i held off for so long

10

Portraits of Halo

15 years ago today (Nov 15, 2001) Halo and the Xbox were released. At first, i didn’t pay the console, or the game, much mind. I had my doubts about Microsoft and this relatively unknown shooter brought over from the computer world, so i figured i’d give the system a pass for the time being. Over the next few months though, i kept hearing good things about Halo. It got rave reviews in the magazines and a few people i knew played it non stop. But still, i held off. Then one night, i stopped by my friends house to hang out for a bit. After a while, he asked if i wanted to play some games and suggested we dive into a few levels of Halo, Co-op.

We played the first 4-5 areas straight through and about 30 minutes in, i was completely hooked. I can’t overstate the amount of joy and fun i had. Headshotting grunts, driving the warthog off cliffs while blasting the horn, and watching groups of Covenant scatter and curse at me in their alien language as i chucked a grenade right in the middle of them, had me smiling from ear to ear. And playing it all with a friend, cooperatively (which was something i had never really done before), brought the experience to a completely new level. The controls were tight, the AI was fantastic and the levels were massive. I couldn’t ask for much more when it came to gameplay.  

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I wanna draw attention to how, like, while we’re hearing a lot of what’s been dubbed “buyer’s remorse” out of people who voted for Trump, it seems the vast majority of those people tend to be in the older age ranges while his base amongst alt-right youth and the “young Republicans” set has held incredibly strong.

Like, where the fuck is your “oh things will get better when the old gen dies off” or “Damn boomers, they’re the ones to blame for all this!”? Tying bigotry and fascist affiliation to generations of the past is just another in a long line of ways people deny the potential for a fascist resurgence in their midst, and now that we are in full swing of just such a resurgence, I want to hear an explanation for why so much of this “enlightened” generation seems just as bad or worse than its forebears.

percussion during a slow piece
  • percussion instructor: *sitting there fuming*
  • snare: "what's that? did I turn the snare off- of course I turned the snare off, why would I forget to d- shIT I left the snare on-"
  • bass drum: I wonder if I held that pause on that rest on for long enough? I don't think the 42 bars of rest really prepared me for that moment so forgive me if I'm mistaken
  • auxiliary percussion: "must. not. touch them until it's time... ten bars to go-- whO BREATHED ON THE WIND CHIMES-"
  • triangle: how am I expected to make a dynamic contrast who do you think am are
  • suspended cymbal: ssssssshhhHHHHHHHINGG oh wait that was supposed to be pp
  • glockenspiel: alright, I've got a pretty good part here, maybe it's the tune, not much else going on s--crap everyone heard me mess up time to die
  • vibraphone: "what's that? did I turn the brakes- of course I turned the brakes on, I'm using the pedal! why would I forget to t- shIT I'm sliding forwards-"
  • drumkit: *rocking backwards and forwards in a corner*
  • timpani: ppp? I think I'll just blow on the drum, don't worry my 73 bars of rest will give me time to take a nice deep breath
Schrödinger's patient.

When I was a new EMT and chatted with my jaded colleagues, only once did I hear the words Schrödinger’s patient, and when I did the conversation ended quickly. I pressed, wanting to know more, but I was firmly instructed to leave off.

I pondered it every now and again. I’d seen most every callout type. From minor fender benders, fraught roadside scenes of dismemberment or deaths on impact, and everything in between. I became jaded too. When you do the same thing, day in and day out, for long enough, even scraping brains off the pavement becomes routine.

So naturally, this call out was just like any other.

I approached the car, just as I was trained. There was a single passenger, a woman who held her hands to her face in shock.

I told her I was here to help. I opened the driver’s side door. She looked at me. I could tell she had been crying, her mascara had run and covered most of her cheeks. As I leaned over to undo the seat belt, she groaned at me. I told her what I was doing and she moaned even louder. I reassured her that other paramedics would be on their way, that she could see someone, that how she was feeling was completely normal when you’ve been in a car crash. But all she did was moan through her fingers that were gripping her face and chin.

I unlatched the seat belt. By that time more paramedics had arrived and brought a stretcher. I told her I was going to lift her out, she didn’t appear to weigh more than eighty pounds, a weight I could easily carry. I slipped my hands under her legs and back. She screamed in pain. I asked to check her neck, that she probably had whiplash, nothing more serious. I had never seen anyone so scared in my life. I said, You need to move your hands, honey. She wouldn’t move them for dear life. I soothed, everything will be okay, I just need to look at your neck, otherwise I can’t put you on the stretcher. She didn’t relent.

I should have asked one of the other paramedics to help. I pulled her hands away from her face. Her head fell and rolled side to side, the skin around her neck the only thing holding it to her body. She had an internal decapitation. I was told she wouldn’t have felt a thing as the nerves that were left were severed. But that is no consolation for me.

My colleagues have told me there was nothing I could do, that she was a Schrödinger’s patient, someone who’s alive and dead at the same time, they look and are alive, but when you interact with them, they die.

When I close my eyes at night, and all I can see is her holding her head in her hands, I wish I had never had to help Schrödinger’s patient.

Auston Matthews #16

Requested by Anon:  Hey!! I love absolutely everything you write!! I was wondering if you could write a Auston Matthews one were he’s sad about his goal drought and the reader comforts him or something like that. ❤️❤️

*Hiii!! OMG This was from such a long time ago! I can’t believe I missed this one. I’m so so sorry and thank you very much. This is very sweet, I guess. I hope you like it! Enjoy. :)*

Word count: 830

Originally posted by mttymrts

The door banging had gotten so normal in your house that when it happened again, a few seconds ago, you didn’t even flinch anymore. The first time Auston banged the door, you almost fell from the couch – it literally sounded like a bomb went off, just imagine the power those massive muscles held. Now, though, you can sleep through the night even if he banged his way down to the living room.

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Kanej first kiss headcanon

One anon requested “Kaz and Inej kiss” and one anon requested “Kanej first kiss/sharing a bed” so i thought I’d combine them in one post since they are pretty much the same thing! I hope thats okay!

And there will probably be crooked kingdom spoilers in here, just a warning for anyone who hasn’t finished it yet!

- it takes a long time for them to kiss
- but thats expected
- when inej leaves on her first voyage to sea, kaz comes to say goodbye
- of course
- but they dont kiss
- they hold hands though
- ever since kaz took his gloves off and held hands with inej the first time, they hold hands a lot
- at this point, when theyre not ready to take it any further, thats enough

- when inej comes back to ketterdam after her first voyage, kaz watches her come off the boat
- he watches her as she throws her arms around jesper and wylan, as jesper kisses her cheek
- he feels a pang of jealously that she can touch them so freely
- but he knows that its pointless, that they’ll get there
- eventually
- she walks over to him after the others have finished greeting her
- “Kaz”
- “Wraith”
- “No, not anymore, just Inej”
- “Okay. Inej.”
- she smiles at him
- he tries not to smile back
- gently Inej takes his hand
- “ive missed you” she says
- “good”
- he wants to kiss her
- but he doesnt
- not yet

- the next time Inej comes back to ketterdam, jesper and wylan are away in novyi zem, visiting jespers dad
- so inej cant stay at their house like she normally does
- kaz says she can stay in the slat
- of course
- inej doesn’t want to
- not because she doesn’t want to be with kaz
- because she does
- but that place holds bad memories
- shes inej ghafa now, shes free
- but back in the barrel, shes still the wraith
- so kaz books her a hotel in the city, the best room he can get without it seeming suspicious
- and because she arrives late at night into the city, he insists on walking her there
- “kaz, i can defend myself, you dont need to act as my bodyguard”
- “i know” is all he says
- he carries on walking with her anyway though
- when they get to her hotel room, its late and its started raining, making kaz’s leg a lot worse
- but he doesn’t complain about it or anything
- inej notices though anyway
- of course 
- she asks for him to stay
- “it will only make your leg worse if you walk back” she says
- “where will I sleep?” he says simply
- “with me” she says, also simply
- she acts like it isn’t a big deal
- but they both know that its a huge deal
- Inej goes into the bathroom to change
- Kaz takes his shoes and coat of and hesitantly lies on top of the covers
- “you can lie under the covers you know” says Inej when she comes back in
- Kaz knows this
- but he stays on top of the covers anyway
- he knows that if he lies under the covers with Inej, the scent, the feel of her body next to his might be too much, and he wont be able to control himself
- and he knows that theyre not ready for anything more than holding hands yet
- “Goodnight Kaz”
- “Goodnight Inej” he whispers once he hears her breathing slow down next to him
- the rest of the nights during her stay, she sleeps alone, it would be impractical for Kaz to stay so far away from the Slat after all
- she’d be lying if she said she didn’t miss him being there though
- later that week, when she goes to the harbour to leave, kaz comes with her
- and just before she gets onto her boat, she turns round and hugs him
- for a moment kaz freezes
- then he slowly wraps his arms around her too
- after she pulls away and her boat is pulling out of the harbour, kaz realizes he is smiling

