i have to keep reminding myself that this is real

Sometimes I still get these urges to contact you.
It feels like pure desperation…  Like my skin is crawling and my eyes are burning and I just want you back in my life so badly….
And I don’t know why? Where these sudden urges come from?
Why do I still do this, even after all this time?!
It’s like I'm getting out, I'm almost clear…. and then suddenly I feel like I would do absolutely anything just to have you back in my life again.
Even for a single moment…. Just to see you, talk to you - ANYTHING!
It’s like I don’t WANT to be out, I still want to be in love with you because in my mind, loving you equates to happiness and I just want that back… just for one second.
But I have to remind myself it’s not healthy. 
Loving you is not like it used to be - it's not real anymore.
It’s not happy, it’s not positive…. and it’s gone and I can’t go back.
All I can do is put the phone down, blink back the tears … and keep moving forward.
—  Ranata Suzuki

anonymous asked:

For your AU post! I LOVE secretly married Aus, so how about one of those? I'm thinking IronPanther, maybe? Or IronFalcon! One of those (first one would be preferred, but both are great!), they've known each other much longer than in canon (obviously) and for some reason their relationship get's made public/ the other avengers find out?

Oh man do I enjoy Secretly Married AUs!! The drama, anon. The drama. Also fluff. Please fluff because unhappy endings break my heart. Anyways, I like both pairings, so I’m just gonna go with IronPanther. Btw this turned into a Post CW ficlet that focuses mostly on Tony and T’Challa, I hope that’s alright!


It happens on their fifteen year anniversary because of course it does. The universe refuses to grant them a single moment of peaceful happiness after all. Looking back Tony really doesn’t know how he didn’t see this coming.

And it’s so unfair because the last six months have been hard on the both of them. The last two years, to be honest. With the whole Civil War mess, T’Chaka’s death, the fighting and betrayal–well, Tony wishes he could say he was able to keep those events from affecting his marriage, but that would be nothing more than wishful thinking. The first time they had been fighting side by side and T’Challa had been in too much pain, too blinded by his desire for revenge for him to enjoy the moment, never mind that he’d been fighting against half his team. Then there was the matter of Siberia, of his husband taking Rogers and Barnes with him and leaving Tony behind and-

There’s a hand on his shoulder, warm and grounding, the pleasantly familiar sound of T’Challa’s voice, talking to him, slowly drowning out the ugly thoughts in Tony’s head.

He takes a shaky breath, blinks, meets his husband’s worried gaze. “Sorry,” he thinks he mumbles, and wishes the trembling would stop already.

It hasn’t been a good day. Not after someone–the Dora Milaje are already looking into it–leaked those pictures of them to the international press. Tony wants to laugh, but it ends up coming out as more of a hysterical sob.

Fifteen years. They’ve managed to keep their marriage a secret for fifteen years. Sure, they have been times they both wished the hiding would stop, but there had never quite been the right moment to announce it, and now? After everything? They were still trying to do damage control with the fall-out from the Accords, Tony honestly isn’t sure whether there could have been much of a worse moment for this to be revealed.

Forget the UN and Ross for a moment, how would Rogers and his little band of followers take the news? Their presence in Wakanda couldn’t become known,  at this stage it might lead to an actual war against the country and-

“Hush, my heart,” T’Challa’s voice rings strong and clear in Tony’s ears, and he allows himself to sink back into his husband’s arms, until his head is resting against T’Challa’s chest, listening to the rhythmic heartbeat.

“What are we gonna do?” Tony whispers, hopeless and worried and so, so, tired.

“We will figure something out,” T’Challa replies without hesitation, cards his hand through Tony’s hair. “Our marriage is not something I have ever been ashamed of, beloved, nor should we be. It is a bond of joy and love, that should be honoured. Ultimately there is nothing anyone can do. We have broken no laws, nor do we owe the world an explanation. And I will be glad to walk proudly by your side, instead of watching you across yet another hall.“

Almost against his will, Tony can feel himself relaxing, soaking up the utter calmness T’Challa exudes, the easy confidence soothing his frayed nerves. Rationally he knows they have faced much, much worse, knows that even though things aren’t gonna be easy, this particular issue will eventually be solved–but T’Challa makes him believe it, without hesitation or doubt.

“Love you,” he says into the high-quality shirt he’s burrowed his face in–it’s so soft too, Tony approves of his husband’s taste–because he can’t think of anything else to say. Most people would describe Tony as ‘incapable of shutting up’ but when it comes to his personal relationships, he has never been the most articulate.

