i have to finish my poem now

Books have always been my thing. I have no clue about how many I’ve read till date. Though I remember jotting down the titles after finishing them when I initially started reading. But it’s one of the innumerable habits I failed being consistent at. It gets tough to keep a list like that up-to-date, when you start reading one book after the other, just like our heartbeats. Reading books is no longer just a hobby or habit or simply my passion anymore. That bridge was crossed a long time ago. Now it has become a need which is as vital for me, to survive, as breathing. Books have saved me.
“do you think you can still love after him?” her friend asks when she sees him passing by the couch where they were seated.
“i don’t think i want to,” she replies after a long pause. “i don’t want to give my heart out to anyone else only to have it ripped to shreds and handed back to me.”
her friend stays silent.
“besides, it wouldn’t be fair to the next guy. i wouldn’t give it my all, not after this, and i don’t want to be the cause of someone else’s heartbreak. so, no, i don’t want to love anymore.” she says as she finishes the drink in her red cup, noticing how the now empty cup isn’t nearly as empty as she is.

things change. when we first met, we looked at each other like we were brighter than constellations. now we look at each other and you only see the body: the lips instead of the smile, the hands on your skin instead of intertwined with yours. but i still see the smile, and i still see the galaxies set in your complexion. it hurts to look too long – maybe that’s why i can’t take my eyes off you.

how many times does he have to squeeze your heart like a sponge and drip blood on the bedroom floor? my mother asks me. how many wake-up calls do you need? he’s all but written it on his forehead, darling, there is nothing left for you in his chest. burn what is left for him in yours. if i could quit crying long enough, i would tell her that there is plenty left, but it would be a lie and we both know it. he and i are running on nothing but fumes now, and soon even that will be used up and we will be finished.

is finished good or bad? with my eyes swollen and itching and my head aching, i can’t tell. i think it will be good, later, when i have perspective.

but i thought you were good too. and i was wrong.

-  abby // prompt for anon

[miraculous ladybug]: anonymous bug

a little ladrien ficlet for @fangirl-with-a-shippers-heart as a warm welcome to the fandom~

(eh. not sure if this turned out how you wanted but… I ended up just kinda taking the idea and running with it 😅)


“I’m telling you, this is a dumb idea.”

With little effort, Adrien ignores the voice coming out of his shirt’s pocket as he runs along Rue de Passy. He’s used to it by now. No matter how much Camembert he gives to appease his kwami, Plagg has proven time and time again that nothing will ever stop him from voicing his bluntly worded opinions.

Taking a left turn at an intersection, Adrien continues on as though no one had spoken. Despite the loud whirs of cars passing, his shallow huffs of air and pounding heart are the only sounds he can focus on as he dashes towards their agreed meeting place up ahead.

To avoid setting an easy pattern for the paparazzi to follow, the locations for the start of their patrols never repeat themselves more than once over a sequence of five. His Lady always had the best ideas.

“Why do I even bother with you humans?” Plagg laments to himself, sliding further down into Adrien’s pocket.

“It’s not like you ever take other people’s advice either,” Adrien hisses out of the corner of his mouth.

“It’s no wonder you were chosen for me,” the creature sighs. “Nature likes playing cruel tricks.”

“Stop being overdramatic,” he says, rolling his eyes.

“Another shared trait,” Plagg says. Yawning, he adds, “Well, good luck. It’s not like I can stop you anyways.”

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Hey! Can I request a Josh imagine? I just learned that his younger sister Abigail is the same age as me (she's 20, born in 1996). Can you do something like the reader is friends with Abigail and she invites the reader to her house for some sort of family get together, and Josh ends up smitten with the reader (I've realized that an 8 year age gap isn't that much once you enter your 20s). Thanks!

I hope this is good! I had a lot of fun writing it! Thank you for the request :)

“Abby, I’m not so sure this is the best idea,” You say nervously as you pull up next to the Dun residence. She had invited you over the thanksgiving since most of your family lived away, and you didn’t have any plans to visit over the holiday. But you weren’t very close with any of Abby’s family, and the idea of spending a whole weekend made you a bit uneasy.

