i hold my breath when i hear lies

Betrayal / Steve (AU) Imagine

Summary: How is one supposed to feel when the shattering of their heart is forefront and shattering isn’t a strong enough word for the pain.

Warnings: Angst

Author: Ash

Master List

Prompt List


Originally posted by rickdixonandthefandomlifeposts

Is this what death feels like? The dull ache that finds it way in your jaw, your head and down your neck. The dull ache that results from holding back the tears as you wish them a happy life together. The nauseous that knots your stomach and creeps up your throat. The burn that comes from swallowing it so you can pretend to smile and be happy for the new couple.

Your former ex, who claimed to still be madly in love with you, and your best friend since you were old enough to talk. Together and in love.

“You’re the girl of my dreams” is what he would refer to you as.

Biting your lip so you focus on the metallic tinge of the blood in your mouth before focusing on the salty streams making their way down your face ruining your perfect makeup.

“I didn’t want it to end up like this. I swear” she paced back and forth watching your face. “We started hanging out, we have so much in common and things just progressed.”

You turned your face away trying to avoid her gaze. You refused to show weakness, to yell at her, to blame her. You refused to blame him. You blamed yourself for not seeing it sooner.

He had started to distant himself from you. No more random lunch dates, no more thinking of you texts or flowers just because. What changed? Why weren’t you good enough? Why weren’t you enough?

You wrapped your arms around your chest trying to hold together what dignity, of any, you had left. You left go of a shaky breath as you looked at her.

“I understand, really. I mean we can’t help who we fall for. Or who falls for us.” You took another breathe trying to find the strength to be strong.

“You’re my best friend and if you’re happy, then I’m happy.” You replied praying she didn’t hear the crack in your voice as you lied through your teeth.

She hugged your neck and you hugged back. She was your shoulder to cry in, your voice of sanity when you were breaking down. But this time she was the cause. You felt her let go and you took another deep breath. Things were different now.

“Don’t tell Steve I stopped by. He doesn’t  know I’ve said anything to you yet. He wanted to tell you in his own time. In his own way.” She started to walk to the door.

“I was afraid you would hate me. I am so sorry it happened this way.” She said apologetically as she shut the door and walked out.

She didn’t cry. She didn’t try to understand your pain. She didn’t try to make you tell her what you really feeling at that moment. She didn’t want to hear how she betrayed you. She didn’t want to hear how much you were hating yourself. She didn’t want to hear how you were going to cry yourself to sleep tonight.

You sat down on your couch, curling your legs up to meet your face. You felt the tears fall and you couldn’t fight back anymore. There was no one to console you. No one to make you feel better. You screamed in pain as you let the sobs take over your body.

Your eyes were swollen and puffy. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to not breathe. It hurt to cry. It hurt to not cry. You sniffled as you dry heaved picking up your ringing phone. You couldn’t hold back the second? Third? 80th? round of tears that flowed as his name and picture displayed on your screen.

You screamed as you threw the phone against the wall. You started to let another sob take you when you heard a knock on your door.

“(Y/N). Can we talk? Please?”

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Good Girl Ch 38: Sunshine and Rainbows Turned Into A Cloudy Day (M)


Kai and Sehun don’t even try to hide their giggles when I walk out of the closet. Their eyes turn into slits as they start laughing making me huff cutely before turning on my heel to walk back in to change. Kai manages to catch me and pull me into a hug.

“Sorry baby, but you just look so cute!” He coos at me. I pout when he holds me at arms length, eyeing me up and down as he licks his lips. I can’t help but blush under his gaze. The white baby doll dress they forced me into makes me look really little and cute, which is what they wanted of course.

“Hyung, stop looking like you are about to eat her, this is for Chen hyung,” Sehun snatches me away. I let the younger man drag me down the hall towards Chen’s room. In my thigh high stockings I’m easily pulled along to the door where Sehun quickly knocks before rushing back down the hall faster than I’ve ever seen him move. Worry washes over me at not just his actions but the way they all have been acting with Chen. Apparently there was some big test today that he was too busy to study for and he didn’t think he did well on it. I’ve also found out that only two things can really stress him out, his grades and me. And with me being gone the whole weekend not to mention the, um, business stuff they did he is really stressed.