The arms around him tighten, and he can hear T’Challa’s smile in his responding, “I love you too, my heart.”

“Be at ease for now, we will deal with this issue later. And get you to a hair dresser as soon as possible,” he adds after a moment, teasingly pulls on a strand of Tony’s admittedly rather unruly hair. 

A cut hasn’t been on his mind for months, and he can’t help laughing–at T’Challa’s antics, the situation, everything. He doesn’t need to look up to know that this has been T’Challa’s intention from the start, simply squeezes his hand in silent appreciation.

They’ve got this. They really do.

[The confrontation with the rogue Avengers is as ugly as T’Challa has expected it to be. The only positive side of this is that Tony isn’t anywhere near to hear the commotion, T’Challa might have been forced to kill someone otherwise. As it is, there isn’t much to be said about it, in the end. His marriage isn’t a recent thing, it doesn’t change the actual situation. Not that you’d believe as much, if you listen to Clint Barton’s poisonous rant. At least Captain Rogers’ indignant rant is silenced with a sharp reminder that trust only reaches as far as it is extended.

“Your mind is your own, but any insult against my husband is an insult against myself. I suggest you keep that in mind!” has been the only warning T’Challa is willing to grant them. His patience isn’t limitless and certain guests have been testing those limits for some time now.]

a-chaosofbeauty  asked:

Is there any information on Azazel's backstory, how he became a fallen angel? I would enjoy seeing an episode focusing on his past, maybe show us some moments when he was an angel. Do you think they will add some Azazel flashbacks in this season?

afaik, in bahamut universe, he fell for a human’s daughter, and that he only realized what he felt for her was love after she was killed. I’m not sure if this will ever make it into the anime, but oh boy do I wish for it. If a certain kid really is Michael’s kid, then this would sure provide a contrast to Azazel’s backstory. Like, they both were angels, they both loved daughters of men, but while Azazel got punished for it and became a fallen, Michael got to keep his Archangel status. Or maybe that was exactly the reason: Azazel was not high-ranking enough to make such offense and get away with it like Michael.

I’d love to see an ep focusing on azazel! :D and esp his time as an angel bcs angels tend to wear revealing clothes so the possibility is high his angel clothes were just as revealing *__*

but tbh I still can’t believe Azazel got so much screentime so far in this season that every time I see any of the eps I have to remind myself this is real life and not only my imagination bcs wow how are we so blessed ヽ(;▽;)ノ I mean during genesis when he appeared for more than a minute I was already praising the staff to high heaven but then in virgin soul not only we got to see him being pretty and actually acknowledged for being pretty but we also got to see him being embarrassing and making stupid faces while also being unexpectedly kind (albeit grudgingly) and looking cool at the same time and counting the screentime he might as well be this season’s protag like omg is this really real??? /SCREAMS

I’m also so thankful for all the layers the staff gave Azazel bcs I feel every time I rewatch I keep discovering things I hadn’t notice before. Like in the scene above, he showed discontent when Rita accused him of things that *he* felt was untrue re:the cause of nina running away. I used to think being an ancient demon and all, he would be used to ppl accusing him of things therefore he would just ignore them and pretend it didn’t matter or something - much like the way he handled Dante and those demons at the end of ep4. But here to Rita he visibly showed genuine reaction - which suggests to me that the opinion of ppl he cared about did matter, and that he couldn’t stand being misunderstood.

I also keep going back to the way he said “and then you met me.” There’s a certain melancholy note to it, esp if you knew the reason for his fall. He might as well be saying ‘you should’ve been better off never meeting me,’ like meeting him at all was actually a bad luck for her. I feel this is actually a throw back to his past and how he thought the girl he fell for would have never got killed if she never met him.

Weak- Cassian Andor (Part Two)

Pairing: Cassian Andor/OC

Warnings: SMUT FOR DAYS

A/N: This literally took me hours, lol. I’m not even ashamed, I just hope it turned out aright since I’m not normally a smut writer. Also– ft. alternate ending for Rogue One but fair warning, it’s still mildly depressing. It’s not fluff, it’s not angst…it’s like…flangst. I’m also a huge hopeless, romantic sap. Okay I’m done waffling now. #fixitfic2k17

Tags

@libsybum @princeofsassgard


Cassian’s grip was tight around my shoulders as we watched the world around us fade away. Fear clutched my heart in a cold, iron grip, making it feel as if my blood had turned to ice. The three of us exchanged worried looks, Cass slung in-between Jyn and I, too weak to stand on his own. Hopelessness began to replace the triumph I had felt only moments before, until I heard the sweet sound of a ship engine. I craned my neck and heard a relieved laugh escape Jyn as a rebel fighter ship lowered itself onto the beach and hovered over the sand. Inside, several rebel fighters were watching frantically at us and I knew we had maybe seconds before Scarif was gone.