“Don’t sweat it, Y/N,” She reassures you. “I’ve already talked to my parents and they feel the same way I do; you’re not spending thanksgiving weekend alone. They have the guest bed made up and everything.” She offers you a sweet smile. It eases the anxiety in your stomach a little bit, but not all the way. But who are you to argue. So you reach to the back of your car and grab your weekend bag and give Abby a smile signalling you’re ready to start the weekend.

Abby Dun’s house looks exactly how you thought it would; homely and clean. The Dun’s always seemed like that perfect American family to you and it made you a little nervous. You didn’t want to be a stain in their life.

“Y/N,” Mrs. Dun greets you with open arms as you enter into the kitchen after Abigail. You oblige, awkwardly patting her back. “I’m so glad you could join us this weekend. It’ll be so nice to have you.”

“Thank you for taking in a stray,” you half joke, offering your warmest smile. “I’m glad I don’t have to spend the holidays alone.”

“You’re always welcome here, dear,” She replies. “Now why don’t you show her to your room and introduce her to your sister and brothers. They’re all in the family room,” She suggest to Abby, who nods.

You follow Abby through the maze of their new house, dropping your things off in the guest bedroom before you follow her down to the basement, or as her mom called it, the family room. It was fairly big, with spacious couches and chairs all lined up around the large flat screen TV they had. Her sister and two brothers took up most of the main couch in front of the TV, so you stood awkwardly as Abby called attention to them.

“Hey guys, this is Y/N,” she gestures back to you. Ashley looks up and gives you a warm smile while the two brothers flash quick smiles, their attention mostly on the video game in front of them. “Y/N,” Abby continues. “This is Jordan, Josh and Ashley.”

“It’s really nice to meet you guys,” You say quietly, feeling awkward standing in the middle of the room. Abby sits down beside Jordan and you pick a chair that’s not as close to the TV.

“It’s good to have you here,” Ashley smiles. Then the awkward silence begins. Well it’s not really that awkward because everyone is fairly welcoming and all wants to get to know you, it just feels awkward because you’re not quite sure what to say. You felt like there was an elephant in the room, and it was Josh Dun.

It wasn’t a secret who Josh was or what he did for a living. And you were partially hoping that he wouldn’t be home. But of course he’d want to be with family during the holidays. You were star struck to be sitting so close to him. You had so many questions and really really wanted to ask him for a picture. But you didn’t want to be that friend, so you just sat awkwardly, watching the family interact with each other and answering questions when they asked.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, Josh and Jordan put down the console controllers and high fived, congratulating each other on a good game. Then Josh looks over at you. “Sorry, I didn’t really get a chance to catch your name,” he tells you, standing up to shake your hand.

You feel like a flustered mess as you quickly stand up and reach for his hand. “Y/N,” you tell him as he has a firm grip on his hand, trying to avoid eye contact. You had a terrible habit of going bright red when you looked at someone you thought was attractive. And Josh was, well, Josh. Probably the most attractive man you had come across.

“Cool,” he smiles at you, gaze lingering a little bit longer than you were expecting. “Sorry about earlier,” he gives a quick look back at the TV and then down at his brother who’s still sitting on the couch. “We’ve been trying to beat that level forever,” He chuckles and his famous squinty eyed grin makes an appearance. You can feel your face starting to get hot and you desperately hope that it’s not noticeable.

“So how did you and Abby meet?” He asks, throwing a look over at his little sister, waiting for an answer from one of us.

“At work,” Abby answers before you do. “Y/N is the only one that I actually like there,” she laughs softly and you can help but to laugh either. You and Abby had bonded over your strong dislike for everyone else that you worked with.

“Oh, that’s really cool,” Josh replies, copying your smile. “Well it’s really cools that you’re here, Y/N. Abby should have brought you around sooner,” he sends a wink in Abby’s direction before mentioning something about food and leaving the two of you alone. If you weren’t blushing before, you definitely were now.

You’re not sure if Abby noticed or not, but if she does - she doesn’t say anything. And you’re extremely thankful for that. But you spend all of Friday and most of Saturday following her around like a puppy, scared to be left alone for too long. She doesn’t seem to mind, and you’re actually having a better time than you thought with her. You find out you both have more in common with her than just disliking people at work.

Josh also hangs around a lot more than you thought he would, and you’re slowly feeling more comfortable talking with him. He is slowly becoming Josh Dun, Abby’s brother more than he is Josh Dun, drummer of Twenty One Pilots.