In fact he hasn’t left his room since I’ve been home, he’s locked himself in for the whole night before storming off to class by himself when he usually rides with Baekhyun to school. Guilt is rocking me for making him worry and stress so much, which made it easy for Sehun and Kai to talk me into doing this for him. So now here I am standing in front of his door, basically shaking in my socks at the thought of him possibly being mad at me for possibly bombing his test. And when the door flies open and he’s standing there with a scowl on his face, in that moment I’m ready to start crying and apologizing. But only for that moment.

His face softens as the sight of me, his eyes scan me up and down taking in the stupid outfit I put on for him. A small smile appears on his face, “Baby.”

I give him my best smile before spinning around in a little circle, “Do you like it?”

“Oh, I love it! You look so cute! Who picked this out?” Chen pulls me into his room, making sure to close and lock the door behind me.

“This is the one daddy Kai picked out when I went shopping for a birthday dress.”

“And you’re actually wearing it? I would have picked something like this if I didn’t think you would have rejected it.”

“Do you really like it that much?” I giggle at the massive grin that grew on his face.

“I love you in that dress that much,” He pulls me close and kisses me softly.

When he pulls away I smile sadly at him, “I’m sorry about your test.”

“It’s okay baby,” He quickly pushes the thought away, far too focused on my to even think back to the test. “I can retake it, hell I could drop out if I wanted to.”

“You’re just saying that because you are distracted by something else.”

“I am very focused right now,” He mumbles unable to take his eyes away from me. “How would feel about keeping the dress on?”

“I can where it for as long as you want, I just kind of figured you’d want to, um…” I blush, still unable to say it.

“Oh, I do,” He doesn’t explain further, he just pulls me back in for another kiss, this one is a little less innocent. I wrap my arms around his neck and smile into the kiss when he picks me up and carries me over to the bed. His attempt to set me down doesn’t work well when I’m able to roll us over so I’m giggling on top of him. “You’ve put on a little weight haven’t you,” He teases as he feels up my thighs that are straddling his waist.

“Daddy that’s mean! I’m trying to be sexy for you,” I swat at his chest only to have him catch my hands in one of his and flip us over so he’s on top.

He chuckles at the little whine that escapes my lips, “I’m not being mean, and you are doing a very good job being sexy for me. I’m happy you are putting some much-needed meat on your bones. Your thighs are so full, I can’t see your ribs anymore when I give you a bath, I’m happy you don’t look like a skeleton anymore.”

“Daddy, I’m supposed to be making you feel better, not the other way around,” I buck my hips against his making the man groan.

“This is making me feel good. I just want you to know how much you are wanted and needed here. You were gone for a weekend, not even a full 48 hours and I couldn’t focus on anything but you.” He sighs before leaning in and burying his face in the crook of my neck. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” I leave a trail of kisses down his neck. “But now stop with this fluffiness. Where is my silly daddy who can hardly ever keep a straight face?”

He leans back with a smile on his face, “Okay, I’m done, now back to the little hip thrusts you were doing before.”

“You mean these?” I buck against him again.

“Exactly,” He grins as he kisses me a few times as his hands slide up my thighs to the exposed skin in between my stockings and lace panties. “I love these stockings, who the fuck dressed you?”

“Kai and Sehun,” I say breathlessly, already worked up just from his small touches.

“I’m surprised they know how to put such nice lingerie on, garter and everything. I figured their talent would be in taking it off.” We laugh even as he peels off my panties and throws them aside we lay there, just enjoying each other’s company. This is what I love about Chen, he can make such intense and intimate acts funny and silly. Especially when he crawls off the bed to take his pants off, but not as smoothly as he was hoping. The cute man ends up tumbling to the floor with his pants still half on leaving me dying on the bed, clutching my stomach as laugh. When he manages to get his pants off he stands tall like it didn’t happen, “Are you laughing at me little girl?”

I have to force myself to stop laughing and press my lips in a tight line so giggles can’t spill out, “Nope.” But I can’t, I really can’t at the sight of his SpongeBob boxers that leave me dying in laughter once again. He quickly climbs back on the bed and pins me down but I neither one of us can take his dominate look seriously. After about five minutes of us trying to get all the laughs out we are able to try and continue.

“Okay baby girl, I’m being serious now,” He tries to keep his face serious. I help by not cracking up again, instead I look up at him with wide innocent eyes.

“Okay, Daddy, I’m sorry.”

