOOSEBERRY: ohhhh nooo I forgot the unicorn shanks, the glass, the hairball, and the Cheetos (TV EDIT, TOTALLY DIFFERENT VOICE) puffed cheese snacks.  All I have is this red onion salad and white truffle dressing.

ANGELA: If I’d just had five more minutes, this would have been a killer cheese and hair haggis.  *shrugs*

TED: Alright chefs, let’s see what you made. Chef Bill.

BILL: I’ve made for you today a cheese-snack encrusted grilled unicorn shank, with a lemon glass slushie.

JUDGE ALEX (sternly): I love this.  You really handled the glitter beautifully, and the limoncello adds a lot of much-needed acidity to the salty flavors.

JUDGE SCOTT: I don’t like it.  There’s hair on my plate and I hate you.

BILL: It…it was one of the ingredients…

TED: Chef Angela.

ANGELA: Before you today we have a cheese snack and ground unicorn haggis, tied with Asian hairs and garnished with a tarragon and glass crumble.

JUDGE ALEX (sternly): The combination is brilliant, the flavors really play off each other well.  But mine is a little cold in the center, and you can see…I have sprouts.

ANGELA: It’s supposed to do that.  I meant to do that.

TED: Chef Madagascar.

MADAGASCAR: Today I’ve made you a unicorn pancake with a glass crust, and a glitter dipping sauce.

JUDGE SCOTT: I’m not getting any of the human hair.

TED: Tell us why you need to win today.

MADAGASCAR: I need to get my mother a new kidney, as we had to sell her good one to pay for my father’s ransom.  He’s okay now, but times have been hard with just one kidney to share between them.

JUDGE ALEX: There’s blood on my plate.  I can’t eat this.

TED: Chef Gooseberry.

GOOSEBERRY: I’ve made a vegan-friendly dish, with the unicorn, cheese snacks, and the hair omitted.  The glass did not make it onto the plate.

JUDGE SCOTT: This is just red onions and white truffle oil.

GOOSEBERRY: That is correct.

(TV EDIT, SCENE RECONVENES TEN MINUTES LATER)

GOOSEBERRY (with a black eye, sniffling): Thank you chef.

TED: Now whose dish has been put on the chopping block?

(DRAMATIC MUSIC AS WE LOOK AT EVERYONE’S SAD FACE)

TED (revealing Gooseberry’s dish): Chef Gooseberry, you’ve been chopped.

GOOSEBERRY: I was pretty disappointed to get chopped, but I stand by my work, and I’m proud nobody had to eat meat made by my hand. (leaves down the hallway)

TED: Next up, the entree round. WHO (flash to Madagascar) WILL (flash to Angela) BE (flash to Bill) CHOPPED???!!??

Inktober 07 - Planets.
Stay strong, you can do it.

Me and Mary are doing Inktober half and half! (Check out Day 6)

happy inktober i love rey

5

Hello Friends !!
I’m so happy to share my latest CC 
I tried my best to make this “ Realistic Genetics” which includes, Skin, 3d Teeth and Eyes(Face Paint, I am working on default and non-default ones ).
The skin is really complex, it has 4 types of face styles, including Asian, defined face, small eyelids and a normal one, it comes in overlay and colored.
The 3D teeth it’s a big fat new and I’m still working on them, still has some bugs, that’s why I included 5 different positions, but if you really like them and none of them match your sim’s head, you are free to edit it on blender , I really hope you guys like it ^-^

Download in the description /Promotional video-  https://youtu.be/LFowtW-pjaQ 

Olá amigos !! Estou tão feliz em compartilhar meu último CC Eu tentei o meu melhor para tornar esta “Realistic Genetics”, que inclui Skin, 3d Teeth e Eyes (Face Paint, estou trabalhando em padrões e não padrão). A pele é realmente complexa, possui 4 tipos de estilos de rosto, incluindo a face asiática, definida, as pálpebras pequenas e uma normal, vem em sobreposição e colorida. Os dentes 3D é um grande novidade e ainda estou trabalhando neles, ainda tenho alguns bugs, por isso incluí 5 posições diferentes, mas se você realmente gosta deles e nenhum deles coincide com a cabeça do seu sim, você pode editar no Blender, eu realmente espero que vocês gostem  ^ - ^ 

(Our tiefling warlock, Malveus, has a nasty habit of interacting with things by licking them. So far, this has included dripping dungeon walls, hallucinogenic mushrooms, a spider’s butt, a gray slime, and various other creatures.)
(Early on in our third session, the party comes across a corridor scattered with glowing crystals which shatter with a blinding light when handled roughly. A couple of us manage dexterity checks to collect a few, and then the expected happens.)