Cassian grunted in pain as I helped him climb into the ship, two other pairs of hands reaching from inside to pull him him. Jyn and I followed, hopping in just as the pilot began to pull away from the beach. My entire body ached with exhaustion, but it was nothing compared to the state of my heart as I looked around the ship and saw no other familiar face. I tugged on the sleeve of the nearest rebel fighter. He leaned toward me, turning his head to hear my voice over the road of the engines.

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If every decision we make or don’t make leads to a parallel universe, it satisfies me to know that there are a few where I haven’t met you and haven’t forgotten how a whole heart beats.

Theory of multiverse comforts me because it means I have made every possible decision and am living a life of every possible alternative in front of me.

There’s a universe where I am happy and there’s another one where I am dead.

How scientific is my understanding or even the existence of multiverse, I don’t know or care about.

See that’s where being a writer comes into play, I can use all the material out there and it doesn’t even have to be real.

Am I real?
It’s been a while since I’ve ceased to feel so.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that I am more than the words I type.
That I can move and run and jump and kiss.
That I can keep aside my book and step outside my room to interact with people rather than the voices in my head.

I don’t feel motivated enough to do so now. I don’t feel strong enough to live a ‘real’ life right now.

But it’s okay, because in another universe, I already am.

my goal when i first wanted to publish poetry was to personalize each book. i wanted to draw in them, hand write notes, press flowers, add more to them. but i didn’t know how to do that with Become, and Soft Human was something separate from what i want to do with my work. that book was more a collection of reminders and confessions. i would not call any of it poetry. but now i am working on poetry. real poetry. and i am being patient with this process. i want to write more than i want to publish. i want it to be a small collection, too. i keep writing the same poems over and over and trying to rework them and i have never really done that before. it has been years since i’ve written poems that exceed a page. now they’re reaching 3, 4. they aren’t for anybody but myself. and they’re love poems. i’m trying to commit to love poems. but i want to order maybe 20 books at a time and personalize each one of them and just have those available. and when they sell, i will order 20 more and personalize those. i never really wanted my poetry to be mass produced and always the same. that’s why i like when other people draw and write in my books when they buy them. but i think i’m going to do it myself this time around. i think it’ll be a lot more intimate for people. i feel like i lost myself and lost sight of my little dreams the past couple years when it came to writing and putting my work out there. i can feel myself coming back to myself in this way. 

Every time I see any clip or shot of cars 3 that has some kind of deep relation or parallel to the first one I just feel so lucky to be getting a sequel like this to the film that is literally my childhood. Like if my childhood self could see all this she’d probably lose her mind, fuck I’m losing my mind cos I’m pretty much still an 8 year old when it comes to these movies and I keep having to remind myself that cars 3 is in fact real and happening

I keep finding pieces of you in me - pieces I held on to so tightly, that they sunk into my skin and became a part of my soul. And I still catch myself doing the smallest things just to remind myself that you were real. I can’t even look at the sky without thinking of your eyes, and at night the stars remind me of the way you used to make me feel. You’re here, but you’re not, and my heart is torn trying to hold on to everything we used to have. I didn’t want to let you go. I guess I never did.
—  I think I’ll miss you forever // inevitable
2

🍋12/100 days of productivity🍋
(03/04/17) so some more mind maps I made in class today and preparation for a German writing I have tomorrow 😢 German is my least favourite subject and I’m extremely nervous.. but I keep reminding myself its almost over💆🏽
🌼April study challenge day 3: the time I most remember studying paying off is doing my history module last year when I worked my butt off and got my C in the mock exam up to an A* in the real one!! That was the best feeling ever🌼

Call out post.

