Space Grumps inspired fic
Yeah. I’m trash. And I’m obsessed with @dannyaviclan damn Space Grumps au right now. Seriously man, you all should go read it!! It’s stupid good :D SO anyhow, here’s a fic I wrote from it. Sorry if anything is odd or not right with the au. I tried to keep it all in line, but of course we all have different views on ideas so. Here’s mine :)
So without further adieu, here we go! Yeh.
Brian had really fucked him over this time.
Dan used a hand to shield against one of the blinding suns of this planet, squinting to battle the other. From what he could make out, desert went on for miles, stretching as far as the eye can see. Dan kicked at the red dust below his feet, not at all satisfied as it spun up into the air, lazily drifting back down into the dry soil.
To be perfectly honest, Dan wasn’t even sure what had happened.
One moment he and Brian were laughing at something fucking stupid, couldn’t even recall what it was at this point, the next Brian was silent, pulling out a red gem and shoving it into Dan’s hands, a wild look in his eyes. Through their telepathic link he had said, “Don’t let anyone catch you with this. I’ll be back soon.” Before forcefully shoving Dan into the transporter.
Said transporter wasn’t really meant for transporting live organisms any greater size than a goat…. Though Dan supposed, there probably weren’t goats in the future. At least not the ones he was used to seeing.
So after e had rematerialised on the odd planet’s surface, jewel in hand, Dan had spent the next hour shouting at the sky for Brian to come back. After receiving no answer, Dan put away the gem in one of his many pockets and decided to walk. Eventually he’ll find civilization, right? Brian wouldn’t just abandon him for no reason, and on a deserted planet no less. He knew that because of Dan’s situation, he’d be the last person you’d want to leave alone on an alien planet and no way of contacting the one person he’d trusted since coming to the future.
There was no telling really with how long he walked. It could’ve been hours, it could’ve been days, he had no idea how the time cycle worked here after all. But what he did know was his throat burned from lack of supplement and his stomach growled in anger. Also Dan hadn’t managed to see one single being, human or otherwise, since he’d arrived here. He was pretty sure he was going to die.
At least that was until Dan saw a large and intimidating ship fly overhead, before touching the planet’s surface not a few yards away, the force from the jet engines nearly knocking Dan over as the wind kicked up sand in his hair and eyes. Dan had to look away just so he could not breath the stuff in.
From what he could see, three men came off the ship, discussing something intensely before looking in Dan’s direction. Brian’s words of caution rang in his mind.
“Don’t let anyone catch you with this.”
So Dan ran. And he was pretty sure the creatures ran too upon noticing Dan’s hasty escape.
Already out of breath, Dan tried to formulate a plan. On one hand he could just toss the damn jewel at them. They had to be after that, right? Or maybe they just happened to see this random fucking person wandering an empty planet and thought ‘hey let’s scare the shit out of him’. Then Dan up and runs, making them suspicious.
He shook his head. No. Something in his gut told him this had to do with the jewel that was put into his possession.
ANd that’s when he saw it. A town. A real fucking town. Unless of course his mind was playing tricks, but Dan really hoped not, for he could hear the cascade of boots drawing closer. If he was slowing down or they were speeding up, he did not know.
And finally, just as a skyline of buildings were being materialised in a much more reachable distance. Dan could just make out a- hover bike?- As something caught on Dan’s foot, making him fall to the ground harshly, red sand going up his orifices and causing Dan to freeze up with a violent cough, giving his pursuers the time they needed to catch up to him.
Glancing down at what he had hit, Dan gasped at what looked like a… wooden post? One that had obviously been cut down though. He didn’t have time to ponder the odd placement of it though as he was being kicked over to lay on his back, three disgusting beings hovering over him, greed and hunger in their beady eyes.
Dan had to fight the urge to gag at the disgusting smell the men were radiating. ‘Where they even men, though?’ Dan thought to himself. They could just as easily be women, what with the black/grey wrinkled skin, and hunched over backs, and three arms, all wielding claws and what Dan could only assume to be a gun. More than anything, Dan wished Brian was here. If not to save him, to at least identify what kind of beasts these were so Dan would at least have something to go on.