By Sunday morning you’re feeling right at home, so it doesn’t surprise you when you get up and find the house empty. There’s a note in the kitchen addressed to you from Abby letting you know that the family had gone to church and were doing some errands after and would be back in the afternoon. You stand in the kitchen for a moment not sure what to do in an unfamiliar house. That’s when Josh enters through the sliding back door, no shirt on, ear buds in and chest glistening with sweat in the early morning sun. He smiles once he sees you, taking his ear buds out as he crosses the kitchen to the fridge.

“Hey Y/N,” he greets you as he pulls out a water bottle and begins chugging it. But you’re stunned, almost too stunned to talk as you process what’s happening. You’re in Josh Dun’s house by yourself and now he’s shirtless in front of you.

“Have a good sleep?” He asks after a brief moment of silence.

You quickly shake your head and answer him. “Y-yeah. It was really good. The bed in the guest room is really comfy.”

“Yeah I know, I usually crash on it when I come to visit,” he gives you a sheepish smile, before lifting the bottle to his mouth again.

“I would offer to trade you, but it’s like, really comfy,” you almost giggle. Josh had slept in the bed you were sleeping in. It couldn’t get anymore surreal. “Did you have a good run?” You ask, wanting to change the topic from you. You hated being in the spotlight. You were perfectly happy being a background character.

“Yeah, it was really good. Helps with anxiety, you know?” He replies. “Gets me out of my head.”

“Yeah, I understand that. That’s how I feel about writing,” You tell him. “Helps me really be able to sort through my emotions when I can see them all out on paper.”

“You write?” He asks with a smile. You nod, face getting slightly hot as he keeps up the eye contact. But you can’t help but look at them, they were your favourite thing about him. Seeing them so much in pictures, but they couldn’t hold up to the real thing.

“Anything that you’d let me read?” He presses, an almost smug look on his face. You think about it for a moment, almost saying no right away. But this was Josh Dun you were taking too. He and Tyler bare their souls in every song they put out. The least you could do was let Josh read one of your mediocre poems.

“Well, nothing really finished,” You say as you pull out your phone and open up your notes. “I kind of just get ideas in my head through out the day and I try and jot them down when they’re fresh and then sometimes, they turn into poems.” You step forward and pass your phone to Josh. He smiles at you before looking down at the words you have typed out. His expression is focused, carefully reading over each word, making sure to take his time and really absorb what you have written out.

“My plan is to publish a book of short stories one day,” You continue, as he swipes through the other blurbs you have. “I don’t think I have the attention span to finish a whole book with one story right now,” You admit with a chuckle. “I’m constantly getting new ideas.”

Josh looks up at you, expression intense. “These are amazing, Y/N,” he says, eyes locked with yours. “Like, really. The emotion and just the way you put the words together is just - ”. He’s almost at a loss for words as he tries to search for the right one, but coming up empty. So he just shakes his head and offers you a smile. “They’re just amazing. Thanks for sharing them with me.”

You shrug bashfully as you take your phone back and shoving it deep into your pocket. “Just helps with the anxiety, you know?”

He’s staring at you, but there’s something in his eyes. You try not to think about it too much. “Yeah, I completely get that.”

“Hey guys!” Josh’s mom greets both of you as she enters the kitchen with large grocery bags. Josh reaches out to grab them instinctively, earning a kiss on the cheek from his mom. “Hope you’re hungry,” she smiles at you. “Because we are making a feast!”

“I’m definitely ready to stuff my face,” you joke, quickly sending a look at Josh, who is still looking at you with the same look as before. It’s enough to send the butterflies in your stomach into a frenzy. But you don’t really want him to stop.

Josh leaves to shower and you and Abby help Mrs. Dun with dinner. You’re completely relaxed now, after showing Josh your poems. It was comforting almost, to know at least one of them understood the madness what went on in your head. And the rest of the evening you feel right at home. And you definitely notice how Josh hovers around you now, constantly asking you questions about your writing. You weren’t going to complain though.

“Thank you so much for having me over this weekend,” You thank Abby’s parents once dinner and over and done with and you helped Abby and her siblings clean up. “It was really nice, and Mrs. Dun - the food was incredible!”