- its 8 months before they see each other again
- and when Inej does come back, she brings kaz with her
- jesper and wylan too
- ninas already on the ship, shes been sailing with inej for a couple of months now
- together they sail around, as a crew again
- and they are all happy
- one night kaz is stood by the railing, looking out across the waves
- everyone went to bed hours ago, but he cant sleep
- hes got too much on his mind
- and by too much, he mostly means inej
- suddenly he notices a presence beside him, he hadn’t noticed her walk over
- of course
- “hello wraith"
- “i told you not to call me that”
- “i know”
- theyre silent for a while, just looking out at the water
- inej turns to look at him
- “kaz?”
- “yes?” he says, still looking out to sea
- gently she places two fingers on his cheek and turns his face towards her
- “i miss you, when im out at sea” she says
- kaz is silent for a few minutes, not knowing how to reply
- “i miss you too” he says finally
- Inej looks at him intently
- then she leans forward and chastely presses her lips to his
- part of his brain panics at the contact
- but he ignores that
- and leans towards her and kisses her back, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close
- they stay together for the rest of the night, side by side, holding hands and occasionally kissing
- and kaz finally has everything he wants

- (bonus: jesper finds them kissing later and shouts “finally” so loudly that the entire ship wakes up. kaz doesn’t talk to him for a week.)

So this ended up being way longer than I planned and about way more than just them kissing (i also think it all seemed kinda cheesy and cliche… idk…) but never mind! I hope you liked it!

And as always, feel free to add to this if you want to!

Tough Like Dally
request: Imagine where Johnny tells Dally that he wants to get mean and tough like him –and Dal’s reaction? :)

“Johnny! Johnny, man, I’m talking to you.” Dally said as he chased after his friend. Johnny had just been let out of jail after been held over night but had been let off with a warning since he had a clean record.

“Well I ain’t listening, Dall.” Johnny said as he stuffed his hand in his pockets. Dally placed a hand on his shoulder and roughly forced him to stop. The two stared at each other for a moment before Dally pulled out a cigarette for himself. He was silent for a long moment and he looked pissed off. Johnny lit up a cigarette too looking annoyed.

“What so now you’re some tough guy? Some bad ass like me?”

“I wanna be like you. You know tough and hard. Nothing bothers you, man.”

“Hey look, you don’t wanna be like me, Johnny. That’s not a good way to be. I got screwed. You’re one of the good ones.”

“I got screwed too.” He snapped back.

“Yea and somehow you managed to not end up like me. Look I’m a real piece a shit. I know that, Johnny, and that’s how I like it. You are better than that and you are better than me and that’s how it should be. You are tough, man. You’re a good man in a fight and you don’t take crap from anybody. You put up with stuff at home that most people can’t even dream of but you’re still here. You are tough and you are badass. But you are nothing like me and you should never try to be. You don’t know what jail will do to someone like you.” Dally told Johnny firmly. Johnny just looked away from Dally and spoke.

“Hey it wasn’t so bad in there, Dall.”

Dally grabbed Johnny roughly be the front of his jacket. “Don’t say that. Don’t you ever say that. So help me if you ever wind up in that place again I’ll..” He stopped talking and shook his head looking incredibly angry. He kept walking with Johnny following him and smoked another cigarette before he had calmed down enough to speak again.

“Listen close, Johnny, because I will only ever say this one time. But I care about you, man. You’re my best friend.. or whatever.” he said cringing a bit at the words that had previously been foreign to his vocabulary. “I don’t want to see your life turn to shit. So whatever reason that you feel like you need to be tough like me for knock it off. If you have to we can.. talk about.. or whatever. But so help me, kid, if you wind yourself up in jail again.. Just don’t okay? I’m telling you this straight. You do not want to be like me. It ain’t no way to live. Promise me.”

“Alright..” Johnny muttered in defeat kicking the ground and not making eye contact.

“Alright?” Dally asked expectantly.

“I promise, man.”

“Alright..” Dally said looking relieved. “Now let’s go see the others. They’re worried about you, man.”

“Take off your shirt,“ I said, sitting up and pulling at the hem of the garment.
“Why?” he asked, but sat up and obliged. I knelt in front of him, admiring his naked body.
“Because I want to look at you,” I said.

He was beautifully made, with long, graceful bones and flat muscles that flowed smoothly from the curves of chest and shoulder to the slight concavities of belly and thigh. He raised his eyebrows.
“Well then, fair’s fair. Take off yours, then.” He reached out and helped me squirm out of the wrinkled chemise, pushing it down over my hips.

Once it was off, he held me by the waist, studying me with intense interest. I grew almost embarrassed as he looked me over.
“Haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?” I asked.
“Aye, but not one so close.” His face broke into a broad grin. “And not one that’s mine.”

― Diana Gabaldon, Outlander

Dead Poets Society
  • Me: *sobs during the whole thing*
  • Me five minutes after the end: *still crying*
  • Me going to sleep: *falls asleep crying*
  • Me the day after: *Eyes fills with tears whenever I think about it*
  • Me ten years after: *eyes shining, tells you* It's my favourite movie, ever.
It’ll Always Be Me and You

Request: “Credence Fluff!!!! Haven’t seen Credence fics in so long, can you do it based off of “You and I” by Avant please?”

Pairing: Credence Barebone x Reader

Word Count: 2169

Warnings: SO! MUCH! FLUFF!

Originally posted by couplenotes


Oh baby
Funny how things have changed in my life now
Whether near or far I wanna be where you are

Credence held you in his arms as you both lay in your new garden. The lease had been signed and it was final. This old beautiful home surrounded by lush landscape was yours to share. You hummed contently, Credence’s long fingers dragging through your hair. The air was rich with an array of sweet scents, and your knees were still dirty from planting the new Sweet Peas in the garden.

“The Sweet Peas look perfect in that spot!” You had said, huffing with your hands on your hips.

“And you look perfect too, my Sweet Pea.” Credence smiled, giving you a tender kiss.

You smiled to yourself, closing your eyes as you relished the feeling of being so close to him. The giddiness you felt had never died down, even after being with him for nearly two years now. You knew this memory would be one that would stick out in your mind whenever you reminisced about your life.

“Can you believe how far we’ve come?” You asked, looking up at a now slightly tanned Credence. He looked so different to when you’d first met. He was alone and afraid, and it showed. And now, he was loved and cared for, and it showed.

“I can.” He responded, combing a hand through his lengthy locks. They cascaded around his face, and you made a mental note that it would soon be time to trim his hair again. “I can believe it because anything’s possible when I’m with you.”

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The way Carol closed her eyes in that second hug, like she just had to focus on what it felt like to be held by him before she nuzzled right into him is a hundred different levels of perfect. I didn’t expect to get so much confirmation on her end about how much she loves him in this ep but this is just one of multiple moments that prove it. She has been so closed off for so long now, seeing the real Carol again, someone soft and vulnerable, is like remembering what made me fall for these two in the first place. I’d never really forgotten but damn it’s been a long time.

Styles & Co - Part 5


Smut warning

Styles & Co - part 5

I take in a deep breath as I step out of the blacked out car, my hand delicately being taken by the chauffeur. “Ma'am.” He nods, letting go of my hand as he closes the door and I gain balance. “Elise,” I politely inform him, not quite being fond of the fact I am addressed so formally. Especially while standing outside Addilyns engagement party. A party that is currently held at an excessively large house from what I gather. Needless to say whoever House this is— is very well off. “Ms. Elise.” He nods, a short smile forming on his lips,
“Thank you, I’ll need you at around, eleven.” I give him notice, not particularly wanting to stay at the party for too long, especially since my own boyfriend stood me up for our dinner and for this party. “As you wish.” The man confirms with a nod and I carefully walk up the seven, stone steps to the beauteous house, my hand gliding along the white-coloured wooden railing. I smile at the two women at the entrance with bright smiles, holding crystal flutes of champagne, “welcome, champagne?” They offer courteously, handing me a glass before I can even decline,
“Thank you.” I wear a smile, taking the glass in my hand and stepping into the house.

“Elise!” I overhear a familiar and overly excited squeal before I can even grasp my bearings of the house; I turn to my left and see Addilyn dressed in a navy-blue cocktail dress, a diamond necklace complimenting her attire. “Addi! Hi, congratulations.” I give her a hug before handing her the small gift bag that is chaperoning her engagement gift.
“Thank you. Where is Harry?” She cracks a smile, taking the bag and pulling me towards the common area squired by many people, “he’s working.” I quietly announce, “but if anyone asks, he’s feeling ill.” I sigh, Addilyn giving me a sympathetic look.
My eyes scan the capital room, a grandpiano sits in the corner, being played by a young woman dressed in black, the melody echoing dimly in the background of the chatter. The room is flattered by a tall ceiling, a beauteous chandelier glistening radiant warmth as it hangs delicately from the ceiling; filling the room with charm and class. Lengthy red—silken curtains hang from the grand bay windows, standing modestly against the cream walls.
Men are dressed in tux’s and women parade in graceful cocktail dresses of assortments of several colours.