Malveus: I lick one.

DM: (exasperated) It explodes. And it takes all sensation in your tongue. You can still talk, but you can’t taste anything any more.

Malveus: What?! No!

Other warlock: Oh, man, that’s your special thing! How can you live without licking shit?

Malveus: Can I heal myself?

DM: A Lesser Restoration would do it, but none of you can cast that yet.

Malveus: (mutinous grumbling)

(We move on. After a minor scrap and some uneventful trekking through caverns, Malveus suddenly snaps.)

Malveus: I can’t take it any more! I need my freaking tongue back, guys! I summon Asmodeus to heal me.

(General commotion. Most of us think this is a stupid idea.)

DM: Fine, try it. But I hope you know just how high of a roll I’m going to make you –

Malveus: Natural 100.

DM: Bull!

Cleric: No shit, (DM,) he actually did it!

DM: Fuck. Okay, fine! Fine. Fuck it. Asmodeus the demon lord appears in a gout of sulphurous flame, and says, (scary voice) YES, MY SON?

Malveus: O my father, I beg of you, heal my broken tongue!

DM as Asmodeus: … WHAT THE FUCK, MALVEUS. YOU SUMMON ME FOR THIS SHIT? YOU’RE RIDICULOUS.

Malveus: Please, father, I –

DM as Asmodeus: SHUT UP, MORON. FINE, I’LL HEAL YOUR DAMN TONGUE. BUT IT’LL COST YOU YOUR SIGHT.

Malveus: Done!

Cleric: What? Are you nuts?!

Sorceress: Don’t be a damn fool!

Malveus: Guys, it’s fine. I can see through the eyes of my familiar, I’ll still be able to see. Ish. Totally worth it. Take my sight.

DM as Asmodeus: DONE. YOU’RE AN IDIOT. (regular voice) He heals your tongue, blinds you, slaps you across the back of the head and you take six bludgeoning damage, and then he vanishes.

Other tiefling: (waving cheerfully) Bye, Dad!

Malveus: I summon back my quozzit and put it on my head, so its eyes are about where mine are.

(So now our Malveus wanders through the Underdark with his centipede-formed familiar permanently affixed to the front of his face.)

What I Realized

Originally posted by pinkharold

This made my heart so happy. Thank you for requesting! Also, I hope you guys enjoy this gif of Harry from a wedding, it actually made my heart melt. Love you all so much. xx - L

A video of you and Harry from a wedding goes viral online.

Warnings: None

Word Count: 996

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One thing I really hope for incredibles 2 is that it’s just as violent as the first incredibles. I’m getting really annoyed with PC parents who hate violence in kid’s films so they end up being safe and watered down, so I’m really hoping Brad Bird says “fuck that” and continues making it violent fun.

Like the first incredibles had kidnapping, torture, death, a guy literally attempt suicide, child endangerment/harm, and a Murder Robot™. It would be so jarring to see none of that in the sequel you know?

dissonance [1]

summary: The King of Death finds he can also control life. || hades!bucky x persephone!reader

warnings: none that I can think of

note: Surprise, motherfuckers. This is kind of short [and kind of bad], just a few words shy of 1K. They’ll get longer as the story progresses, but I hope you guys like this. H’s book work isn’t included in this chapter, but he will be featured in some other things, and he did help me write/edit some of this. Let me know what you guys think. Feedback is always appreciated!

PROLOGUE

Originally posted by flyngdream

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Space Heater

Summary: When the heater goes out, you’re left freezing and unable to get warm. Luckily, Bucky might be able to help that.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 1838

Warnings: none (unless you count being very cold), just fluffy, cuddly goodness!

A/N: AHHH I’m back!! This is my first crack at writing fanfic in like 4 months since I’ve been on hiatus, but I’m excited to get writing again! I wanted to come back with a fluffy one-shot (since those are relatively easy), so here you guys go! As always, I hope you enjoy!