He cracks a smile at that, “Good girl. Now tell me something baby, do you know how to make daddy feel really good?”

I bite my lip and nod, “Of course.” He flips us back over so I’m on top before scooting back until his head rests on the pile of pile of pillows at the top of the bed. His legs are open slightly, inviting me in between. I lick my lips as I crawl up to him, opening his legs a little wider, dragging my nails up his bare legs until I reach his boxers. Not breaking eye contact I pull his boxers down like he did to me and toss them away. I lean forward, looking away for just a second to kiss the head of pink manhood. After a few soft kitten licks I look back up making sure he’s watching as I take the whole thing into my mouth.

He can’t keep his eyes open when I begin to bob up and down, his head tips back as his hands find their way to my hair. My hands are resting on his hips to make sure he doesn’t buck into my mouth like I know he’s dying to do. I slurp and suck him for all he’s worth until he is moan in both pleasure and frustration. Upset that I won’t let him fuck my mouth, last time he got a little too rough giving me a sore throat and him a beating from the others so I’m trying to do us both a favor. But he doesn’t appreciate it and the next thing I know Chen moves behind me and pushing me into the mattress.

“Baby, were you teasing daddy?” He purrs in my ear. My ass is up in the air with skirt pushed out of the way, giving him a perfect view of what he wanted to see.

“Of course not,” I stammer out when I feel his hands caressing my ass. I hold my breath waiting for what’s to come. As if on cue his hand comes down hard on my left cheek, the sting makes me yelp but it would be a lie to say I wasn’t getting me wet.

“Oh, you also lied to me, that’s another one,” I can hear the grin in his voice as he spanks me again. He rubs my red cheek, even places a few kisses on it to help with the sting. He surprises me by sliding himself into me without warning. I let out a mixed moan and yelp, making the man above me laugh. “Did I surprise you baby?” I can’t get myself to respond, my mind is spinning and my body tries to adjust to his size for a second before he starts thrusting slowly.

We both moan as he lazily pumps in and out, he leans over me, leaving kisses across my shoulders. His hands wrap around my body to find my breasts, his skilled hands massage and pinch at them threw the thin fabric, earning more moans from me and building up the already wound knot in my belly. Neither of us last very long, after a few more thrusts we are both grinding frantically threw our orgasms.

He pulls out of me before quickly pulling my dress off and holding me close to cuddle. I give him a questioning look, “I thought you liked the dress?”

“I do, I just prefer to feel your skin against mine instead of that itchy fabric.”

“Good to know,” I hum as I snuggle in to his embrace and he pulls the covers over us.

“I never got to ask, how was your weekend? He didn’t do anything to you right?” He wonders as he tucks my head under his chin.

I bite my lip, happy Chen can’t see my face right now, he would know something was wrong, “Of course not. It was really fun.”

“Any chance you are willing to tell me what we did in your dream? Luhan hyung told me that you thought we were going to kill you.” I don’t answer. “I take that as a no.”

“You didn’t really do anything,” I sigh, “You just encouraged it like normal.”

“What do you mean?”

’Make sure it hurts Yeol, I want to hear her scream.’” I repeat what the cold man in my dream said.

“What was Chanyeol doing?”

I burry my face deeper into his chest, not wanting anything to do with the memoires of that nightmare but I manage to choke it out, “He was going to rip out my teeth.”


The next morning

“Do we have to let her go?” Sehun whines at the breakfast table where he has been holding me hostage on his lap. The others try to ignore him and the irritation they are all feeling.

“It’s a deal Sehun we all knew this was going to happen. At least we got an extra day with her,” Suho reasons with a sigh, even though he understands he is still upset. I can’t really blame them. It’s Tuesday, Jiyong’s day with me and just like my daddies, I’m unnerved at the idea of seeing him again so soon. But mine is for a different reason.  I told him that I love him. I’m so freaking nervous I feel so tempted to ask my daddies to call him and tell him that I’m sick or something but that would raise questions on why I don’t want to go. That isn’t something I want to deal with right now.

“You guys will have her all day so you have not right to complain,” Kris sneers.

“We only have three classes with her,” Kai corrects.

“That’s more then any of us,” Tao snaps back.

“Can we not fight about this?” I ask meekly.

“Why can’t you just tell him you don’t want to see him today, that you want to skip this week?” Sehun asks hopefully.