A call out post for @unpopular-ship-queen and @fallingforkonoha

Which fandom called out a character for wanting to molest an unconscious person? Sasusaku. Which fandom called out a character for their actions making the receptor uncomfortable in a world where we preach enthusiastic consent? Sasusaku. No one talks about ‘hyper sexuality’ lol idk where you got that from. ‘coping mechanism’?? For what?? Lmao the reach is so far idk if you pulled that shit out from your anus or Uranus. No one majority says ‘slut’ or ‘STIs’ beyond 2012. People call her out for her problematic behavior, which is confirmed by Kishimoto himself. People who come for your fandom come at you because you have a problematic fav. We whine about the short end of the stick we get from SP, we ship SS for what is is in canon stop. Some people dislike the seventh hokage and the scarlet spring, and it’s not for the reasons you think. People don’t find posts as much as they search a keyword, because no, not everyone Is familiar with the tagging system, find a post that annoys them and end up bitching. Wow, dude. People on the internet bitching? Yeah, and grass is green, the earth revolves around the sun and the mitochondria is the fuckin power house of the cell. What else is new? I’ll tell you what does come off incredibly immature though, being so pressed about it.

(Oh, and don’t you fucking dare *censor the word retarded like it is a fucking bad word or a slur. That is disgusting. My uncle has downs syndrome and he is mentally retarded. There. How the fuck is that offensive? Is living with illness a slur? Would you say cancer is a fucking cuss word? No, you would not. Mental Illness is not a cuss word. Fuck right off with that shit, when you did not even censor rape)

Moving on, this is complete bullshit. Now, hah idk about you but way back in the ninth grade I was taught this thing called a quota sample, random sample and a focus group. Basically, the 2.5 people who started shit with you can’t represent the fandom of statistically the largest ship in the Naruto fandom. I understand you are part of a minority race, I think you understand generalization pretty well. I am half Arab and a convert Muslim, so I do too. I encountered positivity when I spoke about my cultural background, however, I also had someone call me a terrorist in the naruto fandom. I don’t blame it on the entire fandom, I blame it on ignorance. I also had people tell me to kill myself bc I love sakura on youtube and I laugh because it’s stupid and half witted. Misgendering is ugly, but my friend whom you just insulted identifies as a they. My female born friend, identifies as a he and ships sasusaku. Keep blaming the fandom for real world issues, and you come off a major imbecile, and solve nothing. This reminds me of that joke on the SJW gag episode of the Simpsons making fun of people who think they defeated real world issues with a reaction gif. We have our feminists, we have our queer people, our transgender people and different cultures. We had an entire time of celebrating culture with fans from different countries voice acting sakuras confession and posting it, and it was beautiful. Stop coming off a child and victimizing yourself as if the majority bullies you when I, and most probably everyone in the ss tag  never heard of you, maybe then people will take you more seriously.

That is not to say your anger at people being dip shits is not valid, but generalizing points to a lack of general sense.

Sas Nahn

I talk a lot about the part in TWoK that affected me so strongly that on my first read I threw the book across the room and didn’t touch it for a few days - I mean, I talk about that it happened that way. I was sideswiped. I threw the book. I let it lie there for a while. I don’t talk about That Chapter.

So, now I’m rereading the book, and got to Sas Nahn this morning. It’s been years and several rereads. I try not to look at it when I’m not doing a full reread, because of how it affects me.

But today, I was steeled for it.

And I finished the chapter. (More after the cut.)

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NEW CHAPTER

This is going to be my last entry about college. Please allow me to be sentimental with the ups and downs that I’ve been through in those four years. 

I’m so grateful that despite the challenges, I still manage to graduate on time. It’s not easy to have additional subjects every semester and always being left behind from your batchmates. I keep on reminding myself that I need to focus on my goal while juggling extra-curricular opportunities. 

The hardships I experienced in college is not solely about academics but rather real life challenges. I love how college made me wise and strong. Ang saya na makita na nag-iimprove yung sarili mo sa pag-handle ng problema. (Minsan nga hindi mo na pinoproblema kasi sanay ka na hahaha) 

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Re: Requests & Prompts

Hello everyone!

I noticed a recent influx of requests and prompts in my inbox, and I am eternally grateful to all my followers for their continued love and support.

However, as much as I love drawing, I have to remind myself that I need to restrain my inherent nature of drawing requests left and right. I have a full time job, my own fancomic project that I want to keep on schedule (especially for my patrons), and a lovingly patient husband that deserves to have my attention from time to time.

My art commissions are almost always open. However, bear in mind that I often have to put these after my job and my fancomic.