Originally posted by apocryphalstories

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⇁ paper doll | prologue

Originally posted by sugutie

pairing⇁Jungkook x Reader

genre⇁drama, slight angst ||  idol+singer-songwriter!au

warnings⇁sexual themes with smut in the next chapters, mentions of past unhealthy relationship 

word count⇁2k

When the nation’s little sister, IU, gets into a huge scandal, your agency seizes the opportunity to thrust you into that now vacant spotlight. Your self-composed song Paper Doll becomes an overnight sensation, and soon people are itching to find out who was the one who broke your heart. All hell breaks loose once netizens discover that you used to date popular idol, Jeon Jungkook. Little do they know that it wasn’t him who left the relationship unscathed — it was you.

alternatively: a story on the consequences of a hit break-up song

⇀  00 | 01 

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TL;DR: Dude came in asking for a recommendation regarding consoles. Very quickly became rude and implying things that were WAY uncomfortable…

So I work at the UK purple gaming store and it’s not uncommon to get asked by customers whether we recommend Xbox or Playstation more.

This one guy comes in and asks said question. I end up telling him what I tell everyone: “it comes down to what you want - if you want to play online with your friends then you’re best getting what they’re all on, otherwise it’s worth looking at the exclusive games and seeing what most appeals to you there.”

Bear in mind that my senior sales is standing next to me for more or less the entirety of this conversation.

Guy: “Well I’m not looking to play online with anyone and I’m not completely sure about the exclusives. What would you recommend in terms of the exclusive games?”

Me: “My game of the year is Persona 5, which you can only get on the Playstation, so yeah I’d recommend that.”

Guy: “Oh? Why would you recommend it?”

Me: “I’m a big fan of RPGs, the soundtrack is amazing, and it’s so easy to get sucked into the world. I mean I’ve already sunk over 60 hours into it.”

Guy: “Wow… You need a job…”

Me: *In uniform - part of which is a bright pink hoodie that’s pretty hard to miss* “Um… Ok?”

Senior Sales (SS): “Most people will watch TV for a few hours when they get home after work. We just play video games instead. It’s easy to rack that many hours up.”

Guy: “Well then you need a girlfriend.”

SS: “… I’ve been married for 10 years…”

Me: “I’ve been going out with my partner for a year and a half now…”

Guy: *Laughs* “Well then you should be doing more ‘extra-marital activities’.”

SS: “Dude, I had 3 kids in the space of 5 years…”

*Awkward silence*

Guy: “Well uh… Thanks for your help. Bye.”

I hope I never see that guy again. Firstly, dude, what I do in the bedroom is none of your fucking business. I’ve literally never seen you before, so it’s not even like we kinda know each other or have any sense of rapport. So why would you even make that joke? Plus who the fuck are you to step on someone’s hobby? I hope every console you buy gets fuckin’ bricked the second you try to play it…

Camp Camp Shipping Playlist

Hey, guys, so this took THREE DAYS to put together and I’m so sleep deprived but I don’t care?? I hope you enjoy the songs (none of which belong to me) that I listed!

All ships and songs are listed in ABC order, so don’t get sh00k if you’re scrolling and can’t find your favorite ship. It’s there, don’t worry.

P.S. If there’s a ship that I missed, it’s because I didn’t know it existed or because I chose not to acknowledge it’s existence (*cough* MAX//VID *cough*) ANYWAYYY,  IF THERE’S A SHIP THAT YOU LIKE AND IT’S MISSING THEN SEND ME A DM ABT IT AND I’LL ADD IT ALONG WITH SOME GOOD SONGS :D


Bonquisha x David


Bonquisha x Gwen


Daniel x David


Daniel x Jen


Daniel x Kevin


David x Gwen


David x Jasper


Ered x Nikki


Gwen x Jen


Harrison x Neil


Harrison x Nerris


Harrison x Preston


Max x Neil


Max x Nikki


Max x Preston


Max x Snake


Nikki x Nerris


Dadvid!! (not a ship, but I feel like David being a great father deserves a playlist)


The Trio (Max, Neil, Nikki)


The Magic Trio (Preston, Nerris, Harrison)

8

MAKE ME CHOOSE
maia roberts or simon lewis (asked by @alishawanwright) and maia roberts or maia roberts (asked by @moonylady)

“you still bitter about getting your ass kicked by a werewolf?”