I shake my head, “He’ll get mad.”

“Why would ask such a stupid question Sehun? We all know she would never cancel her night with her favorite oppa,” Xiumin growls not even looking in my direction.

“Daddy Xiumin,” I start but he doesn’t bother to listen.

“I don’t want to hear it today baby. You have fun with him tonight, I’m going to be staying late in the office today and I’m heading in earlier so see you all in the morning.” Xiumin is on his feet and heading to his room at his last word. I watch him go with my mouth hanging open, dumbstruck and upset that he didn’t even let me tell him to go ahead and call.

“Hyung’s crabby today,” Kai grumbles.

Kris tsk at us, “Can you really blame him? Hyungnim just gets to take her whenever he wants because she wants to go. If any of us tired that someone would pop and say it’s unfair and we’d end up having everyone getting together. The only one who can say no to Hyungnim is Jooyoung and she won’t do it. And it’s really fucking unfair that he can have you to himself for a night out, I wish I could take you on a date. Take you to a nice dinner where we could just talk and talk like you do with him. To bad I’d have to wait my turn.” He stands up and storms off like Xiumin.

The room goes silent except for the sound of me breathing deeply to keep myself from crying. I feel like my heart has been ripped out, I’m an asshole. I always forget how greedy I  am, I have all twelve of them and I barely get to give all of them that much attention. A tear slides down my cheek that I quickly wipe away.

Sehun tries to hold me tighter but I jump out of his embrace, “Baby, they are just irritated, don’t be upset.”

“You don’t understand how hard it is to have to share you with each other let alone another guy who is obviously trying to steal you away. You just don’t ever think about all the drama that follows,” Suho tries to say it gently but I can hear the bitterness he has for me in his voice.

“I’m sorry, I’m just constantly told not to think about anything really that doesn’t have to do with rainbows and fucking sunshine,” I give them a bitter sweet smile. “Can someone take me to school? I’m want to get out of your hair as soon as possible this morning so I don’t cause anymore drama.”

“Baby-“ Baekhyun starts but I cut him off.

“I can call Jihyo if you want or the boys, whatever is less drama for you. Hell I’ll walk if that makes it easier for you,” I laugh humorlessly.

“Jooyoung, please stop talking like that!” Luhan both demands and begs.

“I’ll call them on my way,” I rush towards the door where my backpack is waiting.

“I’m getting my keys,” Lay yells from behind me, “Baby, please wait.”

anonymous asked:

Companions + Maxson and Dr. Li react to the Lone Wanderer's untimely return?

Hm..I’ll try but I’ve never played fallout 3 personally :) 

Piper: She’s only ever heard rumors about the Lone Wanderer. Some people didn’t even believe they ever existed at all. The hero of the capital wasteland. She’s a little speechless when she meets them and her first thought is…oh, this would be an amazing article. 

Preston: He’s heard stories about the Lone Wanderer, each more out there than the last. He thought they were just a legend but here they are. He’s in awe. He can’t help but ask about certain things he’s heard..are they true? 

Curie: Completely oblivious she has no idea who they are. She’s very curious though because everyone seems so shocked. 

X-6: The institute had files on the Lone Wanderer but nothing concrete. There was barely anything on them. He’s intrigued but wary. It seems the legends were true. 

Danse: He’s heard the other soldiers talk about the Lone Wanderer but he never thought much of it. He’s a stunned and depending on the Lone Wanderer’s supposed relationship with the brotherhood he might be friendly or aggressive. 

Nick Valentine: Like Piper and Preston he’s heard stories about the Lone Wanderer but he always thought most of the tales were an exaggeration. Like the others he has all kinds of questions but he can restrain himself. Instead he just listens to them explain why they’re there. 

Deacon: “Tinker Tom is not going to believe this.” He’s excited. People have speculated about the Lone Wanderer for years but here they are, in the flesh. 

Hancock: “And I here I thought you were just another fairy tale.” He grins a little. He’s heard so many rumors and honestly he just wants to know if any of them are true. 

Cait: “Who the fuck are you?”

Maxson: He can’t quite believe it. He remembers them..he met them when he was a kid..at the citadel. They were a legend back in the capital wasteland. One day..they just disappeared.  “You. I remember you.” He’s wary as he walks up to them. The wanderer already knows who he is. “Arthur Maxson.” “Yes.” The Lone Wanderer tilts their head a little and can’t help but smirk. “You’re..you’re a lot bigger than I remember.” He ignores that, of course he is. He was ten. “What is your purpose here?” 