She giggles at the compliment, cheeks turning slightly pink. “Please, call me Laura. And it was our pleasure, feel free to come back any time!”

“Thanks thanks Abby, for thinking to invite me,” You turn to your friend and give her a quick hug before fishing your car keys out of your purse and picking up your weekend bag.

“I’ll walk you to your car,” Josh offers as he opens the door and gestures for you to go first. You wave and say goodbye to the family once more before ducking out the front door.

“I had a really good time getting to know you this weekend, Y/N,” Josh tells you once it’s just you and him. Both of you walking stupidly slow, trying to drag out the alone time you guys had.

“Yeah, I did too,” You reply bashfully, biting your lip and trying to ignore how red your face probably was.

“I, um, would really like to go out, with you, sometime,” He offers, now it was his turn to go red. And your heart was probably going to explode. “Do you want to get dinner sometime?”

You can’t even contain your grin, your eyes looking up to meet his. “Yeah, I’d really like that.”

Josh breaks out a huge smile and lets out a small breath of relief. “Awesome. That’s really cool. I, uh, put my number in your phone when you let me look at your poems,” He admits sheepishly. “I hope that’s okay, but you should call me when you get home and we can set something up?”

Your cheeks were hurting but you really couldn’t stop smiling so big. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

“Cool. Well drive safe, and have a good night Y/N.” he’s starting to back up towards his front door.

“You too, Josh.” Once you’re in your car he disappears back into his house and you take a moment to yourself. You speed the whole way home, wanting to set up that date as soon as possible.

You are making breakfast
in every dream that I have
of you.

You are in the kitchen, your
soft middle pressed up against
the cold marble countertops
like a vision too beautiful for
the magazines, sprinkling
dark chocolate chips over
pancakes.

I think for a brief second that
I am dreaming inside of my dream,
that I had to make you up twice,
just to get it right.
You, brushing your dark hair out
of your face, smearing batter
across your cheeks.

You have come and made
my dreams smaller, narrower.
Filled them with sugar and
your body humming in the
same room as mine.

I dream, now, of a normal life
with you.
A life where breakfast lasts until
the sun goes down,
until I have finished gazing at
you from across
the table,
flour dried to your forehead
like a kiss.

—  Caitlyn Siehl, Chocolate Chip Pancakes
Svt As AUs

Scoups: Daycare Au

You got a part time job at the local daycare and he just happens to be the other teacher and watching him with all the little kids just melts your heart. He’s always taking care of them but you connect with the really shy kids and “hey how are you getting them to talk let that? teach me?”

Jeonghan: Barista Au

The coffee shop you go to every morning has a super cute barista that keeps lowkey flirting with you and you are honestly enjoying it but the thing is he spells your name really wrong and when you pointed it out one time rather than fixing it he tried to make it even worse and it sounds nothing like your name so how the heck were you supposed to know “snuffles” is, in fact you?

Joshua: Cafe Au

You two come to the same cafe all the time and its usually only just you two plus the staff and you always smile at each other but have never actually talked but you know his name and order because you always stand in line together. Today however he wasn’t there on time so you ordered his drink just in case and sure enough there he is and now the two of you are sitting at the same table together and the workers are freaking out because apartly they shipped them.

Jun: Celebrity Au

You were just minding your own business heading to meet a friend but right when you went to turn the corner he slammed into you and now both of you are on the ground but quick! His crazy fans are coming and for some reason he drags you with him and now the two of you are hiding in between to walls at parking garage and its kinda dark but hey aren’t you that super famous guy? Are you okay?

Hoshi: Dance Instructor Au

Honestly you didn’t want to go to a one time instructed dance class that seems kind of dumb but your friends really wanted to go so here you are in a really big t-shirt and gross shorts and the instructor just walked in and now you realize your friends just wanted to come for him and wow you look like a trash bag but holy crap his dancing is really really good too wait does he keep looking at me omg sos

Wonwoo: Book Store Au

It was raining really hard and you forgot your umbrella at home and this shop is open and the closest so you walked in and oh my god it’s a book store? Its so cozy and warm how did you not know this was here the whole time. The little old lady at the front counter is so nice too what the heck so you come there almost every day and someone keeps leaving little notes in the books so you asked the old lady and she said its my secret admirer ??? how have i not noticed another person in this store?? Who is he and why is he so good at poems??