Addi abandons me to mingle and associate with whom I assume are close family and friends’ of both her and her groom. “Your dress is stunning.” My attention gazes away from the bar and narrows down on the lady in front of me. I smile attentively attempting to recall her name. “Thank you.” I clear my throat, deciding to be somewhat impolite and not address her formally. Harry would be dissatisfied if he was here to witness this. She’s dressed gracefully in a drawn-out coal-black dress, a silver-white clutch resting in her hand, matching both her earrings and necklace.
“Where is that handsome man of yours?” She bats her eyes with a small stifled laugh, “surely he didn’t make you come alone.” She beams. If only she knew. Unfortunately, he did in fact make me come alone, handsome he may be, but tonight he’s not punctual.
“He wasn’t feeling too great, so I didn’t drag him.” I fake a giggle, hoping she doesn’t see past my malicious story. My charming boyfriend is presumably sitting in his office, clicking his excessively ornate pen while he comes up with more business plans to augment the size of his empire— completely unacquainted of how displeased I am that he missed dinner and this event.
“Aw, what a shame. Tell him I hope he feels better.” She takes a sip of her champagne, dismissing me as she stylishly walks away and joins a social group in the corner, leaving me in the middle of a crowded room, feeling alone.

A heavy sigh escapes my champagne tasting lips, my back leaning against the wall as I stand and observe the formal party from afar. I gaze at the fifth— possibly sixth, seventh perhaps, champagne flute in my hand, watching the bubbles before allowing the citrusy flavour to roll down my throat. My body is telling me to lay off any sorts of alcohol, but my mind is telling me to waltz to the bar and request a Jack Daniels on the rocks. I contemplate my thoughts, licking my lips as I watch the bartender pouring another one of the several drinks that have been requested. “For someone drinking bubbly champagne, you don’t look too bubbly yourself.” A familiar voice distracts my desire of alcohol, my eyes meeting his brightly and richly green eyes. I roll my eyes at him, “well, my boyfriend stood me up.” I ironically smile, “excuse me.” I clear my throat, downing the last bit of the champagne, handing him the empty flute before striding away, making my way towards the bar. “Redbreast, neat,” I civilly give precise instructions to the bartender, watching as he nods and instantly begins making my drink. “Elise.” Harry’s voice takes my attention away from the bartender. He looks down at me and fetches a sigh.
“Can we talk?” He softly asks as the Redbreast Irish Whiskey is served to me. I take a sip, allowing the whiskey to coat my tongue. I don’t say a word to Harry, instead I walk away, tangling myself into a random conversation with one of the other guests.

I feel an arm delicately wrap around me, a kiss becoming planted to my cheek and I am forced to falsify a smile and enjoy the company of Harry. “Harry, I’m surprised you’re here. Elise told me earlier you were feeling ill.” A lady comments, her eyes sparkling as they meet Harry.
“He’s just full of surprises.” I murmur, taking another drink of my beverage. Deplorably it wasn’t a surprise when he was not mindful of the arrangements with me this evening.
“I’m feeling much better now. Couldn’t leave this one all alone here for too long.” He debonairly beams, engaging in conversation with the lady as I pretend to be interested in the discussion, as well as pretending to love Harry’s arm securely around me.

***

“How much have you had to drink?” Harry interrogates as he waltz over to me and I stand, leaning against the railing of the stairs. I look at him, ultimately taking note of how he is dressed in his black pants, white button down shirt, the sleeves rolled a quarter of the sleeve up, and the top two buttons undone, imperceptibly exposing his skin.
No, I have to stay mad at him— no matter how desiring he looks. “I don’t know, but I’m very dissatisfied with you.” I assert my eyes, doing my best to sound embittered and firm with him.
“I gathered that much. Let’s get you home.” He suggests, beckoning towards the door. I obstinately shake my head. As much as I want to leave and go home, I don’t want him to get a free pass, not tonight.
“No, you missed dinner and forgot about the evening.” I remind him, pushing away from the staircase, my heels causing me to move clumsily. Harry gently grabs me, stifling a chuckle as he steadies me. “Elise—” he begins, but I cut him off,
“No, you don’t get to say sorry and work your charm.” I shake my head, “you probably didn’t even remember the party until I texted you saying you were in the dog house.” I broodily mumble, allowing him to continue to keep an arm around me as we make our way to the door.
“I’m not going to lie, I forgot, the stock market has me busy at this time, especially with investors.” He breathes a sigh, “I’ll make it up to you. I promise.” He assures me, carefully guiding me down the concrete stairs where the chauffeur is standing at the car, waiting.
“You’re in the dog house, you could have at least told me you wouldn’t make dinner, I was waiting like an idiot.” I babble, stepping into the car and sliding along the leather seats. I adjust my dress and place my clutch in my lap, leaning back on the seat, feeling a sense of relaxation. “I am sorry—”
“You’re always sorry.” I cut him off, my vision becoming a little hazy as the last drink sinks into my blood stream. Harry releases a sigh from his lips, growing quiet for the rest of the way home.

I stumble my way out of the car, the chauffeur offering a hand and steadying me, “thank you.” I giggle, finding it amusing how he perhaps thinks he doesn’t get paid enough to deal with ridiculous shenanigans like a tipsy girlfriend of Harry, or overhearing the murmurs of us arguing in the car. “You’re welcome, Ms.Elise.” He nods, Harry gently grasping me,
“I’ve got her from here.” Harry smiles, only making me chuckle further. I pull away from him and cross my arms,
“You’re in the dog house.” I shake my head, stepping into the grass on accident, my heels sinking into the freshly watered lawn, my body crumbling. Oops. “Bloody hell, Elise.” Harry utters, “I’ve got it, I’ll see you in the morning.” He dismisses his driver, swiftly walking towards me as I sit on the moistened lawn, letting out a sigh. He looks down at me, his hands in his pockets as his eyes stare at me. “It’s impolite to stare.” I comment, running my fingers through my hair. Harry doesn’t say a word, he offers me his hand but I refuse to take it. I am not going to give in so easily.
“Fine.” He mutters, walking away and walking towards the house. I attempt to push myself to my feet, my heels digging into the grass, making it a difficult challenge to stay steady. “When you’re done being stubborn, I’ll be inside. The sprinklers come on in five.” Harry calls, stepping up the steps to the house. Damnit. Probably shouldn’t have been so stubborn. But, in my defence I am allowed to be irritated with him every once in a while and not always be the perfect, understanding girlfriend. “Take your heels off, it might help.” Harry’s voice echoes before he disappears inside the house. I take his useful piece of information and delicately take me heels off, making my way towards our house. I step inside, feeling the tepid air radiate my cold and somewhat wet body. I follow the trail of lights in the house, eventually finding myself in the master bedroom up stairs. I drop my heels to the floor, watching as Harry leisurely unbuttons his shirt. He turns to me, a crooked smirk becoming prominent on his face. “You found your way in, I see.” He observes, the shirt sliding down his arms and falling to the floor. My eyes burn into his skin, the few tattoos hidden by the shirt becoming exposed.
You’d never pick him to have tattoos under his shirt— a secret canvas of art. I guess everyone has a darker side. I take a step closer, my hand trailing his soft skin, making it’s way to the rose settled right on his bicep. He doesn’t have very many tattoos drawn onto his flawless skin, but the ones he does he keeps well hidden, unless you’ve seen him shirtless, (which is a marvellous view), you would never know the artwork that lies under the business attire. “So, enchanting.” I mumble, placing my lips to leave delicate kisses on his bare skin, moving to his neck. “Mhm.” He sounds, allowing my kisses to rain over him. I lean up and press my lips to his, colliding us, tangling us within a sweet kiss. He pulls away, gently. “You’re tipsy.” He reminds me of the few too many glasses I managed to drink. “And?” I tilt my head, admiring his physique.
“I know where this is leading.” He whispers, my finger trailing the rose again. The pedals looking so delicate, the shading immaculate, perhaps the only word to remarkably describe the work of art is to use the word unique.
“And?” I simply request, unsure of what the problem is. He’s intriguing, charming, most of all— he’s mine. I want all of him, right now. Before he can proceed to speak, I keep him quiet with my lips, locking them once again with his, the strokes of his tongue being an opiate I have no desire to quit. “No, Elle.” He pulls away, shaking his head, his hands resting on my hips. I look at him, confused as to why he’s currently turning me down. I frown for a moment, watching him lick his lips, imperceptibly. “You’re tipsy, we aren’t having sex.” He adamantly announces, “also, you’re pissed with me, it’s just the alcohol intriguing, my love.” He sighs, graciously stepping away from me. I cross my arms, rolling my eyes at him. “Actually,” I commence, grasping his attention, “it is the fact you’re shirtless and fine as hell.” I remind him, gesturing towards his toned body,
“Whatever it is, no. Get some sleep.” He beckons towards the bed, “first, take your dress off, it’s wet.” He reminds me as I look down and see a few grass particles. Oh well.
“Which is it? I keep clothes on or I take them off?” I smirk, purposely being a smart ass just to hassle him a little bit. He eyes me, holding back his tongue as he bites his lip. “Elise, I am going to bed.” He clears his throat, pulling on a pair of sweatpants, “I suggest you do the same.” He kisses my cheek, promptly getting in the bed, leaving me standing in the middle of the bedroom. I shrug, promptly sliding my dress off and grabbing a long sleeve from the pile of clean clothes I have neglected to put away. I don’t bother with pants, let’s face it, I don’t want to go through the trouble of finding pants, not to mention, sleeping with no pants is better.