He’s on the defensive despite their past. He doesn’t know why they’re here or what they want. “I’m just passing through, Arthur.” They can’t quite believe this is the same little boy they met all those years ago. The slightly timid one who wrote ridiculous stories in his terminal and could perfectly recite the Brotherhood codex. That little nerd is the elder now. 

Depending on the Lone Wanderer’s personality they might be proud of him or disappointed in the man he’s become. Depending on their actions in the Capital Wasteland (supporting or betraying the brotherhood) Maxson might accept them or be completely and utterly hostile towards them (particularly if they killed Sarah Lyons which was apparently an option at some point.)  

Maccready: His mouth falls open and he can’t help but smirk a little. “Holy sh- crap. It’s you!” The Lone Wanderer glances at him, not recognizing him and he strolls up to them. “Do I know you?” “What? You don’t remember me in your old age?” It takes them a minute and then they recognize his voice. Oh my god it’s that foul mouthed brat, Maccready. The mayor of little lamplight. They can’t help but grin “Well well…who’s the fucking mungo now?” Maccready grins back and retorts with. “Oh, no..you’re still a mungo.” 

Li: She’s working on something when she hears them. “Doctor. Li.” she drops whatever she’s holding as she looks up and recognizes them. “Oh my god..is it really you?” “Yeah, it’s me.” She smiles for the first time in a long time. He/she looks so much like their father it takes her breath away. “I thought you were dead.” “So did I.” They admit and she stands up to greet them properly. “Where have you been?” She feels a sense of pride knowing that the both of them helped save the Capital Wasteland. James would have been so proud. 

lunar-sensate  asked:

Stormpilot + apocalypse au because I'm evil and like to give people feels.


  • The first night after the world turns to shit, Poe and Finn join forces with a few others gathered in the lobby of a community center. They board the doors and block out the windows and gather around a small fire Finn made out of pamphlets off the wall. 
  • Poe quickly takes charge, and maps out a plan for them to move to the nearest supermarket without being seen by any other scavengers.
  • Finn elects to stay at their makeshift camp with an injured woman from the group, and a five year old boy. 
  • Before Poe leaves to lead the other group members on their supply run, Finn awkwardly reaches his hand out to shake Poe’s. Poe looks at Finn’s hand in disbelief and pulls Finn into a tight hug, and tells him “I’ll see you soon, buddy.” Finn feels a flush creep up his neck as the little boy asks “Was that your husband?” when Poe walks away.
  • Finn agonizes for five hours waiting for Poe and the rest of the group to return. Of course they do, and of course they’re all in one piece. Poe darts into the lobby, followed by the five others who had accompanied him, and runs straight to Finn, clapping his hand on the back of Finn’s neck and pressing their foreheads together, whispering “I told you so”
  • Not every supply run goes so smoothly as the first
  • Their group dwindles from 8 to 5
  • And from 5 to 3
  • And then it’s just Poe and Finn
  • Poe has a knack for hot wiring any car they can find abandoned on the side of the road. The problems come when all of the cars are either damaged beyond repair, or completely out of gas. 
  • Food is harder to come by now, it’s been months since the world went to shit, and scavengers have taken almost anything usable
  • Poe constantly tells Finn, “If we could just find a plane, we’d be safe”. Finn’s not sure they’ll ever be safe.
  • Poe is the only motivation Finn has anymore. Even when his lips are cracked and dry, and he hasn’t had food or water in days, one glance at Poe’s matted dark hair, one brush of Poe’s fingers against his as they work together to break a lock on a door, these things are enough.
  • When the world first turned, they were trying to avoid other people. Anyone but them could have been dangerous. Now its been so long since they’ve seen another person, they try to make themselves visible. They stick to main highways and railroad tracks, moving aimlessly, trying to remain motivated
  • Poe wakes up cold and clammy in the middle of the night, gasping for breath. Finn immediately panics, feeling Poe’s forehead with the back of his hand. Despite Poe’s protests, Finn leaves immediately. There’s a hospital down the road, and he knows he can find some type of medicine for Poe there. 
  • For hours Poe waits in silence. When morning breaks he has a feeling something has happened to Finn. When night falls, he knows it. He lies on the floor in tears, his whole body heaving. It’s been so long since he’s been without Finn.
  • Light peeks through the windows of the house where Poe has been waiting. He hears footsteps toward the house. Finn crashes through a door, out of breath but in one piece. He smiles at Poe, holds up a stuffed first aid kit, and smugly says “I told you so”. 