They all clacked in unison, pincers hidden by black lips, clicking and hissing into what Dan could only assume to be words. He looked confused between the three, trying to convey his issue with their language without coming across as rude.
Then one pressed what appeared to be a pen against his neck, Dan flinching from it but as a grotesque hand held him against it, there wasn’t much Dan could do.
A sharp pain shot into his neck up to his head, but he wasn’t focused on that. His attention was solely on the fact that suddenly, he could understand them. It wasn’t a very comforting conversation though.
“-kill him already! We know he has the gem!”
“Oh shut up already, I shot the injection, he can hear you now!”
One of them did what Dan thought to be a scowl, glaring down at the human laying before them. “Uhh… yeah. Hello. What exactly did you do to me?” Dan asked, uneasily, waving a hand but instantly dropping it at the death glare he received.
One spit on Dan’s leg, where it sizzled slightly, not exactly burning, but not very pleasant either.
“Shut up, human, we know you have it!”
Feigning ignorance, Dan was suddenly sure the jewel was what they were after. “What!?” He exclaimed, trying to subtly crawl backwards, but they saw right through him and immediately shot at the ground behind him, causing Dan to freeze in place.
“Don’t play coy, boy. Just hand over the jewel, and we won’t hurt you.”
Dan remained silent, eyes frantically looking for an escape. He thought he’d seen some dust swirl oddly, as if around a human form, but he didn’t think too much on it as suddenly a gun was being pointed between his eyes, a sickening grin behind it on the wielder.
“Hmph, very well. We’ll just have to pry it from your cold, dead hands!”
Though the line was an obvious cliche, Dan felt true fear spike through his chest, his eyes squeezing shut tightly, body tense and trembling. WHy the fuck did Brian give him this stupid thing? Why did he just drop him off on some unknown planet, no help, no life, just danger and soon death. Were these people chasing Brian? Was Dan some form of distraction? Was that all he was to Brian? Dan didn’t want to make assumptions on his best friend, but what else could he gather from this? Sure he could just hand over the gem and run, but Dan was almost certain they’d shoot him regardless, no point in dying a coward. Dan cringed at himself as tears arose. But who could blame him, wanting to cry in his final moments.
Suddenly three shots rang out in the dry, empty desert, making Dan jump and whimper at the loud noise.
But no pain came. Only the sound of bodies dropping, something wet dashing his cheek, as a shadow passed over his closed eyelids. With great hesitance, Dan slowly opened one eye, afraid to see what else was about to befall him, but instead of the three disgusting aliens, he was met with a cocky grin full of sharp teeth, and a dull pink uniform, dotted slightly with blood.
The man put a hand on his hip, gun in the air, smoke still rising from the warm barrel. “What’s a human like yourself doing in a place like this, hm?”
Dan gasped at the tail that swished back and forth behind the man, glancing up nervously at those sharpened teeth and reptilian like pupils,but… this guy did technically, just save Dan. And for that he was grateful, if not confused. He looked back at the bodies, stomach seizing slightly. Blood and death tended to make him queasy. “Are you going to try and kill me too?” Dan asked dully. Brian had left him here to die after all.
The creature’s eyes widened slightly, gun hand falling as he shifted his stance, from cocky to surprised and then finally guilt. “Wha- no! I just- ugh sorry. I was trying to look cool.”
A gloved hand was extended in Dan’s direction, that ferocious smile turning somewhat more friendlier and closed lipped. “I’m Captain Arin Hanson. I pilot the star craft, Starbomb. But you can just call me Arin, okay? And you are?”
Dan eyed the suspiciously sharp looking glove, but… this was the future. And space. Maybe it was normal to have sharp teeth and a tail on some planets?