For more information you can check out my commission price sheet:

FAQ: http://khrysm.tumblr.com/tagged/faq

anonymous asked:

The fact that they fans are trying to get a billboard up is really fucking sad. It should not be on the fans to promote Louis and his music. A lot of us have decided to be positive, but it's clear very few in this fandom have confidence that he will be promoted right. I'll actually be shocked, but at this point all we can do is wait in see and give the benefit of the doubt. I just keep reminding myself that promo hasn't started(neither has industry buzz but I digress).

Yeah, when I got that ask, my first thought was “NO!” but then I thought about how lame the promo probably was going to be and thought “eh, maybe?” and then I was trying to work out if it was even legal (thus the @lawyerlarrie rec).

But yeah, once his promo starts for real, we’ll see what they do and then we can add to it if we find a good, legal way to do so. But jumping in ahead of them isn’t a good idea.

Just a reminder:

Writing is hard work and you’ll be rejected…MANY TIMES. Always keep in mind that you wrote a novel. You created something from nothing. I know it’s hard not to feel like a real or accomplished writer unless you have an agent or get published by a BIG publishing company, but you ARE a writer. It might take a long time to reach your goals, but you’ll get there if you keep pushing yourself.

Please enjoy writing and take some time out to give yourself a pat on the back. I’m often very hard on myself and I figured most of you have experienced the same thing. Write because you love writing.

anonymous asked:

Hewwo.. Sorry for bothering you.. I wanted to ask what you do when you miss your daddy.. Mine came to visit for a week (it was our first time meeting in real life) and he had to leave to go see hia family. Befire returning to his military base.. I really really miss him.. How can i keep myself from panicking and or missing him as bad as i do..

Chu need to think of the fun chu had together and the fun you’ll both has when you see eachother again and have things around you that make you happy and remind chu of him~
But it can’t be avoided to miss him daddy lives 10 minutes away from him and I can’t see him a lot and I still struggle chu just need to make the most of when they with you!

Trying to remind myself that my feelings and symptoms are valid just because I feel and experience them. That they are real. But my head keeps telling me this is bs and they are not. I’m just inventing it all and I’ve no right to be or feel this way.

I need to keep myself in check, not slip back into doubt, denial, confusion and the unfulfillable craving for certainty and definites. Just because I no longer have my therapists validation, somewhere I can share and for my feelings and experience to be seen and accepted, doesn’t mean it’s not real, doesn’t exist, is all in my head etc.

You Got It

Summary: You’re the new character chosen for The Vampire Diaries

Pairings: Ian x Reader

Warnings: swearing, light smut

Word Count: 2890

Ian is single on this one. My bby. 

Companion story: Me, You Dick *wink* *wink*

(gifs not mine, credits to owners)

Comic Con had just ended and here you were hanging out with your best friend, Paul Wesley, and his co-stars, Ian, Nina, Kat, Candice, Zach, Steven, Matt, Michael, and the other Michael, before they head back to Georgia to shoot and you were about to go to New York for a photo shoot. You were all having a nice dinner near the hotel you all stayed at. “So apparently, we’re having a new character on the show.” Paul said. “That’s awesome.” You replied. “And Julie and Kevin’s looking for a girl who has (y/e/c) and (y/h/c).” He trailed.

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Candy Land pt 6- Sunset in the Gumdrop Mountains

Originally posted by princessofsabriel

Pairing: GabrielxReader
Word count: 630
Warnings: Cute Gabe?
A/N: I know this is far shorter then the other chapters, but I needed some Gabriel fluff in here somewhere. XD

Part 6 of Candy Land


The three of you joked and had a good time while walking through Gumdrop Mountains. When the sun began to set, the fun ended. Gabriel brought Sam back to Dean, and the twins went….well, you had no idea. While he was off doing that, you looked around for somewhere to hole up for the night. You’d found a tree with a sizable hole in it, but not big enough for the both of you. Leaning against the tree, you waited for him to return. Being alone made it seem like the sun was setting faster than most days.

You jumped slightly as Gabe reappeared next to you. Once you realized it was him, you smiled. “Dean pleased with you now?” You teased.

Gabe smirked. “Happy as a clam.” He moved over to you, wrapping his arms around your waist. “We need to get some shelter.”

Keep reading

Behind The Scenes 2 (6.6/16)

Author’s note: I am currently in the process of writing BTS 3. While doing so (and while I was writing BTS 2), I triggered myself a few times and brought up some really bad stuff for myself. I just want to remind you all that my story is dark and some parts may get really intense. My goal while I have been writing this is to make my series as real as possible. I absolutely love all the BTS members and the way I write them in this series does NOT reflect my feelings and opinions towards them. I know my series is going to have dark and intense parts and I am going to put warnings whenever necessary. I really hope you all still keep up with and enjoy my series.