Send me a pairing and an AU, and I’ll tell you my headcanons!

Blue and Green

Here’s the requested fic. This is the much-anticipated conversation between Jane and Lisbon where they say what needs to be said. Takes place after Jane finds out Lisbon might move to DC.


“Don’t go.”

The softness of his voice almost prevented her from hearing it, but the simple phrase was unmistakable when he repeated it, bowed head rising slowly, so that deep pools of stormy blue met clear green.

“Please, don’t go.”

Teresa Lisbon’s thoughts swirled, contemplating all the things Jane could possibly mean as he stood on her doorstep, hair and clothing sopping wet from the downpour outside.  It could be any number of things, there was a reasonable explanation; she was sure. And yet, when the possibility that he was here about that one certain thing crossed her mind, Lisbon couldn’t help but feel her stomach plunge.

“Jane, what are you talking about?” She ushered him inside, closing the door quickly and shutting out the rain.

“I don’t want-… I can’t-…”

 Jane swallowed, shifting his weight and choking back the truth as fear began to take over and the brave moment faded. The usually charming, silver-tongued consultant felt himself at an utter loss- an inarticulate, selfish fool.  He cursed himself silently, eyes shining in frustration and self deprecation. He should have never come, he should have known better! She was happy, happy with him. Why couldn’t he just let her be happy?

Jane.” Lisbon’s soothing voice cut through the dark thoughts that surrounded him and brought him back to the moment. He scared her when he was like this. She very rarely saw this side of him, so… raw, so vulnerable. Lisbon gazed upon the pitiful man before her, blonde curls plastered to his head, suit jacket heavy and darkened by the extra water weight, eyes pleading, imploring. She resisted the urge to gather him up in her arms and offer comforting assurances, and scolded herself for even thinking it. Instead, Lisbon cracked a tiny smirk.

“You’re dripping on my carpet.” She remarked gently, in an attempt to ease the tense air in the room.

Jane looked down upon himself, brow un-furrowing and a small smile of his own growing on his lips.

“So I am.”

“I’m going to get you a towel, and then we can sit with some tea and talk about whatever’s going on with you, okay?” Lisbon turned to head up the stairs, and as soon as her eyes left his he felt the panic rise up to his neck like a tide, the fear and the pain coming back like old memories and suddenly he was suffocating from the knowledge that as soon as she disappeared up those stairs his nerve would leave him permanently, and this was his chance, his one chance to finally say what needed to be said and by this point it was probably already too late, this is his last chance-

“Teresa!” His hand captured hers, and she whirled to face him, somehow shockingly beautiful in sweatpants and an old t-shirt. He struggled to spit out the words, praying to a God he didn’t even believe in that if he just got the words out, maybe he’d be able to finally get some sleep.

“I need… I need to say it now. Or I never will. Teresa, I don’t want you to go to D.C. with Pike.”

Teresa’s wide eyes softened and she gave his hand a tiny squeeze.

“Jane, I would still see you. I promise I’d visit whenever I could.” She grinned, flashing that knee-weakening smile. “You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

He shook his head, still gazing up at her a couple stairs above him, their hands tightly conjoined.

“You don’t understand. I don’t want you to go to D.C…. with Pike.”

The realization of what he was saying struck her like a cold wind through her bones.

“Oh….” She breathed out, sliding her hand out of his grasp. “Jane…”

Her apparent rejection was a bullet in his heart, but he couldn’t stop, pent up emotions rolling off his tongue in run-on streams, the cup finally overflowing as he stepped up toward her.

“I can’t bear the thought of not seeing you every day. I just… I want to wake up to your smile every morning, and I want your eyes to be the last thing I see before I fall asleep every night. I want to make you chicken soup when you’re sick, and buy you ice cream when you’re sad.” His eyes began to burn with tears. He wiped them away hurriedly, hoping she hadn’t seen.

She had.

He took another step closer, their bodies close enough to feel the heat of each other. His voice lowered, but retained its fiery passion.

