Betrayal / Steve (AU) Imagine
Summary: How is one supposed to feel when the shattering of their heart is forefront and shattering isn’t a strong enough word for the pain.
Is this what death feels like? The dull ache that finds it way in your jaw, your head and down your neck. The dull ache that results from holding back the tears as you wish them a happy life together. The nauseous that knots your stomach and creeps up your throat. The burn that comes from swallowing it so you can pretend to smile and be happy for the new couple.
Your former ex, who claimed to still be madly in love with you, and your best friend since you were old enough to talk. Together and in love.
“You’re the girl of my dreams” is what he would refer to you as.
Biting your lip so you focus on the metallic tinge of the blood in your mouth before focusing on the salty streams making their way down your face ruining your perfect makeup.
“I didn’t want it to end up like this. I swear” she paced back and forth watching your face. “We started hanging out, we have so much in common and things just progressed.”
You turned your face away trying to avoid her gaze. You refused to show weakness, to yell at her, to blame her. You refused to blame him. You blamed yourself for not seeing it sooner.
He had started to distant himself from you. No more random lunch dates, no more thinking of you texts or flowers just because. What changed? Why weren’t you good enough? Why weren’t you enough?
You wrapped your arms around your chest trying to hold together what dignity, of any, you had left. You left go of a shaky breath as you looked at her.
“I understand, really. I mean we can’t help who we fall for. Or who falls for us.” You took another breathe trying to find the strength to be strong.
“You’re my best friend and if you’re happy, then I’m happy.” You replied praying she didn’t hear the crack in your voice as you lied through your teeth.
She hugged your neck and you hugged back. She was your shoulder to cry in, your voice of sanity when you were breaking down. But this time she was the cause. You felt her let go and you took another deep breath. Things were different now.
“Don’t tell Steve I stopped by. He doesn’t know I’ve said anything to you yet. He wanted to tell you in his own time. In his own way.” She started to walk to the door.
“I was afraid you would hate me. I am so sorry it happened this way.” She said apologetically as she shut the door and walked out.
She didn’t cry. She didn’t try to understand your pain. She didn’t try to make you tell her what you really feeling at that moment. She didn’t want to hear how she betrayed you. She didn’t want to hear how much you were hating yourself. She didn’t want to hear how you were going to cry yourself to sleep tonight.
You sat down on your couch, curling your legs up to meet your face. You felt the tears fall and you couldn’t fight back anymore. There was no one to console you. No one to make you feel better. You screamed in pain as you let the sobs take over your body.
Your eyes were swollen and puffy. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to not breathe. It hurt to cry. It hurt to not cry. You sniffled as you dry heaved picking up your ringing phone. You couldn’t hold back the second? Third? 80th? round of tears that flowed as his name and picture displayed on your screen.
You screamed as you threw the phone against the wall. You started to let another sob take you when you heard a knock on your door.
“(Y/N). Can we talk? Please?”
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