I sit focused on the papers on my desk when I’m interrupted by a knock on my door. Confused, as I wasn’t expecting anyone so close to my departure, I stand and open the door. Standing before me is an elevated man, dirty blonde hair and dark brown eyes. He is dressed in a suit which is form fitting, and looks at me with a somewhat cocky and charismatic smirk.
“Ms. Elise?” He questions, unsure of the stranger before him.
I nod yes, “And you are?”
“Logan Meyer,” He offers his hand to me. “May I come in?”
I firmly place my hand in his, giving it a shake before stepping aside to allow him in. I watch as he walks past me, shoving a small paper into his coat pocket.
“I hope you have a moment to discuss some business matters.” He says, looking at me with a stern gaze.
I feel like stuttering as he makes his dominance known, something I do not care for.
“I have time,” I say quickly, assuring him. “Give me a second.” I turn briefly, texting Harry,

———

“Last minute thing at the office, won’t make the dinner reservation, rain cheque? X”

———


I place my phone back onto my desk before turning to face Logan again.
“I need you on my team, Elise.” He leaves nothing to the imagination as he says exactly what he wants, right off the bat. “You are the keystone to this business, and I am positive you will also be the keystone to mine.”
I’m taken aback slightly. Keystone?
“On your team? As what position, may I ask?” I delicately challenge, tilting my head lightly as I await an answer.
He nods, leaning on the arm of the chair beside him. “My personal assistant.”
I internally scoff. Of course he wants a little assistant to tend to him all day— I couldn’t imagine that profession for myself.
“I’m flattered, but-,” I begin, promptly being cut off.
“Let me stop you right there,” He says, holding out a hand, “I know you would rather change your job location to one which pays you in a high amount,” He exposes, fixing a button on his coat jacket. “But Meyer’s enterprise could offer you a much greater cheque than any other company ever could, my dear.” He insists, a cunning grin on his face, his eyes sternly staring into me.
“I am flattered, Mr. Meyers, but I must admit I’m not sure if the role of an assistant is for me.” I answer honestly but I hope he takes this as my disapproval of his offer. “I have no interest in leaving my current job, as of now.” I continue, not wanting to give him false hope.
Me? An assistant? I can barely get Harry lunch when he asks me to help him out and bring him something tasteful.
Logan leans again, this time with less authority as before. I can see him pondering, as his eyes flick from me to his watch repeatedly for a few seconds. I await an answer as he does this.
“I understand,” He nods, taking my answer lightly. “What if we talk numbers? Say, £500,000 a year, with full benefits and paid vacation? We will also pay for a penthouse suite of your choice in the city, and pay for all your amenities when you travel for the company.” Logan’s figures cause me to consider his proposal.
I lean onto my desk, now lightly sitting on it, my hands subtly adjusting the length of my dress, pulling the hem down. I give no answer as I glance towards him, inquisitive as to what enticed him to meet with me in this manner. I lower my eyes, not caving into his offer. Harry taught me not to go with the first offer, play hard— if they want you bad enough they’ll make offers until you’re satisfied.
“Scratch that. Whatever salary you want, you will be granted. No matter the cost - We need you on our team, Elise.” He pushes, tremendously ambitious to win me over, but why, why would he want me so bad as his assistant?
His hand reaches out to my shoulder, lightly gripping it as he gives it a light shake.
“So, what do you think? Are you on board?” Logan smiles, awaiting my answer.
I feel uneasy as the man I have just met places his grasp onto me. His question is immediate, considering we have been speaking for a whole of 10 minutes, and he has already gotten my future planned out for me. I pray for a way out of this, or at least for a fitting answer to completely show my disinterest.
“Mr. Meyer, I am not -,”
I am cut off by my office door opening. Saved by the bell, or in this case, saved by Styles.
I gaze at him and watch as his eyes raise to the man sitting dangerously close to me, his hand still gripping my shoulder. Upon hearing the door, Logan too, turns to gaze at our guest. Once the two lock eyes I can see Harry begin to become ablaze with fury.
Meyer, upon recognizing Harry, drops his hand from my shoulder and stands up. He buttons his suit jacket and he walks over to Harry in long strides, holding out a hand.
“Styles.” Logan salutes, giving him a firm hand shake.
Harry just nods, pressing his lips together as his gaze goes from Logan to me. From behind Logan I motion at Harry, in my best attempt to show my discomfort.
“Logan, may I ask just what the fuck you’re doing here?” Harry mutters. Logan scoffs, “Only trying to get Elise here to join Meyer Enterprise.” He explains, naively. “Have you two met?” Logan maliciously grins, his smirk seeming to embitter Harry further.
I’m at a loss for words as Logan looks at me for a response, I immediately look over to Harry, expecting him to answer.
“We have, actually, she’s lovely ain’t she?” Harry asks, gaining a nod from Logan before he glances back at me. “Which is exactly why I made her my girlfriend.” Harry speaks in a raspy tone, showing his absolute dominion over another CEO.
This is such a turn on.
“Now listen, Meyer, I would get your ass out of this office -,” He looks down at him with an unwavering gaze. “And I would do it promptly, before I buy your company from right under you and leave you on the side of the road. Are we at an understanding?” Harry threats, his voice deep and firm.
Logan smirks, shaking his head at the ground before looking back at Harry.
“And you have the means to do that?” Logan cross-examines, appearing to get a thrilling sentiment out of aggravating Harry, almost purposely prompting Harry to follow through with his threat.
“Don’t underestimate my power, Logan.” Harry responds, pointing a finger at him.
Logan smiles with a sneering smile again, pushing Harry to his absolute edge. Harry will not lose his composure here, not in front of someone inferior.
“You got it, ‘Boss.’” Logan replies with a swindling sneer.
Harry opens the door wider, stepping aside and motioning Logan to leave. He stands there for a moment, leaning towards his exit but still looking at me.
“Consider it, Elise.” Logan says to me, offering a wink before walking off. “Have a good one, Mr. Styles.” He nods at Harry, before ultimately walking off.
Harry shuts the door behind him, running his fingers through his hair as he comes over to me, placing his hand on my thigh.
“Fucking wanker.” He shakes his head, talking about Logan.
I let out a light sigh, smiling gently at Harry. He leans down to kiss me, before saying,
“I could give you far more, than he ever could.”

Oh, darling… I know you can give me far more, and not just money wise…

I give Harry a reassuring smile, placing a kiss to his lips, “so much power and authority in one room.” I chuckle, gently resting my hands on Harry’s broad shoulders. He nods his head, leaning down to rest his forehead against mine, “mhm, you’re not working for that twat. You’re mine.” He whispers, sending shivers down my back, his breath hitting my neck, “you owe me, you blew me off for that jackass.” Harry mumbles, leaning down and placing tender kisses on my lips, purposely teasing me, his hand leisurely gliding further up my thigh over my black dress. If I had of known earlier that Logan would bring out a somewhat envious, overly protective, and touchy Harry, I would have initiated the meeting sooner. “Take me home.” I instruct, forcing myself to pull away from his indulgent lips, they’re so enthralling and tasteful. Harry looks at me, his eyes grey and full of desire, his lips form into a smirk, his tongue licking his lips as he gently pushes his hand further up my thigh, hitching my breath in my throat. “Styles, home.” I clear my throat and he gently pulls his hand away, taking a step back. I composedly collect the files on my desk, forcing them in my drawer and locking it, a fire burning inside me that is eager to get us home, an acute surge of desire filling my soul. “Elise, c'mon darlin’” Harry gestures towards the door as I grab my bag, throwing my phone into it. I turn back around, bumping into Harry, his tall figure shadowing me. He wastes no time in kissing me, his hand resting in the crook of my neck, making me weak at my knees. “Harry,” I pull away, once again composing myself, controlling myself. “We need to go.” I clear my throat, taking his hand with mine, pulling him out of my office. Harry chuckles as I struggle to lock my office door, my hand shaking, my mind wondering to other places. “Baby, relax.” He whispers, his hand reaching over and taking the key, locking the door for me. “Here.” He smiles, placing the key in my hand, “told you I can offer you more than Logan ever can.” His breath whispers down my neck, alluring me further. I bite my lip as I turn away from the door, gently guiding him towards the elevator.