*Different POVs are in italics.

Sorry about the long note and sorry for any errors in this post.

Genre: More so friendship fluff (Suga and Jhope)

Word count: 2476

Summary: you use your free time to talk to your only friends. 

Other parts: HERE

This is my GIF. I made it based off of this scenario series.


The first thing you did when you got to the dorm was go to Suga’s room. You just straight up busted in to his room. “Y/n?” Suga stopped pacing around and immediately went up to you. “Y/n! How did it go? What happened?”

You didn’t say anything, you just wrapped your arms around him. He did the same. “Why are you covered in food?” his arm touched a wet patch on your back and he noticed a pieces of popcorn in your hair. “Don’t tell me Jungkook did this!”

You shook your head and pressed your head into his chest. You felt like you wanted to cry, but you couldn’t get the tears to come out. You stayed nuzzled on to his hug for a while before he suggested that you two take a seat on the bed. Without letting go of you, he moved the two of you to the bed.

He tried to lighten the mood a bit. “So… Are you going to tell grandpa Suga what’s wrong?”

You wanted to laugh, you honestly did, but you stayed quiet. You only nodded again.

Suga kept his arm around your shoulder. “Just tell me when you’re ready.” He said softly.

“… The whole thing made me feel so… uuuuggggggg! I hate pretending with Jungkook. He’s such a fucking aaaahhhhh! You get me?”

“Yeah… I get you…”

“I don’t think I can keep this up, not after how this went.”

“Why?”

“Well, to state the obvious, Jungkook is disgusting. And secondly, they all hate me.”

“Who hates you?”

“ARMY. There were so many people going up to Jungkook and they kept staring at me like I was gross pile of shit. After the movie there was a whole fucking mob of them. One started telling me shit and then others started doing the same and they started throwing stuff at me and then at Jungkook too! Then some fans were yelling at Jungkook and some other ones were trying to come to his defense. Then the fans started fighting each other! I don’t want to do this anymore! I didn’t mean to start anything! Now they are all going to hate me even more! What if they start hating you guys too?”

“I’m sorry that happened y/n… But it’s not your fault.” He said softly.

You gripped onto his other arm. “Yes, it is! If I didn’t have to do it, they wouldn’t have fought like that!”

Suga held onto your hand. “No, it’s not your fault. Namjoon forced you two to go on that date. Those fans were just being mean and got themselves in to that situation. It’s not your fault.”

“Why is he making me do this Yoongi? Why?”

“I don’t know…”

You both stayed quiet for a bit.

“Just don’t think about it anymore okay? It’s all just nothing, Okay?” he said.

“Okay.”

“No, you need to prove it.” He said playfully. He lifted your face so that you were looking up at him.

“Why?” you whined.

“I just wanna make sure you’re over it. Smile to prove it.”

You gave him a sad attempt at a smile.

“C’mon a real one!”

“I can’t.” you pouted. You took your face out of his hand and rested your head on his shoulder.

“Ok… wait… I know something that’ll cheer you up…”

You looked up at him questionably.

“I’ll be back in a second.” He stepped off the bed and walked out of the room.

“Where is he going?” you asked yourself.

About a minute later you heard a set of footsteps getting closer to the door. Suga popped his head into the room. “Okay! I brought your favorite!” he said pulling Jhope into the room.

“Awww y/n what’s wrong?” Jhope became concerned when he saw how upset you looked. He quickly ran over to you and scooped you into a big hug. Suga stayed standing in front of the two of you.

You hugged Jhope back and told him how the “date” went.

“Awww y/n don’t listen to them. They were just being mean. They were jealous that you were with Jungkook. They were probably jealous that you were so pretty too. That’s probably why they tried to destroy your outfit.” He said taking a closer look at your clothes.

“Bullshit! You should have seen the way they were staring at me Hobi. You should have heard what they were yelling at me!”

“No. Believe me. When have I ever lied to you, huh? They were just jealous. Jealous of you with Jungkook and jealous of your looks.”

“You already told me that. If you wanted to make me feel better, you can’t just repeat the same crap.”

“Hey. Cut me some slack. It’s very possible that I am a bit high to cut down the anxiety I was feeling over you and Jungkook. Good thing Yoongi dragged me over here. I didn’t know you guys were back.”