Reluctantly, Dan took the hand, gasping slightly when he was easily pulled up. “I uh. Hi. I’m Dan. Avidan. People usually call me Danny. I uh I don’t pilot anything,” he said with a slight chuckle, feeling the gem’s weight lessen slightly as he felt he was no longer being hunted for it. A smirk appeared on his lips though and suddenly he couldn’t help himself. “I help navigate on the Starship Enterprise.”
Arin’s grin twisted up into a grin of amusement, arms crossing after replacing his weapon. “I watch star trek, man. Try again.”
“They have Star Trek in the future!?” Dan exclaimed without thinking. Then followed by a wince. He cleared his throat, trying to cover up what he had unknowingly revealed. “Uhh. Sorry. My uhh, my ship flew off. Without me,” Dan said nervously, kicking at the dust and looking away. He wasn’t sure what to reveal and what not to reveal. It didn’t seem like this guy was after the gem, but Brian had said- You know what. No! Fuck Brian! Dan crossed his arms in a huff, suddenly not really caring what Brian had warned him. He’d left him on a new planet, knowing that Dan didn’t know jack shit about space other than the few things he’d bothered to explain to him since bringing him here. “My prick of a best friend handed me some stupid fucking gem and left me here, saying he’d ‘be back soon’. Whatever the fuck that could mean.”
A laugh truly like no other, Arin clapped Dan on the shoulder, making the thinner man jump slightly. “Damn, that sucks hella balls. Mind if I see that gem for a second though?” Dan eyed the- Dinosaur! That’s it. He looks like a Dinosaur/human/Lizard thing- warily, not sure if he should.
“Dude, come on, look. I’ll even let you hold my gun, okay?”
At the offer, Dan agreed, though only pulling out the gem after he held possession of the gun. Little did he know, Arin could easily take him down before Dan even raised his arm to aim.
Tossing the gem over in gloved hands, Arin looked at Dan in confusion. “Uhh, Dan? You know this jewel is fake, right?”
“What!?” Dan put the gun back in Arin’s holster, the sudden contact making Arin jump slightly, giving Dan the chance to snatch the gem back, examining it in the light. “How can you tell!”
With a pointed finger, Arin pointed to a scratch on the side, a wry grin in place. “See that right there? A real gem wouldn’t scratch like that. That and… well I can smell the chemicals that went into faking it.”
“Sonofabitch!” Dan threw the thing on the ground in a rare spark of anger, stress and fear and betrayal coursing through him. Arin placed a hand on Dan’s shoulders, seeing the human deflate suddenly, never one to really hold onto anger for very long. “Now what am I gonna do…?” Dan asked sadly. He surely couldn’t just wait here until Brian returns. Who knew when that would be. And besides, he didn’t have any money. Already his throat and stomach were assaulting him from all directions, begging for nourishment.
As if on cue, Dan’s stomach gave a loud noise, Dan groaning and covering it in shame.
Biting his lip, as if in thought, Arin opened his mouth, only to be interrupted by a blue beeping on a device that greatly resembled an old flip phone in Dan’s opinion. With an irritated sigh, Arin pulled up the device, flipping it open, wondering in quiet amusement, just what was so shocking about the blue hologram of his ship’s AI that caused the man to gasp and stare disbelievingly.
“Captain,” the hologram said, a smile in place. “All supplements have been procured on The Starbomb. All crew members have returned without fail. We await your arrival to take off.”
Glancing between the AI and the human before him, eyes still widened comically in wonder, hands held over a hungry belly.
Dan looked up at his savior in confusion, one scarred eyebrow raised. “Yeah, Arin?”
“How would you feel about joining my crew while in search of your friend? We’ll provide you with free food and shelter so long as you’re with us.”
Dan’s face went through an array of emotions, until settling on gratitude, a smile widening on his face. “You had me at free food, honestly.”
Arin laughed, clasping Dan’s hand and nodding down at Barry once more. “Barry! You heard the man, make preparations for one more Bomber to join our recruits! And Dan, I must say. Welcome aboard the Starbomb. Glad to have you on hand.”