Woozi: Composer Au

There is no ac in your dorm so you started sleeping with the window open and because of that you can always hear someone playing the piano at like 12 in the morning and each night the song is coming together better and better and one night after it was finished you clapped really loud and now he’s playing another song. Its been like this for a few weeks since then and you really want to find out who is playing such pretty music for you now time for a midnight adventure.

DK: Flower Shop Au

There is a really cute flower shop you pass everyday to and from work and the flowers always smell really good and wow they are having a sale you should go get some but when you walked in the most beautiful thing ended up being the guy at the front counter, he’s basically shining and being surrounded by flowers only makes him shine brighter. Omg he is coming over to help you with flowers panic !!!

Mingyu: College Au

This super cute graphic design major keeps winking at you when he sees you which is actually a lot does his path always cross over with yours between each class or is he making sure to see you all the time? Your friend should you some of his work though and its amazing maybe you could get his help for your project but how do you ask him for help you’ve only ever winked at each other!

The8: Royal Au

So you didn’t know you were royalty until just a few weeks ago and now you are living in this castle in some really obscure country and its all very stressful so you just go out and hide in the massive garden but wooh who is this other really attractive guy walking around oh god he is coming to talk to you he looks really intimidating wait now that he’s talking he’s actually just  a big softy wow

Seungkwan: Theater Au

Look you just got dragged along to this theater club by your friends and like what why you, you are awful at acting and actually a little shy but nope you are going but hold up who is this really flamboyant guy that keeps making eye contact with you oh please god don’t pull me into this, dang it he did.

Vernon: Best Friends Au

You two have been best friends since you could remember and now he has to travel across the freakin world to go be some fancy rapper and is leaving you behind and you are just a bit salty but you cant tell him that cause he is living his dreams so you are his number one fan but now you haven’t seen or heard from him in like years but wth he just contacted you and what !!! he got you tickets? Time to go see your crushbest friend

Dino: Work Au

Both of you started your new part time job together and went through training and you only each other so you keep sticking together and your boss really just threw the two of you into this and it’s really stressful but hey at least you are struggling together, but some rude customer just came in and let you have it and you’re about to cry because you don’t even know what you are doing but here he comes to save the day and without him you would totally be sobbing right now.

(insp)

embraceyourfandom  asked:

Group of drunk people end up at Phil's and play "Never have I ever..."

“Okay, okay, okay.” Tony waved his hand and raised his voice to be heard above the ongoing conversations. “I call foul on that one. No way Spider Lady hasn’t finished a whole bottle of vodka by herself.”

“Some of us know our limits,” Natasha shot back, kicking a leg over the arm of the chair she’d claimed as her own.  Without enough seating in Phil’s small living room, they’d resorted to rock, paper, sissors to decide who got the couch.  Nobody made Natasha play. “Now it’s my turn.  Never have I ever …” she looked directly at Clint as she spoke … “written a poem for someone.”

Clint glared back; he might be drunk but he knew exactly what she was doing.

“Ah, I have composed sonnets to the beautiful Jane!” Thor tossed back a shot and banged the glass on Phil’s coffee table. “This is not a difficult game after all.”

Tony shrugged then drank.  “Hey, it works like a charm, what can I say. Rhyme a few words and some people fall instantly.”

Steve’s glass went untouched. “I draw pictures, okay?” he said when Tony gave him the evil eye.

“Oh, Agent Agent! Do tell!” Tony badgered. “Was it a sonnet? An ode to her beautiful hair? I bet it was some Shakespearian shit wasn’t it? My mistress’s eyes are nothing like the sun …”

“It was free verse.” Phil flushed even redder than he already was, averting his gaze to the empty glass in front of him.  From his place seated next to Phil on the floor, Clint could see the top curls of dark hair where Phil had taken off his tie and unbuttoned his shirt.  The more he drank, the cuter Phil became, the perfect agent mask slipping to show the nerdy geek inside that Clint adored. “And it was about hands.”

That last sentence must have slipped out because Phil winced as he realized what he’d said. Clint had never seen his handler quite so open about himself. It wasn’t just the alcohol; the fight earlier had been emotionally draining, a bloody mess that they couldn’t make better.  Bad enough that getting rip roaring drunk was high on everyone’s agenda for the evening.

