sometimes my mother tells me she loves me and i don’t want to say it back / i say it anyway. she taught me long ago that what i want is not as important as what other people need.
i am still trying to untangle that lie.
sometimes my father hugs me like i am all he has left in this world. i want nothing more than to leave. i stay because i carry his heart on my shoulders and my shoulders are already shaking. if i move it will fall.
i refuse to break hearts if i can help it / i cannot always help it.
yesterday i fell in love with an idea, with a floating cloud of dust / half-invisible / choking on air, on the particles of you.
tomorrow i will try to remind myself to look at the stars. i will forget to stare at the sky but this is fine / this is fine / i can find them in your eyes just as easy. next week i will try to remind myself to hold your hand. i will forget.
i am too busy staring at andromeda / the chained maiden. love never lasts and this is how i navigate home.
can you do an insert or something for Hiraeth? I"m not ready to let this story go
A/N: Spoilers for those who haven’t read, but set any time after chapter six, when Beckett starts sleeping in Castle’s bed.
She is rarely a deep sleeper to begin with, always ready for the buzz of a cell phone, the drop of a body, to wake her. But since he disappeared and she would crawl into bed praying for a phone call, she sleeps restlessly and anxious to wake. Since he’s come back and she’s returned to his bed, she sleeps even lighter, drifting along the edges of consciousness.
So when a nightmare has him twisting and turning beside her, Kate’s eyes are already open and her hand is already reaching for him. He’s had nightmares in the past, the curse of a writer’s imagination plaguing him after a hours at his laptop or hours with her on a hard case, but she knows the bad dreams have become a far more frequent occurrence these days.
She touches her hand to his shoulder blade, fingertips scaling scars she still isn’t familiar with beneath the damp t-shirt.
“Castle,” she calls, clearing her throat when his name leaves it in a rasp. “Castle, wake up.”
He rolls onto his back, mumbling incoherencies, his chest heaving with a fast heartbeat. Kate shifts to rise onto her elbow, lean over him, but when her fingers graze his throat, his entire body goes stiff. Castle’s arm snaps up from his side, seizing her wrist in his grasp with impressive speed. Her lips part around his name once more, but he’s up and rolling on top of her before she can speak it.
The weight of his body pins her to the mattress, knocks the breath out of her before she can gasp. His fingers curl around her wrists, hard enough to bruise, and she’s reminded of his size, just how strong he truly is. One of her legs reflexively hitches to defend herself, but she stops before she can bring her knee to his groin.
Even though his eyes are open, he’s staring down at her unseeing. Still asleep.
“Rick,” she breathes, her own heart racing beneath his. She hates to imagine what he must be dreaming of to hold her down with such force, whom he’s trying to subdue. “You’re dreaming, Castle. You’re with me.”
His fingers twitch at her wrists, his lashes flutter, and Kate is able to slip a hand from his grasp, lift it to his cheek.
“Castle.” One of her legs is trapped beneath his, but the other curls at his thigh, draws him down to her. Anchors him. “Hey, you’re here with me. You’re safe with me.”
He blinks, his brow furrowing as his gaze clears, settles on her beneath him before flicking around the room to register his surroundings.
The tension drains from his body, from hers, and his grip on her wrist goes slack. She raises her other hand to his cheek, earns the slide of his gaze back to her face.
“Kate?” he whispers, the horror leaking into his eyes. “Shit, I - what did I do? Are you okay? Was I hurting you-”
“I’m fine,” she promises, but he’s shaking, his arms quivering as he tries not to collapse on top of her any more than he already has. He has that little boy look of terror written all over his face and it’s breaking her heart.
Kate tightens the leg at his thigh, strokes her thumbs to his cheeks before she twines her arms around his neck, embracing him. His chest shudders and he sinks against her, slips his arms around her frame, and chokes out a broken noise into her shoulder.
“It’s okay,” she promises, even though it isn’t. He isn’t and she’s scared for him, afraid of whatever put that terrified look on his face.