Everyone has already left the building, just a few offices are still illuminated, the receptionist is the only one in the hall. She gives me a small smile, her eyes beaming towards Harry. I give her a small nod, my polite way of saying goodbye before we are at the elevator. We step inside, soundlessly. I take the quiet moment to ponder about Logan’s advances, an assistant doesn’t in the general run of things earn £500,000 a year, that’s an immoderate amount to offer. The most I have ever heard of an assistant profiting is £125,000 and of course that is from a high profile businessman. “Harry, how much do you pay Anastasia?” I mildly interrogate, curious as to how well he pays his assistant. I only assume he pays her moderately, she basically is at his beckon call and his last assistant— who I did not care for, if I may add, was paid approximately £85,000, yearly.
“As of right now she is expected to earn £92,500 a year, so roughly £46 an hour.” Harry responds, right off the bat knowing exact figures for his assistant. There’s quite a difference between £92,500 and £500,000. I’m quite baffled as to why Logan is determined to pull me into his enterprise, surely he can lure any assistant he desires— someone who authentically wants to be a personal assistant. “Does she get benefits?” I ask Harry, Harry puts his phone in his pocket and ganders at me just as the elevator doors open,
“Darlin’ are you wanting to be an assistant? I’ll gladly hire you as my personal assistant, with extra benefits.” He winks, my hand impishly slapping his arm before we step out of the elevator. “No, I’m just asking.” I shake my head, my heels echoing against the glazed tiles in the entrance hall of my boss’ building.
“I could use with a little extra help in the business.” He mockingly nudges me, his hand gently grabbing my hand. I chuckle quietly, shaking my head at his merriment.
“No, Harry. I was just curious.” I respond, his hand pushing the door open, allowing me to step out first,
“Good, I don’t want you being my assistant, you’d distract me too much, especially in that dress.” Harry’s hand intertwines with mine again as we step down the steps. The ice-cold air immediately whistling around our bodies, reminding me of the wintery month of December.
“I don’t want to be your assistant, I heard you’re a contemptible and obnoxious person for a boss.” I fool around, my eyes noticing the limousine in front of me.
“What?” Harry halts, letting go of my hand, “really?” He furrows his eyes brows, awaiting an answer, taking my response all too seriously. I shake my head, “darling, I was kidding.” I assure him, taking a step closer to him and kissing his tender lips, “just a joke, I promise.” I press, watching as he lets out a sigh of relief. He presses a kiss to my lips before the door to the limousine is opened, Harry’s driver standing courteously, holding the door for us. I smile at the driver, “Ms— I mean, Elise.” He nods, correcting himself, I give him another smile, I’m satisfied with this chauffeur much more than Harry’s latest one, his latest one had no sense of humour, always had grim expression on his face and always said my name in an unusual tone.
“Thank you.” I graciously nod, sliding into the limo just as the man salutes Harry in a proper and formal manner. “Mr.Styles.” I shamelessly comment as the door closes behind Harry. Harry rolls his eyes, attempting to hide the smirk becoming slowly painted across his lips. “Elise, are you being cheekily bodacious?” Harry raises a brow, his hand gently resting on my thigh while I lean back against the leather seats.
Me? Cheeky?
Well, Styles should know by now that I have my moments where I’m not so innocent and angelic. I have my darker side, a side that enjoys teasing, mimicking, and seducing Harry into my corner.
“Depends, Mr.Styles.” I whisper, sharing an artful look with him, my gleaming eyes baiting him, he licks his lips, his eyes staring into mine.
“Elise, this conversation is leading to inappropriate behaviour in a limousine.” He whispers, squeezing my thigh delicately as if to intentionally meddle with me. Styles thinks he can tease me in a Limo and get away with it, wait until we get to the house. “Inappropriate behaviour? Mr.Styles, I would never.” I shake my head, holding back my own chuckles as he rolls his eyes at my cheerfulness.
“Call me Mr.Styles one more time and I'll—” he begins, but before he can finish, I cut him off mid sentence,
“You’ll what?” I engage in playful teasing, “I’m very curious as to what you’ll do, Mr.Styles.” I tilt my head, challenging him immediately. He bites his lip, staying quiet for a moment, his eyes burning into me. He doesn’t do well with provocation, especially with me. He’s a dominant figure, of course you have to be when you’re a CEO. He leans down, “Ms.Elise, it is not wise to tease me.” He whispers against my ear, moving his hand a little further up my thigh, gently gliding the hem of my dress a little further up. “I’m a man of many means, I do not work well with temptation and teasing.” He proceeds to add, his voice low and hoarse, sending shivers down my body. I bite my lip, debating whether to continue the teasing game or to wait until arriving home to have him all to myself.
Can I resist his touch and inclination? And if so, for how long can I work my magic in this limousine?
“I do not work well with orders and dominance.” I murmur, gently moving and placing soft kisses to his neck, sucking lightly to get a point across. “Elise, you don’t want to play this game with me right now.” He chuckles, my lips leaving his skin and I settle my hand to rest on his chest, moving my kisses to his jawline, his hand moving further up my thigh until he’s high enough to rub his thumb on the inside of my thigh to coax me, still making sure the hem of the dress covers me appropriately— just in case we are interrupted by some odd chance. “Elle,” he whispers, my lips brushing against his, teasingly. I lean down to kiss him, but I stop, the small circles being drawn on my thigh weakening me. Damnit. “I warned you.” He chuckles cockily, intriguing me further.
Darling, you haven’t won.
I crash my lips into his, pulling him into my dangerous kiss, my hand leisurely gliding down his chest, making it’s way to where he’s vulnerable. “Elise, that’s dangerous grounds.” He whispers against my lips, beginning to be aware of my scheme. I lean back and look into his eyes, “oops.” I smirk, watching as he bites his lips, his hand calmly moving away from my thigh. “C'mon, mutual ground until we’re home.” He clears his throat, placing a few mild kisses to my lips. I shake my head, biting down gently on his lip, initiating a more vigorous, seducing kiss. I pull away, licking my lips with a swindling grin, a wink escaping my lustful eyes. He runs his fingers over his plump lips, his other hand resting back down on my thigh while I readjust my position, sitting back normally against the leather seats.