“I want to hold you in my arms and listen to you talk about your day. I want to kiss you awake, make you pancakes every Sunday, and I want to hear your three A.M. thoughts as your head lies on the pillow next to mine.”  He took a deep, shuddery breath, his hand finding hers once again. “Most of all, I want you to know every second of every day that you are safe, you are loved, and you are wise.”

Lisbon bit down on her lower lip, a frustrated tear spilling from her eye and cascading down her cheek as she glared at the man in front of her.

“Goddammit, Jane!” The tears kept flowing, as a shocked and confused Patrick Jane stumbled backwards. “Now? You decide to tell me this now?!  Your timing is on-damn-point, you know that?”

“Teresa, I-“

“No!” She shoved him, forcing him down the last two steps. “You don’t get to do this now. Not when I’ve just finally given up on you, not when I’ve finally just met a man who treats me right and appreciates me and makes sure I know that he wants to be with me!” She advanced. He retreated. After a long, furious stare into his sad, blue eyes, she let out a quiet sob, looking away.

“You’re right,” Jane spoke softly, only remorse and sorrow in his voice. “I’m sorry.” A long pause. He leaned forward, pressing his lips to her tear-tracked cheek in a chaste kiss of farewell. “I’m glad that you’re happy.”

Lisbon sniffled, shaking her head again. Matching his softness, she implored, almost begging.

“Why couldn’t you just have come to me a couple of months ago?”

Jane’s hurt boiled hot and quick from somewhere deep within him, springing to the surface in one entirely exposed moment as he clutched his left hand with his right, feeling the smooth metal of his wedding band under his fingerpads, an automatic response to the triggering question.

“Because… I’m… I was afraid…”

“Afraid of what, rejection?! You’re a goddamn genius, Jane, but you wouldn’t have to be to realize how long I’ve lo-“ She paused. “How long I’ve had feelings for you.”

“No, I was afraid for you!” The sentence was barely out before his swollen eyes finally yielded patient droplets, a flood of suppressed heartache.  “I was afraid that you’d get hurt, that I would hurt you!” He broke down completely- deep, body racking sobs shuddering through his frame. Bitterly, he managed to get out, “That’s what happens. Everybody that I love ends up getting hurt… because of me.” Years and years of guilt surfaced as the layers of Patrick Jane were pulled back to reveal an utterly broken man, a man who Teresa Lisbon pulled into her arms, surrounding him with her warmth and love.

Murmuring comforts, she sat down on the sofa and pulled him in, resting his head on her lap as she stroked his hair and let him cry.

“It’s not your fault… It’s not your fault…” She repeated, drawing him closer still. She squeezed her eyes shut, some part of her really believing that if she could just concentrate hard enough, she could take his pain away.

Long after the last remnants of tears subsided, they stayed like that, the former CBI agent and her consultant, cuddling on a sofa.  In the time passed, the sun had made its bow, leaving only darkness and the light of the moon.

The silence was not uncomfortable, in fact both parties were perfectly content to enjoy each other’s warmth in the dimly lit living room, but eventually Jane’s voice ended it.

“I love you.”

Lisbon’s hand froze. A second passed. Unfroze. Jane continued.

“I love you, and I’ve loved you for a long time.”

A whisper returned the answer.

“So have I.”

Jane smiled into Lisbon’s thigh and sat up slowly.

“I want to be with you.”

The same whisper.

“So do I.”

Their lips met so gently, so lightly, like the first stroke of a paintbrush on a blank canvas. They became a tangle of skin and caresses, hair and kisses. The darkness of the room heightened each other sensation, and it seemed even the smallest of touches sent waves, ribbons, tingles of delight through both bodies. An exploration of senses, of bodies and desires permitted intimacy in its most revered state- complete, and utter unity, as minds and bodies became one.

Hours passed, and Jane did indeed hear Lisbon’s innermost thoughts at three A.M. The last image his laughing eyes captured before weariness overtook them were two pools of wild, jungle green. In the morning, he kissed her awake, and was elated that her smile was the one of the first things he saw. He even made her pancakes (and was immediately rewarded with a particularly appreciative kiss). Perhaps the most wonderful thing, however, was that throughout it all, it was Jane that ended up feeling safer, more loved, and wiser than he ever had before.

“Jane, pass the syrup.”



“….I think maybe you can call me Patrick, now.”