“My Cellist’s fingers are supple and long, the better to … Ow.” Tony rubbed his shoulder where Natasha kicked him. “Seriously, you guys know how I am. Why do you keep bruising me for being me?”

“Clint?” Steve asked. The man noticed everything including how Clint’s hands hovered near his glass.

“Fine.” The liquor burned on the way down. “One time, okay? And it was a dirty limerick, nothing flowery or sappy.”

“There once was a man from Nantucket …” Tony paused but no one made a move his way. “Gah, it’s no fun when you don’t respond.”

“Dirty? You wrote about not washing?” Thor asked.

“Dirty as in sexual, using vulgar words and crude language,” Natasha supplied. “Clint, why don’t you recite it for us?”

“Fuck you, Nat.” He meant it with his whole heart. “I really don’t like you.”

“You love me and  you know it.” She grinned like the Cheshire Cat. “I know you remember it.”

“Yeah, come on Legolas. Every drinking party needs some cussing,” Tony agreed.

“I showed you the dance I used to do on stage,” Steve reminded them. “And Thor balanced on his hammer to prove he could.”

He could only hope Phil didn’t notice … but that was an impossibility since Phil remembered everything. He was so screwed.

“There once was an agent of SHIELD,

who kicked ass routinely afield,

I jerk off every night,

after watching him fight,

don’t ask who, my lips are sealed.”  

Of course, Tony and Thor clapped, both of them cheering.  Steve had the good grace to blush even if his eyes flicked back and forth between Clint and Phil. Natasha only smiled, looking not at him but at Coulson. For long seconds, Clint couldn’t bring himself to look, but, after a breath, he glanced sideways to see Phil giving him a thoughtful look.

“Knobby fingers circle my wrists,

Calloused palms catch my skin

Strong knuckles grip my arms,

Soft tips stroke my neck.

Battered by years and work and danger

These hands hold me when all else fails.”

Clint’s eyes widened and the sound of the others faded into the background.

“You wrote that for me?” he asked.

“You jerk off thinking about me?” Phil asked.

“Yeah,” they both replied at the same time.

Clint leaned and so did Phil meeting halfway to brush their lips together.

“Okay, lovebirds,” Tony interrupted. “We gonna play the game or are you two going to get a room.”

“I need a break,” Phil said, never taking his eyes off Clint.

“Sounds good,” Clint agreed, hauling himself up. “Kitchen?”

“Kitchen.”

“My work here is done,” Natasha said.

2

20-2-2017: 32/100 days of productivity

You guys I am almost finished with my paper for GPR! I am actually proud of myself because this is the first academic paper I am writing!

This evening I am accompanied by my many thoughts, that I am right now putting into poems. I am also reading milk and honey, which is a huuuge inspiration to me, and I love how mature these simplistic poems are and what effect they have on me.

Lots of love xx

Message me whenever, about whatever; if you need someone to talk to! I am right here <3

You started to move in to my heart, but you never finished. Now I am left with these boxes half unpacked, your possessions scattered within me and I do not know how to get rid of them.
—  you’ve moved on but how can I when I have to take your things with me @breathlesspoe
Grocery time flirt

A/N: I knew I wanted to do another fluff month piece and I suffer with dialogue so I did a pure dialogue exercise! I rewrote this four times and now I put it on queue and I have until it posts to edit it. 

Comments and critiques are super helpful!

(Adrien/Mari)

Handwritten grocery list. I didn’t know adults were allowed to do that publicly anymore.”

“Adults aren’t allowed to make bad puns without children around either.”

“Well, I guess neither of us are adults.”

“Oh shoot, now how will I buy all this alcoho—OOH HELLO!”

“Um, hi? I didn’t mean to sneak up on you.”

“You—nah! I S-saw you and realized you’re more intoxicating than my basket of liquor. No, wait—I mean.”

“Wow, that was a fast recovery.”

“Girls tell me  that in more intimate settings. No, shit, I did not say that.”

Keep reading

300+ followers; why I'm leaving

First, I just want to thank everyone for reading and reblogging my work. I’ve talked to many of you and you are some of the most beautiful people I know.