The limo comes to a halt and the door opens, Harry wastes no time in climbing out. He offers his hand as I slide closer to the door, taking it and stepping out gracefully. Harry courteously dismisses his driver, reaching into his coat pocket and handing him a sum of money. I smile at the driver before Harry whisks me towards the house, his hand gripping mine, greedily awaiting to get me into our house. I hurry up the precious stone steps, a giggle escaping my lips as I feel the fire burning between us. I step into the chilly house, my heels sounding against the marble white tiles of the foyer, “Elise.” Harry’s voice travels after me, with a smirk I turn on my heel to face him. I allow him to come closer, holding back my brazen hands that are aspiring to appreciate every inch of his magnificent body. Every single inch. He wastes no time as he presses his lips against my neck, a breath exhaling my lips as I indulge in his tender kisses, his hand boldly playing with the zip on the side of my dress. I gently press my hands to his chest, gliding them up as he bites down on my neck, my hands squeezing his shoulders, “no,” I mumble, not wanting to have visible love bites on my neck, he respects my wishes and proceeds to place tender kisses on the column of my neck, unhurriedly moving to taste my lips. I gently pull away from the kiss, stepping away from him deliberately. He frowns for a moment, his eyes analysing me. He tilts his head taking in a breath, “I’m tired.” I fuck around with, waltzing to the stairs at a slow pace, glancing over my shoulder as he crosses his arms over his chest, staring at me from across the foyer. “Oh really?” He challenges, refusing to move from his stance. I give him an innocent nod, beginning to climb the stairs. “Darling, you need some help? You’re striding the stairs extremely slowly.” His voice low and husky. I stop, gazing over at him, I think for a moment, my hand pressing against the railing, observing as he awaits an answer. “I think I can manage.” I respond with a little smile,
“Mhm, I think you forgot something down here.” He looks down for a moment, gesturing to the first floor.
“And what is that, Mr.Styles?” I curiously ask, watching as he bites his bottom lip, controlling himself. “Would you mind bringing to me what I forgot?” I tilt my head to the side, my hand still pressed against the railing of the stairs. Harry nods, proceeding to stride to the staircase, climbing the stairs leisurely. He comes to me taking my hand in his. “Just so you know, I haven’t forgotten the teasing in the car.” He says in a low voice, placing a kiss to my cheek before disconnecting himself from my hand, walking past me and climbing the rest of the stairs. I follow him, stepping into our master bedroom, finding him gradually taking his suit jacket off; gliding it down his arms effortlessly, allowing it to fall to the floor while his eyes burn into me. I lean against the doorframe, crossing my arms as I take notice of his cunning smirk, that smirk that can drive me from 0-10 in an instant. His hands move to his top button, beginning to fiddle with it, exposing part of his chest. “Don’t touch another button.” I instruct, unable to watch him lazily unbutton his shirt. No, those buttons are for my hands; not his.
“Baby, I’m tired.” He shrugs, stepping closer to me, his fingers undoing another button. I lower my eyes on him, releasing myself to him, my hands instantly taking ahold of his shirt. A chuckle escapes his lips as I use my fingers to undo another button for him, “hm, that easy to make you cave?” He asks,
“Harry—” I begin, but stop. He mildly presses me against the wall, appeasing me with a deep kiss, bewitching me, my fingers ripping his shirt, not bothering to continue with the damn buttons. My hands feel his exposed skin, straightaway running themselves up his body, pushing the shirt over his shoulders. He assists and allows the shirt to fall to the floor, tactfully pulling me away from the wall. The bold caress of his tongue pulls us closer, intriguing me further. An Aching tension between us building rapidly.
With an evocative stroll to the bed, I am placed down on the king bed, having just a moment to take a breath as Harry’s delicious lips part from mine. “It’s so fun to tease you.” The narcotic power of his voice and smouldering eyes enough to put me into over drive. “Don’t tease!” I exclaim, his hands running up my body, his left hand fondling the zip of my desk, his lips leaning down and pressing kisses to my neck as the zip sounds, loosening the dress. He leaves the dress on me, his hand running down to my hip before reaching the bare skin of my thigh, coaxing me as slowly runs his hand up my outer thigh, “Harry.” I breathe, “take it off.” I instruct, feeling a smirk form on his lips as he releases one last kiss to my neck,
“Oh, you want the dress off?” He teases in a husky voice, I take in a deep breath, his hand moving to the inside of my thigh, “Harry!” I firmly announce, unable to control the need I have. He chuckles and does as I wish, stripping me of my dress, throwing it to the cold floor, leaving me in nothing but my skimpy, lacy, red lingerie. “Mm, my favourite.” He eyes my body up and down. His greedy mouth takes possession of my skin, kissing the slender column of my neck before moving to my chest, making his way down to my stomach, sucking gently, while my fingers run though his silky curls, gently tugging for his bold mouth to take possession of my lips. He moves back to my lips, his hands running up and down my body as my agile hands work with his pants. I wrap my arms around his neck, his fingers trailing at my abdomen, working their way to tease the lining of my underwear, slipping in and out of the material, tampering with my sanity. “Tease me one more fucking time and I swear—” I groan, being cut off by his kiss; A long, liquid kiss that rushes lust through me. His hand slips under the lacy underwear, “so demanding.” He gravelly utters into me, his tongue skimming across my trembling lips. My legs tighten around his body as his finger circles in me, indulging me in unchaining wild, delicious pleasure. I lean my head back in please, taking In a breath as my hand is pressed to the back of his neck, my thighs quivering as he continues to pleasure me sliding in another finger.
He grasps my knees and eases them apart, enlightening me that he’s about to thrust into me and I’m going to feel the onslaught of raw physical desire. His hard thighs crowning my hips, my fingers tangled in his silken curls while it becomes a frenzied race to fulfilment. His body surged into mine brings on a brutal strength of his passion filling me with great pleasure, the building of a griping sensation settling in with every thrust. My Eyes narrow to half mast, a tangy taste and male scent radiating the scenes, the longing desire throbbing inside me. With rapid shallow breaths, I feel molten waves of pleasure. My head twists dizzily as the climax comes at me in drugging waves.
Soft coziness of passion’s aftermath hits me as Harry falls beside me and all that’s heard between us is heavy breathing. Dizziness continues to overcome me, my legs still quivering from passions aftermath while I try recover from the intensity of the passion.
My head spins, the aftermath being something I wasn’t fully ready for. I sit up, forcing myself to my shaky legs too quickly, stumbling as I quickly press my hands to the bed, “you ‘lright, Elle?” Harry questions, watching me as he stays lying down tangled between the sheets, “I’m dizzy as fuck.” I murmur, realising my body needed a little more time to recover. Whatever he did, he did it quite well.
“Elle, come back to bed.” He gestures, sitting up slowly as I straighten my posture and remove my hands from the bed. “I just need a cold drink, and maybe some clothes.” I flash him a small smile. With a heavy sigh he gets off the bed, pulling on a pair of sweatpants while I shakily reach down for one of his t-shirts that I have neglected to put away properly. I press my hands back to the bed, debating whether my dizziness will wear off quicker if I just lie down. “I prefer you without clothes,” he cheekily comments, making his way over to me, his arm wrapping around me protectively, “mhm, What are you doing?” I softly ask, leaning up to press a kiss to his lips,
“Taking you to get a drink.” He responds. “No protests.” He adds firmly, CEO Harry making himself known, stopping me from further commenting.

I sit on the kitchen counter with a cold glass of water, my head no longer spinning so much from pleasure and desire, “you ruined after sex leg tangles and sloppy kisses.” Harry brings to my attention as he presses his body to my knees, his hands resting on the side of my thighs while I take another sip of the cold water. “I’m sorry, I needed something cold.” I sigh, giving him a small pout to show my own distaste for ruining sloppy after sex kisses, tangled within the sheets with our bodies pressed together. “I’ll forgive you, I guess.” He presses a small kiss to my cheek, “after all, it was me that made you dizzy.” He whispers with amusement,
“Mhm, don’t get too confident.” I roll my eyes at his cheeky comment. He’s right, he is the reason for the dizzy sensation, but I’m not going to admit that he finally managed to hit me in all the right spots. “Don’t deny the fact that it was bloody great.” He proceeds, quite pleased with himself,
“Shut up.” I gently swat his arm, a giggle escaping my lips, “I’m not boosting your ego!” I press, shaking my head at his charming grin,
“Whatever.” He rolls his eyes, “you feelin’ alright?” He lowers his eyes on me, becoming serious as he asks the question. I give him an assuring nod,
“I’m fine, Harry.” I respond, looking down at my quivering thighs that still haven’t calmed themselves down.
“You sure?” He questions adorably, a side of him that sometimes gets lost within his business world.
“I promise, darling. C'mon, lets go to bed.” I offer, pressing my hands to his shoulders and he gently lifts me off the counter, placing me to the floor,
“Round two?” He chuckles,
“I don’t think so. I’m out.” I shake my head, knowing I am not up for round two, I’m barely up for kissing his delicious lips, I’m exhausted to say the least.
“I was joking.” Harry insists, “c'mere. You look like a baby deer that just found its legs.” Harry laughs, gently pulling me to him before picking me up, “you’re so sweet.” I roll my eyes before resting my head against his chest,
“Quivering baby deer.” He presses, teasing me about my legs,
“Keep being mean and you’ll never get sex again.” I mutter, gently pinching his arm as he carries me up the stairs,
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” He murmurs with sarcasm to his voice, knowing very well and good that he is more than likely going to get a lot more action, we’re young, we’re in love and quite honestly I hate going a week without even cuddling him in bed and feeling his arms around me; I don’t think I’d last denying the two of us great pleasure.

youtube

Here’s the question I received on the website:
“One topic I’d love for you to discuss on your channel someday is recovering from an emotionally abusive, emotionally unavailable, or generally ‘mean’ mother. How do we heal from the hurt of not having a 'good-enough’ mother? As adults, how do we fulfill that longing to be held and hugged and, most importantly, feel fully accepted, understood, and comforted?”

So, how do we heal from an emotionally absent mother? When we don’t have an emotionally available mom it means that we never had a safe foundation or that we could push off from. What I mean by that is that we never felt we could safely and easily go out into the world to try new things because we didn’t know if support would be there when we got back. This can cause us to feel unsure about ourselves and hinder our development.

It can also cause us to struggle in relationships and with wellness. Since no one demonstrated expression of emotions or told us it was okay, we can become very uncomfortable with them, and even seeing them in others can be too much for us. We can also prefer to be isolated because having someone close to us doesn’t feel “normal” or comfortable to us.

Now that we can somewhat understand what our symptoms may be, how do we heal from it? The first step in healing is to start giving a voice to that child self that never had one. This is often called inner child work, and something that I have my clients do is to write a letter from that child self to their adult self. It sounds strange at first, but it can be so very healing.

Self-soothing is another thing we will need to work on, because no one ever soothed us as a child or told us it was going to be okay. In order to heal from that we need to learn how to soothe ourselves and being the re-mothering process. In Jasmine Lee Cori’s book she offers up some “good mother messages” that you probably didn’t hear and encourages you to figure out which ones you need to hear most and learn how to say them to yourself. This could be done through a letter from your adult self to that child self, or simply by practicing self-care.