He’s quiet for a long moment and she almost asks if he remembers the dream, if he can recall who had his heart galloping and his skin going damp, who he was seeing before the haze in his eyes dissipated for her.
She feels the heat of his breath against her clavicle, the drop of moisture seep through the sleeve of her shirt.
“I’m sorry,” he rasps, but she shakes her head, resists the urge to tighten her arms around him.
“You were dreaming-”
“I could have hurt you,” he groans, the shame in his voice all consuming. “I could have - maybe you shouldn’t be in the bed with me, Kate. I couldn’t handle it if I-”
“Rick, nothing happened,” she insists, unable to stand the guilt that doesn’t belong in his mouth.
“I’m not going anywhere.” It comes out a little more forcefully than she meant it to, but it has him deflating with a sigh against her.
“Fine,” he mumbles. “But just - wake me up, shake me or something, if it happens again.”
“Almost kneed you,” she admits, relishing the relief that floods her chest at the choked sound of his laughter.
“Thank you for sparing me, but if that’s what it takes to-”
“I knew you wouldn’t hurt me,” she murmurs, brushing her thumb to the top of his vertebrae. “You woke up, Castle.“
He doesn’t say anything, releasing another sigh into her skin. She wants to tell him that it’s okay, that it will be okay, but she knows it won’t help, that the words are empty.
He’s close enough for her to press her cheek to his, but Castle is already easing off of her, onto his side. She goes with him, lets him draw her into the cove of his body. She copies his position, pressing her forehead to his shoulder, sucking in a shallow breath of his scent, and unfurling her fingers at his back.
His scars are raised beneath her palms, meeting the tips of her fingers through the barrier of his t-shirt between them. She leaves her hands splayed across his spine, closes her eyes against his collarbone, and trains her breath to match his until the band of his arms slowly loosens and his chest rises and falls against hers without trouble.
She can’t sleep like this, embraced so snug and warm, but she doesn’t dare move. She doesn’t want to.
Kate closes her eyes, allows her heart the rare indulgence of peace it’s found since his return, encourages its beat to block out the low roar of panic that is constantly brewing in the back of her mind.
She’s not back in this bed with him solely for his sake. She needs to be here, needs his body close and in reach, needs the reminder.
It’s become the only way her heart will calm at night.
Re: this piece of a review I received from a ‘guest’ on Hiraeth.
First of all, I never ignore reviews. I read every single piece of feedback I’m lucky enough to receive and take each review to heart, whether it be positive, negative, or critical. None are ever simply disregarded.
To all who have ever spared the time to write a review for one of my stories, a chapter, etc., if I fail to respond personally to you, please know it is not because I am ungrateful or don’t have anything to say in return. I am never ignoring you. But due to the volume of reviews I am privileged enough to receive, it can be difficult to reply to everyone on both FFNet and Twitter, as well as Tumblr. I love sharing my work with all of you, I love hearing your thoughts and opinions, but there is just not enough time in the day for me to answer every single review, message, and tweet every single time. I hope you can forgive me for that.
Secondly, say what you will about my work - you’re entitled to disagree with how I write a character or how I handle a situation in a story. You’re free to love my fics, to hate them. I will always respect the varying opinions, but please refrain from assuming my reactions to the feedback I receive.
Thirdly, to this reviewer specifically, as well as others who tend to leave me more descriptive responses, reviewing as a “guest” does not exactly allow me the opportunity to converse with you in the first place. I respect your anonymity and you are welcome to review however you are most comfortable, but if you insist on my reply, having an actual way to be answered is rather necessary.
Finally, I simply wanted to take this opportunity to say that I so greatly appreciate anyone who has ever read anything of mine. Your time, support, and feedback are so indescribably valuable to me and I will never overlook how lucky I am to have you reading my work. I have grown so much as a writer over these last few years and it is because of the opportunities fanfiction has given me, it’s because of you. Please never doubt that.
A/N: I could work on Hiraeth… but hey, why not start something else? Because I am a person who loves work…ahahaha This is so so weird somehow? But I still like the idea. I really wanted to write about a first unrequited love. Because shit, I do think that it could affect your further relationships ina way.Please tell me what you think!