I’m not sure If you’ve been following my poetry over the last week or so maybe longer, but I am in a state of distress right now.

I will continue to write and post up until Tuesday, but on that day I’m going in for a formal evaluation to determine outpatient options, but I just received a phone call today from my doctor after talking to him yesterday.

He wants me to explore inpatient options as well. He actually wants me to pay more attention to inpatient services. I’ve never been admitted before and I will be 31 in July. Before you ask it did suck watching kids get cake at school during the school year and no one giving a shit about us summer babies or our cake.

I would be lying to you if I said I wasn’t scared. I would be lying to you if I said I didn’t think about hurting myself, permanently, at least three times a day on a good day.

You don’t want to know about my bad days.

I have my queue set to trickle out my recent writing as well as my future pieces. I average 3 a day, so that’s a least 15 more poems.

@scrawls-of-daisy-arkanian @jlimrosenberg
will also be throwing me into the @broken-souls-uploads queue. For those of you who don’t know, we feature poets speaking about all those unspoken things inside of us all in the most intimate and beautiful ways. We’re not sure about future prompts yet, but ours are always open and we will reblog you if it’s your first piece or one hundreth poem. If you have something to say or get off your chest, you shouldn’t be restricted to a time frame.

I actually started BSU because of a convo I had with Scrawls after reading one of his pieces. I was recently re-diagnosed as Bipolar II after discussing the last 11 years of my life and all my mistakes I’ve made. All the people I’ve erased.

Again, I’m so fucking afraid right now. I don’t know what to expect. I hope I find the solid ground I need that will help me finish this lease with my “roommate.” I hope I can come back with more poems for you.

As long as they let me bring some of my old poetry books, a journal, and a pen or pencil I will be fine. I think. No music. No phones for God knows how long.

It could be three days best case scenario. I don’t believe it will be that short. A few weeks or so seems more likely. A few months freaks me out, but I don’t know if that is likely.

I love you, if you think no-one does.
You are beautiful, if someone has made you feel ugly.
You are strong, because you are trying.
You are worth it because you are loved, beautiful, and strong.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

That’s the phrase that started BSU. I don’t want to leave, but I need you to understand this is best for me and I can’t be strong for you if I can’t be for myself.

I want to be happy.
I want to accept love.
I want to be beautiful again.
I want to be stronger than I am now.

I love you.

B.E. Grissom

2

28.4.17// studying at the HU library. The reading rooms are very quiet and full of good vibes. I finished the second and the third book of Berlin Alexanderplatz and I´m reading the fourth, right now. 4 out of 9, it´s still something.
 I also read some extracts from the poem “Neu Jerusalem” by Ulf Stolterfoth and formulated some questions for the interview we are having in a week. 

My body falls weak, ailed by the coming and going of strangers who have long overstayed their welcome. My body does not feel like my body anymore. It feels hollow, as if I am a remnant of my former self. Take, eat, this was my body; which was at one point sacred. My hollow home is now etched in tattoos and scars from past mistakes, constantly reminding me of the things I try so hard to forget.
So...

I just found out that my office is closing down in two weeks. I literally just finished paying off my student loans, so I don’t have much in savings. If anyone was planning to sign up for my patreon, or on the fence about it, now would be a great time… I’m a little nervous about the months to come. 

patreon.com/MarinaMontenegro 

owls are only cute until they eat you

I waited for months
I knew you were falling
that day in the park
when you sneezed
&
scared the ducks away
the first time you dropped
your hair over your shoulders
with your twin moon dimples
shining
the night on my hood
we watched the leaves fall
you told me you were always
the one to say I love you
first
you were on a sinking ship
flashing your light
so I shot a flare
then we dove into the night
bad days at work
always had happy
endings
some nights
you were too tired
I never was
You clung to my
laughter echoing
in the darkness
like a fly in the web
you began to believe
the best way
to end an argument
was a creampie
in the middle of it
I never told you
how hard it was to
hide my smile
with every
thrust
&
biten lip
the night you cried while
we touched fingertips
&
told me how you never
wanted to be someone
I missed
never thinking you
were someone
that actually meant
something to me
in the end
I watched
your eyes turn
from blue
to grey
then green

you fucking knew what
you were getting in to
your mother sang you
songs you never learned
to sing
your friends told you
I was bad news
how is it my fault
you couldn’t help
but continue to
read the same story
I wrote for every
single other
fuck
the last night
we finished without
a word
you gave it up like
it would save something

I’m fucked up

there was
never anything
to save
in the first place
&
now you’re just
another face
I won’t remember
&
my name will
always leave the taste
of the chase in which
you were the mouse
I was the owl

now you have a song
you’ll always remember
&
a dick
you’ll never forget

Soft Stars Shine at Night

Summary: Ignis and Prompto have a conversation before Noctis’ funeral and Ignis finds out the line of Lucis Caelum might not be as dead as first assumed.