Lastly, build up your supports. In order to do all of this hard work we are going to need to have people around us to help us get through it. In addition to having a treatment team (therapist, psychiatrist, etc) it’s also very important to have supportive friends too. That way they can check in on you every so often and you can vent to them about this as needed.

I know there is so much more to talk about when it comes to this topic, so let me know in the comments if you want more videos like this!!

xox - Kati

the most emotional moment for me during dear evan hansen

i just want to share this because i feel like when i saw dear evan hansen, i related so clearly to the whole show and to the characters, but there was one moment when i just broke down in tears and it hit so close to home for me that i wanted to share and this is basically going to be one long run-on sentence so here we go: so, before you will be found starts and evan is saying his speech, he’s reading off of note cards of the time him and connor went to the apple orchard and he starts to get nervous and his hands start to sweat and he lost place of his note cards and dropped them to the floor and ben platt just sat on the ground and looked at the audience and i swear, you could have heard a pin drop. the room was so silent as everyone held in their breath and ben just sat and cried and held his notecards and didn’t move. this hit home for me so much because earlier this year, i ran for the student council of my high school’s executive board and won(i am now secretary of my freshman class). being a freshman, no one knew each other (since i go to a private high school, we all came from different middle schools). i ran because i love leadership and public speaking and was class president at my old school (although, i overthink and overworry and literally freak out over every little thing, i still love getting involved even though it can be hard for me) i got up in front of 350 teenagers who i barely knew and gave a speech and not even 20 seconds in, my voice gave out and my deep voice suddenly turned squeaky and i made the weirdest sound possible. i soon played it off by making a joke and having the whole room laugh with me, but shortly after, i went into the bathroom and cried and texted my mom about how i screwed up and how i didn’t want to show my face at school again. the next day, i got word that i had won secretary and the relief was enormous. i remember how alone i felt and how isolated i felt and how dumb i felt as i sat in a high school bathroom, my eyes filled to the brim with tears. seeing ben (as evan), drop to the ground and cry as he messed up his speech sealed the deal for me with deh. i am very anxious and stressed all the time and constantly nervous over little things and i broke down in that moment at deh because i had never felt so understood by a show before. this was just a little incident that i wanted to share and just reason 172738 why i will love dear evan hansen for forever.

Phoenix - Avengers X Reader(F)

Ugh this took forever to get out. I don’t even know why.. I had fun writing this one though, I hope you like it! Feel free to send me any feed back, I would appreciate it!!

NOTES/WARNINGS: Mentions killing people and  getting shot. Implies the loss of a parent.

Originally posted by blackinjustice

Boxing day. The day that made Friday suck. You hadn’t been with the Avengers long, which was why they were training with you non-stop. Every day of the week held a different form of training. Monday; flight patterns with Vision and Wanda. Tuesday; Guns and other weapons with Clint and Natasha (That day wasn’t so bad.) Wednesday; Hand to hand combat with Bucky. Thursday; Technology and computer hacking with Tony. And on the off chance that Thor was on earth; battle tactics. None of those days were as tough as training with Steve.

 The war vet pushed you to your max, making you do “one more set” at least five times in a row. Today was no different. You could feel your knuckles bruising even with the wrap Steve had covered your fist with. The Avengers Facility Boxing gym was nothing short of impressive. Decked out in red, white and blue, it was perfect for everything Steve wanted it for. Punching bags, a fighting ring and even a weights area filled the patriotic room.

 “Again!” Steve shouted at you from behind his hands.  You exhaled and rammed your glove-covered fist into the flat, blue glove that he wore. He swung a padded hand your way and you dodged the swing, hitting him in the side as you ducked.

 “Good!” He encouraged. “Now, again. Harder.”

 You swung again and again, hitting your small target until your lungs threatened to give out on you and even then, you kept going. Finally, he called it a day and ruffled your hair with a simple, “Nice work, kid.” and sent you to the showers.

 After getting dressed you headed over get your bag so you could leave. That’s when you noticed it wasn’t where you left it. You fumbled through your gym bag, pulling tee shirts and athletic tape out of the way. You huffed with anxiety. It was here when you started. Your eyes quickly darted around the dark bag hoping to catch a glimpse of a glimmer.

 “You okay?” Steve asked from behind you. Being the gentleman he was, he usually walked out with you and when you didn’t show up at the door he went looking for you.

 You didn’t even look back at him. “I’ve lost my necklace.” Your words rushed out of your mouth.

 “You mean this one?”

 You whipped yourself around to see Steve dangling the short chain in front of you. You snatched it out of his fingers by the small charm that hung from the thin silver links.

 “Where was it?” You examined the pendant and chain, making sure no harm had come to it.

 “Right, here,” He pointed to the ground under the bench. “On the floor.”

 “Thank you.” You finally looked up at him.

 “Sure,” He shrugged. “What makes that so important?” He asked while he helped you gather your things and shove them back in your duffle.

 “It was my mothers.” You said meekly. You weren’t ashamed that it was hers, but you were afraid that being sentimental would be seen as a weakness.

 Steve nodded and gave you a tight smile. “It’s nice. It suits you.”

 You looked down at the thin circle pendant. Inside the rope border was a raised silver phoenix. Your mother had the same abilities as you, pyrokinesis. Her flame had been small and only engulfed her hands and forearms. Nothing like you. When you lit up, your entire torso was covered in your bright orange and yellow flame. You had been given the nickname Zippo from Hawkeye. You resented it in the begining, and may or may not have set some of his things on fire as retaliation, but now that everyone called you by that name you let it grow on you.

 “Yeah, it suited her, too.” You smiled and clasped the chain around your neck. You ran your fingers over the pendant before you adjusted the strap to your bag on your shoulder.

 

    ————————–—————-

 

 The bombs that exploded around the quinjet didn’t shake you, it was just another mission against Hydra. You pressed your headphones tighter to your ears and stared at the two bulbs above the back bay door. Both were dark, not yet lit. You bounced on your toes to the heavy dance beat, your eyes never leaving them. You waited with Bruce in the quinjet, the rest of the team taking point on this mission. You were young enough that they all agreed that you wouldn’t go out into the field unless they absolutely needed you. You didn’t have any say in the matter at the time but as you would soon find out, they almost always needed you.

 The red light flashed on and a twisted grin spread across your face. You ripped the headphones off your head and slammed your palm on the button that lowered the bay door.

 “Sorry, Doc.” You smiled at Bruce who sat and tried to be happy for you. “Looks like its my turn.” You flicked your wrists and a familiar warmth started in your hands and quickly ran up your arms and spread across your torso, finally engulfing your face and hair.  

 “Be careful.” He warned but you were already running out the door and towards your team.

 “Where do you want me?” You yelled into the com in your ear.

 “North wall.” You heard Tony instruct. “Lite ‘em up, Zip.”

 Your lip twitched up in a sickly sweet half smile. “I need to hear you say it.” You huffed as your feet began to lift from the ground, your flames projecting you faster through the trees.

 Tony sighed. “Come on, you aren’t over that yet.”

 “I’ll be over it when you let me burn that stupid contract you made me sign.” Your world was a beautiful orange tint from the flames that covered your face. You could see flashes of your team through the trees. The shine of Steve’s shield, the red haze from the Scarlet Witch and even a streak of Tony’s iron suit.

 “Just say it, Tony!” Falcon added, the stress in his voice apparent.

 “Fine! We need you, Zippo.”

 “At your service Mr. Stark.” You beamed as you flew past him, almost knocking him out of the sky.

 You spotted the cluster of Hydra agents who were huddled behind a man with a grenade launcher.

 “Aww hiding behind the big guy. It’s no fun unless we all play.” You smirked and flew straight into the group, sending the Hydra thugs in every direction. Tony and Steve took out a few before they even hit the ground. Wanda and Natasha took out the rest.

 “Woo! That’s what I’m talking about, Zip!” Falcon cheers.

 You laughed and cheered with him, pumping your fist in the air. “Who’s next?” You shouted.

 “On your six, Zip!” Clint warned. One of his arrows flew past your head and impaled itself into the chest of a Hydra soldier. You followed Clints gaze and circled back to take out another soldier who was pointing a rifle at you.

 “Pull back, (Y/N)!” Tony shouted as he flew towards you.

 “I can handle this one!” You spoke quickly, trying to dodge the bullets that were flying at you.

 “No, you’re not invincible, Zip. Pull back!” Steve agreed with Tony and ran at the soldier who’s attention was on you.

 “Stop babying me!” You shouted. You were only a few meters away, now. You pulled your arm back to send a ball of fire his way but before you could a sharp pain exploded in your shoulder and side. You screamed and plummeted towards the ground.