Summary: A story in which the Reader takes the burden upon herself and becomes an Animagus in order to protect Remus, unbeknownst to him. He shouldn’t know. And he never will know. Because you were never going to tell him.
Pairing: Remus Lupin x Reader, Sirius Black x Reader
Word Count: 6328
Warnings: unrequited love, a bit blood, minimal swearing
EDIT: Since I got so many asks regarding the second part: Yes. Yes Part two will be written. I don’t know when, so please don’t ask me that.
Ok so I've seen a lot of MM blogs answer this recently and I wanted to know the admins' response is here too... Which MM blogs do you guys like/recommend? Answers may be the same, I'm curious about each respective admin :)
Awh~ Thank you for caring!!
Ahemhemhem… wow, what nice timing anon! Just as I’ve been acquainting myself with a few more mysme blogs XD
My recommendations would be the following!! (I don’t follow many blogs but still!) (I take that back, I wrote this list two weeks ago)
@sinfulinsecret - for your best Jumin Han sin. Sinny’s one of my favourite blogs– WAIT NOT BECAUSE OF THE SIN but because she’s a really fun person to tease!! It’s a one-sided loveBUT I WILL WIN HER OVER SOMEDAY. >^
@mysmekitten - Kitten’s got really cute HCs!! ^o^ She’s very sweet and considerate of her followers. I really like playing around with Kitten hehe~
@saeranoppa - MY SENPAI~ This busy gal can give you heartaches, I recommend her fic, hiraeth!!
@hachig4tsu - The chocolate chip fairy! Hachi runs an art blog~ I’ll make a bet with my followers here and now, she’s gonna become a huge blog one day XD I really feel like she’s going to become really professional and all that potential will be brought out for the world to see~
@serensama - oh Mother, I could never forget to mention you! Mama brings out a lot of heartwrenching angst (and sin, but seriously, check out her angst fics) and has made me really, really sad on multiple occasions.
@tarotealeaf - I love her art AUs so much ahh! And she’s so cute too >///<
@zenscrotch - NSFW. a talented motherfuckah who draws Zen’s dick for us and damn, they’re amazing with their drawings although I could never talk to them directly. ahaha. You think I’m crazy like Nao? I could never possibly approach such a heavenly sin-pai.
@digitalscratch-arting - NSFW AND IS SO SO SO NICE. I only recently started talking to them but duuuuuuude. I don’t wanna share this wonderful artist but T^T (cough be mine pls)
In the end, I’m just a fan like everyone else >o<
Haha… Call me crazy, but I tagged my favorite writing blogs on a particular post the other day (I’ve only talked to one of them and message the other, but still. I wanted to bury myself when I woke up and saw what I did). I’m sorry if that creeped you out. My inner Seven came out to play. That, and… did I mention that I tend to act drunk and reckless when I lack sleep?
I mostly follow art blogs, but there’s also a considerable number of writing blogs that I follow (apart from the ones that Ri does). I was a fan before everything else after all.
HERE ARE OUR INQUISITORS AND OUR SCHOLARS. FINALLY.
1.) of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY KORNY!! Sorry for being so late;;
These are actually just 2/5 of the BD Presents I’ve prepared for ya, but it’s been a month since I last drew digitally and I kinda fell outta practice T^T So hopefully they’ll be finished soon!<3
*ahem* in any case, I hope you had have a wonderful remaining birthday, another wonderful year full of health and happiness and stay awesome! Ily!<3
and 2.) In the first picture you can see you guys’ Lavellans on a Girl’s Night/Modern AU (that oblivious human in the middle is my Inq. Nyasia Trevelyan btw.)! And since you guys joked about your Lavellans’ being sisters, I kinda thought it would be funny if I made them look alike! I hope you like them!<3 And the second picture is our scholars being flowergirls (I associated Rhea with Primroses, Caribdis with Roses, and Natasha with Gladiolus).<3
Also, please ignore my inability to draw hands. I’’m working on it.