You rolled your eyes at him. “Ok, I’ll accept the Jungkook stuff, but you didn’t have to go as far as to compliment me.”

“I’m just stating a fact!” Jhope smiled

“Yeah y/n. He’s right. I’ve told you before how great you are. I don’t know why their comments bothered you. You get worse from Jimin on a daily basis.”

“No shit.” You pouted and rested your head in your hand. “Maybe Jimin is right… they were yelling the same stuff he always tells me.”

Jhope kicked Suga’s leg.

“The fuck?” Suga whispered to Jhope.

Jhope didn’t say anything. He just motioned his head toward you. You were too busy worrying about what Jimin was going to yell at you to pay attention to the two of them.

Suga sat down next to you. “I didn’t mean it like that way y/n. Just don’t worry about anything okay? Don’t worry about ARMY. Don’t worry about Jimin. Don’t worry about what Jungkook does. Just worry about yourself. Just focus on trying to keep up the illusion that you and Jungkook are dating.”

“And focus on me!” Jhope cut in. He began doing excessive amounts of aegyo to try and cheer you up. You smiled at him. “Yay! She smiled! She’s all better!” he exclaimed

Your smile quickly disappeared though. “I do worry about Jimin though. I don’t want to go to my room. He’s probably gonna give me a ton of shit too.”

“Don’t worry, he’s harmless. He’s just being a bully.” Jhope said.

“Yeah.” Suga agreed.

You wanted to tell them about what Jimin yelled at you the other day, about how he wished that you were dead. “Do I tell them? How would they react? Would they be mad or would they just tell me to blow it off?… I shouldn’t tell them. It can make all things worse.” You thought.

“Well, he’s probably not going to be a problem tonight.” Jhope mumbled.

Without your knowledge, Suga slapped the back of Jhope’s head.

“Why do you say that Hobi?” you turned to face him.

“Uh, well, um…” He looked to Suga for a spilt second. “Practice didn’t go so well after you guys left. Namjoon was pretty hard on us afterwards and Jimin got the most of it.”

“Yeah!… He’s been in a mood since then. He won’t talk to anyone.” Suga added.

“Well, this can go one of two ways,” you began. “He can be quiet… or he will take his anger out on me…”

“Listen to your hope.” Jhope made you look at him. He cupped your face. “You are beautiful. Jimin won’t bother you today. Just worry about yourself and focus on me, your angel.” He smiled.

“Ok” you said giving him a small smile.

He pulled you into another hug.

“What time is it?” you asked still in Jhope’s arms.

Jhope kicked Suga’s leg again. “Check Bitch!”

Suga mumbled under his breath as he pulled out his phone. “11:03”

“Shit! I need to shower, like now! I only have till 11:30!” you tried to pull yourself off of Jhope, but he refused to let you go. “Hobi! Let go!”

“No! first promise me that you won’t let ARMY get to you!”

“Hobi!”

“Promise!”

“Fine! I promise.”

“Pinky promise?”

“How can if you don’t let me go?”

“Ah you got me there” He released you from his embrace and made you pinky promise him.

“Night guys. See you guys tomorrow.” You said walking to the door.

“Hey! Wait! You have to promise me too!” Suga said.

“Ahh!” you huffed in frustration. You shuffled over to him and sloppily intertwined your pinky with his.

“Nah, for real y/n.”

“Yoongi, I need to shower!” you grumpily pinky promised him more properly.

“Better! Goodnight!” he smiled

“Night y/n.” Jhope said.

“Night.” You walked out of the room and to the hallway bathroom.

MEANWHILE (SUGA & JHOPE):

Jhope stayed behind in the room with Suga. He looked over at Suga with a smirk on his face. “So, when are you gonna tell her?” He asked.

“Tell her what? About Jimin? I’m not gonna tell her anything. You were the one that almost gave it all away!”

“I wasn’t actually gonna say anything about it though!” he said defensively.

“You better not! She doesn’t need to be in any deeper shit. Something like that needs to come from Jimin himself and with the way he is with her, it’s never gonna happen. We gotta keep it like that for his sake.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever. Something like that can be a secret for only so long. I’m actually surprised she hasn’t found out yet. She found out about my shit in less than 2 months of being here. She’s sharing a room with him now. She’ll find out one way or another… But that wasn’t what I was asking about.”