 Tony flew in fast and kicked the soldier into a tree so hard that there was no way he would survive the impact. He watched in horror as your eyes closed and your flames were snuffed out by the wind that rushed up beneath you. Steve ran as fast as he could and caught you, keeping your head from hitting the damp ground.

      ——————————-

 Sounds were muffled. You could hear beeping and humming. There were voices, different voices. You kept your eyes closed and tried to separate the sounds.

 “She should have listened.”

 “We’ve been training her non-stop, what is she supposed to do?”

 “She had orders.”

 “Come on, guys. She’s going to be fine. We’ve all taken hits before and we all bounce back.”

 You opened your eyes and blinked until the world was no longer blurry. Sam stood with his arms crossed across his chest, beside your bed. Steve leaned against the arm of a chair and held the bridge of his nose. Tony paced the room with his eyes glued to a tablet.

 “I’ve watched this video a thousand times. She flies directly into his line of fire. We did not teach her that.” Tony snaps at Sam.

 “No, but we did teach her to take the enemy by surprise.” Sam defended you.

 “We also invited her to be on this team,” Clint spoke up. You hadn’t noticed him standing in the doorway. “That alone puts her in harms way. If you are so worried about her getting hurt you should send her home.”

 “She’s not going to go home,” Steve added. “She’s a fighter.”

 “She can speak for herself.” You finally joined the conversation. Everyone shifted their weight and turned to you.

 “Hey, Zip, how ya doin?” Clint grinned.

 “I’m ready for round two.” You smirked. You winced when you tried to sit up in the bed you were in.

 “Hold up,” Sam gently pushed you back down. “Your down for the count, for now.”

 “Nah, I’ll be healed up by tonight.” You smiled.

 “That may be so but you still need to rest.” Sam smiled. Of every one here, he seemed to be the most supportive of you regardless of age or experience.

 “I told you to pull back.” Tony said sternly. He stood away from the bed and his eye brows were pulled down in disapproval.

 “I know, and before you flip out, you were right and I was wrong.” You admitted , shamefully

 “Yeah, I know that.” He snapped.

 You sighed. He was in full ‘Dad-mode’, now. “I’m sorry.” You stopped smiling with the look he gave you.

 “You’re dangerously close to being permanently benched.” He threatened.

 You frowned and looked down at your fingers. “I get it, Mr. Stark.” You said to the blanket across your legs.

 Without another word he left the room.

 “He’s so mad.” You mumbled.

 “He’ll get over it.” Sam chuckled.

 “But seriously,” Cap stepped up to the side of the bed. “You need to follow orders. Sometimes we can see things that you can’t. You’ve got to trust us.”

 “I do, I just thought he was being overprotective.” You confessed.

 “For good reason.” Steve smiled as he poked your shoulder. You hissed at the pain but knew you deserved it. You touched your neck absent-mindedly but felt a surge of panic when your necklace was gone. You were confused when you looked up at Steve. At least, you were until you noticed the small velvet box that he held out to you.

 You opened it to see your phoenix had been cleaned and polished.

 “Bruce said it was in the way when he pulled the bullet out of your shoulder so I took it off and had it cleaned. It was a little bloody and I thought it deserved better.” Steve explained.

 “Thank you.” You grinned. “This means a lot to me.”

 Sam smirked and Steve squeezed your hand.

 “All right, let’s let her rest, she’s got work to do tomorrow.” Sam grinned and prompted Steve to leave.

 “Tomorrow, but I’ve been shot, twice!” You tried to escape your training. “And hey, tomorrow is Sunday. I don’t train on Sunday.”

 “You disobeyed direct orders from Iron Man.” Sam laughed. “He’s gonna make you pay.”

 You groaned and melted into your mattress. “Who’s training me?” You whined.

 Sam laughed from the doorway and you could even see Steve trying to stifle a grin. “Natasha,” Sam answered. “And she’s even more mad than Tony.”

ree-fireparrot  asked:

One of your tags said you were divided on the headcanon/interpretation that P Serenity was taken directly from the Galaxy Cauldron. Is that just not how you might interpret that line at the end of Stars the theory comes from or are you just not sure how you feel about it? Or a combination of both? Do you or followers have alternate interpretations/analyses for Guardian Cosmos' line (as it is rather ambiguous)? How about related headcanons?

A little of both, really. I think it’s a really fascinating theory, but I’m just not fully convinced by it.

Since it is so ambiguous, I checked no less than three different translations of this scene just to be sure I wasn’t missing anything. I don’t have my Kodansha print in front of me, so perhaps I’ll amend this post with that one later.

Mixx:

Miss Dream:

Alex Glover:

Long ago, there were shining stars that came here like you, as perfect star forms. In my breast I held the cast-off shell of a small star. That star, too, carried strong brilliance like yours, Sailor Moon.

I think we can definitely confirm this from all three translations: Queen Serenity once visited the Galaxy Cauldron. She carried a small star’s “shell.” Either Queen Serenity or that shell (both are called a star, so it’s unclear which is referred to in the last line) resembled Sailor Moon.

So the theory goes that Queen Serenity created her daughter from the Galaxy Cauldron. This is a neat idea, because it explains why there is no mention of Princess Serenity’s father, and there’s a sort of mythical element to it that suits Queen Serenity being so goddess-like.

But I have so many questions. What was this “shell” of a star that Serenity was carrying? This empty husk? Could it have been the ginzuishou? Perhaps it needed a star seed to form around before its power could be realized? Or perhaps even… a baby? Living somehow without its starseed?

But let’s talk about the bottom half of the page, which I think muddies the waters further. I’ll skip the Mixx translation, because they also skipped the line I want to talk about (and it’s so bad, it’s barely worth mentioning anyway).

Miss Dream:

Alex Glover:

Saying it would come here to me, that life was lost to this Cauldron’s sea of origin. Saying you want to create a new history of the stars? I wonder if that means you want to leave here in those star forms?

What I’m getting from this is that Queen Serenity told Guardian Cosmos she would return to her. And when she died, her star seed returned to the Cauldron–unlike Usagi’s, which presumably did not return because she was reborn.

And I have more questions now. Why would Queen Serenity specify that she would return to the Cauldron? Wouldn’t it just be assumed that that would happen when she died? If the Cauldron is the source of all life and where all life returns, then it’s the final destination for everybody. Right?

Unless she knew she was going to die. Unless the immortal queen of the moon was never meant to return to the Cauldron. Maybe Queen Serenity was there to exchange her immortality for something else. Maybe that is indeed how her daughter was created, or maybe it was to ensure her daughter’s ability to be reborn. Perhaps the reason Princess Serenity and the others were reborn in the future wasn’t because of a last-minute wish on the ginzuishou, but because Queen Serenity traded her own immortality to ensure it long before.

I know.  I’m a dick.

So on the way out of downtown from my fabulous and long-delayed massage (OMG - I cannot go four years again), this guy in a big-ass late model Suburban (seriously, they’re bigger than some studio apartments), was tailgating me on a city street where the speed limit is 30.  The street has two southbound lanes so he could get around me, but tailgating usually pisses me off and it did again today so I held right at 32 mpg.  He finally showed me who’s boss and shot around me making sure I knew I was a complete loser.  I just thought jeez, I hope that guys gets pulled over.  Jerk wad.  But that never happens and I didn’t think about it again.  Well, until about 3 miles later and waaaay in the distance I see police car lights.  It took awhile to get to the police cruiser, and lo and behold, it was that guy!  Does it make me a bad person to have looked over at him when I passed and make sure he saw me laugh?  Never mind.  I don’t care.  It was such a sweet moment.

3

Imagine being a vampire and being captured by Amanda Waller and getting drafted into Task Force X.

~

“ PUT ME DOWN! I’LL CUT YOU! I’LL CUT YOU THIS WAY AND THAT! YOU’LL LOOK LIKE WAFFLE WHEN I’M DONE WITH YOU DAMMIT! ” I shouted as Rick held me off the ground by my arms.

“ Lookit this one! Short and fiery! ” a dirty Australian man said with a small sneer.

“ I’ll cut you too! As soon as I get down! ” I said from my dangling height.

He chuckled and I just wriggled more.

“ I don’t like being manhandled. ” I grumbled as Rick plopped me back on the ground.

“ So what’re you good at? Long sullen teen-like silences? Rude comments followed by more sullen silences? ” said Rick.

I pounced on the dirty Aussie and bared my fangs and hissed as he fell to the ground under me.

Just as I was about to bite him I heard Amanda’s voice.

“ Now, now, Allegra. I told you you’d get to feed after the mission. ”

I growled and kneeled into the Aussie’s stomach as I stood up.

I crossed my arms and refused to help him up.

“ Feed? What are you on about? ” Aussie asked.

“ She’s a vampire, Harkness. So it’d be easier to defeat Enchantress one supernatural to another. Allegra here is older than all of you combined. ” Amanda said.

I turned around and stuck my tongue out at Aussie and smiled.