 

Title is a slightly changed line from the “Do not stand at my grave and weep” poem everyone probably knows by now.

I knew I wanted to write this for a while but held off until I finished the game. Finished the game now though so I can write it.

So funny thing, if you know how long insemination takes Prompto wouldn’t actually be pregnant during that final fight + Noctis dying. So as far as the prophecy + Ardyn could be aware Noctis was the last of his line.

Pairing: Noctis/Prompto.

Warning: canon character death (so spoilers), mpreg, like the briefest vaguest contemplation of abortion

AO3 link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/11971737

Keep reading

37.

I look fine.

Don’t tell me I look great because I know it’s a lie.
Not in general but just for you.
I wear my hair the way I want now. The way you don’t like.
I’m not even sure you ever liked the way I looked. Not completely.

I remember when you said a little piece of metal “ruined how perfect I was.”
and when you picked out my outfit and it was more your clothes than mine.
and how your type was always going to be dry and empty and smiling.

Well I have a new type now too. It’s the type that won’t expect me to gut myself like the core of a cantaloupe and throw the seeds in storage. It’s the type that holds my hand and means it. It’s the type that fucks me even when he’s tired. Or she’s tired, because that’s an option for me now.

And I should be allowed to like girls. They’re beautiful and strong and hand-sculpted every part of myself that I adore. I should be allowed to want to kiss them on top a mountain or hold them so close that their breasts play my ribcage like a xylophone. I should not feel shame for acknowledging imperfections in my gayness. You ruined my second coming out just like I ruined my first.

Three years is eons when you’re in your twenties. I counted the exact percentage of my life you took over to make myself feel better and it was still too much. Thirteen percent of my pathetic suburban existence has been dedicated to compromising on every last detail 
and splitting every last penny

and pretending to be bad at things to make you feel better
and eating your undercooked pasta
and quenching my thirst with droplets of your backwash
and laughing at your eight weird legs
and giving you a thousand fish kisses
and holding your hand even when I was afraid

and building you up
lego block by lego block
until you were so tall that you couldn’t see me anymore.
Until your lego parts looked like precious metals.

But don’t let me take all the credit.

You were busy building too.
A skyscraper of expectation. And I waited there  on the one-thousandth-one-hundred-and-forty-fourth floor all alone. Waited for you to take the elevator up to meet me. But you never fucking showed.

I guess you just got mad at me for living there. But what was I supposed to do? I signed a contract. Our love was a business deal and you violated the terms of the agreement when you sent that embarrassingly long settlement and expected me to sign it.

I know you lie to yourself about what that was
but you cc’ed the CEO and he knew what was up.
So I bailed 
before you could finish your halfhearted severance and now 
here we are.

Well, here I am. I have no idea where you are. I hope you’re happy.

Because you said your worst was rooted in me. That I was a garden of misfortune, sprouting suffocating vines and poisonous fruit.

Well, the rainy season came and carried it all away.
Let’s see if you can eat without my crops.

Dog-Hater

I don’t like my dogs

For all these personal reasons

But the most famous one

Being that I lived without them


No one says this to me

But I feel them judge

Exiling me

And deeming me “wicked”


I don’t entirely hate them

Some are actually cute

But I’ve lived so long without them

That having them is a burden


But strangers judge me for that

So much that it’s invaded my mind

No one calls me horrible things

But my mind does


I feel guilty for this

But I can’t bring myself

To love something artificially

So instead I did something worse


I took the label they gave me

I looked at what they wanted

And if I’m to be deemed a villain

Then so be it


After donning the mask

I now fulfil my role

If they want a villain

I’ll give them a villain