Suga raised an eyebrow at him. “So what did you mean?”

Jhope slid next to Suga and placed an arm around his shoulders. “When are you going to tell y/n that you like her?” he whispered with a smirk on his face again.

Suga shrugged his arm off of him and stood up from the bed. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

Jhope stood up and took a step towards Suga. “Don’t play stupid with me.” He said teasingly

“I don’t like her like that.”

“Yeah and I’m sober!” There an excess of sarcasm in Jhope’s voice. “I see the way you look at her! You are always using the mirror to stare at her during practice. Not to mention how you were right now. You should have seen your face when I kept hugging her. You looked so jealous!” he laughed.

“Shut up! It’s not what you think. I just check on her. She’s going through a lot right now.”

“More like checking her out.” Jhope snorted.

Suga kicked Jhope in the shin.

“Ouch! What was that for?”

“For being stupid!… Anyway, you should be keeping an eye on her too!”

“Don’t worry I am. Just don’t be jealous about it okay?”

“I don’t like her like that! Just drop it!”

“Suuure. “You don’t like her.” I got ya.” He winked ask he walked out of the room.

BACK TO Y/N:

You walked out of the shower and changed back into the same dirty clothes. You were in such a rush to shower, that you once again forgot to get yourself a clean change of clothes. You stepped out and tiptoed to the kitchen to check the time.

“11:24… I should go to the room now.”

From the hall you could hear voices coming from your door. You walked in to find V sitting on the computer chair placed next to Jimin’s bed. Jungkook was also next to the bed, except he was kneeling on the floor. He too had just showered. They both stared at you as you walked to your trash bag to find a change of clothes.

Jimin was laying on his bed. His back was to the boys as he faced the wall.

“Hey y/n.” V said. “Sorry to hear about how the date went. Jungkook updated me about the whole thing.” he had taken notice of your dirty clothes. “Don’t worry, I’m sure the next ones you two go on will go smoother,” he said reassuringly.

“Next ones?” you asked.

“Uh-huh.” He nodded. “Namjoon told me that he wants you two to go out more. You know, to keep with the whole “almost two years of dating” thing.” He said as he looked between you and Jungkook.

You and Jungkook turned to each other, exchanging looks of annoyance/disgust.

You went back to look for clothes, then you ran back to the bathroom to change. You pulled out the sweater Suga gave you months ago and put on a pair of sweatpants. When you returned, the boys were still with Jimin.

“C’mon Jimin! It’s not like you to be like this for this long.” V whined.

“Yeah!” Jungkook added. You could tell that he didn’t know what to say.

“Practice must have been pretty bad.” You thought.

Jimin continued to stay quiet. He didn’t say anything when Jungkook and V called out to him. He even went as far as to slap their hands away or kick them away when they tried to move him around. No matter what, he stayed facing the wall.

You sat on your mattress and continued to watch V and Jungkook’s attempts to cheer Jimin up. Although Jimin was one of you least favorite people, you couldn’t get any cheer out of seeing him so upset. Deep, deep, deep down you actually kind of felt a tiny bit bad for him.

“Y/n!” Rap monster call out your name in to the hallway.

“She’s in here!” V shouted. “C’mon Jimin. You shouldn’t go to bed angry.” He said in a much softer voice.

The door swung open. Rap monster scanned the room, his eyes landing on you. “Well isn’t a little someone going above and beyond today.” Then he directed his eyes over to Jimin. “What’s up his ass?’ He smirked.

You noticed Jungkook clench his jaw. He turned to Rap monster, “He’s still upset” he growled.

Rap monster’s smirked remained, but his eyes turned to lasers aimed at Jungkook. “He should be happy if you ask me.”

You could see Jimin tense up and curl into a ball.

“I think it’s time we all go to sleep.” Rap monster “suggested”. He was still glaring at Jungkook, Jungkook glaring back at him.

“Um, Jungkook let’s go. We have a long day tomorrow.” V said softly, trying to avoid another confrontation. He grabbed Jungkook off of the floor and pushed Jungkook out of the room.

Rap monster turned his gaze over to you. Without a word he flicked off the lights and locked the door behind him.


I’ve put alot of time and work into this series, and whenever I get a like,a reblog or a comment/ask, it really motivates me to finish writing it. I am not really a writer and this series is really my first time I’m actually writing, especially something that is so long and rather complex at times. Thank you to those who have keep up and caught up with the series. Once again, I hope you all still around till the end and enjoy it.