i have too many emotions

OH LORD I JUST REALIZED

GO!CROWLEY AND SPN!CROWLEY BEING THE SAME OR NOT DOESN’T EVEN MATTER

WHY YOU ASK?

WELL EITHER WAY IT’S PAINFUL AS FUCK

THE FORMER FOR REASONS I HAVE MENTIONED BEFORE
THE LATTER BECAUSE IT MEANS CROWLEY AND AZI STILL HANG OUT

AND THEY COULD’VE BEEN HANGING OUT WHEN THE ANGELS STARTED FALLING

WHICH MEANS AZIRAPHALE WOULD’VE FALLEN RIGHT BESIDE CROWLEY AND CROWLEY COULD DO FUCK ALL TO HELP HIS ANGEL

BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH AZI WAS ON EARTH, HE STILL WOULD FEEL THE *SNAP* OF BEING DISCONNECTED AND HE WOULD BURN WITHOUT ACTUALLY BURNING.

HIS WINGS WOULD SHOOT OUT INSTINCTIVELY AND YEAH THEY WOULDN’T BE DAMAGED FROM A FALL THROUGH THE ATMOSPHERE BUT THEY STILL GET TORN UP FROM THRASHING ABOUT AND CROWLEY HAS TO GET OFF THE COUCH SO DAMAGE TO BOTH PARTIES IS MINIMIZED

AND THE WORSE PART (AT LEAST FOR CROWLEY) IS AZIRAPHALE’S SCREAMING, THAT PAINED SCREECHING THAT LIES JUST OUTSIDE A HUMAN’S RANGE OF HEARING AND SHATTERS GLASS AND MAKES CROWLEY WILLING TO MAKE A DEAL WITH ANYONE WHO WILL LISTEN

AND THEN AZIRAPHALE WOULD SUDDENLY GO LIMP AND QUIET

THERE WOULD BE DEAD SILENCE FOR TEN MINUTES BEFORE AZIRAPHALE STARTED SOBBING AND CROWLEY WOULD CLIMB BACK ON THE COUCH AND CUDDLE HIS ANGEL AND BE TORN BETWEEN CURSING GOD AND THE INEFFABLE PLAN AND PRAYING TO THE BASTARD TO MAKE EVERYTHING ALRIGHT

Sometimes, Stiles lays awake at night and replays parts of his life over. Like maybe if he just takes an eraser to them that he can fix them, that he can somehow change the complicated equation that their lives had become and turn it into something manageable, something that wasn’t so wrought with death and loss.

And how hey let’s go look for a dead body was really an excuse for I’m going to get Scott out alone in the woods and I’m going to kiss him. But he’d chickened out, walked along until they found the actual dead body, and his life had just been downhill from there.

Or about how that during that first moon, Stiles had slept with his back against the wall and tears in his eyes, begging the universe to make it stop, to stop making Scott hurt. That he’d do anything, give up anything if Scott would just make it through the night.

Standing with his toes edging the pool of gasoline, tears drying as fast as they could fall as he watched Scott give up on himself. Stiles said the words that were needed, not the words that were wanted. He wanted to tell Scott that he was more than a brother, that he was someone Stiles loved absolutely, and that there just was not life without him.

Clutching Scott close outside of the MRI chamber, whispering I love you into the seams of his shirt and knowing the words would be taken at face value when they were anything but. Thinking to himself that his mom at least got to spend those last months in love with his dad, and he was going to go down the same road without Scott ever loving him back.

Outside of Eichen House, when he’d come even after Stiles did everything possible to keep him away. Steadfast, loyal to a fault. Instead of those three little words, he begs Scott to contain what’s happening, to kill him or trap him or never let him out. Because it was better than the alternative. Because death was better than hurting Scott.

Feeling that sword sink in, hearing every last anguished breath as he t w i s t e d it. Reveling in Scott finally hurting at his hands as much as he hurt at those beautiful, oblivious hands. Stiles will never forgive himself for that, no matter how many times they blame the fox beneath his skin. Because Stiles was the one that wanted it.

It’s three in the morning and Stiles’ whole life has only added up to a series of fuck ups and mistakes. All the times he should have told Scott McCall that he loved him, and all the times he fell short.

Thank you for 80 followers!!


((SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS ARE SO WONDERFUL ;A;!! I can’t believe this happened ;__; Yes, this time I decided on giving you guys a different type of follower picture,less grimdark c: Mainly because I haven’t been giving you beautiful people enough attention ;A;  So here I included all the  brilliant people who’ve I’ve had the pleasure talking with! ;U; Thank you so so much again! I really can’t describe how happy I am! ;U;))